Part Three - Heaven
"The truth runs wild, Like the rain to the sea. Trying to set straight the lines that I trace, To find some relief.
This voice inside, Has been eating at me..." ~ Troye Savin ft. Betty Who
He often replayed those years at school. He wish he could've changed who he was. Wish that he had more time with her. She made him a better person, he can say that now that he is older. Her presence made him question his family's traditions, made him question his loyalties. He spent his days now recalling those brief moments they had, and the night they made love. That night would forever be the second best night of his life. It's been many years that he's had this ache inside him that he couldn't quite get rid of. The constant reminder of what he'd lost.
When she died he was sure he would too. He was sure that without her, there was no reason for him to exist. The images of war would forever be burned into his mind. He'd always recall the way his aunt tortured and then killed the woman he loved, he wanted to rescue her, he truly did. But, he was a coward. He'd have to live with that for the rest of his life. He could've saved her, he didn't. He watched her die at the hands of Bellatrix Lestrange. Watched the light leave her eyes, saw the pain and sadness behind them. It wasn't till later that he understood the sadness. He discovered the secret she hid, and he understood why she had kept it from him. She was not only protecting their child, she was also protecting herself, and him. He knew that he would've been a coward and walked away. And if his father, or family ever found out they'd surely kill her and their child. She died before she could tell him, before she could hold their child again.
Since her death, he'd often find himself at her grave, just talking to her the way he did that night. He'd tell her about his days, tell her how much he missed her, and how much he wanted to have time with her. He also apologised for his mistakes, asking her for forgiveness. He knew that if she could talk to him, she'd tell him she's forgiven him. He just knew that it would be what she'd say. Her soul was beautiful after all. He also told her that she had blessed him with the best gift that life had to offer. He recalled the best moment of his life, and it was when he met Madelyn. The night Potter showed up with her in his arms, handing her to him with a letter, he felt pure sorrow and joy. It's been many years since that night Madelyn came into his life, and many years since her mother died.
He'd read her letter over and over, the words bringing him to his knees. Every day he missed her more than he thought he could. He never realised just how deeply they were connected. He was sure a part of him died that day with her. Some days he blamed himself. She was the price he had to pay for being who he was all those years ago. His days and nights were often haunted by his errors. Yet, Madelyn loved him unconditionally, and he loved her. Her love is what saved him. He had this feeling that the only reason Potter trusted him with Madelyn, was because Potter sensed that without purpose he would've lost his way. So, he made sure Madelyn knew exactly how much he loved her, and how much she meant to him.
Now, he only had to look at the one thing that made losing her bearable. Their daughter, Madelyn. She was the spitting image of him, but in so many ways she was just like her mother. Madelyn was insufferably smart and brave. She was loyal to a fault, and it worried him. But he knew that her mother would have been so proud of her. He watched Madelyn grow into the woman he knew her mother would've been at this age. He could never repay fate for giving him this precious gift. Yes he lost the woman he loved, but he was given a piece of her to hold on to for life. Madelyn often asked him to tell her stories of her mother. He told her all the reasons he fell in love with her. As she got older he told her of his flaws, and that her mother loved him regardless of the fact that he often made her life hell. He shared her letter with Madelyn on her sixteenth birthday. He and Madelyn cried for what they have lost, but were grateful for what they had.
Twenty years later, he understood the love he had for her. She came into his life at a time when he needed her the most. He wished it could've been different. He wished she was here with him and Madelyn, but she couldn't be. In her letter she declared her love for him, she apologised for not telling him about Madelyn. She told him that every time she felt Madelyn kick, it was because he was near her. She said that she understood that his family might never allow them to be a family. She just wanted him to love Madelyn the way she deserved to be loved. He often recalled her laugh, the moments they shared that night so many years ago. He recalled the way she made him feel, and the way she let him lose himself in her. She would forever be the one that he loved.
