2.4 School Reunion
Rose gave Mickey a tour of the TARDIS, but her heart wasn't in it. He was exuberant, excited by each increasingly unlikely room, and under different circumstances, Rose might have enjoyed showing off her world to him. Today though…
She'd known that the Doctor had travelled with others before her, of course. He'd mentioned it in passing, once upon a time, early on in their travels when he was all big ears and leather and she wasn't yet hopelessly in love with him. She'd allowed herself to forget, though, letting the fact fade into the background like she did anything that reminded her of just how alien he was; how long he'd lived. Nine hundred years. Somehow she hadn't really thought about what that meant — not in terms of the past, but in terms of the future. Who knew how long a Time Lord's lifespan lasted? She'd never asked. Possibly she hadn't wanted to know.
And those nameless, faceless people he'd travelled with before. Had they been lovers as well? When and how had they left? Were they all like Sarah Jane, unceremoniously dumped off in Aberdeen? Had they asked to go home?
Had they died?
You can spend your whole life with me, but I can't spend mine with you.
Humans decay. You wither, and you die. Imagine watching that happen to someone that you…
The pain in his voice had been unfathomable.
They needed to talk. She needed to know what her future held, what his future held. Was she hurting him by staying? Was it really better to have loved and lost? Was it, even when you lost over, and over, and over again? What would happen when she got old, when she could no longer run for her life? What would happen to him when she was gone?
"Rose? Rose! Earth to Rose!" Mickey was waving a hand in front of her face, and she had the impression that he'd been trying to get her attention for awhile.
Rose inhaled sharply and shook her head a little to clear it. "Sorry! What were you saying?"
"Nevermind," Mickey replied, exasperated. "Even after all that, seeing what's he's like, he's all you can think about, isn't he?"
"Mickey…" Rose began apologetically.
"It's fine," Mickey answered quickly. "Don't know why I would've expected different. It's just…" he looked pained. "You SAW Sarah Jane, Rose. You heard what she said. He just left her behind, like she was nothing. When's that gonna be you, huh? You put your life on the line for him. You gave up everything, left me and your mum, and for what? To get ditched on a corner when he gets bored?"
"It's not like that," Rose protested. Mickey rolled his eyes. "It's not! He said he wouldn't do that to me."
"Yeah, okay," Mickey scoffed.
"He won't," Rose said resolutely. "And even if he did… what am I gonna do about it, huh? Leave now? Go back to mum's? Work at a shop? I can't do it Mickey. I just can't. You know I can't." Rose pressed her lips together and tilted her head back, trying to stave off the tears that were threatening at the corners of her eyes. She sniffed. "So I'm staying, yeah? I'm staying as long as he'll let me, and I'm taking whatever he'll give, because it's worth it. He's worth it."
"And I wasn't." Mickey stated, his voice flat.
Rose wiped at her eyes and buried her face in her hands for a moment, and then looked back up at him, her eyes pleading. "I'm sorry, Micks," she said quietly.
"Yeah." They stood in awkward silence. Finally, Mickey spoke again. "I'm gonna go settle in. I'll see you tomorrow."
"Yeah, okay. Goodnight, Mickey," Rose answered, her voice slightly shaky. Mickey waved at her noncommittally as he walked away, his back stiff.
"You alright?" came a voice from behind her.
Rose wiped her face and turned to face the Doctor, who was leaning against the wall, hands in the pockets of his long coat. "Yeah, 'course," she responded, trying to make her voice lighter. She didn't succeed.
"Rose," he said, his tone making it clear that he knew she was lying.
"Why'd you invite him along?" She asked the Doctor, picking not the subject that was bothering her most, but instead something a little more tangible.
"He asked," the Doctor replied with a shrug.
"He's my ex," Rose said with exasperation. "My ex that I left for you, I might add."
"You wanted to invite my ex," he protested. "Well, more or less anyway. Ex-assistant."
Rose gave him an assessing look. "So you and she weren't…" she raised her eyebrows at him meaningfully.
"No," he stated firmly, shaking his head slightly and holding her gaze. "No, we weren't. I told you before that I've travelled with a lot of people, but I've never…" he trailed off, looking awkward.
"What, never? Really?" Rose looked at him disbelievingly.
"Really," The Doctor confirmed.
"But you… you said you'd danced! And it certainly didn't seem like you'd never…"
"What? NO! No no no. That was NOT what I meant." The Doctor looked insulted but he was also blushing. "I meant not with anyone I travelled with. And not with a human."
"Oh," Rose replied. She paused for a moment. Then, "Why?" she found herself asking.
The Doctor shrugged. "It wasn't really done. Time Lords weren't much for… mingling… with other species. It never really occurred to me, honestly."
"So if they were still around, would you and I…?"
"Ahhhh, well," the Doctor said, smiling a little sadly, and gazing up at the ceiling "I always was a bit of a rebel. I suspect I wouldn't have cared much about their rules when it came to you." He glanced back down at her and then looked away again. His words should have been reassuring, but the way that he wouldn't meet her eye was making Rose nervous. There was an awkward pause, and then, apropos of nothing, the Doctor said "I thought it might help, to have him along."
"Help… what?" Rose was thrown by the rapid topic switch.
"Having another human here. Someone you… care about. I thought it might…" The Doctor looked awkward.
Rose felt a lurch in her stomach. Something was wrong. What was going on?
"Doctor, are you… are we… is everything okay?"
The Doctor sighed and ran a hand over his face. He looked like he was at a complete loss, and it made Rose's heart ache. She reached for him, but he stepped back and then took a breath and pasted his manic smile onto his face, although it didn't reflect in his eyes. It felt as though a door inside of him had just shut. "Fine! Everything's fine," the Doctor said, in a way that seemed like it was intended to reassure her, but actually just made her more nervous. "I just… have some work to do. On the TARDIS. Why don't you go get some rest? We'll take Mr. Mickey on a proper adventure tomorrow, someplace properly… spacey."
"...okay…" Rose answered uncertainly. With a nod, the Doctor spun in his heel and walked back toward the console room. Rose stood in the hall, not entirely sure what had just happened, but somehow suspecting that everything between them had just changed. She just wasn't sure how, or why.
