Epic Pun Battle of Fanfiction

Ruby Rose vs Papyrus

Begin!

Papyrus: I, THE GREAT PAPYRUS SHALL BEGIN THIS WITH A BANG. NOT AN EXPLOSION OR A BOMB, NOT EVEN A YANG!

A TINY HUMAN GIRL WHO WAS DOOMED BEFORE SHE WAS EVEN BORN. OVER COMPENSATING WITH HER WEAPON, A ROSE WITHOUT THORNS.

A FUTURE HUNTRESS? PLEASE? I'M A FUTURE ROYAL GUARD. MY SPECIAL ATTACK WILL END YOU HARD.

THIS WILL BE YOUR FINAL SUSPENSION. I WILL DEFEAT YOU WITH MY UNDYNE ATTENTION.

Ruby: Step aside Papyrus, here comes the jewel of the show. Don't diss me, my silver eyes will take you down in one blow.

My scythe can cut through more than logs. I'll take your special attack and feed it to my dog.

Your stupid dream of being a royal guard, is that really what you want? Papyrus you aren't made for battle, check the font.

Let's rewind to my big sis's diss. 'Once upon a timeline, Papyrus lost his head.' All it took was for a little kid to make you dead.

So, don't make fun of my size. Small packages have more fun. And with my sweetheart you'll lose than your head when I'm done.

Papyrus: PRETENDING TO BE A HERO, WELL THAT'S JUST A BUMMER. WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME I SAW A HERO? OH YEAH IT WAS LAST SUMMER.

YOU AIN'T HALF THE HERO YOUR MOM WAS, YOUR BIG SIS, YOU NEED HER. YOU AIN'T NO HUNTRESS, NOT A HERO, NOT A LEADER.

DESPITE YOUR SILVER EYES, YOU DON'T HAVE A DEFENSE AGAINST MY MAGIC. THIS BATTLE WILL BE LIKE PYRRHA'S FATE, JUST PLAIN TRAGIC.

AND THAT'S ONLY JUST ONE FAILURE OF MANY. AFTER ALL THE DESTRUCTION OF YOUR KINGDOM ONLY COST ONE PENNY!

Ruby: You're not the big bad, not even a mid-boss. You're the starter villain, so wet you're growing moss.

You don't know what human looks like, your laugh is noise pollution. With my death scythe, I bring for your puzzles the permanent solution.

I kill monsters for a living, I catch bad guys for fun. And do I need to remind you my weapon's also a gun?

I need to train, I need to shake off this rust. Now run along Papyrus, before I turn you into dust!

Even if you trained with Undyne for a million years you'll never be ready. Now go home, eat your nasty spaghetti.

Who won, who lost?