Let The Ricks Fall Where They May
Written by Kat_Aclysm
Rated: - T for language
Disclaimers + Copyrights: Rick and Morty a cartoon, not mine, and copyright to [Adult Swim]. Created by Dan Harmon and Justin Roiland. Please support the official content.
NOTE: Covered a lot of plot stuff in this one. There's also medical/technical junk in this. Enjoy, it's FINALLY DONE. AAGGHH! (Thank you to the Anon on Tumblr who spotted the plot hole in this chapter! It's been fixed :D )
Chapter 28 – Rickremanded
December 2nd, 8:50pm Citadel Time, 2001
Cross-Temporal Rift Nebula, Location Classified
Citadel Of Ricks, Dimension Number Classified
Once back in the safety of the Citadel, things happened rather suddenly. Rick was rushed to the infirmary's operating theater for emergency surgery while Surgeon Rick followed the team who worked there; it was his main area of expertise after all.
This left the doctor with very little to do but wait around for news and process the events of the last several hours. Although he knew that the ship had been holding him back, it had served as the most direct means to his primary objective and its absence was going to leave a big hole behind. Even if he could continue his work at the Citadel, he still had the issue of being homeless to deal with.
When the thought of the hybrid-insect colony entered his mind, he pushed it out again; its loss was just another heavy blow. He didn't want to think about Rick either, but trying not to was a futile exercise and his ability to remain objective had failed him; the guilt was almost unbearable. Against all logic, the scientist had jumped in harm's way to save him and he couldn't work out why; they weren't on friendly terms and it wasn't even motivated by self preservation.
Even though he was utterly exhausted, he knew any attempt at sleep would be useless so he sat in the infirmary's waiting room and idly watched the steady stream of medical Ricks moving back and forth through the double swinging doors of the operating theater. There didn't seem to be any reliable pattern to their movements, and it was impossible to discern who was who because they all wore the same sets of plain colored surgical scrubs.
An hour of waiting turned into three, which turned into five. The doctor had obtained a bottle of wine by the seventh, which was half finished into the tenth. In the eleventh hour, one of the surgical Ricks burst through the doors and furiously ripped off his mask and surgical cap, then stomped over to sit in the chair at his left. His sleeves were soaked with blood and it decorated his scrubs from shoulders to knees, but he didn't seem to notice. Without saying a word, he snatched the bottle of wine out of Ricktus's hands and took a heavy swig from it, only to recoil afterwards.
"Oh god, how can you drink this crap?!"
"It's Pinot Noir," Ricktus wearily told him as if it would answer everything. "How are things going?"
"More like Pinot hell-naw, am I right?" The Rick elbowed him in the side and the faintest grin cracked through his sour demeanor.
Ricktus sighed; it was completely obvious who this was now. "Shouldn't you be back in there, C-711?"
"Yeah, but the damn fuckers sent me out for a break. I was still good." Surgeon Rick grumbled back. "I decide when I'm done, not grumpy Head Surgeon Rick dude. Believe it or not, he's even less fun than you... and to think I forgot why I hated working here." He took another sip of wine and handed the bottle back, having decided it was completely unpalatable.
"So has there been much progress?" Ricktus tried again. "Judging from the fact that they're still working, I assume he's still alive."
"Nah man," Surgeon Rick's voice fell flat. "He died."
"R-really?" Ricktus's brow furrowed and he was momentarily silent, but he retained his composure. "Oh shit..."
"Relax, bro. I'm just fuckin' with you." Despite the comment, any good humor the surgeon had was gone. "Yeah, see how bad it feels when I do it? Don't pull that shit on me again!" He ran a hand through the disheveled spikes on top of his head and let out a grumpy sigh. "He's alive, but barely. They're still trying to stabilize him. He flatlined twice but the team managed to revive him. We've also transfused 14 units of blood. I'm probably wearing at least two of them," his eyes tracked another medical Rick who was carrying a box of supplies in through the set of doors. "Make that 15."
"Oh god, and most Ricks barely have 12..."
"He's actually pretty lucky to be alive," Surgeon Rick continued. "We got here quick enough, plus that syrupy crap your bees make acted like a clotting agent and saved him from bleeding out faster. It still doesn't stop the bloodbath in there, but without it he would have been dead by now. Do we have any more lying around?"
"I'm not sure. If the Citadel kept any of the curative serum we developed, it'll be from old batches when it was our main focus." Ricktus buried his face in his hands. "We can't just get more... all the ingredients were back on the ship. I can't clone another batch of hybrids to make it either, I-I..." He took a deep breath and steadied himself again. "Things happened so quickly that I didn't think to bring back any of their genetic material with me."
Surgeon Rick was silent in thought. He got up and disappeared into the changing room, then returned with a bag of dirty laundry from his locker and dumped it onto the chair beside the other. In no time at all, he had pulled out the filthy set of clinical scrubs that he had been wearing throughout the ordeal on the ship; they were heavily stained with purple and green insect blood. After plucking a piece of soggy bee exoskeleton off the fabric, he offered it to him. "Can you use this? It's still fresh."
Ricktus raised his head and stared at the fragment, then up at his assistant. "You're... you're fine with giving this to me after everything I've done?" He delicately took it from him anyway; although small, its existence was valuable. "I've been meaning to ask you... was our alliance just one big elaborate prank you've been playing on me this whole time, and if not, why not?"
"Ugh. Shut up, would ya?" Surgeon Rick scowled. "You're an asshole, but you didn't deserve to lose everything like that. Besides, maybe you can use that to synthesize the clotting component. You kinda owe it to this guy now." When he heard the vibrating sound coming from the bag, he reached into it and plucked out an old-style flip phone, gave it a quick glance, then hung up, his expression even more soured than it had been before. "Nope."
Ricktus was glad for the distraction; anything was better than discussing their charge. "Not important?"
"Fucking Lizabeth," Surgeon Rick answered through gritted teeth. "She's been blowin' up my damn number since I scrubbed up. I should never have given it to her."
"You can't avoid her forever."
"I know," Surgeon Rick begrudgingly admitted, "but I can sure as hell try."
Before any more could be said, there was a flurry of activity as eight Guard Ricks hurriedly patrolled into the waiting room with Riq IV trailing in their wake. He gave his new surroundings a sneer of disdain, then moved to stand in front of the two Ricks seated at the far end.
Ricktus took one look at the new arrival, dropped his bottle of wine, and sprang up; having to face his boss was one the things he had been dreading since coming back to the Citadel and now he had a feeling of impending doom. Although his assistant was already standing, he elbowed him hard in the ribs to make him pay attention.
"How predictable that I would find you here," Riq IV's tone was immediately condescending. "Would either of you care to explain why my asset arrived in undesirable condition?"
Surgeon Rick raised an eyebrow in inquisition. "Your... 'asset', sir?"
Riq IV raised a pointed finger at the doctor. "Yesterday, this idiot signed all rights and responsibility of the Rick in his care over to me. That means I own him." He motioned towards the operating theater doors. "Now he's in there. This isn't the first time you've delivered a Rick to us in such a state, is it? You still haven't fixed the outstanding anomaly, have you?"
There was no answer.
"Perhaps you can shed some light on another matter," the Council leader was equal parts amused and irritated, though he was clearly enjoying himself. "Approximately twelve hours ago, the signal from the Citadel interdimensional communication network in your dimension was terminated. Would you like to tell me why all 325 computers went offline at the same time?"
"They, uh..." When the doctor found his voice, it wavered slightly. "T-they no longer exist, sir."
"Yeah, bro. Both of those things you're asking about are connected." Surgeon Rick's answer was considerably more confident. "It's a long story but we totally got our asses handed to us."
"Is that so?" Riq IV's brow flattened and his voice dipped low in genuine displeasure. "I would be most interested in hearing about it. So would the rest of the Council."
Ricktus had a sudden sinking feeling in the pit of his stomach; there was no good way he could pitch the story and he knew things were about to get so much worse.
On the other side of the waiting room, three members of the surgical team peered through the double doors and attentively listened in on the conversation. When their superior came up behind them, they darted out of his way and retreated.
"Do you think you're being paid to stand around? Get back in there!" The head surgeon demanded, then pushed his way through; the Council leader was just who he wanted to see. "Well well, if it isn't Riq IV himself. What an honor it is to have you grace the infirmary with your presence. Can I borrow a moment of your time?"
With a soft huff, Riq IV turned to face him; the acknowledgment of his authority was expected of all the Ricks in the Citadel, but it still managed to bore him. "You have thirty seconds."
"Esteemed councilman," the Rick promptly began, "I'd like to ask if we can stop the surgery. If we keep going the way we are now, we're going to lose him. It's becoming pointless."
"Did I not make myself clear when we first spoke? I want the asset alive." Riq IV growled; his patience was already wearing thin. "Are you questioning my orders?"
"Not at all, sir," the Rick tried to keep his frustration subdued, "but I want to understand your reasoning. You've given us nothing good to work with and at this point it would be better to just let him go." He took off his gloves and leaned against the door frame beside him. "Even if we do successfully finish sewing him back together, there's no guarantee he'll come out the other side of it."
"You know something I don't," Riq IV's expression did not change. "Go on."
"Fine," the Rick folded his arms. "He's been clinically dead for over four minutes on more than one occasion. We won't know what kind of damage he might have sustained until he wakes up again, that is, if he wakes up at all. He might be a vegetable for all we know." He made a soft discontent grunt and hesitantly continued. "If you want us to keep going with this ridiculous idea, then I'm going to need a viable corpse for organ transplant."
It was enough to make Ricktus speak up. "What are you going to replace?"
"I'm sorry, who are you and what business is it of yours?" The head surgeon turned on him. "By the looks of your uniform, you're not a member of my team. Go back to your little clinic and prescribe hemorrhoid cream to some sad loser, I-I don't know. What do you stupid doctors do all day?"
"Hey, screw you, buddy!" The comment made Surgeon Rick's anger spike in an instant. "This guy deserves to know as much as everyone else here. That Rick was ours before all this shit began!"
"You never were good at keeping your mouth shut, C-711. It was much quieter after you left." The Rick allowed a small grin to play across his face. "How's that lucrative side-business of yours going? It's probably the only thing you're good at."
"You son of a BITCH!" Surgeon Rick roared back at him. "I'll CUT YOU!"
"All of you, shut up. NOW." Riq IV pinched the bridge of his nose; tempers flared so often in the Citadel that he was more than used to it, but he was still disgusted that he had to bother listening to it at all. "You," he pointed to the head surgeon, "I want you to keep going with the surgery... get it done by any means necessary. As for you two," he glared back at the doctor and his assistant, "I want you in my private chambers at midday sharp. There are obviously several things we need to discuss."
The head surgeon made a loud sound of distaste and pushed off the door frame again. "Whatever you say, you're the boss. But what's so special about this one? We've let Ricks slip away for far less than this."
"Speculation on that Rick's importance is strictly forbidden." Riq IV's tone was icy cold and his expression suggested that he wasn't going to tolerate another challenge to the issue of his command. "That goes for all of you." He turned his stern gaze on his guards, and then to the others around him. "I will not have the entire Citadel engaging in baseless theories of what may or may not be. Anything you do here is to remain classified and if anyone asks, we're going to pretend that none of it ever happened. That is all."
With that, the Citadel's leader haughtily swung around and left the waiting room with the entourage of Guard Ricks hot on his heels. Meanwhile, Head Surgeon Rick shoved back through the doors of the operating theater and resumed hollering commands at the rest of his team.
Surgeon Rick watched them all go. "Huh... well, that wasn't so bad. Maybe he just wants to talk?"
"I appreciate the assurance, C-711, but..." Ricktus slumped back into the chair behind him and lowered his head; that feeling of impending doom was growing ever stronger. "It's when they don't yell that you have to worry. We are SO screwed."
It was unusual to see the entire Council of Ricks seated outside of an official assembly meeting. One or more would usually be distracted or off on other business, and yet, here they all were, attentively watching the lower ranked Ricks on the table opposite them. Even Quantum Rick had abandoned his usual habit of doing random equations to sit down and listen, while Riq IV looked up from his clipboard every now and again to glower at them.
The tension in the air was thick enough to cut.
"Where do we even begin?" The Council leader leafed through the pages of a document on top of the pile. "You've somehow managed to destroy ALL the Council property given to you for your work project, the one Rick you were asked to bring back alive is grievously wounded, and..." He took a sharp intake of breath; it was obvious that he was trying to control his temper. "You want us to convict him for Rickicide? Why are you wasting the Council's time with this nonsense?"
"I watched him murder Rick C-139, sir." Ricktus replied instantly. "After taking him into custody, I had the corpse sent to the coroner and filed all the appropriate paperwork."
"You didn't actually SEE it happen," Surgeon Rick corrected him. "Way to throw the guy under a bus, dude."
Ricktus glared at him. "Whose side are you on here?"
Riq IV made a short huff of disapproval; he didn't have the patience to deal with another argument. He spent several silent minutes rereading the topmost document, then threw it on the table as if discarding it like a piece of trash. "Well, if you're so clever, then YOU tell me where the killing blow took place."
Ricktus pushed his glasses higher on his nose and leaned forward to take a look; it was the coroner report for Rick C-139. The information it contained was completely underwhelming and predictable - his blood alcohol level was elevated at the time of death, his airways were obstructed with vomit, and there was a significant blunt trauma injury down his back where he had fallen. The coroner concluded that he had died due to drunken misadventure and that no foul play was involved.
It was exactly as Rick had described it to be.
With a quiet resigning sigh, he slid the report away again; of course he was wrong again. It was just getting ridiculous by now, but even he didn't know how much worse it was about to be.
Now that the document was free, Surgeon Rick seized the opportunity to snatch it up and read for himself. "Aw shit, what did I tell ya?" He sounded way too cheery about his findings. "Just like the guy said, he didn't do it. You should have listened to him, boss!"
"You don't have to rub it in... and I'm not your boss any more." Ricktus wearily reminded him. "I fired you, remember?"
"Yeah, but when did I ever listen to you?" The surgeon replied with a grin.
"You're wasting our time," Zeta Alpha Rick grumpily remarked; he had better places to be. "You know why you're here, so get to the point. Tell us why you thought it necessary to destroy everything we gave you."
Ricktus knew there was no point in lying or remaining silent. He wanted to explain that the last thing he wanted was to lose his ship or his colony, and that if he could have done anything within his power to save them, he would have. But he knew that the Council hated Ricks lamenting about what could have been, so he he kept his story concise and factual.
Nothing was spoken through any of it, though the members of the Council occasionally exchanged glances. When the part about Rick's crazy idea to set everything on fire came up, Riq IV halted him with a short wave of his hand.
"Stop right there," the Council leader growled. "Are you seriously blaming the destruction of Council property and your entire project on the asset again?"
"Yes," the doctor responded at once. "I didn't want to go through with it, i-it all was Rick B-526's idea! I tried negotiating with the Gromflomites, but all they wanted was to kill us and steal everything. There was no way we could have escaped, so... B-526 took the lead and formulated a plan to rig my ship's engine to explode. It was the only way to stop the enemy from exploiting Council secrets, my research, and anything else from the previous owners that might have assisted them in... I don't know what their intentions were."
"Duh, interplanetary conquest? Doesn't matter now because they blew up, yo!" Surgeon Rick chimed in enthusiastically. "The ship's warning system didn't go off until they were right on top of us, but geez, the dumb fuckers sure as hell didn't see THAT one coming. Nothing could have survived the blast either, there was plasma and glass and radiated shit everywhere. You all should have seen it, boss. It was HUGE."
Riq IV leaned back in his chair and steepled his index fingers together. "Is this true?"
"Got no reason to bullshit ya," Surgeon Rick replied matter-of-factly. "Plus it was fucking awesome!"
"Interesting..." The Council leader's expression became thoughtful. "This changes things considerably."
"Oh yeah, while we're on the subject... both our portal guns are fucked." Surgeon Rick confessed. "We had to destroy 'em, but it was done in accordance with official protocol... sorta? Does using a portal gun as a grenade count?"
There was a quiet knock on the chamber door and one of the Guard Ricks removed himself from his post to answer it. Two Ricks brushed past him and let themselves in; one was a member of the surgical team and held a stack of documents under one arm, while the other was a Lab Rick and carried in a rack of test tubes containing biological samples.
Riq IV fixed a harsh glare on them, annoyed with the sudden intrusion. "This better be important. We're in the middle of official business!"
"The Rick that came in for surgery last night pulled through, sir. They're moving him to recovery now." The surgical Rick announced in a bored clinical tone. "We found something you need to see."
When the Lab Rick set the test tubes down before the Council, they collectively sat up with intrigue. Meanwhile, Ricktus breathed a subtle sigh and felt as if a heavy weight had been lifted from his shoulders; the news of Rick's survival meant that he might not be in as much trouble as he originally thought.
"Luckiest son of a bitch alive," the surgical Rick mused aloud. "The next 24 hours will be critical. He lost an enormous amount of blood but we were able to sew him back up. It's like he refuses to die."
"Yeah, tell me about it." Surgeon Rick added. "He's a stubborn asshole."
The Lab Rick was considerably more interested in getting to the point. "After seeing the noteworthy biological specimens that Rick Q-316 sent to the lab, we had to do further investigation. The Rick was right here and available, so we collected more samples and found more of the same foreign substance evident in his system." He delicately plucked one of the test tubes from the rack and held it up to show off. "It solidified in a crystalline structure and accumulated in his liver among other places. None of us have seen anything like it before, so we ran it through chemical analysis and it matches something else we already had on file. It's almost too convenient, isn't it?"
Riq IV sat up tall in his chair and narrowed his eyes in suspicion. "Go on."
The Lab Rick rummaged through his pockets and pulled out a glass vial of the doctor's pink curative serum. "It's nearly identical to this, but the active ingredient has been spent and now it's toxic." He casually tossed it onto the table. "The surgical team successfully performed a liver transplant because he was already cut open, but unless you remove the rest of the crystals, they're going to kill him. The lab boys are already working on an enzyme to dissolve them."
Ricktus couldn't tolerate listening to any more and slammed both hands down on the table in objection as he sprang to his feet. "That's a lie! My serum has NEVER caused any kind of reaction like that in anything I've tested it on!"
"Well, it has now," the Lab Rick turned to look at him. "You're Rick Q-316? Sucks to be you, buddy."
"The Council assigned that Rick to me to keep him alive!" Ricktus went on, his volume increasing with each word. "Are you suggesting I've harmed my own work project?!"
"No. We're blatantly accusing you of it with evidence to back it up." The surgical Rick presented his stack of papers down beside the test tube rack. "All your paperwork checks out - the timing, the gradual rate of failure, hell... you even recorded the time and date when you poisoned him in the first place."
"That's impossible!" Ricktus snapped back. "The serum we developed is metabolized by the liver and eliminated via the kidneys, i-it's harmless. We spent months testing it to get the same result, I've even tested it on myself! It HAS to be something else."
"If it was, we wouldn't be here, now would we?" The surgical Rick coldly countered.
"How was this allowed to happen?" Rick Prime's tone was considerably more level-headed than the others around him. "Who authorized it?"
"Certainly not me!" Riq IV hissed through clenched teeth and snatched up the new stack of papers to examine the information he'd been given.
"No, there... there has to be another cause," it was clear that the doctor was becoming desperate. "It's never happened before... why would it happen now?"
The surgical Rick answered as if it was the most obvious thing in the world. "This is just a wild guess here, but maybe a lifetime of alcohol abuse had something to do with it?" He shrugged. "His liver was already compromised, but your dumb serum was going to finish it off until we intervened. Do you wanna see what we pulled out of him? It looks a combination of cirrhosis and fuckin' pop rock candy."
Ricktus opened his mouth to speak, but thought better of it and sank back into his chair; the description had just changed the accusation from 'impossible' to 'feasible'. He lowered his head and stared down at his feet. There was no way he could face the Council's judgmental looks now.
Riq IV thumbed through the compiled evidence and raised an eyebrow. "It says here that this same unauthorized concoction was injected into his Morty as well. It's not dead, is it?" He looked up and glanced around the room. "Where did it go?"
Surgeon Rick gave his ex-boss a sideways glance, then answered for him. "He's very much alive, sir. I left him with the bird dude on the bird planet in Dimension B-526."
"That technologically challenged dirtball you found them crawling around on in the first place?" Riq IV growled, thoroughly displeased. "Well, that's not going to continue. Bring the Morty back to the Citadel and make sure it's not sick as well. The asset will be much more open to negotiations if he knows his property is safe and secure."
"So what are we going to do with these two, Riq?" Rick Prime kept his tone bland and unfeeling. "We'd be setting a bad example for the Citadel if we allowed their incompetence to be tolerated."
Maximums Rickimus made a low sound of acknowledgment. "Yes, we can't leave them unpunished. Everything was given to them with the express purpose of advancing the Citadel's knowledge base and for keeping the multiverse safe. We can't just be giving things away if this is the end result."
Quantum Rick gave his fellow councilmen an unimpressed glare. "Destroying Council property WAS done to keep the multiverse safe, and losing a few hundred computers is no big deal if there was no major data loss." He leaned forward in his chair and turned towards the two Ricks opposite him. "Leniency will be given because you obviously saw things getting over your head and signed all rights of the assigned Rick back over to us, but nothing accounts for why he came in with such substantial injuries. What happened?"
"H-he..." Ricktus did not look up. "After everything I did to him, he stayed back to help us. He led the way and kept us safe, a-and then he put his own life in danger to save mine."
There was another silent exchange of looks among the Council members.
"Unacceptable!" Zeta Alpha Rick pounded his fist on the table, then raised his voice at the five others beside him. "If they couldn't even follow simple orders, then what hope is there for either of them? I say we exile them right now!"
"Whoa, holy shit!" Surgeon Rick raised his hands up in a sign of surrender. "Don't you think that's a bit extreme?!"
Riq IV slowly nodded his head as he reasoned through the councilman's suggestion. "Yes, they are completely expendable. Finding a replacement will be easy and who knows, maybe we might actually get a Rick who knows how to do their job properly."
His words were met with a round of soft chuckles and snickering. At the far end of the table sat Ricktiminus Sancheziminius, who was completely unamused as he folded his arms across his chest.
"Yes, yes, let's take a vote on it," Riq IV seemed pleased with the idea. "All in favor of banishing these bunglers from the Citadel?"
"Why me?!" Surgeon Rick protested. "I mean, I get booting the guy responsible for it all, but you can't get rid of me for following orders. How is this fair?!"
"It isn't fair and we can do whatever we want." Zeta Alpha Rick angrily retorted. "You are incompetent by association. If we think the Citadel is better off without you, then so be it!"
Maximums Rickimus nodded in agreement, as did Rick Prime, while Ricktiminus Sancheziminius did not move and retained the same expression.
Quantum Rick chose to keep his demeanor calm and collected as a means of preventing the situation from becoming more heated. "It is an unfortunate predicament for all of us. Your project led to the clean disposal of countless deceased Ricks while protecting their portal guns from potential exploitation." He paused deliberately to let the words sink in. "Your inability to prevent your ship from being invaded can be overlooked, but the harm you have caused to your assigned Rick cannot. I will have to read through the laboratory documentation and only time will tell if there is permanent damage, but it is with deep regret that I must also vote for your exile."
Ricktus just kept his head down during the speech, his posture stiff as a board. He couldn't believe what he was hearing; just when he thought he didn't have anything left to lose, his very position at the Citadel was under threat as well.
"You couldn't even keep your own portal guns safe," Riq IV's voice became patronizing. "You were explicitly instructed to keep an eye on the asset and to only intervene once his health came into questio-"
"I did exactly as you requested," Ricktus quietly interrupted, "I saw what looked like radiation poisoning and I acted on it-"
"With a substance that was not approved by the Council prior to use. Whether intentional or not, you nearly killed him!" Riq IV icily talked over him. "Your initial diagnosis actually carried merit until this evidence was presented," he waved a hand at the table, "but the only beneficial thing worth documenting now is to never use your damn serum again. Your actions are borderline traitorous and the Citadel is better off without you. However, the Council vote must be unanimous for it to be passed, so..." His eyes fell on the one councilman who had not spoken the entire time. "Shall I take your silence as consent to exile?"
Ricktiminus Sancheziminius angrily glanced at the Guard Ricks around the room, and then at the Lab and surgical Rick. "If you are not directly involved with this hearing, then GET OUT."
There was a sudden scramble for the door.
The goateed councilman rose to his feet after the room was clear, then looked at each of his peers with an air of disdain. "I can't believe you're all so STUPID. A potential crisis was averted. Who CARES if a few hundred computers had to be destroyed in the process? They weren't the last ones in existence, were they?!" The words were spoken with fiery vitriol. "And so what if your oh-so-precious Rick was injured? It's still alive, isn't it? You still don't even know if it's the one you've been looking for, do you?"
An uncomfortable mumbling began among the members of the Council.
"That's what I thought." Ricktiminus Sancheziminius growled, then ignored them in favor of glaring at the two still opposite him. "Why are we so being quick to exile these Ricks when we so frequently discuss the need to expand the population of the Citadel? Have there been previous incidents? Has their loyalty been called into question before? No?"
The room was silent.
"It's obvious to me that none of this was done with malicious intent, and you're nothing but a bunch of blind halfwits if you think otherwise!" Ricktiminus Sancheziminius sounded furious. "They're idiots, but they're not traitorous. The fact that my business partner and your stupid Rick were brought back alive at all should account for something. If the Council doesn't want them, then I will take them myself. We're always in need of medical personnel for one thing or another. I'll find something for them to do."
Riq IV bristled with anger but said nothing; he wasn't about to start an argument with another member of the Council while the lower ranked Ricks were still present. Instead, he deliberated over everything that had just been said, then decided to brush it off entirely. "Whatever. But their project is to be terminated effective immediately, and they are hereby suspended until further notice. Is there anything else we need to discuss here?"
"Of course," Rick Prime's calm voice spoke again at the other end of the table. "How are we going to punish Rick B-526? He had a part to play in this as well."
Riq IV made a loud laugh of mockery at the very suggestion. "He was the only one with enough sense to destroy everything before it could fall into the hands of the enemy and you want to punish him? His actions may very well have saved us all from oblivion. If anything, the goddamn fool deserves a promotion!"
Rick Prime gave him a firm dissatisfied look. "He's still not registered-"
"Let me work that out." Riq IV icily cut him off. "Send technicians and a cleanup crew into the dimension to remove any remaining evidence. We're done here," he declared, having reached the end of his tether. "You can all get out of my sight!"
Surgeon Rick didn't wait for another word and hurriedly dragged his ex-boss out the door by the arm. Once in the hallway, he clutched at his hair and let out a noise that could only be described as a mix of anguish and bewilderment; not even he could believe the turn of events and his sense of loyalty to the Council had taken a huge hit because of it. "W-what the fuck WAS that?!" He hollered in no particular direction. "Why me?! I-I didn't do anything! Why are they punishing me for YOUR bullshit?!"
Ricktus just stared at him, the words barely registering. He wanted to say something, but all he could manage was a weak noise in the back of his throat as he sank to the ground; he could deal with being homeless, but no longer having a source of income and the fact that five out of six Council members had voted to get rid of him was sending his mind into a numb silence and his body was starting to follow.
Everything was well and truly fucked up.
"I got bills and a family to support, man! What the HELL am I gonna do now?!" Surgeon Rick paced back and forth; he was working himself into a frenzy. Without thinking, he kicked over a pot plant in his path and slammed a fist into the wall. "Screw these guys, I-I'm expendable!? I mean I already guessed it, but to actually hear them say that shit straight to my face?! FUCK!"
"HEY!" A Guard Rick that had been patrolling the hallways called out to him, alerted by the racket. "You can't damage Citadel property like that!"
"Fuck your property, asshole!" Surgeon Rick spat back. "Fuck plants, fuck this place, and FUCK YOU!" He was about to add more, but was distracted by the sound of muffled yelling coming from behind the closed door of Riq IV's private chambers; the Council of Ricks had become embroiled in an argument of their own.
The Guard Rick came up to stand beside him. "What the hell is happening in there?"
The question calmed the surgeon slightly. "The usual... i-it's all messed up, bro. They don't care about anyone but themselves, and this whole place is a fuckin' riot waiting to happen. It's only a matter of time before someone takes it out."
"Well duh," the Guard Rick said in a hushed tone, not wanting to be overheard. "All governments are like that. If this place ever goes to shit, it's gonna be precise, like an inside job, or-" He went quiet and stood at attention as the door suddenly swung open.
Five out of six members of the Council slowly made their way out, acting like nothing had ever happened. They each went their separate ways and the guard hastily followed after them, but Ricktiminus Sancheziminius stayed behind and patiently waited until they were all gone.
"You're still here. Good." The councilman spoke flatly. "I know what you're thinking, but don't worry about the Council. They'll come around in their own time." He subtly glanced up and down the hallway to make sure nobody else was nearby. "This is going to affect my supply chain, isn't it?"
Surgeon Rick's eyes widened, but he knew there was no point in hiding it. "Y-yeah, everything's gone. It's gonna take time to build up another batch unless I can find the stuff you need growing wild in another dimension somewhere."
"I don't care how long it takes, C-711. I know you're good for it." Ricktiminus Sancheziminius shrugged. "But you're going to need a new portal gun to do that. Anything else?"
"A new job, maybe? We lost all our shit, boss... the portal guns, the datapads, the computers, everything." Surgeon Rick glanced down at his ex-boss, who had since curled up into a ball. "We need some kinda reassurance that we're not totally screwed here."
"Please," the goateed councilman rolled his eyes. "As I said during the Council hearing, give me a few weeks. I'll figure something out. In the meantime, you can shut Riq IV up by retrieving that Morty from the dimension you left it in. I don't care which one of you does, but make sure you get some rest first. You look like shit."
"Oh yeah?" The surgeon tried to rack his brains for a witty reply, but he had been awake for too long and fatigue was starting to set in. "Well you're... you ARE shit."
"Whatever, just see that you get it done. I'll be in touch." Ricktiminus Sancheziminius shook his head and began walking off down the hallway. "Oh, and get that idiot up off the floor before someone trips over him."
It took Surgeon Rick a considerable amount of effort to haul both his tired self and his ex-boss back into the Citadel concourse, and after ten more minutes of dragging him through the accommodation sector in the middle of the structure, he found the apartment block that had been assigned to Rick.
The apartment itself turned out to be little more than a basic functional living space; there was a kitchenette along the left wall with a double bed in the corner, while the door to a bathroom and another bedroom existed on the right side. A dull grey couch occupied the middle of the room, which faced a flat screen TV on wall in front of it. It looked more like a simple college dorm room to him, but it was more than adequate for crash space.
A quick inspection of the bedroom revealed a crib by the door, a wardrobe, and a changing table; it had obviously been furnished with Morty in mind. The ceiling was covered in plastic glow-in-the-dark stars and Surgeon Rick couldn't help but grin at discovery; while incredibly puerile, it was the same kind of decoration he would have used on his daughter's bedroom all those years ago.
When he heard the sound of the other settling down on the couch, he turned around and waved a hand at their surroundings. "Not too shabby, huh? I could get used to this. I wonder how much it costs to rent?"
"The last place was free," Ricktus replied in a hollow faraway voice, "and it had a better view."
"Dude. I get that you're gonna be a moody bitch for a while, but you got off lightly considering how bad you fucked up this time. You should have listened to me!" Surgeon Rick felt his anger rising all over again. "And you know what's worse? I got dragged down with you! If I hadn't forged your signature on that crap I sent off to the lab, then I can't even imagine where we'd be right now. Probably royally effed in the a!"
"Probably...?"
"Yeah, but we're not, so, again, you're welcome, you..." The rest was muttered under the surgeon's breath as he wandered over to the bed and flopped down onto it. "Sancheziminius will sort everything out. You'll see." After making himself comfortable, he declared, "I got dibs on the left side."
"No offense, but what would Sancheziminius want with a half-blind cripple?" Ricktus snorted in disgust at the thought. "I don't really want a part in his illegitimate business practices either. There's better ways of making money than preying on other Rick's addictions and vices."
"Then tell him that. Dude got himself a place on the Council, sometimes he actually does proper administration wor-" Surgeon Rick's sentence ended abruptly when he heard the vibrations of his phone going off again in his pocket. In one swift motion, he yanked it out, looked at it, then threw it across the room. "Fuck you, Lizabeth! I already said I didn't wanna talk to you!"
"Is this a regular occurrence?" Ricktus finally glanced back at him. "You can't leave her hanging like that."
"Ugh... I know, we've been over this." Surgeon Rick's voice was muffled as he buried his face in his pillow. "If you're so worried about it, then YOU talk to her."
"You want me to pretend I'm you?" Ricktus raised an eyebrow at him, then got up to retrieve the old phone from the floor. He had mixed feelings about the idea; it had been well over a year since he had spoken with his own daughter and the thought of talking to another version of her was not a pleasant one. However, this was literally one of his last allies in the Citadel and he wanted to make amends, so with a great degree of reluctance he flipped the device open and put it to his ear. "Hello?"
"Oh god, dad... I'm so glad you picked up, I... I was beginning to think you were dead." The female on the other end of the line began to cry. "You have no idea how happy I am to hear your voice..."
Ricktus shot the surgeon an accusatory glare and covered the receiver with his hand, immediately regretting having agreed to it. "What's wrong with you? I thought you went over there all the time? When was the last time you actually saw this person?"
"Fuck her." Surgeon Rick tried to sound like couldn't have cared less, but in reality, it had been eating him alive for a long time. It was the last thing he wanted to deal with at the moment, so he put his hands behind his head and acted like he wasn't the slightest bit interested. "Make up some bullshit story and get her to leave me alone."
"Who's being the moody bitch now?" The doctor turned away and talked into the phone again. "Hi sweetie," it was forced and awkward, "I'm not dead, obviously. I've just been, uh, busy? I think?" He covered the receiver again and whispered back at his ex-assistant. "Give me something to work with here."
Surgeon Rick ignored him and began and began to hum aloud to himself.
Meanwhile, Lizabeth was already too wound up to call him out on the lie. "Dad... I've been doing a lot of thinking lately and I don't want to fight any more. Do you think you could stop hanging up on me so we can have a real conversation for once? Why won't you talk to me?"
"Uh, wow." He didn't know what to say; there was a lot of emotional baggage behind her words and he felt like he was being put on the spot. "I've been busy with work and stuff, yo." He repeated, throwing in the last part for authenticity. "Don't you get the money I keep sending? Tell me how it gets there again?"
"Dad, stop being a smartass. We don't need your money any more." Lizabeth's tone became apologetic. "I got a good paying job at the hospital and Jerry's taking care of things around the house. I don't care about what you've done in the past... I love you and I forgive you. Please come home?"
Ricktus glanced at Surgeon Rick again; he could have fabricated any story he wanted, but decided to go with what he knew. "Not a good time. Things have been hectic lately, plus I saved a life today, so there's that," he paused, then quickly added, "not bragging by the way. I'm just stating a fact."
"Wait... you're actually managing to hold down a job?" She actually sounded impressed.
"I'm pretty sure I just told you that." He didn't want to talk any more, and sounding weary came easily considering how genuine it was. "Look, we can deal with this, but not now. It's been a long day and I have to go."
"Do you promise?" The pain in the female's voice was evident. "I just want you to know that I'm sorry for everything I've said... I want you to be part of the family again."
"Yeah, bye." Ricktus hung up on her before she could get another word in. "Wow, that was..." He trailed off. "Not that it's any of my business, but feel free to fill me in on everything that's happened to you if you want me to talk to your daughter again."
"Nope." Surgeon Rick stubbornly replied.
"Suit yourself." Ricktus moved around the apartment to draw the curtains shut and turned the overhead light off. "That will stall her for a while, but if you want it to stop, then maybe you should actually consider visiting her?"
"Not happening." Surgeon Rick firmly told him. When he felt the weight sit down next to him on the bed, he shuffled over to give him more room. "So was it a sob story or was it about money? Told you she was a bitch."
"It was a lot more than that. It sounded pretty genuine." There were two soft clicks followed by two loud thumps as he disconnected his prosthetic limbs and dumped them on the floor beside him. "What you do in you own dimension is your call, but I strongly advise patching things up with your family while you still have one." He was already drifting off to sleep by the time his head lay back on the pillow.
Surgeon Rick was relieved to hear the soft snoring that soon followed; it meant that he didn't have to talk any more. While he knew that avoiding the long-standing issues with his daughter was unhealthy and would ultimately fail, he was still frustrated that she had made herself known on top of everything else he was already dealing with. With a sour sigh, he rolled onto his stomach and finally allowed himself a long overdue rest.
Their sleep would be interrupted only a few hours later with the loud knocking that came from the front door of the apartment. Ricktus was the first one up and he grumpily clunked over to answer it. He was immediately met with the sight of a Guard Rick, who shoved a package straight at his chest and stepped back again.
"What the hell is this?" The doctor tried to focus his eyes on the blurry shape ahead, still very much half-asleep. "How did you know we were here?"
"Let's just say I'm very good at my job." The Guard Rick spoke formally. "Sancheziminius sends his regards. He would have come himself but you're not important enough."
"Yeah, thanks for nothing." Ricktus slammed the door on him and carried the box to the coffee table to open it. Inside, he found two new standard issue portal guns, two replacement datapads, as well as a single sheet of paper containing their next set of instructions. "Hey, C-711, wake up and come over here, this looks important." He quickly read it and set it aside; it was just the same order they'd already been given. "Oh... which one of us is going to retrieve B-526's Morty? You're probably better off doing it."
"Bro... I-I don't wanna," came the deflated response. Surgeon Rick had barely been awake a minute and he was already troubled; the mere mention of Morty's name had him concerned that he didn't have an update on Rick's condition yet. "I couldn't even tell the bird person dude that his best friend was dead. How am I supposed to go back and tell him nope, never mind, we made a mistake?"
"Really? And here I was thinking you'd jump at the chance." Ricktus raised an eyebrow. "You'd get to be the bearer of good news. His friends would likely thank you and think you're amazing... maybe? I don't know, you're more familiar with them than I am."
"Dude, no. YOU'RE the one who fucked this up." The other reminded him with sudden harshness, still bitter over what had transpired during the Council hearing. "You're the reason we have to go back and get him at all!"
"I'm... not on friendly terms with the people of that planet to say the least." The doctor made an uneasy noise at the thought.
"Sounds like another 'you' problem if you ask me. You wanna fix some of the shit you've done? Well, start with that!" Surgeon Rick continued to verbally berate him. "You're the reason my brother is in the infirmary, and if it wasn't for my business contact and doing all that shit behind your back, then fuck... FUCK!" He couldn't properly articulate his words and they devolved into furious unintelligible nonsense.
The other just stood there and let him go. As much as he wanted to counter with his reasoning behind everything, he didn't; he knew he'd have to live with his mistakes and his ex-assistant had a valid point. When it was quiet again, he simply nodded in acknowledgment, picked up one of the portal guns and the datapad, then headed for the door.
"What, so that's it?" Surgeon Rick sat up properly. "You agree with me?!"
"C-711, take some more time out and go back to sleep." Ricktus concealed his feelings behind a stoic expression; it bitterly amused him that he'd lost more between the two of them and yet, he was the one trying to calm him down. "You might also want to consider dropping by the clinic and getting proper medical treatment for your ankle and plasma burn."
"Fuck you, bro!" It was all he could think of to say as he pushed himself off the bed and headed for the bathroom. "Don't dodge the issue!"
"No, I get it. It's just pointless to keep going on about it." Ricktus carefully watched him from the doorway. "You're going over to the infirmary at some point, aren't you? Call me if you have news on B-526."
"Yeah," the comment managed to disarm his temper. "O-of course."
"You know, you've got the room to yourself while I'm gone. It's a good opportunity to take a dump in peace and quiet." Ricktus tentatively offered in an attempt at humor. "Eating fiber and staying hydrated is for important for bowel health."
"Dude, what the fuck? I was only going in there for a shower. I-I need one because I stink!" Surgeon Rick stuttered back. "You know we got covered in bug guts, right? The only reason I didn't take one before napping was because I was so damn tired!"
The doctor finally left the room with a faint smirk on his face, leaving the other loudly rambling at his back in protest; he knew just how to push his buttons.
December 3rd, 11:50am Local Time, 2001
Birdperson's Tree House
Bird World, Dimension B-526
His amusement faded when he stepped out of the portal and onto the landing of Birdperson's tree house. Ricktus had arrived with no real plan on how to take Morty back peacefully, and he felt vulnerable without the protection of weapons or his bee hybrids for backup this time around. Right from the start he knew it was a bad idea to just waltz inside, but he pushed through his apprehension and did it anyway; this was something he needed to fix and there was no point wasting time standing around outside.
Squanchy was the first one to spot him. He was still trying to adjust to the news that Rick was dead, but curiosity overtook him as he slid off the couch. He identified him as a different Rick right away; his scar, his glasses, and his clothing were all off. His scent wasn't right either, further confirming that this wasn't the Rick he was used to.
Ricktus just stood there and waited to see what would happen; he wasn't being attacked and took it as a good sign. "Hey. I know this is probably weird, so if you have any questions, don't hesitate to lay them out for me."
"Well, you're not Sanchez," the feline stated the obvious. "But squanch, man! You could sure pull it off and make a good replacement."
"That's... not a question." Ricktus stubbornly pointed out to him. "Don't you want to know why I'm here?"
Although the feline creature knew he was a fraud, his next reaction wasn't hostility; his last encounter with another Rick hadn't ended badly. He began to pace around him as if sizing him up, then put his nose to his pant leg to get a deeper whiff. When he smelled hydraulic oil along with the biological components, he drew his head back in surprise. "Whoa, you got some major squanch goin' on there. At least you don't smell like rotting fruit and sickness."
"Yeah, about that," Ricktus twisted one side of his mouth into an uncomfortable frown. "I'll just get to the point. Your Rick is..."
He never finished his sentence. There was a sudden high-pitched squeal from the next room as Morty announced his feelings on being handled by somebody he barely knew. "N-NOO!"
Squanchy's ears flattened against his skull and his face twisted in torment. "Oh god, it's doing it again... it hasn't stopped squanching like that since it got here. Get it away from us!"
"Wow, really?" Ricktus's eyes widened at the request; he hadn't expected it to be that simple at all. "Uh, that be arranged."
The commotion got louder as Morty escaped from his caretaker and ran into the living room. Birdperson followed after him with relative ease, though he stopped in his tracks at the sight ahead and all the feathers on his neck bristled in a warning display. When Morty tried to make a dash for the spiky haired man, he plucked him up off the ground and protectively held on.
"Squanchy," Birdperson said plainly. "Step aside."
Morty's immediate response was a loud cry and he reached out with both arms towards the doctor; as far as he was concerned, this was Rick, or at least good enough to be him. After not seeing him for so long, being prevented from getting to him caused his protest to grow into a desperate screaming demand. When Birdperson did not let go, he started thrashing violently in his arms.
It was painful to watch, and even more painful to know that Morty actually wanted him. "Hey, come on," Ricktus said in a low voice. "Give him what he wants, huh? Hasn't he been through enough torment? I know you're angry about what I've done, but I can make all your problems go away. If you'll just hear me out-"
"You," Birdperson interrupted him abruptly. "I know you. You are the one that captured Rick against his will. You were also the one who shot myself and four other members of my flock out of the sky. Then you knocked out my neighbor and took this one away from her." He nodded down at the little boy still screaming at him. "Why should I listen to anything you have to say?"
"Yeah, guilty as charged, but did anyone die?" Ricktus growled back, suddenly frustrated. "I had valid reasons and this is why you need to listen. I have important news for you, all I need is five minutes of your time-"
"No," Birdperson spoke over him again and spread his wings out in a display of intimidation. "You are a threat and must be removed. Get out of here before I am forced to strike you down."
"Whoa, take it easy, BP!" Squanchy moved into the space between the two and raised his paws up to mediate. "Is there any harm in letting him talk? You might even be able to squanch him for some pointers on humans."
"I can do one better," Ricktus said self-assuredly, "I can take him away and you'd never have to deal with him again."
It was the best news he'd heard in days. "Great!" Squanchy enthusiastically clapped his paws together. "Where do we sign up?"
"No." Birdperson shook his head. "It was Rick's final wish for us to take care of Morty and I cannot dishonor his request. I will not hand him over to a dangerous inadequate substitute simply because he has shown up."
"Who cares? He looks like Sanchez... close enough if you ask me." Squanchy tried to reason with him. "Besides, isn't he better off with his own kind? Isn't that what Rick said himself?" He glanced up at the fussing child. "Look how much he wants to squanch over there."
"Yes, but Rick also very explosively expressed the fact that he did not want to leave Morty with another Rick." Although Birdperson remained completely expressionless, the ruffled feathers on his forehead suggested that he wasn't in the least bit impressed with Squanchy's attitude. "You have made your opinion quite clear already. If you do not wish to play a part in Morty's upbringing, then you are free to leave."
"Goddamnit!" Ricktus pinched his brow. "Your Rick's not dead! We got caught up in some trouble and he was the one who ended up suffering for it. He's been critically injured and needed surgery to save his life, but he's recovering from it now. It's also probably safe to say that his illness has finally been diagnosed as well." He deliberately left out the part about being responsible for it. "This is has all been one big misunderstanding, but we can fix everything. I've got orders to take that Morty back to the Citadel, so... if you'd like to hand him over, I'll be on my way."
Birdperson became completely silent; he wanted to believe that his best friend was still alive. Hearing that Rick had found himself in harm's way yet again sounded authentic, but he was reluctant to trust the doctor's words.
Meanwhile, Squanchy's reaction was a complete opposite and he positively squeaked with joy. "Oh my god... the goddamn bag of squanch is alive?!"
"For now. I'm still waiting to hear more." Ricktus released a tense breath he'd been holding in and finally allowed himself to relax a little. "Give him to me. He's going to be a lot less upset if you do."
"No. Morty is staying here." Birdperson's face remained blank. "As much as I would like to believe your story, you have provided no evidence to support it. If Rick is truly alive and wishes to take Morty back, then surely he would do it himself?"
"Ugh, what did I just say to you? Is your planet so backwards that you don't know what anesthesia is?" Ricktus stared hard at him. "He's not awake yet. It's going to be days before he's well enough to sit up, let alone stand. But if you need convincing that badly, why don't you just see him for yourself? The infirmary doesn't have formal visiting hours so you can sit with him if you want. I just don't know how they're going to take you being there, you're not a Rick and they're a bit... uh, protective."
Birdperson remained unconvinced and did not move.
"You want me to leave without him? Because I can make it a lot harder than it needs to be." Ricktus openly challenged him, becoming impatient. "Here's what's going to happen. You either give him to me now, or another version of me that you don't want to run into will send armed personnel into your dimension and take him by force. It's your choice."
Birdperson didn't know what to think now. There was nothing in the doctor's body language or tone to suggest he was lying, which meant that the open threat could not be ignored either. He knew he would be taking a huge risk by agreeing to his first suggestion, but returning Morty back where he belonged was more important than his own reservations. After carefully considering his options, he finally gave in and held the little boy out for him to take. "Very well, I will go with you on one condition – I get to decide what to do with Morty after I have seen Rick. I just hope that you are indeed correct."
It had been a while since Ricktus had properly held Morty, and he was more than a little clumsy with it. Morty didn't help either, and he was partially choked as the little boy tightly hugged him around the neck. Just holding him filled him with a great deal of pain; it was a stark reminder that his universe had cheated him out of his own Morty, and that his goal of obtaining another seemed so much more unreachable now.
For all the noise he had been making, he was relatively easy to calm down again; all it took was a few simple pats on the back and just standing there with him. While he knew he wasn't an adequate substitute for the real thing, being so readily accepted told him that he was still a better candidate than the others around him.
"I'm sorry, Morty." He would have said so much more if they were alone. "I'm sorry I'm not your Rick."
A sinister thought suddenly crossed his mind; there was literally nothing stopping him from whipping out his portal gun and kidnapping him. Neither Squanchy or Birdperson would be able to stop him if he was quick enough, and as far as he knew, they had no way to chase him across dimensions. However, as tempting as it was, it was his own conscience that held him back; he didn't have it in him to deprive a Morty of his Rick when he had such a strong bond with him. There was still the outstanding fact that Rick had taken a hit for him for no apparent reason and stealing his Morty now would just be a major insult.
With a resigning sigh, he conceded defeat; he would just have to find another, no matter how long it took.
"See?" Squanchy was annoyingly smug. "Told you he was better off with his own kind."
Birdperson merely stood there with his arms folded, unsatisfied; although this was the quietest he'd seen Morty since he'd arrived, he hadn't wanted Squanchy to be right. "Stay there." He quietly instructed before slipping into another room.
It was then that Ricktus noticed the smell; it was like old diapers and stale body sweat. He screwed his face up and would have pulled Morty away if he wasn't being hugged so tightly. "When was the last time you washed him?"
"We didn't." Squanchy admitted. "He wouldn't let us. He just kept squanching... so much squanching..." He pinned his ears back again. "Don't humans lick themselves clean? We tried feeding him too, but he was pretty terrible at hunting."
"What!?" Ricktus choked out. "How was Rick comfortable with leaving him here with you? If this had gone on longer, y-you... you could have starved him to death!"
Birdperson returned with the portal gun that Rick had given him a couple of days ago. "In our defense, Morty rejected every food that was offered to him. I am not certain if he did this out of grief, if he did not like what was being presented, or because he is as stubborn as Rick himself." He was momentarily silent as he turned the dials, and the plasma sphere flickered up the bulb as it was turned on. "I will need assistance in using this to get back here."
Ricktus narrowed his eyes at the device. "Wait... why do you have that, and where did you get it?"
"Hey, yeah, why did you get that out? Rick said it was only meant to be squanched for emergencies." Squanchy spoke up. "I don't think you should be using it for other stuff."
"Squanchy," Birdperson replied, completely monotone. "I believe this would be an appropriate time to use it. As there is nothing stopping this untrustworthy Rick from leaving me stranded once we have arrived in the new dimension, taking Rick's backup portal gun along will give me a guaranteed way to return."
"Can't argue with that." Ricktus conceded. "But it should be confiscated. Only a Rick is supposed to have access to that kind of technology, it's too risky in the hands of somebody like you. He should never have given it to you."
"In my experiences with Rick, he seems to enjoy doing things that he should not be doing."
"Can't argue with that either." Ricktus grunted in frustration. While he knew he should be removing it right there and then, it was keeping him agreeable. With one hand still firmly holding Morty in place, he fired his own portal gun at the nearest wall; taking him back to the Citadel so he could get some basic care was a higher priority. "We're leaving," it was an instruction and not a request. "We'll have to get creative if we want to get into the infirmary, so shut up and do what I say if you don't want to get shot."
Birdperson raised an eyebrow ever so slightly. "I am suddenly less confident with this idea."
With nothing to do, Surgeon Rick found himself in the Citadel infirmary. He'd arrived partly because he wanted an update on Rick's condition and to read his medical records, but mostly because he wanted to know that his friend was going to be OK.
Getting into the recovery ward wasn't difficult; the other medical Ricks knew who he was and didn't care that he was there. Finding Rick was easy as well, and the sight he was met with was more or less what he expected; he was laid out on a hospital bed in a dimly lit room all by himself and had been partially covered with blankets to keep him warm.
"Hey," Surgeon Rick said casually as he stood beside him. "You're a fuckin' idiot, bro. You know that, right?"
No response; he was completely out to it.
A plastic face mask supplied him with oxygen and a beeping heart monitor constantly tracked his heartbeat, confirming that he was still very much alive. He was also hooked up to two IV lines - one had been inserted into in his right forearm and was being used to replenish blood components, while the second was situated in his right wrist and linked up with two bags of fluid hanging from the stand beside the bed. One contained saline solution for hydration, but the other was unlabeled; it was cloudy-white, its purpose unknown to him.
Looking further down the bed, the surgeon observed another tube that disappeared below the thick heavy bandages on Rick's abdomen and delivered liquid food to him via a pump. He also had a catheter line that snaked from under the covers to a collection bag hanging off the side of the bed, which was partially full and had pink sediment accumulating in the bottom; they'd obviously already started the treatment to dissolve the remaining crystallized serum in his system.
Surgeon Rick pulled up a chair and quietly sat for a while. Just listening to the rhythmic steady pace of the machines in the room was a good sign; it meant that Rick was finally stable. He wasn't quite in the clear yet, but he'd come a long way for someone who had nearly died only 24 hours ago.
The Citadel infirmary had no ICU to speak of because of its small size, but the orderlies were never far away and came in at frequent intervals. One recorded vitals, while another checked IV lines and administered medication into them. As soon as they were gone again, the surgeon found Rick's medical records at the foot of the bed and began to read, though the surgical notes detailed most of what he already knew; his broken ribs had been set, his perforated stomach had been sewn back up, and his liver had been replaced entirely. They also outlined just how lucky he was; the projectile had narrowly missed his spleen and pancreas, but had torn a major artery and if it had been any larger, he wouldn't have survived at all.
Flipping the page revealed charts and a slew of numbers mapping his progress, but it was boring and he put it back where it belonged; he still had a long way to go, but all that mattered was that he was alive. There was also the outstanding concern that he might have suffered brain damage while deprived of oxygen after flatlining, but it couldn't be evaluated until he woke up again.
When the dinner cart rolled by, he stole a tray of food from it and reclined in the chair to watch the patient TV above the bed. By the time he'd finished it off, Ricktus arrived in the doorway with Morty in his arms and Birdperson following close behind.
"Holy crap... you actually got him back." Surgeon Rick sat up in surprise and stared at Morty, then at the feathery male. "How did you get him in without the guards noticing?"
"Trust me," Ricktus coolly replied, "you don't want to know."
"Get him outta here," Surgeon Rick urged him. "If they find out you brought him in, you're gonna get in so much shit."
"How could I possibly get into any more trouble than I'm in now?" The doctor made a short hollow laugh and his attention drifted towards the empty tray on the bedside table. "Why did you eat that? It's meant to be for the patients."
"Because I was hungry? Duh. Besides, he doesn't mind." Surgeon Rick turned towards Rick and flashed him a grin. "Do you, bro? Say nothing if you're OK with it."
No reply.
With a fed up sigh, Ricktus moved across the room and offered Morty out to him. "Get him to the clinic as soon as you can. He's alert and asymptomatic, but Riq IV won't be satisfied until he's been checked over." He stepped away again and began to assess Rick in much the same way that Surgeon had. When he found his medical records, he became completely engrossed in reading them.
As soon as Morty was in the surgeon's arms, he grabbed and pulled at his hair. Even though he could see Rick quite well from his new vantage point, he didn't recognize him in his current state and wasn't interested in trying to get to him. With everything he'd been through in the last couple of days, either of his dimensional counterparts were comforting enough.
Surgeon Rick could quite easily tolerate Morty's abuse, but not his offensive smell. "Holy shit, did you find him in a fucking sewer? Goddamn..."
Ricktus flattened his brow, but did not look up. "I may as well have. B-526 made a terrible guardianship decision, but I'll tell you about it later." He peered over the top of the page he was reading and glared at Birdperson. "Now's not a good time."
Meanwhile, Birdperson stood at Rick's side and silently watched his still form; he was nothing like he remembered. He was used to seeing the strange little human standing tall, proud, and full of energy. Right now he was none of those things and only looked vulnerable and completely helpless. Rick certainly didn't smell like himself either; he was devoid of his typical alcoholic scent and an unnatural antiseptic medicinal odor surrounded him instead.
Although the tubes and machines connected to him were largely beyond his comprehension, he knew he was still alive by the steady rise and fall of his chest. He'd seen Rick down and out like this more times than he cared to remember, but knew he was much tougher than his scrawny frame would suggest.
At least he looked comfortable.
He reached out with a hand to gently touch his shoulder as if needing to confirm that it was really him. Once satisfied, Birdperson finally sat down in another free chair in the room. "Can he hear us?"
"No." The doctor's cold clinical voice responded right away. "He's still under anesthesia. It'll be several hours before he wakes up at the very least." He flipped two pages of the medical records and kept reading. "But it looks like the surgical team wants to keep him sedated to give him more time to heal."
Birdperson slowly nodded. "Is he in pain?"
"Hah, definitely not." Surgeon Rick had to smirk at the question. "Have you seen the list of shit they've got him on? Bro would be trippin' balls if he were conscious right now."
"Will he survive?"
"Probably?" Surgeon Rick took a moment to think before giving a proper answer. "It's looking more and more likely as time goes on. He's doing better than he was three hours ago, and he's better than he was six hours before that." The questions were much too simple for his liking. "I-I don't think you're quite grasping the situation here... don't you have invasive surgery on your planet? What happens if one of you gets cut open and your guts spill out?"
"We just die." Birdperson replied, his voice as emotionless as ever.
"Uh..." Surgeon Rick didn't know how to respond; it hadn't sounded like sarcasm or a joke. "That used to happen with us too, but we've kinda moved on from those days."
Birdperson sat back in the chair and silently marveled at how advanced the medical technology around him was; everything was either dedicated to keeping Rick alive or for monitoring him. It eased his mind even if he didn't understand it and he knew his best friend was in good hands here. "Very well. I will allow you to have Morty back if you are certain that Rick is going to wake up again." He placed a hand on Rick's shoulder again, noting how warm he felt. "What happens to him now?"
"We wait." Surgeon Rick shrugged; he was more than used to explaining the post-operative process. "Now he risks stuff like infection, blood clots, and kidney failure. He has no chance of rejection, though... his liver came from another Rick. Being able to pull a DNA-identical donor from an infinite number of realities sure beats a waiting list, right?"
Birdperson just blankly stared; the concept was completely lost on him.
"Ugh, whatever." Surgeon Rick shrugged. "He's on detoxification treatment as well. It's experimental, but the Lab Ricks know they're doing. He should perk right up once it's done."
"How do you know this?" Ricktus looked up. After leafing through the medical records again, he began pacing around the bed, slightly irritated that he had missed such a detail. "It hasn't been documented."
"It's easy to make an educated guess if you're paying attention, boss. Check it out," Surgeon Rick pointed to the collection bag hanging off the side of the bed. "See? It's working too, his kidneys are busy flushing it out. Kinda gross, but it's effective."
Ricktus stared for a long minute, needing time to process what he was looking at. "O-oh god..." His voice faltered when he finally spoke again. "I really did cause this..."
All eyes were on the door when the sound of marching footsteps could be heard coming up the hallway. Without warning, Riq IV's personal entourage of guards barged their way in and trained the glowing red laser sights of their weapons straight onto Birdperson the instant he was spotted.
Riq IV was not far behind. He casually sauntered in with his hands behind his back, looking like he didn't have a care in the world. "Well, well, well... it seems like you can't keep yourselves away from my asset for long, can you?" His eyes locked on Birdperson and glared at him like he was a disease. "What is THAT doing here?"
"I went with a peaceful negotiation option, sir." The doctor stood at attention as he quickly explained. "He's not likely to cause harm and I'll get him out of here as soon as he's done."
"No. He leaves NOW." Riq IV snapped a finger and pointed at his guards. "You know what to do."
Before Birdperson could react, he was forcefully pinned to the ground with both arms seized behind his back, while a second guard moved in to immobilize his wings and kick his portal gun out of reach.
When it was done, Riq IV stood over him. "You know, I could have you terminated just for being here. The location of the Citadel is top secret and you know too much. But I won't... consider yourself lucky you have friends in high places." His face brimmed with haughty arrogance. "Do not come back. You won't be so fortunate next time."
"I-is that necessary?" Surgeon Rick opted to stay out of the way while the same thing happened to his ex-boss. He remained seated and watched on as Ricktus's portal gun was used to locate the dimension Birdperson had come from, and then a portal was created to dispatch him back into it.
"Now that unpleasantness is out of the way... why did he even have this?" Riq IV retrieved the portal gun from the floor, then carelessly threw it over his shoulder. "It doesn't look amateur. Tell me what we're dealing with."
One of the Guard Ricks immediately fumbled for the device and took out a scanner to examine it. "It... it appears to be a Council issue core in a custom build, sir." He paused to wait for the readout. "It's registered to Rick D-491 here at the Citadel."
"Well, it's mine now. Take it away." Riq IV turned his fiery gaze back on the doctor and the surgeon. "Something you forgot to mention during the Council hearing, perhaps?" He dismissed it with a wave of his hand. "Whatever. I'd rather hear an update on my asset than another one of your excuses."
Surgeon Rick wearily sighed; he'd literally just been through the same conversation with Birdperson. Still, despite his soured opinion of Riq IV, he willingly gave him the story and spared no detail. "We're gonna get the dude's Morty checked out after this," he quickly added. "Everything is going just as you wanted."
"Good." Riq IV seemed satisfied. He glanced off to the side as if debating something, then decided to just say it anyway. "If the asset is going to live, then I have a job for both of you. The Council was... too swift to pass judgment considering nothing of value was lost." He made a dissatisfied sound in the back of his throat, thoroughly hating being wrong in any capacity. "If you want to nurse your assigned Rick back to health, then I will allow you to collect your 2.1 million credits when it's done."
"You mean like an orderly, sir?" Ricktus slowly got to his feet, not quite sure how to take what he was hearing. "Because that's waaaay below my level of expertise."
Riq IV bared his teeth. "Do you want the damn job or not?"
The doctor gave a short nod as silence came over him, not wanting to dispute it.
"Excellent. See that he gets this when he wakes up and make sure he understands its significance." the Council leader stepped forward and set a small plain colored box down on the beside table.
Curiosity overtook the surgeon and he wasted no time picking it up to examine the contents. "H-holy shit," was all he could manage to get out; inside was a gold Council of Ricks pin nestled on a small black velvet cushion. "What is this for?"
Riq IV didn't reply immediately. "As you are well aware, a cleanup crew was dispatched into Dimension Q-316 to deal with the aftermath of your little mess... but as you said, it wasn't little, and there's nothing to clean up." As he began to pace, it was difficult to tell whether he was irritated or impressed. "They are yet to report exactly how large the series of explosions were, but it's safe to say that everything within a thousand seeton radius has either been completely vaporized or vitrified."
Surgeon Rick gave a low whistle of appreciation.
"Furthermore, we had the archivists look into those battle plans you submitted to the Council. The circumstances in your dimension were... unfortunate. But fear not - everything appears to be dead, and it looks like you can back up that absurd claim you made during the last assembly." Riq IV settled his attention back on the doctor. "If their findings are to be believed, then this Rick is almost solely responsible for dismantling a proto-version of the Galactic Federation before it had a chance to form." A cruel grin grew across his face. "Obliterating both the enemy and the technology they wanted to exploit is an effective strategy. A true 'destroyer of worlds' indeed."
There was no reply; the other two Ricks just stared at him in stunned silence.
"There will be an official induction ceremony once he is well enough to be in attendance. Make sure he actually shows up." The Council leader's expression was almost predatory as he unhurriedly headed for the door. "He is an exemplary example of a Rick, and whether he wants to admit it or not, he's a leader. Make sure he keeps that badge. He's earned it."
"But... what about the potential brain damage?" Surgeon Rick found his voice again. "We can't rule it out-"
Riq IV cut him off with a harsh growl. "I'll deal with it."
"If I may speak candidly," Ricktus seemed hesitant, but spoke his mind anyway. "I'm not going to dispute your reasoning for issuing B-526 with a gold pin, but... is he the Rickest Rick? Is that the reason why you're making us spend all this time and effort keeping him alive?"
"I thought I told you not to speculate that Rick's importance... you must have a poor memory." Riq IV stopped in the doorway and turned back to glare at them. "Nothing is confirmed, and you would do best to shut the fuck up about it until I tell you what the Council's next move is. Is that clear?"
More silence.
"Good. You DO know how to shut up," Riq IV slipped into the hallway. "Make sure it stays that way."
Once the room was quiet and clear of guards again, the surgeon carefully closed the box back up and returned it to the bedside table. A quick check on Morty revealed that he had since fallen asleep despite all the chaos around them; his ordeal on Bird World had been an exhausting one and it had finally caught up with him.
Surgeon Rick vaguely wished he could do the same.
"So," he offered an attempt at conversation. "All your shit gets blown up and this guy gets a promotion because of it. Sucks to be you, doesn't it?"
"You heard what Riq IV said, C-711... shut up." Ricktus's weary tone suggested that he didn't want to talk about it.
Surgeon Rick ignored him and continued anyway. "Lucky thing I was awesome to him, right? Because now he literally has the power to make our lives miserable. Hopefully he won't turn into too much of an asshole because of it."
"You're not going to have that problem," the doctor pulled up a chair to sit beside him. "You've already forged an alliance with him. He'll remember that."
"I dunno, man... authority corrupts people." Surgeon Rick idly watched the steady pulsing line of the heart monitor. "Maybe he'll turn power hungry like the rest of the Council or some shit?" He leaned back in the chair, discontent with the thought; it was just another hypothetical and he wouldn't know what would happen for certain until Rick woke up again.
"Oh, I'm sure he'll treat you favorably considering what you've already done for him." Ricktus's next words were accompanied by a dry laugh. "Case in point - Rick D-491's portal gun core didn't end up with his strange bird person friend for no reason. Care to explain that one?"
"Nope," the reply was too quick and almost defensive. "Fuck you."
"See? You'll be fine." The doctor removed his glasses to rub a hand over his face; he was still exhausted both mentally and physically. "You're not the one who nearly killed him. He'll remember that too."
"Nearly, but didn't." Surgeon Rick grumpily sighed; he knew if he entertained this for too long, his ex-boss would slip into another one of his moods again. Instead, he decided to change the subject entirely. "Hey... thanks for doing the thing. Uh, with Lizabeth, I-I mean."
"Whatever," Ricktus shrugged it off, "I bought you time. Don't be an idiot about it."
A few moments of silence passed and Surgeon Rick stared off into nothingness; with Morty fast asleep on him and the knowledge that Rick had a good chance of pulling through, his mind was in a much better place than it had been. He also knew he'd been far too grumpy earlier and should probably say something about it. "Hey, uh..." Before he even started speaking, it was already awkward; Ricks as a rule were generally too proud to apologize. "About the bullshit back at the apartment. Sorry, I guess... I-I was just mad. We didn't get banished and now Riq IV wants us to take care of the bro here, so that's gotta be worth something, right? It means you can fix the mess you made."
Ricktus simply looked back at him with a flat expression, making it obvious that he didn't want to talk.
Surgeon Rick tried another peace offering strategy instead. "So... after this Morty business is done with, y-you, uh... you wanna go get a beer?"
Ricktus shrugged again; he didn't drink beer. "Sure."
