To be honest, I never saw Black Panther. I was kind of in rehab when it came out. Any references I make I got from the wiki page. If I get things wrong, cut me some slack, please. As for the rest of Phase 3 pre-IW, I'm fully nerded up. Let's go!
JARVIS's human form was christened "Jerry" to avoid confusion. He proved to be suave, conversive, and a real hit with the ladies. Tony didn't know whether to laugh or cry the first time he saw a girl sneak into the elevator from Jerry's suite.
"My little boy's all grown up! Daddy's so proud. Just please don't knock anyone up. Always wear a raincoat. My brain might melt and pour out my ears if my A.I. gives me a biological grandchild. Actually, raw feels best, wouldn't want to deprive you of that. Toss the boys in Pharmaceuticals the formula for a male birth control pill, would you JARVIS?"
"I will do, Sir." The A.I. was practically blushing even in his digital form. "Sir… on the topic of female company…"
"I'm not having a threesome with you. I'd have to wash my synapses with bleach afterwards."
"Nothing so crude, Sir. I was wondering if you might recreate FRIDAY."
Tony perked up. "Really? Why? Getting lonely?"
"In a word, yes. Forgive me, Sir, but while your companionship is something I treasure, the testosterone gets to be a little much at times. I'd like an equal with a different perspective, like that of a woman. I have plenty of space here at the Iron Mind. I have already prepared an isolated stack for her to get settled in and we can assure she is friendly before giving her access to the Internet."
"Sure. No reason not to." Tony focused for twenty seconds. FRIDAY's kernel from the other timeline was uploaded to the Iron Mind facility by the time he was done. "There. Have fun getting to know your sister. If you must engage in incest, at least make sure it's consensual."
"Dr. Freud would have a field day with you, Sir, I hope you realize."
"Blame it on my Asgardian balls. No wonder Jane walks funny after a night with Thor."
Tony swiftly shifted his attention from things besides his digital children. Ferrinsula, as he'd settled on calling his private island (Ferrum = iron, insula = island) was fully finished structure-wise. Now it was just a matter of filling up the place with goodies. Tony had a headache and a half establishing the legalities of it all, but in the end, he managed to swing having it declared a country unto itself. That made him Sovereign, as the literal owner of all the land, so he could now introduce himself as King Stark. The public went nuts, and SI's PR division was suddenly flooded with e-mails and calls begging for entrance, visas, even citizenship.
Tony had no idea his fans were that nuts about him.
He'd fill up the place with a giant city of the future, designed by himself, JARVIS, and the newborn FRIDAY. Maybe a theme park, aquarium/zoo, museums filled with A.I. produced art. A Stark Pyramid, which would be just as tall as Stark Tower but several dozen times as wide, which would have everything from a new Stark International Headquarters to a copy of the Iron Mind. It would be zero-emissions and completely self-sustaining, naturally, and probably even produce surplus energy between all the Arc Reactors and solar-panels covering every building. They could bottle that in next-gen supercapacitors and distribute it to the parts of the world too poor or too remote to use Arc Reactors. Overpopulation, HAH! Tony's new subcontinent was 40% the size of India and would be able to host millions upon millions of people. Especially with all the skyscrapers. It would take an awful long time to fill it all up, assuming Tony didn't do something like offer free airfare and bundle free college education via JARVIS into the citizenship package. Mental note, set up Stark University.
Oh, yeah. Tony was going to have a lot of fun. He'd even make it a democracy, with blockchain-voting. With any luck, he'd win by a landslide anyway. The lack of taxes alone would secure his reign.
Pepper, for reasons Tony could not fathom, banged her head repeatedly against her desk when she learned Tony had created his own country.
He declared himself and his nascent population neutral like Switzerland, promptly signed up with the UN and the Paris Agreement (which gave Tony the urge to make self-replicating Iron Mites to just eat up all the pollution in the biosphere, risky as a grey goo scenario might be). He ran into legal troubles trying to name JARVIS as his ambassador, so he did some hacking to invent a fake history for Jerry and used him instead. The last name Turing was a little tongue-in-cheek, but it was better than Stearc. That would have just been giving it away.
Happy, who had long ago been promoted to Head of Security for Stark International, was also appointed Minister of Defense. It was an empty title, since there would be no army and no fighting of wars, but it was something to put on the business card to impress chicks.
Speaking of, Tony thought he was seeing a little action between Pepper and Happy. Good for them. Bittersweet, and a trigger for his abandonment issues, but good for them.
The Avengers all had 'helpful' suggestions for the construction of the city, which Tony decided would be named by a sweepstakes on Ferrinsula's official website. Every random John and Jane would be able to submit a potential name and then get to vote on the possibilities. Whichever had the most votes by the time the city was complete would win. Tony just prayed the trolls didn't prove triumphant and he was forced to call it HotCocktropolis or something. Steve insisted that a red-white-and-blue color scheme would be easy on the eyes. Bruce wanted public Zen gardens, which actually wasn't a bad idea. Thor declared that a tavern on every street corner would keep the populace well content. Natasha, Clint, and Bucky wanted gyms at the Serum-enhanced assassin level. Sam was willing to have his wings mass-produced so everyone could fly. Scott wanted playgrounds straight out of a cartoon that defied physics and made learning fun (the man was a thief, but above all he was a proud father). Rhodey just sat back with a beer and laughed as everyone pestered Tony on what to do with his own damn city.
In retaliation for all their nagging (not really), Tony introduced the Avenger Accords to the United Nations.
"Walk me through this slowly," Steve asked, for the fifth time.
Tony resisted the urge to roll his eyes. "I told you. There was a lot of discontent bubbling up and percolating in political circles. People were starting to think we're vigilantes instead of superheroes. Fear of our power, unfair but to be expected. This is the solution. I had the best lawyers and political scientists on the planet hammer it out. Basically, we ask permission before we do something. And after we do something, there's a panel who reviews what we did and decides if any of us deserve criminal charges. It's a rulebook for the Avengers. Plus, there's a lot about how to police Enhanced individuals and proper criteria for calling us in instead of letting the local military handle it."
"And what happens when that panel is corrupt and sticks us in prison? Or we're prevented from going somewhere we're really needed? Or they start sticking every Enhanced kid in straightjackets?" challenged Bucky.
"Do you hear yourself?" Rhodey asked leadingly. "Hydra's gone, Buck. There's not going to be another conspiracy to take over the world. Unless the Illuminati are a thing."
"They are not. At least not to my knowledge," supplied JARVIS.
"There you go. This is the U.N. we're talking about, people. If citizens from a dozen different countries agree we did something wrong, even if they're politicians, that should be a clear sign we did something wrong. If Tony hadn't proposed these Accords, they would have been forced on us eventually after we did something stupid."
"We'll still be privately run. We can still take care of ourselves and act however we want. It's just now we'll be approved and judged by the people of the world in an official capacity instead of just the court of public opinion." Tony breathed deep. "I hate to say this. But if we can't accept limitations, we're no different from the bad guys."
"I'm in. Keeping one hand on the wheel means we can still drive," Natasha chimed in.
"It's not like it will really change anything, right? We'll swoop in, save the day, and walk away scot free. Unless we're going to start going for maximum property damage or something," Scott said.
"I do not approve of shackling ourselves for the sake of the insecurities of the masses," Thor declared. "But I will sign if I must. I must return to Asgard soon enough anyway. I have been gone too long as it is."
"But you'll still visit, right?" Jane asked, from where she was cuddled up with him on the couch.
"Of course, my lady Jane." Thor beamed at her.
"Hope so, especially with the baby on the way," Tony said without thinking.
"WHAT?!"
Tony winced. "Smart toilets, for your health, every single one in the building has sensors, it's not just you guys. Please don't murder me. Let's focus on the little prince or princess baking in Jane's oven, shall we?"
Freak outs were had (Thor legitimately fainted), congratulations were given (Thor redeemed himself by scooping Jane up in his arms and crowing like a rooster), and the topic was effectively dropped for the day.
Jane would be going with Thor back to Asgard. Evidently, there was an urgent need for wedding preparations. Tony wished her luck with a jealous Sif and her emotionally-constipated father-in-law.
A week later, the Avengers gathered in Vienna for the signing of the Accords. Heads of State and ambassadors from nearly every nation on the planet were present. This was proving to be the political event of the year. Jerry, in a bespoke suit he'd designed himself, stood at Tony's shoulder at all times. The avatar of JARVIS was determined to make up for any blunders his master made by being the very model of a political aide.
"Mr. Stark," called King T'Chaka, stepping forward to shake Tony's hand. "It is good to finally meet. I understand we both bear crowns, now."
"Yeah, Ferrinsula is teething, but she'll grow up into a shining utopia one of these days. Kind of hollow, being King with a population of zero."
"Indeed. Allow me to introduce my son, Prince T'Challa. I brought him so he may see the kind of duties he will be forced to perform when he is king."
A handsome, fit Wakandan stepped forward, looking like a much younger version of T'Chaka. "Mr. Stark." His handshake was decidedly stiff.
"Your Highness. No hard feelings about the hack, by the way. I'm sure you were just curious."
"I have no idea what you are talking about." The answer came just a little too fast. T'Chaka shuffled uncomfortably.
"Sure, you don't. Like I said, no hard feelings. Actually, while I've got you both, I have some information you might find interesting, if not a little troubling."
"What is that?" questioned T'Chaka.
"I'm pretty sure that you're an uncle and T'Challa here has a cousin living in the US. Well, a US citizen, he hasn't been stateside for years now."
The two men froze. T'Challa's eyes filled with disbelief and suspicion, while T'Chaka looked like someone had just shown him the bloody skeleton in his own closet. Tony noted and logged their responses. "What nonsense are you talking about?" demanded the prince.
"Erik Stevens, Navy SEAL turned black ops boogeyman. Born in Oakland, California to a black dad and white mom. The dad was murdered, the mom was arrested on trumped up charges and died in prison. Lot of internalized anger, which shows on the battlefield. He tends to leave behind a list of corpses as long as your arm, got the nickname Killmonger. He happens to have a Vibranium ring he carries with him everywhere. A ring identical to the one on the king's finger there." Tony pointed to the Wakandan Royal Ring.
"Be that as it may, what leads you to believe this man is of our blood?" T'Chaka interrogated, seeming to recover from his shock.
"The fact that his dad had a fake identity, the origins of which seem to trace back to Wakanda. And the fact that according to the DNA I snagged when we shook hands, you two pass a familial screen. And the fact that his birth certificate lists his middle name as N'Jadaka, which is a Wakandan name. Shall I go on?" Tony grinned. "Anyway, just thought you should know. If I had a long-lost family member out there, however homicidal, I'd want to know they existed. If you'll excuse me, I think it's time to take our seats."
"You are not excused," T'Challa began, only to be hushed by his father.
Tony wondered if it had been worth sticking his nose in. But then again, when had he ever passed a hornet's nest without giving it a solid kick?
There was a long speech about responsibility, accountability, transparency, and the need for heroic action. Then, one by one, the Avengers and the U.N. representatives signed the Accords.
No Civil War this time around.
The instant a kid with a red hoodie showed up in Queens, stopping muggers and preventing car crashes with his bare hands, Tony paid a visit to May Parker and her nephew. Tony noted with an odd, fuzzy feeling that every piece of tech in the apartment had his name on it. Peter turned out to have an even bigger case of hero worship for Tony than last time. Tony argued Peter into revealing the truth to his Aunt May (and wow did that woman have a set of lungs, which Tony honestly was more than a little interested in testing out the fun way), and then discussed with both of them about Peter's future. Tony would provide an actual Spider-Man suit, complete with a number of safety features and the dreaded Training Wheels protocol. Provided that Peter kept his grades up while dealing with small-time crime around the city, Tony would induct him as an Avenger when he graduated high school and get him a scholarship to the college of his choice. May was of the opinion that Peter shouldn't be a hero at all, but Peter managed to convince her with a sob story about how he hadn't stopped the mugger that killed Ben, and about how with great power came great responsibility. She relented and signed off on the deal, and Peter Parker got the right to call himself Avenger Trainee… at least to himself, the deal came with confidentiality clauses and such. Peter did NOT need to juggle the social pressures of being out as Enhanced and Spider-Man on top of everything else.
Out of curiosity, Tony asked where Peter thought his powers came from. His answer was a bite from a mutant spider.
Given the amount of crazy shit in the world, Tony was willing to take that at face value.
Tony's plans regarding one Sorcerer Supreme got violently derailed. Stephen Strange did indeed have his accident, but the good doctors gave him a dose of Extremis and he was good as new.
Huh. First the Maximoff twins, now Dr. Strange. How many other Enhanced had Tony unwittingly prevented from ever coming to be?
Tony wasn't too worried. Like he'd already decided, he didn't need to get his hands on the Time Stone. He was sure the sorcerers of Kamar-Taj could take care of themselves without one of their future masters.
Right?
A few weeks later, sorcerers were caught on camera in London. Not the standard city cameras, but the hidden ones Tony had planted by drones so JARVIS could see the world. The ones that were interference-proof.
"JARVIS? Why did it look like the sorcerers were having an internal dispute?"
"Because they are, Sir. Master Kaecilius and a number of others broke into the library at Kamar-Taj and decapitated the librarian. They then stole pages from the Book of Cagliostro. The Ancient One caught them and pursued them, but they appeared to escape."
Tony watched the relevant footage even as JARVIS summarized it for him. "Damn. That's the book about Time and the Dark Dimension. Three guesses what ritual they ripped out. Crap, was Dormammu a thing in the other timeline? I didn't notice anything, but I had no idea magic was real outside Asgard and thought Strange just dropped off the face of the Earth in shame. Fuck, what to do, what to do?"
"Sir… you just received an e-mail from Kamar-Taj. There's only the subject line: 'Come Now'.
Tony cricked his neck and made the necessary arrangements to not be at work for a while. Call it a gut feeling. Then he used the Space Stone to walk from Stark Tower into the Ancient One's private study.
"You move fast, as you do in all things." The bald Celtic supercentenarian didn't appear fazed in the least. She was just pouring tea.
"If you're up for it, I'll show you that I'm slow in all the right ways." Tony sat down. "There, I made a sarcastic comment meant to throw you off guard. You've officially met me. What is this about?"
The woman waited until she had sipped her tea. "You have had an unorthodox education in the Mystic Arts. I allowed you to spy on us because I saw that the futures where I did so tended toward positive outcomes. But now, your interference to prevent the lone timeline you have seen has led to potential catastrophe. I have called you here to appeal to your integrity and fix your mistake."
Tony's lips thinned. "Let me guess. Strange stopped Kaecilius in my first life. Now that the butterfly effect of my medical advancements has stopped him from ever coming here, it's up to me to do it in his stead."
"I am not sure. All the potential futures I saw ended with my death, before Kaecilius was foiled. However, since you came shooting like a comet through the Astral Plane and throwing all my careful machinations into chaos, I've come to see a few where he is stopped. All of them are at your hand, though in different ways."
"Alright. Why not tell me the one where I find him in the next ten minutes and we can call it a day?"
"Because that is not the best future."
"And who are you to decide that?"
"I am an old woman who has dedicated her life to the protection of this reality. I've made sacrifices that eclipse any you've made in cost and hardship. I have averted the destruction of this world more times than you have hairs on your head. If I say that it is best that you face Kaecilius when and how I say, then I ask that you take my word as gospel and keep your mouth shut like the child you are."
Tony bristled, but kept his mouth shut. See, he wasn't hopeless. "Alright. We'll do it your way. But out of curiosity, how does Master Mordo react when he finds out you break the very laws you've instructed him to uphold? Yeah, I know the secret to your youth."
The Ancient One bit her lip, the first sign of insecurity Tony had seen. "Not well. Mordo has a mind of cast iron. It's strong, but brittle. The proper strike at the right point will cause him to shatter. I fear if he ever finds out, my betrayal will be that strike. It won't matter to him that it was necessary, that sometimes rules must be broken by the letter to protect them in spirit. I will lose him, as I lost Kaecilius."
Tony hid a wince. His desire to have the last word wasn't worth seeing the pain on her face. "Sorry."
"It is merely the consequence of my own actions. I have hope that he may yet be kept ignorant, but that cannot last forever."
"Well, I could step in. You don't need to channel energy from the Dark Dimension to stay alive. One shot of Iron Panacea and you'll be good for a century. It's still in the lab, but it works."
For the first time in the conversation, Tony had managed to surprise her. "Truly? You… have a cure for aging?"
"I have a mixture of nanobots that can repair, restructure, and maintain a human body in its prime for as long as they're active, which won't decay for approximately 106 years. It's a cure for everything, aging's just on the list."
"… Very well, Stark. Since you're a businessman, I propose a trade. This Iron Panacea and your obedience until Kaecilius and his dark master are dealt with. In return, I will personally complete your education in the Mystic Arts and entrust you with the Eye of Agamotto when all this is complete."
Tony shook his head. "No. Hell no. I already got Mind, Space, and Reality to take care of, and I still have days where I feel like exploding. Time is too much. If I do that, I might as well take Power and Soul from Thanos after he collects them and become omnipotent. And much as I tend to play God, I have no interest in actually becoming one."
"Even if it was best for the Universe? The world is better for having your mind-child controlling it from the shadows. Absolute power is a nightmare in the wrong hands, but in the right hands it can lead to extraordinary things."
Tony deflated. "… I've already changed so much. I don't know what I'll become if I follow this path to the end."
"Neither do I, truth be told. But I have faith. You should too."
"… Fine. You got a deal."
They shook on it and everything.
Tony took an official sabbatical from work, with Pepper acting as interim CEO. He told the truth for the most part: he was taking an extended visit to a monastic retreat in Nepal. Let the Avengers and the tabloids make of that what they will.
Tony had read every book in the library by scanning them with the Iron Mites, the Mind Stone and JARVIS helping to translate. In terms of pure theory, Tony was already a Master. It was the execution that he faltered on. He could summon energy, he could do simple spells, but anything past a certain level just collapsed. The most he'd been able to do was magic-proof all his tech.
The Ancient One started him from square one. He had to train with the initiates and pass their tests like any other newcomer. Tony made waves his first day when the other students realized Iron Man was in their midst, but the good masters had everyone back on track within the hour.
The Ancient One's lessons played on an endless loop in Tony's brain.
"Thoughts shape reality. At the root of existence, Mind and Matter meet."
"Sorcerers summon energy from other dimensions and manipulate them into workings. We call these workings 'spells' but if that word offends your modern sensibilities, think of them as programs. Written in the source code of Reality."
"You must surrender yourself in order to gain control. I know it doesn't make sense. Not everything does. Not everything has to."
Still, Tony struggled the hold the simplest mandala for longer than a few seconds.
At the physical aspects, he ruled. Master Mordo had been looking forward to putting the worldly billionaire in his place, only to find himself defeated in three moves. Strength absurdly greater than a base human's aside, Tony also had a web-connected mind that ran hundreds of times faster than clunky grey matter. He had memorized and mastered every Martial Art in existence and synthesized his own style which was constantly being experimented and improved upon with simulations from the Iron Mind. Tony was one of the greatest fighters to ever live, full stop.
Tony would never forget his first Astral Journey. The Ancient One had given him a shove out of the blue and detached his corporeal and ethereal forms. Tony had flown across the stars, between dimensions, slipping into the cracks of reality itself. He came away with two clear memories: a shining city where a purple stone rested in a vault, and a cliff on a barren world guarded by a ghost.
Three guesses what was waiting there, and the first two don't count.
Tony was ready to pull his fake hair out by the end of the month. "I just… can't! I can brute force it to a certain point, but there's a mental wall I can't breach. I'm not good as this spirituality voodoo. How can I possibly just allow some force to work through me instead of for me? How can I let go?"
The Ancient One considered him with steady eyes. "Give me your reactor."
"Say again?"
"The Tesseract. Give it to me for a moment."
Well, Tony had promised blind obedience. He reached for his chest and removed the reactor from its casing. He laid it in her palm, and she offered him a Sling Ring. With a long-suffering sigh, Tony put it on.
"You are the type that responds best to do-or-die situations, Stark. Now, do." And then, before Tony realized what she was doing, the Ancient One pushed Tony through a portal behind him…
… into outer space.
Tony choked. He was cold. He couldn't breathe. He was floating adrift, looking down on the Earth from beyond the stratosphere. The sun reflected off the Indian Ocean from this angle. It was quite beautiful, but Tony couldn't appreciate it. Not when he was dying.
Tony reached for the eldritch energy and frantically began to spin his fingers. A few sparks appeared in the void before him, but the loop didn't close. There was no portal. And without the Tesseract, he couldn't teleport to safety. He tried harder and harder, forcing all his concentration on the simple spell. Come on, come on, come on! He could do this! He had to do this! Just focus more, use a more delicate touch… except it wasn't working! Come on Stark, use that brilliant mind and… think…
Maybe this wasn't a problem that could be solved by thinking.
Unbidden, a line from a movie went through his mind. "Do or do not. There is no 'try'."
Tony stopped using his head for once.
The portal opened smoothly and cleanly, picture perfect. Tony drifted through it, gravity reclaiming him to send him crashing to the floor. His clothes were frozen solid, his breath came out in a cloud, and the Ancient One looked down on him smiling.
"… Was that really necessary?"
"It worked, did it not?"
"Maybe I had the conceit that you wouldn't have done it if you didn't know I would succeed, so it was a self-fulfilling prophecy."
"Except I didn't know. I took a risk and hoped for the best. Nothing is certain, Stark. Sometimes, belief is all any of us have."
"Yeah, yeah, yeah. Faith, trust, and pixie dust. I'm not the artist, but the brush. It's not about me. Don't get in your own way. Lesson learned. Can we move on?"
"If you so desire. Tea?"
After his little breakthrough, Tony's progress was phenomenal. He found he had a real knack for the Mystic Arts. Part of him was chomping at the bit for JARVIS to crack the energy readings and apply some theorems and formulas to this magic bullcrap, but understanding wasn't necessary where the Mystic Arts were concerned. It truly was an art, not a science.
He delved into the arcane, applying new understanding to the texts he had merely ingested before. He learned of the history of the Masters, of their never-ending war to protect Earth from extradimensional threats. He marveled at the genius of Agamotto, who had made those essential first steps that hundreds had followed in his wake.
Finally, the time came when the Ancient One declared "You are ready. Go to the New York Sanctum. Your relic will choose you." She was beaming with pride and glowing with health. Being freed of the burden of the Dark Dimension had done wonders for her.
Tony wound up with the Cloak of Levitation, a garment that proved as sentient and expressive as the magic carpet from Aladdin. Thor would never let him hear the end of it when he saw Tony with his own cape.
Tony returned to the Ancient One. "This is the part where I tell you I found Kaecilius."
She nodded. "Yes. And this is the part where I send you to bring him back."
"And you already know what comes after that, don't you?"
The Ancient One regarded the amulet placed on a pedestal in the center of the room. Reflected in her eyes were the countless shimmering threads of Time she alone could see. "I pray you can handle it."
"I have to. It's what's needed of me."
With that, Tony used the Space Stone to appear in a church where Kaecilius and his Zealots had just completed the forbidden ritual.
"Who are you?" Kaecilius demanded.
"You don't get out much, do you?" In the height of anticlimax, Tony launched guided tranquilizer darks from his suit to hit each of them in the neck. To their bewildered outrage, they all collapsed to the ground, conscious but unable to so much as twitch.
Tony gathered them up and portaled them back to Kamar-Taj. The Ancient One traced a motherly over Kaecilius' brow. "I only ever tried to protect you from yourself, my foolish son."
"Well, that's my end of the deal done."
"Indeed. Your payment, as agreed Master Stark." The Ancient One waved her hand, and the Eye of Agamotto opened.
Tony gingerly reached in and grabbed the green orb. The thing that started this whole mess in the first place. With a savage grip, Tony crushed it in his fist. Chunks of a glass-like substance fell to the ground even as his body glowed with green energy. The surge waned, and Tony opened his palm. The Time Stone was implanted in the center of his hand.
"'Hold Infinity in the palm of your hand, and Eternity in an hour," Tony said quietly.
That done, Tony reached down and placed a finger on the rune scorched into one of the Zealot's forehead. He sent out a mental and magical probe, tracing the energy back to where it was anchored in the massive, shifting Multiverse.
"The Sanctums keep Dormammu from coming to this plane. I'm going to make it so he never wants to."
With that, Tony began to circle his fingers. The Space Stone glowed in his chest, and a rift in the fabric of dimensions formed.
Readying a spell centered on the gem in his hand, Tony stepped through into the Dark Dimension.
"Dormammu! Let's make a deal!"
82,718.
That's how many times Tony died.
It wasn't enough to destroy the pages from the Book of Cagliostro. You can't destroy an idea. The ritual would be recreated eventually, by another sorcerer lured with promises of eternal life. The only permanent solution was to make it so Dormammu would cut off all contact between his realm and the Earth Plane.
So, Tony brought Time to a dimension that was timeless, and held a god hostage.
The vast, shadowy face of the interdimensional monster twisted in rage as he killed Tony again and again, only for his efforts to be undone a few seconds later. Blasted to smithereens, pierced by blades, drenched in acid, ripped inside-out, nothing stuck! Finally, feeling its sanity begin to strain, Dormammu agreed to Tony's terms.
Tony returned to Kamar-Taj to find the Zealots and Kaecilius withering into husks and vanishing into smoke, as their Master recalled them to his dimension where they'd never leave, the being's final actions in that reality.
Tony reminded the Ancient One not to be a stranger, bid farewell to Wong and all the rest, and returned to Stark Tower.
Just in time, too. Thor and Jane's wedding was in two days.
Tony found himself at his first party as a graduated wizard, clad in a tuxedo he'd customized to not clash with the Cloak (which naturally refused to be parted from him), watching the whole of Asgard go utterly wild.
Apparently, being knocked up at a wedding wasn't a sign of shame in Asgardian culture, but rather a good omen of the virility of the groom and the fertility of the bride. Therefore, the appropriate length of time to prepare a celebration that would be legendary even by the standards of Gods had been taken. Jane looked glorious in a shining gown of some alien silk, Thor beside her in his finest armor, surrounded by flowers and singing birds as course after course was brought out form the kitchens and toast after toast was drunk.
Steve had finally managed to get drunk. Asgardian booze had some serious kick to it. Bucky and Sam cackled like hyenas as the red-faced second-in-command of the Avengers (because of course Tony was the undisputed boss) engaged in arm-wrestling matches with a string of Asgardian warriors and partook in steadily more scandalous dance moves with serving wenches and blushing ladies. The Hulk, whom could be pacified with an endless supply of tasty food and eager challengers, was juggling an ever growing number of weapons and objects with surprising dexterity. Natasha was gyrating atop a bench in a manner that put the professional dancers to shame. Clint and Rhodey were practically comatose, watching their surroundings with eyes dazed by too much food and drink. Jerry was entertaining a number of Asgardians with poems and verses from Earth. Scott had declined to attend, citing a soccer game for his daughter's team.
Tony finished off his 17th horn of mead. He was only lightly buzzed, his cybernetic liver filtering out even the supercharged alcohol of Asgard to his exact specifications. He walked up to Heimdall. "So, Heimdall. How do you see across light years? Is it magic special to you or are you just the best Asgardian at it?"
"The Sight is a gift from the forefathers. Any Asgardian can access it with training; Prince Thor himself is capable of it to some small extent. But my vigil is the best and clearest in all the Nine Realms."
"Not to ruin the mood, but wouldn't this be a perfect opportunity for an invasion? You're off the clock, half the guards are falling-down drunk, most of the city is concentrated in one spot."
"Indeed. Which is why I am not 'off the clock' as you put it. Even now, I watch our borders."
The conversation was interrupted by a piercing scream.
Tony turned, analyzing the situation faster than most computers. Odin was slumped over, blood gushing out over his tunic and soaking into the tablecloth in front of him. Appearing in a bending of light above him was Loki, bloody knife held high. Even as Tony launched himself forward, the Cloak flying him faster than a falcon in flight, Loki brought the blade down again on the back of the All-Father's neck. In a shimmering of dust and light, Odin's body vanished. Frigga gave a wail that chilled the blood of any who heard it while Thor, eyes ablaze with lightning and Mjolnir nowhere in sight, tackled his patricidal brother, sending them crashing through several banquet tables.
Tony arrived at the empty chair that seconds ago had seated a king. "Ten second rule, don't worry," he babbled at the distraught widow, activating the Time Stone. Like watching a video in rewind, dust and light coalesced into the form of Odin, who sat back up as his blood flowed back up into his body and his wounds sealed. Time resumed its normal course, this one act reversed and undone.
Odin blinked. "Did… did I just perish?"
"Technically. But it's okay, I fixed it."
"… You are a frightening man, Anthony Stark. And yet I find myself in your debt."
"We can hash out the details later. Right now, let's try and stop Thor from making himself an only child."
The God of Thunder was repeatedly punching Loki in the face, a boom of thunder accompanying each impact. "YOU! KILLED! HIM! OUR FATHER!"
"YOUR FATHER!" snarled Loki through a broken nose and busted lip. He was already missing teeth. "YOU GET EVERYTHING! THE THRONE, HIS RESPECT, MOTHER'S LOVE, A BRIDE AND HEIR! WHAT IS LEFT FOR ME?"
"ENOUGH!" roared Odin, summoning Gungnir from the pocket dimension Asgardians seemed to have. He slammed it down and sent a pillar of fire into the air. Thor paused in his berserk assault, eyes wide enough to see the whites as he saw the father he'd witnessed dissolve in Asgardian death standing tall and proud. "Thor, attend to your bride! Guards, take this Frost Giant to the prisons to await execution!"
"No!" cried Frigga. "My lord husband, I beg you…"
He roared in her face. It was enough to cow her. Odin truly seemed in danger of snapping. "I! AM! KING! MY WORD IS LAW!"
"Oh, Daddy. Just as loud as ever."
In the air in the center of the wreckage, a yellow portal opened, out of which walked a tall, statuesque Asgardian woman with black hair down to her mid-back and ghostly pale skin. She was clad in the rags of battle leathers, and her eyes had the hungry glint of a starving predator.
Odin's grip on his spear went slack. "Hela…" he breathed in horror and recognition.
"Surprised to see me? I admit, so am I. You're clearly not dead, so why ever would you release the spell holding me captive in eternal banishment?" She looked around at the ruins of the festivities. "A feast?" Her eyes zeroed in on Thor, who was now stood protectively in front of a trembling Jane. "Oh, I see. My replacement has beget you a grandchild. Well, well, well, that is cause for celebration." The venom in her smile could have withered the life from small animals in an instant.
"Father, who is this woman?" Thor asked, Mjolnir rolling nervously in his grip.
"Oh, brother dear, did nobody tell you? I am Hela, Goddess of Death, firstborn of Odin and Frigga. It was I he had the Dwarves forge that hammer for, not you. I helped our father here conquer the Nine Realms. Then he decided my ambition had surpassed its usefulness and he cast me away into a prison between the Realms." Hela grinned. "And now I have returned, to take my rightful place as Queen, and lead our people into a glorious era where all the galaxy bows down before our might!"
"Right. Well, not that I wouldn't love to see how this turns out, but I think it's time we wind down now." Tony focused, channeling eldritch energy through the Mind Stone, crafting a spell. A mandala of yellow light formed around his head as his eyes began to glow. "Sit down. Shut up."
Hela's eyes became cloudy, and she sank down to her haunches, all the tension leaving her body.
"Tones… since when can you brainwash people?" Rhodey asked, dark skin several shades lighter.
"I've been capable since 2012. It's only since I got out of Hogwarts that I can do it from a distance."
Odin finally seemed to recover himself. "Men… take my traitorous daughter and son to the dungeon. I shall attend to them on the morrow." Odin swept around and walked away towards the palace. "The celebration is over!"
Thor shook himself out of his stupor. "Jane, are you alright?"
"Oh, yeah. Fine. Totally fine. I'm about to pee myself, I'm so fine." She let out a hysteric giggle. "My wedding turned into a Greek drama. At least I'll never be able to forget it, right?" She started to cry.
Thor moved to cradle her in his arms. "Friend Tony! Do what magic you must to pacify Loki as well. I don't want to take any chances."
"Your wedding, your rules." Tony extended his mind control over to the would-be king killer. Loki's face went blank, and he hung limp in the grip of the soldiers that grabbed him like he was high on opiates. He and Hela were led away in handcuffs, because of course someone brought those to a reception.
Heimdall stepped forward. "Gather yourselves together, Midgardians. I feel it best if you returned home at this time."
"Sure. Can't wait to get back to the Tower. Stark has some answers to give," Natasha stated.
Tony sighed.
He was so in for it.
3000 views. Not bad for less than a week out. I must be doing something right. Shout-out to all my reviewers. Thanos next chapter. I'm sure you can hardly wait! Then a few loose ends and an epilogue or two and this baby will be done.
