Chapter 17: His Remorse

His Fame, Her Self

Genre: Drama/Romance

Summary- Rima Touya is a lower class girl with a scholarship to a rich elite high school called Knight Academy, filled with rich kids, who hate her! She just wants to finish her schoolwork to graduate high school and become an artist! Unfortunately, Senri Shiki, the most popular boy in the elite academy of snobby rich kids and the known world that has his face on a magazine cover, is interested in the outcast Rima Touya and kinda stalking her...for some reason. Could it be her oversized clothing attire, or her messy hair, or her thickly framed goggles? As she tries to be distant with Senri Shiki, her family and friends push her toward him. Could something start? Or just make the Touya female hate the rich society even more?

Thanks to Readers and Reviewers:

So it took some time to write this chapter due to the horrible writer's block and my own personal issues!

But I will work hard to update much quicker and sooner! So here is chapter 17!


Sitting in the lunch area, I ignored the many conspicuous glances and whispers. I turned the page of my book as I took another bite out of my sandwich. Despite my intent on ignoring the pairs of eyes, I gave in to my curiosity and glanced up at my book.

A series of small cliques stopped in front of my lunch table. A flash of fear appeared on their faces and they quickly walked away from me.

Subconsciously rolling my eyes, I returned to the pages of my book. It's already been a week since the fiasco at the gym. Despite the drama having fizzled, the entire student body continued to buzz about how the scholarship student yelled at the famous Senri Shiki. I continued to avoid Senri Shiki, Big Sister Yumiko, and Osamu. Though I have come to accept my feelings, I think it's best I don't cross paths with any of them for a while.

"Rima." My ears perked up to the sound of my name and I raised my head to see Osamu standing a few feet away from me. The table provided a good amount of distance between us, otherwise, I would've thrown my sandwich in his face. I resisted the urge as I thought of Masaru's culinary work going to such waste.

Not wanting to waste food, I placed my sandwich in my lunch bag. And, much to my dismay, I shut my book close, careful to remind myself where I left off. I silently tucked both items away in my backpack.

My jaw locks as I silently bit the tip of my tongue to prevent myself from spewing out a few dirty words to him. I avoided eye contact even as his presence created an overwhelming desire for my attention.

"Ri-"

"Don't say my name!" I snapped, which caused the blond-haired boy to reel back. Once all wandering eyes and ears were gone, I glanced up at the frightened boy in front of me, "I said I don't want to talk to you."

As I turned my heel, his hand grasped at my wrist, "Please! Just listen to me, Rima!"

"Let me go." I coldly stated over my shoulder.

"Rima, listen-" He began before I cut him off.

"I said not to say my name!" As I turned my head, he yanked me closer to him. His head lowered, and his eyes closed. No!

"No!" With whatever strength I had, I shoved him away harshly that he ended up on the ground as a cloud of dust floated in the air.

His face turned sour and red as he brought himself back to his feet and strode toward me, "Why are you acting like a petulant and stubborn child?"

"Excuse me?" I rose an eyebrow as my voice rose incredulously, "Why do you act like a stubborn privileged boy?" My nostrils flared, "I'm not a toy or a piece in anyone's game. So, leave me alone."

He blocked me from walking away, "You are going to listen to me. I want you to be with me because I've loved you from the moment I saw you."

"Bull." I flatly stared at his desperate amethyst eyes.

"True, the bet was in bad character, but it was with good intentions."

"Good intentions?"

"I wanted to prove how much I loved you that I couldn't bear to have you the object of desire for anyone else. That's why I initiated the bet on Shiki. I knew he was too good and kind to agree to my terms." His face turned dark, "But he did. He was hesitant, but he just couldn't stand to see me with you."

"Didn't you imply he initiated the bet?" I avoided saying his name out loud. The sudden thought of him sends a lump to my throat and made my heart heavy with invisible lead. I don't know what kind of damage I could receive from saying his name out loud. Let alone how much my shattered heart could handle just by the verbal affirmation of his name.

"Well, uh, you see," His face flustered as he nervously shifted his eyes, "what I meant was, umm-"

"I think I've heard enough," I attempted to walk around Osamu, only for him blocked me again. I sighed in frustration, "What do you want?"

"Okay, fine!" He admitted, "I manipulated Senri to make the bet!" He whispered sharply as he gripped my wrist, "But he wouldn't admit his feelings for you and I didn't think he'd agree."

"He doesn't have those so-called feelings for me" I stated plainly, "You must've imagined it."

"He stared at you between classes," I was taken aback at his blunt statement. His nostrils flared as he recounted from his memory, as though the memory was still fresh like a new wound, "He really liked your art and he spent hours in the library reading up your favorite artists and style."

Trying to appear unfazed, I huffed indifferently, "He could've done that for any girl."

"He told Minako to stop bullying you. He warned her that her reputation would be ruined if she dared laid a hand on you again." He continued, making it hard for me to ignore, "He wanted you to avoid meeting Hikaru and Ryuu because they knew he liked you and they are the only two who can successfully embarrass him no matter what."

The newly acquired information simultaneously made my heart drop to the chasm of my stomach and made my heart drum hard against my ribcage. I couldn't find the words of indifference I was so used to repeating. A little bit of my heart hoped that what he was saying was the truth, but a portion of my brain warned me it was all lies.

"I knew how he worked, and I thought he'd never take a chance of hurting someone and damaging his reputation for a bet." He sighed angrily as he gripped my wrist fiercely, "But I was wrong! It doesn't change the fact that I love you more than him. And I won't take 'no' for an answer, Rima!"

Alarms rang inside my head that told me to run and leave as quickly as possible. I immediately broke myself from his grip, "The feeling isn't mutual. You still set up a bet on me! You made me a toy for a game I wanted no part in! Just leave me alone!"

He blocked me again, and towered over me as his voice whispered darkly, "I'm not taking 'no' for an answer."

"It's the only answer you're getting." I harshly shoved my shoulder against his, which made him lose his footing and gave me an opening to make a run for my next class. He chased me.

Luckily, I was able to lose him a few hallway corners and a girls' restroom door conveniently and discreetly located. I lingered against the door of the single occupant restroom to ease my rapidly beating heart.

Did Senri Shiki really like me? Was it not entirely a lie? I began to swirl the new information in my head as I tried to catch my breath from the impromptu chase. A little piece of my shattered heart softly beat at the slight possibility of it to be true. Yet, another piece had warned me to not accept anything as truthful so easily.

I felt so conflicted, I nearly felt like crying. One half treaded precariously through the war zone of my damaged self and said not to get my hopes up as I attempted to repair all the hurt I've experienced. The other half rose slowly at the thought that our affection for each other was reciprocated all along.


Sitting on my bed, I browsed through my textbook pages searching for the last answer for my homework. I balanced my lead pencil between my pursed lips as my fingers edged close to getting paper cuts from flipping the pages back and forth.

In frustration, I sigh, "Only at Knight Academy can an English Literature teacher give us a homework assignment about Human Anatomy."

I stopped at the page I was looking for and released my writing instrument with delicate care. My eyes scanned the subtitle: The Heart-Brain.

The heart has an intricate network system called the nervous system that supports neurotransmitters, proteins, and cells. It's been thought that the communication between the brain and the heart has been one-sided. However, it's been known that the two organs influence and communicate with each other in a dynamic way. Research shows that the heart communicates with the brain neurologically, biochemically, biophysically, and energetically; These communications affect the brain's activity, which means the heart sends more information to the brain than the brain sends to the heart. It is referred to as the heart-brain communication.

I felt so conflicted. My heartstrings chimed at the poetic structure of the human body yet the pain inside my soul told me that I was finding lovely poetry in every crevice I could find. The waves of pain and anger swelled in my stomach as I re-read the paragraph as I desperately wanted the text to say the heart and the brain were bad neighbors that never got along. But inside my pained and broken spirit, I was thinking how beautiful those connections and networks worked in my body. Maybe in his body too?

I quickly shook my thoughts as I looked back on the question of my homework assignment. Do you think with your heart or your brain? How do you know?


"So, you basically got a driver's license to not be in the same car as Umeki?" Sitting in the driver's seat, I was driving Masaru to his photo shoot at a local studio. I stopped at the red traffic light behind the wheel of a beaten up, navy blue Toyota sedan. The right turn signal thumped along to the music on the radio.

It was a couple days after the Umeki encounter, which I've been able to avoid occurring again. I hadn't told anyone what he told me as it could arise unwanted questions and theories from my family and friends.

"I've been wanting to get it for a while Masaru. I got it, so I wouldn't have the trudge through the rain for a late bus." He looked at me with a stern look on his face that made me give in, "And I wanted to rub it in Umeki's face that I could pass on the 1st try."

I made the turn once there was a clear opening and I noticed his face wrinkle a bit, "But that wasn't the main reason, right?"

"No," I half-lied, "I just wanted to learn something new." In all honesty, I just didn't want to rely on anyone to get me home safely and in one piece – sans harassment. I almost got ran over by a shiny gold-colored Jeep as I waited for the bus. Both Senri Shiki and Osamu tried to give me rides a few times; I ignored them by pretending to blare music on my music player or imagined them as invisible.

I followed Masaru's intense and curious stare at the cassette player that we'd probably never use, "I know it's not fancy or new," I glimpsed at him as I turned to park inside the studio's parking lot, "but it'll make things a bit easier for us."

Once I parked the car in a shady spot, I rolled up the car windows and killed the car engine.

"And you." I glanced at my younger brother quizzically, "Driving places will make things easier for you, too."

A small smile appeared, "Yes. It'd be easier for me to go to school, go to work, and take us home." I opened my door to get out the car.

"Will it make it easier for you to forget Senri Shiki?"

I closed the car door and looked at his despondent expression. He laced his fingers together to avoid twiddling them – like he always did when he was nervous.

My family, Sachiko, and Kazou had been able to say his name in discreet whispers and looks. They all managed to tip-toe and avoid his name for me in half-pity and half-fear. They didn't want me to revert to my sullen, unresponsive self who shut doors immediately upon entering the room and locking myself behind doors either staring listlessly at the ceiling. The other Rima who blasted music through her music player and avoided eating meals as much as evaded sleep.

Yet, the young and bold Masaru mentioned Senri Shiki to me with a slight ounce of curiosity and fear in his eyes.

I sighed, "Why are you worrying about him?"

"I'm not," he quickly saved himself, "I meant you can forget Senri Shiki, right?

I noticed the small wrinkle of worry on his brow, but it softened and disappeared when I patted his hand in a reassured manner.

Collecting my bag and keys, I move my head in the studio's direction, "Let's head in before Umeki loses his head."


Once we entered the studio, I immediately noticed the deep scowl etched on Umeki's face in the vast sea of smiles from the producers, directors, and the main photographer.

He sprinted to where we were and curtly asked toward me, "What took you so long?"

"I had to wait from Masaru to get out of school." I replied matter-of-factly, "You know because his education is important." His embarrassed face turned beet red at my answer that he turned his heel to try and conversate with the photographer about the shoot.

"Can you both behave?" My younger brother urged me.

I placed a reassuring hand on his shoulder, "I'll be cordial in consideration for you and your future shoots. Umeki just needs to avoid bothering me and let me listen to my music in peace."

Once I sat tossed my bag on a director's style chair to rummage for my music player, I saw a stream of colorfully dressed people whizz by me. Masaru was immediately fawned over by the costume designers and makeup artists as they prepared him to enter the photo set.

I smiled at how he composed himself among the multiple hands touching his face, hair, and clothing. Masaru was nearly unrecognizable as my brother and appeared more like a regal, refined (and very young) diplomat.

He walked to set and spoke to the photographer on what he wanted and what the shoot was for. Apparently, Masaru ended up on a huge men's clothing ad campaign for huge men's clothing company by Yumiko's family.

I plugged my headphones into my music player and searching for a playlist I was in the mood to listen to. I hit shuffle and raised the volume as much as I could endure.

"Visitors have to stay on set" Umeki's voice held a tinge of venom I brushed aside.

"Nature calls, Umeki." I replied venomously, "Or would you prefer I do it here?" He stood silent, not wanting to speak of the inner works of my bowel movements.

"That's what I thought," I muttered loud enough for him to hear.

As I walked away from the set, I noticed a slight flicker of concern in Masaru's eyes. I turned my heel to speak to him as I walked backward, "Don't worry, I'll be back."

His model smile appeared quickly at my reply as I turned my heel to walk properly.


I washed my face in the girl's restroom to cool my warm face that was simmering from Umeki's presence. My wrists rested on the porcelain sink as I tried to calm myself with a breathing exercise I picked up a couple of weeks ago.

My anger was boiling at the sight of Umeki being overbearing to Masaru. I nearly jumped over the table and tore his hair from the root when he told my brother that he had to work twice as hard on the photo shoot since I'll no longer model with him as initially planned.

As I dried my face with a handful of paper towels, I glanced at my reflection briefly. The dark circles had nearly faded from weeks of evading sleep, and my skin glowed from its previous pallid color I had from avoiding food. My reflection appeared brighter and livelier. I silently scolded myself for depriving myself of my two greatest pleasures over pompous, arrogant boys.

I sighed at the thought of Senri Shiki, his dear mother, and his sweet cousin. I quickly shoved thoughts of him away as I exited the restroom.

I jumped out of my skin from the shouts and hollers from a large group. Looking over, I noticed the rabid, wild congregation of paparazzi examining the condition of their expensive cameras and frantically looking for someone picture worthy.

"Let's check over here!" A young enthusiastic photographer said as he led the eager group down a hallway.

The herd of photographers ran past me quickly as the security guards attempted to corral them elsewhere.

Alone, I examined the unattended snack table with temptation – particularly the cupcakes. Glancing around to ensure there was no crazy photographers, no overbearing security guards, and no uppity models, I led myself to the immaculate, untouched table of desserts and plucked a cupcake with navy blue frosting.

As I ate the cupcake eagerly, a hand suddenly appeared from underneath the table. It wandered around until it grabbed ahold of a cookie and retreated underneath the white cloth.

I finished my cupcake and noticed the hand return on the table as it earnestly searched for another cookie. Feeling slightly empathetic, I grabbed the cookie from the tray and placed it between the hand's fingers. Suddenly, a mountain of reddish-brown locks appeared from underneath the tablecloth, "Thanks, I've been starving all day."

There he was. Senri Shiki. He had hidden underneath the table of the dessert spread as he tried to scarf down some cookies.

Our eyes met, and I tried my best to keep my composure, "Sure. Don't mention it."

He crawled out from under the table and stared at me.

We stood silent for a while. I could the intensity and ferocity of my heart beating in my ears. Damn heart-brain!

I decided the break the silence, "I have to go."

"Wait, wait!" I stopped and noticed his eyes were wide and filled with fear and desperation, "I-I, um…I'm really sorry." His silver-gray eyes held no mischief or playfulness – they were warm, cautious, and sincere, "I had no right to do that to you. I know that we can't go back to how we were and that you might not want me back in your life. And I understand if you don't forgive me, but…" He nervously rubbed the back of his neck, "I wanted you to know I'm not proud of my actions and I'm really sorry. Really, really sorry."

The male model before me puzzled me. He was rambling and remorseful, and quiet – everything he typically isn't. Yet, it was somewhat refreshing to see a different side of him.

With a small smile and blush growing, I glanced down at my Chuck Taylor shoes to hide them from his view, "Thanks." I bit my lip to hold back the smile from growing and prevent tears from spilling. I took a deep breath to gain my composure to look up at him, "I appreciate that."

A small smile appeared on his face. My heart thumped at his radiant grin. It wasn't like his playful smirk filled with mischief and teasing nor was it like his million-dollar smile on glossy magazine covers that held a sense of control and coquettish in nature. This bright smile is one that I've never seen held such warmth and tenderness my heart decided to fall in love with it against my wishes.

"Where's Senri Shiki?" A voice boomed as we both turned to its direction.

A look of fear replaced his warm smile, "Oh man! I forgot I was trying to avoid them!" He frantically looked everywhere for a place to run and hide to. There were no doors or windows in sight, only hallways that potentially lead him to the herd of enthusiastic photographers.

I heard the thunderous footing of the paparazzi heading in our direction.

Oh no! The last thing I want was another Umeki meltdown in relation to Senri Shiki. Without thinking, I yanked his shirt to lead him to an obscured corner where paparazzi eyes would either think of us as invisible or unworthy to be photographed.

"Here!" I viciously tore the dark sweater off my body and handed it to him, "Put it on!" I commanded him as I scanned the area for any paparazzi.

As he placed the sweater on, I immediately removed my glasses and placed my hair in a messy bun.

I lead us to a corner that was nearly obscured from potential entrances. I realized he looked too clean – a bit neat and proper in a stylish manner that made him stick out. With a sudden burst of courage, my hands reached out to make his reddish-brown mane messier than it should be. I pulled the hood from the sweater over his tousled tresses. I place my glasses on the bridge of his nose.

His eyes widened as he adjusted to my frames, "I thought these were for show?"

"Why would I even lie about being near-sighted?" I stated plainly. He was quiet, a bit embarrassed at his assumption. I sighed to soften my next answer, "I can see decently, but I still need them to read."

The crowd of photographers spilled into the area, continuing their search for Senri Shiki. I had hoped the security guards had escorted them out but, by the looks of it, they had a difficult time doing so.

A photographer glanced at us and I immediately shifted my eyes to Senri Shiki's worried silver-azure orbs. I warned him, "They're everywhere now, so don't let your eyes stray from me."

I anticipated a suave, flirty comment from him but found that he was occupied with chewing his lower lip nervously as a small pink blush dusted across his face. He was quiet for a bit and whispered, "Isn't this a bit too close?"

I wasn't really close to his face, but I was close enough to have my face obscured as well. I didn't need Umeki hearing about me interacting with a mysterious hooded figure. I replied, "Sorry, if I'm a bit too close for comfort but if they recognize either of us, we're done for. So please bear with me until this is over."

"I'm really sorry, Rima." I heard the chimes in my heart tinkling as he said my name. His brow furrowed, and his eyes looked between me and the floor, "I probably won't stop saying that even if you get tired of it."

I caught a photographer in the corner of my eye staring at the back of Senri Shiki. His eyes squinted as though he was figuring out if that really was the famous model or just someone who looked like him from behind.

Oh no! They're staring!

So it's come to this.

I curled my fingers on each side of the hood, his confused eyes stared at me. I tiptoed up to reach him and whispered, "I'm so sorry." As I pulled the hem on the hoodie tightly, I brought him closer to me. I shut my eyes at the contact of my lips on his mouth.

He stood still. Silent for a while. He blinked a few times before relaxing at my touch. He kissed me back, moved closer to me, and enclosed his arms around me.

One of his arms left my waist so his thumb could caress my cheek and chin tenderly. I melted in his touch as I released my grip on the hood and trailed my hands to the sides of his face. My fingers traveled to the nape of his neck where I played with the ends of his messy hair.

His hand held and caressed my face – like the way actors do in romance films. My knees buckled at his touch and, lost in my senses, encouraged him for more. The scent of his cologne enticed me to continue kissing him. I suddenly opened my mouth slightly and nibbled his lower lip that he nervously bit moments ago. I thought I felt a shadow of his smile against the kiss. His soft lips moved and danced with mine like satin. They felt luxurious and smooth, and tempting that I never thought a kiss would feel this good.

I shrunk the space between us as I possibly could by pushing the back of his head to deepen the kiss. He complied and pushed his body so close to mine that my back collided with the wall – our hearts became synchronized. My body became trapped between the wall behind me and Senri Shiki as neither one of us stopped kissing. My heart drummed rapidly as I realized what was happening.

I broke the kiss and opened my eyes to stare at Senri Shiki. My mouth gasped for the air he stole from my lungs.

His eyes fluttered as they opened to gaze into mine. His own breath was ragged and uneven.

We stood there staring at each other, silently. The only sound was our heaving breaths that intermingled with each other.

I scanned his face and noticed the tinge of disappointment and bewilderment in his silver-blue orbs. The white, which I hadn't noticed before, held a warmth I'd never encountered in a set of eyes. I felt and noticed his head lower, his eyes half-lidded as his enticing lips were mere inches from mine. But, he pulled back to stare intensely between my eyes and my lips.

I blinked to break his trance on me and looked around the room to see the fanatic photographers had gone. We were alone, once again.

"I think you're safe." I looked up at him and he continued to blink a few more times, "Sorry, I didn't mean to do that. I panicked and I knew people feel uncomfortable seeing physical intimacy, so I thought it'd deter attention from us."

Suddenly his cheeks were covered in a light pink dust over them. His ears turned red and fiery as his messy hair.

"Hey, are you okay?" His face became beet red and a though send a shiver down my spine at the thought of stealing his first kiss. I quietly asked, "Was that your first-"

"No!' he cut me off, still flustered. "No." He said softly, "I was just surprised you did that." He ran his fingers through his reddish-brown mane as he glanced between my confused visage and the dark hoodie, "It was just…unexpected."

"Sorry, I didn't want to invade your personal space. But I thought getting caught by the paparazzi would be worse for you than, you know…" I trailed off as I was a bit surprised at my own actions.

"Yeah, um, thanks." He walked away briskly and I, half-hurt and half-embarrassed, didn't follow him.

As much as I had felt the strong urge to help him and his hurt feelings, I was still preoccupied with my own damaged self.

I've never kissed anyone and vice versa, so I didn't know if I was a good kisser or not. Maybe that's why he was in a hurry to leave. To not tell me how much of a bad kisser I was.

I walked back to the set where Masaru and Umeki were located, thinking of an excuse to tell them on why I took so long to return. Maybe, I got lost or there was a long line. Or got caught up at the snack table.

A chilly breeze sent a shiver down my spine and I realized I didn't get my hoodie back from Senri Shiki. I realize that I now had to make another excuse for my missing garment.

At that moment, I thought about his apology and his radiant smile that I just wanted to kiss him just once.

The memory flooded back to me and made me physically stop in my tracks. His eyes were half-lidded, read to close, he leaned down to me, and his lips were so close that I thought he would've initiated a kiss. But he stopped himself.

Senri Shiki nearly kissed me, which made my cheeks flushed pink at the thought. I held immense restraint in capturing a second kiss. I was pretty sure, the moment and memory of it were all in my head. How close I wanted him, how enticing is touch and lips were, how he unexpectedly kissed me back.

I told myself, that it was all in my imagination.

But it felt so real and amazing and warm, I hoped it wasn't fake and that he felt what I felt too.


"Did you get lost?" Masaru asked jokingly as we headed back to my car.

I unlocked the car doors, "Yeah, it was like a maze in there. Sorry, I wasn't able to see your magic at work."

He chuckled as he got settled into the seat, "No worries. You've seen it happen at home all the time!"

"Sure," I laugh lightly as I roared the engine alive, "Whatever you say."

His eyes scanned the screen of his phone, "So, Rima?"

"Hmm?" I questioned as I set my car in reverse and looked at my mirrors before continuing.

"What happened to your hoodie?"

A car zoomed past and I frantically slammed the breaks to prevent a collision. The jolt of the vehicle didn't make him take his eyes off his phone screen.

I flatly replied, "I lost it somewhere near the snack table."


I know this may be a short chapter, but I hoped you enjoy it! Roughly 12 pages, I think.

Thank you to all my supportive readers and reviewers! I can't tell you how much I appreciate your support and love! I'm always grateful for your encouragements and your criticisms and I hope you can forgive me for not writing for so long.

I greatly apologize for my super long hiatus, but I couldn't continue this story due to my writer's block and my own personal issues. I didn't have any sparks of inspirations or ideas that I felt were integral to the story and my personal craft, which is why I didn't continue the story for so long.

I initially intended Senri Shiki and Rima's reunion to be more callous and rougher with some angry banter and snarkiness. However, I decided this chapter needed some softness and warmth and I wanted to show the differences of personalities between the two rich boys pining for Rima.

I remember hearing the Heart-Brain when I was meditating (something I've been trying to do to ease my high anxiety) and thought it was so poetic and beautiful that it would be a great addition to this fanfic. Though I don't remember it verbatim, I searched for further information on the internet. The link is here if you wish to read more about it: research/science-of-the-heart/heart-brain-communication/

Though I've been busy with school and work, I intend to update more and complete this fanfic!

Again, I'm very grateful to you all!

I hope you enjoyed this chapter and I'm eager to continue this journey with you all!