Chapter Six
Nightmares
Chrollo is a light sleeper, much like everyone in the Troupe, save Phinks. Years of murder, flight, and bounties on their heads has cemented that as a necessity, but it is also an integral part of growing up in Meteor City. One never knew when someone might sneak into your shack with a knife and drink your blood just to have something in their stomach. In fact, it happened to Chrollo's neighbors.
Hence Chrollo is the first to register the frantic moans from Kurapika's bed.
He sits up immediately, his hand flying to the book beside him. Leorio sleeps on the floor to his right, Gon and Killua to his left, forming a barrier between him and Alluka.
"Mom…" Kurapika slurs.
Chrollo hesitates.
"Stop! I – kill me instead," Kurapika whimpers, tossing fitfully.
Killua scrambles to his feet; Chrollo has never been so relieved to see someone else awake.
"Kurapika." Killua knows these dreams. The dreams where the dead haunt you. He approaches his friend slowly. He flicks his fingers towards Chrollo, warning him to stay back.
"Don't – don't – please," Kurapika begs. Tears stream down his cheeks. "Please!"
Kurapika sits straight up, screaming in utter terror. "Don't!"
"Kurapika!" Alluka shrieks. Gon and Leorio jostle Chrollo closer.
Kurapika sees his enemy, the bloodstained murderer looming before him. He lunges off the bed, straight at Chrollo, who leaps back. Killua catches him before he falls.
"Pairo?" Kurapika looks at Killua, but his eyes – his eyes remain unfocused. He grabs at Killua's face. "Your eyes are here."
Chrollo feels bile rising in his throat.
"Wake up!" Gon slaps Kurapika across his face, and finally, finally, recognition dawns on the chain user.
Kurapika's face crumbles. "You're not Pairo."
Killua rocks Kurapika back and forth as his friend dissolves into sobs. "No, no, I'm not. I'm sorry."
"I just want them back. Why – why did I leave – Pairo was defenseless – he could barely walk – why did I betray them? It's all my fault." Kurapika huddles on his bed, sobbing so hard his breath comes in gasps.
"Shhhh." Leorio strokes Kurapika's hair. "It's not your fault. It's not."
"But it is. I left six weeks earlier, in a test, and they saw our scarlet eyes. They threw rocks at us and called us monsters. And we made them lie that we hadn't shown our eyes. I can't help but think – think they saw us then." Kurapika grabs at his face. "And no one knew. No one knew we needed to defend ourselves."
Leorio turns, slowly, to Chrollo, whose pallor is grey.
So Pairo was the pretty crippled boy? And this blonde man, this Kurapika, the chain user…he was the small boy who knocked down all the bigoted men?
Chrollo has often wondered what Indoor Fish feels like, but this might be as close as he'll come.
"That's not true, is it?" Leorio prods.
Chrollo drops his stricken face. Of course he was in the crowd that day. He'd been amused at that ignorant old woman, hurting people who possessed the most mesmerizing eyes he had ever seen. Just because they were different.
"The least you can do is look at him," Gon blurts.
Chrollo forces himself to lift his eyes to Kurapika's. "It – it wasn't your fault."
"But you saw us then, didn't you?" Kurapika hunches his shoulders.
Chrollo stays silent.
"Answer him!" barks Leorio. The air feels like lead sinking around them.
"Yes," Chrollo says, as quickly and clearly as he can bear.
And then, like a coward, he hastens out the door.
"Bastard," Leorio snaps as they're once more closed in darkness.
"Do you want to talk about it?" Alluka tiptoes closer. She places her hand on Kurapika's knee, and he finds himself returning to reality.
"I don't agree with where you're going."
Chrollo stops. He has to laugh. "And what does it matter to you?"
Melody stands in the dim passageway, which is blinding compared to the darkness of Kurapika's cabin. She watches him with sorrow on her face. "You're going to punish yourself by risking Hisoka finding you in your cabin."
"I won't be the one who dies." Chrollo spins to face her, a mirthless smile on his face. "I already killed him once before."
"Oh, I doubt death is your goal. You know that living is the greatest punishment of all." Melody unwraps her arm, and Chrollo briefly wonders if she has another power.
But instead of power he sees doom: a disgustingly withered arm, oozing and charred and almost perfect in its evil.
She covers it immediately. "Life was my punishment. But I chose to turn it into my atonement. Every day I still choose that."
"I feel nothing to atone for," Chrollo says. He knows he has many things to atone for – for the wages of his sins are death, and eventually he will pay that price – yet he's never valued himself enough to feel it, or to care.
But in devaluing yourself, you've also devalued others.
Chrollo's not sure where the thought comes from, but he squirms.
"They say they started with the people who didn't have scarlet eyes. They took the most damage." Kurapika's voice shudders. "My little sister had a genetic defect, so she would have been one of them. They were slaughtered like beasts. Torn apart."
He remembers the brute strength of Uvogin. He imagines him ripping his sister in two and tries to muffle another scream.
"Then," he says, voice rising, moving on to forget the torturous imagery his mind devises, "they tortured the children with red eyes. In front of their parents. Before they cut off their heads while they were still alive. Sometimes I wonder if the parents even struggled when their turn arrived."
Gon's blood is cold, and even Killua is perturbed. Assassins are neat, quick – the game is finding the perfect opportunity, and making it quick. The killing, the pain? Those are not the game. Never.
Leorio sniffles, and Alluka huddles closer to Kurapika. "Is that your dream?"
Kurapika shakes his head as he draws his knees closer to his chest. "Not exactly."
"What do you dream? If it will help," Leorio says.
"I … wasn't there. I just read it in the papers and arrived to see the aftermath. But in my dreams, I am there. Watching. Screaming. But they keep me alive. They – those spiders – chain me and force me to watch. I am there, and yet my presence doesn't make a speck of difference!" Kurapika gasps.
"I can't save any of them. My sister. My mom and dad. My best friend, Pairo. He was – he had bad legs – the reason I left – to find a doctor for him."
Kurapika's voice breaks again, and he reaches for Leorio's hand. "I'm so glad you are a doctor."
"Well, trying to be," Leorio says, and to his relief, Kurapika does laugh, just a little.
He remembers when they first met. Kurapika's initial indignation over Leorio's pursuit of money, and how Kurapika calmed down upon hearing of the death of his best friend. Who was too sick to live and too poor for a doctor.
I guess we were more alike than we thought.
Outside the room, Melody finally releases Chrollo's arm. He strides away as fast as he can.
He doesn't remember any of their faces. He recalls allowing Uvogin and Phinks and the others to have all the fun they wanted, while he declared today the day of their deaths.
He didn't much care for the killing himself. Sadism was never his real thrill; that was others' and he merely allowed it. Taking was his thrill.
He remembers holding one of the first eyes in his hand – the sun had broken through the clouds, and he was overcome by desire. And so Chrollo had stopped Feitan from skinning a child to knife out one eye, and hold it aloft in the glorious sun.
And he'd felt a rush of mysticism or beauty, holding a scarlet eye dripping in blood.
Had he killed the child then? Chrollo can't recall. Probably not. Most likely he let Feitan continue his fun.
Ha. No wonder Kurapika hates him. Chrollo recalls his assault on the mafia upon Uvogin's death. Revenge, it seems is a part of human nature, and something he possesses too.
But he doesn't want revenge right now.
He's not really sure what he does want, he thinks as he locks himself in his room. Perhaps he'll be lucky and Hisoka will emerge, and Chrollo can forget his feelings by taking something else – Hisoka's life.
He flops across his bed. His heart feels undeniably heavy.
"Mr. Mummy?" Kalluto approaches an unwrapped Bonolenov as he suns himself in the light of dawn. Shizuku, his partner for the Hisoka chase that Kalluto's already sick of, sleeps a few feet away.
"Still with the nickname, heh?" Bonolenov chuckles as he stretches. There aren't many people about at this hour, so he's free to display the tribal holes all littering his body without judgment.
"It's my second nen talent," Kalluto says. "Any luck finding the clown?"
"If I had any, you'd know. Don't worry. I'll let you partake in the glory. You're not at all subtle about that, you know." Bonolenov smirks as Kalluto scowls.
"Well, I have a strange request. Don't ask me any more on it."
"Oh?"
"Are any of our members licensed to officiate a wedding certificate?"
Bonolenov blinks. "Well…Shalnark was. And Danchou, naturally. And – hey, Shizuku, wake up!"
Shizuku flies to her feet. "What did I forget this time?"
"Nothing," Kalluto says. "I hear you can officiate wedding certificates."
"I can. What does someone your age want with a wedding certificate?" Shizuku crosses her arms, and Kalluto can tell she already suspects something awfully close to the truth.
Shit. Kalluto savors the swear. He's gonna have to elaborate anyways. "Well, when we kill Hisoka, I'm afraid Illumi will feel sad afterwards. I think he's the closest thing to a friend for Illumi. Not that he won't do it, but I – I was hoping a certificate might make him feel better. More accomplished."
"Oh, is that all?" Shizuku shrugs. Kids are so weird, but surely this kid knows his brother better than the rest of them. "I could see that. Those quiet ones always hold the most emotion."
Kalluto gulps.
"Well, give me a few hours and I can do it. So long as Bonolenov doesn't let me die in the meantime." Shizuku snorts. "And if Illumi hates his present, we'll feed it to Blinky."
"Thank you!" Kalluto looks truly excited, and despite her usual distaste for children, Shizuku finds the tiny assassin rather disarming.
"Kortopi could have copied it forever," Bonolenov says. The three fall quiet, and Kalluto realizes that despite the Troupe's idiosyncrasies, they are a family. A family who lost two siblings, something Kalluto is certain the Zoldycks could never handle.
"A captain is definitely capable of marrying people," says Killua, steering Gon towards wheelhouse.
"But didn't Kurapika theorize the captain could be Hisoka?"
"He said he was the least likely. Besides, think of this mission as two-for-one." Killua rubs his hands together.
"I'm worried about Kurapika. His dreams sound awful," Gon says, "and I don't think Chrollo is helping."
"Oh, you mean Mr. Frilly Coat Who Ran Away?" Killua sneers.
"Yeah." Gon shoves his hands in his pockets. "It's like me with Kite, but worse. What if Kurapika uses all his nen up too? To avenge his family? "
"I hadn't considered that." Killua stops in the middle of the passageway. God-dammit, really? "Don't take offense, but he's a bit…a bit less hotheaded than you."
"Not when it comes to the Spiders," Gon points out.
Killua cringes. "We will stop him."
"Yes, we will. Pinky-promise?" Gon holds out his hand, and Kurapika takes it with a laugh.
They reach the wheelhouse and knock.
"We're cute children wanting to explore," Killua instructs.
A grizzled old-timer with more sunspots than there are stars opens the door. "Eh?"
"Hi!" Gon waves, pasting a sweet smile on his face. "Are you the Captain?"
"Captain Baha, at your service." He bows, surprisingly graceful for such an old man.
"Do you mind if we look around? We want to be sailors when we grow up." Gon grabs Killua and giggles. Killua, meanwhile, just tries to maintain his childlike face. Act like Alluka. Not a killer.
"Certainly, my boys." The captain steps aside to allow them into a fairly sparse room. Empty except for an empty cup of tea on a table, and an ornate wheel.
"How is the journey going?" Gon asks, running his hands along the wheel.
"We should arrive in a week," says the captain.
"Really? That fast?"
"We're powered by nen as well as steam," says the captain with a grin.
"So you can use nen?" Gon blinks.
"I don't see an aura around you," Killua accuses.
"Because it's helping the ship. Never fear, kids. We'll get there, with nary an iceberg in the way." The captain winks.
"Cool." Killua nods. "Why did you become a sailor?"
"I like the freedom, truth be told," says the Captain with a gentle smile. "Can I help you with anything else?"
"Nope, I think we're good." Killua looks at Gon. "Right?"
"Think so. Thank you!" Gon beams at the captain as Killua yanks him out.
Kurapika waves from his position just to the side of the door.
"Did you have enough time to get here?" Killua whispers.
Kurapika nods, holding aloft his judgment chain. He gestures for them to follow him and waits until they're a few minutes from the wheelhouse before talking. "He mostly told the truth, but he lied on his name."
"Huh. So he could be Hisoka." Killua frowns. "But I'm still surprised he wouldn't recognize us. Or at least react."
"Me too, but then, this is Hisoka, and he's full of surprises," Gon jokes.
Killua can't help but snicker. "True."
Kurapika doesn't hear his friend's banter. He's planning using his judgment chain on someone else as soon as he can.
Because of what Melody said she heard during his nightmare last night. Because he thinks she might be losing her touch, or maybe they're all crazy and hypnotized, or maybe Chrollo is the best actor the world has ever seen.
He needs to ask Chrollo if he's sorry again.
