CHAPTER SIX

"When I tell you I'll be fine, I still want you by my side. Please just try to read between the lines."

-Beartooth: "The Lines"

While their spirits had been lifted, their trip down from the Carrock was no easy feat.

Though Thorin would never admit it, he had been badly hurt, and whatever spell Gandalf had cast on him didn't last long. He stumbled and slipped down the sandy, steep trail, and Kili thought Dwalin might lose his mind trying to catch him before he could be hurt worse. Gwen was being much more cautious, keeping one hand on a stone wall or Fili's shoulder the whole way down.

All of the party was beginning to feel the wear of the quest on their bodies. They were exhausted and battered, and Kili could only hope that they would be able to find a safe place and rest there until all of them felt more alive.

It took them nearly an hour to get down, with how slow they were going, and by that time, the sun had risen to its full height, the air warm around them. Compared to the constant chill of the mountains, this touch of sunlight was almost nice. They picked a careful path up along the river, perhaps making it another two or three hours before Thorin called that they should find a place to make camp.

Kili could only be grateful. Gwen was grand and all, but he was getting a little sick of being her walking stick, as her ankle only seemed to worsen. Besides, they had all grown a bit short tempered with weariness. Kili just wanted to slide in the river to cool and clean off, eat something and sleep uninterrupted for hours.

They stopped for a short rest as Dwalin, Bofur and Bifur went off to look for a place for them to set up a camp. They didn't take long and soon had guided the rest of the company to their chosen place.

Kili couldn't help but be a little bit impressed. It was only a ten-minute walk off of the river and surrounded by a thick stand of trees at the top of a hill. A large flat stone stood there, a few feet off of the ground, certainly big enough to sleep all of them, bathed in dappled sunlight through the trees. They had the high ground that would help them keep watch at night, and enough trees for a fire to keep them warm. It was cozy, and secure, exactly what they needed. Oin and Gandalf had stayed behind to tend to Thorin's injuries, but the rest of them excluding Gwen hurried off to bathe in the river, their spirits lifted notably.

There were larger matters to be worried about, such as where they were going to go, and how they were going to get by without any of the supplies in their packs, but that could all wait until they were clean.

The river water was like ice on their skin, pouring out of the northern mountains, and it made Kili numb to the bone the moment he was immersed in it, but around his shivers, he was grinning, joking and splashing with the others. It felt unspeakably good to let the sweat, grime and blood wash off of his skin and out of his hair. He got to wash his tunic and breeches too, and he sat on the shore, watching the others frolic as they dried.

His rest in the heat of the sun was much deserved, and he tried not to let his eyes fall shut, considering that if he dozed off, the others would probably not be able to wake him for a day. It was only a moment until Bilbo joined him, shivering and almost blue to the lips. The silly hobbit had kept his soaking wet clothes on.

"Are you really so determined to freeze?" Kili asked, shifting over so Bilbo could sit against the same washed up log as him.

"No," Bilbo said with a frown, clutching his still-dry waistcoat in his hand. "It's just not decent—"

"Decent?" Kili scoffed. "Master Boggins, none of this adventure has been decent. Now take your shirt off before you catch your death."

Bilbo blushed, but after a moment of internal debate did so, clutching his arms around him to hide his stomach the moment his shirt was gone. He sat down hurriedly, still flushing and mumbling. "Don't look at me. I haven't been eating right, I'm practically starved—"

"I'm not looking," Kili chuckled sitting back, his elbows behind his head, enjoying the sun. He did note that the hobbit was looking skinnier than ever. Poor lad. "There's no lasses eying you up here, don't worry."

Kili's words only seemed to worry Bilbo more as he glanced about nervously. "Well, no. Unless Gwen…"

Kili snorted, lacing his voice with faux confidence. "Mister Boggins, if Gwen was here," he motioned lavishly over himself, "She'd have too much of this to look at to be worried with you." At Bilbo's horrified look, Kili couldn't help but burst out laughing. "Mahal, Bilbo, I'm joking."

"I should certainly hope you are," he sputtered. "I know you two have a—a something going on, but for a young lady like her, that's not—"

"A something?" Kili repeated. "What are you on about now?"

Bilbo flushed only darker. "Well—you know. You two…you're like peas in a pod and…"

"Aye it's called being friends," Kili snorted, rolling his eyes. "We like to banter."

"Hmm," Bilbo sniffed. "Banter. That's what they're calling it these days."

Kili couldn't believe his ears or eyes. Was Bilbo…mocking him? "These days?" Kili snorted. "You sound like an old man."

"Well, I am your senior, really."

"What?" Kili said, sitting upright. "You are not! What are you, sixty?" he guessed.

Bilbo hesitated momentarily, before admitting, "Fifty-one."

Kili couldn't help but laugh. "Oh? And you're so senior? Mister Boggins, I'll have you know that I am twenty-six years your senior."

Bilbo still managed to keep his nose up. "Maturity is more than just age," he said. "You wouldn't know the difference, I'm sure."

"Oh, hop of that tall pony," Kili scoffed, elbowing Bilbo. "You're just as much of a child as the rest of us."

Bilbo huffed, turning away, although Kili could have sworn he saw a bit of a smile on his lips. He was glad Bilbo had gotten comfortable enough to tease. Kili always knew he had it in him. Another perhaps half an hour passed in comfortable silence, some of the other dwarves getting up out of the water to relax in the sun, some returning to camp to hunt. With a sigh, Kili got up, dusting the dirt off of his legs, and stretching his back. It was time he went back to his responsibilities. As he stepped into his breeches, Bilbo turned back to him. "Heading back to Gwen?"

"Not actually," Kili replied, proud to be disproving the hobbit. "I do have an uncle that was hurt. I'm sure you won't fault me for seeing if he's alright."

Bilbo turned back to look out at the river, entirely unconvinced. "Of course."

Kili pulled on his tunic, picking up his belt from where it had fallen. His clothes were still a bit damp, but he felt much better than before. "It's true!"

"Tell her I say hello," Bilbo said, not turning back.

Kili shook his head and started off towards camp, wondering if it really was a good thing that they'd gotten Bilbo so comfortable.

The walk back went fairly quickly, except when Kili heard footsteps in the distance a few hundred yards from camp. He stopped, trying to determine whose they were. They sounded heavy. Likely one of the dwarves. And then, further yet, light, stumbling footsteps. Was it someone hunting?

He carried on carefully, not wanting to spook the other's quarry. He stopped quite suddenly, as a voice called out, "Thorin!"

That was Gwen's voice. Meaning the dwarf was probably—

"What?"

Thorin.

He found himself hiding behind a tree to overhear the conversation. What did she want with him?

"You're still here?"

Still here? What did he mean?

"I need you to extend my contract," Gwen said sharply, not wasting a moment's time.

Oh. Right. The contract. A contract which had made her a part of the company until they had left the mountains. Which…they had just done. Why hadn't Gwen said anything to him?

Thorin scoffed and Kili's curiosity had him creeping forward, closer to their voices. A low shrub hid him from their sight, not ten yards away, and Kili could barely see them through the leaves. They were both tense. Alert.

"Is that so? You've come to beg?" Kili could tell Gwen was biting her tongue against a retort, but Thorin took her silence as leave to continue pushing her. "Your contract stated that you would attend us through the mountains. No further."

"I know, that's why I need you to extend it for me."

"For you?" Thorin repeated. "Why should I do anything for you?"

"Master Dwarf, You're not the only one who's suffered injuries," she admitted. "I can barely walk. I-I would not last three nights alone."

"And what is that to me?" Thorin said carefully after a moment of considering her words.

"That is blood on your hands," she replied easily. "You cannot let me die."

Kili was astonished. Was she asking for help?

"And why can't I do that? You are no longer with my company, no longer my concern. Your contract is up."

"Because you're a king," Gwen said, quite simply. "And if there is any nobleness in you, you cannot let me die."

Thorin scoffed. "You're trying to manipulate me."

"Perhaps," Gwen admitted.

There was a long pause where both were still, thinking, appraising each other. It was the strangest conversation Kili had seen. Somewhere between an argument and a plea.

"My life is in your hands," Gwen said after a moment. Her voice was low, as if she didn't really want to be saying it.

"I do not want it."

"And yet…It is there all the same, is it not?"

The silence dragged on painfully long, and Kili held his breath. He knew his uncle. He thought he did anyway. The length of thought that Thorin had to go to in order to make this decision worried him more than he'd care to admit.

"Talk to Balin. Extend it until you are well enough to survive."

That was all Thorin said, before turning towards the river, his footsteps sharp with frustration.

Gwen visibly relaxed, as Kili let out his breath as well.

That hadn't gone quite as badly as it could have.

He was about to work out a way of slipping off without being noticed when Gwen's head lifted, a tired smile on her face. "You can come out, Master Dwarf."

Kili froze. Had she noticed him? Or was…

This time she looked directly at him, saying, "Yes, you."

Kili stood sheepishly, rubbing the back of his neck. "I didn't think you knew I was there."

"Obviously, or I hope you wouldn't hide in the bushes. Thorin didn't notice."

Well. That was certainly a good thing. "Sorry," he said.

She merely shrugged. "While you're here, I don't think I can make it back to camp without help."

Kili shook his head in exasperation. "You're daft."

"It's called determined," she corrected him, grabbing onto a tree to help keep her up as he picked his way towards her through the brush.

"You really did hurt yourself," Kili said as he helped her arm over her shoulder.

"Not too bad."

He snorted. "Aye, like you would have gone to Thorin if it was 'not too bad'."

She didn't have a reply for that, so they limped back in silence. Camp was coming together slowly, a stack of firewood growing towards the center. Ori, Nori, Bifur, and Bombur were in the camp, puttering about, but despite Gwen's quiet protests, Kili took her straight to Oin, who appeared to be sorting through what he had left of his medical supplies.

"'ello, Oin," Kili chirped.

The dwarf squinted up at him, halfway through rerolling bandages. "What's that, lad?"

Bypassing the question, Kili said as loudly as he dared, trying to keep his tone clear. "She's hurt."

"Kili, it's—"

Oin didn't even hear the start of Gwen's protests, frowning. "No need to shout, I know. Hard not to tell," he grumbled as he set aside his equipment. "Sit down." Gwen had little choice, as Kili set her down next to Oin. "Your ribs and right ankle?" he asked her, to which she just nodded, shooting a glare up at Kili as soon as Oin turned away. Kili couldn't really care less. She could glare all she wanted, as long as it was while Oin was taking care of her injuries.

As Oin ordered Gwen to remove her boot, Bombur called Kili over. "We haven't more than a few potatoes and a bit of flour," he said, sounding none too happy.

Kili was busy wondering how Boombur had managed to hold onto those potatoes and flour when the rotund dwarf continued. "Fili, Bofur, and Dwalin are out, but I doubt they'll catch anything."

"I'll be out there in just a few minutes," Kili explained, trying not to watch Gwen's ankle being wrapped over Bombur's shoulder. "I saw some deer and rabbit tracks, fairly new."

Bombur nodded, deep in thought. "I think a deer would be best."

Kili chuckled. "I'll see what I can do. They're usually out at dusk, though, so it may be a bit until I bring one back."

"That's alright. A few rabbits for the time being would do just fine."

Kili smiled. "Aye, of course. I'll get on that in a bit." He wanted the conversation to end so he could go back to see Gwen's condition, but Bombur was being irritatingly persistent. "I just have to go make sure the lady's alright."

Bombur frowned. "Oin's doing that."

Kili blinked. Well…perhaps but—

"Kili!"

Oin's call proved the perfect way out of that, and with a hopeless shrug, Kili passed Bombur back to Gwen and Oin. "I'll be on that as soon as I can be," he assured as he left.

Bombur seemed unhappy, but Oin was even less pleased when Kili returned. "I need to wrap her ribs. But I can't do it here," his eyes flickered around to the numerous dwarves about the open space. "Need privacy."

Kili nodded in understanding. "We'll find something."

He helped Gwen up off the ground, but they were barely up when Oin was hissing, smacking her in the leg. "I said no weight on it."

She was about to protest, but Kili shook his head at her, pulling her arm a little closer to take on more of her weight. "Best not to argue," he murmured, far too low for Oin to hear. "Injuries make him cranky."

"Bloody great we have him as our medic then," Gwen gritted out as they started down a faint trail in the opposite direction than the others had gone. They moved painstakingly slow, Gwen having to hop her every step.

"Apparently they make you cranky too," Kili murmured under his breath, knowing that he was close enough to her that she'd certainly hear.

The small growl she let out, followed by a weak smack on his shoulder was exactly the reaction he'd expected. They traveled in silence for a minute, Oin following after them once he'd his supplies. "He says it's a sprain," Gwen explained. "And my ribs made him make a face."

"Aye, I'd say you did a pretty good job if getting bashed up is something you wanted."

"Stuff it."

Kili chuckled at himself, deciding they would have to get her a walking stick of some sort. Not that he didn't love being her second leg, but it was taking its toll on his back.

He almost couldn't help himself as the time dragged on, asking, "How did you get out of there, love?"

"Hm?"

"The fall. How did you survive? And how did you find your way out?"

"D'you really think this is a good time to be having this conversation?" Gwen asked, her teeth gritted to the pain of moving.

Kili shrugged as well as he could with her weight on his shoulders. "There's probably been worse times I could have asked."

She sighed. "It was luck, I think." She shook her head, almost in disbelief. "The stupid little bastards didn't let go of me, even as they got crushed against rocks in the fall. I think they're what kept me from being smashed apart. They didn't make it, and when I hit the ground, it was almost totally dark. I found a cave, and smelled fresh air, wandered a bit until I heard your voices. And then…well, you know the rest."

Kili was impressed. That was more than simple luck. "You make it sound simple."

"It wasn't all roses. There was a lot of falling and thinking I was going to die, sitting and wondering if I was going to die, and tripping and—"

"Thinking you were going to die?" Kili suggested.

"Precisely," Gwen said grimly.

They came out to the river in a perfect place, where it crooked out of sight further downstream. A few large rocks, and a small sandy shore sunk down into the river, providing ample places to sit. Kili sat Gwen on the largest flat-top stone and stepped away, letting Oin in to work. "Turn away," Oin huffed to Kili. "She needs to…undress."

Kili snorted but did as he was told. "Ah, yes, decency."

"And no turning back about!" Oin scolded.

"Aye, aye," Kili assented, raising his hands in defeat and looking out at the river. "I won't!"

The sound of clothing shifting almost made Kili turn, but he kept himself from it, sitting down, and trying not to get too bored. Luckily, after a few moments, Oin called for him. "Wet this."

The cloth hit Kili's shoulder and he hopped to his feet, stepping down to the water to do as he was told. He kept his head down, eyes shielded for good measure as he made a show of feeling his way back to them. Oin tore the cloth from his hand, and Kili assumed that was his cue to go and sit back down.

Only a moment passed when Kili heard a sharp gasp of pain from behind him. He fought the sudden urge to turn, but when the second gasp came, he couldn't help it. Gwen was undressed from the waist up, a thick breast band still keeping her decent. Oin was wiping the dirt and sweat off of her ribs, which were mottled with yellowed and blue bruises. The right side seemed to be worse, although that could have just been the dark, crawling ink of her tattoos, which swarmed over the right side of her body, halting in a sharp line down the center.

She looked properly scraped and bashed up. Her headscarf had gone with her tunics, and since her hair was up in a low knot at the back of her head, he could see bruising darkening around her throat as well. He felt sick to the stomach as he recalled those bruises, in particular, being made, the goblin's hands wrapping tightly into her delicate skin.

As his eyes went up to her face he realized she was giving him an entirely unimpressed look around her cringes of pain.

Damn. He'd broken the one rule.

Oin hadn't noticed though…

He raised a brow, silently asking for permission to keep watching. Her slight shrug of permission made Oin fuss at her, but Kili was satisfied, sitting back as Oin put aside the wet cloth, bringing out a small jar of ointment. He applied it to each of her cuts and scratches, working thoroughly, but quickly. This gave Kili time to sit back and really look her over.

She had given permission after all.

She was far too skinny, made up of only bone and muscle under her pale skin. His mother would be horrified. She wasn't overly well…endowed, but her tattoos were fascinating. If he closed one eye and only looked at the marked side, she looked more angular, more fierce. Something dangerous and strange. On her unmarked side, the bruises showed more stark, her ribs sharper, the curve of her hips more visible. She could be mistaken for a fragile, wounded maiden. Almost.

His study was cut off as Oin began wrapping her body. He did it tightly if Gwen's hisses of pain were anything to be seen of it, but Kili knew it was necessary. He'd had to do this in the aftermath of a training mishap with Dwalin fifteen or twenty years back. Turned out that a poorly blocked axe could do a good deal of damage, even through plate armor.

Oin used bandages sparingly, which was understandable considering his limited supply, but in a few minutes, Gwen's torso was well wrapped. Kili had enough sense to turn around back to the river as Oin cleared his throat, wiping his hands off on his tunic and gathering his supplies. "You shouldn't move for as long as you can help it. No strenuous stretching, running or walking, and you shouldn't put weight of any sort on that ankle. It might be wise to soak in the river for a while to take down the swelling. Come to me if your bandages come free. Don't be daft."

With that, Oin's footsteps crunched away.

"Thank you!" Gwen called after him. If he heard, he didn't respond, and after a moment, Kili deemed it safe and turned to face her. She was still mostly unclothed, clutching her shirt in her hand, her eyes locked onto the dark, smooth surface of the river.

"I'm certainly not complaining," he began. "But shouldn't you get dressed, love?"

Her frown deepened, but she didn't look at him. "I have to soak in the river."

"Right," Kili acknowledged. "I can help you."

She nodded slowly but didn't get up, her eyes still locked onto the water.

"Are you alright?" Kili asked, his tone light, but not unconcerned.

She nodded but was obviously lying.

"What's wrong?" Kili prodded, moving to kneel in front of her and meet her eyes.

She scoffed, but it was hollow. "I didn't say anything was wrong."

"No," Kili acknowledged, reaching out to tap her on the nose. "But this did."

She flinched away from his touch. "Valar, since when were you and my nose allied against me?"

"I meant your face," Kili drawled, still not letting his question drop. "What is it?"

He could tell she was about to deny him again, so he beat her to it, asking, "Are you scared of the water?"

She made a face, shaking her head. "No."

Kili leaned closer, not letting her gaze leave his. "Really?"

"You're being strange," she said, pushing him back away by the shoulder. "Did you hit your head?"

Kili rolled his eyes, standing back up. "Whatever you say, love."

"I just don't know how to swim," she admitted at last. "I'm not…scared, per say, but maybe…cautious."

Kili resisted the urge to gloat that he was correct. "You're not going for a swim," he explained. "You're just soaking for a bit. There's plenty of rocks for you to sit on, and I'll help you down and make sure you don't wash away the whole time."

She looked up at him warily. "I feel like you might try and drown me now."

"No," Kili said. "Although I might try and teach you to swim later." He offered her a hand up, and though she still seemed reluctant, she took it, and Kili was able to lend her enough support for her to hop down a few rocks, towards the water. He took a careful moment finding a spot for her. A broad stone was submerged deem enough that her ribs would be in the water, there was a stone behind it that she could sit up against, and that Kili could sit on. He paused them for a moment to pull his boots off, anticipating that he would probably be getting his feet wet at least.

She hissed the second her foot touched the river. "That's cold."

"Not that cold. Besides," he squinted up at the sun, bright up in the sky. "It's warm out."

"Hardly enough," she scoffed, although she had managed to get herself crouching in the water, her injured ankle awkwardly suspended in front of her. Kili was distinctly reminded of the time when his mother had found a stray cat soaked through with oil after an accident back at home. She's drawn a warm bath for the snarling creature, but it wanted nothing to do with that and had extended its claws and all of its limbs, catching the lips of the basin, trying to keep its fur dry. The chuckle that the memory drew out didn't go unnoticed.

"Are you laughing at me?"

Kili decided that this idea would probably draw less ire than the truth, and he swatted her gently on the back of the head. "Aye, and I'll keep doing it you don't actually sit down, you daft bird."

She grumbled an inaudible complaint, although she did sit properly, trying to keep her arms up out of the water even though her torso was fully sunk. He sat himself down next to her, letting his feet dangle into the water. He wasn't sure what she was on about. The water was refreshingly crisp, glittering out before them in the noontime sun. Half a minute had passed when Gwen started speaking in an uncharacteristically bright tone. "Well, looks like the swelling's gone down. Better—"

She started standing, but Kili set a hand on her shoulder, gently pushing her back down into the water "Good try," he congratulated her. "But I don't think that's how that works."

Gwen groaned. "Since when are you telling me what to do, Master Dwarf?"

"Since you went and got yourself all bashed up."

"That was not my fault."

Kili ignored her protest, his eyes moving to her hair, which was steadily slipping looser from its knot. "Let me take your hair down."

She paused. "Why?"

He shrugged, already beginning to move behind her. "It needs washed, aye?"

"Is that a criticism, Master Dwarf?" she asked, turning back to look at him sharply.

"No, no. Of course not, love. It's just looking a bit…sweaty."

Surely, she would have been offended at that comment, but it seemed the greater crime lay elsewhere. "Valar, don't get your feet on me."

"Oh, relax," Kili chided, settling behind her hair, his feet on either side of her in the water. "I just washed them. They're perfectly clean."

She yelped in protest as he let his foot bump into her shoulder. "Kili!"

He couldn't help but laugh as she floundered to slap him away through the water. "You're so dramatic."

"You're a child," she complained.

Kili couldn't help but enjoy the ease with which he was allowed to pick at her. While he wouldn't say that he had her prisoner, he knew that she couldn't just roll her eyes and walk away in this state. It was refreshing.

The updo was held in place with a series of long metal pins, which he drew out carefully, setting aside his leg on the stone. Her hair tumbled easily from its place, falling onto the stone before him. He hadn't been lying when he said it was sweaty. Still, this dried soon enough as he carded his fingers through it, gently tugging at any knots to loosen them. "Don't pull," she protested as he worked at a particularly tricky spot.

He ignored the groan in favor of asking a question that had been tugging at his mind. "Why are you only tattooed on your right side?"

She brought her arms up before her as if she was considering the differences between them. "It's traditional for Rhunish women. Once you're of age, you begin, getting as much done as possible every year during your birth-week. Your family and your friends design them for you, and you can have as many as you would like, as long as it remains on the right half of the body."

"What about the left side?" Kili prodded.

"Once you're married, your beloved chooses your marks, and you have them made every year at your wedding-week."

"I see you have more family than husbands, then," Kili noted, considering the differences in her two halves.

"Astutely noted," she snorted. "Aye. My brother…" her unmarked arm fell back into the water, but she seemed wrapped up in the intricacies of her own skin as her eyes traveled the marks. "He was…dumb. From birth. But he…He drew most of these for me. He loved it. They were his pride."

Kili nodded slowly. "Was?"

"He's dead, now," she said simply. Kili didn't press the issue. Her tone told him that would have been a poor plan.

Kili combed his fingers back from her temples lazily. "That's—" he found himself freezing, his heart pounding up into his head.

Her ears.

Damn. Mahal. Her ears.

His hand had brushed up against them, and all of the sudden, all he could think of was that image in his head of them, pointed in the storm.

He was forced to snap out of those thoughts as she tensed. "Kili?"

Her voice was tight with—nervousness?

He forced himself to chuckle. "Honestly I forgot what I was going to say."

This seemed to satisfy her, and Kili forced himself to go back to combing her hair, even as his head whirled. Had he been seeing things that night? It could have been a trick of the light or the wind. But, it if hadn't been…If they were…Could it be another odd trend from Rhun? Just a deformation from birth? An ear injury that healed oddly?

It couldn't hurt to check. His fingers were combing through her hair, all it would take was a shift of his head, a peek, and he would know. But then…what would he do if they were pointed? He had never asked if she was a human. But, then she didn't look like…well, an elf. Elves were better put together, fairer, prettier, taller, less…Gwen.

Or had he read it all wrong? Was she something less than human?

He shook his head trying to dislodge the thoughts. They made his stomach churn in a terrible, unexplainable manner that he hated. '

He would ask. Just ask her.

Ask her what, though? To see her ears? At best, that would an odd request, at worst, she would attack him and flee. Albeit, she was injured, so…No. That was ridiculous to even think of. She wouldn't attack him, because she'd just be confused and miffed as she showed him her distinctly round and awfully human ears. Human. Or…He knew he needed to ask. He wouldn't rest until he had asked. It was—

His eyes shot wide as she turned around to face, him a slight frown on her face. Had she heard his thoughts? No, that wasn't possible. Or had he said something?

"You stopped."

He tried not to let relief be visible on his face as his heart rate dropped considerably. Her hair. Indeed he had stopped combing her hair, his hands tense on his thighs. "I suppose that means you want me to continue?"

She blinked up at him, shrugging as she turned back out. "It's—"

Before she could tell him to stop, he brought his fingers back into the mass of her hair, running his hands gently over her scalp. He'd probably be covered in her hair, but the soft "thank you" she gave him made it fair well worth it.

It didn't quite forgive the ear-related frenzy he'd been sent into, but it helped. His mind flashed back to the choice he was trying to make, but Kili dismissed it, keeping his hands from straying anywhere near her ears. He wasn't going to ruin this. It seemed almost like Gwen was relaxing. Mahal below only knew she needed it. She kept far too tightly wound for her own good. Kili would reevaluate his choices later when he wasn't as exhausted.

As his mind wandered back through the events of the day, he recalled Gwen's talk with Thorin. "Thank you for asking for help."

She glanced at him over her shoulder as his hands fell out of her hair. "What?"

"With Thorin," he shrugged. "Thank you."

"Why are you thanking me?" she asked, seeming genuinely confused. "I was just trying to save my own arse."

"Well, yes," Kili agreed. A dour feeling rose up in his throat as he remembered the bitterness of having her not come to him for help. And well…in this case, she still hadn't come to him for help. Fili, aye. Thorin, of course. Even Dwalin. But Kili…She turned down his offers as fast as she could blink. He swallowed this burst of thoughts down. "But I know it's difficult for you to ask for help, and everything, so—"

"What was that?" Gwen said, sharply, turning to face him as best she could despite her ribs.

"What was what?"

"There was something on your face," she said, frowning. "Just for a moment. You hid it. What was it?"

Perhaps he hadn't hidden his moment of internal annoyance as well as he could have. He sighed, painting a light smile on his face. "It was nothing, love."

"Don't 'love' me, Master Dwarf. What was it?"

"I said it was nothing, aye?" Kili said, trying to keep his tone neutral.

"So now you're not going to tell me what's wrong?" Gwen quipped, keeping strong eye contact with him. She was like a dog with a bone and Kili wished she would just bloody let go.

"It's not like you don't do it all the time," Kili huffed before he quite realized what he was saying.

Gwen blinked. "Is that really what you think?" There was something between outrage and hurt grinding her voice to a sharp edge.

"What else am I supposed to think?" Kili asked. "You don't tell me a thing without me prying it out of you."

"There are some things you don't need to know."

Kili threw his hands up, sitting back away from her. He hated that phrase. What did it even mean? "Bloody hell, Gwen, I know you think I'm childish, but really?" Bile rose in his throat at the memory of the conversation they'd had just days earlier, about how much he hated being treated immaturely. And here she was, doing just that.

"I never said that," Gwen bit back, the fire in her voice shying away as his temper rose. "I never said you're childish. I said there's some things that there's no reason for me to tell you about."

"You should tell me because I want to help you!" For someone as sharp as her she was damned thick in the head.

"I don't need your help, Master Dwarf."

The cold briskness of her tone only set him off. "Oh, but you need Thorin's help, don't you? And Balin's? And Dwalin's, of course. Oh, and be sure not to leave out your greatest confidant, my brother. Soon, you'll be getting favors and comfort from every bloody being in this company except me of course, because for some asinine reason, you refuse to let me help you."

"Well, maybe I don't need your help, Master Dwarf."

"Call me by my damn name, woman."

"Fine," she spat back. "I don't need your help, Kili."

"Thank you," he drawled though there was no sign of graciousness in his tone. Sunk in freezing water, battered and bleeding, her eyes were glittering with frustration. Still too damn proud. "You think you are so independent, Gwen. You think you can go on like this forever, alone, isolated, stubborn. Well, that's not how the worlds works." He refused to break eye contact, watching her eyes to see something change, just something to show that her words were making a difference. Nothing. Her eyes were steely, jaw set. Nothing. Kili took in a deep breath, exhaling and feeling the fire leave him. "When you realize I'm right, I'll be waiting." She opened her mouth to speak, but it fell shut. She had nothing to say. He crushed down the part of him that wanted her to do something. To smile, to say he was right, to cry just something to show that this conversation had left her feeling even almost as shaken as it made him. He stood, brushing himself off. "I'll send Fili to help you back."

"You don't have to do that."

"Oh come on," Kili growled, his anger kicking back to life. "You can't bloody walk, Gwen."

Her eyes were still cold as ice as she looked back up at him. "Then I'll crawl."

She was bloody serious. Kili laughed humorlessly and shook his head, turning back around and walking away in earnest. "I'm sending Fili."

He was almost out of earshot, when he picked up the sound of her voice saying, "Alright."

Kili didn't let himself turn around.


The sky grew alarmingly dark by dusk, and Kili wasn't entirely sure what to make of it. It looked almost like it was going to storm, but the air was totally stilled, without any of the usual tension that accompanied the brewing of the storm.

It was odd. But alright by Kili's books. The premature darkening of the sky had brought out his prey earlier than usual. He had tracked the deer for over a mile through the underbrush, across faint paths, and his back hurt and his mouth had become sickeningly dry, but it was all worth it as he came up upon the creature after almost an hour of stalking. Kili already had his bow out, even though he was out of range. He could just barely see the deer. It was a doe, twice as tall as him. It would feed all of them well for two days. Bombur would be proud. And she might be impressed. She—

Kili shook his head to rid it of the sudden feeling of pressure, like bees knocking around his hollow skull, pushing out the back of his eyes.

As he blinked, the deer's flashing tail caught his eye, drawing his attention back to the hunt. His thighs burned, but he kept low anyway, stepping lightly, his footsteps dead silent, even through the dry leaves and twigs. It was an absolute pain, but it would be worth it. Had to be worth it.

Every heartbeat was ridden with nerves as he neared it. Even the slightest sound could send his quarry darting away, never to be seen again. But Kili wouldn't make any noises. He knew this rhythm well

Once in range, Kili raised his bow, nocking an arrow all in one breath. He let one knee fall gently to the ground to stabilize him. He wouldn't be shaking or slipping at a time like this. No. Not now.

The world slowed down to a breath as he took aim, waited for the deer to look up at him, her wide, wet eyes blinking, and his arrow flew, the twang of the bow sending shivers up his spine.

The arrow flew truer than anything he'd seen, and he stood as it slid through the throat of the doe. It startled, a whimper creeping out of its severed windpipe, and then it bucked and collapsed, blood pumping steadily out of it into the leaves.

She stood in the place of the deer, a few feet behind, the arrow having handed in the center of her own throat. Her eyes were glass as she clutched at the—at his arrow. Blood bubbled up around it, flying out of her mouth in a wet cough, staining the front of her clothes deep crimson. "Kili, help me."

She was barely audible over the rattle of her breath through her punctured throat, but he wasn't moving. Couldn't move. Mahal, he was screaming. She sounded terrified.

He shot her. He shot her in the throat, and she was falling.

Mahal.

He wanted to cry out, wanted to help her, but the damage was done. She was done.

He stood over her as she wrapped a hand around the arrow with her dying strength, ripping it out. Blood spattered in heavy drops, and as she spoke, it sprayed out of her mouth, dyeing her teeth red. He wanted to look away but she was all he saw. "Help me."

He couldn't.

She offered her sword up to him, and once it was in his grasp, she died. Her blood ran out in a pool, spreading through the ground and turning it rich and red. He looked at the sword in his hand, and at himself. He had it for a reason. The blade was cool against his—

Kili woke, sitting bolt upright with a gasp and a strangled shout. A dream.

He hadn't had one quite like that in a while. He credited it to the fact that he'd fallen asleep in the direct sunlight, contorted up against a tree. He shook his head, wiping the sweat away from his brow.

Mahal. That was sick.

Part of him worried that the dream had been real, but the clear skies and his catch of only five squirrels and two rabbits proved that quite untrue.

It was just a dream.

He had his waterskin, but it only had a few drops left. At least that was enough to wash the sharp bite of copper out of his mouth. He stood after replacing the skin, taking with him his bow and string of prey. He had to talk to Gwen.


This proved to be a less than easy feat. When he got back to camp, he was immediately sucked away to help Bombur clean the animals. The others had caught a few more squirrels and small birds, but no larger prey. Still, it would be food, and it would be good enough for the night. When he was finished with that, Gwen was speaking with Gandalf. Kili would have interrupted, but he felt it wouldn't be wise. They sat close together, their voices too low to be audible.

So instead of resolving the churning of his gut, he went and sat with Fili who had taken a rag to his swords to clean the goblin blood from them. "What happened?"

"What?" Kili asked, looking up.

"What happened with Gwen?"

Kili sighed. He figured that's what Fili had been asking about, but didn't particularly want to talk about it. Fili had looked very alarmed when Kili told him a few hours before that Gwen was in the river and needed help back, but hadn't asked any questions as he went to go help her. Kili was glad for the rush then, but was less glad now that he was having to face questioning. "It was nothing."

Fili snorted. "That's not even close to true, brother. She wouldn't say a word, but she looked upset. What did you do?"

"I didn't do anything!" Kili protested. "Why do you assume I'm the villain?"

"Fine, then what did she do?"

"Well…It was both of us," Kili admitted. "We just got into a bit of a disagreement."

"About?" Fili asked, raising his brow and setting his sword down.

"I don't even…" Kili shook his head. It had been a mess. "She was just being stubborn."

"And then that made you stubborn?"

Fili knew him too well.

"I suppose. It was…I should apologize. I just…" Kili struggled to find words, but Fili was more than willing to sit and listen as he found them. "She tries to do everything on her own. She won't admit that she needs help, and I know I've talked to you about it before, but…"

"So you talked to her about it?" Fili pressed gently.

"Talked, or shouted, they're basically the same thing, aye?"

Fili gave him a long exasperated look. "You tell me. How well did that go over?"

"You saw."

Fili shook his head with a sigh. "You look tired."

"Thanks," Kili said drily. "You've been very helpful, brother."

Fili glared at him as he brought his sword back up to work on. "I can't help you if you don't help yourself, Kee."

Kili sighed. "I know. I'm trying."

Fili paused before he brought the rag to his blade. "Do you want me to go get her?"

"No," Kili said. "I'll wait 'til she's finished." He sat back on his hands, rolling out the tension in his neck as they fell silent. The camp was at a low buzz of conversation, as the sun began to set through the trees. The air was already cooling off without the touch of the sun, the stone warm underneath them. Nori and Dori were working on lighting a fire, while a few others were off building a good stock of firewood. Thorin sat, secluded on the opposite side of their camp, leaned up against a log that had been brought up. Kili couldn't quite tell if he was brooding or sleeping or a little bit of both.

Kili turned to Fili. "Did Balin extend the contract?"

"Aye," Fili said, a smile coming to his face. "Just an hour or two ago. It seems the fates have it out that she should be stuck with us."

Kili chuckled with his brother. "Aye, whether or not she wants it."

"I think she likes it with us," Fili said, shrugging.

"Who does?"

Gwen had just hopped up behind Fili and was using his shoulder to keep herself upright. Fili glanced at her. "Well, you're the only she, so…"

"I don't know if 'like' is the right word to use," Gwen said, crinkling her nose momentarily at the thought.

Kili had been trying to find the right way to breach the topic, but Gwen beat him to it, her eyes meeting his, all playfulness fading. "Master Dwarf…"

"Let's go for a walk," Kili quipped, bouncing to his feet with more enthusiasm than he had.

"More of a hop, really," Fili observed, as Kili helped her arm over him.

"We'll be back in just a bit," Kili told his brother, although it didn't really need to be said.

"Go," Fili said, shooing them off with his hands. "Leave me alone, children."

Gwen glared at him, but Kili kept her from replying by starting them off towards the trees. They didn't go far, the silence falling heavy between them as they both lost their facades of relaxed banter.

Once they were out of earshot from the camp, Gwen indicated that she wanted to stop, so Kili did as she wished, letting her lean against a tree. Before Kili could come up with the right words to say, Gwen was speaking. "I'm sorry."

Kili was momentarily surprised, but shook his head, "Love, don't—"

"No," she interrupted. "Let me talk."

He kept his mouth shut and listened. He had been prepared to apologize, so this came as a bit of a shock.

"I'm…Aye. I'm sorry." Her eyes flickered to the ground, unable to meet his. "You've...you've been nothing but kind to me. Annoying," she added in a halfhearted attempt to keep from becoming too sincere. "But very kind. You don't…deserve the things I said or the way I treat you."

Kili had to butt in there. "Gwen, I'm not kind to you so that I'll deserve something—"

"I know, but that only makes it worse," she explained. "You're…Aye." She cleared her throat. "I'm sorry."

"I didn't want you to apologize, love," Kili explained softly once it was clear that was all she had to say. "That's not…I wasn't trying to make you feel bad. That's not what I want."

"What is it then?" she asked, her eyes lifting to his. There was no edge of anger there. Just something like upset. "What do you want?"

"I just want to help you," Kili said. He thought that had been obvious. Didn't she know that by now? "I just want you to let me help you."

Her lips pressed together into a tight line as she took in his words. "You can't fix every problem, Master Dwarf."

"Kili," he corrected.

"Kili," she repeated, even if only to appease him.

"I know I can't," he replied. "But you have to at least give me a fighting chance. Let me try."

"I wish I could do that, but I don't know how," she admitted, her voice cracking, something dark flickering in her eyes.

Kili wasn't sure what to say to that. It was a reasonable complaint, he supposed, but difficult to answer. He lifted a hesitant hand to her shoulder. She didn't acknowledge the touch. "I…I don't know exactly how either," he confessed. Gwen shook her head, but Kili lifted his hand to her cheek, guiding her eyes back to his. She looked bloody scared. Hurt. "But I know how you can start." Her brow lifted slightly as she waited for him to continue. "You can say what's on your mind. Stop hiding."

"That's not that easy—"

He shushed her. "I know. I understand that's easier said than done. But I just need you to try." She opened her mouth to speak, but no sound came out. "Can you do that, Gwen? Just promise me you'll try?" After a moment, she nodded. "Promise?" Kili prompted, squeezing her shoulder slightly.

"I promise."

Her voice was soft, but upon studying her face, and peering deep into her eyes, Kili found she looked genuine. He'd have to trust her word. He let a relieved smile onto his lips. "Thank you."

She flushed a bit, only making him smile more. Hunched as she was, she was almost on eye level with him, so it wasn't tricky for him to set his hand on the back of her head, leaning forward to knock their heads together. She hissed in pain, but Kili just grinned. She smelled of earth and sweat and something warm and tingly. "Oh, I was gentle," he admonished her as he stepped away, letting his hand fall from her shoulder.

She glared at him, hands on the spot he'd hit. "I'm not accustomed to your brutish dwarven traditions."

Kili rolled his eyes. "You're dramatic."

She grumbled but stopped Kili by calling his name as he started away back towards camp. "A little help?"

Right. He'd almost forgotten she was a cripple. "Are you sure you don't want to crawl?"

The jab didn't go unrecognized, as her jaw dropped slightly agape in disgust. Kili couldn't help but snicker at his own joke. It was entirely worth the cuff on the ear once he got close enough, Gwen started to go off on him, but he ignored her words, helping her leaning over him. "Aye, I know. I'm terrible."


Hey, all! I hope you enjoyed this chapter consisting almost entirely of just...conversations. Due to my lack of skill in writing action sequences, and my love of angst, there are going to be lots of these coming up. Sorry, friends. Just how it is. If you had thoughts about this chapter, do let me know! It doesn't matter if you haven't commented on any other chapters, if you have an account or if you're anonymous, I'd love to hear what you thought, good or bad. Thank you for taking the time to read! Talk to you on Wednesday!