Clarke's breath came out ragged through the sound system of the computer, even though he couldn't see what she looked like on the particular day she radioed him this, he could tell that this day was one of her more difficult ones.
He had learned over the course of the day that Clarke seemed to have become prone to panic attacks or some form of anxiety attacks while on earth, and this radio messaged seemed similar to the ones that he had heard before but something in her voice, weather it was the tone she used or weather it was just that through the years he had gotten to know Clarke in a way that surpassed that of most people, but something in her voice made him hold his breath.
"Bellamy….even with Madi here it's lonely. The world has become to quite, to still. I miss you more than you could ever know and the others of course but I never noticed how big of an area you took up in my day to day life, in my day to day thoughts until you weren't here on this planet were even when apart I knew I could easily see you again….easily find you but now that you're not here I find myself reaching out to you in my dreams and when I'm awake I realise that I've got years left before I can finally see you again…"
Clarke's voice trailed of as she seemed to go somewhere deep inside of herself, he could only imagine what was going through her mind as she spoke but her silence filled more of that room than anything she had shared with him in the messages previous, spoke more volumes than her words ever could.
Bellamy sat there waiting for her to speak the silence filling the room more deafening than anything he had ever experienced before. She made it sound like it was only her that was missing him, like he hadn't thought about her every second awake or asleep since he had arrived on the ring but he supposed in a way he would think the same, he had their people by him every step of the way, never alone and never left to wallow in his own dispair.
Even in his relationship with Echo he never forgot her, it took him 3 years before he finally even began to accept her and when he did they still got into arguments about where his mind and heart really were.
###flashback###
"For crying out loud Bellamy can you never just be here!" Echoed had screamed at him one day at dinner, the rest of the table turning silent at her sudden outburst.
"….I..I am here…" His reply came stuttered and confused unsure of what Echo was trying to say, in all honesty he had been in the middle of begging Monty to let Murphy try and do something with the food, anything if it meant it would taste better. Which he felt proved that he was infact here.
"You know that's not what I mean, nearly four years now Bellamy, four years since she died yet everyday we're together I feel like all I am is a replacement for someone you never had the balls to love!" Echoed looked him dead in the eye, not backing down, not cowering just facing him head own like she always did.
Faintly behind him he registered all eyes watching them and Murphy faintly whispering to who he assumes was Emori "ohhp there it is, finally I was wondering when someone would mention the two headed dear in the room"
"Shut up Murphy, nows not the time" Bellamy heard Raven exclaim followed by what sounded like a hard smack to the back of the head.
"Ouch what was that for we were all wondering it, I'm just surprised it was her that brought it up."
"Shut-up Murphy" Bellamy practically roared before turning back to Echo.
" I'm here Echo, I'm with you. I love you but that dose not mean I will not greave for my friend, my best friend and if you have an issue with that it makes me wonder if you and me should be together" Bellamy kept his eyes steady on Echo willing her to understand him. Clarke apart from Octavia had been the most important person in his life and he had lost her, of course there would be times that he would still miss her.
"But you're not here Bellamy, you haven't been since she died, and what's worse is you refuse to accept you're true feelings, you say you love me but you're heart still lies elsewhere. I know you care but it won't work unless you admit and let it go."
##end##
Bellamy had remained silent at Echo's words unable to reply.
Exactly how he did not reply to Octavia's words to him not so long ago
"Begging for the life of a traitor, who you love" Octavia had told him.
To be honest it wasn't like he was avoiding the question more like he still didn't know the answer, however everyone else seemed to claim that they did.
Clarke's voice finally came back to him,
"Since you can't hear this I may aswell just tell you a realisation in came to when you left"
Bellamy heardd large take a deep intake of breath before she continued.
"Bellamy Blake, I love you."
And in that one moment Bellamy's whole world stopped.
