Let The Ricks Fall Where They May

Written by Kat_Aclysm
Beta Read by Unlvcrjchick
Rated: - T for language

Disclaimers + Copyrights: Eh you know what? This IP is mine now, I stole it. You know where to send the cheques. (not rly pls don't sue)

NOTE: I don't think some of the memes that slipped into this chapter fit the time period, but exist for amusement. U mad bro? Also, the first 15 chapters have now been tidied/cleaned up for readability if you were wondering why the update delays existed.


Chapter 16 – Well Enough Alone

November 27th, 9:10am, Local Ship Time, 2001
Unnamed Nebula, Space
'Verdant Harbinger', Dimension Q-316


After leaving the hopelessly pathetic, parallel version of himself to rest, Rick had found a decent hiding spot inside a length of ripped air-duct and stuffed his hoard of coffee cans inside. He returned to wandering the labyrinth of corridors shortly afterwards, but further exploration only gave him more of the same story: broken fixtures, a run-down old ship, and overwhelming evidence everywhere he turned that something sinister had almost completely devastated the place.

A new observation had bothered him after that; the computer's map display showed that there was far more than he had previously explored so far, and while he had tried to get into the sealed areas, the RFID chip simply wouldn't grant him access. Rick was left to conclude that it was either because of his limited level of authority, or because they simply weren't viable enough to breathe in.

Ricktus had obviously planned it long before his arrival, that was for sure. He wanted to press the doctor for further details but wasn't sure how much he would give up; either way, he knew his 24-hour-quarantine deadline was definitely up and was keen to leave. He knew he shouldn't be so intrigued by it all, because as soon as he had his portal gun back he was likely to take off with Morty and never return or give the place another thought.

Key word - likely.

Rick silently cursed his curiosity; despite the frivolity of it all in the grand scheme of things, he still wanted to know. After checking the datapad's clock, the scientist cursed himself a second time; he had wasted so much time exploring that he still hadn't taken up the opportunity to pry in the terminal hub while the other ship inhabitants were still asleep.

His pace quickened as he moved back through the ship only to discover that nobody else was there as he arrived through the doorway; it meant he had the whole place to himself. With a devious smirk plastered across his face, Rick made his way over to one of the computers in the darkest corner of the room and sat down at the chair, depositing a very-sleepy Morty in his lap afterwards.

Within five seconds, he was in the system and browsing; it seemed that Surgeon Rick's 'advice' on the password had been right on the money and for a brief moment, the scientist considered the thought that it was difficult to hate such an underfoot figure.

He shrugged it off and began scrolling through files, immediately noting that they had no real order aside from the date that they had first been entered into the system. He chose one at random and opened it, reading the contents inside:

- x - x - x - x - x - x - x -

Log Date: 2001-05-02

Author: C-711 - Rick Sanchez we all have the same name so what's the point of this? I'm not entering my qualifications because this isn't a dick comparing contest
Subject: HE DED YO
Risk Level: That board game sucks
Classification: Unrestricted

I incinerated D-6342. He was dead. Cause of death was 2" of lead in his skull. Other symptoms included lack of movement, lack of heartbeat, and the copious amount of blood that he got all over my uniform. So inconsiderate, bro.

No further information needed because report protocols are fucking stupid.

MASTER EDIT: We need detailed accounts for record-keeping purposes. I will not tell you this again.

Well screw that!

- x - x - x - x - x - x - x -

Although Rick was amused by the highly unprofessional nature of the data entry, he took a quick chug from his hip flask and moved on to the next, having decided that the first one hadn't told him anything.

- x - x - x - x - x - x - x -

Log Date: 2001-05-06
Author: Q-316 Rick Sanchez (MD)
Subject: Project Rickdemption - claim D-1032
Risk Level: N/A
Classification: Restricted

My worst fears have been realized: there is not a sane one among us. We are all broken. There may be ones who are happy in their ignorance but they do not fall on the curve and are not worthy of further mention.

I've had to deal with nine dead-and-dying ones this week and it is taking a heavy toll on my sanity. I am incinerating D-1032 today. He was pushed off a ledge: an act of betrayal by his own comrades. He crushed vertebrae C2 and C3 in the fall and the fragments segmented his spinal cord. Lucky bastard - he likely didn't feel anything. We extracted him from his dimension and put him down as quickly as possible. In accordance with the council's requests, his portal gun has been dismantled and the core disintegrated.

This project is doing my head in. I need a victory somewhere. I want to feel useful again.

WARNING: Please follow appropriate biohazard-disposal protocols. This subject was in no way infectious but standards must be upheld.

- x - x - x - x - x - x - x -

Before the scientist could read any more, he heard the sound of heavy footsteps walking into the area and he froze; whoever it was, they were making absolutely no effort to hide themselves.

"Hey there, C-711," the unmistakable voice of another Rick made himself known as he called out to him from the doorway. "Do you enjoy working in the dark that much?"

Rick didn't respond and clapped a hand over Morty's mouth, his attention already on the door at the opposite end of the room; he knew he wasn't supposed to be here and didn't want a lecture about it. He also knew that he'd already been spotted, so simply slipping away was out of the question.

To Morty's credit, he stayed quiet.

"Did you finish processing that batch of specimens yet?" The other Rick didn't seem to pay him any mind as he sat down at his own work table. "We're falling behind schedule."

Rick was slightly taken aback; the other literally had no clue who he was speaking to. Then he had a crazy idea like so many before it; they all sounded the same and he could totally take advantage of the situation. He wondered if the other Rick would even fall for such a thing because if he was anything like himself, then he certainly wasn't stupid.

Only one way to find out.

"No," Rick finally replied, offering his best attempt at complete indifference. "Get off my back. Yo." As he threw in the last part, he vaguely considered the fact that he might be overdoing it.

"I understand, but perhaps you would be more productive if you stopped working 20-hour shifts. You need to start taking better care of yourself." Ricktus shrugged, his tone implying that he didn't care at all. "Just make sure you get it done as soon as possible. We need the data if we are going to decide how to proceed."

Rick couldn't help but raise an eyebrow; he was totally buying it. "Yep," he carefully picked Morty up and got to his feet. "Got it." He promptly retreated out of the room, feeling unsatisfied with what little he had managed to dig up and decided that he would have to come back another time.

"Wha... where are you going?" Ricktus called out to him, only to watch the spiky-haired, shadowy figure hastily walk off. He shook his head and muttered to himself as he went back to work. "I swear that guy gets crazier every day..."

Not even two minutes later, his actual intended conversational target casually sauntered into the terminal hub.

"Sup, boss." Surgeon Rick passed by his table with a lazy yawn. "Ready for another fun-filled day in paradise?"

"I..." Ricktus swiveled around in the chair and stared up at him incredulously. "What are you playing at?" He narrowed his eyes in suspicion. "What are you doing back here?"

"Uh, this is my job? Duh." Surgeon Rick's reply was rather nonchalant as he sat down at his own desk. "Unless you wanna dispatch me back to HQ, which we both know ain't happening anytime soon."

Ricktus continued to stare at him for what he knew was too much time as he tried to process what had just happened. "What the..." His eyes widened in sudden realization and he slammed a fist down on the desk beside him. "Son of a bitch... that arrogant bastard!"

"What the hell?" Surgeon Rick leaned back in his chair and cast his gaze back in the direction of his boss. "Seriously bro, I just got here and you're already mad. Chill it down a few notches, huh? It's too early for your shit."

"Shut up, C-711!" Ricktus snapped back at him. "If I wanted your opinion, I would give it to you!"

"What's got you so worked up anyway, sir?" Before he even finished the question, Surgeon Rick had already drawn a logical conclusion and broke into a fit of gravelly laughter. "Fuck! Really? Just... really? The other fucker was in here, wasn't he? You seriously thought he was me? Just how blind ARE you?"

"Oh, shut up!" Ricktus knew he was repeating himself, but he was already far too worked up and there was no way he could back out of this one. "I didn't ask for your input!"

The outburst only made his assistant laugh even harder and he needed a moment to contain himself. "Oho, SHIT, bro! You realize that even his Morty can tell us apart, right? Oh my god, go get your eyes checked! That's really bad, e-even for you!"

Ricktus stormed out of the terminal hub, his teeth bared in a snarl. "Stop wasting time and get back to work!"


The electronics lab was definitely a predictable place to retreat to, but at least it would occupy Rick's mind for a few hours and give him an excuse to be somewhere that he couldn't be moved from until his time was up and he could leave.

Meanwhile, Morty was in dire need of a nap and had lost his patience with being carried. He raised an audible protest as he thumped his grandfather in the chest and stomach with his little legs.

"Yeah yeah, I know," Rick grumbled at him. "You've had to put up with following me all day and you're bored, I get it. I'll find something entertaining for you to do soon, OK?"

Morty's response was little more than a soft growl.

"Stop it with the attitude there, buddy... you're really pushing the line." Rick warned as he deposited the youngster onto the ground at his feet, only to sigh in irritation as he watched him retreat into the surrounding area. "Well fine, go exploring if you want, b-but don't get into too much shit... and I shouldn't even need to remind you not to put anything in your mouth!" He turned away to take in his surroundings.

The inside of the lab was more like a storage warehouse and was much bigger than the room housing the collection of computer terminals. There was row after row of shelving stacked as high as the ceiling and each one was packed to full capacity with thousands of boxes of componentry and ship parts. There was certainly more than one could ever personally use in a lifetime, but for as impressive as it all was, all he wanted to do was check out the projects laying out on the workbench near the doorway.

"Hah, what kind of amateur bullshit could these idiots possibly be working on?" Rick felt a small sense of superiority as he picked up a battered ship console that had previously been used for the ship's local-communication network. One quick glance told him that it was not of human origin and simplistic in design, but despite the extent of the damage, it looked like a relatively easy fix. He set it aside and moved across the table.

Next, he found what he could only guess was some kind of broken decoder box and a smashed-up video-game controller, both of them far too boring for him to be bothered with.

There was a loud crashing sound nearby, and Rick turned around to discover that his grandson had already decided to occupy himself by pulling conduit boxes off the lower shelves and distributing their contents across the floor. He figured that there was no harm in it as long as there wasn't anything he could hurt himself on, and if he wasn't trying to eat anything hazardous, then he couldn't have cared less.

"Have fun over there, little buddy." Rick told him. "Though I really don't know why you keep going back to that. Is it cause-and-effect behavior, o-or do you just enjoy making a giant mess?"

Morty's reply was a joyful string of nonsense as he clumsily lobbed a conduit elbow at the older man; either way, it had certainly picked his mood back up.

Rick easily sidestepped the projectile and continued to browse across the table.

"Oho, nice... a holo-projector!" The scientist sounded like an excited child at the discovery of such a simple piece of technology. He picked up the small, half-moon-shaped object and began to tweak the controls. "Hey, Morty, come over here! You wanna check this out with me?"

Although a portion of the display was blacked out, arrays of pink-and-cyan holographic light burst forth from the base where it wasn't cracked. After the device had calibrated itself, the beams of light melded into crystal-clear imagery of galaxy systems along with the tiny speckles of solar systems within them.

Rick held the device at arm's length to show it off properly. "This is something you'd like. I mean it's kinda trashed, b-but... it's still pretty cool to look at."

Morty stopped what he was doing and came over to take a look at the pretty display.

"So you do like it, huh?" Rick smirked down at him. "I figured you might. Yeah, with this baby right here, you can input any coordinate within the known universe and this thing will display a map for you using the point you entered as the center." He continued to fiddle with the controls, seeming incredibly pleased that he had so easily captured his grandson's attention. "Though, I imagine you'd wanna see something a little more familiar, right?" A new holographic map was generated after he had entered the data. "Here's the solar system we used to live in... there's Mercury and Venus and," his breath momentarily hitched in his throat but he managed to catch himself, "Earth."

Morty didn't reply; he was mesmerized by the display and was too busy staring at it.

Rick placed the device on the ground next to the youngster before he could think too much more about it. "Y-yeah, it's best if you play with it... Grandpa's got shit to do..."

Morty immediately occupied himself with trying to grab the holograms and became confused when he discovered that they were intangible. The larger planets seemed to hold his attention the most and he lingered on Neptune and Uranus before finally deciding that he liked Saturn best.

"So you like the gas giants, huh?" Rick occupied himself by gently shaking a toaster and was vaguely curious to know why it was even there. "You'd never be able visit those places, but I know a terrestrial planet with an oxygen-rich atmosphere and that same ice-ring formation. When you get a bit older, I'll take you there... it's a good place to sleep off a hangover."

After a few more minutes of sifting through the repair jobs on the table, Rick relocated his portal gun, or at least the parts of it that had been left out. At least the thief had pulled it apart with meticulous care; the leftover pieces had been very deliberately arranged across the bench and he found corresponding handwritten notes along with his stolen blueprints. The device was very incomplete; the core was missing, as was the battery and one of the layers of circuit board. In its current state, it was little more than junk.

"Fucking great..." Rick snarled as he picked up the resin casing to inspect it. He discovered that although there were charred burn deposits up the inside of the handle cavity, it had remained completely intact. Even though the battery had obviously exploded, it had been contained without a single scratch, working just as intended. "I hope you know how to put this back together!"

"I've built a few for myself over the years," the voice came from the doorway, "I'd like to think I have a pretty good idea."

Rick narrowed his eyes in the direction of the unwelcome visitor. "Oh great... what do YOU want?"

"Such hostility," Ricktus wandered into the room and offered a pathetic attempt at a friendly grin as he stopped a few feet away from the workbench. "Did you know that you move quite quickly for someone who is supposed to be deathly ill? You keep defying all logic, I... I'm actually pretty impressed, to tell you the truth."

"Don't care."

"Look, I'll just come out and say it - I know exactly where you were just now." Ricktus suddenly glared hard at the other, his mood swinging to authoritative in an instant. "While I'd prefer that you didn't snoop around my terminals, I actually came to formally offer you a place in that room. You're still willing to document your knowledge on the Federation, yes? Hell knows we're sorely lacking..."

"Again," Rick grunted, "don't care."

"Oh, would you stop it already?" Ricktus huffed at him. "I get that you're pissed at me, but get over it. I'm not the enemy, Rick. When are you going to drop the tough-guy act?"

"I don't know," Rick hissed back, "when are you going to let me go? Time's up and I got places to be. I'd demand my portal gun back, but it looks like you've well and truly fucked it. Thanks a lot by the way, I-I kinda needed that!"

"Yes, well..." Ricktus cast a sudden awkward glance back towards the doorway he had come in through. "I have every intention of getting it back to you, but I've had some... minor trouble locating another battery."

"Are you kidding me?" Rick gritted his teeth. "How hard could it be? It was just a shitty, 4-amp hour stick cell from a DuhWalt impact driver that I picked up from Better Buy about a decade ago. It was just common Earth commercial trash. Not like it was rare or exotic or anything."

Ricktus stared back at him, then hastily took the handheld computer out of his top coat pocket. "Is that so? That information sure would have been useful several hours ago..." He feverishly typed the required information on the screen, then held it up to show him the display. "This it?"

Rick shrugged; he saw no reason to lie, especially if it meant leaving faster. "Close enough."

"Good. I'll get that sorted out later." Ricktus stuffed the device back into his coat. "I would put it on the next shipment, but our delivery guy is unreliable. He keeps losing my stuff even though it's very clearly spelled out on the dispatch forms."

Rick had to bite his tongue and stifle a laugh.

Although the doctor was confused by his captive's reaction, he let it slide. "When we get back to the ship, I'll let you install it yourself. I'm not going to risk breaking it again."

"Get back?" Rick's mood soured as he growled the words out. "You got that wrong. I'm not staying here if I can help it. Birdperson kinda sorta needs to know I'm not dead. Thanks for that too, by the way. H-has anyone even bothered to tell him where I am?"

"Your dedication to your friend is admirable, but all in good time. Did you forget already?" Ricktus slowly shook his head, finding Rick's current emotional state mildly concerning to listen to. "You've survived this long, so the plan is to take you to HQ and show you everything. I could spend hours talking about why we dragged you out of your dimension, but why waste your breath talking when you can just demonstrate? After that's all said and done, you're free to go."

"Oh, right. That..." Rick diverted his attention back towards the communication device on the table. "So, just out of curiosity, how much am I worth?"

Ricktus tensed ever so slightly in posture. "Uh, pardon me...?"

"Don't play dumb!" Rick harshly snapped at him. "Your lackey had the decency to fill me in already. Maybe he felt compelled to because he actually has a conscience or something, I-I don't know!"

Ricktus was silent as he observed Rick's behavior, and he took a singular step back towards the doorway.

Rick picked up the console and began to pry it apart. "Look, it's fine, I already know the story," his anger dissipated. "You want my intel and you wanna get paid for it, I get that. If I was getting a shitload of money, I would imprison me too, but I would at least have the decency to answer the fucking question." He picked up a screwdriver and used it to lever the top off the metal casing. "So, enlighten me... what's my current going rate?"

Ricktus made an uncomfortable noise and was hesitant to oblige his request. He had initially been preparing for retreat if his captive was going to fly off the handle, but now he was just nervous; he found this Rick's behavior impossibly difficult to predict. "That part is a motivator, but... it's not all of it." He spoke finally. "You see, you're a puzzle that needs solving. You should be dead and you're anything but, and I want to work out why. Surely you of all people can understand that?"

"So that's how it's gonna be, huh? Whatever..." Rick exhaled a short, frustrated sigh. "You got a soldering gun?"

"Huh?" Ricktus seemed taken aback; the question had seemingly come out of nowhere.

"Soldering gun," Rick scowled as he repeated the words. "You know, the zappy thing you use to melt and burn stuff? Surely you know what that is."

"Top drawer on the left." Ricktus frowned back at him. "You don't want to know what's wrong with you?"

"Not really... I've asked what I wanted to and if you're not going to give me a straight answer, then I don't care about the rest." Rick opened the aforementioned drawer and pulled up a chair to continue dismantling the console with the small handheld tool. "You know I hate repeating myself, but I've already told you that I think this whole thing is a waste of everyone's time. There's nothing wrong with me or Morty."

"How do you know?"

"I'm fairly certain," Rick grumbled. "If both of us got blasted with the type of radiation you're thinking of, then Morty would already be dead by now... I'm not entirely sure how much of a factor your bullshit serum thing was, but I'm willing to say not much."

"At the very least, it bought you some time," the doctor folded his arms across his chest, looking vaguely offended. "And it does a LOT more than 'not much', let me assure you!"

"Don't care." Rick snorted. "What evidence have you got to support your plasma-radiation theory? Why don't you just go back to the planet Earth in my dimension and take a detector with you to ground zero? That... t-that would answer everything."

"It really would, but," Ricktus paused uncomfortably before speaking the next words, "I doubt anyone will be visiting that place for a long time. There are constant gale-force winds and all the particles in the air are razor-edged glass shards. Anything that went there right now would be ripped to pieces."

"Send a probe." Rick offered.

"That would get ripped to pieces, too."

"So make one that wouldn't. Duh." Rick did not look up and continued his repairs, sending sparks flying across the table.

"Do I look like I'm capable of that?" Ricktus huffed at him. "That's your speciality, not mine. Case in point, what are you doing right now?"

"Fixing your shit for free because I'm bored." Rick grumbled. "Come on, stop getting off track. What other evidence have you got? Have you taken body mass into consideration yet? Because that one seems rather obvious... Morty would have received a much higher dose of radiation than me simply because he's little. He'd be more than dead - he'd be gelatinous glowing chunks by now."

"Yes, I did consider it, but..." Ricktus furrowed his brows deep in thought. "I'm still trying to work out the physics behind it all. Your Morty was strapped to your chest at the time of impact, correct?"

"Y-yeah... so what?"

"I'm willing to bet that you've taken the worst of it, and that your Morty was likely shielded by your body throughout the entire incident. It's been just over a week since I administered the curative serum to both of you, 8 days in fact. It should be out of your system by now, which means you should start deteriorating again... but you haven't. At all." Ricktus narrowed his eyes hard at the other. "Your Morty should have crashed too, but he hasn't. I want to know why."

"I know why," Rick finally looked up to glare back at him. "It's because you're wrong."

"How can you be so sure?" Ricktus almost sounded insulted. "Can you honestly tell me that you're both going to be fine with one-hundred percent certainty?"

"Well, no, bu-"

"Then DON'T discredit me." The other Rick's tone was firm as he cut him off. "Why would you do that without knowing all the details? Just because you're both asymptomatic right now doesn't mean that the pair of you are going to be fine tomorrow, or the day after that, or even in a week from now... in fact, you should start expecting the opposite. At least let me sate my curiosity before deciding I'm done with it!"

"What do you think we are, guinea pigs?" Rick rolled his eyes in disgust. "In the highly unlikely event that something does happen, which it isn't going to, then let me deal with it as it comes... it's always worked out just fine so far." Once he had gotten down to the center of the console, he pulled the piece of crystal out of his pocket that he had stolen earlier and began to solder it down.

"I... w-what..." Ricktus stumbled over his own words as he became flustered. "What the hell is wrong with you? Are you insane!?"

"Yep." Rick answered with a casual nod.

"Damn it, this isn't a joke!" Ricktus retorted, feeling himself becoming riled up. "Didn't you hear what I just said? You're not even entirely certain what happened yourself, and all you've got is an educated guess at best. Why would you put your Morty at risk like that? How can you be so confident that your health isn't going to decline again? Don't you have any concern for your own life!?"

"Nope." Rick answered matter-of-factly, then leaned back to fan solder smoke away from the circuit board.

"Well you should!" Ricktus growled. "If not for your sake, but your Morty's! Do you think he wants to die over your half-assed assumptions? Don't be so monumentally idiotic!"

Rick's only response this time was a wordless grunt, and he kept his focus on what he was doing.

"I can't believe how obstinate you're being... don't you know how serious this is?!" Ricktus raised his voice in anger. "I have detailed records on your personality and I can honestly tell you that you're not THAT stupid. I am left to conclude that you're only doing this to be stubborn!"

Rick smirked in spite of the conversation. "Well, I have been known to do some pretty stupid things..."

"Goddamnit!" Ricktus finally snapped and stepped back to pinch the bridge of his nose, giving himself a moment to simmer down again. "Look, you want evidence? I already gave you some. Do you still have that pathology report I attached to your release package? I'm going to explain it to you in detail whether you like it or not, because somebody has to talk sense into you!"

Rick made a soft, fed-up sigh as he set the soldering iron aside. "Will it make you go away faster?" He retrieved the report papers from his top lab-coat pocket and set them down on the table beside him. "Knock yourself out." He resumed repairing the communication console.

"You know, I get that you're bored, but there has to be another reason you're doing that." Ricktus raised an eyebrow at the other as he stepped in to retrieve the documentation. "Fixing that has no beneficial outcome to you."

Rick shrugged. "I do what I want."

Ricktus genuinely didn't know what to make of the response. "Is it a distraction? Because I get that... but how are you doing it so quickly? I've been struggling with that damn thing for well over a month, and there you go and fix it like it's nothing."

"You wanna know the big secret?" Rick gave him an arrogant smirk, seeming grateful for the change in subject. "Spoiler alert - I learned it. If you wanna know something, you gotta learn it. Big revelation, right?"

Ricktus hissed back at him through clenched teeth.

Rick couldn't help but chuckle, finding his dimensional counterpart's ire amusing. "C'mon, gimme some credit. I build robots for fun." He began to reassemble the console with the screwdriver he had found earlier. "Anyway, you should be thanking me, I've just upgraded it. I can't believe you were communicating on your local network using unencrypted channels, which is dumb if you don't wanna be found. Your computer terminals use crystallized xanthanite, which means you're smart enough to know how interdimensional communications work... yet you can't even fix your local channel? What the hell is wrong with you?"

"The terminals came from headquarters, so they weren't my doing." Ricktus kept his attention on the papers if just for a credible distraction. "I'm assuming you knew about that because you've been wandering around where you're not supposed to."

"Already told you," Rick clapped the cover back onto the console and screwed it down. "I do what I want." He pushed it back across the table now that he had finished with it.

"Well yes, you've made that apparent many times over..." Ricktus muttered grumpily as he leafed through the three-page document. "Have you even bothered to look at these numbers? I can print out the results that came back for your Morty if you want them as well, but there was nothing of concern."

"I told you so."

"Shut up, Rick." Ricktus flattened his brows, completely unimpressed. "For somebody who likes keeping himself well informed, you're doing a terrible job of it. If you wanted evidence, you should have read the damn thing in the first place!"

Rick folded his arms across his chest and matched his dimensional counterpart's expression.

"I need to emphasize how important this is because somebody has to... besides, I don't know what these numbers mean yet and it's driving me insane," he turned back to the first page. "You're mildly Vitamin-D deficient, which is pretty typical of somebody who spends most of his life in space. Your Vitamin-B12 levels are also terrible, but both of those are pretty easy fixes under normal circumstances. If only they were..."

"Uh huh." Rick made his disdain very apparent as he slid off the chair. "Whatever." He stood over Morty, who had since fallen asleep beside the holo-projector.

"Your antibody markers were boring but low, which means they're going to have to be reviewed again soon. At least you don't have any STDs or Space AIDS?" Ricktus offered him a dry laugh. "But your serum chemistry? Inconclusive. I couldn't get any data at all, and the only logical conclusion I can draw from that is because the residual curative serum in your system must have thrown out the numbers. I was told not to interfere prematurely yet I did anyway." Regret etched at the edge of his voice. "That one is on me, but it still doesn't explain the anomaly. You should have crashed by now. I really don't get it..."

"I'm going to stop you there. Just... shut up." Rick crouched down to retrieve the youngster from the floor. "I already told you I don't care."

"You should, because it leaves us with only one way to get credible data and nobody is going to like it."

Rick stood up again once he had Morty securely in his arms; that statement had been enough to regain his interest. "Oh?"

"Yes," the doctor did his best to remain stoic and clinical, but the fact that he was nervously playing with the corners of the pathology report he was still holding betrayed any detachment he was trying to show towards the issue. "The only course of action from here out is... to do nothing."

"Hey, you know what? That actually sounds great!" Rick's response was far too upbeat. "That's the most intelligent thing I've ever heard you say. I agree - let's do nothing."

"I don't think you understand what that means!" The other Rick sighed in exasperation. "You see, I'd dose you up with more curative serum, but the only way to see the full extent of your problem without clouding the results is to... well... let it happen and observe, then act accordingly."

Rick gave him a victorious, smug grin. "So you're saying to deal with it as it comes? My, where have I heard that before?"

Ricktus glowered at him over the top of his glasses, his shoulders sinking slightly in defeat.

"So you're planning for failure, huh? And not just regular failure... it's actually your whole damn strategy." Rick shook his head and made a soft, disappointed sound of mockery. "Ordinarily I would say that's dumb, but it's actually going to work out for you in this case. Here's what's gonna happen - nothing. Not to me, not to Morty. You're going to get frustrated and I'm gonna get even more bored than I am now."

"You still don't know that..."

"So let's go with your plan and find out which of us is going to be right then, OK?" Rick grinned even further, baring his teeth. "Because I wanna be the mayor of 'I told you' town."

The doctor's response was a tired sigh as he pulled the glasses off his face. "Are we actually agreeing on something here, or are you going to be stubborn about it again?" He placed a hand over his face and rubbed at his eyes before continuing. "Because I'll do it if it means obtaining the data, but this is not how I wanted to do it. I planned this whole thing out so much differently, but of course you decided to fuck it up right from the word 'go' and make everything difficult..."

"Oh, you think this is my fault? You didn't exactly make it clear that you weren't trying to kill me, you know. You also didn't exactly ask... you demanded. Why in the fuck would I ever take commands from somebody?" As much as Rick wanted to raise his voice, the sleeping child in his arms prevented him from doing so. "Don't blame me because you're having a hard time. You've also been pretty damn shitty since I got here, e-especially with the whole kicking me in the balls part. So fuck you."

"Touché." Ricktus scowled off to the side, deciding that he was becoming fed up of the whole conversation.

"So yeah," Rick was actually starting to enjoy the fact he was wearing him down. "I guess we are agreeing on something. Lucky you, huh? You're gonna get a ton of cash for doing absolutely nothing."

"Yes, nothing..." the other Rick's tone was cool and dripping with sarcasm. "This entire operation is a giant cover so I can sit on my ass and play video games all day."

"You know, I-I would actually hang around for that." Rick half-mocked, shaking his head in amusement. "So, if we're going to be spending some time working together, at least tell me how much I'm worth. And if the cash is only an incentive, then what the hell are you doing here? What's your endgame? Because you sure as shit don't seem like the altruistic type."

Ricktus made a soft noise of protest in the back of his throat. "You're really going to keep pushing that, aren't you?"

Rick narrowed his eyes. "You said if I cooperate, I can ask anything I want."

"I did say that..." Ricktus studied his captive's expression carefully. "You ask a lot of questions."

"Only because you're so damn evasive."

"Fine..." The doctor rolled his eyes and conceded. "I don't actually know your exact value, but the assistant and I get to negotiate that later today. So, you want to know why I'm here? You want to know why I'm running this entire operation?"

Rick raised an eyebrow in silent inquisition.

"Put simply?" The doctor placed his glasses back on and pushed them squarely back on the bridge of his nose. "I want my gold pin. I want accolades and recognition of my services to the Council."

Rick stared at him for a moment, then burst into a fit of laughter. "Wow, what the hell? You want a boy-scout badge and your ass kissed?!"

"S-stop that!" Ricktus hastily objected. "I'm being serious! Contributing to the Council's vast library of information is beneficial to all of us, Rick. As for you," he motioned to him with a pointed finger, "I want to document your current predicament so other Ricks of the medical persuasion will know how to treat it if it ever comes up again. Presenting you to the Council will put us all in much better places, trust me."

"Wow, you're really not kidding, are you?" Rick shook his head. "Phh, whatever. I'll entertain your damn 'council'," he emphasized the word by making air-quote gestures with his fingers, "and I'll prove you wrong. But all of that's gonna be on my own time, and only if I feel like it. Got that? No more of this... I don't even know what you're doing. I mean, I get that you're running this shitshow, but the whole attitude thing seems entirely unnecessary. Kinda makes you look like a douchebag."

"Yeah, I get that a lot."

"Well stop it," Rick grumbled back at him. "If you're gonna keep it up, I'm outta here. Got that?"

"Fair enough. If you can use your datapad to record and keep track of symptoms, I don't actually care where you go." Ricktus nodded; while he wasn't exactly pleased with the progress he was making, at least it was something. "And if you go downhill, I can just drag you back in here. I'm not going to let you die. I'd also like to collect more blood at some point, so I can compare the resul-"

"Way ahead of you," Rick cut him off, "Already done."

Ricktus couldn't help but stare at him. "Wait, what? How...?"

"That lackey you shove around," Rick answered with a casual shrug. "He asked me, so I let him. Wasn't that hard. Sometimes actually asking works, you know? You should try it some time."

"Rick, that didn't work for me when I tried to get you here in the first place." The doctor knew he looked positively stupid by now, but it still didn't stop him from continuing to stare at the scientist in utter disbelief. "There's got to be more to it than that!"

"There really isn't." Rick set Morty over his shoulder when he began to whine, and gently patted him on the back in the attempt to settle him again. "Keep your damn voice down, huh? I don't know how much sleep Morty needs, but-"

Ricktus interjected before he could finish. "At 18 months of age, it's about 11 hours."

Rick snorted in irritation. "He's not-"

The other Rick cut him off a second time. "He is next week."

"Shut UP!" Rick snapped back at him. "But it's less than one hour at the moment, and unless you wanna deal with the screaming when you wake him up, then I strongly suggest you shut the fuck up!"

"Rick, you're making more noise than I am now. Stop getting off track." Ricktus couldn't believe he was repeating the same thing that this Rick had told him not too long ago, yet there it was all the same. "How long ago were the blood samples taken?"

"I don't know," Rick growled the words out, making it apparent that he was still very grumpy. "Several hours ago? Why would I keep track of something like that? Who cares?"

The doctor nodded in reply and backed up towards the doorway, suddenly quite keen to leave. "We depart for the Citadel in approximately seven hours. I suggest you get some sleep. Take that Morty with you."

"Yeah, yeah, whatever..." Rick muttered in reply. "So... I still don't quite know what the hell's going on. What's so special about this place that you keep clinging onto it? Are you ever gonna tell me what happened to your ship, o-or what?"

Ricktus flattened his brow and his mouth set in a hard line. "I am... NEVER going to answer that."

"Hey, it doesn't matter to me. Once I have my portal gun back, I can just leave at the first sign of trouble." Rick stated bluntly. "Just for survival's sake, should I be concerned? Are you running from something?"

The other Rick's expression did not change and he remained completely silent.

"Come on, don't play dumb with me. That part was too easy to work out," Rick snorted derisively. "There's busted shit everywhere, a-and I mean everywhere. Just take one look at the walls, the ceiling, fuck... the whole place smells like a decaying fart."

"Rick, stop it..."

"And don't try to play it off as an accident either," Rick continued rambling, "I found evidence of plasma fire up the walls and one of your dead buddies was hanging around one of the hallways before the bees told me to piss off. Yeah, don't think I didn't notice those little details. What the hell are you so afraid of? What happened here?"

"Stop it," Ricktus's tone had become threatening, "I will not tell you again."

"So you ARE running from something?" Rick knew he was running his mouth off by now, but curiosity had taken over. "Is it coming back? Is that how you got yourself so mutilated?"

The scientist knew he'd hit a raw nerve when he saw his dimensional-counterpart's expression shift; for a brief moment his eyes widened and he looked like he'd just been wounded. Then he promptly covered for it by baring his teeth in a snarl and clenched his hands into fists, crumpling the pathology report he was still holding.

"MUTILATED!?" Ricktus roared with rage as he threw the papers down and stomped on them. "Where THE FUCK do you get off saying that to me, a-and how DARE you even suggest that?!"

Morty woke up with a startled jolt and immediately started bawling. He buried his face into his grandfather's shoulder and hugged onto him as he wailed even louder next to his ear.

"Oh fucking great," Rick hissed. "Great job, dumbass! I warned you. I-I fucking warned you!" He gave the little boy reassuring pats in the attempt to soothe him, though he was certain that his own anger wasn't helping very much.

Ricktus glared back at his captive, positively incensed. "You think this one is on me?! You're... y-you're the one sticking your face in places where it doesn't belong and talking about things you don't even understand! You don't know SHIT!"

"Yeah, duh," Rick's reply was dry and sarcastic. "Because you're leaving me to guess. Am I at least doing a good job? How much of it is right so far? Do I get points for this?"

"You know what? No... I'm not doing this with you anymore!" Ricktus waved both hands out in front of him, dismissing the whole conversation. "Do me a huge favor and just... get out of my sight. LEAVE!" He pointed sharply to the doorway and raised his voice again. "Be at the portal hub in seven hours. Do not be late or I will find you and drag you there myself!"

"Yeah, gladly," Rick retorted. "Anything to see the back of you."

"GET OUT!"

Rick paced out of the workshop again and carried a very-loud, upset Morty with him, a deep scowl set across his face. He was still very much riled up and annoyed over how Morty had been woken up, but now there was a nagging uncertainty eating at the back of his mind and it soured his mood even further; he genuinely didn't know if his health was going to deteriorate again or not. Either way, he didn't want the other Rick to be right.

At least he had learned how to push his buttons.


Rick retreated with Morty back to the room he had been staying in, but nearly an hour of trying to soothe the little boy had been to no avail. Rick was nearing his wit's end; he'd never really had to deal with crying quite like this before - he had always dodged it by palming his screaming daughter and grandchildren off to their respective mothers. It seemed incredibly counterproductive to him that an overtired child could put all his efforts into an activity that would only make himself even more tired, but then again Morty was far too upset and young to understand how to reason his way through anything logically anyway.

Rick had tried a number of strategies with no success; rocking the youngster and putting him over his shoulder hadn't worked. Lying down with him had also proven to be useless, as had the attempt to settle him with a warm bottle of formula; the kid was just far too worked up to care about any of it.

After another few minutes of enduring the little boy's unreasonable tirade, Rick bundled him up in one of the blankets from his bed and laid him down on it. He tried strumming out a couple of tunes on the guitar after that, but none of it did any good and he found it genuinely discouraging; music was one of his own greatest comforts besides drinking and if something like that wasn't going to work, then he had run out of options.

"Jesus, Morty... shut up, will ya? Your damn crying is giving Grandpa a headache." Rick grumbled as he set the guitar back in the corner of the room. "Come on, how can I make it better? Help me out here."

Morty's response was a short sniffle as he breathed in, followed by another upset wail on exhale.

Rick released a heavy sigh as he sat down on the edge of the bed; he'd run through everything he could think of and he was worn down by the noise. "At least it's not my fault this time. Well it kinda is, just not... me, as in actual me. Yeah... try not to think too hard about that, buddy."

Morty wasn't paying attention and squirmed under the blankets.

"Ugh..." Rick flopped backwards, his weight heavily sinking into the mattress as he tried to mentally block out the unbearable noise next to him on the bed. His eyes idly traced the bioluminescent, green lines on the ceiling as he tried to ponder other ideas, though he had to admit that he currently couldn't think of any. When he felt dull, vibrating sensations at his chest, he grabbed at the source of the annoyance and discovered that his handheld computer was paging him. He took it out of his lab coat and held it above his head, not bothering to get up. One quick tap of the screen revealed a pending message, which read:

-'As much as I do not want to talk to you, I owe you my thanks. Your repair job worked better than expected - the communication network is back online and running at optimal capacity. No pun intended, but the sound quality is crystal clear.'-

Rick rolled his eyes; if the other Rick truly hadn't wanted to talk to him, he wouldn't have sent the message at all. With a frustrated sigh, he reluctantly mashed out a reply. -'Yeah, because I'm great. Now turn on the encryption before you kill us all.'-

The computer buzzed only a couple of seconds later. -'How do I do that?'-

Rick had to close his eyes and cover his forehead with his free hand; the stupidity was actually painful for him to read. "You gotta be kidding me..." He sat up this time and angrily thumbed another reply on the keypad. -'There were several switches on the motherboard so one of them has to do something. Try opening the lid, dumbass.'-

-'How?'-

The computer was tossed aside this time; he wasn't even worth replying to and the scientist wasn't about to waste any more time on it while his grandson was still crying.

"Come on, kiddo... this has gone on long enough, you've made your point." Rick carefully picked up the still-squirming bundle of blankets and lightly poked it with a finger. "Why are we still doing this? You can go back to sleep anytime you want. There's nobody here but you and me, a-and you're the only one still hanging onto it." He was incredibly weary, but somehow managed to keep his tone gentle. "L-let it go, huh...?"

Morty stopped just long enough to catch his breath and began his protests anew.

"Well, shit..." Rick hissed through clenched teeth. He rose to his feet and began to pace back and forth across the room with the little boy over his shoulder, figuring that movement might help; he was willing to try just about anything by now. "Hey, computer, uh... give me somewhere quiet to go. I'm kinda over this, a-and maybe a change of scenery will fix it."

"Working," the computer's monotone voice chirped back at him from the bed. "Suggested locations are: Library. Zero-gravity chamber."

"Well that's stupid," Rick firmly declared. "Morty can't read. Why the fuck would I wanna go there?"

"Confirmed," the computer warbled back. "Displaying map directions to zero-gravity chamber."

"Wow..." Rick huffed as he moved over to pick the device back up. "Are you actually trying to be sarcastic or what?"

"Negative. My function is to give and receive information, not to humor you with meaningless conversation and 'fucking bullshit'. That's you. That's how you sound."

"Punk ass little bitch..." Rick muttered as he paced out of the room.

While the trip to the zero-gravity chamber was a short one, Morty decided to scream the entire way, though his weakening cries made it quite clear that he was finally tiring himself out. Rick swiped his RFID chip at the panel beside the door to open it and was met with a rather peculiar sight inside; the entire space was nothing more than a dimly-lit, metallic, hollow sphere with a glass-domed ceiling and a rather spectacular view into space. The chamber itself was massive; its diameter was easily the length of a football field.

Curiosity overtook the scientist as he held Morty in one arm and reached out with the other; he wanted to know how the ship's gravity generator could be so precise. He stepped off the ledge and began to drift across the open expanse; while he was a seasoned veteran when it came to space and the lack of gravity, his attention was still glued to the walls as if they would give up their secrets.

Meanwhile, the bizarre new sensation took up interest in Morty's young mind; he had never experienced weightlessness before, and while he still wasn't quite ready to give up his protest, it was certainly enough to begin quelling his cries.

This certainly did not go unnoticed by the scientist and he grinned down at the little boy, seeming quite pleased. "Well geez, Morty... i-if I had known that this was what you wanted, I would have just come here in the first place." He shook his head, though he was more than a little relieved. "Gravity is only temporary... just like everything else. You should remember that the next time you get yourself so worked up."

Morty's only reply was a soft whimper as he clung onto his grandfather's arm with both tiny hands.

Rick made a soft sigh. "Don't be like that. I'm not actually mad at you," he gently patted him on the back. "You just... like making things difficult sometimes." He was quiet as he pondered that thought; it sounded just like the complaint he had received about himself.

Morty was far too young to understand any of Rick's words, but the pitch and tone of his voice was enough to soothe him as was the feeling of floating; it was just like being rocked. He put his head down on his grandfather's shoulder, comforted by his closeness, his warmth and familiar scent, the combination of all these things finally putting his cries to rest.

"And there we go... good job, buddy." Rick tilted his head back and began to initiate a slow backwards tumble as he continued to drift across the open expanse; no matter how many times he'd been in zero-gravity, it was still one of his favorite things to do. "So... you like this too, huh? Y'know, I'm beginning to see a theme here. It's totally cool with me if you're into the whole space thing, b-but don't feel the need to impress me."

Soon enough, the gentle momentum lulled Morty into drowsiness and he started to fall asleep. Rick allowed him that; he was beyond exhausted himself and in dire need of peace and quiet. He secured the blanket around the both of them so that the youngster wouldn't drift away and simply floated across the hollow expanse until the little boy finally nodded off. Even though he didn't want to admit it, the sensations of weightlessness had similar effects on him and he found himself heavy with tiredness. He closed his eyes and gave up, succumbing to a dreamless sleep not long afterwards.

In the six hours that passed, neither of them were disturbed. When the handheld computer in Rick's pocket buzzed, he didn't notice it. It went off a second time and his RFID wristband loudly beeped but nothing happened; the spiky-haired man had been awake too long and was completely out of it.

Suddenly, the door to the zero-gravity chamber swung open and his dimensional counterpart stuck his head into the room, angry and in a fluster. "Hey B-526, what the hell are you doing? Didn't you get my messages?!" Ricktus called out to him. "We have an appointment with the Council and we need to get moving!"

When the doctor didn't get a reply, he was quiet. He squinted his eyes hard and cursed his defective vision as he scanned the chamber for his intended target; while his computer's positioning software had told him that his captive was at this location, he couldn't see anything. "I sincerely hope you're not trying to hide again," he called out a second time, "because this is an enclosed space and I'm standing at the only exit!"

It was then that he found them; Rick had drifted across to the far side of the room during his time asleep and was comfortably resting up against the glass, Morty still safely nestled in his arms. Although he was still anxious about being on time, Ricktus found himself reluctant to disturb them. Instead, he narrowed his eyes at the pair and felt sharp pangs of jealously stab through his chest; watching the pair genuinely hurt and he twisted his mouth into a hard frown.

"You're absolutely fucking clueless, Rick..." He hissed bitterly. "You have no fucking idea how lucky you are. Y-you goddamn son of a bitch."

As far as he was concerned, this whole thing was just becoming far too personal and a giant insult straight from the top of the chain of command.

At least it would all be over soon, or so he thought.


It was Surgeon Rick who would finally retrieve the pair from the zero-gravity chamber; he was elected to do so because of his less-abrasive personality and simply because his boss wanted to avoid another potential confrontation. As Rick followed him back through the ship, it was quite apparent that he was still in the process of waking up and in a bad mood. At least Morty hadn't woken up this time; he wasn't ready to deal with that again so soon.

"What's meant to be so great about this place you're dragging me off to?" Rick grumbled. "You idiots keep crowing about it, so it has to have some significance."

"It sure does." Surgeon Rick casually replied. "But it's more about survival than anything. It's a sanctuary and like, one of the only places left in the multiverse where you can hang out without fear of being hunted down. Kinda wish you'd found out about it sooner, huh?"

"Fuck you..." Rick lowered his head.

"Hey, fuck you back. I don't wanna deal with another grumpy asshole today." The surgeon quipped, but there was no hint of malice in the reply. "Shit's gonna change, you'll see. Your perspective is about to expand, as is your access to all kinds of crazy crap. So much good will come of this that you'll see it was all worth it."

"Keep telling yourself that." Rick narrowed his eyes as he continued to follow. "This is what I meant about the crowing..."

"Why don't you just shut up and give it a chance?" Surgeon Rick's suggestion carried a tone of genuine annoyance; he was becoming fed up. "It's like you haven't even seen it yet and you've already decided that you hate it. Stop being a baby, that's your Morty's job."

Rick flattened his brow; this hadn't even begun and he'd already lost his patience with it. "How long are we even going to be gone for?"

The question made the other stop in his tracks. "Why?"

"Have you ever taken a young kid out somewhere?" Rick grunted in annoyance, though it was more for the fact that he even had to consider something like this. "You need to take half a house worth of supplies with you, otherwise you're gonna have a bad time."

"Oh yeah, I hear you bro." Surgeon Rick nodded in reply. "Doomsday prepping and all that."

"Hey, come on," Rick protested. "Not cool."

"Aw shit..." Surgeon Rick seemed genuinely apologetic and rubbed the side of his head. "Yeah, sorry bro. Insensitive commentary and all that."

"I'd prefer it if you didn't bring it up again." Despite his words, the scientist was grinning now. "Just kidding, I don't care."

"Oh... OK?" Surgeon Rick shook his head, not knowing what to make of what he was hearing. After another moment, he opted for the safer route and just continued to lead the way. "Well, fuck you again."

It was just too amusing and Rick's mood finally started to pick back up; maybe this wouldn't be so bad after all.

Five minutes later, Rick was armed with a backpack full of baby supplies and Surgeon Rick escorted him to the portal hub at the head of the ship. Ricktus was already waiting for them and folded his arms across his chest, tapping his foot impatiently.

"Took you long enough!" He called out the moment he saw them approach, wanting to express his disapproval. "What was the holdup?"

"Best if you don't ask, sir." Surgeon Rick replied in his bored, professional air. "Might I remind you that the assembly meeting doesn't occur until midday in the Citadel's local timezone? I mean, I know you like to be punctual but we have loads of time to dick around at the other end."

"No, you may not." Ricktus glared back at his assistant. "You don't get to decide what we do on the other side."

Surgeon Rick rolled his eyes and decided that it was better to just keep quiet.

"Anyway, Rick," Ricktus diverted his attention towards the scientist. "Not that you've asked, but what you see before us is a great piece of Council-developed technology called a 'portal hub'." He motioned to the device with a hand. "Because this ship is essentially an object moving through space at several hundred miles an hour in Dimension Q-316, you can't just enter a stationary coordinate and expect to come back to the same place. If you entered the one I gave you when I first sent you the summons order, it would dump you out at this spot. You can use it anytime you need to get back here."

"I-I know how a portal hub works! You didn't need to tell me." Rick grumbled. "I used to steal them from the Feds all the time. I backwards engineered them to make my first portal device, though the first ones weren't portable. They also had a nasty habit of randomly blowing up."

"Oh, there's one last thing before we go through..." Ricktus clicked his tongue awkwardly, then glanced at the small, wheeled cart off to his side. "It's necessary, but... you're not going to like it."

"What is it?" Rick narrowed his eyes suspiciously.

Ricktus reached across the cart to pick up a pair of electromagnetic wrist cuffs, and then the nerve-inhibition collar that he had used to catch Rick in the first place. "You need to wear these."

Rick glared at the objects with utter contempt. "You... y-you gotta be fucking kidding me..."