The song for this chapter is Three Days Grace - Let You Down
MURPHY'S POV:
There was a taste in my mouth when I woke. From what I could recall, one thing led to another with drinks and here I was with a hangover. If I tried I could piece together last night. We laughed. We danced. We played tipsy pool. We drank too much that we stumbled out onto to one of the couches on the back patio. We talked all night as far as I could remember in a contently cozy bubble. But I couldn't remember if anything else happened.
Pipe water dropped onto my cheek.
I jolted up to wipe it off. With a groan, I moved my bed, then grabbed a familiar bucket until I could a repair guy over. Today I had bigger fish to fry.
Lexa.
After I showered the funk away and got dressed, I headed to grab a bite to eat. On my way into the kitchen I bumped into a body in the hallway.
Raven looked up at me with brown eyes and I was a goner. "Hey," Her lips spread into a grin with a piece of toast in her hand.
"Hey," I smiled back. "You look great for someone that helped me down a bottle last night."
She briefly glanced down at herself. "Thanks, I blame it on Clarke's clothes. I feel out of place in them constantly."
"You don't look as out of place as you may think." I meant it as a compliment but I'm not so sure she took it that way.
Her face reddened a bit. She cleared her throat. "Thanks." She met my gaze nervously.
I chuckled. "You're cute, Reyes but I gotta go."
We didn't move away from each other.
"You're leaving?"
I nodded. "I'll be back." I snatched the toast out of her hand, then backed away with a smirk on my face.
Her eyes followed me almost in a daze. "See you when you get back."
"I guess so."
In all honesty, I didn't want to leave. I wanted to stay with her so we could hang out and get to know each other better, even though I felt like I already knew everything about her that I needed to know for me to like her.
She held a smirk of her own. "When you get back I want another tattoo." Her eyes trailed down my body before she turned back into the kitchen.
I bit into the buttery bread while I started for the door.
Octavia walked my way. "Hey, where you going?"
My arm hung around her shoulder. "Peace talk and all that." I whispered into her ear.
She playfully shaved me away. "Without me?"
My hand mushed her face. "You want to come with, Tay Tay?" I called her that when I was younger whenever I was antagonizing her.
Her fist flashed out to hit my stomach. "You know I hate it when you call me Tay Tay, John."
I was brought back to my childhood of being called John by father whenever he was punishing me.
Octavia placed a hand on my chest, her green eyes stared into mine hard. "Didn't mean to make you go there,"
My insides clenched at the memories of trauma that most definitely shaped who I became. I had to remind myself that the past was the past and Octavia cared about me. She wouldn't ever treat me like he did.
"I'll take you out to ice cream, my treat." She offered.
A smile came about. Ice cream was a good way to make me feel better.
"Maybe after we deal with this."
I could get Raven some chocolate ice cream if we went to the store. Girls liked ice cream, right?
"You're thinking about Raven, aren't you?" She teased as we descended on our motorcycles.
My face felt hot. "Maybe."
She laughed. "I didn't think you'd fall this hard this fast after Emori."
Nope. Not talking about it.
I sped off.
She followed.
We played music and acted like damn fools because we were good at it. I think we both needed the moment with everything on our plate.
Once we parked out back so we wouldn't be spotted.
"How do you think this is going to go?" She asked nervously.
I cast her an unsure look. "I'm not sure. Lexa seems pretty fair in a strange contradictory way."
Her steps went stiffly while the memories of Finn ran through her mind.
"Tay," I grabbed her arm gently. "You don't have to do this,"
"I do or Finn died for nothing." Her eyes misted over but she pushed them back. "And I'm not going to let that happen."
I wanted to pull her in for a hug but I knew she wouldn't want that, not while we had to mentally prepare for walking into enemy territory. She was so incredibly brave and beautifully genuine. She didn't even realize it half the time. I missed Finn. He was good for her.
To lend her some of my strength, I held my hand out.
She grasped onto it tighter than I think she realized.
We walked in together.
Titus greeted us after we entered. He wore a serious mask like always that let me know he was ready to fight and die for Lexa like she was some grande Commander of an army or something.
"Titus, nice to see you again." I slapped him on the shoulder in passing.
He moved to pull his gun out on me in irritation but Octavia was faster.
She had her mask on and it was scary when she did. "You move a muscle and I blow your head off." She lowered her gun to his junk.
My girl.
This of course attracted attention and every gun in the room was now on us.
Roan barged out of from the back. "What the hell is going on here?"
"Who let a Delinquent in the door?" A big black man walked up to us with a scowl.
"Easy, Pike." Roan threw him a look. "You three follow me." He turned for what I expected to be Lexa's office.
Octavia and I glanced at each other before we walked inside.
She sat behind her desk with a pleased look. "Sit,"
I sat in one of the chairs.
Octavia remained standing. She had her mask on while she looked at Lexa.
"Tay?"
Lexa looked on expectantly.
She crossed her arms. "I'll stand."
Lexa waved it off. "Suit yourself." She gestured for Roan to hand her something. She held up a piece of paper. "This is your cut of what we've made since we last spoke." She handed it to me. "Your shit was good. So good that we have people lining up for me already."
Octavia took the check from my hands to inspect. "This is nothing. Where's the rest of it?"
"It's what you're owed so far, Octavia. When you deliver more product then there'll be more money." She sat back in her throne like chair, a powerful smirk on her face. "I knew I'd like you. You've got Nightblood in you for sure."
Her face twisted at a loss of composure. "Don't you ever compare me to you, you evil bitch." She lunged forward. "You killed Finn!"
I grabbed her before an outbreak of violence could happen. "Calm down," I whispered into her ear as I hugged her. "Blood must not have blood, remember?"
She still held some fight in her.
Lexa simply watched in fascination, not an ounce of fear on her.
"Those were your words," I reminded her. "And Finn's."
She stopped at the mention of his name. When she turned to me she reminded me so much of her kid self, looking up at Bellamy and I like we could fix everything. I couldn't fix this for her. Not anymore. Not in the way she probably wanted me to. From the dimness in her eyes I could tell she knew it wouldn't help her anyway.
"Where's the bathroom?" She pulled away.
Roan showed her to it.
I turned back to Lexa. "I tried to talk her out of coming but she insisted."
She stood. "Finn's girlfriend I presume?"
My head nodded heavily. "Ex-girlfriend. You made sure of that."
She internalized that.
"Sorry," I said faintly.
"Don't be. I did what I saw fit as I'm sure you would've done in my position."
Maybe. Maybe not. Killing went along with the territory of the life we lived from time to time. We were products of our environment, as was our parents. So I wasn't sure if I'd have killed Finn for the crime of trying to stop a young girl from being abducted by a member of an opposing Club. Lexa assured us that she'd seek justice for the low-life in her midst as well, but he had murdered one of her own. That was the tricky thing about justice, it never quite fit everyone's ideals.
"If things work out how Octavia envisioned we'll be on a much better path sooner. Maybe one day she'll forgive me."
I wouldn't hold my breath. She was pretty stubborn like her brother.
Lexa looked down in vulnerability. "Speaking of, how's Clarke?" She cleared her throat.
Bellamy wouldn't want me to divulge any info on Clarke to Lexa of all people but I was here and small talk would go a long way towards peace.
"Happy. Very in love. Ready to start a family." I also kind of wanted to rub in Lexa's face that she fucked up.
She nodded, then gave a smile that in no way reached her eyes. "Good. I'd ask you to tell her I said hello but we both know that wouldn't be wise. So..." She turned around to reign in her emotions. "The next drop will be tomorrow. Bring me more Cocaine and I'll have a probationary contract drawn up."
We shook on it.
Octavia returned with an oddly stoic look. "I forgot I had a meeting with Lincoln. Can we go?"
Lexa visibly angered at the mention of Lincoln. He'd forever be a traitor in her eyes. Funny how she'd never see Clarke that way.
"We good here?" I gestured between Lexa and I.
She gave a single nod.
Octavia tried her best to not rush me but I could tell something was up.
"What are you on?" I asked once we got back outside. "Nevermind, let's just go get this ice cream."
She marched to her bike. "You're not going to want any after I show you what I have to show you."
My eyes narrowed. "What is it?"
"Not here," She rolled her eyes. She kicked her bike to life. "Follow me."
I rode after until we were in view of the Delinquent Clubhouse. We stopped across the street. "Alright, what gives?"
"You're not gonna like it." She reached from inside her back pocket and pulled out a picture, then held it up.
I took it in my hands because I was in need of getting glasses. "What's this suppo-" Words no longer were able to fall from my mouth. Or rather I couldn't form actual coherent words. In my hand, there was a picture of Lexa taken with her arm around Raven with the two of them smiling. Raven wore another variation of the clothes Clarke had lent her.
My brain didn't compute it at first. So I stared until it made sense. They knew each other. They were close. There was only one logical conclusion to jump to; Raven was a Nightblood sent here as a spy. My initial suspicion was true.
My hand crumbled around the photo. I pocketed it, pumped by bike to start, and I was on the other side before I knew it.
"Hey, hey, hey," Octavia tried to stop me from going inside like this. "You don't know what's going on,"
I pushed her off. "I'll get to the bottom of it," I opened the door with more force than necessary.
Octavia followed me into my room while I searched for my gun in my dresser drawer. "Just let her explain before you do anything." She quietly begged.
The leaking had stopped, the bucket was out of sight, and my bed was moved back into its original place.
I tucked the gun in the back of my pants and headed for the door.
Miller was the first person that I saw.
"Where's Raven?"
"Out back, working on your old man's car."
His words also didn't compute fast enough.
"I'm sorry, she's what?"
He repeated himself. "She said you gave her the go ahead last night."
Had I really trusted her enough to tell her about my Dad, let alone give her permission to touch the car he gave me? Jokes on me, huh.
"Murphy," Octavia called when I headed out that.
"Leave it alone," I demanded.
She didn't follow.
As Miller said, Raven was underneath the hood of the car working away like a natural grease monkey.
I shut the door behind me and locked it.
She glanced up at the noise of my arrival. "Making progress here."
I pulled the gun out as I approached her with fire in my veins. Then I cocked it at her as she rose. "Give me a reason to not pull the trigger. Please."
RAVEN'S POV:
He knew. How'd he know? Did Lexa sell me out when she figured out I was really going to run?
"I can explain," I stood up too fast.
The gun followed me. My heart raced not from the weapon that could end my life but form the fact that he no doubt saw me a traitor, as someone that could not be trusted.
"Can you?" His brow arched in disbelief, but also in a desperate hope that I wasn't involved in this.
We stared at each other.
My hands raised slowly in the air with a guilty weight. "It's not what you think, Murphy."
"So you're not here as a spy for Lexa?"
I paused. "Yes, but it's not like that."
His eyes wildened. "How is it not like that? You used me, Raven. You manipulated all of us." He angrily whispered at me, which was harsher than a scream for some reason. But he made it a point to not have the others hear us so what did that mean?
"Put the gun down and we can talk," I said cautiously.
His head cocked to the side. He stowed the gun, but then slammed me against the wall. His thick hand wrapped around my neck tight enough for me to feel it. "Talk or so help me you will regret ever walking through that door," His breath fanned across my face.
The horndog demon in me stirred.
My heart pounded erratically in his chest. "The truth is that I was sent her to get intel about whether or not the deal that Octavia brokered with Titus was real peace."
"Why you?" His mouth was an inch away from mine.
"Because I'm a Prospect." I hesitated to release the next bit of information, but if I didn't he'd have no reason to not make good on his moral dilemma. A brave breath passed my deceitful lips. "A few months ago I did some digging about my birth family. I found who they were, what they did for a living, where they lived. Even if they didn't want me then I figured they might want to get to know me now. Only when I showed up Lexa answered the door. They were gone and buried. She was all there was. So I stuck around."
His body was so hot with rage. I shouldn't have found that hot but here I was bubbling over. My pussy tingled in anticipation even though my mind knew it wasn't the right time.
I could see things start to fall into place for him before I could confess the rest. He was smart like that. Or maybe it was that he saw me clearly. Now it was like he stared into a void when he looked at me. I hated that feeling.
"I went along with the whole thing because I wanted a family for once." I admitted. "Then I got here...And I found you." My emotions rumbled in my chest. I prayed that I wouldn't cry in front of him. "And you weren't the enemy I imagined." My eyes fell to his lips while I took a breath in. "I thought I could do it for Lexa, for the Nightbloods, and for me but I couldn't. You were so nice to me. I liked being around you," My eyes stared back into his.
He stood there with hard eyes and a clenched jaw.
"So I tried to run before I ruined everything, before I ruined you." I noticed his hold loosened. "I never meant to hurt you, John."
He recoiled. "Don't," He got in my face. "You don't get to call me that."
"I'm telling you the truth," It almost came out like a beg for him to believe me, a beg for something more. "That's why I tried to leave but you made me stay."
He looked at me in disgust but he was growing harder against me by the second. "Don't put this on me."
My head shook. "I'm not," I wanted to rub up against him so badly it hurt.
A humorless laugh left him when his eyes met mine. "You didn't just hurt me, Raven. You let me down."
I was disappointed in myself so that wasn't new. A simple sorry wouldn't do but I still had to say it.
"For what it's worth, I'm sorry I hurt you."
He looked like he was at war with himself.
This was why I wanted to run. I'd done it again. I messed everything up. He so obviously cared about me and he got hurt.
"Make it quick if you're going to kill me." I braced myself.
Growing up like I did, I never thought I'd have a happy ending. Or a long life. I projected by my forties I'd be on hardcore drugs to numb the pain of being alive everyday. So a quick death was probably putting me out of my mercy. Nice things would never be a Raven Reyes thing. So why had I deluded myself into thinking that I'd have a chance with John Murphy?
His eyes snapped to mine. "Kill you? I'm not going to kill you."
"But you said..."
His jaw clenched, he pushed himself off of me. "I couldn't kill you even if I wanted to." He stared me deep into my soul. "You know that."
And I did actually. Despite my initial fear, I knew deep down he wouldn't do a thing to harm me.
I walked toward him with wanting hips. "Are you going to tell Bellamy?" I asked on bated breath.
He went silent for several moments, then answered, "If I did you wouldn't live to see the end of the day," He stared at me.
Could he tell that I wanted him to bend me over on any surface and punish me?
His eyes raked over my body, he swallowed the lump in his throat, then turned toward the car. "Did I really tell you about this car last night?"
I nodded. I bit into my lip innocently but when I locked eyes with him I caught him staring at them. "Yes. You said you trusted me to fix it. Maybe you don't trust me anymore, I deserve that. Just let me finish the fix. It's the only thing I can do to help right now." I hadn't meant for it to come out brutally honest with my heart on my sleeve but it had and the way he stared at me made me think he realized it too.
"When you're done come find me in my office."
A ruler spanking scenario played out in my mind but I doubted that was what he wanted to discuss.
A/N: Thoughts? Hate it? Love it? It's okay? Do you like Moctavia friendship? How do you feel about Lexa? I'll have to edit this later (yall know I'm bad at it lol) I've got a huge headache and I need a mini nap before my friends come over to catch up on season four The 100.
If you don't know, I have more Murven/Bellarke fics, even a Bellarke and Moctavia fic from some years ago. My Murven/Bellarke fic are Animal I've Become, If We Don't Leave This Town (highly recommended lol), Don't Let Me Go, and Why Don't You Be You And I'll Be Me. If We Don't Leave This Town is the only one that's majorly Murven developed. The Start of Something Good has a bunch of chapters and is the Moctavia/Bellarke fic.
