Chapter Four

She turned away, pulling out her headphones and not wanting him to see her tear-streaked face.

"I've had dreams about girls falling into my arms," he quipped. Then, more seriously, he said, "I've never seen you dance before. You are amazing."

"I'm hardly that," she replied, wiping at her face with a sleeve. "The younger girls are better."

James turned her shoulders so he could look at her face, but she refused to look up at him. "You were - are amazing, alright?" She nodded but didn't feel it. She kept her head looking down at his feet when he asked, "Hey, you okay?"

She bit back the sharp reply she wanted to say. "I'm fine," she spoke through gritted teeth. She felt his hand on her chin sliding her face up so that he could look her in the eye.

"We have slept together now. You need to give me more than that. We both know you are not fine."

"Don't be cute. It doesn't suit you," she replied sharply, pushing his hand away. "I'm scared, okay? I don't know what this..." she gestured between them, "is. I saw you with someone else, so what did you think would happen when you came over last night?"

He sighed deeply, sliding his hands into his pockets. "You saw me with my publisher. Her name is Toni. I have known her for the past four years, although that was the first time I've met her in person. She is married, has a teenage son, and is more like an older sister than a publisher sometimes," he explained. "Do you need more evidence? Do you want me to call her so you can confirm?"

Lily shook her head, embarrassed.

"Lily, if I am being completely honest with myself, the last thing I should be doing right now is starting a new relationship. You've had me tied up in knots since the first time I met you. I thought that I could ignore this too, but I can't. I don't want to deny that I have feelings for you, but I can't go down another rabbit hole without knowing you feel the same way. I know my heart, and it wants to be with you, but not as some midnight hookup guy. That's the reason why I said no before." Cautiously, he reached out to her and placed a hand on her hip as if to steady her. "I came over last night because I didn't want you to spend another night alone and sad. I can't bear to see or hear you being so down." His other hand stroked her cheek, and she leaned into it without thinking.

"Why are you so nice to me?" she asked. "How can you be so confident what we could be like something out of your romance novels?"

"You've read my books?" He sounded genuinely pleased. She shrugged.

"I may have read a few from Remus' collection while on tour. I didn't know any of them were yours at the time. I saw the notebook you left on the table too." She let herself look at him. "What you wrote was beautiful."

His hair was even more mussed up than normal, and his eyes were puffy from lack of sleep. He looked absolutely perfect. She reached up and brushed a stray lock from his eye, her fingers lingered across his temple. "All the things you write about - romance, courtship, friends to lovers... I've never done any of that, not really. I gave up on relationships when I was still in college. They've never worked because I am a fucking disaster."

He took the hand that was close to his face and clasped it firmly in his own. "I refuse to believe that any part of what happened before was your fault." He looked down at her fingers, rubbing a thumb across her knuckles. "Lily, we are all fucking disasters. The truth is, I'm probably just as scared as you are. I just know I want to be around you and get to know you. You fascinate me." He took a deep breath obviously trying to settle his thoughts before speaking more. "I thought I could deny this and work through my own mess of a life, but I can't stop thinking about you." He ruffled his hair and looked out over the tops of the buildings around them, letting her hand fall.

"What if all the crap we've been through and all the failed relationships were preparing us for this? What if we have always been travelling towards this moment - standing here, together? Because no matter what anyone else says or thinks, I want to take this chance. What happens if we don't try?" He put his hands back on her shoulders. She looked back up at him, saying nothing, not quite sure exactly what he wanted to hear from her. "I want to take a chance on us because you are fucking amazing, Lily Evans, and all I want is to tell you that every single day. I should be the cautious one. I've been burnt by what I thought was love before. Perhaps together, we can build each other up?"

Lily stared into the eyes of this beautiful man and wondered what she had to lose.

"I like you too. I really do, but I think we need to take it slow," she started cautiously. "You're just out of something serious, and I don't really know how to be a girlfriend. Perhaps we should do the date thing?"

"The date thing?" He raised an amused eyebrow.

"Sure. What would you do on a first date?"

"Erm, I haven't dated anyone since college," he said hesitantly.

She tried to help out. "The actual date is not so important, but would you expect a kiss? Something more?"

He smiled and pulled her in close to him. She allowed him to wrap her in his arms but only because she was cold.

When he spoke he sounded nostalgic. "College me would try for a kiss and hope for more. I think we know each other a little better than a first date normally would." His eyes were looking down at her, staring with such intensity. She couldn't stop herself when she reached up to cradle the back of his neck, sliding her fingers up into his hair. He looked a lot more likely to accept a kiss now. His eyes were dark and intense as he looked at her like she was an all you can eat buffet.

"What would you say would be an acceptable number of dates before home run?" She hoped he would understand her point and would only say one or two. After being this close to him and a night of sleeping with her body pressed against his, she was just about ready to jump him right there. But she did want them to be more than just a fling. She wanted the romance, and James Potter didn't jump into anything anymore, although perhaps his eyes were telling her a different story.

"Five," he stated simply.

"Five?" she repeated.

He nodded slowly. His hands were on the waistband at the back of her trousers, but they slipped down and cupped the checks of her bottom and gave it a cheeky squeeze. His smile was mischievous, as if he thought there was no way she could wait out five dates before locking him in her bedroom for a considerable amount of time.

"Okay then, Potter. Five dates it is." She removed his hands from her body and walked back to the fire escape.

"Doesn't this count as a date?" he asked after her.

She paused with her foot on the ladder. "What? You turning up at my door in the middle of the night, then falling asleep on the couch? Oh no, that's not a good enough first date. That was more of an instigator, I suppose." She started her descent, still speaking to him from his position at the edge of the roof. "If you want to do this properly, then let's do this properly. You said five dates, so five it is. I'm all for starting right now."

"Lily, it's Tuesday morning."

"It's also New York. Either go home and get yourself dressed up, or you can borrow some of Sirius's clothes."

James moved slowly over to the fire escape, his feet staying away from the edge. "Eh, if it's all the same to you, I'll just take the stairs and go home to change. I'll text you what to dress for."

She was now standing on the metal platform outside her window. She put her hands on her hips as she looked up at him, looking anxiously down at her. "Who says you get to pick what we do for the first date? I'll text you the address, so you can meet me there."

He looked unconvinced, but Lily wasn't sure if that was just his fear of the fire escape.

Eventually, he nodded. "Okay, you get first pick, but I get to chose the two after that."

"James, you can pick every date after that. Just let me get inside and get ready."

Date One:

She couldn't really contain her excitement as she led James by the hand. He was keeping his eyes closed like he had promised, which was an exercise in trust that impressed her. Keeping the final destination a surprise when she had sent him a Broadway address was probably a little too much to hope for, but he had played along well enough. His hand was so much bigger than hers. She tried to ignore the memory of how they had felt when they held her, and thoughts of how they would feel against bare skin.

Five dates before that could happen. She was determined to see that through. How quickly could they get through five dates?

He was wearing a suit but in a very casual way. The white shirt had no tie and the top two buttons were undone. He looked like he'd just come from a premiere or some high society party. He looked hot as hell.

"Wait here," she instructed before taking a few steps from him, since she wanted to see his reaction. "Open your eyes," she instructed, bouncing on her toes. She knew his enthusiasm probably wouldn't match her own, but she was delighted to see the smile and look of awe on his face as he took in their surroundings.

"Of course, you brought me to a stage," he said wryly, turning on the spot. The ambient lights were on, making it easy to see the ornate work of the boxes, the red curtains, and carpets. She breathed in the particular, indescribable smell and feel of being on a stage. She loved it here and wanted to share that with him. The stage itself was empty of any scenery, as the theatre was just about to start work on a new production.

"Not just any stage," she began, taking his hands and beaming up at him, unable to contain her excitement. "My stage, my theatre."

He looked at her confused, unable to comprehend.

"I got an email this morning. They want me to start next week. I'm a choreographer. People will dance what I want them to, right here!" She bounced on her toes.

"Lily, that's awesome!" James caught her enthusiasm and gave her a hug of congratulations, spinning her around. They were both laughing and smiling. Lily automatically put her hand on his face as he spun her, looking him in the eyes. They stopped spinning as they continued to stare into each other's eyes, her feet off the ground and eyes level with his. She was feeling a little dizzy from the spin, but she didn't care.

It didn't take much to just lean forward and press her lips to his. Her body was tight to his, held firmly by his arms. His lips parted easily for her wandering tongue as she explored his mouth, his hot breath mingling with hers, as he returned her kisses with as much passion as her. He relaxed his grip, letting her body slide slowly down until her feet touched the floor. She was in a summer dress, so she could feel the heat radiating off him through the thin fabric. She wanted to explore him more, but was also aware of their little agreement, so she pulled away from his mouth. He moved his attention to her neck, and she moaned softly, hands sliding up into his hair.

Reluctantly, she stepped away further.

"Not a bad first kiss," she told him with a smirk as she took in the state of him. His eyes were devouring her again, all dark and demanding. His swollen lips looked so inviting. His hair was a disheveled masterpiece. But, she refused to give in, even if on a theatre stage was on her list of places. She was enjoying this slow torture far more than she thought she would. "Come on. I'll show you the rest of this place. There are workshop rooms right here, and offices and costume rooms." She was getting carried away with the place again. She looked back at him, still standing in the same spot with his hands in his pockets.

"You look so comfortable here. You are meant to be on stage, Miss Evans," he told her, but she shook her head.

"Not anymore. I am meant to put other, better dancers on stage and tell them what to do."

"I have a feeling you are going to be great at that." He sounded so genuine she had to beam back at him. He had such faith in her already.

They did not spend much more time exploring the theatre. It had been a favour to be allowed in anyway, and she didn't want to push her luck until she was allowed proper access once she started her job. James was as curious to see the place as she was to show it and asked her questions as they moved their way back through. They exited the stage door, and she made sure it closed firmly behind them once more.

"So how was that, Mr. Potter, as first dates go?"

"It was pretty great, but also pretty quick, if you're sure it's over."

"I had no real plans beyond showing you this place. Where are we going on our second?"

"You want to go on the next one, right now?" he asked, walking in the direction of the road.

"I don't know about you, but I'd quite like to get to our fifth date, sooner than later."

"Okay then. Let's go."

Date two:

She looked at him skeptically as he hailed a cab straight outside the theatre.

"You know where we are going already?"

"I have a few ideas up my sleeve," he replied with a wink. "You've shared a special place for you. I want to do the same." He leaned in and told the driver where to go before opening the door to her. "After you, my lady." He gestured grandly.

She slid herself along the pleather seat and wondered where they were going. James took her hand and kissed it softly the moment they were settled together, and the taxi started its journey.

Lily was happy to lean against James and look out the window, not feeling the need to talk right now. His arm was around her waist, while the other hand was scrolling through his phone. She was beginning to wonder what he was doing when her own phone started to ring from the depths of her purse. When she saw who was trying to Facetime, she smiled.

"Sirius, I've missed you!" she yelled at her friend as his face appeared on the screen. James pressed his cheek to hers so they could both be seen.

"Sirius, long time. Is Remus with you?" James added. Lily watched her best friend's face break out into a slow smile.

"He's here too. Remus, come see these two. It's enough to make you sick," he called. She could just about hear Remus yelling in the background. "You two have been having fun without us, I see," he started. Lily went to shake her head, but it would have meant bashing James' nose.

"We're just going on a date," she answered, waiting to see Sirius' response. Before he could say anything, Remus was sliding into the shot with him, his hair damp, and with a towel around his shoulders.

"That's fantastic!" Remus cheered. "See? I told you they could get along," he added with a dig in the ribs to Sirius. "So when did this happen?"

Sirius rolled his eyes at his boyfriend but when he turned his face back to them, he was still smiling. It was not a full blown happy smile but a thoughtful one, as if he was surprised by how pleased he was. Lily really wanted him to be okay. His friendship meant the world to her. He was her constant, her north star. When she looked at him, she thought he was looking right back at her. He dipped his head a tiny fraction of a nod and winked. She beamed back at him.

"It hasn't. Not properly, anyway. We're going on a few dates first," James was saying to Remus before he planted a kiss on her cheek.

"It's going pretty well so far," she added with a blush, shoving James' face away. He turned his face to look at the phone. She spotted the wink he gave his friends in the preview window. "I've so much to tell you. I've missed our chats."

"Tell us everything. I'm dying to hear your news," Sirius responded happily. "It's been hell on Earth here without being able to talk with you." Remus huffed slightly at that. "Not you, darling, you know that," Sirius added with a kiss to apologise. "How did your gig go? How's the book going? How's the big city coping without me?"

She told them about her audition and about the job offer. Sirius almost dropped the phone when he got so excited. James had news too and told them about his new book deal. Lily sat stunned as she listened to him. Sirius and Remus looked happily back at them and told them they would be starting the tour proper next week but hopefully would get a few days home first.

The whole time, they chatted on the phone with hips pressed together. James' hand rested lightly on her thigh with his other wrapped around her waist, as if they did this all the time. She never felt uncomfortable in his closeness. As soon as they said their goodbyes to their friends, Lily turned to him again, lips pressing a soft kiss to his. It might have gone further, but they had arrived at the New York Public Library.

"Of course, this is your place," she said once he had paid the cab fare and stood beside her. She tried to look as enthused as he so obviously was, as enthusiastic as he had been for her theatre.

"Have you ever been inside?" he asked as he offered his hand to lead her up the stairs.

"On a school trip, once or twice, but I'm sure you know the best places we can get lost in for a while."

To be honest, once inside they didn't do too much exploring or reading. They were never going to read. Any time they found a quiet corner or a convenient, dimly lit alcove, they would linger, hands roving freely over clothes, lips exploring cheeks, chins, necks, and mouths. The pressure to be quiet added another level of excitement for her. Her giggles were loud in the echoing rooms.

"Oh, when I finally get you in my bed," she murmured, nibbling on his ear.

"When I finally get in your bed, I'm going to find out just how flexible you are," he added. "If I survive that long, 'cause you're killing me, Evans."

They left the library, a little hotter and more flushed than they had been on arrival, but grinning like lunatics whenever they looked at each other.

"I'm hungry."

"Will dinner count as a third date?" he asked her with a cheeky smile.

"It would depend on the food, I suppose. Until then, we're still on our second date. Besides, I don't want a fancy dinner. I just want hot dogs."

"You're not serious, are you? Those things have got little to no nutritional value, and you will be hungry again in half an hour."

"Okay then, Dad. What do you suggest?"

"Let me cook for you? We can grab a few groceries and just hang out."

"That does sound like an excellent third date." She slid her hands under his suit jacket. "But don't think just because your going to cook for me that I'm going to stay over."

"Oh, don't worry. I'll kick you out before midnight, I promise," he joked, stepping to the road to hail a cab.

"Subway's right there, James." She pointed. "You don't have to take expensive cab rides everywhere."

"But, in a cab, I get you all to myself," he explained, sliding his hands around her waist and nuzzling into her neck. She sighed and tried not to smile at his cuteness.

Before, when any man had been so openly affectionate with her in public, it set off alarm bells. However, this was not true for James, it seemed. In fact, she quite liked the way his head felt tucked up close to her neck.

"Well, I'm a city girl, and it's way too extravagant for me to have more than one cab ride in a day. We can cuddle up on the train just as easily." She skipped a few quick steps away from him towards the subway stairs and spun to see if he was following, making her dress and hair flare out.

He had not moved from the spot. James just stood there with a goofy half grin.

"What?" she asked, self consciously tucking a strand of her hair behind an ear.

"Nothing," he replied. "Just wanting to remember this moment, this day." She rolled her eyes at him but, inwardly, she was feeling the same way. She offered her hand to him and they went to board the train together.

Date three:

"So what am I supposed to do with it?" she asked in confusion, huffing slightly as he laughed at her.

"You're telling me you've never done this before?"

"Well, no, actually, I haven't," she replied, her tone getting defensive.

"It's okay. Don't worry. There is a first time for everything." His voice was gentle and patient. He came to stand behind her, placing his chin on her shoulder as he guided her hands. With a precision she would never be able to muster without his guidance, he showed her how to rock the knife to make perfect slices of the bell peppers and mushrooms. "See? It's simple. Just go nice and easy with the knife," he instructed before going back to the hob. She continued at a much slower pace, trying to match his perfectly sliced slithers and holding her tongue in her teeth as she concentrated. "It's so surprising to me that you've never cooked," he continued.

"I cook."

He snorted in response to her words. "Frying meat and adding a jar of sauce is not cooking." James countered, in a mildly irritated tone. She was realising he was a bit of a snob about food. Just as well he looked adorable in the navy blue apron, as he chopped onions with an expert hand. He had changed out of his suit as soon as they got to Remus' apartment, and was now wearing a white tank and taupe cargo pants.

It was a relaxed look and dangerously pale colours to be wearing when cooking. All Lily had done to relax her look was remove her denim jacket and kick off her heels.

He turned to take her neat-ish chopped mushrooms and peppers and added them to his pan, giving it a few deft swipes with his spatula.

"We can't all be Gordon fucking Ramsay, you know. My way of cooking has done me alright so far," she countered to his statement. He looked down at the pan he was still stirring, but she saw the side of his face crinkle as he frowned.

"You should look after yourself. Food is important. It's your body's fuel. You wouldn't put sludge in a car, would you?"

"Well sure, if i ever feel the need to own a car, I'll bear that in mind, okay?" She then added impatiently. "I get it. You don't have to get all preachy on me. At least, you're not vegetarian, I don't think I could live my life without bacon."

He chuckled at that and shrugged. "I thought about it. My personal trainer thought it would be good for me, but I like bacon too much too." He looked around as if he was looking for something.

"What's next, Chef?"

"I need to cook the pasta. You can cook pasta, can't you?" He said in a rather patronising tone. Lily gave him a flat stare.

"I'm not completely useless, you know."

His smile was warm when he looked at her. "I know."

When they finally settled at the table to eat two massive bowls of spaghetti with the most delicious sauce she had ever tasted, Lily realised how happy she felt. How easy it was to spend time with James. They fitted together like they were the missing parts to a puzzle. They had spent the entire day together and not once had she felt the need to find her own space. He made her relax. No one had ever made her feel like that, not even Sirius. She enjoyed a little daydream of the life they could have together in the future, eating pasta and just being happy together.

"Stay." He spoke the single word as she put her jacket on to go, standing beside her with his hands in his pockets. His eyes were dark and intense again, she was beginning to recognise that look.

It was getting late. They had watched trashy television and talked about nothing important. Saying goodbye was never easy for her, and it was getting more and more difficult. She wanted to kiss him, kiss him until there was no breath left in her lungs, kiss him until she was begging him to carry her up those stairs once more, to run his hands all over her shivering, lust filled body, but she hadn't, she wouldn't, not yet anyway. She would go back to her own bed, imprint this day on her memory, and use her own fingers to find the release she was so desperately craving.

"Why won't you stay?" he asked her when she shook her head. They had shared a bottle of wine, the majority of which he had consumed. His cheeks had a healthy looking bloom of colour.

"We haven't had our fifth date yet. That was the deal, wasn't it?" she replied, flicking her hair out from her coat.

He moved impossibly close to her, overwhelming her senses with all of him. She couldn't show it, couldn't let him know how much she wanted to wake up in that bed again, this time with him in it too, his limbs tangled with hers, fingers sliding through her hair, and kissing her softly like the lovers in movies do. Perhaps he saw her resolve crack slightly or perhaps the alcohol had emboldened him.

"Lily, please, no more games, no more deals. Just stay with me. You win. I'm at your feet." His hands went to her hips, pushing her back against the wall as his lips dragged kisses along her neck, down the open v of her dress. His hands exploring her body, sliding over the thin cotton of her dress, sliding up under her skirt, gripping her thighs with his strong hands. She couldn't stop the hungry moan that escaped her. Her fingers tangled through his hair and, without thinking about it, she hooked a leg around his calf. All the while his head was dropping lower, ever lower. He was driving her wild and she was feeling so conflicted.

When he kneeled at her feet and lifted her leg to hook it on his shoulder, she knew she had to stop him or she would never be able to stop herself.

"Stop. Please stop."

He did immediately, but his gaze was a little unfocused as he looked up at her, glasses crooked, still holding her leg. His eyes were so dark, he was breathing hard, and he had her wondering why she was saying no. He kissed her thigh before placing her leg gently back down to the ground.

"We need to do this properly, I really need to do this properly. I want to have special dates with you, proper memories of romance. It's not that I don't want to do everything with you. Believe me, I do, but I know once you sleep with a person, it becomes all about that. I want there to be a little mystery, for a while longer at least. We are already going faster than we agreed to."

"Lily, we can still go on the dates. We have time…"

She couldn't look at him, she had to stay strong. "I'm not going to have the time. I have three days before I go into pre-production planning, and you are going to hardly see me after that. Two more dates, then we can spend the rest of time in bed together, I promise. Please, James, for once I'm going to do romance properly."

"You want romance?" James asked, finally getting up and taking her hand, looking resigned. "Tomorrow, you are going to have the most romantic date ever. If this is what you need, then okay. I'm sorry for pushing you."

She leaned into him and kissed him, pressing her hands to his cheeks. "You didn't push me anywhere I didn't want to go." He lifted his head up and kissed her forehead. "I just need to do it this way. I'm so sorry. Goodnight, James."

She slipped out the door without looking back, knowing she had left him standing in the same spot in as much need of a cold shower as she was.