"Oh hey. What are you doing out here?"
"Hello and same to you." Angela had been sitting on a bench on the outside installations, overlooking some of the base, but more so the dark cloudy sky and roiling sea, lost in thought.
"Just taking a walk before streaming; you're the one who keeps telling me that sitting for hours on end isn't healthy."
"That I am." Angela chuckled. "And so it is."
"Heh." Hana dropped onto the bench next to her. "And you?"
"Good question. I was just feeling restless, I suppose."
"Huh. And that's how you ended up out here of all places?" Hana asked with an amused expression.
"Yes. I went for a walk, just like you." If a rather long one, covering a good portion of the base inside and out over the course of a good half hour. "...There will be a storm soon." Angela continued with a look towards the sky; the electricity and tension in the air had been slowly growing the whole day and were downright palpable by now.
"Guess so." Hana giggled. "Make it sound any more ominous, will you?"
Of course this was a common enough trope, not to say cliché, yet Angela had been feeling a certain ...unease today. But in truth it was probably just the weather and – surprise, surprise – not quite enough sleep. "Well, if you're asking like this..." Angela put on a deep foreboding voice. "The tempest that shall reach us tonight is merely to be a portent of the doom that is fast approaching. The Dark Goddess of the Deep will rise once again and subjugate the earth, the ending of the era of man draws nigh."
Hana seemed dumbfounded for a moment before she giggled then started laughing. "Oh man, I did not see that coming. Good one. But just so you know, if some evil goddess shows up tonight to subjugate mankind or whatever, I'm totally blaming you. After kicking her ass with MEKA of course."
"Of course." And if anything like this somehow were to come to pass, Angela would of course be standing right beside her. "Actually, that reminds me... I don't think I ever just asked this directly, but, Hana, why did you join MEKA?"
"Hm, backstory time?" Hana tilted her head before shrugging. "Sure. I guess... I always liked playing video games, and when I was like 14 or so I started streaming just for the lulz and when it turned out I was really pretty good at them, some friends talked me into signing up for a local tournament and I kinda worked my way up and the rest is history."
"But it's not. You could easily have kept streaming and playing in tournaments, led a comfortable, safe life. Yet you chose not to. What made you join MEKA?"
"Why did you join Overwatch?" Hana returned, but Angela shook her head.
"You first, dear."
"Hm..." Hana took several moments to answer. "I got the offer from MEKA, along with several other top players, and I guess most of just were like 'why not?'. They did a pretty good job of selling the whole thing to us like a game." She added in a more sombre voice.
"Yet you stayed. Why?"
"Why not?"
"That's not an answer."
"Because I... could. Can. Fight the Kaijuu Omnic, I mean. Protect people."
"Again. Why?" Angela kept pushing. "Why did it have to be you of all people?"
"Just what do you want to hear?" Hana frowned a little, pausing somewhat longer before finally, hesitantly answering. "I just... I can do what I'm doing, so I should... I have to. I mean, I'm not the only one of course, and others can and do fight just like me – like us." She made a vague gesture indicating the two of them, and probably the entire base behind them. "But I... there's so many people out there suffering from war, Talon, the Kaijuu, whatever disaster of the week, powerless to do anything against it. So if I'm in a position to fight for them, why shouldn't I?"
"Why should you risk your life for some strangers you've never met and likely never will?"
"Because... it's the right thing to do. And I chose to do this, and I'm sure as hell not backing down." Hana answered in a defiant tone, folding her arms in front of her chest, her conviction plainly obvious.
"Yes, but why is it the right thing?"
"Come on, is this philosophy lesson or something?" Hana frowned at Angela's incessant questioning. "It's... It'd be a shitty thing not to. If I were living near the coast and some ugly Godzilla wannabe starts wrecking the neighbourhood, I'd want any potential mecha pilots or superheroes to come and help me too instead of being 'lol nope you're on your own'. So I gotta do the same thing. And besides, fighting for love, justice and honour – or something – is an interesting job at least, and my fans love me for it." She added like a more mundane afterthought.
"I see." Angela finally nodded after a few moments and Hana pouted.
"I bare my soul to you or whatever, and all I get is 'I see'?" Hana's mock indignation only served to make Angela chuckle.
"So sorry, Liebes. This is indeed something I got from a philosophy teacher; sometimes you have to ask a question several times until people give you the actual answer instead of what they think is the answer. But, I suppose I do understand you a little more now. Thank you."
"Good to hear." Hana grinned. "Your turn now. Why'd you join Overwatch? How did Angela Ziegler become Mercy?"
"You make it sound so dramatic, 'DVa'." Angela smiled. "And I think you already know half of it. I first got to meet Jack and several others about 20 years ago, when Overwatch was at its prime, during what was mostly a publicity stunt, giving a number of students from various high-profile universities a guided tour of their HQ, more or less."
"Huh, neat."
"It was quite impressive to me at the time." Especially since back then she hadn't yet been able to see the darker side of Overwatch. "That day I also met both Mei and Fareeha for the first time. I don't know how much Overwatch kept tabs on me and some of the other students after that, but the fact remains that besides me and Mei, another two or three of those later joined them too."
"Overwatch approached me only a few months after I'd taken over as the head surgeon in a Zürich hospital, and idealist that I was, I saw the potential for both funding for my research on what would later become the Caduceus technology, and the chance to far more directly help those in need – and frankly far more in need than most of the, rather affluent and rarely in mortal danger, patients I'd get working at the hospital."
"'Was'?" Hana echoed with a raised eyebrow.
"Come again?"
"You said you were an idealist. You're not anymore?"
"At least nowhere near as much as I used to be ten years ago." Angela answered in a darker tone. "I think by now I prefer the label 'realist'." Even if her conviction had rarely, if ever, truly wavered, her experiences – failing to save patients, losing people dear to her, the fall of Overwatch, everything that had happened – had undoubtedly shaped Angela and her outlook.
"Occupational hazard, huh?"
"So one could say." Both for doctors and members of Overwatch, as had shown. Even if Hana seemed just fine so far, but perhaps it was merely a matter of time, and there was little she nor Angela would be able to do against it.
"Yet you're back. And so's a bunch of others. Why you think that is?"
"I can't speak for anyone else, but I'm sure everyone has their motivations. For my part, I believe that we can learn from the past and avoid some of its mistakes this time around." Even if that of course was no guarantee that they wouldn't make just as many new ones.
"Yeah, but why?" Hana smirked, but her expression quickly fell into a pout as Angela countered.
"Why what? I'm afraid you'll have to be a little more specific."
"Touché." The girl's grin quickly returned as she pondered her reply. "Okay... Why'd you return at all, after- No, wait- ...Got it. Why'd you join at all? Why was the stuff Overwatch offered not only worth it, but worth returning for? ...Why do you go such lengths to dedicate your life to healing and helping others?"
"Well said." Angela conceded with a smile and a light bow of her head. "...Blame it on my upbringing, or losing my parents the way I did, or call it just the way I am, but I believe that life is sacred. Not strictly or necessarily in a religious sense, but in that it is more precious than most everything else."
"So..." Hana prodded, even by this point the conclusion should have been rather obvious.
"So I believe that saving lives – and by extension helping the suffering – is a worthy goal and what I strive to do in my life, both by becoming a doctor and joining Overwatch, because it's, as you put it, the right thing to do."
"Yeah." Hana nodded. "That sound about like what you'd expect to hear from 'Mercy'."
"But," Angela continued, pre-empting the most apparent follow-up question "even if you reject this underlying axiom of mine as subjective or baseless, and thus its conclusion as well, you'd still be hard-pressed to argue how war and fighting that cause nothing but death and destruction to countless innocents could in any conceivable way be a good thing."
"I can think of a bunch of people who'd beg to differ." Hana grimly returned, and she wasn't wrong either.
"Maybe, but most of these people simply put their own profit, wishes or ideals above others' lives. Those who would truly wage war and death purely for its own sake are thankfully far and few between."
"Like Talon's super edgelord? What's his deal anyways?"
"Reaper? I... don't know. He's still one of Talon's bigger unknowns, along with whatever hacker they appear to have in their services."
"I mean, he got his ass handed to him like every time he showed up, so whatever, right?"
"He's... I suppose you're right. But again, people like him are the exception. Everyone has their own reasons and motivations. And mine put innocent lives above everything else."
"Hm... Then I've got a puzzle for you: Would it be okay to let one person die to save another life? Ten lives? A million? What if you had to pull the trigger yourself? Or that one life was yours? Or mine?"
"So this is philosophy lesson after all." Angela's callback made Hana giggle. "But there is no one, and perhaps no 'right' answer. I believe that the value of human – and Omnic – life is immeasurable, and that lives should never be weighed against each other. Yet for that same reason I would be compelled to do just that, because the very act of not choosing is a choice already, and may be worse than either alternative."
"So you say. But could you really, if it was someone you know? If you had to sacrifice me to save an entire city?"
Angela shook her head. "For one, in reality there will never be a situation where it's just numbers. And two, name one scenario where I'd be in a position to make that kind of choice – that doesn't come straight from the plot of some Hollywood blockbuster." She added and Hana stopped just as she was about to answer, and after thinking for a few seconds shrugged.
"Beats me."
"Case in point. You always have to consider not only the individuals and circumstances, but also the consequences." To the best of one's knowledge. "Even if- ...Let me just say that I stand behind almost every decision I made, both as a doctor and with Overwatch, and believe they were the best I could have made in that situation at that time." Though not all of them had truly turned out to be the best in the long run.
"Yeah." Either Hana had missed the rather obvious bait for a follow-up question, or she caught Angela's just slightly warning, defensive tone, but either way she didn't pry. "Guess in the end that's really all we can ask for, isn't it?"
"...In a way, yes. But even in our line of work these huge moral dilemmas are thankfully rare."
"You're gonna jinx it, you know."
"Hana, please. You know that superstition is confirmation bias at best."
"Yeah, maybe. But you're not paranoid if there really is a monolithic embodiment of pure evil out to get you."
"There's not, though."
"That we know of..." Hana said in an ominous voice, before shaking her head with a laugh. "Nah, just a bunch of jerks with guns and the edgiest minions imaginable."
That was certainly a way to make light of Talon. "Don't underestimate them."
"I know, I know." Hana rubbed the still healing scar on her back. "But we're still gonna beat all of them, just you wait."
"Hm. That would be nice."
Both of them fell silent for a few minutes before finally Angela got up, stretching her arms and back with a small moan. "My stomach is telling me it's about time for dinner, what do you say we had inside and get some?"
"Same here, actually, let's go."
"D-doctor, help me..." The tall blonde man staggers towards her, clutching his stomach, trying to stem the flow of blood from the massive wound in his abdomen, before collapsing.
Why didn't you do anything
The redheaded teenager incredulously stares at the mangled stump of her arm with her remaining eye, both the other one and the hand lost to a grenade. She'll live, but be marked forever, physically and mentally.
You could have prevented this ...saved them
"Let go of me! You have to help mummy!" The small girl with tears in her eyes keep holding on to the arm of the motionless woman next to her, only letting go when she is sedated. Her mother dies before she can even be brought to the hospital.
But you weren't enough
Just now the lively young woman with the cute freckled face, who showed them around earlier is lying still on the floor, her eyes blankly gazing into nothing. She'd told them she wanted to become a vet, and how she was gonna help her adorable little brother ask out a girl tomorrow.
...Not enough
. . .
"Angela, are you okay?" Hana nudged Angela's shoulder, making the woman flinch. "You don't look so good."
"No, I-" Angela shook her head before letting out a sigh. "I'm sorry, I'm just tired. I didn't get nearly enough sleep tonight."
"Figures. You were busy patching all of us up." To underline her point Hana waved her newly bandaged arm, bearing a longish cut courtesy of some sharp bit of shrapnel, nearly dropping a bite of lunch off her fork.
"Yes, that too." On closer inspection, Angela really wasn't looking too great, her fair skin yet a shade paler than usual and dark rings under her eyes. "And I... didn't sleep to well either."
"Aw, that sucks. ...You still should eat something, though." Hana added, gesturing towards the medic's almost untouched plate. "Or I will, grandpa Reinhardt's cooking is great, as always." After still no reaction from Angela, Hana went on. "Or... if you don't wanna eat, I might just have to feed you."
"Hana, that's- that won't be necessary." Hana grinned as Angela blushed a little.
"You know, there's people who would do some dirty things just to have DVa offer to feed them, you should feel honoured to get the chance for free."
At least that served to elicit a light laugh from Angela. "Then I suppose I should be thankful for the offer, but I'll be fine." With a small sigh she started slowly eating, Hana totally not nabbing a few more bits of meat off her plate in the meantime.
"Alright." Once Angela was finally done, Hana took both of their plates and cutlery, putting them in the dishwasher. "Let's go to your room and watch a movie." Given that it was both more spacious and less cluttered with stuff, unless it was about video games, they'd tend to spend more of their time in Angela's room, it was simply more convenient. "I'm gonna pick something light and soft that I already know, so it's not gonna be a big deal if you fall asleep either."
"Yes, that... sounds good."
Making a brief detour to her room, Hana went through her anime collection for a few nice, fluffy feel-good movies, but before she'd picked even two for closer selection, Angela spoke up. "Hana, can we talk for a moment?"
"Um, sure." Angela sounded kinda serious, so Hana placed the discs to the side, sitting onto her bed. "Am I in trouble or something?"
"Not at all. The opposite, if anything." Hana pushed a few plushies to the side to clear some more space on her bed, gesturing at the free spot and with a weary sigh Angela sate beside her. "Hana, how do you... deal with it?"
"With what?" Even though she could make an educated guess.
"The failures. Innocents dying. The... killing." Of course.
"Freeze! Drop your weapon!" The masked grunt standing in front of the young woman who'd tried to hide in a corner once the shooting started slowly turns to face Mercy, her gun trained at him but trembling slightly. "Please. There's no need for anyone to get hurt. Step away from her." The medic pleads, but instead with a contemptuous laugh he raises his rifle-
He can't even fully ready it, much less fire a shot, before Mercy does, accurately landing four shots pretty much right above his heart and the grunt collapses with a surprised sound, his weapon clattering to the floor as Angela shakily lowers hers.
Only a moment later Hana – by this point of the battle without MEKA and bleeding as well – catches up with her, without question pulling the woman into a hug. "Are you okay?"
"I'll be... fine." After a few seconds Mercy pulls away with a steely expression, moving to help up the cowering girl. "Let's keep going."
Hana had kind of been expecting this to come up sooner, but apparently yesterday Mercy had still been busy enough patching everyone up to keep her occupied. "I..." don't. "Not sure. This is gonna sound like a dumb cliché, but even good guys can't always win. But if we don't keep going, who's gonna be left? Talon? We just gotta make sure we're better next time." So we can get some payback. But that probably wasn't what Angela would want to hear.
"That's so easy to say, but it doesn't change what's done. Nothing is going to bring any of these people back."
"It's not." Hana agreed. "But that's no reason to give up either."
"Hana, please. If I would give up this easily, I hardly would have made it through university, much less lasted this long with Overwatch. But it doesn't change the fact that I killed a man with my own hands. Again."
Angela's voice wavered, and without really thinking Hana leaned over to give her a soft hug. "That guy didn't leave you a choice, it was him or you. Also I was like half a second behind you, I would've gotten him anyways if you didn't."
Angela didn't answer, but returned the hug, holding on to the girl as if for support – which certainly was a reversal –, so Hana continued. "And besides, you totally saved... Katie, was that her name?"
"Caitlyn." Angela replied in a dull tone. "But for what?! For Talon to blow up the whole fucking building after they got what they wanted and kill her anyways?!" This was the first time Hana had heard Angela sincerely curse, and the sudden outburst made her flinch and pull away a little, and as soon as she realised, Angela's expression fell. "Verdammt, I'm sorry, Hana. I shouldn't get angry like this."
"It's okay, you know." Hana placed a comforting hand on Angela's leg. "You're allowed to get frustrated sometimes too. Especially after a mess like yesterday."
"Yet you're just fine. How?"
"Good question." Hana shrugged. "This is gonna sound kinda cold, but maybe I'm just better at not thinking about it. And instead living and getting better for the rematch."
"'Rematch'?" Angela frowned. "Is all this just one big game for you?"
"What? No. I'll have you know I'm dead serious about all of this."
After a brief pause Angela finally continued in a flat voice. "Eight."
"Huh?"
"Including yesterday, I've killed eight human beings with my own hands."
"Yeah, but how many people do you think you saved in your life?"
"So what?" Angela countered in a hollow tone. "I've told you one can't weigh a human life against another. We'll likely never even know their names. But every single one of these men and women were human beings with hopes and dreams and fears and ambitions just like us. ...Or are all the people you killed just numbers on a scoreboard to you?"
Which would put Hana at a 14-2 near-deaths so far. Part of her almost wished she could say yes, but… "No." Even if it helped to try and think of it that way. "But you can't take the whole blame for all of that either. You did your best to try and avoid it-"
"Then my best clearly wasn't enough! I could have been-"
"Stop it." Hana interrupted Angela, before continuing in a softer voice. "Please. Look I know it fucking sucks, all of this does, but we can't always save everyone. Sometimes bad things just happen." Hana moved closer to Angela to pull her into a close hug. "But that's life. And we're still only human. All we can do is give our all and make the choices we won't reg- we can stand behind later."
"I… you're right, I suppose." Angela let out a long sigh and seemed to relax at least a little. "But… even then, I… killed someone. Again."
"Yeah." Good shooting, too. "You did. I'm probably about to sound like an insensitive bitch, but you can't keep beating yourself up over that. Look." Hana let go of Angela, cupping the medic's hands in her own. "You obviously didn't want to shoot that guy. Any of these people. He-"
"And yet I did." Angela interrupted her and Hana frowned.
"Hey. Let me finish. Then you can be mopey some more if you have to." After a short moment Angela nodded with a faint smile and Hana continued. "You obviously didn't want this, and even if you're technically the cause, you can't take the whole responsibility for what happened either."
"Just like you that guy made a choice. He chose to try and attack you instead of surrendering. He chose to run with Talon to bully other people, knowing full well that they get into armed fights with Overwatch. Just like you chose to join and rejoin Overwatch. Just like you chose to try and save Caitlyn. And sometimes our choices and wishes clash, that's just life."
"...Yes, but did it have to end like this? Surely there would have been another way. Without bloodshed."
"Maybe. Maybe not. But sometimes things will only end when one side is dead or in pieces, no way around it."
"But why does it have to be that way? Why can't we just..."
All live in peace and harmony? Dream on. "I don't know." Hana admitted. "But that's just how things are. And sometimes those choices and wished were made way in advance, so at that point there's just nothing you can do about it anymore."
"What's that supposed to mean? That me shooting that man was predetermined or something?"
"Not like that. If you ask me, there's no fate but what we make. There is cause and effect, though. And maybe, the way things played out yesterday, by that point at least one person not making it out alive was inevitable."
"And that's supposed to make me feel better, how?" There was little sting in Angela's voice, only fatigue.
"It's… I know it sucks, but no matter how hard we try, we can't always do right by everyone. This is reality, not some nice and tidy Hollywood movie."
"I know that." Angela frowned. "What's your-"
"Then you gotta accept that sometimes shitty things like this just happen."
"It's not that easy, Hana. How aren't you-"
"Are you afraid it's getting easier?" Hana took a stab in the dark, but apparently she was right on the money, as Angela froze, continuing in a low voice after several seconds.
"...Yes. The first time I shot someone I was a complete wreck for days. I can still recall everything that happened that day crystal clear. But every time I… recovered a little faster, even without someone quite like you to cheer me up."
"And because of that you think that if this goes on long enough you'll turn into some sadistic killer slicing up people left, right and centre like a blood-splattered angel of death or something?" Okay, that was really overly edgy, no to mention cliché. "No offence, but you really should be smart enough to realise that's just dumb." Angela seemed a bit taken aback by Hana's bluntness, but before she could protest, the girl continued. "Yes you've gotten a bit better at dealing with it, but adaptation is a normal human reaction. Just like you've gotten used to healing people in combat or treating some really ugly injuries."
"Yes. That's exactly why-"
"But that's it. That's all there is. Look, we both know I can be an overly competitive, reckless gamer at times, so when I tell you it never gets easier you can bet your ass it doesn't. Yeah, I kinda got better at reacting and shooting, but that's just reflexes. When I stop and think about it, it's still just as bad." Which was why Hana usually did her best not to. "And have you looked at yourself, what you stand for and believe in? You're literally the least likely person on the planet to ever get used to killing."
"Hana, that's..." Angela almost seemed swayed, so Hana added one more.
"And besides, the very fact that you're even worried about this shows that you're in no danger whatsoever. You trust me, right?" Hana reached for both of Angela's hands, clasping them together inside hers in front of her chest. "So just believe me. It's not your fault you had to shoot that guy, he forced your hand. You did your best to save as many as you could, no one is gonna blame you." Except herself. "And you definitely don't have to worry about killing ever becoming easier for you. So please..."
Hana trailed off in a pleading tone, waiting for several seconds before Angela's unreadable expression finally turned into a smile and she broke Hana's grip to pull the girl into a soft hug instead. "I think I needed that right now."
"You're always there for me too, it's about time I returned the favour for once." Not to mention how seeing the one who would usually be her calm anchor this upset had been a little... unsettling to Hana.
"I suppose." Angela's voice was little more than a whisper, her light laugh almost inaudible. But she finally seemed to relax a little. "Danke, Liebling."
Yep, still here. In fact I managed to finish this upload on my birthday (depending on your time zone), so, go me, I guess? With huge thanks to my beta bruhxism once more.
Yay, more dialogue. A lot of dialogue. Go characterisation and backstory! That's really all I have to say on this one. That and the fact that of all things this is the place where I actually get some mileage out of the IT ethics lecture I had to take last semester. Featuring some slightly darker themes, but don't worry, the next one (which is already in beta as well) is gonna be nicer.
Also, all that stuff about feedback/criticism, thank you for reading, hope you enjoyed (I should just start copy-pasting one of these). See you in the next one.
Peace out
