~AL~
Be Honest With Me
April 1996
~AL~
"That's it! You've sulked long enough and it's time for you to get out of bed. Now!" said my, all of a sudden, friend Rose.
"Seriously Bella. This has been going on too long." That was Alice. I kept my eyes shut.
And as I figured, Rose was on my bed shaking the shit out of me. "Bella, you look like shit. We're worried about you. All you've done is sleep, barely eat, and go to work. And the only time I've seen half alive is when Matthew is home."
God, these women were a bunch of annoying twats and I was just not in the mood.
Still with my eyes closed, I said, "You guys need to get the fuck out of here. Leave me alone, I need to sleep."
Rose scoffed and clicked her tongue. "Sleep? It's three o'clock in the afternoon. You've been in bed since last night."
Shit, really? Had I slept that long?
Ever since we returned from Cabo a month ago, I had been so tired. The desire to go out or spend time with any of my friends was nonexistent. I hadn't seen Edward since we left Cabo. Our shifts were always the same. Although, since we'd been home, I hadn't seen him at work once. I thought he was purposely avoiding me.
I tried calling him several times but he never answered, which was frustrating because I wanted closure. He owed me an explanation. However, I wasn't going to hold my breath because it hadn't happened yet and he'd had a whole month to talk to me. I was just so disappointed and hurt over what happened and how he handled it.
I mourned the loss of future plans we had. He bought us tickets to see Maná in concert. We were going to take Matthew to Disneyland together. We had made short-term plans, but they were our future plans. And it was all thrown away as if it had never mattered to begin with. All that gone and over what?
"Rose, seriously. Please just give me tonight. Tomorrow I have to work and I'll be as good as new. Please. I beg you, just one more night," I said as I curled myself into a ball, snuggling into my bed.
"Bitch, that's it. This is your last day of this bullshit. Tomorrow I better see you back to normal. No more moping," Rose threatened and I heard the front door close as they left.
~AL~
The next morning I woke up chanting positive things to convince myself that I was going to be okay. I figured if I repeated them and said them out loud, I'd believe them.
"I'm a strong independent woman and I don't need a man. I feel good, look good, and I am good. I'm a strong independ–"
"What in the world are you saying, and who are you talking to?"
I turned to find an amused Leah watching me as if I was insane. I started cracking up. I was losing my mind.
I looked her straight in the eye. "I'm being positive. I'm starting a new day and I need to snap out of this funk."
"Well, it's about time. Hey, I wanted to ask you. My brother's having a party next Friday night and I want you to go with me." I stood in the kitchen listening to Leah. "So, will you … go?" she asked with a squeak to her voice. She was afraid I would say no, since that's all I had been saying lately.
"What kind of party?"
She turned around to make some coffee and I stared at her. I wanted to know what she was inviting me to. A kid's party? A family event? Or a party, party? Like with booze, music, and dancing?
"Oh, um, just a party. All of my brothers and my sister will be there. And I'm sure their friends are going as well. I'm going to invite the girls, too."
I thought for a moment and figured why not? It was time I moved on and put into practice the thought Edward and I were over.
"Yeah, I'll go." Her eyes went wide in surprise with my reply. She turned back to the coffee. "Make enough for me, too, yeah? Please."
"Of course. You work tonight?" she asked.
"Yeah, at fourteen-thirty," I answered. "You?"
"Yeah, same time. You want to carpool?"
"Sure, let's stop at the Seven-Eleven on the way to work. I want to buy a lottery ticket."
"Okay," she said as she pulled out two mugs from the cabinet. A minute later the coffee machine beeped. I sprang over to the direction of the liquid gold and poured myself a nice big mug of it.
"Mmmmm," I hummed to myself. First sip was always the best and the coffee was just what I needed to wake up fully. I wanted to clean my room a bit before work and straighten up the house.
~AL~
Time went by way too fast, and we had to leave for work. It truly only took us less than ten minutes to get to the airport, but since I wanted to stop we had to leave a bit earlier. Leah drove and I just stared out the window. Before I knew it, Leah was pulling into the parking lot of Seven-Eleven.
"Do you want anything?" I just wanted to run in real quick.
"No, thanks."
I nodded. "Okay, I'll be right back."
I walked into the store on a mission and didn't pay attention to anything or anyone around me. I stood in front of the counter waiting to be helped. There was no one there. I looked behind me to see if I could spot the guy that usually worked there, and my heart dropped to my shoes.
Looking into the eyes of Peter, Edward's roommate, made me nervous and I wondered if Edward was with him. My eyes bounced around and I didn't see him, so I looked at Peter's face. He was just as shocked to see me. I decided to speak first since we were standing there in a Mexican standoff.
"Hey,"
"Hey," he repeated.
"He's not with you, is he?" I asked.
He shook his head.
"I've been trying to call him and he won't take my calls. I wanted to know what was up with the concert." I wanted to know a lot more than that, but I couldn't tell Peter that.
Peter's eyebrows rose and he looked confused.
"We already went to the concert," he said, looking super nervous.
That was it. That was my tell-all. He wanted to take me to that concert because Maná's songs were special to us. He dedicated one of their songs to me, and he went to see them without me. Wow!
"Did he go alone?" Crap, I didn't mean to ask, because I knew Peter wouldn't answer me honestly. That was Edward's friend, not mine. Loyalty, bro's code and all the shit.
"No, he took some girl, Tanya I think her name was." He shrugged like it was no big deal.
And that was all it took. Heat traveled from my feet straight to my face, I could feel the anger and hurt taking over me. I ran out of there before I did something I'd regret.
I pulled the door of the car open and jumped in ready to go. "Let's go, please," I begged.
Leah sat there looking at me with pure confusion crossing her face. "What's wro–"
"Please, Leah. I'll tell you in a moment, just go. Now. Please."
My breathing picked up and I began to hyperventilate a little. I bent forward and rested my head between my knees. I was going to pass out or have an anxiety attack or both.
That news was more than I could handle. Just when I decided to move on and let go, I find out he'd been seeing that fucking boyfriend stealer from Cabo. Oh my god! I can't.
"Jesus, Bella. What is it? You're scaring me."
"Leah, I don't even know if I can work tonight. God, you have no idea what I just found out," I said between big gulps of breath. I needed to slow my breathing down. My feet and hands were beginning to tingle, first noticeable sign of hyperventilating.
"What is it? What did you find out?"
I felt the car stop and I slowly raised my head and saw we were in the employee parking lot. I glanced at the clock and we had a few minutes before the bus came.
I turned my head to look at her. "Peter was in there and I asked him about the concert. I thought it was coming up, but I guess it already passed. Anyway, Peter said, Edward went with a girl named Tanya. That's the girl from Cabo."
I breathed in for a count of five and out for five. I watched Leah gape at me as I counted my breaths. I didn't even have time to truly process that horrible news before I saw the bus pull up to the stop. I grabbed my bag and jumped out of the car. My nervous energy was pulsating through my veins. I heard Leah's door shut and her footsteps directly behind me.
~AL~
