P R O S P E C T S
A N D
U P S W I N G S
Kaya liked to think that she was an optimist.
Before the negative side of an equation, she saw the positive one. Constantly in denial of the ugly truth and always wanting to find a way out of a problem the easiest she could possibly muster.
It was like looking forward to the rainbow after the rain, she thinks, after a weeping comes a blast of colors. It was the shaky laughs upon slowly cracking ice, the new life left behind in the rear of every denouement; the twinkle of the eyes in the wake of a storm.
You had to keep believing that apart every catastrophes there lied a silver lining. To be able to make mistakes but still saw the best in every fault. For you can soak your gold in bronze, yet can only bargain for a silver. A mistake cannot be undone but it can be made better. And Kaya drenched her memories with black ink, so one cannot expect it to blossom with the same hues under the obsidian. The ink may subside, though everything will remain as tainted.
Her life wasn't drenched in starless colors drifting onward moon kissed lakes. Sure, her parents left her at an early age, in naivety, to watch in sorrow as she crumbles apart reality, but she was still a child — almost a girl with no proper recollection. She had to admit that all she had now were glimpses of the past, a flicker of mix tapes running through her mind put on a never-ending repeat. It didn't matter. What cut the ice was that she remembered who she was, and maybe, who she will be. To compare her exigency with a painted portrait was ludicrous for she was an empty girl represented by a besmirched canvas. It had blotches of ink adorned to its exterior for the whole world to see all the wrong paths she took; a speck for a slipup and a splatter for a misstep.
She stared off the window, underneath the thin layer of smoke revealed a dreamy look washing her face. A soft whisper graced her ears with a fluid melody of stiff silence caught in a dutifully arranged array of cobwebs, strained enough to remind her of the sore, burning sensation upon her thorax. Her eyes tired itself in time in a jaded fashion, the seemingly punched magenta cast of her orbs withheld from seeing more than it could take.
She did not need to mind the ruckus going on the store she owned, for all she had to care about was here. In this moment — herself. The blunt hush of her lips provided her the freedom to speak her thoughts, unlike the rest of her life being cloaked under a ghostly knot, her voice paraded over a string of involuntary silence.
So Kaya remained there, sitting still, hearing only the words of the world she wanted to hear and see. If she only saw the terrene in a light of glitter pecked galaxies, then there was not a single chance that she would ever find herself dispirited for she crumbled at the sight of destruction, unprepared and only armed with a weak-willed belief.
At least, in a setup like this, she could keep her heart safe.
- - -
The clank of the coins encompassed the vicinity, it being the only tangible noise after the strangely excruciating beeps of the machine in a feeble attempt to recognize the designated tariff of the products adjacent the counter.
"Here's your change, ma'am," said Kaya, a smile temporarily gracing her features.
"Ah, thank you." responded the customer, which Kaya had seen for about three times counting the last week. She only nodded curtly after her, readjusting the cap on her head.
Beneath the counter, Kaya's pale fingers played around with the cigarette in her possession. Amidst the frigid air, only the faint heat of the lit up cigar kept her fingertips from freezing fully. Perhaps someone from the staff set the temperature on the air-conditioner awfully low. If it carried out this way, Kaya would find herself partially immobilized by the tips and toes, therefore being incapable of scanning and handing out changes or even reaching out for the given bill. Generally, she won't be able to work efficiently. A sigh escaped her almost ashen blue tinted lips, the bottom quivering ever so slightly from the cold.
She tugged her hoodie's sleeves further downward, in an attempt to relieve some of the cutting sensation. Even in the morning she had felt how unusually crisp it was, seeing as she replaced the chronic uniform of Yoake's with a warm long-sleeved fabric. The weather was still somehow arctic and in no way humid, unlike some days, she noted. With that information, she increased the air-conditioner's temperature by about nine degrees, having it at twenty five. She still had to wait for the chill to subside, but it was far better than having to stand with tottering knees as the heat continued to fade. The piece of tobacco was placid between her fingers and unable to resist she took a small puff.
A curse settled itself at the corners of her mouth and with the lids of her eyes almost closed, she crushed the minimal source of heat and threw it into the trash bin, cracking a small smile in the process.
Feeling an unfamiliar reek of satisfaction and contradictorily regret, she paused in her strides to mull in silence. Of course she felt satisifed to have had enough will-power to get rid of the cigarette, but no doubt she felt an ominous regret crawling up her throat. It missed the sensibility it brought upon her rose-colored lungs, however destructive it was to the blossoms. But to regret was one thing; to give in was another.
And she wasn't going to do that.
A grimace afterward, she kept fumbling with work. She still had a few hours to cover.
The sun slowly faded into the background by noon. Kaya had passed the store responsibility to Pogako, as she saw that he needed the rightful distraction. If he thought he didn't need a self-evaluation before continuing with his life, she would not bother convincing him to just lay low. She had enough of snooping into other people's businesses and privacy. She didn't know anyone better than themselves, no one actually did and that precisely is why we do not have a free-way ticket to decide how one had to live their life.
The plum toned neon sign of Yoake complimented Kaya's hair rather well. It was only then that she realized it was already past seven in the evening, as the street lights were getting lit up one after another.
Her eyes caught a cluster of blonde hair apart the semi crowded alleyway.
"Katsuki-chan, nice seeing you this fine day or shall I say night?" chimed Kaya in a closed-eye smile which Katsuki did not return. He merely scoffed and threw another cheap jab back.
"Can't believe you can see me under that shit ton of hair in front of your face,"
"Aw, is that your way of telling me to tuck my hair prettily behind my ears?"
"Just tuck your hair, there's no 'prettily'."
"Shush you still cared about my hair dear friend."
Katsuki pretended to gag at the mention of friend. Kaya cocked an eyebrow to this and thought that no, he didn't just do that because oh boy, she had dirt to contradict that pseudo gag.
Smugly, Kaya added, "You might have forgotten but you dropped the F-word exactly four days ago and I can quote what you said, even."
"The F — F what?" he questioned, a poorly masked confusion gracing his features as it subsided, his face slowly indicating that he got the point. Friends.
But as soon as he got it, he bolted straight inside Yoake to buy perhaps, if Kaya dared guess, a cup of Extra Hot ramen. How the disgust, in a cute way she had no idea how he mustered, was painfully laughable. His face wasn't flushed from silly embarrassment alone of course, she knew most of it stemmed from annoyance and anger thrown into a mix.
Katsuki got out the store and sat across her grumpily, and a smile settled itself on Kaya's face again.
"You didn't deny the F-word."
In his naturally hoarse voice Katsuki responded, "There's nothing to deny."
A grin broke out in Kaya's face afterwards.
