Let The Ricks Fall Where They May

Written by Kat_Aclysm
Beta Read by Unlvcrjchick
Rated: - T for language

Disclaimers + Copyrights: Rick and Morty is an Adult Swim cartoon by Justin Roiland and Dan Harmon. This is fanfiction and unlicensed/unofficial material.

NOTE:This chapter was late because it's just involved and I wanted to make sure it was 100% before putting it out. It also certainly pushes the T rating: implied drug use, gratuitous gun violence and an attempted suicide. An entire adventure has been tied up in this chapter, which is also why it got so long. Enjoy!


Chapter 22 – Rickonnaissance Run

November 30th, 10:40am, Local Ship Time, 2001
Unnamed Nebula, Space
'Verdant Harbinger', Dimension Q-316


Rick often had a habit of involving himself in things that did not concern him. It was nothing new to him and although he would forever be paying the price of interfering in an intergalactic war that hadn't been his to fight, he doubted he would have done things any differently if given the chance to go back and start over. It was just such a shame that Morty had to suffer for his mistakes; he still had no idea about what to do about him and worse, now there was the added possibility that he was running out of time. Although he'd had some time to think, he still hadn't come up with a viable solution just yet.

Instead, the scientist distracted himself by looking over blueprint designs for a gun that had nothing to do with him, so he could get himself involved in a live-retrieval mission that did not benefit him. He'd given up trying to reason through why he did things; there was a time when he convinced himself that it was because he wanted to correct injustice in the universe, but had long since decided that it was because he wanted to see the outcome, or even just because he could.

When Rick heard the doctor walking back into the room, he sat up at once and turned towards him. "So what happened?" As he asked the question, he realized how eager and concerned he sounded and quickly covered for it with a scowl. "Is your guy gonna be OK?"

"He'll be alright. As suspected, nothing was broken." Although Ricktus had picked up on Rick's tone, his tone was nothing but reassuring. "It was just a badly sprained ankle. A break actually would have been easier to deal with. Right now he needs rest, so I have instructed him to keep off it until it heals. If you see him walking around over the next couple of days, you have my full permission to kick his ass."

"Uh... OK?" Rick couldn't tell if he was being serious or not and didn't know how to react. In another moment, he decided that it didn't matter and nodded towards the screen in front of him. "I'm nearly finished with this bullshit, so let's talk shop. This thing might need more design tweaks once it's actually being constructed, but you can easily get twenty shots per minute out of it now. If you need more than twenty, then you've got bigger problems... switch to something else while it cools down or dump the clip and start again."

"Excellent." Ricktus moved to stand beside him and spent a few minutes reading the screen. "This is actually quite good. I bet you're keen to see it in action, aren't you?"

Rick shook his head. "No can do until Morty is sorted out. You still want me to go with? Well that's fine, but I'm sure as shit not leaving my grandson behind on his own and unattended."

"You... wouldn't be?" Ricktus raised an eyebrow. "Leave him with the assistant. It's not like C-711 can do much else while he's down and out. How hard could it possibly be?"

Rick took one look at Morty, then set his attention back on the doctor, his expression flat and unimpressed. "I'm guessing you haven't even bothered to spend more than five minutes around him. He's..." He paused as he tried to find the right words. "An annoying piece of shit! He doesn't know the meaning of privacy or alone time, a-and sometimes I haven't even been able to get any work done because of how much of my time he takes up. Are you SURE you wanna bother with a replacement, knowing all that?"

"Yes," Ricktus replied without hesitation. "But if that's how you really feel, then why do you keep him around?"

"Because I'm a fucking idiot." Rick replied matter-of-factly. "A-and because I owe him big time. Sure, I could hand him off to another Rick, but what would be the point? Besides... doing that would be an insult to my daughter's memory. He's... he's mine, y'know? I haven't decided what we're gonna do just yet, but whatever it is, I want him to be happy." As the last words came out, he felt a dull ache growing in his chest and he went quiet again.

The silence in the room became heavy. The only noises came from the constant thrum of the computer terminals all around them, and it was only broken again by the loud beeping of an overhead alert, causing both of them to jump.

"I'll get that." Ricktus was glad for the escape and promptly moved away to examine the issue. After a moment of reading, he gave a heavy sigh. "Another day, another dead Rick... it's always the same." He stood up tall and glanced at the doorway, suddenly seeming eager to leave. "You can stay here and keep working if you wish, but I have to tend to this one." Without waiting for a reply, he slipped out of the room.

Rick waited until he was gone, then promptly got stuck into the computer terminal with his most-outstanding thought - finding a more long-term solution to Morty's predicament. His initial plan was to just bail on his native dimension and to look for another to serve as a suitable replacement, even if it meant slipping into the place of another Rick's life. He knew that doing such a thing would be maddening torture because the family in whatever reality he chose would never be able to properly replace the one he had lost. However, Morty's happiness and well being meant far more to him than his own sanity and, he began to mentally prepare himself for whatever it would take.

Even as he ran the first queries through the database, it became clear that it was going to be a difficult task. In most cases, either the Rick or the Morty were still alive, or both of them, and Rick just didn't have it in him to dispose of a parallel version of himself. While the thought of killing another dimension's Morty had crossed his mind, it was just as quickly pushed out again; it felt utterly wrong and counterproductive, or would likely require so much effort that it ultimately wouldn't be worth it.

The next queries he ran were on dimensions that had already lost their Ricks and Mortys, but they contained more undesirable outcomes: intergalactic terrorism and sometimes intergalactic war. In the worst-case scenarios, there was complete and total annihilation of planet Earth and the Milky Way beyond it.

Each time he ran a search for a Rick who had been an active person in his daughter's life, he was met with the same three outcomes: the Rick had already died and the Morty was still alive, or the Rick was still alive and living out a normal life. Rick didn't want to deprive a happy Rick of what he once had, and the third outcome was completely useless: more planetary-wide destruction.

Running the query one more time gave him the most-infuriating result of all; there was only one dimension that met his exact search queries, and that was dimension B-526. It seemed that Rick's exact set of choices and circumstances were totally unique and there would never be another quite like him. Unbeknownst to him, these queries had already been run many times before, and his uniqueness was one of the reasons why the Council had wanted him in the first place.

No matter what parameters he entered into the database, it seemed like he would not find a suitable replacement reality in which both he and Morty could slip into. Then he realized that there was no point even bothering because the other Ricks had been right; his traceable brainwaves meant that he would hunted down by whatever despot or tyrant existed in the dimension in which he ended up.

He could never go home - none of them could.

It didn't even matter that there was an infinite number of timelines; he was bound by his mistakes and a prisoner to his own genius. Soon enough, not even that mattered; any alternative dimension choice would be pointless if he was only going to die.

Rick buried his face in his hands in defeat and didn't know whether to scream or break down; he was stuck in a seemingly hopeless situation and couldn't escape.


A few more hours had passed by the time Ricktus returned to the ship. He arrived with enough take-out containers of food for the other occupants on board because he wanted his assistant to stay off his feet, and because he knew that his charge would probably have been too busy to have thought about it.

When he didn't find Rick or Morty in the terminal hub, he went looking for them. Though, he didn't have to search for long and soon found them in the electronics lab. As he walked into the room, he immediately spotted a dozen near-complete desiccation guns across the surface of the work table, along with two other side projects Rick had been busy with; one was too small and incomplete to be recognizable, but the other looked suspiciously like a portal gun. The doctor found that last observation a bit odd; as far as he knew, Rick already had his back and it worked normally again. He found Rick not too far away from the table, crouched down on the floor and in the middle of changing Morty's diaper.

"So you decided to construct these after all," Ricktus walked the short length across to the table and leaned over the guns to examine them more closely. "You made all of these in just a few hours?"

"Yeah," Rick quietly returned. "Imagine what I could do if I had a whole day. There's more parts here than I know what to do with."

"Impressive. While I'm not sure that we needed this many, I appreciate the effort." Ricktus carefully set the containers of food down beside the other half-finished projects. "I brought a decent meal for you and your Morty. See that you eat as much as you can."

"I-I'm not really hungry." Rick admitted after a moment's silence.

"Oh?" The doctor raised an eyebrow in curiosity, immediately taking note of how distracted the scientist sounded; it was obvious that there was a lot on his mind. He wanted to ask about it but there was no feasible way to broach the topic; they weren't even friends and he knew that this Rick was as good at being evasive as he was. "Is this another symptom, or are you being obstinate again?"

"Phh... my hands are kinda contaminated with traces of biological waste down here." Rick grunted back at him while he finished the job. "It doesn't exactly inspire hunger." After pulling Morty's pants back up, he set the youngster on his feet and stood up again. "What did you bring this time?"

"Just roast beef and vegetables. Nothing particularly fancy, but it's what you should be eating instead of pizza and garbage all the time." Ricktus sounded slightly condescending as he answered the question. "I know a place that knows how to replicate a good, home-cooked meal."

"Uh-huh." Rick shrugged, indicating that he didn't care in the slightest. "Watch my Morty for a sec." "He slipped out of the room to find one of the bathrooms in the hallway so he could dispose of the old diaper and wash off his hands. By the time he returned, Ricktus had already settled Morty on one of the spare work tables and was busy feeding him. Rick certainly wasn't expecting that outcome; he literally had no reason to be doing it. He stood back for a few minutes to quietly observe, noting how patient and gentle the other was being with his grandson.

"Well, now you're just doing the easy part." The scientist grumbled as he retreated back to his work table and picked up a soldering iron to resume where he had left off. "Though I can't work out whether he's tolerating you because you have food, o-or because he genuinely likes you." Shaking his head, his voice became far less serious as he spoke the next words. "Just remember where your loyalties lie, Morty..."

Ricktus couldn't help but chuckle. "It must be the food. It's a pretty-big motivator." He moved his head in to watch Morty more closely, attentively scrutinizing him. "Because out of all three of us, I look the least like you. I've never seen this kind of cognitive intelligence in another Morty before... I still want to know how he's able to tell us apart."

Morty took the opportunity to snatch the glasses off the strange Rick's face once he was within grabbing distance. After inspecting them and after deciding that they weren't interesting, he threw them onto the floor.

"H-hey!"

"Humor me," Rick did not look up, keeping himself distracted with the task at hand. "Why are you doing that? If the other Ricks see Mortys as nothing more than baubles of amusement and novelties, then why don't you?"

"Rick," Ricktus sighed as he stood up properly again and set the container of food down at Morty's feet. "Ricks say a lot of things to sound tough or badass. I know it must be true to some extent, but... not all Ricks see a Morty as just an accessory or a plaything. You... do know that, right?"

"So why do YOU want one so bad?" Rick scowled as he finally finished off the first of the weapons, then set it aside to work on the next one down the line. "I'm stuck with mine. You're not."

"Well, it's really just an insult at this point. My universe dealt me a bad hand, and I want a re-roll-"

"This isn't a fucking game." Rick cut him off.

Ricktus ignored him and continued on with his explanation. "Most of the Ricks on the other timelines still have a Morty, so why did it have to be me that ended up like this?" He balled his hands into fists and gritted his teeth as the thought charged him with bitterness. "I want to replace what I've lost and," he quickly caught himself, "I don't want to talk about this anymore."

"Nobody's keeping you here." Rick muttered in reply.

"Right," the doctor stood tall and decided to use the statement as an excuse to bail on the whole conversation. "Make sure that you actually eat the food that I've brought for you. You're going to need the calories." He bent down to retrieve his glasses from the floor and carefully repositioned them back on his face. "Be at the portal hub at 8:15 am tomorrow morning, sharp. I am most interested to see your gun design in action." He turned around and headed for the doorway. "Oh, and secure your Morty before he falls off."

"He's not that stu-" Rick began, then thought better of it and moved off his chair to retrieve Morty from the table. "Yes, yes he is."

Ricktus silently shook his head as he paced off down the corridor, leaving the other to his own devices, deciding that it was impossible to tell who was avoiding talking to whom.


An uneventful evening of finishing off the small production run of custom weapons was followed by an uninterrupted night of sleep and a fairly uneventful morning. However, the moment Rick had woken up, he felt like he had been kicked in the ribs and his stomach churned like he'd been drinking battery acid.

At least it didn't feel like it was going to revolt on him this time.

As he sleepily stumbled into the bathroom to begin his morning routine, the thought crossed his mind that he was starting to fall into the same sleeping patterns as the other Ricks on the ship. It wasn't a bad or a good thing, though; it was just different. He didn't pay it any more mind as he stood in front of the mirror and noticed how dark the circles under his eyes were. It gave him an empty feeling as he stared back at himself; his face didn't look like his own and he certainly didn't feel like himself either. His sickness was getting so obvious that there was little point in trying to deny it anymore. He hadn't wanted to admit it, least of all to himself. But now it was there all the same and he was confronted with it, whether he wanted to deal with it or not.

Rick was actually glad for the escape when Morty cried out for him from the bunk bed. After dealing with the little boy's outstanding issues, he was out in the hallway and at Surgeon Rick's door with his first priority of the day; making sure the little boy was left with somebody safe and secure. While it was the quickest-and-easiest option, he also figured it was a good one; he'd already observed Morty warming up enough to Surgeon Rick that he felt comfortable enough leaving him there.

However, despite knocking on the door a few times, he was met with silence.

"That's weird..." Rick muttered aloud to himself. After punching in the door code, he let himself in, making the effort to be quiet in case the other was still asleep. A quick glance around the room revealed that the intended occupant didn't even seem to be there, at least until he heard muffled coughing coming from behind the closed door of the bathroom. "Oh hey," he called out. "When you're done in there, can I talk to you?"

"Fuck!" The exclamation was accompanied by a loud, metallic clang. "Fuck, fuck, fuck! SHIT!" There were softer, metallic noises as it sounded like something was being dragged across the floor. Suddenly, the door swung open and Surgeon Rick leaned against the door frame to steady his balance, doing his best to look completely aloof and casual. "Sup?"

Rick raised an eyebrow in inquisition, but said nothing.

Realizing who was in his personal quarters, Surgeon Rick relaxed once again and a soft, lazy chuckle escaped him. "Oh hey, t-thank god it's just you, man." As he limped into the room, he clumsily shut the door behind him. "How ya doin' today?"

"I'm OK," Rick lied. "What the hell was that?"

Surgeon Rick did his best to look confused through a sleepy stare as he asked his own question in return. "What the hell was what?"

Rick took another moment to study the other male's face, a hard frown coming over him; both his denial and the suspicious behavior that accompanied it were obvious enough to see straight through all on their own, but he didn't look right somehow and appeared to be in a mild daze. "You wanna rethink that answer?" He tried again.

"Nah man," the reply was accompanied by a friendly grin, "I'm good."

Rick wasn't going to tolerate the behavior. "Cut the crap!" He finally snapped, completely unwilling to let it slide. "What the fuck was that all about?" Without even waiting for an answer, he pushed his first and most-obvious guess. "Are you high right now?"

Surgeon Rick's eyes widened and he tensed slightly, not knowing what to say initially. After a moment of silence, he turned his head away and glanced off to the side; he'd already taken too long to answer so anything he said now would be an admission of guilt. "N-no...?"

"If it makes you feel any better, I don't give a shit." Rick bluntly stated, his tone grumpy and scolding. "But you think I can't tell? I-it's fucking obvious... do I look stupid or something?"

"No..." Surgeon Rick shrank in his posture, acting like a child being scolded; he had a sinking feeling about where the conversation was about to go.

"Ugh, stop that!" Rick hissed back. "Look, I used to do all kinds of dumb shit when I was younger. I-if you can think of it, then I've probably already done it." He shook his head in disgust. "Of course I can guess what's going on here, but I'd prefer it if you didn't lie to me. Look, all Ricks have their vices, including me, and... it doesn't matter." He paused in thought. "What was it, anyway?"

"Nitrous oxide," Surgeon Rick couldn't bring himself to look up as he admitted to it. "I-I just wanted to take the edge off my pain. It... it fuckin' hurts, you know?"

Rick said nothing this time; he could definitely relate to that one.

"Besides... the high only lasts about ten to thirty seconds," Surgeon Rick explained as if trying to justify his actions, "I've nearly come down in the time you got here." A trace of stubbornness was discernible in his voice like he'd had to explain it many times before. "If anyone knows what they're doing, it's me."

Rick seemed satisfied with the answer; he knew enough about nitrous oxide to know that Surgeon Rick was telling the truth and decided to get to the point. "Can you watch Morty for a few hours? I'm gonna be late soon, a-and your boss is probably gonna be pissed about it." He finally set the little boy down on the floor beside him. "Don't get into anything you shouldn't, buddy."

Morty promptly hid in the tail of his grandfather's lab coat and clutched onto the fabric of his pant-leg with both hands; he wasn't feeling particularly sociable.

Surgeon Rick stared back at the scientist incredulously. "Holy shit... y-you..." He was utterly dumbfounded and needed a moment to recollect himself. "You're seriously asking me to mind your Morty after, uh...?" He was too ashamed to finish the sentence.

Rick gave him a short nod. "He's too young and stupid to take care of himself just yet. If you're not up to it I already have a backup plan, but it's only going to waste more time." He glanced back at the door. "Speaking of time..."

"Wow..." Surgeon Rick was taken aback; not only did this Rick seem genuine about not caring what he had just done, but now he was asking him to trust him with his most-valuable possession - his own Morty. "I can do it, but..."

"But?" Rick turned his attention back towards the surgeon.

"Can you be a bro and... not tell the boss about this? Can this be a secret between you and me?" Surgeon Rick bit his lip, not knowing how far he was pushing his luck. "It's a sore point... all I wanted to do was dull the pain, but the boss ain't gonna see it that way. Look, I'll... I-I'll do you a favor in return." He offered hopefully. "Anytime you need something done, I'll cover for you, no matter how shady. No questions asked, I'll just... lie for you. Like, the bro-code and everything."

"Bro-code? Is that seriously a thing?" Rick mused. "Now that you mention it, there IS one thing you can do for me."

"Name it," Surgeon Rick insisted immediately. "Though I hope you're not gonna get me to do it while I'm still limping around like a total moron."

"Next time you're off on one of your silly, dead-Rick adventures, take the plasma core out of the next portal gun you come across and give it to me." Rick told him. "I'm working on something and it's much easier to repurpose one than to make it from scratch."

Surgeon Rick nodded in agreement. "Phh, that's all? Consider it done, brother. Anything else?"

"I'm sure I'll think of something." Rick smirked. "Later though, I should probably get going."

Surgeon Rick just stood there, seeming incredibly conflicted; he knew he should be voicing his concerns, but he already knew it wasn't going to be taken well. "You're not... seriously gonna go out there and do what the boss wants, are you?"

"Yeah, I am." Rick answered. "The way he captured me was fucking uncalled for, so I wanna see if he does anything differently this time."

Surgeon Rick made a soft, tired sigh. "Surely he can find someone else..." He painfully hobbled towards the scientist and stood in front of him. "If you want my honest opinion, you shouldn't go, dude. Are you feeling OK? You look horrible."

"I'm fine," Rick quickly shrugged it off, "I could say the same about you."

"I-I'm being serious!" Surgeon Rick raised his voice and became agitated. "If I were the one running this damn project, I would've shipped you back to HQ and booked you an extended stay in the infirmary. Then I would've abused my contacts and started trying to work this one out for myself. I mean, I already have my suspicions, but..." He calmed down slightly. "I don't know what the boss is thinking. I dunno how much longer he's gonna drag this out, but he's being a fuckin' idiot about it. If Riq IV knew he was risking you like this, he'd be in so much shit!"

Rick just stood there and let him have his say. When the room was quiet again, he simply pointed over his shoulder with a thumb. "Wh-whatever. I gotta get a move on."

"Don't do it, bro," Surgeon Rick urged, making another attempt at trying to reason with him. "I dunno what's so damn important about you, but there's gotta more to it than everyone's letting on... the Council REALLY wanted you alive. What happened in Riq IV's office, anyway?"

"Phh... not much. Just a bunch of narcissistic fools trying to get information out of me. They tried to buy me off with accommodation and their stupid promise of 'safety'." Rick made air-quote gestures with his fingers in mockery of the word. "Fuck them. Everything about them was wrong."

"No way, there's gotta be more to it than that." Surgeon Rick furrowed his brows in thought. "They profiled your personality and everything. I'm pretty sure it's who you are, not what you know. I'm not sure they're wrong either... I've seen some shit already."

Rick narrowed his eyes. "Like what?"

"You're... you're not like the other Ricks," Surgeon Rick was closely staring at him now, his tone growing serious. "You actually give a damn about people. No other Rick carries around a Morty like you do, a-and you're not even doing it for the bragging rights. Hell, you barely even know me and you already spoke up on my behalf. You didn't have to do that, dude... you didn't gain anything out of it."

"So?" Rick scowled. "I saw a problem and wanted to correct it... it was bullshit. That's all."

"But see, that's what what I'm saying," Surgeon Rick went on with his thought. "You're not some throw-away generic self-serving idiot like the others... you're different. That's gotta be worth something, right? If you weren't so damn sick, I wouldn't care... you're big and stupid enough to go get yourself in harm's way without anyone's help. But with the way you are now? You're putting yourself in so much unnecessary danger, a-and you might not even be able to react as quickly as you normally would if you have to get away in a hurry. So don't do this mission thing, bro... it's not worth it."

Rick was feeling stubborn; the conversation was starting to feel very repetitive. "Are you done?"

"Oh, for fuck's sake... just what are you trying to prove, anyway!?" Surgeon Rick became angered and raised his voice all over again. "Do you wanna risk coming back in a body bag? What the hell do you think is gonna happen to your Morty if that happens!?"

"Actually, hold onto that thought," Rick glanced back at the doorway. "When I get back, I have a couple of things to run by you. Just get me that portal gun's plasma core and we'll go from there."

"Fuck when you get back! Don't go at all!" Surgeon Rick snapped at him. "You DO know the boss is only asking you to do this because you're the quickest option available, right? He used to be awesome like you, but... he's been blinded by his own selfish motivations and the big boss's stupid promises. Don't enable his bullshit!"

Rick had to raise an eyebrow at that. "What do you mean?"

"I dunno how much you've read. It wasn't cool to pry into his personal shit like that, but fuck it, honestly." Surgeon Rick grumpily folded his arms across his chest. "When I first met him, he was down on his luck... saving his ass left an impression on him. There was a time when getting his Morty back became secondary to helping the other Ricks of the multiverse, but it sure as shit ain't like that now." He glared hard at his dimensional counterpart. "Why are you gonna do what he's asking?"

"Because I wanna see what happens." Rick growled slightly as he finally nudged Morty off his leg and backed up towards the door. "Look, when I get back, we'll talk about this. I have a few ideas to run by you, and-"

"I've heard enough." Surgeon Rick cut him off and turned away. "You're really not gonna listen, are you?"

Rick's only reply was a loud, irritated sigh.

"Fuck you, then!" Surgeon Rick bitterly hissed; he really didn't mean to sound so angry, but the pain in his ankle was contributing to his bad mood and Rick's stubbornness wasn't helping in the slightest bit. "Go away and be an idiot, see if I care... b-but don't say I didn't warn you!" His shoulders sank in defeat. "I don't fucking understand you, bro... But for the love of god, keep your head down and be safe out there, OK?"

"I'll be fine." Rick tried to assure him.

Surgeon Rick finally turned back to face him again, though his expression wasn't any happier. "Oh, and thanks for being a bro about the... uh, thing." His mouth tensed in a hard line. "If the boss doesn't step up and do something soon, I think I'm gonna have to go behind his back and get a second opinion. Would you be interested?"

Rick considered the suggestion, though he was already wondering if it was worth bothering with; while he didn't particularly want to die, he didn't want to endure what could potentially mean months of painful medical procedures without even any guarantee of survival. "Can we discuss this later? I've got a couple of options at the moment."

Surgeon Rick nodded, finally calming down; it was as much consent as he needed. "Yeah, bro. Whatever you want."

"Good. See you later, then."

"Wait," Surgeon Rick's apprehension was obvious now. "You... you're actually cool with this, right? I mean... you're OK with leaving your Morty here despite knowing what I've been up to?"

Rick gave him a quiet, fed-up sigh. "Look, if I complained about something like that, I'd be the biggest hypocrite in the multiverse. I don't care what you get up to in the privacy of your own room. You made the effort to tell me the truth, so you earn points for that." His voice became low and dangerous. "Just make sure you don't do that stuff in front of the kid."

"Oh my god!" Surgeon Rick yelped in protest. "I would NEVER-"

"Relax," Rick silenced him again with a sharp dismissive wave of his hand. "You don't seem like the type." He pushed the door open. "See ya later, dipshit." As he departed the room, he could already hear Morty screaming out for him; so much for the little boy warming up to his dimensional-double's presence.


When Rick reached the meeting point, Ricktus was already standing near the portal hub, utterly still, and staring into space with narrowed eyes.

"So here I am, dumbass." Rick announced himself in a loud, grumpy voice. "Let's get this over with."

"Finally!" Ricktus folded his arms across his chest and tapped his left foot impatiently on the tiled floor. "I told you not to be late. What took you so long?"

"Oh, shut up." Rick growled as he moved to stand near the other. "YOU try dealing with more factors than yourself..." As he scowled back at him, the first thing he noticed about the doctor was his clothes - instead of the white coat and grey pants he normally wore, now he was dressed in an oversized, black hoodie, a ripped pair of black jeans, and scuffed-up old sneakers that looked like they were picked up straight from a thrift shop.

"Bad morning?" Ricktus offered. Once he finally got a good look at Rick in the dim light, he stared at him silently, observing the fact that he looked more than a little worse for wear. His first thought was to record it, and then he started to reconsider bringing him along with him at all.

"Why the hell are you dressed like a common street thug?" Rick practically blurted out the question. "It makes you look like an idiot."

Ricktus's first response was a soft chuckle; he'd concluded that his charge would probably be fine for the mission ahead if he was feeling as lively as he sounded. "I'm glad you asked that, because that's exactly the look we're going for today." He removed the glasses from his face and gently placed them down on the small table beside the portal hub. After picking up another set of the same clothes, he hesitated momentarily before handing them over. "Put these on. Make sure you wear the underlayers as well, because it's going to be cold. I'll wait for you, but hurry your ass up... if you need to bail, now is the time to say so."

"I'm fine." Rick lied as he took one look at the clothes, then fixed his glare back on the other. "Are you bad at listening, o-or are you just in the habit of not answering questions?" Despite his personal feelings, he snatched up the clothes and gave them a firm look of contempt. "Why do we even need these?"

"The place we're going to has an atmosphere not dissimilar to Earth's, but it's always below zero or worse. You'll want to dress for the occasion." Ricktus began to brief him. "It's a lawless planetoid and out of the Korblock's jurisdiction, but I've already received intel that they're going to arrive any moment and we need to beat them there." He turned his attention back towards the portal hub, seeming a little anxious. "There's only a few reasons you'd visit that planetoid... to get drunk, to get laid, or to get high. We need to look like their regular clientele, so I suggest you hurry up. I can explain the rest once we're on the other side."

"Whatever." Rick gruffly replied, then took off back down the corridor to find somewhere to change. When he came back, he was already fidgeting with the sleeves of the hoodie, because no matter how he adjusted them, they wanted to bunch up at his wrists or cover his hands entirely. He had also removed the bandage from his left hand during his time away and was pleased to discover the cut underneath had already sealed itself up.

Ricktus couldn't help but laugh at the sight of Rick's new attire; he looked as ridiculous as he felt. He put his mind back on track and picked up two of the desiccation weapons that Rick had constructed the night before, along with a very-average-looking plasma gun. "Keep these concealed," he handed them over with a smirk. "And try not to point them at yourself this time."

"You're an asshole..." Rick growled bitterly as he snatched them up and stuffed them into his pockets. "O-of course I'm not going to do that!"

"I wouldn't know. You're unpredictable at the best of times." Ricktus stepped into Rick's personal space as his expression turned cold and lightly thumped him in the chest in what was little more than a display of dominance. "I know this is hard for you to understand, but I'm in charge here. You would do well to keep your temper in check today."

Rick made a loud growl in protest and shoved him away again. "Fuck you! L-let's just get this over already!"

"I couldn't agree more," the doctor nodded as he stepped away again to punch the coordinates into the portal-hub console, then picked up a first-aid kit that was waiting for him on the table. "Remember, we're a team. So shut up and do everything I tell you."


December 1st, 10:25pm, Local Time, 2001
Unnamed Planetoid
Idellus Cluster, Dimension D-491


Rick was glad he'd listened to the doctor's advice about wearing the thermal undergarments. After arriving in the dark alleyway on the other side of the portal, the first thing to hit him was the harsh, cold bite of wind blowing straight through the area, and even though he was wearing multiple layers of clothing, it still cut through him like daggers of ice.

The alley was just like any other he'd seen before; full of garbage and dumpsters, empty kegs stacked up against one of the walls, and trash bags filled with discarded unknowns. In the back corner, an alien corpse lay in a state of advanced decay, along with several small, scavenger-like creatures who were busy crawling all over and gnawing on it.

The first thing Ricktus did after coming through the portal was take a small handheld device out of his pocket and wave it around as if scanning for something. "He's still alive... but we'd better get moving before they work out there's more of us here than there should be." His gaze lingered on the screen before he put it away. "It's already -4°F... and it's only going to get colder as the night sets in. Come over here."

Rick made a short growl of discontentment, but did as he was told.

"Oh, would you stop that? At least your bad attitude helps you look the part. If you keep that up, nobody's going to fuck with you." Ricktus made a soft chuckle as he paced around Rick, carefully checking him over. "We need to look inconspicuous if we're going to pull this off properly. The Rick who lives in this dimension is rather well known to the point of being infamous. He owns an underground nightclub nearby and that's where we're heading." He stood in front of the scientist and reached past his shoulders to pull the hood over his head, carefully tucking in his hair spikes while he did so. "We don't want to look like him if we can help it."

Rick glared back at the doctor the entire time, silently expressing the fact that he didn't appreciate him being so close in his personal space. Once it was done, he merely stepped back and grumpily stuffed his hands into his pockets.

Seeming content with Rick's appearance, the doctor did the same to himself. "I'm serious about staying close," he hurriedly went on. "Humans are a rarity in this universe and I'm sure that one of the natives wouldn't hesitate to snatch one of us up if they knew they were going to make a profit out of it."

"Yeah," Rick hissed back in spite, "I-I know what that feels like."

Ricktus chose to ignore him as he led the way out onto the street.

Despite the planetoid being in a remote location, the sidewalk was still abuzz with nightlife activity. Aliens were bathed in the glow of neon lights overhead while they moved through the area, some of them in more of a hurry than others. They were in various states of dress - some wore sleeveless tops while others were completely covered up to nearly naked; anything and everything seemed to be standard fare. The bustle of life combined with road traffic created a unique sound to the area and for the short time he was there, Rick was a little impressed that such a place could operate peacefully without laws or government.

Another sharp gust of icy-cold wind swept down the street, but nobody seemed to notice or care.

As Rick continued to follow close behind his dimensional double, he passed by street hawkers who were openly selling everything from illicit substances, to black market items, to vials of exotic diseases. While he was curious to take a look, he didn't; they had an outstanding objective to fulfill and it was far more important than some useless side attraction.

"If you want a quick rundown of the situation here," Ricktus suddenly spoke again, "I'd be happy to give it to you. This dimension's dictatorship problems are even worse than yours or mine. Most of the local galaxy systems have been conquered by Korblocks, and their leader is a despot with similar objectives to the Galactic Federation: own everything until you control it." He shook his head in disgust. "The Rick who lives here hasn't known freedom like you or I have. Planet Earth was practically defenseless when the Korblocks came for it... they killed off all the undesirable humans and now they breed survivors for the captive pet market. As great as it sounds to have your own harem, you'd essentially be a slave, so... don't let them catch you."

"I'd like to see them try." Rick subtly put his right hand into his pocket and grasped the handle the gun he'd stashed there. He took in a long, deep breath and slowly let it out again in the attempt to keep himself calm as he continued to follow. While he hadn't wanted a history lesson, it was still vaguely interesting; he'd just learned that the doctor's dimension had dictator problems of its own. It made sense considering the video files and the attack on the ship, and he found himself wanting to know just what was responsible for it.

"The Rick we're rescuing today was born into the pet trade, but he managed to escape it," Ricktus continued with the story. "He ran a successful nightclub here for most of his adult life, but his business partner recently decided to turn him in. His intelligence and genetics are worth so much now that it has become more valuable to sell him off than to keep him around and help run the show. I also hear he's a bit of a loose cannon, so... use caution."

"You're warning me to be cautious of a Rick?" Rick scowled at him. "What could possibly be worse than you?"

Ricktus turned his head back to give him a smug, egotistical grin, then returned his attention ahead of himself. "Hah, very funny. You're lucky it was just me who caught you and not something worse." He came to a halt, then turned down a narrow corridor between two derelict buildings. "It's down this way... pay attention, don't say anything, and don't screw this up."

The end of the corridor was guarded by a massive beast of an alien that had six limbs, and its head narrowly missed the ceiling. It regarded the two hooded figures with a wordless communicative grunt, then turned around and began to guide the way through the winding caverns beyond the street. Not even five minutes later, they were deep within the bowels of the planetoid. Just as the light faded, the lumbering monster stopped at the doorway of the venue and shoved the door open.

"The bouncer didn't even check us..." Rick muttered as he quickly slipped by, his words nearly drowned out by the loud blaring music inside.

"Why bother?" Ricktus followed in after him. "Humans don't pose a threat here. This Rick also has a particular fondness for them, both as clients and as potential... uh... partners." He awkwardly cleared his throat and moved away to find a free table. "Well, I'm sure you've already figured out what kind of place this is. Even though it's still business as usual, things are going to get messy if that changes." A sly grin grew across his face. "I strongly suggest resisting the urge to pick up. As C-711 would say, 'bros before hoes'."

"You're no brother of mine." Rick growled in reply.

While the nightclub was nothing more than a large underground bunker, it was decorated in deep shades of blue and gaudy neon advertising illuminated the walls. In the middle of the room stood a raised platform with a hefty, oval-shaped cage, along with a bright pink alien that was busy dancing inside, gyrating her midsection in time to the music and caressing the bars with her tentacles.

Rick gave the dancer a harsh look and swallowed in discomfort; the acidic feeling in his stomach had returned and now nausea was creeping in to accompany it. "So what happens now?" He joined the doctor at the table he had picked out.

"We do what we do best - we drink and we wait." Ricktus casually raised his index and middle finger as he signaled one of the attendants over. "Oh, and advance warning... don't drink anything that doesn't come directly from the employees. You wouldn't want to find yourself waking up naked in an unfortunate gang-related incident." He momentarily leaned under the table to stash his first-aid kit.

"I-I don't plan on it..."

When the first round of shot glasses arrived at the table, Rick downed them without thinking about it; he wanted to kill the unpleasant feelings growing in the pit of his stomach and didn't care what he was drinking. While the taste was unrecognizable, the familiarity of alcohol stabbed at his tongue and burned the whole way down. When he picked up the fourth shot, it was smacked out of his hand. "Hey, what the hell?!"

"Don't overdo it," Ricktus matched his sour expression, "I need you to stay sharp and focused. Plus, I distinctly remember telling you to take it easy on the booze until we can fix you again... are you sure it's just me who's bad at listening? Are you even trying?"

"What's the point of going to a sleazy underground club if you can't even drink?!" Rick angrily retorted. "This is bullshit! What else am I supposed to do?!"

"You can shut up and pay attention to what's going on around us, for starters." Ricktus nodded towards the bar as he lowered his voice to a soft murmur. "See that door behind the bartender? Everywhere else in this place is accessible to the customers, even the private rooms in the back. You can literally just walk in there and join them if you were so inclined. You can go anywhere, except near that one door... I've never seen anyone come in or go out, and that bartender is armed to the teeth like he's guarding it. That has to be where they're keeping him."

Rick subtly turned his gaze towards the aforementioned door, then resumed glaring at his spilled shot glass; at least none had gotten on him. "How do you plan on getting in?" He swallowed hard; the shots were already putting up a fight and didn't want to stay down.

"Take out that bartender... that's the key to getting through the door. We need some kind of distraction, or to wait until their shift changes over." Ricktus narrowed his eyes in thought. "I still haven't really thought about it."

The doctor never finished his sentence. Five small, nervous aliens suddenly came in through the doorway in a hurry, escorted by an entire troop of armored Korblocks. As they piled into the venue and began to patrol through the area, they were largely ignored by the other patrons. Some of them threw money at the caged entertainment as she continued her slow, sensuous dance.

"Fuck, not now!" Ricktus suddenly lowered his head and partially covered his face with a hand, trying to look less conspicuous. "This is very bad timing... damn it! They're not supposed to be here yet... I-I haven't even worked out a viable strategy with you yet... what are we going do to?"

Rick suddenly moved to his feet as he felt the bile rising in his throat; he was about to lose the contents of his stomach. "I-I'll be back." He briskly took off in the direction of the bathroom without waiting for a reply.

"Where are you going!?" Ricktus hissed in anger, only to sit up properly as he watched his charge disappear behind the door. "Oh my god, Rick... you're a goddamn genius, they won't bother listening to us in there!"

He abandoned the first aid-kit at the table as he moved to his feet and followed after the scientist. However, by the time he made it into the bathroom, Rick had already locked the cubicle door behind him and was completely preoccupied with throwing his guts up.

Ricktus made a heavy, frustrated sigh at the sound. "Why didn't you tell me that you weren't feeling well? I even gave you the opportunity to bail beforehand." There was little else he could do but stand on the other side of the door and wait it out. "While a symptom like this is diagnostically important, you're useless to me in that state. When were you planning to speak up about it?"

"I wasn't actual-" Rick's voice was suddenly cut off by a coughing fit and another round of loud, guttural retching.

"Why the hell not!?" The doctor's tone suddenly grew harsh and authoritative. "This shit is kind of important for me to know!"

"Because," Rick snapped back at him, "I-I don't know, maybe it's none of your fucking business!? I don't want to talk about it, o-or about any other part of my anatomy for that matter!"

Ricktus raised both eyebrows in response. "What other part of your anatomy is troubling y-"

"I said I don't want to talk about it!" Rick barked over his words. "Are you deaf, too!?"

The sound of the heated discussion had attracted the attention of one of the patrolling Korblocks. Just as it slithered into the room, Ricktus dove under the door of the cubicle in an attempt to evade being seen.

"G-get out!" Rick demanded as he swung his head around to glare wild-eyed at the intruder, then finally stood up to wipe his mouth off on his sleeve; throwing up usually made him feel better, but he was far too riled up this time.

"Shh, shut up!" Ricktus chastised him in a harsh whisper. "Do you want it to find out who we are and what we're doing here?!" He stood tall for a moment to peer over the top of the stall, then ducked his head again. "Oh shit... its already seen us..."

The Korblock began to make its way down the line of cubicles. "Knock it off down there!" The command sounded far more mechanical than natural; the only way it could communicate its alien language to such primitive creatures was through the translator device it carried around.

Ricktus thought fast as he looked at the elongated, yellow slug-like foot coming to a halt outside the cubicle door, then back at Rick who was still glaring at him; whatever he chose to do, it would have to be now. "Quick," he instructed Rick in a low whisper, "bend over and sound like you're getting the best sex you've ever had in your life."

"Wh-what?!" Rick flinched like he'd been struck as he choked the words out. "From you...!?"

"Oh goddamn it, I'll do it then." Ricktus used both hands to brace himself on the cubicle wall as he bent over. "Get behind me."

Rick stared at him like he'd gone completely insane and needed a moment to remind himself that this was indeed real and actually happening to him. When he heard the loud banging on the door, he reluctantly stepped back from the toilet and moved to stand against his dimensional counterpart's behind. "D-don't make this any weirder than it has to be..."

"Oh god!" Ricktus slammed a hand against the wall as he began acting out the motions. He made loud exaggerated panting noises as he put his head down and did his best to sound like he was really getting into it. "Do it harder... j-just like that. Don't stop!"

"Y-you're... not even convincing..." Rick grumpily muttered under his breath. "My ex-wife was better at faking it than you are..."

The Korblock peered over the top of the cubicle and locked its beady, multi-irised red eyes on the two smaller bipeds. It made three short, wet gurgles in disgust and slithered away again, dismissing them as unimportant. "Can't even find a female to mate with? You stupid humans are the reason we have breeding programs. No wonder your whole species is circling the goddamn drain."

"Hey, wait... what's it to you, anyway!?" Rick retorted, feeling his anger rising; there were many things he could tolerate, but the insinuation that one element of his sexuality was somehow inferior to another wasn't one of them. "I can fuck whoever I want to!"

"Oh god, Rick, shut up... shut up!" Ricktus buried his face in his hands; the diversion had been successful and he wanted to keep it that way.

"NO!" Rick straightened himself up again, his voice full of indignation. "A-are you SERIOUSLY gonna let him get away with that kind of intolerant bullshit!?" He unlocked the cubicle door and kicked it open in his fury. "What the hell is wrong with you?! I-if my species is doomed, then why does it even matter? What business is it of yours, anyway!?"

The Korblock's external head fins raised high over its head as it turned around again, deciding that the angry little human was hostile. It made loud screeches as it drew its weapon, but Rick was much quicker; before it could pull the trigger, Rick had pulled both desiccation guns out of his pockets and fired, disintegrating both of its hands in an instant. It didn't even have time to react as four more shots landed straight in its eyes, and the Korblock howled in torment as its body melted and shriveled away, becoming a barely recognizable, dehydrated lump of flesh in the space of a few seconds.

"Well," Rick returned the desiccation guns to his pockets, feeling satisfied with how effective they had been. "I guess you can say that I've fucked you, too."

Ricktus stumbled out of the cubicle after the exchange was over and dumbly stared at the mess. "Wh-what the hell? Why did you do that!?"

"Please... you asked me what to do, and I improvised." Rick rolled his eyes. "Were you seriously going to let him get away with what he said to me? Besides... now we have a pretty-damn-credible distraction, a-and whatever these are." He crouched down beside the remains of the corpse to carefully pick up the Korblock blaster, as well as the language translator it had been using to speak. "You never know when you're gonna need more ammo."

"Well, I suppose a dead patrol guard counts as a distraction but it's not really my style..." Ricktus grumpily muttered as he stepped over the corpse and stood at the door to the bathroom, then cracked it open to peer into the nightclub beyond. "Nobody else is coming... you got lucky this time."

"Good. That gives us more options to work with." Rick stood up again. "So how do you wanna do this? Do you wanna play the victim card, o-or do you wanna be a terrorist and shoot the place up?"

"Don't forget why we're here. We still need to get the Rick out alive, so I'd prefer to slip out quietly if we can help it." Ricktus admitted. "I'm much better at playing the victim."

"Oh, I bet you are." Rick stashed the blaster and the translator in the front pockets of his hoodie. He had no real plans for them, but stealing alien technology had never done him wrong.

"Shut up, B-526..." Ricktus sighed in exasperation. After pushing the door open all the way, he moved back into the main area of the nightclub and acted out his best impression of alarm and panic. "Oh god, please help us! There's been a shooting and one of the guards is dead!"

Five members of the Korblock patrol immediately abandoned what they were doing to slither towards the pair of humans, though none of them seemed particularly convinced by the story. A few other club patrons looked up towards the source of the disturbance, but nobody else in the club seemed to care.

"Well, shit... that didn't work." Ricktus mumbled nervously, his attention glued to their blasters.

"Yeah?" Rick took two steps away from the door and hastily redrew his own weapons in return. "Do you think it might be because of your terrible acting? Should I fake the orgasm next time?"

"Be quiet!" Ricktus grumpily mumbled back at him. "Now what are we supposed to do?"

"Well," Rick started, but had to duck as the first shots sailed over his head. He promptly kicked a table over to use as cover and immediately scooted behind it. "Get down for starters!"

"You damn crazy lunatic!" Ricktus hunkered down behind the overturned table beside him and began to shoot back at the Korblocks in a nervous panic. "This is your fault! I-I didn't want this at all!"

Rick ignored his protests and continued firing at the guards. It didn't take long for the entire nightclub to erupt into a chaotic firefight of its own; the customers needed no motivation to draw their own weapons and join in with shooting at the members of the oppressive dictatorship that had been holding them down. After the Korblock patrol was dead, they attacked each other as species-based disputes and rivalries came into the fray. Before long, the air was filled with plasma fire haphazardly flying in all directions, along with the smell of burning flesh as aliens were shot at and killed. Through it all, the tentacled dancer continued straddling her cage as if the scene around her were an everyday occurrence.

Rick quickly dispatched the bartender with four rounds of plasma fire from his ray gun while it was distracted, then crawled across the floor and hid behind the bar, glad for the fact that everyone seemed far more interested in shooting at each other than at him. "Are you coming with? This was the distraction you wanted, right? Unless you'd rather stay there, of course."

"Goddammit, NO!" Ricktus growled as he scrambled across the floor for his first-aid kit, then joined the scientist behind the bar only a few seconds later. "I hope you're happy with yourself," he waved a hand at the area beyond him. "Look at all these crazy idiots killing each other because of your actions!"

"You're blaming me for this? I didn't exactly tell them to start the shooting gallery antics! Looks like they're doing that all one their own to me. All I did was give them an excuse." Rick carefully eased the door behind the bar open and peered into the darkness. "Besides, you're where you wanted to be, right? Who cares if a bunch of aliens have to die in the process of completing your objective?"

Ricktus made a loud, frustrated sigh as he pushed past him and navigated his way into the pitch blackness; although he very much wanted to scold Rick for his reckless behavior, he was right and there was little point in arguing about it. After stumbling over several objects in the dark, he pulled his portal gun out of his pocket and used the light of the plasma sphere inside the bulb to illuminate the way ahead.

"The way you do things is stupid," the doctor loudly grumbled. "I watched you for a long time before finally capturing you. It's like you don't even think about what you do, but somehow you always end up surviving in spite of everything." A dry laugh escaped him. "You really ARE too stubborn to die, aren't you?"

Rick rolled his eyes and brushed a hand against the wall, feeling for anything that might be useful. "Have we failed yet? No? Then shut up." He found a light switch and turned it on, illuminating the room in a weak glow; they appeared to be in some kind of liquor-storage cellar. "Huh, well that makes sense... no wonder the bartender was guarding it. Feel like indulging in the spoils of war?"

A weak voice called out to them from the back of the room. "I-if you even think about doin' that... I'm gonna have to cut ya..."

Ricktus immediately took off in the direction of the sound and found his intended target; a rather haggard-looking Rick was seated on the ground and slumped forwards against his restraints. His arms were bound behind him and tied up to one of the supporting pylons of the building, and a hessian sack was pulled over his head. The gaudy-colored suit he wore was ripped and spattered with dried blood, suggesting that he had been tortured or beaten up during his time as a captive.

"You guys don't sound like Korblocks..." The Rick weakly raised his head towards the source of the footsteps as he heard them approach. "Flerbax? Humans? You comin' to bust me out, or are ya gonna sell me off for millions of blemflarcks?"

Ricktus crouched down beside the Rick and carefully pried the sack off his head. After rummaging through his first-aid kit, he pulled out a bottle of water, took the cap off, and held it out for him to drink from. "Where's your portal gun?"

"In a lock-box, behind the bar..." The Rick replied, then tilted his head forward to get his mouth around the neck of the bottle, downing half of it within seconds.

Rick was unwilling to do much more than stand back and observe; while he supposed what the doctor was doing was important, he was already annoyed. "You're not even going to tell him who we are and what we're doing here? You don't wanna put his mind at ease first?"

"We have all the time in the world to explain everything once we're safe and back on the ship." Ricktus sighed in frustration. "Right now, I need you to shut up and guard the door while I get this one secure."

"Hey, h-he's right you know..." The Rick turned his head away after swallowing another large mouthful of water. "You wanna tell me who the fuck you are, a-and what you're doing here? 'Cause I'm sure as shit not goin' with you if you're only gonna sell me off."

"Look, keep your mouth shut." Ricktus scowled down at him. "Do I look like I'm part of that stupid Korblock regime? You know I'm not. Just be quiet and let me take care of you. I'll answer all your questions in good time." He stood up and moved around the back of the pylon to cut the captive's restraints free. "Oh my god... what happened to your hand?"

"Fuckin' assholes and their information-gathering tactics..." The Rick bitterly replied. After his arms had been cut loose, he nursed what was left of his left hand in his right; it was smashed up beyond recognition and three of his fingers were missing. "Who sent you?" He became suspicious. "You're Ricks, right?"

Ricktus casually dodged the question. "We'll probably have to amputate that, but don't worry about it, OK? I know somebody who can hook you up with an adequate replacement."

"Is that what happened to you?" Rick let the question slip as he peered back out the door and watched the firefight continuing on in the nightclub.

"Rick," Ricktus's voice became low and dangerous. "This is hardly the time or place for that sort of discussion... you would do well to shut up and mind your own business."

"Well, I didn't find it in your stupid diary just yet." Rick persisted with his thought. "It's an opportunity to have a real conversation with me instead of being an evasive, little bitch, y'know?"

"My, that really would be something, wouldn't it...?" The doctor's voice had gone ice cold.

Meanwhile, the Rick on the floor had his attention glued to his rescuer's faces while their less-than-friendly exchange took place, the whole thing reminding him far too much of himself. "Y-you know coming here was a bad idea, right? If they catch you, we're all just gonna end up back in their crazy breeding program... and I'm tired of fucking random people. Don't make me go back there!"

It was enough to get Rick's mind back on track. "Come on," he scowled back at the doctor. "At least give him some kind of intel here. Look at him, he's scared. You think he's gonna cooperate with you once he starts getting crazy and irrational?"

"I'm not scared!" The Rick loudly protested. "Wh-who the fuck do you think you are!? You don't know me!"

"I AM you, stupid." Rick rolled his eyes. "And believe it or not, I was in a similar situation not too long ago. Look..." He momentarily glanced back at the doorway; he could hear the situation outside continue to degrade by the second. "Although I don't wanna admit it, yeah, I was pretty scared as well. But this guy isn't interested in selling you off, and neither am I."

"So why are you here?" The Rick glared up at him.

"Please, do us all a favor and just shut the fuck up, Rick." Ricktus warned as he removed the last of the ropes from the pylon. "I generally find it easier to explain their situation to them once they're in an environment where they can't hurt themselves. I haven't read up on this Rick's profile yet, but it's a pretty safe bet to assume he's either suicidal or eager to put up a fight. He'll be much happier once he's been fed, and is safe back on my ship."

"Wait, what...?" The captive Rick painfully slumped forwards as he was finally freed of his restraints; he'd been there so long that all his joints were stiff. "Where are we going?"

Ricktus made another loud, frustrated sigh. "And this is why you shut up."

"That's stupid!" Rick protested. "A-at least tell him something! Don't you think he'd be better off if he knows what the fuck is going on?! You're scaring the shit outta him!"

"Um, hello? I'm still here." The Rick scowled. "Who sent you? If you're not part of the Korblock regime and you're me, then... o-oh my god." He lowered his head and loudly groaned. "You're... you're Sancheziminius's debt collectors, aren't you...?"

It was Ricktus's turn to look confused now. "Huh? What do you mean?"

"I-I kinda fucked him over," the Rick admitted as he glanced off to the side, sinking into a defeated posture. "He supplies me with shit and I sell it for him. A couple of months ago I was goin' through a rough patch and needed to use it all instead. But I swear, I was gonna pay it all back with interest! You're here to take me back to him, aren't ya? I'm gonna get kneecapped. Holy shit, I never thought it'd come to this..."

"NO." Ricktus firmly replied, though it was more out of defense than anything else. "My only goal is to get you out alive and to safety. Can you stand?" He returned his attention towards Rick. "This needs to end NOW. Set your portal gun to 40512-4DD567127Z3-53995483-09995-Q-316."

"Safety...?" The Rick rested his head back against the pylon and a soft, dry chuckle escaped him. "What even is that...? Korblocks... the Council of Ricks... it's all the same shit. You're just trading me off from one dictatorship to another."

"The Council of Ricks isn't a dictatorship." Ricktus narrowed his eyes. "They're more focused on administration of the multiverse. They also provide knowledge and the Citadel serves as a sanctuary to Ricks like you."

"Been there, done that..." The other Rick shrugged. "What's the use? Fuck the Council of Ricks."

"Hey, now he's talking!" Rick's face lit up in a grin. "Look, you don't even have to go back there if you don't want to. Just get away from here and establish yourself somewhere else. Do you have a family you can go back to?"

"Family...?" The Rick's voice suddenly sounded distant, like the concept was entirely foreign to him. "Fuck, man... any family I ever had got murdered in the genetic cull. All my kids got sold off, too. Hell, some of them are probably old enough to have kids of their own by now."

"Rick, stop. We need to cut this short." Ricktus sharply prompted him. "All of this is better discussed back on the ship, so get us out of here."

Just as Rick took out his portal gun to bring up the coordinates, the overhead lights faded and the room was thrown into pitch darkness. The plasma sphere in the middle of the bulb disintegrated and the device appeared to go dead entirely. "H-hey, what the hell?!" He gave the portal gun an aggressive thump, but nothing happened. "What gives? Does yours work?"

Ricktus took out his own portal gun to test, but it was as unresponsive as Rick's.

"Oh boy, you're SO screwed now..."

"What are you talking about? Do you know what's causing this?!" Ricktus angrily demanded.

"Sure do. It's probably their plasma-suppression field," the Rick answered wearily. "It's a Korblock crowd-controlling device they abuse to stop insurgents from rising up against them... they probably brought it with them and activated it because my customers are crazy-ass sons of bitches. Wow, so Sancheziminius didn't think to warn you about that little detail? You... y-you didn't stop to think about why I'm not the most superior lifeform in my dimension?"

"Well, shit... I didn't plan for this." Ricktus sounded genuinely upset. "Now what are we supposed to do?"

"You didn't have a backup plan? Why am I not surprised?" Rick growled as he took the desiccation guns out of his pockets once again, resolving his mind to take charge of the situation; as far as he was concerned, the doctor had proven multiple times that he was completely hopeless. "It's a good thing these aren't plasma-based, huh?" He turned around and headed back towards the door they had used to come in. "Dumbass, you secure the Rick. Let's get outta here."

"How are you going to do that?" Ricktus sounded unsure and worried by this point; being thrown into the middle of an unplanned situation was bad enough, but now he was responsible for two other lives. "The entire planetoid is probably crawling with Korblocks by now."

"I guess we'll just work it out as we go," Rick flatly responded. "Anything's better than staying here. Unless you have a better idea? Because right now it kinda sounds like you didn't even have one in the first place."

Ricktus was furious about the comment, but said nothing - there was no point.

"No objections, then? Good." Rick leaned against the door and started firing into the open space beyond the door. "If you idiots wanna keep your brains inside your heads, then shut the fuck up and get behind me."

Ricktus silently considered the command as he fumbled around in the dark to help the other Rick to his feet; it had sounded authoritative and confident – just like something Riq IV would say. Once the other Rick's weight was resting against him, he armed himself and followed Rick's lead.

After shooting his way across the room, Rick stood guard at the entrance to the nightclub while he waited for the others to catch up, though he found himself impatiently glaring while they lingered behind the bar. "Do you wanna die here!?" He shouted at them.

"I'm securing a portal gun, Rick..." Ricktus sighed at him as he crouched under the bar and broke the lock-box open to retrieve it. "That's always the secondary objective. Have you forgotten so soon?"

"I-I don't care!" Rick sputtered back at him in a fluster. "Hurry your asses up! Fuckin' run if you have to!"

"I don't really think that's-" Ricktus began.

The other Rick cut him off with an aggressive shove as he forced himself to stand on his own. "It doesn't matter where you run... they'll pursue you to the ends of the universe until they find you..."

"Not if you're in another dimension, stupid." Rick quickly reasoned. "All we need to do is escape the plasma-suppression field, and then we can portal the fuck outta here."

"I reckon you're a damn crazy fool if you try," the other Rick weakly staggered on his feet, seeming to be having difficulty standing. "But i-if you really think you can pull it off, I suppose I'll go with ya." He took a look around the room; the firefight had ended and all that remained were dead-and-dying aliens. His gaze lingered on the oval-shaped cage in the middle of the nightclub and he lowered his head when he discovered that his tentacled dancer was dead. "Aw shit, there really is nothin' here for me anymore..."

Ricktus couldn't believe what he was hearing - not only was Rick's idea completely outrageous, but somehow, the Rick they had come for was actually agreeing to it.

"You ain't gonna make it back the way you came in, though..." The Rick clumsily stumbled out the door and into the cavern system ahead. "They'll be expecting that. Use one of the other tunnels."

Rick silently shoved past him and led the way, his guns still raised and at the ready. As the caverns snaked off into the dark, his uneasiness increased. Soon enough, he was running his hands along the rock walls in complete darkness, leading only by feel and the desire to escape. When he heard the footsteps behind him getting further and further away, he turned back in the direction of the others and made his disapproval known with a loud, audible growl.

"What's the matter? Can't you idiots run?" The scientist took the opportunity to momentarily stop and rest; despite how fatigued he was feeling, he was still annoyed that they couldn't keep with his pace – he was meant to be the sick one.

"Well, no, actually..." Came the first reply, though it was difficult to tell who was speaking.

"Why not!?" Rick demanded and stared at the source of the voice even though it was pitch black all around them.

"Because I can't, OK!?" The reply defensively snapped back. "Just drop it and get us out of here!"

"Hah, you can't? Seriously?" The other Rick taunted him with a gruff laugh. "Sancheziminius sends a nobody and a hopeless limpy loser to come get me... my, he really sent his best, didn't he?"

"Oh, SHUT UP!"

Rick pushed off the wall and forced himself to continue moving forward; now it was easy to tell them apart. He silently navigated the way out the other side of the cavern system and slipped onto the street among a very-nervous crowd; they were on-edge because of the heavy Korblock presence that had moved in to swarm the whole planetoid. To make matters worse, the loud thrumming of engines could be heard as more Korblock ships arrived in the airspace overhead. As much as Rick wanted to quicken his pace, he couldn't; the two others were still languishing behind him

Rick retreated into a dimly-lit alleyway and heavily leaned against the wall as he placed a hand against his forehead. His head was fuzzy and blackness prickled the edge of his vision; it was more than apparent that he was pushing himself too hard. He barely heard the other Ricks catch up to him as he panted hard, doing his best to fight through it.

"Why did you stop here?" Ricktus growled at the scientist. "I guess I can see the appeal - stay in the shadows where they can't find us. But they're going to track us by our brainwaves regardless of what you do, and this one's stupid clothing makes him stick out like a sore thumb." He made a point of glaring at the other Rick's attire. "Who the hell chooses to wear that of their own free will?"

"It's fashionable, OK?" The other Rick grumbled defensively. "Fuck your sense of taste, man. You look like common gang trash in that getup!"

"Yes, that's how you blend in and survive..." Ricktus trailed off as he noticed Rick's posture and promptly stood in front of him. "Are you OK? You don't look well."

"I-I'm fine..." Rick covered for his weakness with a deep scowl. "J-just need to get out of here..."

"Yeah, well how do you plan on doing that?" The other Rick pressed him, his tone sarcastic and acrid. "Still ain't heard much outta you yet. You gonna start flapping your arms so we can fly away?"

Rick raised his head at the suggestion and went quiet as he watched the street beyond their hiding place; his first plan had been to disable the plasma suppression field generator, but he had no idea where it was, what it looked like, or even how to begin working out how to do so. Now he had a slightly less crazy idea as his gaze drifted towards one of the patrol ships that had just landed; if it was functioning normally, then it obviously didn't run on plasma-based technology.

If it could fly, then that was all that mattered.

"Y-yeah," the scientist nodded as he pushed through the fatigue and stepped back out onto the street. "That's actually a pretty fuckin' good idea." He took the desiccation gun out of his hoodie and started firing into the air to scatter the crowd. Just as the owners got out of the flying vehicle got out to turn on him, he dispatched them by dumping the entire clip straight into their massive gelatinous hides. After their dying gurgled screams had stopped, he moved ahead and began to clear the shriveled carcasses out of the vehicle.

"What the fuck are you thinking, Rick?! That was insane!" Ricktus angrily declared as he stomped onto the street, suddenly more interested in scolding the scientist over worrying about the rapidly deteriorating situation around them.

"Yeah it was, but... did we die?" Rick almost sounded smug as he threw the driver's door open. As much as he wanted to brag about how successful he'd just been, he knew that more members of the Korblock regime were likely coming. "We need to get outta here. Where's the other guy?"

Ricktus glanced back at the alleyway and sighed; the Rick they had come to retrieve was now curled up in a ball and cowering in the shadows. "I'll have to get him, I suppose."

Something had definitely come over the other Rick, because he behaved more like a rag-doll as he was dragged across the open ground by his good arm. By the time he was secure in the back seat of the vehicle, he became irrational and started screaming absolute nonsense; he'd completely lost it.

The doctor had to forcefully pin him down while Rick got the Korblok patrol vehicle ready for launch. Despite the fact that the controls were completely foreign to him, the scientist was still confident that he could operate it; he'd always been able to fly anything simply by learning on the go. Once the engines were powered up, the ship took off with a loud, mechanical whine of protest as Rick stabbed the throttle, forcing the vehicle to accelerate and escape the planetoid's pull of gravity.

Unfortunately for the escapees, the stolen vehicle was noticed by the other ships in the air and by the time it was in the upper atmosphere, there were already three of them in hot pursuit.

"You think we could hurry this up?!" Ricktus yelped as he practically had to sit on top of the other Rick, squashing him under his body weight to stop him from continuing his panicked flailing.

"I'm kinda busy up front here!" Rick growled back in response. "Can one of you work the lasers?"

"It doesn't matter where you go or what you do, they're gonna get us!" The Rick suddenly yelped in a crazed frenzy. "Escaping is useless! We're SO SCREWED!"

"You think it sounds like I can work the lasers back here?!" The doctor retorted. "Don't be a hero and fight back, just get us the fuck out of here!"

"Yeah, yeah, whatever..." Rick grumbled. A singular glance at the rear-view mirror told him that the situation in the back seat was as bad as it sounded, and he impatiently stomped the throttle to the floor as he forced the ship to go faster, expertly weaving in and out of the pathways of enemy fire the whole time.

"What are you doing!? Don't touch that!"

"It doesn't even matter, we're all gonna die eventually!"

"It's not worth it! Give that back, NOW!"

"I-I wanna die, give it to me!"

It was difficult to watch the way ahead and the rear-view mirror at the same time, but Rick could see that the two others in the back seat were now involved in some kind of heated struggle. He could do very little but continue to steer as he watched the reflection of two combatants wrestle each other for control of a gun; somehow, the captive Rick had managed to grab one out of the doctor's pockets. Not even a second later, there was a loud discharge as the gun fired, but Rick didn't even need to know what had happened; he could see the blood spray across the back window of the getaway vehicle.

To his credit, he kept his focus on continuing to drive.

"Oh, fucking hell!" Ricktus howled, positively livid with rage. "You goddamn son of a bitch! Fucking moron!" He yanked his hoodie off and fervently ripped it apart to use as bandages and stanch the bleeding. "Is your portal gun working yet?! Because now we only have about a minute before this asshole bleeds out!"

Rick fumbled for the device, only to immediately regret doing so; it distracted him just long enough for one of the pursuing ships to land a shot in the rear of the vehicle, disabling the engine. A second shot punched through the back window, flew through the cabin space, and smashed out the windscreen again, somehow narrowly missing everyone inside. The glass windows buckled in protest to the difference of pressure between the cabin and the vacuum of space, and cracks began to form outwards from the bullet holes.

"Well, shit..." Rick mumbled, his attention on the growing fractures. "Do you know how to move around in zero gravity?"

"Yes, why?"

"Then I suggest you exhale." Rick's voice became quieter and more firm as he shuffled back in the driver's seat, resolving himself to the only viable idea he had left. He barely had time to place his feet on the windshield as another three shots struck the back of the ship, causing the entire chassis to shake violently. "Are you ready?"

"What the hell are you thinking, Rick!?" Ricktus's panicked voice bellowed back at him. "You're going to kill us all!"

"I-I'll try not to."

With a singular thump of his heels, the windscreen shattered and the contents of the vehicle were sucked into the vacuum of space. Rick was thrown out of the front window like a piece of garbage and into the nothingness beyond, but he already had his portal gun at the ready and fired into the empty space in front of his trajectory.

By the time all three Ricks had tumbled through the portal, the getaway vehicle was on fire and exploded shortly afterwards.

The Korblocks would not get what they wanted today or any other.


Back on the other side, all three Ricks were unceremoniously dumped onto the ground just beyond the portal hub.

Ricktus made sharp gasping noises as he reoxygenated his lungs. Being exposed to the vacuum of space for less than ten seconds had been incredibly uncomfortable on his bodily processes, but his mind was reeling from what had just happened; Rick's actions were nothing short of insane, yet somehow because of him, they had all managed to survive and were safe back on his ship.

He actually had to check himself over again to make sure that he was still alive.

Meanwhile, Rick lay where he had fallen; he had already been weakened to begin with, but combined with the lack of oxygen and no food in his stomach, he didn't have the strength to move anymore. "Y-you didn't exhale... I distinctly remember telling you to do that."

"You goddamn crazy fool!" Ricktus finally managed to choke the words out as he scrambled to his feet, though he didn't know which Rick needed to be dealt with more urgently. "NONE of us were in control of that situation! We only survived because of your sheer dumb luck!"

"G-good enough..." A soft, dry chuckle escaped him as he gave in to the blackness closing in all around him.

"Damn it, not now!" The last thing Rick heard was the angry voice hovering directly overhead. "I need help over here, you worthless insects!"

Then it was all gone.


When Rick finally came to again, there was a warm, prickling sensation in his right arm, and he opened his eyes to a high, white ceiling; he was back in the medi-bay box once again. As he lay flat on his back, his first observations were that the clothes from his upper body were missing, an IV line was firmly placed in the crook of his arm, and an oxygen mask was uncomfortably pinching the bridge of his nose.

At least he wasn't naked this time.

"F-fuck..." He weakly groaned. When he tried to pry the mask off his face, he was rewarded with a sharp slap across the wrist.

"Nope. You REALLY need that, bro. Trust me."

Rick glared up at his assailant, though he knew there was no point; everything was being done in his best interests, so he had no other choice but to lie there and put up with it until he was feeling better.

"Welcome back, douchebag." Surgeon Rick stood over him with a firm look of disapproval all over his face. "You wanna tell me why I had to limp outta the peace and quiet of my room to come save your sorry ass yet again? What the hell were you thinking?"

Rick attempted to placate him by telling him what he wanted to hear. "I-I wasn't..."

"You got that right!" Surgeon Rick seemed charged up and angry, like he was ready to deliver another lecture. "While I'm glad you thought you were well enough to go parading around the multiverse on another fun adventure, I have the biggest fuckin' 'I told you so' right now!"

Rick covered his eyes with his free hand and made a loud sigh; he didn't want to hear any of it.

"You're lucky you found your way back here at all to be perfectly honest with you." Surgeon Rick turned his back to him. "So... how about that second opinion?"