Chapter two

A scalding hot shower, shortly followed by fresh air, helped to lift Lily a bit, but her head was still pounding as she sat at their usual booth in Molly's Diner. Although it had the same sterile red wipeable plastic covered booths, and white formica tables as any other diner, somehow Molly made this one feel more welcoming, more like home.

Perhaps it was the pictures lining the walls of her family and regular customers. Sirius, and Lily were up there somewhere. Whenever they came in, this place always felt like she was a little bit closer to Mum.

It was Molly herself who came over to them with a sympathetic smile, already with Lily's mug of herbal tea and Sirius' large coffee in hand. She took one look at Lily and gave her a smile that was both sympathetic and, what have you done to yourself now? But she said nothing, just placed the mugs on the table and left.

They had dressed Lily in one of Remus' plaid shirts, belted at the waist, with the sleeves rolled up it looked more like a dress, and a pair of denim shorts that didn't look too big on her, which made her wonder how they would look on Remus. They must be practically indecent. On second thought, she hoped she never saw him in them, ever. Sirius had braided her hair to wrap around her head and now, if she did not feel okay, at least she looked passable.

"You know, I've never really liked that shirt on Remus. I think it looks better on you," Sirius mused, tipping sugar into his coffee.

"Stop trying to suck up to me," she grumbled. "I'm still mad at you. These shorts must be obscene on him, but I suppose we can be thankful your boyfriend is skinny enough that I can get away with wearing his clothes." Sirius' smile spoke volumes to that.

"I can be thankful he's a lot of things." She just rolled her eyes at him as he shrugged unapologetically. "I think they were bought for Pride one year. I've never seen him wear them."

"Can't imagine why," she snarked and Sirius' look was far away again. "Please wipe that smug smile off your face. I know damn well how much you are getting it right now. You sexiled me because of it. You don't have to rub it in. Anyway, why isn't he here?" Sirius rolled his shoulders and took a long sip from his mug.

"I thought you might want to have an honest chat with me without any distractions, for either of us. And he needs to have a similar chat with James."

"How do they know each other again?"

"They went to college together, pledged to the same frat, at the same time and all that. I met Remus a few times then when I went to visit James, but he was interested in girls then." Sirius sounded highly amused by this. Lily knew he probably still teased poor Remus about it.

"Sirius, you know he probably still is. It's not always so clear cut as you like to think it is." He shrugged and flicked his hair back over his shoulder, an obvious sign he wanted to change the subject so Lily pressed on. "Why does James need to have a heart-to-heart with Remus anyway? If that's what we're supposed to be having?"

"His ex-wife, Clarissa." His face darkened at the thought of this woman. "She really ripped him apart, forced him to change so much of himself. When she got the modeling job in South Africa, I was sure they would come back, once it was finished, but they never did." He paused his mind thinking of past times. "James and I don't do the big emotional talks, we just end up trying to make each other laugh and do stupid things, like we're kids, so it's better that Moony talks to him."

"How are we old enough to have friends who're already divorced?"

"Well, James has always been a feet first, think later kind of a guy."

"Really? What else is he like?" She tried to keep her voice casual and sound like she was just interested for the sake of being friends but somehow, like always, Sirius picked up on her.,

"Oh please, honey, not James. He's too fragile for you."

She sat up sharply at this and looked at him in shock. "What the fuck does that mean?"

"I mean, when he falls, he falls hard and fast. He has never been able to keep perspective in a relationship. Long term is not really your thing, sweetie. You'd eat him alive."

She looked out the window at his words. She couldn't stop picturing James with his broad shoulders and wondered what he would taste like if she did get the chance to eat him.

"I'm not against long term." She kept her voice light, but he scoffed immediately.

"You hate clingy men. Any time you think they want to take it further or want to take up more of your time, you find ways to finish things."

"Perhaps I just haven't met the kind of guy I want to stay attached to." She bit her lip as she imagined clinging on to James in a very more-than-friends way.

Sirius groaned loudly. "Please stop picturing you and him. I haven't eaten yet and I want to keep my appetite."

"Oh please. Don't be so dramatic. And anyway, how come you don't look like hell this morning?"

"Sweetheart, I can handle my drink," he informed her grandly. Then added in a more conspiratorial tone, "Plus, I stopped when you didn't ease up and looked like you'd need help getting home." He paused and took a long sip from his mug. "And that is why I wanted to talk to you alone today. Why were you drinking like that?"

Lily didn't really want to answer him. It would mean that she had to admit that the A-hole of a choreographer had got to her, that it didn't seem to matter how hard she trained now, those below her were all just a little bit quicker, a little bit more graceful.

Derek Wells had voiced all her nagging doubts and somehow made them more real. She didn't want to talk about it, not yet. She felt that sharing this anxiety would make it more real.

"And about that, how dare you ditch me?"

Sirius gave her a patient look and raised an elegant eyebrow. "I didn't ditch you. I put you in a safe place with a responsible adult. Please don't try to change the subject." Sirius was being as dogged as ever to get her to talk but she was equally determined not to share.

"I let things get to me a little, because look at us, look at me! I'm twenty seven, still nothing more than a backup dancer, still going nowhere, still so fucking poor I can barely afford my share of the rent. I just wanted, for one night at least, to let my hair down, okay?" He put his hands up in mock surrender, finally dropping the subject, accepting this was the sole reason. Wile her own mind turned back to James once more. "Are you sure your friend is that responsible? He could have done anything to me."

"Oh please. James is a fucking boy scout. He would never do anything like that, and it seems to me you are more than a little disappointed." His smirk made her flush a little and look down at her cup, playing with the string of the teabag.

"I didn't say that." She tried to defend but she knew he could see straight through her.

"Lily, you are talking to me. You didn't have to. Yes, I can't deny he's a fit guy, very easy on the eyes, a massive change from the kid at high school. He's not my type, of course, and even if he was, I don't have the assets he's interested in."

Lily closed her eyes and she saw a flash of a memory from last night. She had tried to get James to put his hands on her ass, and he had refused her, very gently telling her he wasn't going to be that guy.

"He didn't seem all that interested in mine. And I'm not disappointed, because if it ever did happen I would want to fucking remember, and you know, be conscious. But I made such a fool of myself with him I've thrown that chance away. I was practically naked when I woke up, he must've seen everything." She held her head in her hands once more, she couldn't believe how embarrassingly brazen she must have been last night.

A man that ticks every box in her head, who was such a fucking gentleman, and she had to behave like a complete ass. Sirius seemed to take pity on her as she slumped down burying her head in the crook of her arm as it rested on the table.

"Oh believe me he was interested, but no, he didn't see anything. I undressed you." She blinked at him and raised her head for a moment.

"You did?" He nodded at her with a knowing wink.

"He was very insistent he didn't see anything, accidentally or otherwise, so I did it, hideous as your body is." Sirius laid his arm up over the back of the booth, could a man ever look more laid back that him? "He carried you up the stairs, but you'd passed out in his arms. Up to that point you'd been holding your own rather well considering how much tequila you put away."

"I'm never fucking drinking again," she complained into her arm, Sirius' only response to that was a soft chuckle. She was just about to dive into another large bought of self pity when her phone started to buzz, she looked at the screen and groaned when she saw the dance studio number.

"You get it; I just can't deal right now." She begged him and he slid a hand through his hair in a nonchalant way.

"I am not your personal assistant." His tone was sulky but she knew he was going to do it, especially when she gave him her big doe eyes. With a put upon sign he picked up her phone.

"Hello, Lily Evans' Phone, yes?" She hoped the person on the other end of the line did not pick up on his tone. He gave nothing away to her as he listened with mock seriousness, by the time he was putting the phone down, with a final "She'll be there," her eyes were pleading with him to tell her what it was.

"Well?"

"You have a callback," he stated simply like it wasn't a big deal, which it wasn't really, apart from the fact she has not needed to audition for anything lately. She frowned at him in confusion.

"What do you mean?" He smirked at her, enjoying the power, and making her pay for not answering her own phone in the first place. "Just tell me, Dip-shit." He frowned at the insult, but ignored it, as she had called him far worse in the past, and meant it.

"That choreographer dude wants you to meet him at the studio. Something about auditioning for more stuff." She couldn't help the groan that came out of her, she'd drunk way too much last night, and was in no condition to perform any kind of thing, her head was a throbbing mess, and she knew her balance was way off.

She was tempted to just call back and cancel, he was an asshole after all, but she knew she couldn't say no. Careers depended on being reliable and available, at short notice, so she knew she was just going to find a way to get herself in a good enough condition to dance.

"When do I have to be there?"

"Two this afternoon." She looked at the clock on the wall that read Eleven-Fifteen. She wanted to yell out in frustration because fuck, but as she turned her head back she noticed a few families at the other booths and thought better of it.

The smell of the Pancakes Molly brought to them was heavenly, and she asked her in desperation if she had any really good hangover cures.

The motherly lady smiled and winked at the pair of them.

"I might have just the thing."

Remus walked into his apartment with a bag of groceries,and looked around for James. He didn't have too look too far before he saw him sitting at the rarely used desk in the corner, laptop open and a collection of handwritten notes around him. Remus looked on in pleased surprise.

"You're writing?"

James did not look up from his typing. "I woke up with an idea, I had to write it down. It's turned into a concept." Remus could not stop the grin spreading across his face as he turned to put the groceries away.

"What d'you think brought this on?" Remus closed the fridge door and looked at all the photos on it. Lily kissing Sirius's cheek, Lily kissing his cheek, and a collection of photos of the three of them with the pop star Angel, Lily's dark red hair and wide smile shining out.

"Sorry you had to sleep on the couch last night. I feel like we've dumped a lot on you lately."

"Nah, it was fine, Lily's pretty cool. I'm glad you thought of me to look after her."

"How're you feeling, you know, about moving here and stuff?"

"You don't have to skirt around it, you can say her name. And honestly, I'm not thinking much about Clarissa at all. I did all my soul searching, and processing before I left. You don't have to worry about me sinking into depression Remus, I'm more likely to throw a celebration party than a pitty one."

"As long as I know you're okay. I feel bad about leaving you on your own."

"As difficult as it might be to tell, I am a grown man, and quite capable of looking after myself." he smirked at his friend. "I appreciate the concern moons, but honestly I'm doing fine. When I have an idea I'm better if I'm left alone anyway" They didn't say anything else while Remus unpacked the rest of the groceries, the only other noise James' soft taps on the keyboard and an occasional mutter.

"You wanna stop for lunch? We're going to Hank's?" Remus asked, James turned around as if he was thinking about it then shook his head and returned to his work.

"Er, no, I wouldn't want to be the third wheel with you two, and I'm in the middle of this, you go have fun."

"You wouldn't be intruding, I think Lily is coming too?" The typing stopped again and he turned looking a little brighter.

"Is she?"

"I know they don't have work today, so probably." James seemed to consider his options stretching his arms above his head then ruffling his hair.

"Well, perhaps i should take a break, i'll just go smarten myself up." Remus smirked at his friend as he rushed past him.

Taking out his phone he tapped out Sirius' number.

"Hey babe" Sirius answered after two rings.

"Hey, James is coming too. Is Lily?" There was rustling on the phone for a minute and some jangling keys before Sirius answered.

"Eh no, she's got a callback"

"Really? Well tell her good luck from us."

"Will do. I'm heading out now, if im there first I'll get a table." Sirius' voice was echoing, and he could hear the sound of his footsteps as he trotted down the stairs. "Tell James I'm excited to catch up with him."

"And what about me?" Remus asked mock offended.

"I'm sure you are excited to catch up with him too. I love ya babe, gotta go bye."

"Love you too."

The dance studio was quiet when Lily arrived, on time, with her bag of dance shoes.

They had not said what type of dance she would be doing, so she had come prepared. It was odd to walk the normally bustling halls with her footfalls the only sound, for once not hearing four or five different kinds of music clashing and echoing down the corridors as she walked past.

All the dancers had wrapped yesterday, so there was no reason to hang around. The usual hubbub of noise that she found peaceful, familiar was gone, and the emptiness was eerie, silent, so she made her way quickly to her destination.

Studio four, where they had rehearsed yesterday, was on the upper floor. It was her favourite room in the whole building, as it actually had full sized windows, you could stand on the edge of, and look out onto the busy street below. It was not the windows she looked at today however, but the man standing alone in the centre of the room.

He was wearing dark jeans and a tight fitting navy tee shirt; his arms were folded across his chest with a few papers in one hand tucked under his arm. He turned to her as he heard her come in and smiled one of those little British greeting smiles, that managed to be polite but not at all warm.

"Ah, miss Evans, I appreciate you arriving on time." She wondered if that was a slight dig to her for yesterday, but unless someone told him, and that wasn't completely out the realm of possibility, he would not have any reason to do so. She decided to not read anything in to it as she dropped her bag down by the door, she was on time and he was happy about it, nothing more than that.

"I got a call you wanted to see me?" She kept her tone as light and polite as she could, he might be an ass but he was an ass with a lot of connections and Lily needed to get on in her career.

"Yes, I have another small project I have been working on, and I would really love it if you could create something to show at it. Something to inspire the next generation." His tone was much more friendly than it had been the day before, perhaps he only felt the need to insult with an audience. She did not want to do anything for this guy, but her professional curiosity had been peaked.

"Any particular style or genre?"

"Contemporary meets commercial dance, but the music and theme is entirely your choice." She nodded her head slowly, thinking it over.

"And you really want me to do it?" she could not keep the scepticism out of her voice, "yesterday you told me I was past my prime. In front of a group of my peers you said, my best years are behind me, and now you want me to help you?" She was trying her best to keep her cool with him but her temper had a will of its own sometimes.

Derek did not seem to be offended in the least by her tone; in fact he seemed more pleased. He handed her the papers, and she looked down at it briefly but did not bother to read right now.

"You would be helping yourself not me. Some very influential people are planning to attend this. The kind of people who could elevate your career if you do a good job, and don't fuck it up." He shrugged, "as for the other day, I'm always hard on those I feel need a push. Your motivation is going, you don't want to dance other people's choreography. You want to stand out for your own work and not be someone else's puppet. You deserve to be more than the backing dancer to some auto-tuned airhead singer. Wouldn't you prefer to be the one directing the dancers?"

"You saw me on Angel's tour?"

"You were noticeably better than anyone else, your star quality shone out. I was told you had a lot of input on your solo dance, you have a great deal of raw talent. I don't say these things quickly or lightly." He had stepped closer to her as he spoke, and his body language put her immediately on guard. He must have noticed her stiffen because he backed away with a shrug, as if he hadn't been about to hit on her.

"You think I could choreograph other dancers?"

"I think you have the potential, enough that I am willing to give you a shot at least, all the details of what is required and the date for the presentation is in there. Feel free to use this space, for the remainder of the time it is booked for. I had hoped you would consider joining me for dinner later?" His smile was charming and she did consider his offer, but then the face of a bespectacled man with a riot of black hair sprang to mind and she couldn't shake the strange feeling.

"Thanks for the offer, I'm flattered but I already have plans for this evening." She, wasn't exactly lying, her plan was to cozy up on the couch and catch up on the bachelor. "Plus I make it a habit not to date my bosses, or potential bosses." Once again he didn't seem all that disappointed in her reaction.

"That is perfectly understandable Miss Evans; I look forward to seeing your work, I sincerely hope you don't disappoint." And with those words ringing in her ears he left her standing there a million and one things going on in her head.

She went to stand on the window ledge and look down on the street, watched him climb into his shiny black limo and drive off. This was her chance; this was a real opportunity to prove to herself that she was good enough. She ran back to her bag and got out her phone and her shoes.

Scrolling through her music she made a playlist of a few possibilities and got to work.

She did not realise how long she had been there until Alice the receptionist came to tell her she was locking up.

Lily was still looking through her music as she walked home, the city streets were hot, and her brain felt just as fried, she needed sleep, and a chance to let her body recover from the alcohol and whatever had been in that concoction that Molly had made for her. She felt like she would never get enough rest.

She hated walking out, still in her sweat soaked kit. Alice had been very apologetic about having to kick her out, but also insistent, and she never felt good any time she had to give Alice a hard time about something.

By the time she made it back to her shared apartment block she felt like she was covered in an additional layer of grime from the city. All she wanted was a shower, then her bed with the ac on and hang the expense she needed it today.

What she wasn't expecting as she wrestled with the front door, was to be picked up and swirled around like a rag doll as soon as she stepped in the apartment. Sirius was laughing and whooping, as he chucked her about, his arms wrapped tightly around her waist.

"What are you doing loser?" she chuckled at him when she had breath to breathe.

"I'm in." He whooped excitedly. "I'm back on tour!"

"What tour?" He looked at her like she was being stupid, but seemed to be too excited to manage a scathing remark. Thankfully he had to put her down so he could have a proper look at her, she gave him a glare in response.

"Angel's tour, the one we did last year?"

"Yes, I remember what I did last year," she said but her lips were twitching into a smile to show that she wasn't being harsh with him. He rolled his eyes at her but he was still bouncing around the room like an excited puppy.

"One of the dancers has had to pull out, and I'm in. It's short notice we need to be locked into rehearsal camp tonight. I might be able to swing you into it too?"

Her tiredness was melting away at his unstoppable energy and she couldn't help but feel pleased for him. He was spinning now and spun into his bedroom to start packing. Lily followed him as far as his door frame and leaned on it to watch him scramble around his room.

"Rehearsal camp? Is that really what they are calling it? It doesn't really matter about getting me into it too, thanks for the offer though. I've got another job so can't do it." Sirius didn't stop throwing tee shirts in the direction of his case on the bed but he did glance at her.

"You do? Oh well that's great, you will be busy with other things, so you won't be sitting in the apartment pining for me all sad and lonely."

"As if i would miss your ass." he just chuckled at her remark.

"What's your thing? It's not with that asshole choreographer is it?" This time he did stop what he was doing, his eyes expectant.

"It's his production company, but not him directly." Sirius scowled doubtfully and she quickly changed the subject, she was not entirely sure what Sirius would think about her working with Derek. "Anyway, today's not about me, we need to celebrate this." she put as much cheer as she could muster into her words, "Call Remus. And James, I'm gonna jump in the shower." If Sirius was about to comment on her pause over James' name he did not get the chance to comment, because Remus's ringtone started to play from his phone, Sirius looked at the screen nervously, clutching a rumpled shirt in his hands. Lily noticed he had changed the picture to a very cute pick of Remus winking at the camera.

"How do I tell him I'm leaving?" Lily rolled her eyes at his lameness as she walked to the bathroom and shouted over her shoulder to him.

"It's work. You're not leaving him."

Lily couldn't wait to get in the shower, she peeled herself out of the sweaty lycra waiting for it to warm up, she felt the fatigue hit her as the excitement for her best mate died down, the water pressure was always disappointing, and it never quite got hot enough for her liking, but as she stepped in, letting the water run over her face and down her body, she felt some of the pressure lift off her shoulders. She started to hum to herself without realising, and almost jumped out of her skin when the bathroom door clattered against the wall sending shock waves through the room.

"Jesus Christ!" she yelled, as the shower curtain was pulled aside and Sirius' face appeared.

"I can't believe it, he's coming too he just got the call! Holy fuck this day can't get any better, they are going to meet us at Frankie's." She stopped his talking with an aggravated gesture flicking soapy bubbles at him.

"Sirius, what the fuck? You're excited and I'm happy for you, but I'm in the shower so fuck off!"

Frankie's was a little quieter than previous nights and the four friends were able to get a booth easily. Lily was still not feeling the best but she had managed to rest for a few hours before going out and was better than she had been before.

There was a slightly awkward moment when Remus forced Sirius into one side of the booth, leaving her to sit by James. She smiled nervously at him as he gestured for her to sit first pushing his glasses back up his nose and running a hand through his hair, messing up any styling he had even tried.

She wanted to put the awkwardness of the morning behind her, had it only been that morning she had woken up in a strange bed? In his bed. He looked good, his dark blue, short sleeved button down shirt, fitted him really well, and his jeans hugged his butt in a way she wished she could. She tried to tell herself she had not dressed for him, had not shaved her legs for him, but she was a fucking liar. Because holy fuck was he gorgeous, and not in the overproduced model way, he was all casual, relaxed, his smile was easy, his expressions open. His hazel eyes melted like chocolate when he looked at her, making her whole body quiver in return, she was alive with the anticipation of what it could be like to be with him.

They ordered a lot of food from the bar, but Frank's was no gourmet establishment so everything came deep fried, in plastic baskets and wax paper, as always it tasted amazing, most likely due to the fact it was all the kinds of food Lily didn't often let herself have.

It did not take them long to demolish most of the food. Remus was hand feeding Sirius, looking so preoccupied with each other it forced Lily to try for small talk with James, and for the most part they were getting on well, when she forgot to be mortified, he was full of funny stories about growing up with Sirius, and meeting Remus at College.

"So perhaps you can tell me how Remus got his nickname?" Lily spotted a left mozzarella stick and tried not to look like a starved child as she nibbled on it delicately. "He refuses to tell me."

"I would have thought it was obvious." James replied, but she just shook her head and shrugged. "Okay, well it's not that much of a story, just during our pledge week we were asked to do something memorable in front of a crowd so, 'Moony' flashed his ass on the quad." Lily looked at Remus in shock. He just shrugged and winked at her.

"It worked, didn't it!"

"Sorry i missed that." Sirius purred, making Lily feel like she was interrupting a private moment, she looked away catching James' eye, they shared a glance for a brief moment before looking away from each other, uncomfortable. Lily searched for something else to say.

"So, if it was for every pledge. What did you do?" She asked him, pointedly ignoring the kissing couple, here he went very quiet and rearranged his hair again. Remus perhaps wasn't quite as distracted as she had though because it was him who answered.

"Prongs decided to take the stags head from the dean's office, stick the antlers to the side of a football helmet, and run out onto the field before a game wearing it." she could not help but laugh at that.

"What happened?"

"Coach went ballistic, I was banned from the stadium, but I won the mission, it was very memorable."

"Did you play?"

"Not at college level, for a while at high school but my heart was never in it." Lily smiled as she fished around in the baskets for another deep fried morsel."I don't know how you can eat so much high fat food and still look so smoking' hot?" James commented, a slight sheen to his cheeks.

She had not been keeping track of how many beers they had all drunk, but she had noticed James was never without a bottle in hand. She wondered how many he had actually consumed, noticing the bloom of colour across his cheeks, the glassiness of his eyes, and the way he was lounging in his seat becoming more relaxed. She tried a shy smile at the compliment, but she still couldn't entirely shake the embarrassment of the night before, especially now she had a few horrific memories of her throwing herself at him. Not drinking was helping her to focus she would not be making a fool of herself like that again.

"Perk of being a pro dancer," she quipped lightly, "but I don't eat like this very often. It's important to have a healthy diet, this is a treat for me, so I'm going to take advantage." Their knees had been touching for a while and Lily, in a moment of boldness stroked her hand down his bicep that was stretching the fabric off his short sleeved shirt, something her mind had been obsessed about since the first time he flexed it sipping from his beer. He met her eye when she touched him and she half expected him to pull away, but he didn't. She could feel the intense heat from his body under her fingertips and felt her own body respond, watched him gulp slightly.

"You haven't eaten much. You must need to keep a pretty strict diet to maintain your own," she bit her lip thoughtfully as she tried to find the word. "Physique." James looked away from her down at the table and cleared his throat a little awkwardly.

"I honestly don't try to stay in shape, not since I came back anyway. Eating right is just second nature to me now, but I do miss running, it always clears my head. I guess I need to find a gym, but I have always preferred to run outside."

"Me too! There are a few good running routes through central park; I use them sometimes when I'm in-between jobs." taking out her phone she quickly found the map routes she had saved on it. "What's your number and I'll send you the info?" she slid even closer to hand him her phone, she noticed his hesitation as he took out his own cell.

"I just got it so I don't know the number yet. Here, why don't you put your number in? If these two are going to be away for awhile, you might need me for something." she took the phone but couldn't stop the sceptical look.

"Need you for what?"

His little shy shrug was adorable

"Oh I don't know, opening a pickle jar, carrying something heavy. Any manly task you can think of." she tried her best to let him know how lame he was being by shaking her head, but couldn't stop the smile creeping up her lips.

"I'm sure I can find a use for you." James flashed her a wickedly delighted smile in return and for a brief moment she forgot her awkwardness.

"Lily, will you help me grab another round?" Sirius' voice seemed to break her from a spell, that and the significant look her roomie was throwing at her. James didn't notice, as he was sliding out the way to let her past. Sirius practically dragged her over to the bar, where he immediately rounded on her.

"What are your intentions towards James?" Lily's snort spoke volumes.

"My Intentions? Are we in some British drama?" The look on his face made her drop the joke. Sirius did not look amused in the least.

"You know I love you, and I want the best for you, for both of you. Even though I've not seen him the last few years doesn't mean I love him any less. He's my brother, in all but blood; he stood up for me at a time nobody else in my life gave a damn. I owe him so much I'd never become a dancer if it weren't for him."

"Why are you telling me this?" Lily looked at him in confusion, not sure why he was being this way. He took a deep sigh, and spoke to her gently.

"I am telling you this so you can understand. I know him, sometimes better than he knows himself, and I know your track record. If he's just some itch you want to scratch you can stop right now and find another poor schmuck to warm your bed because James is special, and he doesn't deserve that." She crossed her arms.

"What if he's the one with an itch to scratch? He's not exactly telling me to back off?" Her tone was sulky and surly she really didn't feel ready to admit how she felt about James to anyone. Did she even know how she felt? He was hot, and really easy to talk to, and looked at her in a way that made her feel like jumping on his lap, and losing her fingers in his hair.

"I have known him since we were kids, and in that time he has never, not once, had a casual fling. Like I told you before he puts his heart into everything he does." She wanted to yell at him in response, the arrogance of Sirius to think that she couldn't have a normal relationship, that James wasn't enough of a grownup to not get his heart broken again. It wasn't fair, after all the angst and doubt she had fielded, before he and Remus finally got their shit together. When she opened her mouth to tell him this, her arms eyes flashing, he put up his hand to stop her.

"I'm not saying don't be his friend because, damn it he needs more than just moons and me. Largely due to that bitch queen from hell driving all his other friends away." he took her by the shoulders and pierced lily with his blue-eyed stare. "What I am saying is if you want to be more than friends make sure you are ready for what that could mean to him, and perhaps more importantly what it could mean to our cosy little quartet. I thought I'd lost him before, now he's back and i'm not losing him again." All of a sudden Lily understood what Sirius was really afraid of, his eyes were pleading with her. The lonely boy from a broken up home did not want his new family being disrupted by dysfunctional relationships or the potential to be caught in the middle of one again.

"It's Okay Sirius, I understand." but as they walked back to the table with a fresh bucket of beers, and James gave her such a lovely friendly smile, she wondered if she could stop herself. He got out from the booth to let her slide back in but before she could Sirius took the place instead.

"We have been neglecting our friends Moons, perhaps if I keep you at arm's length I will not be so tempted." He added with a wink. The subtlety of his remark was not lost on her, but James just seemed to accept this and settled back down next to his friend.

The conversation flowed around her for the rest of the night, her thoughts somewhere else, she tried her best to stay in the moment, but she couldn't keep her mind away from Sirius' words and the personal dilemma in her own head. James kept trying to engage her in the conversation but her short answers and distracted looks made his confident smile slip and it wasn't long before he stopped trying, and Lily's heart sank a little, could she find a balance? Could she ever just be his friend?

Sirius' cell started to bleep a moment before Remus got a call.

"It's time for us to go." Sirius tells them all without needing to.

The coach waiting to take her friends away from her, was large and looked like something from the set of a sci-fi film. On the side was a graphic of Angel, in full flow singing into a microphone, he still managed to look amazing with his eyes screwed up tight.

Lily was considering this image while the driver was carefully arranging all the bags into the hold. There were a dozen other people milling about waiting to board, and about twice that number again waiting to say goodbye. This was the first time in her career she was on this side of the crowd. She suppressed the pang of jealousy, she didn't want to be joining them this time, she had a new opportunity, and she would squeeze everything she could out of herself to get onto that next level.

Lily hated this, the goodbye part, it was always the worst part of friendships. She was going to miss these two clowns; face time was never quite enough. James was being overly cheerful to Sirius and Remus, possibly a side effect from the beer, more likely he was being that way just to keep his friends from worrying about him. Lily put on her best cheerful smile too, and decided to join in on the hugging, Remus spotted her and opened his arms wide. She loved his hugs he always squeezed just the right amount.

"Why are you so down?" He asked quietly into her hair, as they embraced. "We won't be gone that long and I'll make sure we face time with you everyday if you want?"

"It's not that," she sighed, "it's just something Sirius said to me, about James." Remus held her out at arms length so he could look at her face and brushed his hand across her cheek looping the loose strands of hair behind her ear again.

"Believe it or not, he doesn't tell me everything so I am going to need more than that." Remus's amused smirk made her lip twitch begrudgingly.

"He told me not to mess with James' head, that he doesn't do casual relationships and I don't do anything else." Remus shook his head in a resigned way.

"I will have to have words with that man. Perhaps, once, that was true, but I don't believe you are incapable of relationships, you just haven't found the right fit. And as for James well it's a bit of a useless point now."

"What do you mean?"

"James was writing today, which means he has something, or someone he wants to write about. It also means he's stopped thinking about his ex, and is into someone new." Lily looked away trying not to show her disappointment, surprising herself how upset she was that James had already found someone else, so he was only being friendly at the bar. Remus started to laugh at her and she gave him a scowl, making him hug her close again and whisper in her ear.

"That person is you Lily, so it doesn't really matter at this point what you think about him, he is already well on his way to falling for you." She stepped away from him, looking stunned. "What does matter is how you act upon it, because I really don't want to see Sirius in the middle of another broken relationship."

"You know I could never do that to him, I love him way too much. Also I'd be terrified he'd choose James over me."

"Nah, he would never do that, it would be like choosing between two favourite pets." She gave him a slight jab in the ribs for that, then immediately regretted it when he winced.

"I am so sorry love, I forget sometimes how fragile you are."

"Way to boost a guy's ego Lils!" He snorted rubbing his side, "it's okay honestly I just bruise like soft fruit."

"Rems I love you so much, you are adorable. What am I going to do? I like him, a lot. You are telling me he likes me too this should be easy. I have no idea how to advance things. Why is this not easy?" Remus was just about to respond when a whistle sounded behind them, announcing it was time to board. She squeezed him tight once more. "I am going to miss you so much, look after our boy." She kissed his cheek and thanked her lucky stars the day this beautiful man stumbled into their life.

"I will do, and about James? Well just make sure that you make yourself clear with him. If its just friends say that, if it's something more, tell him exactly how much more you want it to be." He turned around to see Sirius waving for him to get on the bus. "I gotta go gorgeous- -love you!" And with a quick hug to James he stepped onto the coach leaving her standing alone with James.

They watched the coach depart together, Lily feeling more and more uncertain about what to do, standing this close to him she could smell his cologne, the same amazing smell she got from wearing his t shirt. She decided to pre-empt any more flirting and offered him her hand.

"Well it was nice to see you again James, take care." James just stood there for a moment eyeing her hand like it was going to bite him, before he took it in his, shaking it just as formally.

"You too miss Evans." His smile was amused and a little arrogant, so she didn't feel bad at all turning around and leaving him stood there. She has only gone a few steps when he caught up to her.

"I'm sorry but you have to at least let me walk you home." His voice was strong and full of concern for her.

"It's okay, it's not far. I walk home all the time"

"That isn't the point, this is New York, it's dark, and the streets are full of weirdos." She didn't even pause for a moment before she replied.

"One of which is walking beside me."

"Ouch, that hurts. I thought you liked me. We were having a great talk at the bar, you even forgot to be embarrassed, then all of a sudden, I'm getting ignored." She stopped to look at him, wondering how to explain it all to him, but she just shook her head and went back to walking briskly home.

"You don't have to walk me home, im a big girl you know. Besides you're not my usual type, if we got together it would be a complete fucking disaster, especially for our friends when it all blew up in our faces"

"Who said anything a getting together? I thought we were just talking." He paused thinking it over. "Why'd you think we'd be a disaster?" He continued to walk beside her, occasionally turning his whole body towards her, one hand buried deep in his pocket, his tone had changed now, something deep and soft, she really didn't want to look at him right now, to gauge the reaction on his face. Instead she plowed on, explaining it as much to herself as to him.

"Because, all my relationships end in disaster, that's why. When they realise my work, and my friends, are way more important to me than anything they can offer, they tend to get upset and leave. I don't have time for relationships, I don't make the time." She turned to face him and really properly look at him. Looked at the way his hair misbehaved, the constant sparkle in his eyes clearly visible behind his stylish glasses, the slight brush of stubble across his sharp edged jaw, the way his fingers were twitching by his side as if tapping out an unheard beat, and the way his eyes were looking at her right now, as if he could undress her right there.

"We would be a disaster, Cause you and I are completely different. You are the type of guy who remembers anniversaries, birthdays, wants to spend weekends working on the house, and taking the kids to soccer practice, because you are the type of guy who wants to cuddle at night and makes you feel like nothing else in the world could ever matter." Her voice was a breathy whisper when she finished, and the hunger in his eyes looked even stronger now, she turned away from his gaze, frightened to match the intensity.

"Is that such a bad thing?" He asked quietly catching up to her again. "Yes, I want to have a family, be a good husband, and have a quiet comfortable life in the suburbs." He ran his hands through his hair looking frustrated.

"What the fuck did Sirius say to you at the bar? How could you possibly make so many assumptions about me when we have only just met? Newsflash you're not my type either!" Lily couldn't help but snort at that in disbelief.

"Yeah right, you've been trying to undress me with your eyes since we were in the bar."

"That's it! That is exactly the reason why you aren't my type, too goddamn full of yourself. Yes you are smoking hot, and perhaps I did consider it, but you can't seem to accept that someone might not be into you."

"That's not it at all." She spoke softly, like velvet over steel, she wanted him to understand, wanted him to know she could see right through him. "I can accept that. I just can't accept it applies to you." They were now standing outside her apartment. His eyes were angry now; lily did not know why she was happy that he was.

"Your too fucking full of yourself for me." He muttered angrily.

"Oh please, if I hooked my finger, you would be straight up those stairs with me." She stepped up to stand impossibly close to him, her brain was full of the intoxicating scent of him, she knew in her head, this was exactly what she wanted to happen, she wanted him, but wanted him to be just angry enough that he wouldn't want to see her again, but just turned on enough to follow her up those stairs. She could not go on without knowing how he tasted, how it would feel to be pressed into a mattress by his body. She could have her slice of honey cake and not have the disappointment of when it all ended.

"I know what you're trying to do." She felt his words rumble in his chest as his eyes looked down on her darkly. She returned his gaze, her eyes as wide and innocent as she could make them. Her whole body felt superheated, blood pounding through her veins filling her ears with the sound of her own heartbeat. "Don't play games with me Evans" She placed a hand on his chest one finger slipping between the buttons of his shirt, the touch of his skin was electric. She parted her lips slightly inviting him in for a kiss, she tried not to smile as his head dipped to hers but instead of kissing her, his lips moved to her ear.

"I'm not that easy, and you. won't. win." He stepped back from her with a smirk hands sliding back into his pockets, she folded her arms crossly waiting for him to smack his stupid head on something as he continued to walk backwards watching her. Eventually taking a hand out his pocket he mock saluted her turned on his heel then walked away.

Well fuck! She thought to herself, why on earth did she have to be such a bitch? and why did he need to be such a fucking gentleman? Watching him walk away made her truly realise he was worth all the risks of heartbreak, but she had probably ruined any chance she ever had.