A C U M E N S

A N D

F L A W S

There was a reason behind everyone's names.

Kaya knew hers well.

The people who called her Kaya, they were most probably good friends, best, even; those who used Kaya-san would be those who liked it better formal — and Kaya-chan was for assholes like Katou and some of her employees. (Honestly, they say 'Kaya-chan' like it's some kind of insult.) And then, 'woman' was probably only for Katsuki. Throw in some other.. well, unpleasant words there too.

Mei — Mei was for the past. It was a name long forgotten, a name Kaya didn't want to be remembered by. Much less even called by. And when.. and when that woman — her.. her mother — had uttered it (one last time), Kaya felt something in her shatter. Something was let loose, a feeling, an emotion, whatever it was, she didn't know. And she didn't want to.

Kaya never thought she would be able to hear that name fall from her lips again, after all. It made her laugh bitterly from all the irony; she had wanted her parents back once upon a time, didn't she? Well, it was only once – upon – a – time. Not anymore.

Was she selfish? Yes. Was she inconsiderate? Of course. Kaya didn't ask for Missa's explanation. Missa never offered. Kaya never wanted to know. She had a feeling it'll only put more strain in their situation; she couldn't exactly call it a relationship, considering now, and perhaps they were both at fault. Perhaps they were both selfish, inconsiderate people that understood each other too well that they didn't feel the need of having to know what they already do.

But what could she do? It's been done. It's funny how a mere name managed to ruin every reassurance Kaya made for herself all these years. She didn't want to think she was unwanted again — no, not ever — yet there she was; clinging to a hope she knew was far too lost and loose for her to keep.

Smile, Kaya said to herself that day, smile, the weather's nice, see? Something to smile for, apparently. Scoffing, she puffed a smoke, disregarding the obvious hypocrisy she was doing to her 'no smoking' sign against Yoake's walls. But still — Kaya gathered her thoughts, ignoring the scratching of her throat — Smile, little sunshine.

So she did. Kaya put on a nice, cordial smile and went on for the rest of the day.

The stretch was hard to mantain.

- - -

Kaya found herself ditching store work more often than usual.

Normally, it would take an unhealthy amount of cigarettes and stupidly stubborn people for her to even consider getting out of Yoake and wandering off on her own. But now she felt the need to take breaks. To not haul herself up in the same place all afternoon. To feel what it was like being surrounded by the things she had so actively avoided before. Don't get her wrong, though, Yoake's still a safe place, a refuge and her definite home (always), but sometimes it was always the same faces, the same voices, the same surroundings and it made her sick. Guilty and sad and abhorring.

The Quill looked the same. Everytime she comes by, it's still that shade of pink and it's comforting to see something steady. Something that Kaya's not so tired of seeing. But one day, she knows, she'll get tired of looking at the coffee shop, that one day she'll find it all too much.

But luckily for her, that day hasn't arrived yet.

Kaya entered the café, a sight of Katou serving customers with his usual fake, staged smile greeting her. It wasn't new, and thank God for that, but it looked much wearier. Kaya had spent too much time with the cobalt-haired man to not notice the slight changes of his mannerisms.

She'd question him about it later, because she noticed that Pogako was not in the area.

As she sat down, an all too familiar finger flicked her forehead. When she glanced up, Katou was there, staring her down and frowning, and she wondered how the hell he managed to get to her table so quickly when he was just over another, like, seconds ago, "Ah-ah, Kaya-chan. Why are you here again instead of working?"

"I've got a better one. Why are you here giving bullshit smiles instead of flirting with Po-san?"

"It's part of my job description, and I, have to like, you know, work for a living. And I do not flirt with Pogako, I'm too classy for that."

"You're too classy for anything, apparently, Tou-san."

"Katou."

Kaya thought the banter was fun, but, "Joking aside, though, where's Po-san? It's around lunch and he should be here, yanno?"

Katou wished he hadn't heard Kaya then. He took in a sharp breath, far too sharp, and spoke.

"... He told me he saw Amira. Yesterday."

Kaya blinked. Twice.

And the words felt like dread crawled up her skin.

"Where?"

Katou closed his eyes.

"A brothel."

A fucking brothel.

Kaya had outright gaped, that moment, when Katou had told her that — because... because it was Amira! Ami, who couldn't even stand the mention of sex and anything related to the private sections of a human's anatomy, at... at a brothel.

Why had everything gone so wrong too soon?

She wished she hadn't even asked.

- - -

Kaya needed to sleep a day off.

Maybe it would make up for lost time, for everything that had happened. Maybe when she wakes up, everything's alright. Yoake's complete, Katou's fake smiles actually would seem real, ignoring the irony of it all, and Katsuki there to bright and spice everything up, quite literally.

Maybe she was a bit too naïve to think that.

"Why's it that whenever I come you're always looking like utter shit?"

See? Bright and spice everything up indeed.

"Utter shit is a matter of perspective. I think I look gorgeous."

"Your thoughts lie."

Kaya shrugged, "A lie is subjective."

Katsuki just grumbled, and when Kaya's hands went up her head to fumble with Yoake's cap, he caught something glinting and flinched.

"Why the fuck are you wearing that?"

Kaya looked confused, at first, but when she looked down her fingers and saw a simple charcoal ring on one of it, she smiled smugly, "Oh. Totally forgot that was even there. Whaddya mean? You gave this to me yesterday as a present and you're asking me why I'm wearing it? Also, the gift was really, really, sweet. Bonus pay for you!"

Katsuki nodded with a scrunched up expression that was so confused as if he actually believed you should question why exactly a person is wearing what you gave them.

Kaya found it funny, because she just knew that he probably didn't even think about giving her a proper present and only took the easiest and smallest thing to wrap and finish. When she opened Katsuki's gift yesterday, after all, she didn't expect an ebony ring that was a little too big for her — but still fit her middle finger — so she knew it wasn't really made nor picked for her specifically, and seeing as it had a letter engraved on the inside of the ring that was definitely not her initials, that he just picked it up from home and tossed it in a box with a wrapper. Kaya appreciated the effort.

"I just found the ring scattered on our living room and it was taking too much damn space, anyway!"

"Of course. A ring not bigger than your hand took up too much space. Oh, the horror!"

"Shut the fuck up, woman."

Kaya cackled, "How'd you even know it was my birthday that day anyway?"

"I didn't — until that fucking poster outside this store told me they had this promo for the 'awesome owner's birthday today' —" Katsuki seemed like he actually rolled his eyes at this, "— shit poster, by the way."

"Ah, so you picked up the first thing you found and gave it a half-decent wrap in such a hurry for little 'ol me? Aw, Katsuki-chan, you do care!"

"Will you just shut up — I expect a goddamn raise for that ring!"

"A raise. A raise in my 'nice people' list. Sure."

"Anything that comes out of your mouth is shit."

Kaya knew that, of course!

"I know how you can pay me back!"

"Why am I the one paying you back, asshole?!"

But Kaya didn't hear his complaints that time, like every other time, really, and smiled — like she had figured something out and like everything would work out once this was done. Because maybe, just maybe, if he said that name it would... have another meaning, "Y'know I used to be called Mei or Sei when I was a kid. You just gotta say that for a raise!"

Katsuki looked extremely bemused, "As a kid? What the fuck are you now?"

"Well. A kid like a kid with... parents. Or something."

And they both suddenly felt uncomfortable with the conversation's sudden turn.

"Or something."

Kaya just nodded.

It seemed like she had a gift for making the easiest going conversations depressing.

"Mei," Katsuki suddenly spoke, but it didn't feel right, "Sei," he tried another and it felt all foreign on his tongue but not the good type; it was like telling her she was someone she wasn't and it felt so, so wrong, "They're all fucking weird."

Kaya, despite the nervous ticking of her chest, chuckled, "You tell me."

Katsuki closed his eyes and dipped his head slightly (and why was he even saying all this?), "Kaya." yeah — that.. that felt right, didn't it? "I guess I like that better," he mumbles, though Kaya hears it, "Kaya." he repeated, like a whisper through a song and Kaya feels her heart drumming against her chest, her ribcage feels so much tighter and the breaths she took became so much heavier and everything — everything feels so, so right and she should be happy, she is, and it's great and Katsuki's so wonderful (so does she even deserve him?) it feels like a dream, but please, please don't wake her up just yet.

Maybe some time after this feeling rides away free from her chest. Maybe that time she'll be able to let it go.

And Kaya wonders just how they ended up there.

"I think I'll stick with woman. Everything else's a fucking hassle. I expect my raise too, dipshit."

Kaya just smiled in response because she's still hung up with everything that just happened and she didn't understand.

The sudden wave of joy that surged through her that moment felt shallow but it felt just right. And how does that even make sense, after everything? After he had only uttered names long forgotten?

There was a reason behind everyone's names, after all.

And maybe Kaya really knows hers now.

Because the reason behind hers was that it spoke of everything that she is.

- - -

a / n ; brothel is a nicer? non-explicit? term for a whorehouse.ta-da~ what the fuck, right? hm, so there goes amira, then there goes kaya's confusion about everything i don't even know what she's supposed to feel or what i did, but hey! some development. i think? or maybe i'm just becoming a little too bold.

ALSO, forgot to say a couple times that i put up an aomine/oc fic i had here, some hxh oneshots and drabbles, if you want to check out something brief.

thank you all so much for favoriting and following!! extra for those who bothered writing down a review — like, you actually bothered to type something. shush, that's awesome!