Chapter Twenty-Two

Illumi Breaks Hisoka Who Breaks Machi Who Breaks Feitan Who Breaks Chrollo Who Breaks Kurapika, and So On

Illumi cannot sleep. How can he? How can he, when Alluka is missing, when Killua is better off without him?

His progress – his worth in the family – depends entirely on Killua. It always has. And Killua has thrown him away, like he's trash.

Illumi is too cold to cry, but he pulls out his phone and, though his fingers stumble across the keypad, he sends Killua frantic message after message. He just – he needs Killua to love him.

Well, if he's drunk texting, he might as well go all the way. Illumi sends Hisoka a kissy emoji.

Can I at least get a pity touch or something? Or am I waste to you too?

But no one wakes up. Chrollo and Kurapika – former enemies – stand guard, like they've found new families in each other.

Well, Illumi cannot find a new family, even though he doesn't…dislike the troupe. He wants his own family. He wants Killua. And Hisoka.

How has getting married and teaming up with Killua destroyed his life? These were supposed to be the pinnacles of his life. As much a pinnacle as an assassin is allowed.

Illumi closes his eyes as the darkest thought crosses his mind: perhaps, if he pisses off his brothers enough, they'll be kind enough to kill him and remember him as a difficult kill.

But, to be honest, right now he's not even sure he can handle that. He'd probably just lie down and let them slit his throat.


Hisoka cracks open an eye in the misty morning to see nineteen texts on his phone. All from Illumi, who sleeps silently behind him.

Killua

Killua let's talk

Killua I really have only tried to help

I don't want you to die

I care about you more than most family which I guess means I'm a terrible assassin

But when have I ever strayed before

Don't answer that

Killua I'm scared

I mean not really but I don't know

I will get Alluka back I promise

I know I'm not supposed to make promises but I'm drunk

I remember training you as a kid you were so smart and I felt like I mattered when you achieved

You made my life happy

Do you know that I would die if it would make you happy?

I've only ever wanted to be

I mean

I'm bad at talking even with alcohol

I need you to love me.

It's the only thing I've ever needed.

Hisoka's stomach turns; he's overdosing on his husband's unvarnished authenticity.

Is Illumi really that lonely? He would die to make his brother happy? It's totally within his husband's character, but doesn't Illumi know Hisoka wants to matter to him, too? Hisoka wants to be his lover. Doesn't Illumi want to hang on for that, at least? Or have his past experiences ruined that for him, too?

Hisoka needs fresh air. Fortunately, he spies Machi sneaking off into the morning mist, and oh, is this the distraction he's been looking for.


Killua awakens with a pounding headache, sore eyes, and a nightmare that is apparently real. And, to top off, this misery sundae, he nearly screams at Illumi's texts.

A kissy emoji. An inquiry for pity and … sex?

I think you meant … Killua finishes with a clown emoji. He tosses his phone back to the earth, almost hoping it will shatter.

He looks over their makeshift camp. Chrollo and Kurapika seem to be discussing plans. Killua leaps to join them, but a small figure steps in his way.

"Hey there, Killua."

"Hi, Melody." Killua hates the pity in her eyes.

"It may surprise you, or perhaps you already know despite your denial – but your brother does care." Melody points to Illumi, who is groggily checking his phone.

Panic shoots through Illumi's usually passive face as he realizes he mixed up the messages to Hisoka and Killua.

"But holding me hostage – trying to kill Alluka – hurting me – that's not love," Killua says. "He's been nothing but pain for me."

"I agree." Melody sighs. "Forgive me, but Queen Oito is right. Your parents were not normal, Killua. Finding a normal way to love – one without hurt – will be difficult for all of you."

"Me?" Killua's mouth opens. Not him. Look at him, loving and helping Alluka. And Gon. And Kurapika and Leorio.

He's not damaged. He can't be.

"I think he's doing a great job," says Gon from behind.

Killua turns around with relief.

Gon slides an arm around Killua. He needs Killua to be okay, to be the calm one again, to be his best friend.

"Neither of us were treated well by our parents," Killua declares slowly, "but we will treat each other well, right?"

"That's right." Gon squeezes Killua's hand.

"I think you're off to an excellent start." Melody looks away, to Illumi, whose heartbeat is currently so anxious and broken she can't believe he used to be an assassin. "But you're going to need those who love you. And your brother does."

"Killua doesn't owe anything to Illumi after what he did," Gon protests.

"It's not always about owing." Melody draws a shaky breath. "I just wanted you to know before we head off…that…your brother does care. And, however flawed he is, he does not want to hurt you."


Machi stumbles into the forest and claps her hands against her mouth to mask her vomiting. At least most of their misfit Troupe seems to be asleep, or too private to inquire.

"God help me," she moans, as Melody's warning begins to sink in. Her eyes tear with the force of each gag.

"Your angel has arrived," says a smug voice from behind.

Machi gasps and whirls around. "Fuck off, clown!"

Hisoka perches on a log behind her, laughing.

"Mmm. First, inexplicably turning down beer. Second, inexplicable vomiting. You've eaten the same rabbit food as the rest of us." Hisoka counts off his fingers. "Third, you've seemed quite distressed since your mysterious conversation with Melody."

He tilts his head. "Now, if only all of those random symptoms had one. Simple. Explanation."

Machi feels cold. There is no. Fucking. Way. Hisoka knows.

"Does Feitan know yet?" Hisoka spreads his lips into a grin.

Fucker!

Machi wraps her nen stitches around Hisoka's throat and pulls just enough to make him gasp. "I don't know what you're implying, scoundrel, but I'm going to kill you if you don't leave me alone."

"Oh no, please spare me." Hisoka clasps his hands together and tries not to cackle with glee. "Please, please, please – I want to be an uncle."

That's it. Machi knees him between his legs. "I will never let you near my kid!"

Hisoka springs backwards. "You confirmed!"

The sheer delight on his face is sparklier than the morning sunlight slipping through the trees.

"Get back here!" Machi bolts after him.


"We're almost ready." Kurapika holds forth his Dowsing Chain. It swings further in the forest. "If we lose her trail, I'm stronger in Emperor Time."

"I'd rather you not use it," Chrollo says quietly.

Kurapika looks away. He's so confused.

He's not okay dying on this mission. And, sure, he's never been okay with dying, not until he recovered his brethren's eyes. But right now – their eyes don't anchor him to life.

If anything, he wants to stay alive to keep helping his friends. To keep holding Chrollo's hand at night.

"You look sentimental," Chrollo murmurs. "Thinking of reasons to stay alive?"

"No," Kurapika lies.

And Chrollo knows it. The leader smirks as he slips his arms around Kurapika. Right in front of everyone. "You must live as long as possible. Who else will annoy Nobunaga into crises of conscience? Who else will disrupt Phinks' appetite?"

"I thought you wanted me to cease my vengeance. We had a deal, remember?" Kurapika trembles. He doesn't wish to think of all the time he's already burned.

"Mmm, I do, but I'm open to renegotiation," Chrollo whispers.

"You're such scum, you know that?" Kurapika can't believe he's blushing in front of the Troupe, minus Machi and Hisoka for some reason.

"There are children present, you two," Oito calls. Phinks laughs loudly behind her.

"Now those two," Chrollo says, releasing Kurapika. "Those are interesting."

Kurapika's eyes turn Scarlet. "You're joking."

"Are you dense?" Chrollo tosses.

"No, I just –" Kurapika's eyes scour Phinks. The asshole is indeed sitting all too close to Oito. Looking at her like a treasure. Oh hell no.

"Bodyguard time?" Chrollo suggests.

"After we find Alluka," Kurapika seethes.

Chrollo is distracted by Hisoka, who darts into the clearing, puddled in a fit of giggles.

"Huh?" Cheadle looks confused.

"So, Feitan." Hisoka sidles up to the smaller man and wraps an arm around him.

"Get your hand off." Feitan's voice drips acid.

"I hear you've been cooking something special." Hisoka wiggles his eyebrows.

"What the fuck." Feitan gives him a strange look and steps out of Hisoka's reach.

"Is he always this odd?" Oito asks.

"Yes, but he's definitely odder than normal right now," Shizuku declares.

Phinks curls his fist, ready to deck the clown. And maybe earn the queen's admiration.

"Hisoka, back off." Machi staggers out of the woods, her own fists clenched.

She looks terrible – pale, shaky, and infuriated. Franklin looks to her in alarm.

Melody clucks her tongue, and Kurapika looks at her sharply.

Illumi, of all people, seems to recognize the issue, whatever it is. "Hisoka, you should stop."

"What's going on?" Phinks demands.

"Did you hurt Machi?" Nobunaga grabs his sword.

"I can handle myself!" Machi shoots back.

"Then, Machi, don't you have something to share with the fam?" Hisoka chortles.

"Fuck entirely off." Machi points her finger at him. "Ha. In case you're unaware, you're not part of the family."

Chrollo notes that Machi looks nervous. This is most unusual. With a flash of concern, he opens his mouth, but Hisoka, of course, interrupts.

"I just wanted to say congratulations, daddy!" Hisoka dives once more towards Feitan to capture him in a strangling embrace.

Kurapika starts. So that's why Melody heard thirteen heartbeats. The rest of the Troupe, however, just look confused. Even Chrollo's brow furrows.

Except Feitan. Feitan, for once, does not fight Hisoka off. In fact, he's rather limp as a ragdoll, being shaken back and forth by the evil clown.

"Machi?" he croaks. Or tries to. Only wordless air exits his mouth.

Machi's face is as pink as her hair. "Hisoka – I'm going to kill you!"

"Won't change the fact that you're growing a human." Hisoka kisses the top of Feitan's head.

The group is silent for a minute as they finally realize what Hisoka implies.

"What the fuck?!" Nobunaga shrieks.

"Your girlfriend was Machi?!" Phinks hollers.

Bonolenov utters a Gyudondond swear.

Chrollo looks to Kurapika, then to Machi, then to Feitan, then back to Kurapika. For once in his life, he is completely stunned.

"Machi, are you okay?" Franklin springs to her side.

"Stress isn't good for you." Illumi hurries over to sit her down.

"I'm not fragile!" She shoves Illumi back. "Leave me alone, both – no, all – of you!"

Kalluto feels tears choke his vision. His parents…are going to start their own family? They're going to forget him?

"Wait, does that mean Machi and Feitan…" Gon says slowly.

"Yes," Killua says, silencing Gon as quickly as possible, and cuing another laugh from Hisoka.

"I don't understand," Phinks moans, head in his hands. "We taught you moves, Feitan."

"Well, no, I understand it more than Danchou and the Chain Brat," Nobunaga says, tapping his chin. "They always did have a spark."

"Since when?" Phinks cries.

"Feitan, are you just going to stand there?" Leorio demands.

Chrollo sends Feitan his most intimidating glare before standing and walking over to Machi. "Franklin's right. Are you okay?"

Machi hangs her head as Chrollo tilts her head up. He smiles gently. "I'm not angry, Machi, Feitan. I'm happy for you."

"Really?" There are tears in her eyes.

Chrollo nods. He squats beside her and takes her in a hug. "We've dealt with many changes before. We'll deal with this, too. We'll support you however you need."

"Anti-nausea medicine would be a start," she says begrudgingly. But her arms tighten around Chrollo's waist, because Machi is honestly grateful.

Watching their embrace, Kurapika feels a wave of shame. Because he knows that now, now, there is no way he can ever change his mind, ever return to his goal of killing the entire Troupe.

He can't kill a mother. He won't. He can't go back.

And with his loss, he feels relief, alongside memories.

In the Kurta Tribe, Kurapika was only five when his teenage neighbor was impregnated by an outsider boy. Everyone shunned her, and Kurapika never understood why. Chrollo's response is everything Kurapika had wished he had possessed the power to do for her back then. And in this moment, even if it's just one moment, the Troupe is more humane than his clan.

It's just one moment. One, in a sea of opposites. But Kurapika is loathe to say it doesn't matter.

"Doctors, do you have anything for morning sickness?" Chrollo nods to Leorio and Cheadle.

"Uh, we didn't bring medicine," Cheadle says. "But I'll look for plants we can find."

Chrollo smiles gratefully. "Thank you, Cheadle." He slides his eyes pointedly to Kurapika, then to Feitan.

Kurapika shakes off his guilt. Ah. He hopes he understands what Chrollo is telling him to do. Either way, he's doing it. In, activated. Chains, activated.

Feitan gasps as he finds a chain squeezing him tighter and tighter. "Jesus!"

"You need Him," Chrollo says dryly, stepping to Machi's side.

"You all do," Kurapika says. Although he, a fellow murderer, might too. He drags Feitan closer to Machi.

She looks up with eyes as pink and swollen as her hair. "Hey."

"You're okay?" Feitan whispers.

"I will be."

"I'm really…" Feitan throws Kurapika a frown.

Kurapika dutifully releases Feitan from Chain Jail. His hands flail about to grasp Chrollo's.

Chrollo's eyes widen slightly. So Kurapika approves of his actions. He could get used to this.

Feitan, shakily – to his fellow members' amazement – reaches out towards Machi. "I'm sorry."

"Anyone recording this?" Phinks snorts. He is immediately chastened by Oito's firm look.

"Me too." Machi laughs weakly. "But I kinda…I think we do good together. Like you said, we're practically a family already."

Kalluto starts. Machi is looking at him. Like he's how he feels. Like he's their kid.

"We can be a family of four, then." Feitan holds out a hand to Kalluto.

"We're not gonna forget you, brat," Machi says.

Kalluto sticks his tongue out at Illumi before racing over to dive in Machi's arms. Feitan pats his head and kisses Machi's nose.

As Illumi feels emptier and emptier, and Killua lost and more lost, Kalluto finds himself finally at home.

And despite their own struggles, despite the boat heading towards shore they are too distracted to notice, both his siblings feel it too.