Chapter Thirty-Five
Loyalty
Content: discussions of sexual assault, victim-blaming, and lgbtq+ slurs. :(
She doesn't know the child's name, but that's okay, because no one in Meteor City really has a name that matters. But she does know that Illuna, who used to slap her underlings and smuggle more drugs home than the mafia knew, has changed.
"Advice? I don't have much." Illuna turns around, and as she does, her faces lights up. "Ah, here he is."
A two-year-old totters in, with his mother's flamboyant red hair and laughing eyes.
"He looks like you," Kikyo says. Her hands rest against her growing stomach.
"I hope so." Illuna takes her child in her arms. She kisses his chubby cheeks, and Kikyo smiles nervously.
"You're not like me, you know. They might not like this." Illuna snorts. "There's a market for fucking pregnant women. I'm not sure there's one for assassins."
"Then I'll make one." Kikyo draws herself up. "I have to."
"Wouldn't it be easier to get rid of it?"
Kikyo swallows a scream. No, of course not – because look at Illuna, look at Illuna, look how her child has saved her.
"Your children won't always save you."
"Mine will." Kikyo sticks out her tongue and stomps away.
But Illuna calls out to her. A question.
Kikyo scans the clown through her visor. This intruder – he looks like – those cheekbones – it's no matter, is it? Nothing from Meteor City matters.
"So, I see you've both set us up. Our most loyal butlers," Kikyo mocks Tsubone and Amane, who simply stand in their room like dolts.
"More like I set them up to set you up, but don't worry about the details." The clown waves his hand about. "By the way, what have you done with my husband?"
Kikyo hisses. "You! You're – Hisoka!"
What a stupid name. A stupid name from trash wrecking her family, her salvation. Her voice grows shrill. "Do you know what you've done?!"
"Mother, wait!" Kalluto's voice breaks into the room.
"Kalluto!" Kikyo glances behind her, towards her youngest, the one who actually seemed to love her back. The one whom she feels sorry for not favoring.
Killua, though, Kil is her masterpiece. He looks like a Zoldyck. He resembles her the least. He's not damaged like her.
She's always hated Tsubone for looking down on her half as much as Kikyo looks down on herself. Tsubone and everyone else in this family, except Silva and her children - they all think she's tainted. "I'm going to enjoy killing you two."
"And you. Corrupter," Kikyo sneers towards Hisoka.
"Corrupter? I can't deny that, but, oh, please," mocks Hisoka. He forces himself to sound calm. "I know what you do to your kids who turn fifteen."
It's all he's ever wanted to say. I know what you did. I know. I understand.
Kikyo's eyes glint.
"Huh?" Kalluto looks confused.
"Are you fifteen? No? Then calm down." Hisoka sounds unusually frazzled. He focuses on Kikyo. "You may be the first person I don't even think I'd be satisfied to kill."
"Ha." Kikyo chuckles.
Finally, someone shouts at her for it.
But she had to.
She knows what happens to kids who are too soft.
"This is the world we live in. I made sure they could kill them afterwards. This was the world we live in. It was for their own protection!" Kikyo slaps Hisoka.
"A slap? Aren't you an assassin?" Hisoka spits.
"Better than a queer, petty murderer so desperate for a family he'd ruin another," Kikyo growls. "Fag."
"Have you called Illumi that, too?" Hisoka looks incensed.
Mother is playing his emotions, and manipulating him, and he doesn't even realize it. Or perhaps he doesn't care. Kalluto wants to scream out what's happening, but – but Mother would see that as treason, and he loves Mother.
"When in doubt, distract." Machi wipes ice cream on Kalluto's nose.
"Is it true you killed Gotoh?" Kalluto does his best to look horrified.
Hisoka frowns. Is that really important now? The important thing is getting out of here before he breaks the neck of Illumi's mother.
Don't blame them, Illumi had begged him.
Well, fuck, he does anyway.
And Amane and Kalluto blame him. Which…they should, but it's different. Hisoka scowls.
"Hisoka didn't hurt his own children the way you have," Tsubone says at last. "Lady Kikyo…you are a monster."
The woman shrieks. Even Kalluto cries out, and Hisoka – Hisoka remembers when half his limbs were made of aura, and when he rose from the dead, and he doesn't know that he wants to call her a monster.
But she hurt Illumi, she hurt him the way Hisoka was hurt, and Hisoka can't forgive that.
"Killua. What are you doing?" Father stares across the dimly lit room. At his son, his masterpiece.
"A contest." Killua swallows. "I never much liked our contests."
"Illumi is none of your business."
"He's my family," Killua fires back. "Shouldn't I be even more loyal to my family than my friends? Or at least the same – and is there a difference naysays, except genetics?"
"He's the reason you've rebelled. One day you'll understand."
"I keep hoping I will." Killua's voice cracks, and a tear slides down his cheek. "But the more I learn, the less I understand you. I don't understand parents at all. Not you, not Mom, not Gon's dad – why don't you care less, and why doesn't Ging care more? What is wrong with you all?!"
"Is Alluka here to threaten your mother's life again?"
"Why is there one set of rules for you and another for me? Why can Illumi try to kill Alluka and why can you lock her up and place a needle in my head, but I can't hurt Mother? Why can't I control my own life? Why are you so upset by things you can't control?!" Killua hears himself screaming. But it's almost like he's not in control. Like a decade of torture and manipulation and hatred has finally been vented.
"Maybe I'll ask her to kill you instead!" he finishes.
Silva looks sick. The dogs growl at his son.
Killua swallows. He feels so ashamed.
"Killua, stop." Gon's welcome voice floats inside the room. He peeks his head in the door. "Oh, hi, Mr. Zoldyck."
"I know who you are," Silva says coldly.
"Killua – you know she doesn't want to kill people anymore. And neither do you." Gon tiptoes in. He's crying, too, as he holds out his hand. "Let's go, let's just get away from here, and take as many as we can."
"He'll stop us. He'll spy on us. He won't let us go without violence." Killua doubles over. His body is racked with sobs.
Silva watches them. Silently. Without moving.
"Why don't you react?" Killua whispers.
"Killua. We'll make it. We always will." Gon grabs Killua and hauls him backwards.
Killua shakes as he uses his electricity to fry the lock. He was only supposed to do this. He wasn't supposed to yell at Father.
He always, somehow, hoped he could respect Father. And he can't – and that's breaking him, it's really breaking him.
And why isn't Father chasing them?
"Silva knows not to cross his own father," says a dry voice from behind the two boys.
The human hybrid stands atop Milluki, who is bound in her seemingly endless hair. She's beaten him, with one hand still over her eye.
He's weak. A disaster.
Maha remains free, trading blows with the octopus and the chameleon. But not Milluki.
The woman smiles down at him, without a hint of malice. "If it makes you feel better, I beat Killua back during the ant crisis."
"It doesn't." Because he's always been weaker than Illumi, then Killua. He's always been despised.
"Well, we've been asked to ask you if you want to come with us. After we rescue Illumi, we're going…somewhere else. It's a mission you might find enjoyable." The woman shrugs.
Maha stops short. He raises his hands in surrender.
"What are you doing?" Milluki shrieks.
"Why are you here?"
"To rescue Killua's brother!" The octopus raises a tentacle in the air.
"That's it, really," the chameleon says. "To get them far away from here."
"I thought so. I haven't lost all of my mind yet, eh?" Maha scoffs.
The creatures wait.
"Get him out of here." Maha nods towards Milluki.
His face turns hot. The last time he left – well – it was to test his drones, so he didn't really leave, he just went to the edge of the mountain and that's when –
Maha knows this now. Why would he ask Milluki to leave?
"Put me down!" Milluki shouts as the woman nods and lifts him over her shoulder.
"Well, if it isn't the man heralded as Meteor City's savior." Chrollo is shoved to his knees before a short, pudgy man whose presence somehow sucks all the aura from the room.
The room is windowless and built entirely of concrete. It's hotter than the Dark Continent. They're landed kilometers from Meteor City. And now Chrollo is held captive by this imbecile.
The mafia men, even Owl, are cowed in his presence. So Chrollo laughs, laughs to show them he doesn't care. Besides, in his experience, this man was always too smart to react based on emotion. So Chrollo may be as disrespectful as he likes.
"You know I've never really aspired to be a savior." Chrollo raises an eyebrow at the man. "I heard you died."
"Surely you didn't believe that."
"Merely hoped." Chrollo does his best not to react at the blow that sends splashes of blood flying from his nose.
"How did it feel to lose everything?" Chrollo isn't done yet. This incident truly doesn't bother him. In fact, it's familiar.
"It felt like nothing. Because I am nothing. And that's what you were taught, too, but you seem to have forgotten." The man's fingernails dig into Chrollo's neck, forcing him to look into his eyes.
"Uvogin was a waste of space, but you let Pakunoda die. She was quite talented, in many ways." The man smirks.
Chrollo clenches his jaw in fury. He's long wondered if the repugnant rumors about Meteor City's mysterious benefactor, the man from another nation, were true. Well, now he wonders no longer.
"You even decided not to kill Hisoka. Is there anything you're good for, besides killing talentless mobs? "
"Did your resurrection send you back to middle school?" Chrollo returns.
"No. After…after that, I rebuilt myself. Focusing on an entire nation and this trash heap was too hard. I'd been blinded by generosity, in a sense. So now I focus on myself, on my home city." The man shrugs. "And in the end, the ant king is dead and rotting, and I am living. So please don't assume I've been shaken in my power."
"I rarely assume."
"You're assuming your friends are coming for you. Because they can't help it, can they, no matter how you plead and beg for them to forget you. People can't help loyalty." Gyro squats in front of Chrollo. He looks positively gleeful.
"But I've counted on that. They won't see us enter the city. And in the end, your loyalties will destroy this city."
"Canary?" Alluka smiles when the door to the dungeon opens.
But it's not Canary. Zeno's hunched figure looms in the light.
No! Illumi immediately tries to maneuver his chained body to shield Alluka. If they think he's a failure, he might as well lower himself further.
Please forget I wanted to kill her.
"Hi, Grandpa." Alluka steps in front of Illumi, who curses the hubris of childhood.
"I was not expecting to see you here, Alluka." Zeno blinks. This might…complicate matters.
"I'm helping Illumi. You can't hurt him anymore. Or – or I'll ask Nanika to stop you." Alluka balls her hands into fists.
Zeno smiles sadly. "I'm not here to hurt Illumi. I'm here to ask questions."
"I won't tell you where he is," Illumi says automatically. He looks lost, resigned.
"You love him," Zeno says.
Illumi nods, avoiding his grandfather's eyes. I'm sorry for disappointing you.
"I never – I never wanted – to disappoint…" Illumi's voice falters.
"I know, Illumi. You're loyal to the Zoldyck family, perhaps to a fault." Zeno glances pointedly towards Alluka.
Shame flickers across Illumi's face. But no, wait, Alluka and Nanika both forgave him. He doesn't – it's all okay, right? Maybe? "If you're going to ask me more, don't bother."
"Hisoka is your husband. Why would loyal Illumi betray him?" Zeno shrugs.
Illumi can't help but love the word husband. He misses Hisoka, he actually misses him. And he's sure it shows on his face.
"I'm not here to ask those questions." Zeno gulps. He wasn't counting on Alluka's presence. Well, there's no point in hiding things, not anymore. She'll find out eventually, anyways. "Your parents said something that…raised my concerns during your confession."
Illumi stares at him. "They didn't say anything wrong."
"Let's say their speculation…on the cause…was highly abnormal." Zeno folds his arms and waits.
Illumi forgets to breathe. Don't ask me that – please.
Zeno continues. His voice is soft, creaky. "I already spoke to Milluki."
Illumi understands. Zeno can tell by the illness that crosses his grandson's face, by the way his hands tense, by the way his eyes flit to the floor.
Alluka reaches over to pat Illumi's head, and he forces a smile, but he won't raise his eyes again. Why is Big Brother so upset right now? What are they talking about?
"What did they do to you, Illumi?" Zeno's arms remain crossed.
"Nothing, Grandfather." Illumi looks once more like the scared child who was only two when he was first chained and whipped.
"Illumi." Zeno's own heart is breaking, because he remembers the night teenage Illumi came home, silent, with his short hair a mess and his clothes torn, limping and unable to meet his elders' eyes.
Silva said he would talk to him. And Zeno's always trusted his son. Because Illumi was fine the next morning.
Illumi shrivels against the wall.
"Do you want to know the story of how your mother and your father met?" he tries again.
Alluka claps her hands, still innocent, still spared the horrors of growing up a Zoldyck.
"Certainly," Illumi says, his subservient tone emerging again. He's always been this way, emotionless and dutiful to a fault.
But Zeno remembers the toddler who loved being thrown in the air. He remembers how it felt to hold his first grandchild in his arms. Illumi is special to him, even if he doesn't know it.
"Father was on a mission in Meteor City, and mother saved his life," Illumi recites.
"Really?" Alluka's eyes shine.
"It's far more complicated than that." Zeno swallows. "There was a target desired by the mafia. The mafia client was one of the wealthiest in Meteor City. Poor as – er, I mean, very poor – by our standards, but wealthy by Meteor City." Zeno pauses. "Your mother was the target."
Illumi starts.
"Meteor City prides itself on being a haven for the nameless. As you may imagine, there are those who take advantage of that. The mafia exploits many children there. Some for labor. Some for illicit deals, everything from drugs to murder. Some for…brothels." Zeno sighs in relief to see Alluka's confusion. "Kikyo was one of the lucky ones trained in assassination."
"She was clever enough to realize they'd hired someone to kill her. She used her nen to see Silva coming, and I can only imagine the destruction their fight must have caused." Zeno chuckles. "Silva finally overpowered her."
"But he fell in love with her and saved her?" Alluka offers, ever hopeful.
Zeno hesitates. "When Silva pinned her down, realized she'd been fighting him while heavily pregnant."
Alluka's mouth falls open.
"Even with all the brothels, someone couldn't control their lust for one of the assassin children. And so the mafia deemed she had to die." Zeno shook his head. "She used her manipulation to keep Silva there, listening to her, feeling everything she felt."
"And by the time she had removed her manipulation, Silva was already in love with her. They broke hundreds of years of Zoldyck tradition to kill the client in the mafia instead of her. And they hid there, in Meteor City, until she had the child, and left it on the steps of an orphanage. Then they left."
His voice wavers. "Your mother was always afraid of someone hurting you the same. It seems her paranoia convinced her it'd be better to get it over with than not."
Illumi looks away. There's a lump in his throat. Mother.
Someone hurt her, too.
He'd hoped that by putting the needle in Killua's head, Kil might not feel as much pain as he had when his turn came. That Killua might agree with their parents.
But now – his parents were just acting – on past pain they couldn't forget? Was there no forgetting it?
If he has children, will he do the same? Is he doomed to lose his sanity? Are people nothing more than the worst things that happened to them?
"She shouldn't have had to suffer that. And she especially shouldn't have sent you to the same," Zeno says, fury suddenly in his voice. He can almost understand Kikyo's panic, but Silva – Silva should have known better.
"I am fine," Illumi says in a small voice. "It was part of training, truly, Grandfather."
Alluka frowns.
She's going to ask him, isn't she? Illumi can't bear it.
Please forget it. Please don't look at me as weak. Please don't blame this for Hisoka. His experience is nothing but a ghost of the past. He won't repeat it. He won't even think of it.
e won't
"Illumi?"
Illumi looks up to see Killua behind Zeno. His brother's mouth is open, and Killua's eyes – Killua's eyes know exactly what Alluka doesn't yet comprehend.
A strangled cry rises from Illumi's lips, and he cowers like an animal.
The sudden, sharp emotion erases all hope Illumi had of leaving his memories as past.
He hadn't – he hadn't realized how much this would hurt. Killua knows – Killua knows his darkest secret.
"You told me stories about thunderstorms right before you left. You gave the thunder a voice, because I was scared of it. You kissed my head before you left." Killua's voice cracks. "It was that night, wasn't it? You were so different when you returned. You never kissed my head again."
Illumi had felt too dirty to kiss Killua's white waves. His mouth opens and shuts without a word.
He has never masked himself as much as he fancied, has he?
"It's okay, Illumi." Killua steps closer and beckons to Zeno.
Alluka still doesn't understand, but maybe, she will someday. Maybe today, right after they leave. But someone hurt Illumi, and that makes her very sad.
Zeno hands Killua the key, like he's always wanted to do, and he slips it in the locks, one by one.
"They'll be mad," Illumi says. He's never tried to escape his chains. Kalluto and Milluki tried; Killua actually succeeded. But not Illumi.
"I don't care." Killua throws his arms around Illumi, who nearly falls over in shock.
But his little brother's arms – they're around him, tight, and it hurts to breathe, and Killua is crying into Illumi's hair like he used to when they were younger.
"I just want to help you. I don't think less of you. I – I wish you had told me sooner. It's wrong, it's so wrong. It's so fucking wrong." Killua turns back to look into Illumi's eyes. "You don't need to control me, Illumi. No matter where I go or what I do, I already love you."
"I'm not broken," Illumi insists when he realizes he too is crying.
"I don't think of you as broken. I think of you as my brother." Killua presses his forehead against Illumi's. "And I'm – no, our family – we are going to save you."
