Chapter Eight
Illumi's Wedding and Other Matters
The wheelhouse is quite a sight to behold. Hisoka is sandwiched between a defiant Gon and Killua. His face looks as pale as a phantom dying a second time of exanguination.
Illumi is speechless. His eyes bulge out of their sockets. The troupe's faces range from confused to dumbfounded to infuriated. Chrollo is alone in appearing impressed despite this setback.
"Killua, you didn't." Illumi finally summons his strength to break the silence.
"I had to," Killua says.
"It was partially my idea," Kalluto confesses.
"You're grounded," Machi responds. She knows how insecure Kalluto is. If she can emphasize his importance, he can learn to do better next time. Though she hopes there won't be a next time.
"It's a fucking scrap of paper," Phinks splutters.
"But Illumi loves rules." Killia points at his brother, who is indeed tapping his fingers against his chin.
"Illumi, you're not serious?" Feitan barks.
"I am mildly daunted," Illumi says. "Family cannot be killed."
"Dude, you tried to kill your own sister," Hisoka squeaks.
"Whose side are you on?" Gon yells.
"Mine!" Hisoka's eyes burn. He doesn't look like Hisoka the clown at all. "I can take all of them. I will."
"For what, your pride? That's the stupidest thing I've ever heard, and we're in the room with people who slaughtered an entire tribe for their eyes," Killua finally says.
Gon knows he should talk, but what can he say? Gon feels a connection with the wild man behind him. As if he's seeing himself, battling Pitou, spinning out of time and control.
"I don't want to lose another friend," Gon says at last, his voice small and ever sincere.
Hisoka sniffs. Why does Gon tug at his heartstrings? Ugh. How inconvenient, though he does admire the brat's pluck. Diving into a group of murderers without nen is pretty ballsy. Hell, Hisoka wouldn't do it, which means of course he would, but whatever.
"This is the kind of shit that makes me think Gon and Killua would be great members, Danchou," Nobunaga ventures.
"Not helpful right now," Shizuku says.
Chrollo listens to his troupe, as always, but decides not to address them, not just yet.
He keeps his gaze fixated on his talk with Kurapika haunts him. Perhaps it's his own human curiosity. "It was a fair fight."
"To the death, and I am not dead," Hisoka jeers.
"You were. I won. Kortopi and Shalnark were not me." Chrollo hopes he does not have to outright ask the question he's posing.
Why?
"Are you not all one entity?" Hisoka cackles. "Hey, now, does the spider have feelings? Do you actually mourn?"
Chrollo's lips curl. "You know I mourn."
He'd even mourned Hisoka for his treason, for his deception.
"Kill a little less next time and maybe you'll be finished with your mourning someday." Hisoka guffaws.
"And you never feel pity?" Machi demands.
"Pity is a waste of my time, which, after dying, I do find precious." Hisoka swivels to wink at her.
"Okay, can my brother-in-law not hit on my psuedo-mom?" Kalluto demands.
"Mom?" Hisoka wrinkles his nose. "Kid, you have issues."
"Says the dead guy," Phinks retorts.
"Illumi, kill him," Bonolenov says.
"How did you get a marriage certificate?" Illumi asks instead. "Nen conjuration does not an official certificate make."
"It's real." Killua looks at Shizuku, who groans.
"I drew it up. They said it was to commemorate your engagement after Hisoka was dead." Shizuku crosses her arms. "That was mean, Kalluto."
"Clever," Chrollo has to admit. This is quite inconvenient. When he'd walked into the wheelhouse, when he'd felt the palpable rage of his fellow spiders, he'd felt certain he would scorn Kurapika's offer.
And now he's not sure the best option.
"Oh goodness. I'm really married? But we can't have children." Illumi shakes his head.
"Weren't you just saying I was your legacy anyways?" Killua asks.
Illumi looks like a lost child. "But everything you said…there's…no agreement between us siblings."
"There can be," Killua assures him. "I would like that, too."
"Then why lie?" Illumi looks shattered. He feels as though his own heart has been torn out. Messily and bloodily and definitely not how Illumi taught Killua. "Oh dear, oh dear. You don't love me after all, do you?"
Illumi begins giggling like a madman. Giggles so fast he can't catch his breath, giggles so powerfully he can't even find the willpower to control himself, giggles until he sinks to the floor.
He's never been loved. Not by anyone.
Not even Killua.
"I didn't come here because I hate you," Killua says finally. There's so much more he wants to say – how he's angry and full of pain more than a thousand needles, but he knows he loves Illumi too – but the lump in his throat impedes his words.
"Killua loves you. Kalluto loves you, too. And somehow, Hisoka must love you to propose, right?" Gon persists. Ever the friend. Ever putting Killua's first thoughts into words.
"Or he wants to sleep with you enough," Phinks says. Nobunaga delivers him a sharp glare.
"Why am I feeling things?" Machi grumbles.
"I don't have feelings," Feitan says, advancing towards Hisoka.
"Not even for your dashing pinkette partner?" Hisoka jeers.
"It's words on paper, Illumi. It doesn't matter." Bonolenov tries to stir the visibly distressed assassin.
"It does! You know it does!" Kalluto cries, pointing towards his brother.
"I swore to join the Phantom Troupe, too," Illumi says slowly.
"That's it." Phinks winds his fist up and sends it straight towards Hisoka.
Hisoka dodges, and Gon leaps in the way.
"Gon, don't!" Killua yelps.
Chrollo teleports himself between Phinks and Hisoka. The punch collides with his face, and for a second, he sees the sun and moon surrounded by a trillion stars.
He could have teleported Phinks. But if his Troupe is to see how serious he is – perhaps he should sacrifice something. Like one punch.
"Danchou!" Phinks shrieks.
Chrollo holds up one hand as his other goes to his bleeding nose. "I think…I have another idea."
"Is it me slitting your throat?" Hisoka whispers. "Please say yes."
"You used to be fun," Shizuku says with disgust.
Hisoka hasn't looked scared this entire time, but he does now.
He, who always lived for fun, for the next fight, for the next fuck, until he fell, and now and all he lives for is fury.
Who is he furious at?
Chrollo? Chrollo told him the terms. Chrollo had never sugarcoated his pwer.
Who is he furious at?
"It's a truce," Chrollo says. "Should we all agree." He closes his eyes. "We've lost our best reasoner, you know."
Hisoka eyes him. "A truce sounds boring."
"Does your life sound boring? You get us to this Dark Continent, do not interfere in our affairs, and we cease seeking your head."
Hisoka sneers, summoning a flicker of his old self. "That's not even the prettiest part of me."
"I'm sure Illumi can discover that," Chrollo says.
"What do we get out of this deal?" Nobunaga rages.
"The chain user is aboard, too." Chrollo looks back at their shocked faces. "He offered to spare us if we spare Hisoka."
"Two lives for all of ours doesn't seem fair," says Franklin.
"Illumi is one of us now. I rather think no matter which side he chooses, should our war continue, he will suffer," says Chrollo. "Am I right?"
"Perhaps. Not that that should stop you." Illumi answers as properly as he was taught. Feelings don't matter. An assassin does not need feelings.
Of course he feels fond of Hisoka. But he's charged with killing him.
"Well, it kinda does," says Kalluto.
"And Kalluto. What do you want?" Chrollo asks.
"As sick as I find these two," Kalluto begins gesturing to Hisoka and his brother, "I don't want either to suffer. This was all my idea. Really. All of it."
"Kalluto, really?" Feitan shakes his head.
"I'm sorry. I just…I don't want my brother to self-destruct. I can't not be attached to the Zoldyck House, just like you're attached to Meteor City," Kalluto explains. He's been rehearsing this speech for two sleepless nights. "Please."
"I'm not mad," Feitan grumbles. "I agree."
"So do I," says Machi.
"My heart does," adds Shizuku.
"Is everyone forgetting Shalnark and Kortopi?" Phinks erupts.
"I will never forget them," Chrollo says coldly. Blood continues to dribble down his nos. "But they would want the spider to stay together more than they would want vengeance."
Phinks lowers his head, recalling Pakunoda's death. How fragile the spider felt. How his heart hurt. He never wants to suffer that again. "Okay."
"I'm sure I'll understand someday," says Nobunaga. Bonolenov pats him on the shoulder.
"That's it?" Hisoka asks. "Because I do feel obligated, as your captain, to say I'm the only one aboard who knows where to go."
"I knew it," Machi fumes.
"That's it," Chrollo says. An evil glint appears in his eyes. "Enjoy your wedding night."
"Hi," Hisoka says after the rest of the troupe has left. He hasn't moved from behind the wheel. For all Illumi knows or cares, the ship is sailing into a wreck.
Illumi ignores him. He keeps his attention on using his nen to fix the shattered windows. "Lest more people fall suspiscious."
"I see." Hisoka sighs. Illumi, ever-practical. "Are you mad at me?"
"Why would I be mad?" Illumi doesn't look at him. "It's not like you knew about Killua's treachery."
Hisoka flounders. "I mean…"
Illumi releases a dark aura. Just a flicker. But it's enough. "Did you?"
"I suspected the truth when they asked me to sign." Hisoka points at Illumi. "It sounded like a fun twist. You, though…you dropped your guard for your brother again, didn't you?" He tries to laugh, but his laughter, like everything since his death, comes out sounding pathetic.
"I never learn." Illumi purses his lips. He might as well die. On his wedding night. But that would be melodramatic and shameful, and he can't shame his family.
"You're not at all happy to spend more time with me?" Hisoka sashays closer to Illumi. He reaches for his hands.
Anything to distract from the misery of being alive. And now, thanks to that wretched Gon, he has to stay that way.
Illumi glances up to see Hisoka smirking in his face. His red, red lips are mere millimeters from Illumi's, and once more Illumi feels himself lost in those golden feline eyes.
His heart picks up, and Illumi wishes violently that it would not.
Hisoka slips a kep into his hand. "Now, I turn over the wheel to the first mate in an hour. You may rest in my cabin. I think you'll find it more spacious than yours."
Kurapika slouches against the wall in Chrollo's room. If this asshole doesn't return soon, he's going to pluck out his eyes.
The thought makes him flinch. No, no, he wouldn't; he's not like Chrollo.
And Chrollo is also not like he thought Chrollo would be.
Kurapika's not sure how that makes him feel.
The door opens slowly. Chrollo snickers at the sight of Kurapika, the Chain User, now captive in his room. "You're free now."
Kurapika stumbles to his feet.
There's a large bruise on Chrollo's cheek, and his pretty nose is bent sideways. Rivulets of blood run down his chin. "Uh –"
"We took your deal," Chrollo says nonchalantly.
"You did?" Kurapika gasps. "Killua and Gon's plan worked?"
"It was most amusing." Chrollo bends over, pressing the sides of his nose to control the bleeding. "I'm unsure the world is prepared for a married Hisoka or a married Illumi."
Kurapika stops on his way out the door. "Was that a joke?"
"Ah, the nearest I could manage." Chrollo lowers himself on the bed. It's time to set his nose, the way he did when Mama was alive so she wouldn't worry.
"You shouldn't lie back. You can choke on the blood." Kurapika says reluctantly.
"Thought you'd be more excited."
"That'd be an unfitting end. I think we can both agree." Kurapika grimaces. "Are you really setting your own nose?"
"I did once before, twenty years ago."
"How old are you?"
"Twenty-six," Chrollo says, as flecks of blood appear on his lips. "I'd say only two broken noses in that amount of time, especially when one hails from Meteor City, is quite the achievement."
Kurapika's brain can't help but try the math. Chrollo would have been twenty-one when he massacred his tribe. Barely two decades. Three years older than him now.
He tries to think. What is the least like Chrollo action to take?
"Here. I'll set it." Kurapika doesn't wait for approval. He grabs the bone and shifts it right.
Chrollo twitches. "Did you enjoy that?"
"A little," Kurapika lies.
"You're lying." Chrollo grins.
"Yes." Kurapika snorts at the irony. "Why did you take the deal, anyway?"
"Would you like honesty?"
"You know I would." Kurapika sits on the floor, across from Chrollo.
"Because I felt like I owed Gon and Killua. They could have escaped at any point from Pakunoda. I would have been killed. They didn't, because they cared about the effect murdering me would have on you. And she was grateful." Chrollo winces. "I suppose, to honor her, I sided with Gon and Killua. I decided to stop my friends from killing, just this once."
He shrugs. Is he more introspective now? These last few days?
Either way, he feels like he's landed on the border of life and death, hope and despair. Just where he likes to be.
"I'm glad." Kurapika feels that a very small part of him wishes he had known Pakunoda. And another, louder part condemns him, because she slaughtered his clan, and he will never betray his clan.
They'd accept his deal, right?
"Are you okay?" Chrollo asks bluntly.
Kurapika is appalled. "Of course I am."
Chrollo narrows his eyes. "No one is."
Kurapika holds up his middle finger. It's a rude gesture he once thought beneath him, but time in the real world has taught him otherwise. It's a gesture he might have made to Leorio during the hunter exam, so he's not sure why he holds it up to Chrollo, but it seems appropriate.
Chrollo smiles, watching Kurapika leave.
As much as he'd like Kurapika to recognize their similarities – as much as he'd like Kurapika's sanctimony to burn – he must begrudgingly respect this young man. He's too serious, with his clan clothing and vows and willingness to sacrifice, but a piece of Chrollo must admire him.
Perhaps, when he steals Tserriednich's treasure, he'll donate the Scarlet Eyes to a certain bodyguard.
"Ah, time for a good rest." Hisoka stretches the second he walks in his door. Illumi lounges on his bed, examining his pins as if they're the most fascinating machine in the world.
The truth is that he's imagining stabbing himself.
"You can't even be happy, can you?" Hisoka pouts.
"Not without Killua," Illumi says.
"Really, because after the Hunter Exam, when you thought you had Killua again, you didn't seem much happier." Hisoka smiles, a thin, waif of a smile. Unlike how he used to smile.
Illumi wants to ask what happened, why Hisoka has let one defeat kill his spirit if not his body, even feels the tremors of questions about an afterlife. But like a proper Zoldyck, he buries his curiosity behind what he sees before him.
"Shall we?" Illumi asks.
Hisoka turns green. This is – is Illumi – well, this is not how expected this to happen. "Illumi?"
"If we're married, aren't we supposed to copulate?" Illumi asks. The only indication he feels anything is the fact that he can't look Hisoka in his eyes.
"What the…" Hisoka has never not wanted to fuck, and he's dreamt of Illumi since meeting him, but this is something he's never heard.
"Have you ever had sex before?" Hisoka hears himself demand.
"Of course I have. Mother and Father insisted I let one of my victims do it when I was sixteen, to see it was nothing to fear." Illumi scoots to the edge of the bed.
Hisoka holds up his hand. "Okay, first of all, Mother and Father should never be in the same sentence as you having sex."
"Why not? It's what happened," Illumi says. "It made me stronger."
Hisoka speaks slowly, as if to a child. "Did you want to have sex?"
"It was a job, not fun." Illumi shrugs.
Hisoka glances aside. This makes him very, very uncomfortable. In fact, Illumi's description is dangerously close to the one sin not even he will touch. "Do you want to have sex with me?"
"We're married; aren't we supposed to?" Illumi replies.
Hisoka buries his head in his hands. "I can't believe this."
"Believe what?"
"I'm not going to have sex with you if you don't want it."
"Oh." Illumi pauses. "I do."
"Do you? Are you sure?" Hisoka slips to Illumi's side, pulling his friend – his only friend, his royally screwed up friend that makes him thankful for his own fucked-u childhood – closer to him. His breath tickles the back of Illumi's neck. "Are you really sure?"
"Yes." Illumi looks straight ahead.
Hisoka runs his fingers across Illumi's slender thighs. He nibbles Illumi's ear. Illumi turns his head to kiss Hisoka, and to his surprise, Illumi, while rough and using more teeth more than a first kiss should require, is passionate.
Hisoka's heart picks up with delight. He loves teasing, yes he does. For a moment, he feels like himself again. With a groan, he shimmies onto Illumi's lap and tugs on his husband's glossy locks.
Illumi pulls HIsoka down atop him, and Hisoka knows it's now or never.
He leaps back, off Illumi. "Nah."
"What?" Illumi sputters.
"I'm not having sex with you until I'm certain you want it. I want my husband as feisty as me." Hisoka cackles.
"But – but we're supposed to!" Illumi begs.
"Yeah, fuck 'supposed to.'" Hisoka flutters his eyelashes at a desperate Illumi. For a moment, he reconsiders. But no. Illumi liked kissing him, and Illumi will like sex with him – he's never disappointed any lover – but he does not want to give into any Zoldyck ordinance. "I'm done giving into family duty. We'll save our hanky-panky for when I'm absolutely certain my little Illumi wants to."
