B R I D L E S

A N D

P A C T S

At night, Kaya found herself alone with only a cigarette as a company.

Yoake was already closed and she was, as always, just gazing out the window chanting in her head that no, no, no, she's not going to go back to smoking, that she can't— can't pick that stick up— because she promised, didn't she so no, no— and everything hurt. Her heart hurt and she didn't know why, but her lungs crave something and she knew perfectly what it was but she couldn't do that, right? Today was great, nothing went too wrong with exception of the heater which would be fixed tomorrow soon so that's not a problem — that's not what makes everything so heavy and sad and suffocating.

Suffocating.

Maybe that was it.

Maybe Kaya was suffocating, that she's out of air and that's what her rose-colored lungs wanted because now it's just a garden of thorns devoid of air and what was its air? It was the smoke, the same smoke she vowed to herself she would never inhale but can she live without her air, can her lungs even survive so long before it starts giving up on her, before she starts giving up on herself? No, no of course she can't; Kaya has already established that she's not that strong that she can't take everything head-on because she always runs from her problems though right now she can only run so far before her legs felt like they were crippled, before her feet stops taking its steps, before her toes start curling from fatigue and before she, eventually, just runs out of breath, of air.

But could that lone cigarette even save her from her inner battles? Something inside herself screamed yesyesyes just take it and feel it and do it, you fucking coward even if it was so wrong — felt so wrong. Though who could decide what was wrong and what was right? Her morals wasn't God, it wasn't her, and it was slowly dropping, slowly disappearing, leading Kaya to the path where she could save herself (could she?) and her hollow heart.

So maybe just one smoke wouldn't hurt. Maybe just... one cigarette and yes— it didn't hurt, Kaya breathes in relief, as there was now a cigarette pressed between her lips and the smoke— her own air blew the thorns out and roses started blooming again in her lungs and it felt so incredible. Cages started cracking, chains started breaking, walls started crumbling, her breath started stabling and her heart started throbbing (she was alive again). Everything was in order, the clogs were now placed where they should be and Kaya felt so free— too free.

And all became unchained, as well as her tears.

- - -

Kaya stared at the chime by Yoake's doors.

She watched as it swayed, her gaze following. She stayed there as it sang a tune she can't quite place, and she thought of how it was all too peaceful.

Pogako was away; still, Jinks and Yoru, her only remaining employees were left in charge of the stock and Kaya was, as always, on the counter, a fixed smile stretched on her face so much that it didn't feel quite true. After all, when was it ever?

Kaya understood Pogako needed as much time as he could get, she suggested it anyway, and she was not going to take it back now. The three of them could handle Yoake by themselves, thank you very much. Kaya's been handling it for almost eight years, and back then she only had perhaps one man to help and she did the rest by herself when she started turning double digits. She added the extra help later on, and while it made things loads easier, she still knew how it felt to work with only a limited supply of aid.

The heater was working wonderfully now too, and Katsuki wouldn't have anything to be annoyed of. With the exception of him bugging Kaya about what she did yesterday, though, of course. Like she'll ever tell him, Kaya chuckled to herself.

"You're going batshit crazy, woman."

Kaya halted her half-chuckle to face Katsuki there, already holding a cup of extra hot ramen in his hands, and Kaya wondered how the hell she did not hear him entering. That was weird in all sense, because she can perfectly hear the chime and the customer's footsteps every time. She did it this day, too, excuse you, even when distracted. But Katsuki was already odd himself, so she let it slide.

"What's wrong with laughing while you're alone?" Kaya shot back, doing a theatrical gasp to emphasize the fact that she was offended, even if it was kind of fake, anyway.

"It's you, so of course it's wrong." Katsuki scoffed and this time Kaya did a genuine indignant offended sound because what does that even mean? She was normal by her standards. And if she was by Kaya's standards alone, then what of Katsuki's?

Kaya shoved the ramen in his face after he had paid for that comment of his, and he just snickered while taking his seat. Kaya rolled her eyes at that.

And they fell into a comfortable silence.

Kaya was back to staring at the wind chime again. Following its sway, its movements, all full of grace. She was by no means graceful, no, but she wasn't very brash herself. She'd go as far as saying that temperament of hers was balanced, in a way.

Kaya was never too laid-back or too angry. At times, she felt content watching from the sidelines and her problems were simply cast aside with her thinking that 'it'll be fine' when of course it wouldn't be but she did not reach the level of calmness that soothes her soul; and she couldn't find herself furious enough to feel her bones set aflame and her vision clouded of red. Neutral and normal — she always repeated over and over. It was a reminder she was human, wasn't it?

The lilac haired teen reached for her pocket and lit up a cigarette, forgetting someone was there with her. All she thought of was that she needed to clear her mind and that she was in control (wasn't she?) of her choices. Katsuki blinked at her direction, finding it somewhat.. odd that she started her habit again.

"You're smoking that fucking stick again?"

Kaya snapped back quickly as she registered Katsuki's voice, "It's a cigarette and not a 'fucking stick' as you so eloquently put it, Katsuki-chan. And yes, I am."

Katsuki grunted, "I don't care what it's called. Cigarette is a mouthful."

"Sure," Kaya dismissed easily, taking off Yoake's cap to shuffle her hair back to place. That's when she noticed that the cap, when placed on Katsuki in her mind, was actually rather fascinating to imagine. And Kaya would definitely like to see Katsuki in a Yoake uniform, "Hey, Katsuki-chan?"

"Wha'?" He drawled out, still focused on his ramen.

"What do you say about being about being a part-time helper at Yoake?"

There was a pause as Katsuki blinked at her, bemused.

"I say a huge fucking no."

"Oh c'mon! It'll be great!"

"I'll be training so I have no time for this shit."

Kaya was already through that, "That's why it's part-time, yeah? Like just sub with me for some hours or something. I'll pay you."

"No."

"I'll tell you how I did that thing with the ramen yesterday. After the temporary part-time."

Katsuki halted then, now considering the offer. He still seemed unconvinced to Kaya, though, so she cut him off on whatever he was supposed to say next.

"And free ramen. All done."

Katsuki squinted his eyes briefly and clicked his tongue, "Fine."

Kaya grinned at that. Of course — she wouldn't tell Katsuki he needed to wear the uniform. It was a story for another day.

Then Kaya took in a breath, rejoicing on the fact that the thorns she had felt were gone in her lungs, replaced by the ever needed air she eventually had provided.

- - -

to Tora3, would love to say we all want spicy ramen but i sadly don't — to DreamsOfTheDamn, she is, isn't she? kaya is such a cinnamon roll — to Guest, thank you sm!

(and to all, thanks for the reviews!)