Let The Ricks Fall Where They May

Written by Kat_Aclysm
Beta Read by Unlvcrjchick
Rated: - T for language

Disclaimers + Copyrights: I don't own Rick and Morty broh! Don't sue me broh! Don't taze me broh! See earlier chapters for previous copyright stuff.

NOTE: Yay I kept it under 9k for once! Enjoy a slightly more light-hearted chapter for once.


Don't know where your mind is, baby
but you're better off without it

Looks like it's time to decide
Are you here?
Are you now?
Is this it?

All of those selves that you tried
Wasn't one of them good enough?

- Upside Down & Inside Out – OK Go


Chapter 20 – Rickturn Of The Squanch

November 28th, 5:02am, Local Time, 2001
Underneath Birdperson's Tree
Bird World, Dimension B-526


It had been early evening on the ship when Rick had departed Dimension Q-316. Now he found himself looking at the dawn of the same day over the horizon on Bird World, and the air was warm and thick with humidity; the tropical climate was already uncomfortable enough to remind him of how much he hated it. The scientist did a quick calculation in his head for the coordinates to the landing of Birdperson's tree house and fired another portal at the base of the tree after inputting them into the portal gun.

"There's no way in hell I'm climbing that thing ever again if I can help it." Rick smirked as he kicked the care package through the swirling green vortex. "Come on Morty, let's go up. With some luck, Birdperson is still asleep and we can sneak in a nap before he knows we're here." He stepped into the portal and reappeared at the front door of the tree house.

After carefully setting Morty down on the wooden boards beside him, he dragged the box in through the front door. It was at that moment that Rick made note of two interesting observations; the floor of Birdperson's living room was littered with wooden shipping crates, and there was a small, dusty-orange, anthropomorphic feline-like creature fast asleep on the couch.

"Ugh, Squanchy... great. What is he doing here?" Rick muttered aloud, not entirely happy to see him; although Squanchy had always been an ally to him through thick and thin, it still didn't stop him from finding him almost unbearable to deal with. He was also far too obnoxious for his liking and his liberal usage of the word 'squanch' often became grating to listen to. He had a burning desire to know what he was even doing on Bird World, but the urge to get away was even stronger.

"Come on, Morty." Rick told the little boy in a low murmur, not wanting to wake the feline up. "Let's get outta here before he sees us... I-I still wanna take that nap." His pace quickened as he took the box with him into the hallway.

Morty watched his grandfather leaving and stopped in front of the couch, his gaze fixed on the creature's tail. "Oooh..." He watched it flicker back and forth, then reached out to grab it. "Eeee!"

"Morty, what are you doing!?" Rick stopped in his tracks, then turned around to harshly whisper at him. "Get your ass over here!"

Morty looked back at the spiky-haired man and chose to disobey his instructions. He gave the slender tail a delicate tug and tried to pop the fur-tufted end into his mouth.

"Morty!" Rick hissed in anger.

The feline creature gave a loud yowl as he was startled awake. In one swift movement, he sprang off the couch and tumbled down over the back of it. "What the squanch was that!?" A moment later, he cautiously peered around the side and locked his beady, yellow eyes on the little boy. When he turned his head and noticed Rick, his face lit up in a wide, toothy grin. "Sanchez!? Oh my squanch, it IS you, ya' sly old bag of squanch! Glad to see you're not dead after all!"

"Hey, Squanchy..." Rick replied in an unimpressed tone, his brows low and flat. He really didn't have the patience to deal with him right now, but the last statement was enough to pique his curiosity. "Wait, what?"

"And who's this little bag of squanch?" Squanchy moved to stand next to the youngster, only to laugh when he watched him retreat towards his grandfather. "Not very squanchy, is he?"

"Uh, that's my grandson, Morty. He's... gonna be hanging around with me." Rick reached down to pick Morty up and set him over his shoulder to keep him calm. "Everyone thinks I'm dead?"

"Yeah, man." Squanchy nodded as his grin faded again. "It's bad. Everyone's real upset about it. They all thought you were a goner." He sat back down on the couch and lowered his head. "News travels fast around the galaxy. After I heard about what happened to your planet, I squanched my ass over here as fast as I could, but I was already too late..."

Rick grunted in disapproval, but at least it had answered his question.

"Birdperson told me what happened," the feline creature went on, "but we didn't believe that anything could squanch the Great Rick Sanchez so easily, you know?"

"Well, yeah. It would take a lot more than an inferior parallel version of myself to kill me, but it's not like I'm invincible. Besides, he didn't want to kill me, at least, uh... it's complicated." Rick sighed in frustration and carried Morty with him to the couch, as he conceded to the fact that he would have to talk to the feline creature after all; now that he'd been spotted, there really was no slipping away. "I-it's been an interesting couple of days..." He shook his head, not even knowing how to begin explaining that one.

"Oh man, Sanchez... you have no idea how happy everyone's gonna be!" Squanchy laughed suddenly and threw his paws in the air. "Yeaaahh! And Birdperson's gonna be so squanchin' relieved. You should totally get out there and tell him!"

"You mean he's not here?" Rick raised an eyebrow, finding the new information unusual; he had never known Birdperson to be out of his tree house while it was still dark outside. Still, he didn't mind, and now he had a viable excuse to take off again.

"Nah, man." Squanchy quickly shook his head. "He squanched off just before the dawn. They're all out workin' and doing some other squanch I don't know much about."

Rick let out another long, irritated sigh; Squanchy's substitution of verbs usually made enough sense if he thought about them, but he was fast losing his patience with the whole conversation. "I was only gone for what... two or three days? Is something going on that I should know about?"

"Why don't you just go out there and squanch for yourself?" Squanchy chuckled at him. "I'd come with ya, but I totally gotta stay here and guard the squanch."

"What?" Rick narrowed his eyes in confusion, then waved a hand as if to dismiss it entirely. "Phh, you know what? Forget it." He held onto Morty as he moved off the couch again and headed for the hallway.

"Squanchin' hell, Sanchez." Squanchy stared at the bandages on his left hand. "What'd you do to yourself?"

"It's not important." Rick replied in a short tone that suggested he wasn't going to talk about it. "I'll go find Birdperson myself, just give me some directions."

"They're all workin' at some village, I think?" Squanchy shrugged again, for he hadn't really been paying attention. "Birdperson's been goin' there a lot since I got here. Says it's real important for the fate of the galaxy or some squanch."

"That's... t-that's not useful to me." Rick scowled as he stopped and turned around again. "Come on, Squanchy, think! How am I supposed to find him with that kind of info!?"

"Squanchin' hell, Sanchez!" Squanchy yelped back at him. "That's all I know! Don't squanch me!"

Rick made a loud huff and stomped off down the hallway again; he hadn't even been back on Bird World for ten minutes and he was already over it.


Rick found himself staring at the walls of the spare nest room the instant he had walked in; somebody had removed every last one of his blueprints and only the thumbtacks remained. While he had been meaning to take them down at some point anyway, he couldn't help but wonder if it had been done for a specific reason in his absence.

"Something's definitely going on here, Morty..." The scientist thought aloud to himself as he paced towards the table to inspect it, only to discover that everything was untouched. He picked up the tiny, wooden spaceship that had been left to dry out after his run-in with the storm and gently tossed it over to the little boy. "This is yours, kiddo. I-I don't know what's going on, but there's only one way to find out."

Morty immediately pounced on the toy. After picking it up in his little hands, he lobbed it back at his grandfather with a loud, joyful squeal.

Rick didn't even flinch when it bounced off his arm. "So you do like it after all, huh? Do you want your portal gun back, too? It's still in that box we brought in with us." He made a soft, dry laugh. "If only I'd gotten mine back so easily..." After picking up the baby harness, he held it out in front of him to show it off. "You wanna help me find Birdperson, Morty? I could use another set of eyes."

Morty's reply was another squeal as he clumsily ran across the floor towards his favorite person and crash tackled him around the legs; he had no comprehension of what was being asked of him, but he was happy anyway.

"I take it that's a yes?" Rick shook his head, though he was grinning. "Pretty lame way to say it, if you ask me."


The only useful instruction that Squanchy had given Rick was 'village', so off he went. As he made his way through the wilderness beyond the tree house community, he realized that he only knew the general direction of the place; Birdperson had flown him there the first time around. Knowing which way to go wouldn't have helped now anyway; the landscape had been changed considerably by the storm. Despite the extent of the damage, the well-worn pathways were still present, so he used them to navigate.

By the time Rick had traversed all the way there, the sky had clouded over and a light dusting of rain covered everything around him. He was also reminded of the pain under his ribcage; it seemed the drugs he had taken earlier had worn off. All of these factors contributed to his bad mood as he stepped onto the cobblestone pathway at the edge of the clearing just beyond the village.

"Ugh... why is it so humid!? Fuck this shit!" Rick snapped at nobody in particular as he ran his fingers through his mess of spiky hair to flick the water out of it, even though he knew it would do no good.

The outburst attracted the attention of a passerby, who recognized the flightless biped immediately and raised her head to the sky to call out a loud, melodic song of warbles as she communicated her find to the rest of the flock. A reply came from the trees high overhead and the owner of the call broadcast the song even further. Off in the distance, more bird people called back, and the chorus erupted throughout the village and beyond as even more of them joined in.

"Goddamnit!" Rick exclaimed in his frustration. He vaguely recognized the song from his days fighting the Galactic Federation after Bird World had been invaded; it was part of their culture to announce the arrival or return of a well-respected member of the community. He hadn't meant to draw attention to himself, but now he was the subject of a battle-cry in a language that he couldn't even understand, let alone speak.

There was a flurry of wing flaps as the bird people abandoned what they were doing to see for themselves if the words of the song were true. Before the spiky-haired man could do anything else, more than fifteen of them had flocked towards him with more coming as each second ticked over.

"The Destroyer of Worlds returns!" One of them happily cried out.

"The flock remembers." Another bird person firmly declared, while another three echoed the same words after the first one had spoken.

"Ugh, no..." Rick backed away, repulsed by the fact they saw him as some kind of celebrity. "N-no! What the hell did I do to receive that kind of welcome? I was only gone a few days!"

Morty was overwhelmed by all the unfamiliar faces crowding in on his position and promptly burst into tears.

"Rick," Birdperson's ever-present monotone voice called out as he pushed his way through the gathering. "You are alive."

"Fuck yeah, BP!" Rick's face lit up with genuine happiness the moment he saw him. "It'd take a lot more than some asshole version of myself to take me out!" His grin faded. "He didn't hurt you, did he?"

"No," Birdperson slowly shook his head. "I was knocked out of the sky and my senses were stunned, but no real harm was done." His neutral expression did not change. "I am glad to see you were finally able to get away."

"Phh, I didn't... he let me go." Rick scowled as he took Morty out of the baby harness and gently rocked him in his arms. "Shh, stop that, buddy. I'm here, OK?"

"Rick, I do not understand." Birdperson raised an eyebrow. "Why would an alternate version of yourself capture you just to let you go?"

"Oh boy, that's a loooooong story." Rick sighed in exasperation. "If you've got time to sit down, I'll tell it to you later," he turned to glare at the rest of the crowd. "Once these goddamn eavesdroppers and hangers-on decide to piss off, o-of course. What are you even looking at? Don't you have work to do!?" He paused in thought. "What the hell is going on, BP? Last time I was here, there wasn't this many people around."

There was a collection of disapproving mutters as the crowd began to dissipate again.

Birdperson nodded in understanding. "It seems that we would both benefit from sitting down and having a talk together." He turned away to motion a hand to the surrounding area. "Much has changed in your absence, Rick. That storm you were caught in was the advent of the wet season and summer, which means the time for growing and harvesting food has arrived. We are gathering supplies for-"

Birdperson's words were drowned out by the sudden powerful roar of plasma-fuel engines as two flying transportation vehicles descended through the atmosphere and sailed high over their heads.

Rick's eyes widened in reaction to the noise and every fiber of his being tensed; it was the exact same sound he had heard shortly before his home planet had been swarmed and vitrified. "Whoa, NO, NOT AGAIN! HOLY SHIT!" He cried out in alarm as he tightly held onto Morty and instinctively bolted.

Birdperson promptly reached out to grab the spiky-haired man by the collar of his lab coat before he could get too far. "Calm down, Rick. There is nothing to be afraid of."

Rick did not hear him in his fervent struggle against him; his mind had switched into irrational panic and all he wanted to do was run.

"Rick, calm yourself." Birdperson tried again as he held him firmly in place. "It is just vehicular assistance from the planet Squanch. They arrived not long after you disappeared bearing news that the Galactic Federation has been particularly active in recent weeks. Hostile forces have been spotted across several locations throughout the galaxy, including planet Schbamba and Glapflap's third moon. It would appear they have their sights on more targets other than yourself."

The explanation seemed to get through to the scientist and he finally stopped again, but he was visibly shaking as his mind returned him to reality. "H-holy fucking shit... I-I didn't need that..."

"Rick, I understand that you have been through a lot," Birdperson's stoic expression was betrayed by the faintest hint of a frown; there was no way he would ever be able to describe that accurately. "But you need to be updated on the situation at hand. It would do you some good to sit with me in my tree house and listen to all that has transpired since your disappearance from Bird World."

Rick let out a heavy sigh. "Y-yeah, I guess so..." He placed Morty over his shoulder and soothingly rubbed his back, though it was partly for his own benefit as well.

Birdperson was silent as he watched his friend's body language; Rick typically guarded himself behind anger, fake happiness, alcohol, or a combination of any one of those things. However, all he saw now was open vulnerability and it made him feel protective. "Rick. We are going back to the tree house." He spoke with resolved firmness, having decided that he needed to know sooner rather than later.

"Huh?" Rick quickly shook his head to object. "B-but I just got here!"

"Rick, secure your hatchling." Birdperson unfurled his wings. "We are leaving."

Rick rolled his eyes in annoyance but saw no reason to continue; he'd already achieved what he'd came for. "Y'know, I have my portal gun working again and the last coordinate in the memory was to your front door, s-so... I could just, uh..." He took it out of his lab coat and fired at the wall of the nearest building. "After you?"

Birdperson stared at the portal as it adhered to the structure; although he had seen them many times before and knew what they were, he was still hesitant before stepping through.

"See that, Morty? Even Birdperson knows portals are fun, you cowardly piece of shit." Rick finally managed a small grin as he headed in after him.


After arriving back on the landing of his tree house, Birdperson looked around him if just to reorient himself; he'd always found portal travel to be rather disconcerting. "I don't know if you know this or not," he spoke aloud as he got his mind back on track, "but Squanchy is going to take up residence inside my house until the Squanches refuel and supply their ships for the journey ahead."

"Yeah, we had some words before I left to find you." Rick frowned as he moved ahead to push the door open. "So a bunch of shit has happened after I left. Hit me up with your story first, BP." He set Morty down on the floor beside him. "I'll tell you all about mine after you're done."

Birdperson nodded in agreement. "These crates you see around my living room contain weapon shipments. In exchange for fuel and supplies, the people of planet Squanch have temporarily armed us until we can manufacture more of the weapons you designed all those years ago when you helped us to defend Bird World." He paused to gather his thoughts. "My people have been hard at work with that while others are farming food stocks for the journey ahead."

"Oh, god!" Rick almost wanted to laugh with embarrassment. "Is THAT why you tore my blueprints down?! You know how fucking old those were, right? A-at least let me design you new ones!"

"Heeeey, squanches!" Squanchy cheered as he walked out into the living room. "I heard you guys come in." He turned to face Birdperson. "Isn't it great? Sanchez is back and we didn't even have to do anything! We got the whole trio back together now, let's get out there and squanch it!"

"What is he talking about, Birdperson?" Rick sat down on the edge of the couch, though his attention was on Morty to make sure he didn't get into anything.

"Rick," Birdperson moved across the room to sit down beside him. "As I said before, the Galactic Federation is on the move again. The Squanches have arrived to protect Bird World, but they are leaving as soon as their ships have been adequately stocked with food and fuel. They are looking to take the fight straight to the Federation and push them off planet Schbamba before it meets the same fate as your world." The feathery male bowed his head in respect for the fallen. "They are also looking to recruit more of my kind to take with them."

"Heh, always need more corpses for the cause, right...?" Rick dryly mused.

"Yes, Rick." Birdperson answered truthfully, ignoring his dark humor. "My ideals on freedom have not changed and I doubt that yours have either. The Federation's grip on the galaxy is only going to become stronger as time moves on and I am considering rejoining the fight against them."

"Seriously...?" Rick didn't know whether to encourage him or talk him out of it; he couldn't bear the thought of losing another person that he practically considered family.

"It will never be enough until their regime is defeated." Birdperson spoke again. "There is nothing here for me on Bird World - I do not have a mate or hatchlings of my own, and even the family I came from is so far dispersed across the world that we never see each other." He stared at Rick deliberately before speaking again. "You should consider coming with us. You could not have timed your return any more perfectly."

Rick's eyes widened at the suggestion and felt his heart torn two ways; he wanted more than anything to rejoin the resistance for the opportunity to exact his revenge on the Galactic Federation. However, he also had to do right by Morty and just couldn't subject him to growing up amid the heat of intergalactic war. "I... I-I can't..."

"Why not?" Birdperson's feathery brows raised in surprise.

"Morty needs me..." Rick lowered his head. "I'm all he's got left. I-I can't do that to him, BP. I can't just leave him and..." He trailed off and went quiet again. "No."

"Squanchin' hell, Sanchez." Squanchy piped up. "You leave one day without any kind of explanation, and then you come back all these years later with not just a kid, but a grandkid? You've really changed."

"Maybe I have!" Rick spat back with sudden charge in his voice. "What's it to you, anyway!?"

"Rick," Birdperson's voice became serious as he tried to put the conversation back on track. "Nobody would think ill of you if you left Morty in the care of one of the mothers here on Bird World. There is not a single person alive on this planet who would not volunteer to protect him while you fight in the name of freedom. Anyone would be willing to repay the debt after all you have done for us. I know my neighbor would be one of the first to volunteer after what you have done for her hatchling."

"NO." Rick said with resolved firmness. "I-I've already ruined one family by running after a war that wasn't mine to fight, a-and look what happened to them..."

"Rick..." Birdperson's tone remained flat, yet the feathered comb on his forehead flared up; there was absolutely nothing he could say.

Squanchy made his disgust known with a loud hiss. "It's a total squanchin' bummer, that's what it is! If only we'd known sooner, you know? The Squanches would have defended Earth in a heartbeat for ya, but they didn't even think it was a hotspot. The damn Feds really had it out for you, Sanchez." His ears drooped in sadness. "I'm so sorry, man. They're fightin' dirty now, it's squanchin' bullshit!"

"I-it's fine..." Rick quickly lied. "They've sure as HELL made it personal now, b-but..." He clenched his hands into fists and furrowed his brows in firm determination. "I can't go with you. I-I'm not tearing this family apart before it's even had a chance to begin."

"Rick," Birdperson tried again, "Morty will be fine if you leave him here. The people of Bird World will take care of him. Maybe he will even surprise you with his resilience as he grows." He did his best to sound more convincing. "He may even learn from it and join the resistance as well when he is old enough. I also grew up in a state of war and I am fine for it."

Rick twisted the edges of his mouth into a hard frown; he thought Birdperson's statement was debatable. "This isn't his war to fight..." He shook his head again. "No, Birdperson. He's better off growing up away from all of that shit. Besides, he needs to grow up around his own kind, as in, uh... humans."

"What about you, Sanchez?" Squanchy idly flicked his tail. "If you didn't have the grandkid around, what would you do?"

"Shit, Squanchy..." Rick growled in frustration. "Don't make me consider hypotheticals, t-there's... there's no point." He buried his face in his hands, the deeply conflicted feeling flooding his mind all over again. "I can't make the same mistake again. I already ruined one family, I'm not destroying another. M-my answer is no, and that's final."

"Rick," Birdperson tried one last time. "Would you at least be interested in offering auxiliary support? Your ability to design weapons and incendiary devices could give the resistance a genuine fighting edge and a chance to beat the Federation at their own game."

"NO, Birdperson!" Rick finally snapped and got to his feet. "Goddammit, NO! Y-you think I don't want to!? What the fuck is wrong with you two!? You know I'd like to rip their fucking heads off as much as you guys, m-more than anything!" He clutched at his hair spikes in his anger. "Fuck it, I want to. But I CAN'T! I'm already putting Bird World at a huge risk just by being here!" He finally stormed off out the front door.

Birdperson settled back on the couch and let him go, though the last statement worried him; Rick obviously knew something he didn't and he knew he would have to press him for details when he was in a more-agreeable mood.

"Squanchin' hell," Squanchy laughed awkwardly. "That... didn't go well, did it? I woulda thought Sanchez would leap at the chance to get back out there and squanch their buggy asses. What do you think changed over all these years?"

Birdperson averted his gaze towards Morty. "Everything."


Rick sat on the landing of Birdperson's tree house and brooded over the conversation while he watched the ships rocket past his location high overhead. He was dusted in another light coating of rain but didn't care this time; he was too busy processing what was going on and what to do next. Although the arrival of the ships from planet Squanch were rather sudden, he wasn't surprised; when the Galactic Federation did something as drastic as vitrifying an entire planet, the rest of the galaxy sat up and paid attention.

When Birdperson came out with Morty, Rick was only too happy to take him just to have some company. The scientist secretly appreciated his grandson's tender age now; he was too little to argue or offer his own input.

"You're a good kid, Morty..." Rick sighed as he pulled him into his lap. "So much goddamn shit is going on, and everyone wants a piece of your grandpa."

Morty wordlessly flopped down onto his back and looked up at his grandfather's sad eyes with intense curiosity.

"Between trying to stay alive, being wanted by those idiot mes, that council of fake mes, and now this shit? It's all too much..." Rick looked down at him and began to voice his frustrations even though he knew Morty was too young to care. "It really doesn't stop, does it? I wish you were big enough to tell me what you wanted. You're about the only one I'd listen to at this point, i-it's all about you after all."

Morty's only reply was a soft burp and silence; he had no capacity to comprehend what his grandfather was asking him and was just content to lie there in his company.

"I guess we'll figure it out eventually, huh?" Rick muttered. "Just wish we could catch a break..."

The scientist continued to watch the world around him. He soon found himself wondering if it had been worth it at all; he'd lost his own world as a result of saving this one. Perhaps in some strange way, that was the universe's answer to restoring balance, but just as quickly he decided it was all crazily chaotic and random. He moved throughout the day to take care of Morty's needs as well as his own, but always returned to the same spot to think. Surgeon Rick had been right; he could go anywhere and do anything, but that still didn't help. Even after everything, he still didn't have a clue what to do or how to fit Morty into any of his future plans, not that he really had any just yet.

It was sunset by the time Birdperson chose to come out and try speaking to him again; the strange little human had been out there all afternoon and he figured that he might finally be in a more-agreeable mood.

"What are you still doing out here, Rick?" The feathery male moved to stand behind him. "You are aware that you can come inside anytime and make yourself more comfortable."

"I'm watching the everyday meanderings of a world that doesn't have to contend with enslavement or genocide." Rick answered abruptly. "What's your excuse?"

"I am concerned for your well-being, Rick." Birdperson admitted. "I do not know what to say or what to do, but you are in great pain and I cannot stand idly by and let you suffer." He carefully sat down beside him. "Please tell me what to do."

"Can't," Rick grunted, "I don't even know what to do myself..."

The two sat in the silence of one another's company as the sun continued to go down. By the time it was a small sliver on the edge of the horizon, the stars had come out and Morty was fast asleep in his grandfather's lap.

"Humor me, BP," Rick spoke quietly. "I don't even care if your answer is biased or an attempt to make me feel better." He grunted in distaste at the thought. "Which one would have been more worth it? Saving everyone on Bird World at the cost of my family, or staying the fuck away from the Gromflomites in the first place? Because if I had done the latter, then Beth and Summer would still be alive."

"Rick, I am not sure if I understand why you are asking me this." Birdperson furled his wings around his shoulders. "Do you regret the choices you have made? There is no correct answer because there is death regardless of the outcome."

"No, it's OK, BP." Rick quickly dismissed the statement. "What would you have done personally? Kept your family alive, o-or save everyone here? What's more worth it? A whole lot of lives that you didn't really give a shit about, or just a few valuable ones?"

"Rick, it sounds like you are trying to make sense of a senseless act of destruction and death." Birdperson's wing feathers ruffled in agitation. "The value of a life is not quantifiable, and to lose one is a great tragedy regardless of circumstance. I strongly suggest that you stop entertaining these thoughts because whether it was my world or yours, it would not have mattered."

Rick narrowed his eyes; he hadn't expected that kind of answer at all. "What do you mean...?"

"Rick," Birdperson moved to his feet again. "If there was nobody to stand up to the Galactic Federation, they would have eventually conquered every inhabitable planet within the galaxy. First it would have been my world. Then Squanchy's. Then Erikeek and Glapflap, and so on. They would have eventually found Earth and subjugated it or destroyed it, just the same as they have done to every other planet."

"Tch..." Rick turned his head away; Birdperson was right.

"The Galactic Federation will not stop until they control everything," Birdperson continued. "Somebody needs to resist them. Bird World exists because you elected to do just that. If you are blaming yourself for the loss of your family and your home planet, then you need to stop. It is not your fault. It is theirs. You did not pull the trigger, they did."

Rick let out a morbid laugh in spite of how he was feeling. "I really hate you sometimes, BP..."

"It has always been their fault." Birdperson stepped back from him. "All you did was step in and correct an injustice. We cannot turn back and return the favor to you, but now it is our turn to pay it forward."

Rick snorted in disgust. "And there you are, back on the damn resistance thing..."

"I am sorry that you feel like you cannot join us, Rick." Birdperson slowly shook his head, though his expression never changed. "However, there is still time. The ships from planet Squanch will not be here for at least another week or two. If you change your mind, they will be glad to hear it."

"No..." Rick carefully picked Morty up in his arms and finally got to his feet. He immediately grunted in discomfort; he had been sitting down so long that his legs were stiff and sore. "I gotta think about Morty's future now. I can't see how I can fit both him and the whole revenge thing into it... I-I still haven't even worked out what to do about myself."

"I get it, Rick." Birdperson nodded in understanding. "However, right now I think it would be best to look behind you."

"What...?" Rick raised an eyebrow. "How's that going to help me?"

"Rick," Birdperson tried again. "Look behind you."

"Phh, that's such terrible advice!" Rick growled back at him. "I-I'm done with that shit, Birdperson. There's nothing back there for me anymore! You know dwelling on the past is just going to make me feel even shittier, right? Nothing I do is ever going to bring it back!"

"Rick, really..." Birdperson raised a hand and pointed his finger. "Just look behind you."

"But there's nothing back there for me anymore!" Rick protested. "The past is done with, BP. There's no point dwell-HURRRK!" His sentence was cut off abruptly as he felt the air being crushed out of his lungs in an aggressive, warm, enveloping hug. Somehow, he still managed to hold onto Morty.

"You are alive!" The feminine voice behind him was loud in joyful exclamation.

"O-ow, fuck!" Rick screwed his face up in pain. "Shit, shit, shit... let me go!"

The new arrival ignored him and lifted him up off the landing like a trophy to cry out a loud screech of celebration. "He lives! The Destroyer of Worlds lives!"

Birdperson made note of Rick's expression and stepped in to take control of the situation. "Gresharak, it would be wise if you put him down immediately."

"Huh?" The feathery female blinked in confusion, then did as she was told. "Oh yes, I forgot that he is not the hugging type."

Rick promptly stumbled away from her and doubled-over in pain. "Aaah shit... wh-what the fuck is wrong with you?!" He made a loud groan as he placed Morty down on the landing and hunched over, hugging himself tightly around the middle; the sudden, harsh squeeze had made the pain under his ribs unbearably worse.

Gresharak's delight turned into concern as she stepped towards him and placed a hand on his shoulder. "Oh my, what have you done to yourself now?"

Rick did not answer and gritted his teeth hard as the blackness began to shroud his vision. He just stood there as his breath came out in short, pained rasps and fought through it, somehow managing to keep himself from passing out entirely.

"We need to get him inside," Birdperson spoke at once. "It seems that there is still more that needs to be said." He nodded down towards Morty. "You will take the hatchling. I will deal with Rick."


Five minutes later, Rick was back inside Birdperson's tree house and reclining on the couch. Despite the fact that three others were now closely watching him, he did his best to conceal how he really felt and played it off as if everything were fine. He wasn't entirely willing to sit up properly just yet, but the pain had already started subsiding again.

"Tell me what happened, Rick." Birdperson moved to stand before him. "Did your abductors treat you improperly?"

Rick made a forced laugh at the suggestion. "Abductors? Yeah, you can totally call them that, but..." He grinned. "They're assholes, but they're fine. Well, one of them was... is... w-whatever."

"If they did not do this to you, then how did you hurt yourself?" Birdperson folded his arms. "Will they come back? How can we help you, Rick?"

"Ugh..." Rick slowly propped himself up a little. "You don't need to do anything, BP. I-I'm fine."

"Squanchin' hell, don't give us that bullshit!" Squanchy suddenly hissed at him. "Anyone could see something happened to you the moment you came in." He sprang off his chair and began to pace across the floor. "Look at your paw, for starters. A-and that funky smell comin' off you? Don't squanchin' lie to us, Sanchez!"

"What funky smell?" Rick sniffed his arm and raised an eyebrow; he couldn't smell anything.

Birdperson leaned over to give him a casual sniff, then moved away again. "Have you been in a bad environment? You smell sweet and unpleasantly sour, like rotting fruit."

"What the fuck? I-I don't smell that!" Rick growled, though it wasn't a lie. "I have been in a place that smells like death and decay." He admitted after another moment.

Squanchy hopped up on the couch to give the scientist a longer, more-focused sniff, his furry snout pressed right up against his shoulder. "Nah man, this ain't just on your threads, it goes deeper than that. You squanch bad, man. Like, all of you. Are you OK, Sanchez?"

"Personal space, Squanchy!" Rick pushed him back. "O-of course I'm OK!"

Gresharak was standing over him now and paused to take a long, cautious sniff. "He does smell like rotting fruit, come to think of it..."

"I don't need your opinion, too!" Rick snapped at her. "All of you, back the fuck up!" He angrily folded his arms across his chest. "So I smell bad, so what?! I'll take a shower and that's gonna be the end of it. L-leave me alone!"

"A shower wouldn't fix that..." Squanchy's whiskers twitched in concern. "Do you need a doctor, Sanchez? We got medics on board the ships if you want someone to squanch you over. Maybe they can re-bandage your paw or somethin'."

"NO!" Rick snapped back at him. "I'm fine already, fucking hell! Stop pushing it, OK!?"

"I can prepare medicine that will cleanse your body of toxins," Birdperson said thoughtfully. "Though I do not know much about the ailments of humans. Now that their species is all but extinct, I very much doubt we can access the kind of knowledge we need."

"I have some herbs that will assist absorption." Gresharak quickly backed up towards the door. "Let me obtain them for you."

Rick made a loud growl as he forced himself to his feet; he was totally fed up with being the center of the discussion and all he wanted to do was retreat. He immediately regretted getting up too quickly, as he felt his head swim with dizziness. "Maybe all I need to do is lie down... i-it'll be better in the morning."

Birdperson nodded in agreement. "Resting would do you some good. I will prepare the medicine, but it will take time. I apologize in advance if I have to wake you up."

"Yeah, yeah, yeah..." Rick moved over to pick Morty up so he could take him with him. "Whatever..." A deep scowl formed over his face as he retreated for the spare nest room.

"Feel better, OK?" Squanchy quietly spoke as he watched him walk away. "The galaxy kinda needs you to squanch out there..."

As Birdperson watched his best friend depart, he realized he still hadn't gotten the chance to hear anything about where he'd been. With a small shrug of his shoulders, he moved into the kitchen; there would still be time to talk, or so he thought.


After flopping down onto the roll-away cot, Rick tried to process what was happening to him. He didn't feel particularly well but didn't feel sick either; apart from the throbbing pain under his ribs and the sudden bout of dizziness after getting up, he thought he was fine. The fact that Squanchy, Birdperson, and Gresharak could all smell sour decay on him worried him the most, though he couldn't rule it out, as he knew that their senses were far more acute and evolved than his own.

Rick sniffed his hand again to make sure, though he could smell nothing. If he was genuinely getting sick, it certainly wasn't following the normal pattern of plasma-radiation poisoning; he wouldn't even be functional by now if it were. He released a heavy sigh from his lungs as he moved to place his hands behind his head; no wonder the doctor was so interested in monitoring him.

"This is shit, Morty... just another fucking unknown we gotta deal with."

Morty made a soft noise of playfulness and began climbing onto his grandfather's chest, only to whimper when he was picked up and returned to his side.

"Can't do that right now, buddy." Rick gently explained. "I-it hurts too much."

Morty made a soft growl to express his dislike at being moved. "N-n... n-no."

"Yeah," Rick softly chuckled, "I don't like it either."

As the scientist closed his eyes and tried to get comfortable, he soon discovered that he couldn't; the latent heat and humidity from the day still hung heavily in the air and it was impossible to sleep in. He rolled onto his side and lay like that for a while, then moved onto his other side. After returning to his back, he stared up at the ceiling, still very much wide awake; there was no way he would be able to rest in these conditions unless he was absolutely exhausted.

"Goddammit..." Rick hissed. "Why does it have to be so fucking humid!? Fuck Bird World's wet season, seriously! Fuck summer and fuck this damn place, I-I can't stand it anymore!" He retrieved the portal gun from his top lab-coat pocket and punched in the sequence of coordinates he had been given to the portal hub on the ship in Dimension Q-316 before being captured.

"Come on, Morty," the older man grumbled as he got to his feet and fired the portal gun at the wall, flooding the entire room in a warm glow of luminous neon-green. "We're leaving."

Morty clumsily climbed off the bed and moved ahead of his grandfather. He stopped a couple of feet in front of the swirling vortex of light and whimpered, still entirely uncertain about it.

Rick was fast losing his patience with Morty's attitude and rolled his eyes before nudging him through with an outstretched foot. He stepped in shortly afterwards; he knew that his designated holding room back on the ship had air-conditioning and would be a more comfortable place to sleep in, even if he had to deal with the other versions of himself again.

The portal collapsed inward on itself after its owner had stepped through, plunging the room in darkness once again.

By the time Birdperson had finished preparing his batch of medicine, he opened the door of the spare nest room to empty silence. He shook his head and shut the door again, though he wasn't surprised to learn that his best friend had already taken off without saying anything; the strange little human had a habit of randomly dropping in and vanishing again for almost as long as he'd known him.

"I just hope that you know what you are doing, Rick..."


November 29th, 10:44am, Local Ship Time, 2001
Unnamed Nebula, Space
'Verdant Harbinger', Dimension Q-316


Surgeon Rick had literally just stepped into the hallway beyond the portal hub with a stretcher containing a fresh corpse when he heard the sound of the device firing up behind him again. "Eh, what the fuck?" He turned around to stare back at it. "Is that thing broken again or some shit?"

When a Morty tumbled onto the tiled ground, his eyes widened and he promptly abandoned his work to move over and crouch down beside him. "Well, hey there! Where'd you come from, little guy? Did the boss steal you?" He was too preoccupied with checking him over to hear the sound of the portal opening a second time.

"I-I wouldn't put it past him to do that," the voice overhead suddenly growled. "But no, not on this occasion."

Surgeon Rick got to his feet and needed a moment to work out who he was looking at; he found himself face to face with a generically clothed Rick with a ridiculous, flopped-over haircut. "Heeeey, it's you!" He happily declared after recognizing him. "What are you doin' back here so soon, brother?"

"Couldn't sleep, so I'm gonna crash here." Rick grumbled in reply. "It was too fucking humid on Bird World... why does it have to be so damn hot during the night, a-and how can anyone stand it?"

"I guess you need to acclimatize to the environment?" Surgeon Rick suggested. "Then again, there's lifeforms that die of heat-stress when the temperature gets above zero."

"Must be Canadian..." Rick muttered as he picked Morty up. "What are you doing?" He peered around the surgeon. "Another dead Rick?"

"Oh, shit!" Surgeon Rick hastily grabbed a sheet to throw over the corpse on his stretcher. "Yeah, another wasted brother that didn't make it. This guy just... quietly slipped away. Something nasty got him, so of course the big boss urgently wants to know what it was." He sadly shook his head. "I don't advise looking at him, dude. You haven't actually seen yourself dead yet, have you? It's... i-it's not something you forget in a hurry."

Rick fixed his gaze on the pair of feet sticking out from under the white sheet; one of the corpse's shoes was missing and the exposed foot had already turned a sickly grey color. While he'd seen many types of aliens dead and dying over the course of his life, Surgeon Rick was correct; he'd never actually seen another deceased version of himself before. Surprisingly, he didn't feel as perturbed about it as he thought he might have; it was nothing more than just another dead body under a sheet.

"I got too much shit to do." Surgeon Rick quickly distracted himself with a clipboard full of paperwork. "You're not gonna get far without your RFID chip, so... uh. Use my door code if you want? It's 69-69."

Rick let out a tired groan. "I should have known..."

"Yeah!" Surgeon Rick laughed. "We used to use biometric verification for the security, but you can imagine how well that turns out when everyone you're working for and with all have the same DNA. Catch ya later, loser." He began to snicker as he wheeled the stretcher off down the hallway. "Hope your room is... ballsy enough for you." He broke into a proper fit of laughter as he turned around the corner.

"The fuck is he talking about...?" Rick scowled, though he knew that he was probably just about to find out. When he made it to the front door of his room, he found a small post-it note stuck to the hexagonal door:

"You said you had enough balls.
Now you can have even more!
- R"

He punched in the door code without a second thought, and as soon as the doors slid open, a torrent of brightly colored plastic balls rained down on him and spilled into the hallway; Surgeon Rick had obviously filled the room with several thousand ball-pit balls during his time away, and this was his way of getting back at him.

"Oh, you fucking idiot..." Rick sighed; while he wasn't particularly enthralled to see his room half-buried in plastic balls, he did see the humor in it.

Meanwhile, Morty made a loud squeal of joy at the sight of so much bright color and leaped out of his grandfather's arms to fall face first into the pile. He slowly sank underneath the mass, though he was still easily located by all the little sounds he was making.

"Yeah, have fun with that, buddy..." Rick muttered as he flicked armfuls of balls out into the hallway to reduce the sheer quantity in the room. After dumping out more than half of them, he waded across the floor and flopped face down onto the bunk bed, finding himself quite tired; he'd been awake for well over 24 hours by now and needed to rest.

It seemed like he had even more to think about and yet more decisions to make, but Morty was happy and he was comfortable for the time being, which was all that mattered. He was also finally in the cooler, air-conditioned environment that he had so strongly desired, even if it did smell acidic.

Rick didn't want to admit it, but now he was in a safe place if his health continued to decline, and being near two medical professionals put his mind at ease, even if he didn't want to give them the satisfaction of being right.