Chapter Eleven
Is This Regret?
"What – I just – how – he's here – why – what the hell is happening?" Machi sputters. "I did not help find you a nen exorcist for this!"
"Have I been bad?" Chrollo can't resist asking.
Kurapika finally recognizes the position he's in. "Wait! Fuck off!"
Right? Because he definitely didn't notice before. He was just…enjoying time with Chrollo. Almost.
"Fucking off now." Chrollo sits up, allowing Kurapika to draw back.
Kurapika feels like fleeing down the hallway and screaming. Because he feels something, something physical, and he's horrified by his body's reaction. Thank heavens, if there is one, and he needs there to be one, for loose tribal attire.
"Why is he here?" Machi points at Kurapika.
"This prince hunted the queen for her baby and this one for his eyes," Chrollo says calmly. "I merely assisted, after Illumi and Kalluto's sister found me and pled for help."
"But the chain bastard? You knew he was here?" Machi is ready to wrap her nen stitches around the blonde's neck, drain his life away until he dies.
"Yes." Chrollo keeps his voice even. "We've made an agreement not to hunt each other."
"And you trust him?" Machi's instincts tell her the same, though her head is thoroughly confused.
"He approached me, actually. He'd end his vengeance for Hisoka's life to be spared."
Machi steps closer, eying Kurapika. "And why would you offer this?"
Kurapika's voice is thin. "For my friends. What else is there?"
"I understand," Machi says, and Kurapika's heart sinks again, because once more he is empathizing with the murderers of his clan.
He can't just call them murderers, he realizes. Somewhere along his conversations with Chrollo, he's identified as one, and he's unsure if that's good or bad. Or perhaps it just is.
"I should be going." Chrollo stands, and Kurapika is too conflicted to protest.
"Do you know why Illumi is sulking? Is sex with Hisoka that bad?" Machi hisses as they leave.
Kurapika throws himself down on his bed, inhaling the spot where Chrollo had been. He smells like expensive, stolen cologne, and Kurapika tries to convince himself he just likes the scent.
"Aren't you proud of Alluka, Illumi?" Killua asks sweetly.
Illumi stares wordlessly at his brother. Dig the knife in a little slower, why don't you?
Killua's eyes narrow as his brother refuses to answer. Of all the times.
"Illumi, I want to be your friend, too." Alluka's chin quivers.
And still, Illumi can only stare.
"Why do you hate her?" Killua asks the question Illumi hoped she wouldn't.
"You know I don't."
"You didn't. You just wanted to keep the family safe, but now you do. I can see it in your eyes." Killua points up at his brother.
"Illumi hates me?" Alluka looks stricken. Killua glares at him, and Oito watches in dismay.
Illumi feels truly alone.
"Illumi hates you because he has a conscience, doesn't he?" Gon says from behind Illumi.
"You – shut up – you started all of this, Gon." Illumi clenches his hands into fists.
"Really, because I stabbed Mom and ran off without even knowing Gon, and Nanika was already living among us," Killua says dryly.
"Illumi hates Alluka because Alluka reminds him how he failed. Alluka reminded him that he's weak. Just like I hated Pitou for reminding me how I failed Kite." Gon takes a deep breath.
Illumi's mouth twists. Is this – is this interloping demon defending him?
"He's not a monster. He's just sad and alone," Gon says, as tears spring to his eyes.
"I'm neither." Illumi has a family. He's never alone. And emotions aren't necessary.
So why do Gon's words flummox him?
"You're both, and I don't need nen to tell that," Oito says, and how can Illumi interrupt a queen? "Illumi, would you like to hold Woble?"
Killua is perplexed. "Why –"
"Shh. Babies have a magic you haven't learned yet, young one." Oito slides Woble into Illumi's arms.
The assassin's face lights up.
Killua was once this small. Illumi remembers holding him, blissful that he had a brother who wasn't Milluki. Teaching Killua how to read, and feeling pride every time Mother and Father praised Killua's development. Because by proxy, they were praising him, too.
"Maybe someday you and Hisoka will have one," Gon says.
Killua winces. He and Gon need to talk one of these days.
"The Captain?" Oito frowns.
"You can adopt," Killua encourages. "And have your own kids."
"I don't need my own." Illumi looks tragic. "I have you."
"You can bring all of your kids on Milluki's vacation," Killua tries.
"Hmm?"
"Milluki likes me. He wants to take us all on a vacation." Alluka smiles hopefully. Love me, Illumi. Please?
"Vacation?" Illumi can't help the feeling of hope, of sunlight, of laughter, that haunts him with that word. He's never had one, never thought he needed one – but he does need time with his family. "Oh, but that would mean not working."
"It will be fun," Gon says. "You need fun."
"Assassins don't…" Illumi looks thoughtful. "But still, I am not opposed to this idea."
Gon and Killua exchange grins. Perhaps, even Illumi can learn.
"Hey, friend." Kurapika waves towards Leorio, who sits up groggily.
"What happened?" God, Leorio has the mother of all headaches. And he remembers nothing.
He squints to refocus his vision. He's in a room with small, rough cots and what appears to be rudimentary medical equipment. The ship's infirmary.
Melody lies in the bed beside him.
"Prince Tserriednich attacked," Kurapika explains. He sits between his two friends, guarding them with care. "And I didn't have enough aura to heal both of you and the queen, so you and Melody are here in the infirmary."
"Don't worry about it." Leorio shakes his head. "You weren't hurt?"
Kurapika shrugs. "Nothing I couldn't handle."
"That's Kurapika talk for 'I was hurt badly,'" Melody announces, though her eyes are still closed.
"Well, I'm fine now," Kurapika insists.
Leorio side-eyes his friend, but decides to let his questions slide. "And where is our friend Tserreidnich now?"
"The brig. Alive, if that's what you're asking." Kurapika lowers his head.
"I expected no less from you, Kurapika," Leorio says, and Kurapika shivers, because he doesn't deserve such confidence.
The door opens, and Kurapika's lips part as Chrollo Lucilfer enters, instead of the doctor he expected.
"Hey, what's he doing here?" Leorio croaks.
Chrollo waits, looking at Kurapika.
Kurapika blows out his breath. "To be honest, the prince was…a difficult opponent. Chrollo saved all of us. Alluka found him…before the prince..."
He doesn't want to admit it. That the prince saw him only as eyes, just like everyone else ever has, and made him his plaything. Made him weak. Reminded him that he will never not be Other.
"You're sure you're okay?" Leorio asks, peering closer.
"Alluka saved all of you, really." Chrollo smiles softly as he interrupts Leorio's prying gaze. "I just wanted to see how you are doing."
"Ha! This is a change of pace. I like everyone getting along, don't you?" Leorio settles back down.
Melody gestures Chrollo over. He approaches tentatively, recalling how easily she read him. Like a second Pakunoda, but kinder and gentler, and he knows Paku would agree.
She beckons him to lean towards her, and, despite casting Kurapika a strange look, Chrollo obeys.
"Your heart says we weren't the ones you wanted to see."
Chrollo stands up straight. His mouth flattens into a thin line. Dammit. Of course, of course she can hear how his heart skipped when he saw Kurapika.
Still. He will ignore her.
"Huh? What's with that look?" Leorio demands.
"Did he threaten you?" Kurapika exclaims. Even though he knows Melody said something, not Chrollo, he has to demean Chrollo. Because he is still angry that Machi caught them in a compromising position. A compromising position his mind hadn't even recognized before his disgusting body had reacted.
"Telepathy is not an ability I've stolen yet," Chrollo replies, and Leorio laughs nervously.
"I said that his heart says he's happy to see you, Kurapika," Melody says pointedly.
Chrollo's cheeks flush.
Kurapika grimaces. "No, he's – I mean – we – he's probably just glad I'm not off slitting Machi's throat."
"I trust you more than that." Chrollo rolls his eyes.
"It's not mutual," Kurapika gripes.
"This is how our friendship started, too. The bickering." Leorio nods in affirmation. "You're cool, Spider."
"We were a good team, admit it, Kura." Chrollo extends a hand to Kurapika.
Kura isn't as terrible a nickname as he thought. Kurapika makes a face, but he shakes Chrollo's hand. "Yes, I suppose we were."
"How pleasant, the two of your heartbeats when you're holding hands," Melody observes.
"What?!" Kurapika leaps to his feet and palms Chrollo straight in the heart.
"Do I need my flute?" Melody sings.
"That was hardly fair, Kura." Chrollo's eyes twinkle, but he's unsettled, too. Both of theirs? So Kurapika…
Kurapika does…
"If you think about it," Chrollo adds, because he can't resist crossing lines and, in fact, has never been able to resist, "my fee – friendship, I mean, is a perfect way to torture me as vengeance."
"That'd be a good idea, except it came from you." Kurapika snorts. "Besides, wasn't all vengeance off-limits? Even the nonviolent kind?"
Chrollo taps his chin. "Hmm, I don't believe you specified."
"So it's my fault?!" Kurapika balls his hands into fists, but he's laughing.
"Like I said," Leorio narrates, "the bickering is the start of a lifelong relationship."
It's party time. Chrollo sends a cake emoji to his fellow Spiders.
Don't go too wild – Your Captain, responds Illumi's number.
Hisoka you are NOT allowed on our group chat, Machi writes immediately.
Do you want me to kill you? Phinks puts in.
You can't. ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)
Give Illumi back his phone, Chrollo commands.
Not a chance, but I'll pass the message along. (-■_■)
Chrollo shakes his head as he cracks open the stairwell door. The guards are still there, though they're no longer working for the Prince.
Son they will work for Daddy Dearest, the Kakin king, and in the chaos he's is about to lose much of his treasure.
And frankly, he deserves it. Chrollo doesn't spend much time debating useless qualities like 'deserve,' but surely if anyone deserves to lose a fortune, it is a king who forces his children to fight to the death.
But the King will surely suspect Tserriednich of hiding his treasure, rather than thieves. And while Chrollo is no sadist, he does not pity Tserriednich.
This all hinges on Illumi's manipulation. Killing guards would just be suspicious right now.
Soft voices approach. Nobu, Feitan, Bono and Phinks.
"Maybe you can find a ring," Nobunaga whispers to Feitan, who responds by shoving him into Phinks.
"What's this about?" Chrollo asks, baffled.
"Feitan has a girlfriend," Phinks announces, a bit too loudly.
"Shhh." Franklin appears behind them.
"You shut up." Feitan looks like he swallowed a lemon.
"And he came to us all nervous like a true Romeo, asking for advice." Bonolenov clutches his heart.
Chrollo chuckles. "I see. Good for you, Feitan."
"Do you want to die?" Feitan's face is now the color of Machi's hair.
"Infighting isn't allowed," Chrollo says sweetly.
Feitan snorts. "Don't mention to the girls, okay?"
"Why? You think they're gonna be jealous?" Phinks grins.
Chrollo groans as loud as he dares. Well, good for Feitan. At least one person in his troupe can achieve romance.
"Hey there." Machi sauntrs down the stairs with Illumi. They swing Kalluto between their arms.
"If it isn't our little traitor." Phinks crosses his arms.
"I'm sorry." Kalluto turns red.
"You're not," Shizuku says as she hurries up the stairwell.
"I am sorry to have betrayed you." Kalluto looks anguished again, and Machi pats his shoulder.
"You're forgiven," Chrollo says warmly. Of all the decisions the spiders made while Kurapika sealed his nen, accepting Kalluto into the group is the one Chrollo favors most. "I do trust and rely on you, Kalluto."
The child, who's been drowning in ennui since Illumi's induction to the troupe, or perhaps since he couldn't partake in Alluka's rescue, finally looks happy to be alive again.
"We all do," Phinks grumbles. "Brat."
"Illumi, your turn." Chrollo sweeps open the door.
Illumi's hypnotic pins fly out, striking all three guards directly between their eyes. "They won't remember a thing."
"Good." Chrollo watches as Illumi snaps his fingers. The guards turn slowly, jerkily, and punch in the passcode.
"We have two hours until their shift change, from what I noticed," Franklin says.
"Excellent." Nobunaga saunters towards the now-open vault. "Don't share any of this with your husband, Illumi."
"I like Illumi better anyway," Shizuku says.
Illumi is not accustomed to people liking him. For a moment, he doesn't know what to say.
"Weird not to be killing anyone," Phinks grumbles.
"We're on a ship with nowhere to run," Chrollo says. And that's true, right?
They could make it look like an accident. Certainly. A byproduct of the succession contest. Then they could kill.
But Kurapika would know, and Chrollo isn't eager to break their fragile treaty. For the Spiders' sake. Definitely. Not his own.
Nobunaga grabs a fistful of gold coins and tosses them in the air. He spins in the golden rain just like Uvogin used to.
Chrollo smiles softly.
Ahead, there are the furs of endangered animals, and even the horn of a unicorn.
"I've never seen one before." Shizuku touches it as if it is holy.
"It's beautiful," Chrollo agrees.
There's a collection of ancient books he's going to have to steal and keep for a while, just to admire. But beyond them, he sees whathe's really looking for: a pair of scarlet eyes.
Chrollo steps closer.
"Oh good, more of those," Phinks says with derision.
Machi shakes her head, but for now she stays quiet about Chrollo's secret.
"Interesting. There's a defect in these." Chrollo doesn't remember a pair with a brown fleck in the right corner, but he probably just didn't care then. He was too enraptured with the otherworldly grace that was their scarlet.
"You taking them, boss?" asks Franklin, eagerly examining the engraved gun collection.
"Yes," Chrollo says, and he feels the heat of Machi's glare on his back.
"I wish Uvogin and Pakunoda hadn't died for those," Nobunaga says, somber.
"Me too." Chrollo wonders if he would have spared the Kurtas had he known where this would lead. And yet, if he had spared them, he wouldn't get to partake in his delectable verbal sparring matches with Kurapika. "I imagine they're laughing at us right now."
Chrollo has never thought much about redoing his life. There's no point. Regret is wasted energy. But as he looks at the eyes dangling in their crystal glass, the eyes that bind his attention despite the volumes of rich books behind him, he wonders and wonders.
"Uvogin is probably still trying to persuade some Deity to kill Hisoka," Phinks remarks.
"Ha! I'm surprised Hisoka hasn't been it with lightning yet given his own blashpemies," Illumi says. "Much less the wrath of a deity."
The Spiders laugh, and Illumi is shaken. No one ever laughs at anything he says, like they enjoy his presence. Is he straying from his identity again?
"Everything is so pretty!" Kalluto collapses in a pile of rainbowed jewels. "I love treasure."
"Assassins shouldn't care about treasure," Illumi says, though he's admiring a misshapen human brain. What must hthis person have been like? A formidable opponent, or a pathetic burden? "Just the job."
"Well, I care about both." Kalluto sniffs.
"Here." Feitan hands Kalluto a necklace with a round, light blue gemstone the size of a heart. "You like sparkly things."
Kalluto beams as he slips it into his bag. "I love it." He glances at Illumi before continuing. "It's the color of Alluka's eyes. I'm going to give it to her as a present."
"Nice of you," Feitan says with approval. Machi nods behind him.
Illumi looks downcast. Perhaps, Chrollo thinks, there are things he'd redo in his life if given the opportunity, too.
***Kurapika's thanks for tribal attire resulted from a conversation with Hamliet, so kudos to her.
