I See Red
Chapter 5: Red Pizza
To his surprise, at around lunch time, he received a message from an unknown number.
Sadist 2 PM Soyo-chans hous bring snaks
Study grp
That's right—he never asked for China's email, huh? He wondered how she got his. He blinked at his screen dully and replied,
Go bring the Mayora or something. How'd you get my email?
Mayora. Hes going. Gorilla 2. N megane n anego.
Good. Have fun on your study date.
Its nt a date its for exams u ass
Now u have to bring 100 sukonbu
Also I left my notebook there pls bring thx
Don't be late. Idiot saddist
He sighed. It figures that the airhead would leave some of her things in his house. When he cleaned up the table, she left not only her notebook, but also her mathematics text book, her entire pencil case, and a pink screwdriver (?), all buried under empty bags of chips and sukonbu boxes.
He would have to ask her later about that. In any case, it seemed like he had no choice but to go to the Tokugawa mansion, since someone had to bring all of China's stuff to her.
"Ugh! She is such a pain in the ass!" he said out loud.
From her room, he heard Mitsuba giggle. "That's how it starts, Sou-chan," she said.
He paid his sister no mind. The medications might have had some serious side effects in her judgment. He would have to send a text to her doctor about that.
At about ten minutes to 2, Okita arrived at the Tokugawa mansion.
Maybe 'mansion' was not the appropriate term for it, for it was closer to a palace. The gates were heavily guarded. Men in black suits were visibly guarding the entryways, and more of them may be hidden in plain sight. A large fountain spewed water gracefully around marble statues of water nymphs. A golf cart fetched him from the entrance and brought him to the glamorous entrance of the Western-style home. As expected, since it was the home of Tokugawa Shigeshige, prominent politician.
When he got inside, he was escorted to the mansion's library, which rivalled the size of the Gintama High School library. Soyo, Nobume, China, Otae, and Glasses Stand were already there, chatting over tea and crepes.
As expected, everyone was out of uniform. The girls, who were all popular for their looks, met expectations. In fact, everyone except the glasses stand seemed to be perfectly capable of scamming a desperate, middle-aged man with a Lolita complex from his well-earned money.
China, in particular, was not in her track-suit-over-sailor-uniform attire anymore, but was in a long-sleeved striped red top which hugged her figure nicely (… nicely?) and a pair of jeans. (So, she was still hiding her arms and legs from the rest of them). The bun covers that were usually stubbornly placed at the side of her head were gone, effectively dispelling Okita's theory that she was hiding a pair of horns underneath. Instead, her hair, with that striking shade of vermilion, hung loose and fell around her shoulders. She wore a new pair of swirly eyeglasses though, and Okita supposed that it totally ruined her look…
He decided that among the girls, China should never attempt to scam any lolicon.
"Ah! Okita-kun! Welcome!" He snapped back to reality. Soyo, clad in a pink sweater and a skirt and looking as cute as a button, bowed to him, and he was compelled to do the same. "Take a seat with us. Did you have trouble coming here?"
"I'm good, thanks." Turning to Kagura, he smirked. "China, here's all your crap," he said, tossing an eco bag full of her things to her.
She frowned. "Where's the 100 sukonbu that you promised, Sadist?"
"I promised no such thing."
"My, my, Okita-kun," began Otae, whom he and the rest of the Shinsengumi called Onee-San out of respect (and fear for the commander's life). "I heard that Kagura-chan spent the night with you?"
"Anego! It's nothing like that! I would never bump uglies with a guy like that, yup. I'd get hives!"
"Kagura-chan, don't say things in such a vulgar way!" Shinpachi, clad in a forgettable white shirt and blue jeans, screeched. "And as far as I know, you guys just studied together like usual, right, Okita-san?"
"It's as Glasses Stand says, Onee-san. Besides, even if this pig forced me to, she's so unattractive nothing would stand up," he said in a deadpan voice.
"Ew. It might be a problem with your hardware then, idiot. Erectile dystopia is a serious disease, yup."
"It's dysfunction, idiot. Do you want me to prove to you that I don't have it?"
The glasses stand screeched again and slammed his hands on the table. "Can we please change the subject! And who are you calling Glasses Stand!" Shinpachi whined, and the others laughed.
"Anyway, enough with your flirting, you two. You guys should resume your tutorial sessions at the pace you set before," said Otae. "Shin-chan and I will start in a while too, after I do pest control in Soyo-chan's home."
Out of nowhere, a familiar, gruff voice chimed in from under the table. "Pests, you say? You are correct, Otae-san. In fact, I have crushed about twenty cockroaches since I crawled here."
"Oh… it's definitely not the cockroach problem I'm worried about, but the awful gorilla infestation problem…" An evil pink aura surrounded her suddenly.
Crashing noises and the strangled cry of Kondou filled the normally quiet library, followed by Shinpachi's begging for Otae not to destroy the west wing… again. Soyo giggled at the entire exchange, while Nobume, pure in her white top and pants, munched on a pon-de-ring, looking as bored as ever.
"So, China-san, were you able to get home safely this morning?" a bleeding and bruised and profusely injured Kondou Isao asked softly as he took a seat at their table. "Toushi told me that he escorted you from Sougo's to your house."
"Nope. He only walked me as far as the train station. Then I asked him to let me go home on my own from there. He stank of mayo, yup. Not a nice thing to smell at 6 AM." Kagura said, wrinkling her nose, as if she remembered the smell again.
"Oi. Who are you calling stinky?"
Okita scowled at the newcomer. Hijikata, clad in a plain black button down shirt and dark jeans, arrived. Despite the fact that he had deep bags under his eyes, he hated that the Mayora looked dapper as usual. He would be popular if it weren't for his well-known obsession with mayonnaise. And right now he did smell of mayonnaise, but not of nicotine. He took a seat next to the commander.
"You, obviously. It was also embarrassing walking next to you since you were sucking mayo straight out of a bottle the entire time, uh-huh."
"You brat. Walk yourself to the train station next time."
"A—anyway, China-san! We have lots to talk about, I mean, about the events yesterday, but anytime you're ready, yeah? We could focus on studying first for today if you like," said Kondou.
She puffed her cheeks in annoyance. "No thanks, Gorilla. Also, you don't have to hover around me, you know? Don't need any idiots pretending to be my bodyguards, no siree."
From the corner of his eye, Okita observed that Soyo and Nobume were intently watching their exchange from the other table. The princess had a worried look over her face.
"… or so you say, China-san, but given the circumstances—If not me, then Toushi—"
"Kondou-san," interrupted Okita. The older man looked at him, a bit disconcerted. "You can't help someone who doesn't want help. And you know that she's a stubborn sow. The way it is, she'll probably just give the Shinsengumi a hard time."
"But, Sougo…" Kondou trailed off. Okita's tone was unexpectedly sharp all of a sudden, and even Kagura glanced up at him.
He sighed. "Anyways, let's prioritize exams first. We've wasted enough time already. C'mon, China."
Wordlessly, Kagura followed him to a separate table. Hijikata and Kondou looked at each other, and the rest of the room fell silent.
"You didn't have to say it like that, idiot," mumbled Kagura as she slumped down on her seat.
"I thought that was what you wanted, China. Since you're being an ungrateful brat to the disciplinary committee and all. After we save your ass—"
"You aren't even part of the shinsengumi anymore, Sadist. Anyway… let's not talk about it further," she said in a low voice. She took the eco bag and emptied all the contents of it on the table. Her things came rolling out noisily, echoing throughout the library. She was facing away from Soyo and Nobume, who were both glancing at them. Okita sighed.
"No plans at all to tell them?"
"Nope… well, not now… as far as they know, I had runny diarrhea and I had no choice but to shit at your house because it's closer to the school. Also, that Onee-sama asked the Mayora to bring me home since she needs you to clean up after me." Okita scowled at her, and all she did was to clear her throat. "So, Sadist. Where are your flash cards? I thought you were gonna make me some so I could study Chemistry."
He frowned. "I told you to make them, you lazy ass." They went back to their usual bickering, and the heavy air around them gradually turned lighter.
Before they knew it, night fall came, and everyone was whining that their necks and shoulders and lower backs and butts were sore from sitting down. Soyo led them in a somewhat substantial walk to the other end of the mansion to their garden, where a huge table was set up in between a gorgeous display of lanterns and flowers. A different fountain and other marble statues were also on display.
Everyone except for Nobume ooh-ed and aah-ed at everything. "Soyo-san, this is amazing! Everything looks exquisite!" gushed Shinpachi.
"Yeah… It's not so bad, but I think it's a bit much…? Oni-san thinks so, too… he kind of wants to renovate everything and get rid of all the extravagant stuff," said Soyo. "Anyways, dinner is ready! I took into consideration what everyone liked, so I hope everyone enjoys dinner!"
Servers clad in expensive black suits came out and served huge plates, filled with… pizza.
And not just any pizza. All of them were 18 inches and had mozzarella cheese and tomato sauce, but each pizza had… unconventional toppings, to say the least. For example, one of them had whole bananas and cream on top. Another was littered with strips of sukonbu and raw eggs on rice. One was covered in cubes of chewing gum, and another was hidden under a large mountain of mayonnaise. One of them didn't look like a pizza at all, since it was covered with assorted flavoured pon-de-rings. One of them was half and half, with conventional pepperoni topping on one side and a smoking heap of dark matter on the other.
"Shin-chan and I needed a break earlier, so we gave the chefs a hand," said Otae, with that scary double-bladed smile of hers, and Shinpachi looking like his soul has left his corpse. "We call it the Shimura Special."
Hijikata raised his hand. "… excuse me, Onee-san. It seems that the dark half of the pizza is taking over the other half."
"Hmm? I don't see what you mean."
Okita raised his hand as well. "Excuse me, Onee-san. It looks like it's burning the rest of the pizza in a violent forest fire. I can hear the pepperoni and forest animals screaming for help."
"It looks like Shinpachi's half of the pizza is undercooked, so it must be correcting itself," answered Otae with a sweet smile.
"O—Otae-san! Ignore these idiots! I'll eat your side of the pizza that you lovingly made whole-heartedly!" Kondou moved to jump face-first into the dark matter pizza and was barely held back by Hijikata and Shinpachi, who was yelling that the weekend before exams was no time to have amnesia by food poisoning.
No-one could stop Kondou, however, and it only took one bite of the dark matter pizza for him to pass out. Everyone else turned away from him and ignored his writhing body and took a seat at the table.
Despite the unconventional pizzas, Kagura, Hijikata, and Nobume were thoroughly enjoying themselves. Especially Hijikata, who gushed that he'd never seen such a beautiful masterpiece of a pizza in his life. His appetite decreasing exponentially by the second, Okita boredly picked off the chewing gum from his pizza. Shinpachi sat next to him, sullenly holding a plate with a slice of banana pizza on it.
"I… itadakimasu," Glasses said weakly, taking a bite.
"Soyo-chan! This pizza is a genius idea! I could eat this everyday! This is so good," said Kagura gleefully as she chomped, while some of the sukonbu got stuck to her teeth.
"What a glutton," mumbled Okita. Beside him, he heard the glasses stand chuckle. He looked at him in a deadpan manner. "What's up with you?"
"Nothing. Kagura-chan's pretty cute when she gets excited over food, huh, Okita-san?" he said, picking off a banana from his pizza.
"I wouldn't say cute. You wouldn't call a garbage disposal cute… or would you have a weird fetish for that kind of gross thing, Glasses Stand?"
Shinpachi coughed on his pizza. "Oh… oh! Sorry, Okita-san, I didn't mean it like that~ I mean, I have no interest in Kagura-chan at all! She's like a little sister to me and that's all it is, so! I hope you don't misunderstand me! (Please don't kill me!)" He stressfully chomped through his pizza, bananas and all.
Okita blinked. He had not realized how sharp his tone suddenly was. "I don't know what you're talking about, you human wearing glasses," he said coldly.
"O—of course not! I don't know what I'm talking about either! (D-damn he's totally in denial! Is his inner tsundere unravelling?)"
"I didn't think so. It'd be a shame if the world's first sentient pair of glasses suddenly gets crushed in an unfortunate marble statue-related accident here somewhere."
Shinpachi avoided his gaze, though a chill was undoubtedly crawling down his spine. "(I take it back! He's a yandere if I've ever seen one!) (As expected of a total S!) (He totally gave me a death threat just now!) (Did he just call me a sentient pair of glasses?!)"
"How are you talking in parentheses anyway?" muttered Okita before looking away. Unconsciously, his eyes fell on China again, and she was arguing with Hijikata.
"I'm telling you, brat, it'll be better with mayonnaise. You have to try it," he said, pushing a bottle of mayonnaise he always carried on his person into Kagura's pizza.
"You'll ruin it! You'll ruin the Queen Kagura Special pizza with your foul mayonnaise, you mayo-loving freak!" It was too late, though, as Hijikata was able to squeeze a HUGE amount of mayonnaise over Kagura's last bite of pizza.
Why is this conversation so irritating? Thought Okita, trying to ignore the annoyed bulging vein on his head.
"Now, try it. You might as well. It's bad to waste food," said Hijikata victoriously.
"Urgh… to use my love of food like this…" Kagura took a deep breath, her face turning greener and greener as she brought the pizza closer to her face.
Just as she was about to take a bite, just as the tip of her tongue touched the underside of the crust, Okita suddenly got up to stop her. "Hijikata-san. You can't force your mayonnaise-freak ways on others." Before anybody could say anything, Okita took the pizza from her and popped it in his mouth. The mix of raw egg, pickled seaweed, mozzarella cheese, tomato sauce, and an unhealthy overdose of mayo almost made him hurl.
Everyone who was watching stopped breathing. Okita felt himself turn green, but controlled himself. He looked at China, who had her mouth agape, and gave an evil smile. In a voice just loud enough for Kagura to hear, he said, "Hehe. Indirect kiss~"
Kagura instantly howled. "Sadist, you're gross! Bluaaaargh!" She turned away and hurled a huge amount of vomit at a spot on the floor, which was unfortunately where Kondou was lying down.
"I'm not gross, you're gross!" Seeing the stream of vomit from her mouth, Okita couldn't take it anymore, and he himself hurled on top of his commander's head.
"You bastards! Stop desecrating Kondou-san's corpse! Blaaargh!" Before Hijikata could stop the two of them, he started hurling over Kondou's crotch area.
"Look who's talking, you idiot Mayora! The scent of the mayo on my pizza was enough to make me hurl! Blaaargh!"
"Move over. Now I have to hurl too." At some point, the usually quiet Nobume stood next to them and started vomiting rainbow-coloured vomit. Shinpachi was screeching at everyone to get a hold of themselves.
The floor was covered with an ample amount vomit. Kondou's weeping corpse was eventually carried by the unfortunate cleaning ladies to the washroom. Eventually, everyone calmed down, and Soyo gave everyone a glass of water.
Soyo later announced that dinner was over, and everyone shuffled back to the library. Kondou came back as well, clad in a luxurious white bathrobe which barely covered a mosaic area over his crotch, and studied next to Hijikata as if nothing happened.
Okita went back to trying to let Kagura remember all the equations she learned from the night before. Surprisingly, she remembered about three-quarters of the things they studied, and it was easier to do the practice equations afterwards.
Before they knew it, it was almost midnight. Soyo asked all of them if they would like to stay over for the night, but everyone except Nobume declined. The Shimuras went ahead on their way home first, with Kondou earning another beating for insisting that he escort Otae and his future brother-in-law back to their family-owned dojo.
"Kagura-chan, if you'd like, I can ask one of our chauffeurs to drive you home," said Soyo.
"It's okay, Soyo-chan! My old man wouldn't like it if a flashy car made it to our neighbourhood… it might get the neighbours talking, uh-huh," said Kagura.
"You better reconsider it, brat. We wouldn't feel comfortable sending you home by yourself," said Hijikata.
"Hate to agree with the Mayora, China, but he's right. You can't go home alone at this time of night. Don't make the princess worry about you," said Okita. He looked at her in the eye. It'll be Soyo's responsibility if something happened on the way home from her house.
Kagura pouted and looked away. "W-well. If it's Soyo-chan who'll worry about me, I guess I'm okay with being driven home…"
"Yay~! Thanks, Kagura-chan!" She signalled one of the guards, who nodded and walked away. "It'll be a minute… in the meantime, here's all the extra pizzas you asked for!"
A servant struggling to carry ten boxes of pizza came. He handed the boxes over to Okita, who got startled at the weight.
"O-oi, why am I carrying these?"
Soyo giggled. "Okita-san, you're coming with Kagura-chan to make sure she gets home safely, right?"
"Soyo-chan, it's okay, I don't need the Sadist to take me home… if anything, don't you think I'm less safe if the ultimate super S knew where I lived?" protested Kagura.
"Kagura-chan, you know he wouldn't hurt a fly! You even slept at his house already. Come on, I want to be super, super sure that you get home safe!"
As the two girls argued, Okita moved the tower of pizzas to look at Hijikata, who only shrugged at him.
Don't look at me. You're the one who wants to make sure that someone's got her eye out on her at all times. You never know when those idiots who took her to the Dragon's Vein will strike again.
He scowled. Of course Hijikata was right. Anyone who knew about Dragon's Vein was rarely ever sane. He sighed and interrupted the girls' squabble by saying, "Come on, China, I know you're shameless, but you've inconvenienced the Princess enough. Let's get you back to the hole you crawled out of."
The ride to China's house was quiet. They sat at opposite ends, each facing the window, with the boxes of pizzas between them. The scent of them was enough to make him sick again. He was sure that most of them were the weird ones with sukonbu and eggs-on-rice.
Kagura's head leaned against the other window. He heard the rhythmic, soft snore and watched the steady rise and fall of her chest. Her hair crumpled against the window, surrounding her pale face in a halo of red.
He didn't realize that he was staring. Was he even staring? He was probably staring angrily and disinterestedly and uncaringly at the clear line of drool forming at the corner of her mouth. An awful, strangely hypnotizing rhythmic gurgling sound emanated not-so-horribly from the small gap in between her pink, soft-looking lips.
What… a total turn-off. Something weird in Okita's chest throbbed.
"Excuse me, Kagura-dono. We are close to your home," said the chauffeur politely, abruptly cutting into Okita's reverie. Kagura didn't stir from her sleep.
He sighed, shook his head, willed himself to snap out of it. "China. Oi, China, wake up. You're almost home," he said.
"Grrgl grrgle shut up, Sadist," she groaned. Reluctantly, she rubbed her eyes awake and looked outside. "Hm. Julio-san, it's okay, you can drop me off at that street light there," she said.
Okita realized that they were in a small street in the Kabuki district, very close to where the host clubs and girly bars and gay bars were, but was relatively quieter with less of the red light establishments. They stopped in front of a small shop called Snack Otose. He assumed that Kagura lived in the dingy apartment at the second floor.
"Don't look at it like that, Sadist. I know it's not the Ritz," said Kagura.
"It's better than I expected. I thought you lived in a box under the bridge next to a kappa. Do you work in the bar to pay for rent or something?"
"… sometimes I help. Anyway part-time work is against the rules, so you better not tell anyone about this place," she said. The driver came up to them carrying all the boxes of pizza. "Oh, Sadist, I almost forgot… Julio-san, help me out a bit." She opened up one box after another, and Okita was sure that he saw one of them covered in strawberries and chocolate. He managed to suppress another wave of nausea.
"Nope, not this one… ah, here we go," she said victoriously.
She pulled one of the boxes from the driver's grasp and handed it to Okita. Curiously, he opened it, and the strong scent of spice instantly filled his nostrils.
The pizza smelled so spicy, it was practically on fire. Every inch of it was covered in red pepper flakes and Tabasco. There were also small green pieces of jalapenos, and many spicy rice crackers cut in the middle were arranged and nicely adorned each slice.
"I asked Soyo-chan's chefs to make it super spicy. They said this was 2 million Scoville units," she said. "Please give that to Mitsuba Onee-Sama and make sure she feels better."
Okita closed the box, sealing the fires within. "All right, I will."
Kagura stared at his face for a while-he fought hard to keep it neutral-then she smiled slyly at him. "You could say Thank You, your imperial highness Gura-sama, you know."
"I'd rather die," he said. Nevertheless, his mouth betrayed him, and he smiled at her earnestly. "But I'm sure Aneue will enjoy this. I'll accept this offering."
"Hmph. Whatever, you punk chihuaua. Anyway, I have to get these pizzas up to my old man. See you on Monday, Sadist." With that, Kagura took the rest of the pizzas and left him with his own box, not even looking back or saying another word.
The chauffeur called his attention. It was time for him to go home.
Going into their own small apartment, he set the 18-inch pizza down in the kitchen, went to Mitsuba's room, and watched her sleep for a little bit. He held her hand and whispered to her about the nice, delicious pizza that the wild Chinese girl picked out for her.
AN: Thank you for reading and your kind comments! I am super happy that people are excited over how this will go. Will try my best not to disappoint *sweats nervously*
This was a fun chapter to write. The story will get a bit more dramatic from this point forward tho. Fasten your seatbelts!
