Chapter Fourteen
Recompense
"May I come in?" Kurapika adds.
Chrollo has half a mind to shut the door in his face, but he steps aside all the same. Let Kurapika come in. Not many invite themselves into the cabin of the one they claim to hate, after all. This might be interesting.
"I hate you," Kurapika says again, kicking the door closed. "And I want to."
Chrollo watches, solemn. "Is that why you're here? I know you hate me."
"No, you don't." Kurapika squeezes his eyes shut. Do it. He hears Leorio and Killua and Gon encouraging him. In fact, they're waiting outside, prepared to drag him back should he coward out of this conversation. "I hate you because I don't entirely hate you even though I want to."
"I'm sure I'll find sense in that somewhere," Chrollo replies, though his heart flickers again.
"Please don't try." Kurapika flicks aside a strand of golden hair. "I said something terrible to you. To hurt you, because I was just angry at myself. For forgetting my rage. Rage is my purpose in life, just like yours was to find yourself." He laughs desolately. "And all I did was hurt you."
"You speak with regret." Chrollo watches him closely.
"I do regret it. I was cruel with my words."
"As I said before. They weren't wrong." Chrollo sits on his bed, hands folded on his lap.
Kurapika scrunches up his face. "Actually, I really don't mind the nickname Kura."
"Ah, your lie emerges at last." Chrollo can't help but roll his eyes.
"I'm trying to apologize!" Kurapika sits on the floor, across from Chrollo. "I … I … I want to ask your forgiveness for this morning."
Chrollo is dumbfounded. Kurapika? Forgiveness? After everything Chrollo stole from him? He should be the one asking forgiveness, but he doesn't want to, maybe because he doesn't feel worthy of forgiveness.
"I … I was emotional. And frightened. And overwhelmed." Kurapika doesn't meet Chrollo's eyes. "But that's no excuse."
"Why?" Chrollo asks. His voice is gentle. He already knows, and he wants Kurapika to say it. Because he killed them. Because loving him would be treason to his family.
"Because I didn't even – I mean – there's so much wrong," Kurapika says with a broken laugh. "Even the little things."
"Is anything ever right?" Chrollo asks.
Kurapika shrugs.
"Did you feel right when you were with me?" Chrollo swallows. "Is that what made you angry?"
It's all the arrogance he hopes.
Kurapika nods.
"I felt it, too." Chrollo knows Paku would understand, but Uvogin? Maybe. But Nobunaga and Phinks definitely won't. "Your guilt will devour you if you serve it long enough."
"You could listen to guilt a bit more." There's no hostility in Kurapika's tone. Just fact.
"Probably. And you, less. I wonder, could we learn from each other?" Chrollo taps his forehead.
"That's why we're still talking, is it not?"
"Well, I also find you attractive and your personality fascinating." Chrollo shrugs.
Kurapika grimaces. He can't meet Chrollo's eyes again as his cheeks flame. "I feel the same. Ugh."
"So shy?" Chrollo can't resist.
"Truthfully … another reason I was overwhelmed?" Kurapika shivers. "I … last night … you were my first kiss."
Chrollo's eyes widen, just slightly. "Was I?" He would not have guessed, although it befits Kurapika's personality.
"I assume you've been kissed by many."
"On occasion." Chrollo shrugs. They haven't meant nearly as much. "More than kissing, usually."
Kurapika's face is now as scarlet as his eyes.
"I will assume you were a virgin, then?" Chrollo asks matter-of-factly. He probably would not have moved so quickly if he'd known.
Kurapika gasps and clamps his hands over his flaming cheeks. "Yes, yes – I – I, uh – I was – I am a virgin – so what?!"
"Until last night." Chrollo winks. He can't help himself.
Chrollo tilts his head. A mischevious grin manifests on his mouth. Enough of this forgiveness talk – he wants to run far, far away from it. "May I be your second kiss, too?"
"It's more than that by now," Kurapika mutters, dragging Chrollo's mouth down to his.
"This is why I didn't want him to have friends!" Illumi tugs his hair as he stands in the hall. Kil – Killua – is not in his cabin. No doubt they're off experimenting!
"That is why?" Hisoka bends over, panting. He had no idea Illumi could run this fast. In a race, he might actually lose to his husband. "Oh, and it had nothing to do with your crazy jealousy?"
"What? I am Killua's big brother. How can I be jealous?" Illumi looks as genuinely confused as Hisoka feels.
Three figures turn the corner towards their cabin. They promptly freeze.
"Killua!" Illumi runs straight at his brother. "We have to talk!"
"Is something wrong?" Killua has rarely seen Illumi this frazzled. And by rarely, he means never.
"Very." Illumi drags Killua by his wrist into their room. Gon and Leorio follow, hearts pounding. Although Gon does have to wonder at Hisoka frantically – and very obviously – pressing 'record' on his phone.
"Killua." Illumi emphasizes his full name, just so his brother knows he respects his wishes to be called by his name. "You are, um, shall we say, at the age where things start to happen."
Killua looks as if he has just been struck by his own lightning. "Oh my – Gon, help."
"What?" Gon demands.
"Things? You started with things?" Hisoka splutters.
Leorio bites his tongue.
Illumi holds up his finger. "I'm going to tell you about sex now. Which you are totally allowed to do –"
"Hold on!" Killua breaks in. Holy shitttttttt. "Okay, first, you're only saying I can so I won't. Second, I'm twelve. Third! I'd rather stand outside Chrollo's door than listen to you."
Illumi pays no heed. He is going to be the good brother. For once. But, uh, how does he explain this? "No, but when people get weird feelings in their pelvises they try to rub each others and stick things in –"
Killua plants his hands over his ears and screams.
Leorio looks amazed at this display, and Gon looks terribly lost.
"Hmm, this is harder than I thought," Illumi muses.
"I can't." Hisoka ends his recording. "God, you're even self-destructive whn you're trying to be constructive, Illumi."
"How do I say this?" Illumi ignores Hisoka's barb. Because it's true and he does not have time for truth.
"I'm a doctor-in-training; let me handle this," Leorio begs.
"How boring, scientist." Hisoka flutters his eyelashes. "No, this is my job. Illumi, listen."
"Killua, listen," Illumi repeats.
Killua rolls his eyes. "Gon, listen."
"To what?" Gon stomps his foot. "I don't know what you guys are talking about!"
"Oh," Hisoka says with a grin, praactially shivering in anticipation, "you're about to."
An hour later, the entire room is silent and filled with traumatized air. Hisoka removes the sculptures he's created with his aura. "Any questions?"
Illumi raises his hand. "Killua, think of it like shoving a knife – "
Hisoka clamps his hand over Illumi's lips. "That'll do, husband."
"Wait, so that's what Chrollo and Kurapika did?" Gon is astounded. "Why?" It sounds gross."
"It is," Illumi agrees.
"It's beautiful and fun," Hisoka replies.
"Well, I wouldn't know, would I, Hisoka?" Illumi smiles coquettishly at his husband.
"Lame attempt, Illumi."
"Okay, this is too much!" Killua shrieks.
"Leorio, is any of this true?" Gon stares at his doctor friend. His eyes beg for relief. "Is this what Kurapika is doing right now?"
Leorio pales. "You know…on second thought, send all your questions to Hisoka."
"We can ask Kurapika later," Killua spurts. "And not the dysfunctional duo."
In the silence filled with each of their ragged breaths, Chrollo runs his hands down Kurapika's sides. He loves being naked with this man.
"I want to ask something," Kurapika says, sitting up.
Chrollo's heart pounds instinctually. "Yes?"
"We're always talking about just one instance in the past." Kurapika leans forward. "But I want to know more. What were you like as a child?"
Chrollo laughs with relief. He sits besides Kurapika, pressing his thighs against his lover. And the man he's with whom he's smitten, if not in love. "Bookish."
"Was there ever a doubt," Kurapika says dryly.
Chrollo laughs, and it's merry this time. "I would run around causing mischief – stealing food for people, especially my mother."
"Your mother?" Kurapika asks softly.
"Mmm. She was a good woman. Harsh, mean, loving. She taught me to read because she hoped I could escape our rude little lives." Chrollo looks aside. "She died when I was eight. Murdered. And probably worse."
He swallows. "After that some of the older gangs took me in. Pakunoda was one of them. We had a lot of fun, and eventually kidnapped some tourists until they taught us nen."
"Chrollo – I'm sorry," Kurapika says, placing his hand on Chrollo's shoulder. At the same time he was being born, Chrollo had lost his mother.
Chrollo flops back onto the bed. "Ah, how can I forget Phantom? He was the guardian Pakunoda and I made up from the stories we read. A spider with thirteen legs. We managed to convince Machi he was real for a while."
Kurapika can't help but chuckle.
"I never wanted to lead the Troupe, you know? They all elected me because becoming like Phantom was my idea." Chrollo closes his eyes. "I love them all. Even the new ones."
His eyes pop open. "Nobunaga used to be scared of spiders, you know? He wanted to change our name for the longest time. For his test of courage to join, we made him lower himself into a spider nest."
Kurapika shakes his head at the image. "You must have been rambunctious children."
"We were our own lords and ladies. Bound by no rules except the ones we wanted. I loved it. I still do," Chrollo says, watching Kurapika carefully. "But…"
"I know." Kurapika squeezes his hand. "Truthfully, I was quite a rambunctious child myself."
"You don't say," Chrollo says sarcastically.
"My friend Pairo and I once found a book about the outside world and read it every night. Until the damn elder stole it. I think he enjoyed it too, though." Kurapika grins.
"So we were both bookworms greedy for knowledge, hmm?" Chrollo kisses Kurapika's cheek. "I always did say the best thieves stole knowledge."
"You're quoting a book. I read it as a child," Kurapika counters. "I remember that line!"
"Guilty." Chrollo smirks.
He stills. Kurapika's eyes are turning crimson. "What – what's pissing you off now?"
Kurapika looks confused. "Nothing."
"Are you afraid?" Chrollo's heart picks up. Because he is. In the most wonderful way, and because Kura's eyes are red.
"No."
"Your eyes are scarlet." Chrollo bites his lip. "Have I said something?" Please, please don't lie to me. He wants to beg, but Chrollo is not accustomed to begging. Not since before age eight.
Has he moved too fast again? What did he do to hurt him this time? Or is the past still infecting the present, and will it ever cease?
"Oh." Kurapika realizes the problem, and he has to chuckle.
He leans forward to grip Chrollo's knees, looking directly into his eyes, as his face transforms to the same hue as his eyes. "Because…I'm happy. They turn red with all strong emotion. Not a particular kind."
Chrollo catches his breath. It may be Kurapika's beautiful eyes. It may be that Kura is happy with him. And it may be that Chrollo is happy with Kurapika.
He reaches out a hand to brush Kurapika's eyelids, to examine the most wondrous Scarlet Eyes he has ever seen. And Kura just sits there, letting Chrollo drink in the sight, minute after minute, until he sees a tear run down Chrollo's cheek.
"Are you crying?"
"No."
"Idiot," Kurapika snaps, bending forward to kiss the tears off his cheeks.
Kurapika has never needed an alarm clock. Years of discipline awaken him at 6:30 am every day, regardless of previous events. The sole exception is his fever after battling the Troupe in Yorknew, a moment he hopes to never relive.
Kurapika slips out of Chrollo's bed. "I'm on guard duty this morning."
"Wouldn't want to be late," Chrollo says sleepily. His hand doesn't let go of Kurapika's.
"Chrollo." Kurapika makes a face.
"Stay safe." Chrollo untangles his fingers from Kura, who, after dressing, finally picks up his friend's eyes on his way out.
Kurapika closes the door and immediately crashes to the ground. He barely manages to salvage the eyes.
"I knew it," he hears a female growl.
He looks up to see nen stitches barricading the room and Machi glaring down at him.
"Listen here, fool." The feisty woman lifts Kurapika off the ground. He's surprised to see the tiny one – Feitan – behind her, holding out a sword.
"What?" Kurapika's face grows hot and red.
"I'm all for you comforting Danchou or whatever it is you're engaging in, but if you're playing a game – if you are trying to hurt him underneath all your talks of truces and underneath your seduction – I will kill you, Kurta. Got it?" Machi's nostrils flare. "Don't underestimate me."
Ugh, so the candy girl is human too. A caring human. Kurapika doesn't understand morality anymore. And maybe he doesn't want to. Maybe he just wants to forget morality exists and float along forever, just like Chrollo.
The door creaks open. Chrollo peeks his head out, unable to resist a joke. "Just checking: the scratches don't count as hurt, right?"
"That's it; I'm done." Machi grinds her teeth at Chrollo. "Be careful."
He's surprised by the emotions raging in her eyes.
Kurapika hangs his head. He did already hurt Chrollo, just yesterday. "Please don't –"
Feitan pokes his sword into Kurapika's throat. Not enough to draw blood. Just enough to threaten. "What is your goal?"
"To recover my clans' eyes." Kurapika parrots the same response that's driven him for years, but now – now there's a hint of emptiness within.
Maybe he doesn't have a goal anymore. But then what will he do?
No, he's just sleep-deprived and intoxicated by his lover. Revenge was never his true goal. The eyes are. And Chrollo is useful for that.
And he does care about him, still.
"Acceptable." Feitan drops his sword.
"You should go," Chrollo reminds Kurapika. "I'll see you later."
"Okay." Kurapika's eyes soften, just the slightest bit, when he looks at Danchou, and Machi subtly approves despite herself.
"By the way. I want my hundred Jenny." Mahci holds out her hand to Feitan as soon as Kurapika is out of earshot.
"You bet on us," Chrollo observes dryly.
"He didn't believe me. How else could I convince him to come here?"
"I'd expect nothing less of us spiders." Chrollo has to laugh.
