Chapter Thirty-Three
Cross
Illumi has already regarded the Zoldyck's dungeon as more home than his old bedroom. His first memories are from this prison; he spent more time here as a child than anywhere else.
After a while, he rather enjoyed the silence. The feeling of the muscles and ligaments in his arms being stretched as he hung by his hands. He could lose himself in reveries of love, of people saying he had done a good job. That he was the perfect assassin.
And then Milluki was born, but Illumi wasn't allowed to spend much time with him due to training, and he was rather relieved to be imprisoned here, away from Milluki's wailings.
He was twelve when Killua came. And when he held Killua in his arms, he finally realized how lonely he was.
So he persuaded Father to let him train Killua, and Killua's potential was noted to be the best ever, and Illumi was so proud. Because he too felt valuable, just through Killua's talent.
Illumi no longer needed to be the perfect assassin. Illumi would be happy enough with Killua's perfection, because Killua loved him.
And then Killua ran off, and Killua made friends and never mentioned Illumi to them. Like he was glad to be rid of Illumi. Like Illumi was a burden.
When Illumi confronted him at the final stage in the Hunter Exam, it wasn't that he hadn't understood Killua's happiness with friends.
It was that he understood too well.
Because he thought Killua was his friend.
All he ever wanted was for Killua to value him as much as Illumi valued Killua, but instead, Gon took that place.
The problem was never Killua. The problem, Illumi recognizes, was himself.
Of course, he isn't allowed to be alone right now. Nor is he even allowed the familiar comfort of hanging by his hands.
His parents' shadows loom over him. He's chained around his waist to the wall, and his wrists are shackled to his ankles.
Illumi's head is bowed so that his parents cannot see his grief. He's finally broken his family, the very family he's killed and maimed to maintain.
"It turns out the most loyal member is to blame for the rebellion of our youth," says his father, and Illumi lowers his head further.
"How could you?" Mother sobs.
Illumi says nothing. He can't cry. Not now. That will only make their wrath worse.
He learned that at age two.
"Illumi." Kikyo digs her nails into his shoulder. "Don't you care about me? Don't you see what this is doing to me?"
Illumi feels guilt strike his heart, but he also hears Hisoka's acidic voice in his head. You're not the one chained right now.
"Where is he?" Silva asks.
"Where?!" Kikyo screams.
Illumi focuses on the crack in the stones beneath him. From his angle, it is shaped like St. Peter's cross. He hopes Hisoka is on his way to save Chrollo, and leaving Illumi for now.
"Illumi." Silva squats in front of Illumi, and tilts his son's chin up until Illumi has to look at him. "He will die no matter what you do or do not say."
I already have, bitch. Hisoka laughs in Illumi's brain.
"It may be easier, and less painful for both of you, if you tell us how to find and identify him."
Illumi refuses to speak. The lump in his throat will betray him if he does.
Are you crying? He'd asked Hisoka the night they'd made love.
You won't, and one of us has to.
Hisoka cried for him then. Hisoka, or the Hisoka in his brain, can cry for him now, until Illumi is free. Which may be a while.
Because he's never going to give up Hisoka.
Father sighs, and beckons to Mother. She hands him a knife, and Illumi focuses on the cross on the floor, on the cross just like he has since he was two.
"Ikalgo!" Killua has barely landed on solid ground before the image of an orange octopus registers in his brain.
"Friend!" Ikalgo races forward, through the twenty people who have just materialized in this remote road in the midst of the Republic of Padokea, to throw his tentacles around Killua.
"Is this your ant friend?" Alluka bounds forward, Nanika on her heels.
Ikalgo looks back and forth between the twins. "Hey…there's two of them."
"I'm Nanika," says Nanika.
"She's half Ai, half human. Kinda like you," Killua says, patting Ikalgo's head. "Part human, part octopus, part Chimera Ant."
"Nice to meet you." Ikalgo bows to the two Zoldyck sisters, as much as an octopus can boy. He peers behind them. "And nice to see Gon up and healthy again."
Gon waves. Killua told him the entire reason Killua survived during their time in NGL was that he relayed Gon's ideas on friendship to Ikalgo. And Ikalgo helped him.
Right now, Gon is trying to convince himself that even if he never gets his nen back, he can still use friendship as a pretty badass power. So he automatically likes Ikalgo.
"So how far is your home from here?" Shizuku inquires.
"We'll need to sneak in," Killua says. "Or I'll have to go first…and sneak you guys in. But it's all the way up Kukoroo Mountain." He points to the volcano in the distance.
"Palm and Meleoron watched them enter the gate. She's keeping an eye on both Illumi and Chrollo." Ikalgo claps his tentacles together. He looks up to Phinks, who has adorned his Pharoah headdress. "I like your hat."
"Oh, no you don't," Machi complains.
Phinks sniffs. "Excellent taste." He hands the hat to Ikalgo, who promptly places it on his head.
"Keep it," Oito jokes, drawing a playful shove from Phinks.
"Let's head over there," Kurapika says tensely. They can't wait. He can't trust Illumi that much, even if he wants to.
"I agree," Nobunaga says, hating himself for having to agree with the Chain Bastard on anything.
When they near the testing gate, a lanky chameleon-human hybrid emerges from his camouflage against the walls, and a beautiful woman with a prominent indigo orb on her forehead. Both wear frowns.
"What happened?" Melody asks, sensing desperation in their heartbeats.
Palm keeps one hand over her right eye. "Chrollo has been taken by the mafia. They're on their way to Meteor City."
Feitan curses.
"There's more, right, Palm?" Gon bites his lip.
She nods. Her left eye travels to Killua. "Your brother Illumi is imprisoned. And tortured." Her voice breaks. "Your own parents – it's terrible."
Hisoka hisses. "Why?"
"They found out he got married, didn't they," Alluka guesses.
"No –they wouldn't." Kalluto's lips tremble.
"You heard them!" Nanika stomps her foot. "With paper dolls, you did. They were worried about it."
"But – but I don't want them to!" Kalluto cries.
"Hey, hey, kid." Feitan isn't sure if he should be more worried for Danchou or Illumi, so right now, he's going to focus on the child in front of him. He squats down to look Kalluto in his eyes. "You're okay. You brother be okay. Machi and I take care of you."
"I don't want them to hurt people," Kalluto whispers.
"Neither do we, Kalluto." Machi draws him closer, in a hug. He wraps his arms around her belly, which is just barely starting to protrude.
"Some of us have got to get to Chrollo," Kurapika says anxiously.
"I know." Hisoka looks pained.
"Yeah, you do," Franklin reminds him.
"We'll divide up. We all know who's going where." Oito snaps her fingers. "The Zoldycks and Hisoka have reason to stay here, plus Gon and Beyond. The rest of the Troupe, and Kurapika and Melody, will go to Meteor City."
"What about Leorio and Cheadle?" Leorio demands.
"Wherever you think you'll help," Oito replies.
Leorio hesitates. "Kurapika shouldn't be alone."
"He's not," Melody replies.
"No but…the four of us who went through the Hunter Exam have a secpial bond, even if we haven't always honored that. Gon and Killua can stay together. I'm sticking with Kurapika for now." Leorio grins weakly. "You can't get rid of me, you masochistic brat."
Kurapika laughs to ward of the pang of heartbreak brought by the word masochist. Because that was one of Chrollo's favorite words for him. He needs to hear Chrollo call him that again. "I'm grateful."
"I'll stick with you, too. My authority as Hunter Chairman might do us more good in Meteor City than here, and besides, rumor is Pariston does business in Meteor City, anyhow." Cheadle rolls her eyes.
"Kalluto…would you rather us stay?" Machi asks, rubbing his back.
He shakes his head. "Go save Danchou. I'll be back soon."
Feitan opens his mouth. "But –"
"They grow up so fast," Machi says sarcastically.
"They won't kill Danchou on his way to Meteor City," Bonolenov muses. "We'll need to intercept them when he arrives. Can we beat them there, that is the question."
"I can keep you posted where they are," Palm says, keeping her hand affixed to her right eye.
Nanika clears her throat. "You can."
"Will it be too much on you?" Killua asks anxiously.
"Probably, but I will try." Nanika nibbles her lip. "But…I'm supposed to help you get inside the gate."
"We'll figure that out later," Killua says. "It's okay, Nanika."
She holds out her hand. "Hand…Alluka, hold me."
Alluka grabs her sister.
"Meteor City." Nanika scrunches up her face and, with a burst of light, over half of their party vanishes.
She crumbles towards the ground, but Hisoka catches her with Bungee Gum before even Alluka can right her.
"At least allow us to help her too," Kalluto snaps.
Hisoka rolls his eyes. "Okay, kids." He checks her breathing. "She's okay. Just exhausted."
"Then how are we getting inside the mountains?" Beyond asks.
"Isn't it obvious?" Killua grins. "You're not, not yet. Until Nanika wakes up, only Kalluto, Alluka, and I can go."
Milluki enters the dungeon, whip in hand, just ten minutes after Mother and Father left. Ruining Illumi's silence, as per usual.
Illumi is covered in blood by now. He clings to the hope that Father and Mother didn't resort to torture until they'd asked questions several times over. Typically, once a question is asked once, the torture begins. The fact that they didn't – that they asked multiple times – they must love him to some degree.
Illumi regards Milluki. His little brother, while brilliant, has never had self-control.
Funny how Illumi had too much. Milluki was always his opposite, and jealous of him.
He's going to enjoy this, Illumi thinks.
Milluki approaches. The whip oscillates before Illumi's eyes.
"You know, I always wanted you to fuck up," Milluki says. "I've been waiting for this for years. So that maybe, with your fall, Mother and Father would despise me a little less. "
"How long have you known?" Illumi asks through his swollen lip.
"That you were gay? I mean, I've always wondered why you, who were so dedicated to family, never found a woman as soon as you turned a marriageable age. But I didn't know until I heard the recent rumors about you and Hisoka." Milluki checks behind them.
His voice drops. "I don't think there's anything wrong with that. Most people don't, not anymore. Our family's always been behind the times."
Illumi catches his breath. Despite the pain, he jerks his eyes up to rake Milluki's unusually serious face.
"My cameras have seen a few suspicious faces from outside." Milluki's shoulders slump. "I'm still mad at you for all the shit you pulled with Alluka…but I edited the camera feed. No one knows they're here. For what little that will do."
"Alluka." Illumi wishes it were safe to tell Milluki that she's now two people, Alluka and Nanika, and that they're sweet and powerful and he was wrong to hurt them.
But he can't trust Milluki, as much as he wants to.
Milluki notes the happy look on Illumi's face when he mentions their sister. So Illumi really has changed, hmm.
"You need to hurt me. They'll be angry if you don't," Illumi says.
"Pah. I've always been their disappointment." Milluki drops the whip on the floor and leaves.
Milluki locks the dungeon behind them, ignoring the figure glaring at him from down the hall.
"What?" Milluki demands. He knows Zeno couldn't have heard his conversation. So what if Grandpa is mad he didn't torture his brother?
"Take a walk with us." Zeno holds out his hand. Maha Zoldyck, that tottering old great-grandfather Milluki has always avoided fear that Maha would hate him like everybody else, steps out from behind him.
"Are you enjoying this?" Chrollo can't help but ask. Their airship is bound for Meteor City, and as luck would have it, only he and the Owl are still awake.
Owl avoids his gaze. He scribbles on a piece of paper. I'm here because I can confirm your appearance, nothing more.
"You're lying."
So what if I am?
Owl makes a huffing noise, similar to laughter.
"You want your power back?" Chrollo rather enjoys Fun, Fun Cloth, to be honest. He's not sure he's a good enough person to return it unless Owl grants him freedom. Ugh, Kurapika would be so disappointed.
I want to ask why.
Chrollo feels cold.
I want to know why! Kurapika is yelling in his face, his enemy just weeks before they became lovers.
"Why…which part?" Chrollo huffs now. There's too many sins to know which.
You broke me – but you had to take more. Why?
Chrollo recalls approaching the whimpering man whose face was covered with a burlap sack after Feitan's treatment. He recalls freeing him from the bag, and the fear in the young man's eyes when he saw Chrollo. He gently asked him questions about his power, and requested the man to sign his book, as a punishment. You will remember the power of the Spider forever.
He'd left then, with Fun Fun Cloth, and allowed Feitan to release the man after cutting out his tongue.
"Greed? Power?" Chrollo thinks. "No. It's never been that. It's been – a desire to know – to find myself – by trying out what others use. Your identity was your power, so I tried it."
He closes his eyes to avoid Owl's shakes. "That's not … a good reason. I wish I could provide a better one."
That's right, isn't it? Kurapika's just one victim. Even if Kura has forgiven him, there are hundreds who haven't.
"I take it back. I didn't want to find myself. I wanted to fill myself with abilities so I wouldn't have to find myself. So I wouldn't have to admit I'm … scared of myself."
Owl scribbles furiously. The Mafia has been paid by many families of your Yorknew victims. The new King, Gyro, has put a bounty on your head. You may never know yourself, but you will know what it is to be tortured until you lose everything.
"Any yet," Chrollo says, "You don't feel better, do you? Only correcting the past would make you feel better, but unfortunately, that's a nen skill not even Ai possess."
Owl frowns at the mention of Ai.
"I'm sorry," Chrollo says. He's sorry for the whole Yorknew plot. his stupid middle-finger to the mafia who exploited those in Meteor City, his stupid catalyst that led to the deaths of so many of his family.
But it also led to Kurapika.
Owl settles back in his seat. He does not accept Chrollo's apology, not that Chrollo blames him.
No, Chrollo doesn't want to redo the past. He just wants to keep the past from destroying his future, as justified as destruction might be.
