A/N: Hey guys! I know it's been a good old while, and I'm sorry about that. I'm afraid I have a hell of a lot going on in my life at the moment, and it seems like I barely have a moment to myself to think, let alone write! Hopefully things will settle down soon - it's nothing bad, so please don't worry about me! All the madness should be leading me somewhere good, but anyway, I finally have a new chapter for you. I will do my best to get another chapter of UWS up for you within the next week as well, but that's not quite done yet, and I'm still busy! Anyway, thank you for your patience, and hope you enjoy!
Boramir: I am absolutely fine, but thank you so much for your concern, I know it's been a while, but as you can see above I've been kept super busy. I'm doing my best to find time for writing but it's tough with the demands of real life. I'm glad you enjoyed the last chapter, your thoughts on Cersei are spot on. As for the nurses, they are from the North, just not from Winterfell itself. I think Robb wants the best, and he would be more trusting in this scenario I think, as he has never suffered the betrayals from fellow Northmen as he did in canon. Hope you enjoy the new chapter, and sorry for worrying you!
unnamed visitor: Thank you so much! Glad you enjoyed the last chapter, it won't be too long now before Myrcella gives birth, but it's still a little way off. I don't have any plans to write anything with Roose directly involved. I think I'm going to take a little break from GoT fics after this and UWS are finished, but I do have plans to come back to it, and some stories already planned when I do. However, if the idea of Robb marrying Roose's daughter intrigues you then I wonder if you have come across 'Defying Demons' by darkwolf76, it's in progress and is a really great story that I'm really enjoying. If you haven't already seen it then I highly recommend it. Hope you enjoy the new chapter!
Guest: Because Varys always seems to get away with anything. I doubt anything could be pinned on him, and so he just continues serving whoever is in power while sticking to his own agenda. I guess no one really knows who's side he's on, but he's useful, so they keep him around.
Guest: Thank you very much!
Right-ho folks, on we go! Hope you enjoy!
:)
XXVII: Doubts and Determination
Myrcella
I miss Etta.
That had been the thought that crossed Myrcella's mind the most over the last week. It crossed it most frequently when she was sat in the nursery with the five of them. The matron was kindly enough, though she seemed stern when it came to the nurses in her charge. The nurses Myrcella could barely get a word out of.
She tried. The Gods must know that she tried. Every single day she would try a new way to try and needle some kind of real conversation from them. The first day she had merely tried asking them questions; what their names were, where in the North they had come from, how did they like Winterfell so far. They answered, she supposed, but it was like drawing blood from stone. She wondered if perhaps it was her.
Perhaps they feared her, thought she might be cruel. It would not be the first time she had been misjudged. On the second day she determined to show them that she was kindly, and that she would not be an unfair mistress to them. She had cakes brought, encouraged them to help themselves, that they must have as much as they pleased. Each took one, and nibbled at the corner as though it were poisoned. Only one, a pretty little dark-haired girl named Jan, who was around Myrcella's own age, had eaten the entire thing.
Myrcella had bristled. Surely it was good manners to consume the entirety? She said nothing though, besides encouraging them to help themselves before she excused herself from their presence. Later, she asked the servants whether the cakes had been finished when they had gone in to clean. They hadn't been. Myrcella had been irked, but unsurprised.
She'd bitten her tongue when Robb had come to their chambers. She had been prepared to let out all her frustration, but he had been smiling and happy having passed the matron on his way to bed and been told that Myrcella had been spending time with the nurses. All she could do then was smile and confirm that that was indeed what she had spent the day doing. He had been delighted, and she had pushed down her frustration and determined to try again with them.
The next day she invited them to her own chambers to join her in some needlework. They all worked with their heads bowed and said nothing unless Myrcella shot a direct question at them. Again, they answered with as little elaboration as possible and in the end she gave up. The rest of the afternoon was spent sewing in silence until it grew too dark and the candle-light began to give them all strained eyes. She bid them all a good evening and was met with silent curtseys. Her needlework ended up flung on the floor as the door closed behind them.
It was ever so tempting not to bother in the days that followed, but Myrcella reminded herself that these women would be looking after her baby, and so she decided to try a new tactic. Perhaps if she spent more time with the matron the nurses would see her more favourably. They clearly took their lead from the older woman and perhaps if they saw her getting along with Myrcella then they would soften. It was worth a try, at least, and so that is what she did.
The matron, it transpired, was named Herda, and hailed from White Harbour. She worshipped the Seven, as Myrcella did, and Myrcella even offered to pray with the woman if she would ever like the company. Her offer was neither accepted nor declined, which left her somewhat dissatisfied. Wouldn't most women be honoured at the thought of praying with their queen? Prayer was something personal, however, and perhaps she would not want Myrcella invading that time. She pushed it aside and continued speaking with her.
After the second day of doing such, it dawned on Myrcella that all the woman's talk was of her baby. Even when she asked Myrcella how she was feeling, it seemed she was only doing so out of concern for the baby. Perhaps it wasn't that strange, after all, the baby would be her charge. It made Myrcella feel uneasy though, and since the nurses were still not softening, she decided there was no more need to spend too much time with the matron.
She retired that night still feeling uneasy. What followed was a fitful sleep, whilst Robb lay peacefully at her side. She didn't want to wake him with all her tossing and turning, and so she eventually got up and did her needlework by the fire until her eyes were watering. After that she managed a few hours of sleep, only to be roused by Robb getting ready for council. He was apologetic, and looked on her in concern. No doubt she looked terrible, though she assured him she was fine and he left her with his usual kiss and a smile on his face.
Myrcella wondered why she had not confided in him. He had told her that they ought to be honest with one another, and he would want to know of her feelings about the nurses, given how close they would be to their child. However, she felt like she was participating in some silent battle with them, and that if she went to Robb then she would be conceding victory. She was not ready to do that. She would try harder to win them over.
That morning, Lady Stark offered to join her in the nursery. She tried not to sound too eager in her acceptance, though inside she felt more than a little smug. The nurses couldn't continue the way they had been in Lady Stark's presence. Myrcella settled into her armchair and took up her needlework as Lady Stark struck up conversation. The nurses were animated with her, and came across as ever so gracious. One, whose name Myrcella could not remember, even gushed about how kindly Myrcella had been to them.
The young one, Jan, caught her eye at that moment, and Myrcella could have sworn that a silent apology was sent towards her. She averted her eyes in the next moment though, and Myrcella bit her tongue and quietly seethed as the nurses continued wrapping Lady Stark around their fingers. There was no way anyone would believe her that they were dismissive and ignorant towards her now. Bringing Lady Stark along had not been a good idea after all. It was almost enough to make her cry, but she refused. She would not show weakness in front of these women. Whatever they thought they were trying to achieve, they would not achieve it. She was the Queen in the North, and her husband and King loved her. His child was thriving inside her, and nothing these nurses dreamt up would ever change that. Myrcella determined it.
I miss Etta.
"…and they all seem to be settling so well into Winterfell," Lady Stark was continuing as they dined.
"That's good, mother, I'm delighted to hear it," Robb returned.
Myrcella pushed her food around on her plate.
"They tell me that Myrcella has been most welcoming," her good-mother continued.
"I hear the same," Robb agreed.
Myrcella gripped her fork harder in her hand.
"They all seem most kindly, the baby will be spoiled indeed," Lady Stark said. "And the matron, well, she seems to have them all in order. I don't doubt if she continues on here that she will be a wonderful role-model to the little prince or princess."
Myrcella seethed at that. She did not even hear Robb's reply as her blood was pounding in her ears. She did not want the matron or the kindly nurses being wonderful role-models to her son or daughter. She wanted her child to look up to her and Robb. To look to them first rather than any other.
A sudden image came upon her. A child. Her child. Perhaps only having seen two or three name-days, crying. A cut on their hand as tears streamed down their face. Myrcella's heart tugged, she moved towards the child, to comfort them. It was not her they looked to though, they turned away. Turned towards Herda and her flock of nurses. They descended on them, blocking Myrcella's view. Blocking Myrcella from everything.
She let her fork drop.
"Myrcella?" Robb turned to her at the clatter.
"I'm sorry," she apologised at once. "I was miles away, I didn't mean to disturb you."
"So long as you're alright," his eyes were piercing. It took everything Myrcella had to keep still and not shift uncomfortably in her seat.
"Of course," she smiled.
He kept his eyes on her for a lingering moment before he turned back to his dinner. Myrcella let out a sigh of relief, before reaching out for her cup of milk. She sipped on it slowly, glancing out of the corner of her eye to make sure Robb really was engaged in eating again. He seemed to be, and she relaxed. Hopefully he was satisfied and would not accost her when they retired for the night. She knew if he asked her outright then she would be unable to help telling him the truth about the nurses.
It wasn't long before his hand came to hers, and she set her empty cup aside and turned to him with a smile.
"Are you ready to retire?" he asked, and she nodded.
"Most ready," she agreed. "I swear I grow more exhausted by the day."
It wasn't a lie. The baby seemed to weigh more heavily by the day, and Myrcella found herself needing more sleep than usual. Also, if Robb thought her tired then he would likely let her go to bed right away. That would mean no more questions, and hopefully by the morning he would have forgotten all about it.
Robb smiled at that, and his eyes did not seem to be dancing with suspicion. She let herself have another breath of relief as he rose up and offered her his hand. She took it gladly, easing herself up from her chair. It was becoming more difficult every day given her ever expanding waistline. While she still tried to conduct herself gracefully, she did often wonder whether she was actually managing it.
Both she and Robb bid the rest of the family a good night before they strode easily from the hall. Some of the folk they passed called greetings of their own. Myrcella was always careful to smile widely at them and show gratitude. Hopefully it would help. They all seemed much warmer to her now that she was with child. She knew they were all hoping for a prince, and she prayed that they would not be too disappointed if she delivered their beloved king a daughter.
They were bowed out of the doors, and made for the stairs, Robb's hand moving from hers to the small of her back as they slowly climbed them. Myrcella was always wary of tripping, and Robb was ever patient of her caution, even if it took them twice as long to ever get anywhere. Her own hand came to rub absently against her stomach as the baby stirred, a slight smile coming to her face. The movement made her even more determined to not let the nurses push her out, if that was indeed what they intended to do.
The baby was hers, not theirs. It was hers and Robb's, and they would be the ones to be there when truly needed. She wanted to be the first person they looked to. There was no way she would become her mother. She did not want her child to be her, looking for her nurse when something upset her because her mother would be nowhere to be seen. Myrcella may be a queen, but she was determined not to let those duties turn her into an absent mother.
"You are thinking hard," Robb commented as he opened the door to their chambers and gestured for her to enter first.
"I find I have much to think about, the closer it gets," she replied, patting her stomach lightly.
"Are you worried about anything?" he asked, his gaze seemingly piercing her soul.
If she told him no then he would read the lie immediately, and then he really wouldn't let go until she told him what was bothering her. Myrcella decided to settle on a half-truth.
"I just want to be able to spend as much time with the baby as I can," she said.
"And you will," Robb was soothing as he began removing his furs. "My mother is happy to take on your duties while you recover and spend time with the baby. After that, you can share them if you wish, and mother thinks it is high time Arya learned how to run a household."
"Are you thinking of marriage for her?" she asked with a raised brow.
"I must," Robb sighed. "She cannot remain unmarried forever. It has not escaped the notice of my lords and my council that my own wife is younger than my unwed sister. I can no longer use her age as an excuse for not considering a betrothal. By rights she ought to have been married many years ago."
"Did you have anyone specific in mind?" she asked curiously, watching him carefully as he readied himself for bed.
"I would not send her to a man old enough to be her father," he said, and she nodded her head. "Given Arya's temperament and the fact that she prefers to spend her days in the tiltyard, she will need a man capable of understanding that. Someone who shares the same interests, perhaps."
"So…?" Myrcella raised a brow, and he turned to her, tying his robe about him as he did so.
"I had considered Harrion Karstark," he said, and she nodded. She remembered him from the wedding, he had bowed politely to her and kissed her hand. His eyes had held suspicion though, she remembered that most clearly. Damn her name.
"I can understand why," she said, standing up and shrugging away her furs before turning round so Robb could unlace the back of her dress. "It would help strengthen your kinship, given recent…tensions."
"If you are referring to yourself, you have nothing to feel guilty about," Robb told her as his fingers made quick work of her lacings. "I was considering Harrion long before you came to Winterfell."
"But I was always set to come to Winterfell, and you can deny it all you like, but I know that it is the Karstarks who have most cause to despise me," she said.
"Not you," he pressed a kiss to her shoulder as he slipped her dress from them. "The name your family possesses. On meeting you Lord Karstark will likely forget any lingering feelings of resentment."
"My uncle murdered his sons, Robb, I do not think he will ever forget that," she sighed.
"It was war," Robb said, though she saw him grimace as she turned around to take her robe from him. "And you had no part of it. Your uncle will never be popular here, but you have already begun to win the people over. There is no reason you will not win over the lords as well."
"But a marriage proposal may well help ease things along?" she guessed with a raised brow.
"It may," Robb's lips twitched upwards slightly.
"And what do you suppose Arya will make of this new plan?" she asked, watching him carefully.
"Harrion will allow her to continue in the tiltyard, allow her to be the woman she wishes to be. He has fought alongside Mormont women, he would not underestimate her, which is more than can be said for other lords," he answered.
"In other words, she will be furious," Myrcella grimaced slightly.
"She knew she would have to marry eventually," he said firmly, as though he was trying to convince himself. "It will be fine."
Myrcella doubted it, but she decided against pushing it.
"As you say," she said instead, before moving towards the dresser and seating herself at it, picking up her brush and running it through her hair.
She watched Robb in the mirror. He moved to the desk and shuffled a few papers before scratching his head and moving to the bed. When he was settled he met her eyes in the mirror and she smiled at him. He returned the gesture, and she sighed contentedly. Perhaps he was right, Arya may well find that she enjoyed marriage. Myrcella had never imagined she would, but now she would not change it for anything in the world.
"My mother seemed quite enamoured with the nurses," Robb said after a moment.
"Indeed," she agreed, hearing how stiffly her voice had come out.
"You, perhaps not quite so much," he said lightly.
"I still think there are too many of them," she told him honestly.
He hummed, and she knew it was in agreement.
"And, I don't seem to have that much in common with them," she added, biting her lip.
"My mother seemed to think you were all getting along well, they have all been singing your praises," Robb said, and she could hear the frown in his voice.
"Well, they were hardly going to tell your mother they think I'm a witch, were they?" she said pointedly, turning on her stool so she could face him.
"Have they been cruel to you?" he asked, his eyes almost burning.
"No," she held his gaze. "They are just so quiet. The way they are, I am not used to it. I suppose I -," she cut off, shaking her head.
"You what?" he pressed.
"I just…well, I miss Etta," she finally voiced it, and he smiled sympathetically at her.
"She was with you a long time?" he asked, patting the space on the bed next to him.
"From when I was ten to when I left," she answered, rising up to join him. "She was only a few years older than I was, at first she attended me with her mother, but after a few years her mother grew sick. Etta attended me by herself, and I refused anyone else."
"Did you not wish to bring her to the North with you?" he asked, as she snugged down against him.
"I would have loved to, but I did not know what awaited me here. I didn't want to drag her so far from home," she told him.
"And into such potential misery," he guessed astutely, and she pressed herself closer to him.
"If I had known it would be like this, perhaps I would have considered it," she said. "But even so, her family is in the south. By now she may well have a husband of her own, a child, even. It's best that she stayed behind, likely she is happier there as I am here."
"Most like," he said absently, pressing a kiss to the top of her head.
"Likely the nurses just need a little more time to settle in, no doubt everything will be just fine by the time the baby comes," Myrcella said. It was optimistic to say the least, but she could already tell that Robb was feeling guilty, and she would not heap more on him.
"Most like," he said again, and she tilted her head back so she could see his face.
"What are you thinking so hard about?" she asked teasingly, seeing the familiar crease between his brows that informed her that he was pondering something.
"There is much for a king to think about during winter, especially when his wife is with child," he replied, and she frowned slightly.
"Is there something serious?" she asked. Robb had been absent more often than usual over the past weeks. It seemed there was always someone calling him away, needing his attention. Myrcella knew he could not leave Winterfell, but now she was wondering if there were those calling for him to.
"No," he shook his head, smiling slightly. "Believe me, all this trouble is to be expected. The people grow frustrated that they cannot live and work as they are used to. We were looking forward to a longer summer than we were gifted with. The last winter took its toll on us up here, and it is still ever fresh in the minds of the people. They dread it lasting so long again, and so it is up to their king to reassure them, and to keep them warm and fed."
"We have supplies enough, I have seen it myself," Myrcella said, and he smiled again.
"It is not just the people of Winterfell in my charge though, is it?" he said rather heavily.
"Why did you not tell me?" she asked, shifting herself further up against him so she could meet his eyes properly.
"Because you have quite enough to worry yourself with," he said, settling his hand down on her stomach, a smile coming to his face as he rubbed the roundness.
"I am perfectly well, and so is the baby, as you well know. I know you don't want to worry me, but I am your wife, Robb. I want to know these things so that I can at least support you. Here I am moaning about having too many nurses while you are worried about the entire population of the North and the Riverlands," she shook her head. "Forget I said anything."
"Your worries are no less important than mine," he soothed her.
"In this case, I imagine they are," she returned, and he chuckled.
"The people will be fine," he nodded his head. "They have survived worse, we all have. If the Gods are good this winter will be brief, and then perhaps we can look forward to another long summer. Our child will be wondering what all the fuss about winter is."
"I hope so," she smiled at him, and he leant in and pressed a lingering kiss to her lips.
"I can imagine them already, playing out by the pool in the Godswood. Kicking through the leaves when they begin to fall. I remember doing that as a child, before the first winter I remember came," Robb sounded almost wistful, and she smiled again.
"The first winter I remember is the last one," she said, and he nodded.
"And we can only pray it will be the worst you ever endure," he said.
"It would have been worse for you," she reasoned.
"Winter is in my veins," he grinned, and she couldn't help but laugh.
"Then our baby ought to be better equipped than I already," she said.
"Exactly," he nodded. "And you are doing wonderfully well at managing in the cold."
"Likely because I never leave the keep," she laughed.
"Well, I doubt the baby will have cause to do so either," he retorted teasingly.
"How right you are, husband," she giggled, and he leant in to kiss her again.
"We ought to get some sleep," he said when he pulled away, as Myrcella did her best to stifle a yawn behind her hands.
"Hmm," she agreed with him, slipping further down under the furs and shifting herself about until she found a comfortable position. It was getting more and more difficult the bigger she grew, and the baby seemed to become even more active at night. She wouldn't complain though, she was just pleased that the precious little life was strong and thriving. A contented sigh left her as she felt a few gentle nudges within her.
"Are you comfortable?" Robb breathed.
"Yes," she replied, and in the next moment he wrapped himself around her as best he could. She sighed even more contentedly, grasping onto his forearms and wriggling closer to him. By morning they would likely be splayed on opposite sides of the bed. She grew more restless as time went on, and commanded more and more space in bed. Still, she enjoyed drifting off to sleep in her husband's arms, utterly safe and contented.
She closed her eyes, determining not to worry anymore about the nurses. If they didn't like her there was not much else she could do to change their minds. No amount of ignorance from them would ever keep her away from her baby, and should they even think to try then they would find themselves quickly dismissed. Myrcella determined, as she slipped into sleep, that nothing in the world would ever stop her being a good mother to her precious child.
A/N: Hope you guys enjoyed! Hopefully it won't be as long until the next one, but I can make no promises! :)
