Let The Ricks Fall Where They May

Written by Kat_Aclysm
Beta Read by Unlvcrjchick
Rated: - T for language

Disclaimers + Copyrights: I don't own the original IP. Come on, we're 31 chapters into it now. Go buy the official crap and support the official release and stuff.

NOTE: Thank you to my wonderful beta reader, Unlvcrjchick (both here on FF.n and Tumblr) for absolutely FLYING through this chapter before publish. Also thank you for updating the earlier chapters and finally making this insane project halfway readable, haha. I honestly cannot thank you enough for all your hard work!


Chapter 31 – Gold Star Rickommendation

December 13th, 10:06am PST, 2001
Suburbia, Smith-Sanchez Family Household
Earth, Dimension C-711


Rick glared at the others around him, waiting for some kind of indication that they were kidding. When nothing happened, it only raised his suspicions further. "Well?! Don't just stand there like a couple of fools. Say something!"

"It's not a prank, bro. Not this time." Surgeon Rick was the first one to speak. "The big boss awarded that gold pin to you while you were still unconscious in the Citadel infirmary. That's why you gotta go back and see him... he plans to publicly congratulate you for blowing shit up and saving Citadel secrets from falling into the Federation's hands. He also probably wants to invite you to be part of some exclusive high-rank bullcrap... maybe? I dunno, I'm just speculating on that part. Either way, he must've forgotten that one time you threw the huge temper tantrum and basically told him to go eff himself."

"I think he has the capacity to overlook that considering recent events, but no, this isn't another one of C-711's silly pranks. I doubt he has the cojones to pull another one on you so soon." As Ricktus commented, it was clear that he was still wary and on-edge. "That badge is yours to keep, sir. One of our instructions from Riq IV was to give it to you and to make sure you understand its importance. I thought you should know before you go back to the Citadel. It would seem that the arrival of the 'Rickest Rick' has attracted quite the crowd."

Rick could feel himself slipping back into a bad mood.

"Furthermore," the doctor added, his tone becoming serious and formal, "if you wish to retroactively punish me for everything I've ever done to you, then I would understand. You have the authority to do as you see fit with us, but I would ask that you keep C-711 out of it. I'm the Rick you want, not him."

Rick made a loud dismissive sound. "And why the hell would I wanna do that?"

"What?" Ricktus raised a brow in his confusion. "Really...?"

"You want me to tell you what to do?" The scientist was frustrated that he even had to bother explaining it and raised his voice. "I've never liked it, so why would I do it to anyone else? Do you have ANY idea how fucking hypocritical that would make me?!"

"Whoa, watch your language, bro!" Surgeon Rick yelped. "Not in front of the grandkids!"

"Ugh, fine..." Rick growled at him, then resumed talking to the doctor. "Look, the only thing I've ever told you both is to stop letting yourselves be pushed around and to stop taking crap from other people. I'm gonna keep standing by that too, because just watching you makes me embarrassed to be myself."

"Are you sure you don't want to punish me for inconveniencing you and making you sick?" Ricktus questioned, not believing a word of what he was hearing. "But you've been holding a grudge against me since the day we met, and you seem to enjoy reminding me of my mistakes at every given opportunity. I would've thought you'd jump at the chance to use your new rank as an excuse to reprimand me."

"Well, you thought wrong!" Rick hissed back. "What would that achieve anyway? It's not gonna change anything. I didn't appreciate being your guinea pig and some of your methods were bullshit, but if you know what to do differently the next time this same kind of sickness comes up, then I'm willing to let it go." He paused deliberately to let the other take it in. "I know it's hard to believe because it almost never happens, but yeah, we make mistakes. I've made more than I care to remember, and one of them cost me everything. You're lucky you can come back from yours. I can't come back from mine."

Ricktus disagreed entirely; he could see no possible way of turning his situation around without his ship or a source of income, but he also didn't want to argue in case the scientist changed his mind about punishing him. "Yes, sir. I will do more research next time."

"You could also try listening to your peers for once," the suggestion was a serious one, but it was spoken in a sarcastic tone. "Your assistant is an idiot, but his opinions are as valid as your own. Sometimes you need another mind to bounce your ideas off of."

The other slowly nodded his head. "That's no longer going to be a problem, sir."

"Try actually listening to me as well. We could have prevented SO much stupidity if you'd only reasoned through what I was telling you instead of reacting to what you saw."

"I will never question your judgment again, sir." The doctor looked away uncomfortably. "A word of advice for the future... next time you decide to retrieve a live Rick from his native dimension, get him to safety as quickly as you can. Rick D-491 survived because of your quick thinking and leadership skills, but Rick C-139 died because you let him out of your sight. You may not have directly killed him, but it was an amateur mistake to make."

"Mistakes have been made on both sides," Rick returned through gritted teeth. "Now get over it and don't ever call me 'sir' again. I-I'm not your superior."

"Um... Dads?" Lizabeth spoke up, finding herself nervous in the rising hostilities. "Do you need us to step out? This sounds like it should be a private conversation."

Rick gave her a dismissive shrug. "Nah, it's your house. Do whatever you want." He held Morty securely in one arm as he carefully bent down to pick up his portal gun by the handle. "I'm leaving."

"Aww man, you are?" Surgeon Rick made no effort to hide his disappointment. "Can we still hang out some time?"

"Yeah, sure, buddy." Rick sounded casually disinterested by the idea; he didn't want to appear too keen, but didn't want to wave him off either. "You know how to find me. Just use the same technique your boss used when he wanted to capture me."

Surgeon Rick didn't know whether it was appropriate to laugh or not, so he picked up the gold pin instead and held it out for him to take. "Don't forget this, bro."

"I don't want it."

"Huh?" It was the surgeon's turn to look confused. "But this thing gives you a free pass to do anything with the Council's blessing. You'd be able to command entire legions of Ricks and help influence new Citadel policy. You'd get an awesome luxury apartment on the Citadel spire and your only bosses would be the Council themselves. Why wouldn't you want it?"

"Because I don't need a shiny pin to do whatever I want!" Rick retorted. "I already told them I wanted nothing to do with their stupid fake hierarchy the last time I was there and nothing's changed. No matter how much you polish a turd, it still smells like shit."

"You sure you don't want it?" Surgeon Rick began to spin it in his fingers. "But it's like, the ultimate piece of cred. Some Ricks will spend the rest of their lives trying to earn one. You'd have to be crazy not to take it."

"Do I even need to say anything about that?" Rick plucked it from his grasp and tossed it towards the doctor. "Here, you're the one who wanted it so bad. You keep it."

"It doesn't work like that." Ricktus fumbled as he caught it and frowned with discontentment; as he held it in his hands, he realized that this was probably the closest he'd ever get to owning one. "It can't be traded, sold, bartered, auctioned, or given away. It has to be earned and I've done nothing worthy of such a commendation, but you... you always knew what was best for us. You risked everything to save my ass, our asses, and maybe all our collective asses from total annihilation."

"Is that all?" Rick matched his expression. "Phh... big deal."

"Actually, it is," the other countered. "You've always known what to do. Even when we questioned you, even when you were locked up and threatened with never seeing your Morty again, you always knew the best decision to make, even when it seemed wrong." He offered the gold pin back to him. "I can see now why the Council chose you and that's why you need to take this. We'd all be dead without you."

"Oh, for... cut it out!" Rick grumbled in annoyance. "It may have looked that way from your perspective, but I assure you, my decisions are no better or worse than any other Rick's. You're more than capable of doing the same thing, because you ARE me."

"I'm lesser than you," Ricktus politely reminded him, "and don't be so modest. All the decisions you've ever made place you at the apex of the central finite curve, which means you're literally our best self." He thrust the gold pin at him again, practically demanding that he take it. "The Citadel is waiting for you, B-526. There's a whole multiverse of Ricks that need your leadership and guidance."

"I told you, I don't want it!" Rick swatted it away with his free hand. "Do I have to go there and tell the Council myself?!"

"Aww man, can we be there when you do? Please? Can we?!" Surgeon Rick suddenly spoke up, sounding more like an excited child than the grown man he was supposed to be. "I wanna see you tell them off so bad! The dumb assholes have it coming to them after the way they treated us."

Rick's mouth set in a hard line. "What did they do to you?"

"Us," the surgeon quickly corrected him. "You already know the business with the Council dragging us into the office and voting to banish us, but that was done because the ship and computers got blown up, and you got sick and all that. Even though it was your idea, we got in trouble for it. I followed everyone's orders like I was supposed to, but I'm 'incompetent by association'." He made air-quotes with his fingers. "Their words exactly."

"Wait... so they're punishing you for the same stuff they're commending me for?"

Ricktus nodded in agreement. "That assessment is accurate, yes."

"That's so dumb I don't even know where to begin..." Rick felt a surge of anger rise up within him at the injustice, but concealed it behind a sour expression; he still hadn't gotten over the prank they had played on him earlier. As much as he wanted to comment further, he knew there was nothing useful to be gained, so he turned away and motioned towards the front door. "Well, uh... there's nothing more to do here. I can see myself out."

Lizabeth sprang to her feet at the words; she'd been paying attention to the whole conversation. "At least let me say goodbye. I'm going to miss you all very much."

Rick opened his mouth to object, then thought better of it and rolled his eyes; there was no real harm in fulfilling her request. "Fine."

Ten minutes later, Rick was back in his normal clothes and the Smith-Sanchez family was standing on the snow-dusted driveway outside the front of their house along with the other Ricks who had come into Dimension C-711. As the scientist came out to stand with them, he was given looks varying from amusement to respect, to something near contempt from Jerry; he was obviously glad to see them all go. Meanwhile, Ricktus's expression was guarded as he kept himself distracted with a stack of paperwork, and although it was impossible to guess exactly what he was feeling, Rick could tell he wasn't happy with the situation.

Although it intrigued him to know why, he quickly decided that leaving was more important and took out his portal gun. "So you really want me to tell off the Council of Ricks?"

"Hell yeah, bro!" Surgeon Rick enthusiastically whooped and thrust a fist into the air. "Give 'em your worst!"

Rick made a soft sound of amusement as he fiddled with the dial, then realized he didn't have the coordinate stored in the device's memory. "Here, you do it." He tossed it at the surgeon.

"On it, sir!" Surgeon Rick wasted no time catching it and punching in the correct information. "If you wanna stay on at the Citadel, you're gonna like it there. Your apartment ain't the best it could be, but it's cozy and you'll get a better one before long."

"Stop that! I already told you I don't want the stupid gold pin or anything that goes with it, a-and don't YOU start calling me 'sir' either!" Rick grumpily told him off. "I haven't decided where I'm going after this, but I'm not staying there... I'd go back to Bird World and crash on Birdperson's couch until I'm all healed up, but he probably left for the resistance by now." He paused in thought and frowned. "What happened with that anyway? Does he know I'm still alive?"

"He does." Ricktus answered with a short nod of his head but did not look up from his reading material. "In exchange for taking your Morty back into our care, I allowed him to visit while you were still in recovery. It's a story of its own and I can fill you in on the way to Riq IV's office if you wish."

"Yeah, whatever." Rick folded his arms. "Just get me outta here."

"Can do!" Surgeon Rick fired a portal at the space six feet in front of them. "After you, boss."

"Don't call me that either." As the scientist moved to stand in front of the portal, he hesitated; Surgeon Rick's family was still standing there and closely watching him. He gave a soft sigh of resignation and turned towards Lizabeth to give her what she wanted. "Thanks for putting me up here for a while, and thanks for taking care of Morty where I couldn't and, u-uh..." He scratched the back of his head awkwardly; he'd always been bad at goodbyes.

There was an uncomfortable silence just like there had been on the arrival, but Lizabeth would break it this time as she moved closer to him. "No, thank you," she quickly returned, "thanks for bringing my dad back to us. I don't think he would have come here if it wasn't for you."

"Hey, don't give me any credit. I didn't have a say in coming here." Rick scowled. "All I did was pressure him into talking to you. He did the rest all on his own."

"Well it worked, and it was because of you." Lizabeth insisted. "Thank you for everything you've done for us."

Without warning, the blonde-haired woman closed the rest of the distance between them and pulled him in for a firm, yet gentle hug. Rick reflexively tensed up at first; he'd always hated the tight, closed-in feelings associated with them, even if they were from close friends or family. As he slowly relaxed and tentatively eased into it, he actually found it soothing - it had been far too long since he'd received a hug quite like this one.

However, the moment was quickly ruined as he was once again reminded of his own daughter's demise. But there were no tears left to cry about it anymore; there was only the gaping void she had left behind and a burning desire to take revenge for her life.

No matter how much he wanted to stuff it down or drown it out, he knew that nothing would erase the fact that he missed his family with a ferocity that threatened to consume him, and that he badly wanted them back; he would even tolerate Jerry's presence again if he had to. He also knew that there would be no moving on or changing anything, even if he did seek out and murder every last member of the Galactic Federation in his home dimension.

Lizabeth must have sensed his inner turmoil, because she let go, stepped back again, and tried to turn it around by offering him some positive parting words. "You have to take care of yourselves now, do you hear me? You're all you've got."

Rick's expression hardened and he said nothing as he picked Morty up; he was suddenly keen to leave.

"I mean it. It's just you and him against the world now. Don't let anyone tear you apart." Lizabeth nodded in the little boy's direction. "If he ever misses his mother or wants to meet his parents someday, then bring him back here... I'm happy to play the part. I know what it's like to lose my mother and nobody should ever have to go through that."

Jerry chimed in and tried to help. "Yeah, there's no substitute for his real parents, but surely a grandparent has gotta be a good backup, right?" He made a soft awkward laugh. "So long as you're not a drug addict, too-"

"Whoa, it's time to stop!" Surgeon Rick abruptly shoved his way in between them. "He doesn't need a pep talk, guys. You're being super inappropriate and weird, and besides, you can't just offer that kind of stuff to people."

Lizabeth blinked in confusion. "Why not?"

"Because it's freakin' me out, that's why!" Surgeon Rick huffed in annoyance. "Let us worry about him, kid. Anyway, where's MY goodbye?"

"Oh be quiet, Dad." She teasingly punched him in the arm. "When are you coming back to visit?"

"I'm not so sure. I already told you the multiverse is a dangerous place and nothing is ever gonna change it. I'll come back for a little while here and there when I can, but you're better off without me."

Jerry seemed pleased with the information and gave the surgeon a smug grin. "It's good to see you getting along with Beth again, Rick. This might be a new beginning for you."

"Wow, that's... unusually nice coming from you." Surgeon Rick's brow dipped in suspicion. "I'm glad she could fill you in."

"She did." Jerry nodded. "It's Beth's decision and I need to respect it, even if I think it's wrong. I'm gonna need more time before I can move on and believe you've changed for the better."

"Oh geez, here we go again..." The surgeon grumbled in discontentment. "Look, Jerry, I'm gonna be level with ya - I'm already serving a life sentence for what I've done and no amount of good behavior is ever gonna fix it. That's on me, but I don't need to prove anything to you, OK? L-let's just agree to go our separate ways and fake getting along for my daughter's peace of mind."

"You know, I can hear you!" Lizabeth cut across the conversation. "Cut it out, guys!"

Jerry didn't seem to hear her. "Hopefully you won't be so self-destructive now that you have another chance, Rick. It could be your last. Don't blow it this time."

"You know, Jerry... if you wanna move on from something, you can't keep throwing it back at them like that." Surgeon Rick folded his arms and began to tap his left foot in agitation. "In psychology, we commonly refer to that phenomenon as 'being a dick'. I might even call it-HURRRK!"

He never finished his sentence; Lizabeth had tightly hugged him around the neck in order to shut him up.

"I'm going to choke you if you keep fighting with him, Dad." Despite her smile, she was being serious. "Both of you need to start getting along for real if we want to be a family again. Don't let your pride ruin a perfectly good goodbye."

"I wasn't the one who ruined it, sweetie..." Surgeon Rick muttered back through gritted teeth.

"Cut it out, Dad." Lizabeth's tone grew into a stern warning. "I mean it this time."

One of the Guard Ricks looked up from his communication device, impatiently glanced at the open portal, then turned his attention towards Rick. "We should get a move on, sir. Uh, boss... bro... dude? Whatever. I took the liberty of informing Riq IV of your arrival and he has extended an invitation for you to visit his private chambers right away."

Although Rick was deeply annoyed with the guard for doing it without his knowledge or consent, he nodded; it meant getting out of there. "Great. Let's get this over with."

As Lizabeth let go of her father again, her smile was bittersweet; she was glad they'd made progress in repairing their fractured relationship, but now she felt like he was leaving far too soon. "You ARE coming back, right?" She grabbed his arm and pulled on it to stall him a little longer. "Can we go to family therapy together? I think we'd really benefit from it if I booked an appointment. When is a good time for you?"

"Uh, never? I think I'd rather watch the rest of that Adam Sandler movie marathon." Surgeon Rick gently pried her off. "Buzz off, kid, I got a job to get back to."

"I doubt it," Ricktus bitterly interjected. "After we hand B-526 over, what happens to us? You can return to your dumb surgical gig at the infirmary I suppose, but about me? Ricktiminus Sancheziminius said he would find something for us to do in the long-term, but I don't want to sit around doing nothing while I wait for him to decide."

"Think of it as that vacation time you wanted." Surgeon Rick mused and motioned a hand at the nearest guard. "Things could always be worse, boss. For instance, you could be one of these guys."

"Hey! Fuck me, pal!" The Guard Rick nearest the portal snapped back and aimed his rifle at him. "Say that again, I dare you!"

Surgeon Rick flashed him a cocky grin as if issuing a challenge. "You dare me, huh? That's cool, but what do I get if I win?"

The other Guard Rick rolled his eyes at the childish bickering. "I suggest you shut up and move your asses. Don't keep the big guy waiting unless you want to see his bad temper firsthand."

"Already seen it and it's nothin' to brag about," Surgeon Rick replied. "I could do better if I tried."

Although Lizabeth didn't like what was happening, she gave a resigning sigh and walked towards the doctor with outstretched arms. "Well, I know you put in as much work as my father did and you deserve my thanks. Get in here."

Ricktus stared back and raised a hand up to stop her. "What are you doing?"

The blonde was suddenly embarrassed and a little hurt by his rejection. "You looked like you could do with a hug..." Her hands dropped to her sides again.

"Oh wow, NO. No thank you." Ricktus deeply frowned and shook his head. "Boy, did you read that wrong."

The guard was actively harassing Surgeon Rick by poking him with the butt of his rifle now, so Rick knew it was time to go. However, as soon as he got within four feet of the open portal, Morty desperately clambered over his shoulder, reached out for his 'mother', and gave a shrill cry of alarm; he knew the portal would take him elsewhere, which meant being taken away from her.

It made Rick stop in his tracks; he wanted to leave but Morty obviously didn't and now they were at an impasse.

"Settle down there, little buddy... y-you're making a scene." He told him in a firm, yet soft voice. "Nobody wants to hear that kind of noise, do you understand me? Nobody."

Morty wasn't listening; he was too busy screaming. Most of it was nonsense, but then two words from his limited vocabulary managed to break through. "Nnn-NOO! Mm-mommy!"

It was a new word that he hadn't heard from him before, but there were too many complex feelings and thoughts running through his head to praise him this time. Rick gave a soft sigh, bent over with considerable effort, and set the youngster on the ground so he could seek out what he so desperately wanted. As he watched his grandson hastily toddle away to hug Lizabeth's legs in the same way he would have done to him, he gave a subtle nod in acceptance; this was just Morty telling him what he wanted, only this time it was blatant. It made him feel like a fool for thinking that he would choose his grandfather over his own mother, but maybe it was better that way; Morty deserved a normal life with a proper family, after all.

So much for the preferential bias he had shown earlier.

"I-it looks like I'm gonna have to take you up on your offer," Rick quietly admitted. "Send your work schedule to your father and we'll go from there. Or..." He trailed off and became silent as he considered possible solutions.

Rick was the very definition of a vagabond; he was more than used to drifting through space wherever adventure or whim would take him. However, Morty clearly needed something more stable and secure; somewhere where he could settle into a routine and a fixed environment in which he could feel safe. Although he likely had one during his time with Surgeon Rick's family in Dimension C-711, he needed something more permanent.

"...I-I could leave him here if he wants." He quietly suggested.

"Dude, what?! Are you fucking NUTS?!" Surgeon Rick forgot all about the guard and keeping his language in check around his family. "Don't do it, bro... you're gonna come undone. We just got him back for you, a-and we don't need another Morty. You can't just leave him here after all you've been through! The minute you're out of his sight, he's gonna cry for you all over again. Do you want that, bro? Do you?!"

"Well, no-"

"Then think of something else, 'cause it's a shitty idea!"

"It's the best one I've got," Rick muttered half to himself, his mind working hard on other options. "They could adopt him as a twin."

"Phh, no way, man." Surgeon Rick immediately disagreed. "Lizabeth already has too much on her plate as it is, and you haven't even asked if she wants another kid or not. It's a dumb idea... both of them would be called 'Morty'."

"This IS Jerry's kid we're talking about."

"Granted," the surgeon conceded, "but no. Think of something else. You're smart, you'll figure it out."

As Lizabeth listened to them, she felt compelled to share her own thoughts. "It wouldn't work on a permanent basis. Morty is already 18 months old and people will get suspicious if we had another child materialize out of thin air. Jerry's parents would definitely have something to say about it, and so would the neighbors, my work colleagues, his daycare... the police might get involved, too."

"Yeah, how would we explain another baby to the government? Beth doesn't look pregnant. She doesn't even look fat." Jerry laughed awkwardly.

All eyes were on him; nobody else found it funny.

All it took was for Rick to make another step towards the swirling green vortex and Morty decided he didn't want to be left behind. As the little boy ran back and adhered himself to his leg again, the scientist realized that even Morty didn't know what he wanted.

Whatever they did, it seemed like they would both benefit from some quiet time; it felt like they'd crammed a whole lifetime into the last couple of weeks. They both needed time to heal, and in more ways than one.

"Ugh, whatever!" The scientist suddenly snapped, frustrated and overwhelmed by it all. "I'm outta here." He dragged one foot with the little boy still attached as he went through the portal.

Ricktus gave a small wave and pivoted on his heels, taking it as a cue to make his escape; this wasn't his dimension or his problem to deal with, and it didn't worry him if he never saw them again.

"Well, I gotta go, sweetie. Take care of the grandkids for me." Surgeon Rick lingered behind the rest of the group. "Hopefully next time I visit, they can actually get to know who I am."

The blonde-haired woman nodded guiltily. "Dad? Wait up... I can't let you go without saying this - come back if you're not feeling well. We can work through it together next time."

"That's a nice thought, but you don't wanna have to deal with that noise all over again, trust me. You don't have to worry about me," he glanced at the open portal, "I got people watchin' my back now."

"OK," Lizabeth's shoulders sank in defeat. "Bye, Dad..."

"Cheer up, kid. I promise I'll be back someday, and I'm real proud to be your father." He tried to assure her. "You don't take no crap from nobody and it's your best quality. And Jerry? Um... fuck you again for getting my daughter pregnant. Later, turds."

Jerry couldn't even say anything in his defense; the older man was already gone.


December 13th, 11:27am Citadel Time, 2001
Cross-Temporal Rift Nebula, Location Classified
Citadel Of Ricks, Dimension Number Classified


The Citadel entrance hallway was nothing like he remembered it as he came through the other side of the portal this time. Ahead of him, Rick could see a long line of different Ricks that stretched from near where he was standing and went all the way to the front; they were obviously waiting to go inside. Members from the Citadel's medical team had been dispatched to the area to triage the injured and sick, while heavily armed Guard Ricks patrolled back and forth to keep order and prevent fights from breaking out.

As he stood back to take it in, it reminded him of a customs-arrival gate more than anything else. Meanwhile, Morty's reaction was to scoot between his legs and hide in the tail of his lab coat, overwhelmed by the sight of so many grandpas.

One of his assigned Guard Ricks picked the little boy up and handed him over so Rick wouldn't have to bend down again. "Sir, you shouldn't linger here. We have strict orders to get you to the front as quickly as possible. If you're ready, then take out your badge and we'll escort you up to Riq IV's office."

"Oh great, not again... this is even worse than the last time we were here!" Rick could hear one of the others openly complaining somewhere behind him. "Speed up your processing time, morons!"

"Settle down, bro." Another far-more-relaxed voice instructed him; he could easily guess that it was Surgeon Rick's. "We got connections now. We should abuse 'em."

"In the short term, maybe, but we shouldn't have to. The real problem needs to be addressed as soon as possible." Ricktus frowned as his gaze drifted down the line to one of the Ricks, who was nursing a bleeding eye. "More and more of us keep arriving every day and the infirmary is going to have a hard time keeping up if it continues. Some of them need treatment... urgently."

"Are you offering, boss?" Surgeon Rick asked jokingly, a wide grin growing across his face. "You DID say you needed a new job."

"How many times do I have to tell you to stop calling me that? I fired you!" The doctor grumpily reminded him. "Anyway, isn't that up for Sancheziminius to decide?"

"We're wasting time, sir." The Guard Rick impatiently prompted. "Some of these newcomers have infectious diseases and Riq IV wants to limit your exposure. You wouldn't want to come down with a nasty case of space flu, now would you?"

"Do you have permission to murder people or is this just for show?" Surgeon Rick casually grabbed the barrel of the guard's rifle and gave it a good shake. "Lead the way, gopher."

The guard sighed in irritation, but retained his military demeanor and pointed to Rick. "My orders are only for him."

"They're with me." Rick stated it like it was obvious, and it was; although they'd only captured him a little over two weeks ago, it felt like it had been much longer, and he was getting used to having them around.

"But, sir-"

"They're with me!" The scientist barked over the top of the guard with such force that it made him jump and stiffen in posture; as much as he hated the idea of bossing him around, it felt good to finally get his own way for once.

Once the group had started moving, they were at the front in almost no time at all; all it took was for Ricktus to hold up the gold badge and the other Ricks darted out of the way like they were members of the Council themselves.

The situation inside was similar and the ground floor of the Citadel was bustling with a semi-organized chaos; a large crowd of different-looking Ricks strolled across the concourse in small groups or by themselves. High above, a large team of construction-crew Ricks were busy welding giant steel beams in place to make the framework for new buildings, while others waited for the delivery of new materials so they could begin their own building work.

Without any warning at all, a whole new wing was suddenly teleported into position at the far end of the concourse and more of the construction crew practically pounced on it and began welding it to the existing structure; the Citadel of Ricks was literally growing right before their very eyes.

"Holy shit," Surgeon Rick slowed behind the rest of the group and whistled impressively. "That is gonna be one serious upgrade... how many new Ricks is the Council expecting to show up?"

"It's impossible to say. Maybe a few thousand?" One of the guards guessed with a shrug of his shoulders. "The Council fears that the sudden influx of new arrivals is going to place a heavy strain on local resources, and that number is expected to climb into the millions over the next ten years, so an emergency-expansion project is underway. The Citadel is gonna need more Ricks in every area of employment, so now is a great time to lodge a work application or start a new research project."

"Knowing our history, we would still probably be denied..." Ricktus bitterly muttered aloud to himself.

The guards hastily ushered the group through the crowd and avoided eye contact; the last thing they wanted was to be slowed down or questioned about the Rick they were assigned to protect and watch over. By the time they were outside Riq IV's door, Rick was painfully reminded of his physical limitations; even though he'd barely walked a few-hundred yards, he was quite out of breath and his still-recovering body was hurting in protest to doing so much so soon.

It also ruined his mood and considerably shortened his temper.

"Don't... d-don't expect me to thank you for getting me here..." As he growled at the guards, it was easy to tell how worn out he was. "A-are you... g-going to follow me everywhere I go?"

"Yes," one of the guards nodded without hesitation. "We're allowed to keep a perimeter of privacy where requested, but we're in your servitude until our death, or until Riq IV directs us otherwise. Whichever comes first."

"Wait... a-a perimeter of privacy?" Rick narrowed his eyes. "What the hell is that supposed to mean?"

"It means we don't have to be in the bathroom with you while you shower or take a shit." The guard answered with no humor in his tone. "But we are required to stand watch outside the door."

"F-fucking great... I-I didn't sign up for this!" Rick sputtered back, feeling himself becoming even more riled up. "How do I make you all go away?!"

"That would be up to the big boss, sir." The other Guard Rick told him candidly. "But I strongly suggest taking a breather before you go in and see him."

"Yeah, dude, you don't look so hot." Surgeon Rick agreed. "Do you wanna sit down and rest first? One of us can go grab you some water."

"I-I'm fine," Rick hissed as he pushed past them and opened the door. "Whiskey would be better..."

Inside Riq IV's private chambers, Riq IV, Quantum Rick, and Ricktiminus Sancheziminius were all seated around the oval-shaped table in the middle of the room and were busy going over more details of the Citadel-expansion project as well as housing plans for the expected population increase. The three councilmen looked up when the group of five came into the room, and then they slowly rose to their feet.

Riq IV was the first to move towards the new arrivals and spread his arms open wide in greeting. "Ah, there you are at last!" Although he spoke with genuine enthusiasm, the too-wide friendly grin across his face was forced. "So good of you to join us."

"Listen here, you pointy-haired prick," Rick found his strength and moved in so close that their noses were almost touching. "There IS NO 'us'. I'm not joining your dumb Citadel and I told you that the last time I was here. And trying to bribe me with a stupid gold badge?! How dare you think that I could be won over with a stupid piece of shiny metal and the preferential treatment that goes with it!"

Riq IV's grin disappeared, but he did not move an inch; being openly disrespected was not something he took lightly. "I would have hoped you'd see reason now that you've been given ample time to rethink your opinion of the Citadel."

"Reason? There is no reasoning with you about anything reasonable, and why would my opinion change?!" Rick gave him a sharp, aggressive shove in the chest with his free hand and stepped back out of his personal space again. "If anything, I'm even LESS interested in being here than I was before, and if you think you're gonna reward me for the same bullshit story you're punishing these other hopeless Ricks for, then you can go to hell!"

Riq IV's brow flattened as low as he could make it go. "Your behavior is completely unacceptable. No other Rick would ever dare speak to me this way, not even my own Council. Stand down and calm yourself at once!"

"N-not this time, asshole!" Rick shot back. "Do you think what you're doing is acceptable? Your organization is basically a bully that subjugates the ones who can't stand up to you, and you try recruiting the ones who can. Fuck your Citadel and your damn dictatorship!" He thrust a pointed finger in the direction of the other two councilmen. "And don't think that either of you are any better. Fuck you and you for enabling this shit!" He turned to face the guards. "Fuck you all especially! I don't want any of you following me around everywhere, i-it's downright creepy!"

"Settle," Riq IV's tone became a warning. "I will not tell you again."

"Fuck you in particular!" Rick whipped back towards him with bared teeth. "How the hell are you still in power? Why aren't there more Ricks who feel the same way I do, and why hasn't anyone assassinated you yet?!"

There was a loud clatter as all the Guard Ricks reached for their rifles at the same time and took aim at the scientist, including the two that had been assigned to him. Morty made a loud whimper in fear and buried his face into his grandfather's neck, trying to hide from it all.

Rick wasn't in the least bit fazed; he'd been threatened by much worse. "Relax, d-bags, I'm just being loud and hypothesizing." He gave Morty a few gentle, reassuring pats on the back to help keep him quiet. "Put those things away. You're scaring my grandson."

Riq IV felt so violated that he needed to brush the imaginary dirt off his robe. "You're lucky that's all you're doing... these guards wouldn't hesitate to take you out if I only gave the order. They would die for me if they had to."

"Phh, you honestly think a standing army is gonna save you?" Rick didn't know whether to laugh or yell at him for his arrogance. "If a Rick wants you dead bad enough, they'll find a way. Don't underestimate yourself, if you know what I mean."

When Riq IV furrowed his brows in a deep scowl, Rick matched his expression identically. As the two combatants locked eyes and glared at each other, it was clear that neither one was about to back down. After another moment of tense silence, the red-laser sights of the guard's rifles lit up on Rick's chest; they were serious about wanting to protect their leader.

"Hey, uh... bro?" Surgeon Rick uncomfortably cleared his throat. "I was super into it if you were gonna stick it to the man, but this is getting waaaay too intense for me. You might wanna stop with the threats. Just sayin'."

"Indeed," Ricktus nervously crumpled the medical records and discharge papers he was still holding as he watched on, not knowing what was about to happen; although he'd never seen the councilman have a Rick killed for insubordination, he didn't put it past him. "We've worked too long and hard patching you up just to watch you get shot again. You need to stand down, B-526."

Realizing that the situation was likely to get out of control if it were allowed to continue, Riq IV decided to shrug off the challenge to his authority in favor of trying another angle. "Gentlemen, please... this is becoming foolish. Nobody wants anyone to die today. Could we have the room to ourselves for five or ten minutes?" It was more of an order than a request.

"Ooh, someone's in trouble!" Rick taunted. "Oh wait, it's me... I don't know why I just said that."

One by one, the guards returned their rifles to their shoulders and marched out the door in single file. Ricktiminus Sancheziminius and Quantum Rick followed them, as did Surgeon Rick. However, Ricktus was far less comfortable with leaving his old charge alone with the Council leader and gave them both an apprehensive glance as he dropped Rick's medical documentation and discharge papers down on the table beside the rest of the plans.

"Is this a good idea?" He asked tentatively. "Not that it's any of my business, but-"

"Leave!" Riq IV icily cut him off.

Rick's eyes tracked the doctor as he scampered out like a scared rabbit, and it wasn't until after he was gone that he spoke again. "What gives? You come at me with a show of force and dominance, and now this? It doesn't matter whether you play hardball or nice, because the outcome is the same... I'm still not interested." He found himself feeling tense at not being able to guess what the other's next move could possibly be.

"Rick, settle down. I'm not even going to pretend to like you, but I am not your enemy." The Council leader dropped the high and mighty act he had been playing and shut the the door, locking it in the process. "You know as well as I that if there's any truth in the universe, it's that we can't stand ourselves. Nobody asked for any of this, including you. And yet, here we stand."

The scientist tilted his head as curiosity began taking over and he stared at the councilman. "So... you're gonna make me stand here and listen while you waste my time with talk?"

Riq IV gave a soft, amused huff as he moved away to stand at his window with both hands behind his back. "No." He shook his head, sounding even more calm than before. "Unlike last time, you are free to leave whenever you wish. You DO have the most interesting portal gun in the multiverse, after all."

"Wait... what?" Rick raised one eyebrow inquisitively; it seemed like he couldn't help himself. "What do you mean?"

"Although it was one of the reasons I gave the order to have you watched, Quantum Rick was also interested in seeing the blueprints from the moment you started designing your new portal gun. He was most fascinated by its intricate detail when he finally got to see it in person, which is a rarity for him." The Council leader almost sounded proud. "It truly is like no other... and the fact that you built it using only used parts and whatever garbage you had from your local surroundings is even more impressive."

"So? Just about everything I invent has been made out of garbage at one point or another." Rick shrugged off the compliment and took the opportunity to make a jab at the other's expense. "You should try it sometime, seeing as though you're king of the trash pile you've made for yourself."

Riq IV's left eyebrow twitched, but he contained his anger and continued with what he needed to say next. "We needed to modify your portal gun and install a self-destruct mechanism before it was returned to you, but it's a testament to the innovative thinking of Ricks like you. With your permission, we'd like to use elements of the design in our new standard-issue portal gun model here at the Citadel."

Rick was about to say something smug, but went silent for a moment as he actually considered the request seriously. "Uh, sure? It doesn't bother me, but stop it with the dick sucking there... i-it almost sounds like you're trying to pick me up, and I'm not sure how to feel about that." He paused to shoot the other a death glare. "You fucked with my portal gun?! Not cool!"

Riq IV slowly shook his head again and let out a grumpy sigh. "Relax. It has been registered to you and it now complies with all Citadel guidelines. You'll never get any trouble about it again."

"Great..." Rick huffed as his eyes darted back and forth between the Council leader and the door. "So, now that we've established I'm not taking your stupid gold badge, I am free to go, right? You're not gonna do something weird if I try leaving? Because I am SO over being chased, imprisoned, tied up, and coming under fire. I just wanna sit down, go through my grandson's issues, and catch a damn break for once."

Riq IV didn't answer immediately this time; he was too busy watching the activity on the concourse many levels below. When he did choose to speak, he didn't feel the need to repeat himself and asked a question of his own instead. "Do you truly find the Citadel that reprehensible? I'm sure you'd find some good in it if you only gave it a chance."

"I don't doubt that, but the shittiness far outweighs anything good that could ever come out of this place." Rick grumpily countered. "And don't even get me started on what I think of you. While I suppose it's comforting to know I have somewhere to crash whenever I want, what happens after that? Hiding out here isn't a good strategy... i-it isn't even a strategy at all!"

"We won't have to hide for long if we had you on our side." Riq IV gave him a sideways glance, his expression turning predatory. "I saw something in you the moment I gave the order to have you watched. I could have chosen any Rick I wanted, but I picked you because you were special. You're among the best of us. You keep pushing through everything that comes your way, no matter what, and you win every time. Are you going to tell me that I chose wrong?"

"Oh god, are you talking about that 'Rickest Rick' crap? It sounds statistically probable, but I highly doubt that it's me." Rick held back a laugh of mockery at the suggestion. "And what the hell? I win at everything? Um, hello, have you even SEEN my winning streak lately? Take one look at all the dumb shit that's happened to me recently and say that again, I dare you."

Riq IV only responded with a thoughtful hum.

"I mean, look at all the events that unfolded in my dimension, for a start... 'Destroyer Of Worlds'? Yeah right, maybe of my own. And if I'm meant to be the best version of myself, then the rest of them must be doing pretty poorly."

"They are," Riq IV nodded, and he wasn't kidding. "But they would be much better off if they had the right kind of Rick directing them. Why don't you come over here and take a look at all the Ricks you're letting down before you decide to leave?"

"That's not gonna work, bro. Making me feel bad about a bunch of imbeciles I've never met is kinda like dragging me through the pound and expecting me to feel sorry for all the hopeless schmucks on death row. Puppies are victims to their adorableness, just like Ricks are victims of their own intelligence. I say let it be and don't interfere – they're quite capable of dealing with their own problems. Let the Ricks fall where they may." Rick stated firmly, then came up to stand beside him if just to humor him. "Anyone who likes the idea of your dumb secret hideout is either stupid, or they don't know what they're getting themselves into until it's too late. And if they do stay on, they're only interested in what they can get out of it. But you already knew that, didn't you?"

The cold, unhumored expression came back over Riq IV's face. "You're wrong."

Morty was starting to fall asleep on his shoulder, but Rick was in too deep to leave now. "Oh yeah? How?"

"Rick, you've made it quite clear that you only see the Citadel as a farce and a cheap grab for power, but there are genuine Ricks here who want to work hard and contribute to the betterment of us all." Riq IV told him. "The Citadel's Commander-in-Chief wants nothing more than to make sure that peace and order are maintained, and that justice is dealt swiftly. The Ricks that brought you in are another example of loyalty and those who want to make a difference."

"I wouldn't bet on the loyalty part if I were you."

The Council leader wasn't interested in his statement and continued. "Think about it, Rick... we have the first of our kind, the most mathematically inclined, the most highly analytical, the voice of reason, the most business-savvy, and me, the most political of Ricks, all on the Council. We're in charge because of our specialities, but now we need the best of us to complete the set. Why do you think we all went through so much effort to save you and keep you alive?"

"Because I have a haircut that looks as ridiculous as the rest of the Council?" The scientist offered in jest before his expression turned serious. "For real though, fuck you for not letting me die. I didn't consent to suffering through liver-transplant surgery, and not being able to drink is hell. What's the point of living if you can't even enjoy a nice shot of straight whiskey or vodka? I-it's bullshit!"

Riq IV gave him a warning look that suggested he wasn't going to tolerate such commentary again. "It would have been a waste of time and resources to allow such a valuable asset such as yourself to slip away, and I should hope that you'd be grateful to have been bought more time. Other Ricks aren't granted half the opportunities that you will come to enjoy soon enough." He paused to take a calming breath. "I don't think you will ever realize just how important you are, but the intel you've already provided us with has been priceless and we could do with more of it."

"Oh, that lame old shit? I wrote it down because I was bored. It was also strategic – it gave me the perfect opportunity to sit down with my abductors and listen to them while they worked." Rick casually admitted, seeing no reason to lie. "Once they were distracted enough, I got into their personal shit, and boy... did it deliver. You're playing them, just like you're trying to play me now."

"It might look that way to you, but I assure you it's not the case." Riq IV tried to sound firm, but in reality, he knew he was starting to come off as desperate and weak. "The truth is, we need you, Rick B-526. I'm willing to do almost anything to secure you a position in the next stage of the Citadel's growth and development. Beyond providing more intel, your experiences would make you a great military consultant for our Commander-in-Chief, and your innovative nature would aid us in arming everyone here with custom weaponry, if need be."

"Yeah, I get that you need me, but guess what? So does Morty, and he's far more important than any of you dipshits." Rick slowly shook his head. "Sorry, but you're just not selling it to me. I guess it's cool to arm the other Ricks with knowledge and weapons for self-defense, but they're more than capable all on their own if they actually bothered to get off their asses. Necessity is the mother of invention."

"Well, why don't you tell them that yourself? If you don't like it, then change it. Isn't that what you do?" Riq IV turned to face him. "If we work together, our goals will benefit each other. What is it you want the most? A quiet place where you can work without fear of being harassed or hunted? Somewhere where your Morty can grow up free from danger and strife? A chance to fight back against the same Galactic Federation that took everything away from you?"

Rick's mouth set in a hard line; he knew Riq IV was openly preying on him now, but he was still interested enough to keep listening.

"You've already proven your worth as a leader many times over, Rick B-526. You know where the Federation's weak spots are for next time, and if you can guide two other hopeless idiots towards survival and success, then imagine what you could do for the entire Citadel."

"Hah, and we're back on that. Noooo thank you." Rick replied, drawing out the vowel for emphasis. "The two Ricks that captured me actually listened to my instructions when they needed to, but I sure as hell wouldn't call them successful. And you can hardly commend me for what I did... I didn't know there were two intergalactic dictatorships waging war on each other in that dimension until it was too late, but I had a hell of a lot of explosives to help me out."

"You would have found a way regardless of what tools you had at your disposal, I'm sure. The point is, you were quick on your feet, you correctly assessed the situation, and then you took charge and acted accordingly. If only all Ricks could do the same." The Council leader snorted in disgust. "Tell me... if you're so adamant about disappointing me and not joining the Citadel's ranks, then what would you do with yourself? Go back to the stupid, technologically challenged dirtball you seem to love so much, and that ragtag bunch of idiotic freedom fighters who couldn't organize their way out of a wet paper bag?"

"Geez. I really am predictable, aren't I?" Rick frowned, disappointed in himself. "I'd be lying if I said I hadn't considered it, but it's not a viable option while I have Morty to take care of. Where I'm going and what I'm gonna do is super complicated, and quite frankly, none of your fucking business."

Even though he was trying hard to maintain his composure, Riq IV was positively seething and he tightly clenched both hands into fists. "Damn you, Rick B-526... you are far too short-sighted and insular for your own good! Do you not realize how easily you could achieve all your goals? You already know that any of your attack strategies would be far superior to anything that your beloved freedom movement could ever come up with! Why bother going back when you know you could do whatever you wanted?"

The scientist had his full attention on the other now, and his expression was an even mix of confusion and suspicion. He was also more than curious to know what the councilman was about to suggest, but he also hated it; he was aware of how wide open and vulnerable he must have looked.

"I'm listening." He announced very deliberately and clearly. Although he was open to new ideas, he was also on guard and tense; he did not want to be taken advantage of.

Riq IV chose his next words carefully; he knew that if he said the wrong thing now, he risked losing everything he'd been working towards. "If you were to take up that gold badge and the mantle of responsibility that goes along with it, then you could turn everything in your favor. Imagine having the military might of the Citadel at your back, why... you could hand-pick the ones you wanted and train them to do anything. You could set them loose in your dimension and exact revenge on your iteration of the Federation without even being there."

The scientist took it in, but did not speak; his mind was going at a hundred miles an hour trying to understand why Riq IV would offer him so much power and could only conclude that it was a part of his manipulation tactics.

"Think about it, Rick... I mean, really, really think about it," the councilman was becoming excited. "We couldn't save your planet because the Citadel's militia isn't large enough to wage war on an intergalactic scale, but it's only a matter of time. Don't you want to be on the right side of that? You know how to get Ricks to like you. They'd respect you and do whatever you asked of them."

"Cut it out! I already told you that I don't wanna climb your dumb popularity ladder." Rick demanded, hating the other's stubbornness and persistence; the conversation felt like it was going in circles. "Besides, this sounds shady and way too good to be true. You're planning something underhanded, aren't you? Why can't you just shoot straight with me?"

"Your suspicious nature is not helping you right now." Riq IV looked offended. "Why does there have to be some hidden agenda behind my words? Why can't you just accept that you're the superior Rick, and that your personality traits set you apart from the rest?"

"Well... because if I was a scheming son of a bitch, and I am, then there's gotta be more to this than what you're telling me. There's gotta be a catch... there always is."

"Let me assure you, there isn't. Why can't you just accept that the Citadel needs you? Let's face it, Rick B-526, when you see something you don't like, you have to change it for the better because you can't help yourself. You've already liberated entire worlds, and you've been spending your time trying to help the other Ricks you've been around, haven't you?"

"Hey, fuck you!" Rick spat back defensively.

"Calm down," Riq IV raised a hand to silence him. "There's nothing wrong with it, and keeping your gold badge will allow you to continue fixing things on a much broader scale. I know how much you hate power and popularity, but they are necessary aspects of politics and they make the lesser Ricks pay attention. Once you look past those things and see the bigger picture, you'll understand that ultimately, this entire operation is about our survival. You seem to be able to do that better than any of us."

"I-I just got lucky, I guess." Rick shrugged, not having any other way to explain it. "It's not really something I can teach the others. All I can do is keep telling them not to give up."

"Nobody's stopping you. In fact, I'm encouraging it, and I'm offering you an elevated platform to keep doing it." Riq IV's expression suddenly turned dark. "We're on the verge of a revolution, Rick... do you honestly think I enjoy standing idly by while our interdimensional brethren are crushed, maimed, murdered, beaten, raped, tortured, and taken advantage of because of their intelligence? We were the ones who unlocked the infinite... we should be the superior force within it. This universe and every conceivable universe that exists should be ours. Ours to use, to control, to dominate, and ours to command. We have the power to go anywhere anytime we want, and nobody is able to stop us. Why shouldn't we use it to our advantage to salvage and empower our infinite selves?"

The scientist stood there, deeply frowning as he processed what he was hearing; although there was probably some element of truth in Riq IV wanting to protect the Ricks from all the other timelines, he was starting to sound like he had godlike aspirations. He also couldn't shake the nagging feeling that the words were just empty promises and hot air, and that he was using it all to his advantage.

Riq IV watched him closely and waited for a response, but when there wasn't one, he continued with his next line of thought. "Word got out before it was supposed to, but now that the Citadel is talking about the Rickest Rick, we're experiencing a mass immigration of them arriving on our doorstep in all states of ill health. It's a very real problem and I'm sure you saw it yourself when you arrived. It's time to put all our differences aside and uphold the promise of safety. We need all the Ricks we can get, but most importantly, we need you. We're going to need to work together if we have any hope of helping them. Us. All of us. What say you?"

Rick stayed silent; no matter how good he made it sound, Riq IV was downright untrustworthy and something felt deeply wrong about the whole thing. Then, a crazy idea came into his head like so many others he'd had before it – he could play the player. If the Citadel truly was a farce and a big setup for the Council to prey upon the lesser Ricks of the multiverse, then he could pick it apart much more easily from the inside.

Maybe, if he formulated enough of a plan, he might even be able to set some of them free.

"Well?" Riq IV gently pushed the question again. "You'd never have to worry about food or shelter ever again. You would always be comfortable and well-respected here, and your Morty would be able to grow up in the safest place imaginable. The Council protects their own."

"It's all well and good for you to make those claims, but," Rick spoke finally, his voice low and hesitant. "How do you expect me to deal with Morty AND all your Citadel-drama bullshit? No matter what happens, I can't abandon him or divide my attention elsewhere."

"You'd be able to set your own working terms, of course." Riq IV spoke immediately; he'd been anticipating this topic and already had a rehearsed answer waiting to go. "Gold ranks are their own bosses. They decide what to do when it suits them. You're smart, I'm sure you'd be able to figure out how to fit that Morty into your schedule. I DID tell you that you would be allowed to keep him... have you forgotten our original conversation so soon?"

"No." Rick grumpily returned. "So... I could hand-pick any Rick I wanted?"

"Yes," Riq IV answered just as quickly as before. "We regularly pick out the Ricks we like more than others. Ricktiminus Sancheziminius has his questionable business partners and practices on the side, but it never gets in the way of his capacity to lead, so we turn a blind eye to it. Rick Prime likes to entertain himself by inviting his personal guards in for drinking contests, while Quantum Rick loves giving paradoxes to the other mathematically inclined Ricks in his circle of influence. Hell, there's a Lab Rick I keep around just because he knows the perfect ratio of ingredients behind my favorite cocktails."

"I see nepotism is alive and well..." Rick grumbled, half to himself. "Fine, gimme C-711 and Q-316, for starters. They're not military and they don't know much about anything, but they work well together and I wanna keep them far away from you."

The arrogant smirk on the Council leader's face was huge; he'd been anticipating it all along. "Anything else?"

"Yeah," Rick didn't miss a beat, "I don't want those stupid guards following me around and babysitting me everywhere I go, so call 'em off. And I'm gonna need time out to rest up and recover... I'm stiff and sore and in pain, and that's WITH all the drugs and medication swirling about in my system. If you want me that badly, then you're gonna have to wait for it like everyone else, including me. I know it's not great, but I'm not happy about it eith-"

"It's fine by me." Riq IV curtly interjected. "Your caretakers left me with your paperwork, so we can formulate an appropriate plan for the kind of work you'll be doing until you are well enough to work at full capacity. I only request that you make an appearance for your gold-badge-induction ceremony, and that you attend a minimum of three sessions with the Citadel's therapist."

"Wait... what?" Rick's displeasure was instant; he could already predict where this was going, but asked anyway. "Why?"

Riq IV unhurriedly paced back over to his oval table and sifted through the paperwork that the doctor had left behind. "Your attending physician has previously suggested that you need treatment for your... suicidal thoughts and behavior." He went momentarily quiet as he read the notes, but they contained more of the same. "His recommendations have not changed. I will book an appointment at your earliest convenience."

"You gotta be kidding me... there's no way in hell I'm doing that!" Rick stubbornly declared. "I'm doing just fine and dandy, thank you very much!"

"There is no reason to hide or be so defensive about it. Being aware is the first step to being able to deal with the problem in an appropriate manner." Riq IV looked up at him and shrugged it off like it was nothing; it certainly wasn't a new topic for him. "And while I am sure that you would not be surprised to learn how high suicide rates are among the Ricks of the multiverse, I do not want you becoming a part of the statistic as well."

The look of disgust all over Rick's face was blatant, and Riq IV's words didn't do anything except ruin his mood further. "Do you think my 'attending physician' can learn how to fuck off? I'm gonna go crazy before too long if I can't drink!" And he felt like it was true; although he'd been properly sobered up and dry since his surgery ten days ago, his psychological dependency on alcohol was still very much there.

"Do you think I want to listen to your whining?" Riq IV matched his tone. "It will only be three hours of your time in total. You're capable of taking naps longer than that."

The scientist didn't offer any reply other than a loud growl of protest; he supposed if he stayed on at the Citadel, there really was no avoiding therapy without some kind of convoluted plan to make himself unavailable. Unfortunately for him, the noise startled Morty awake and he squeaked, going teary-eyed as he stared up at his grandfather. The gentle pats he received weren't going to soothe him this time; he did not appreciate the unexpected jolt to his system or waking up in yet another unfamiliar location. His next noise was a loud whimper; it was a warning that his mood was about to deteriorate.

"Attending therapy sessions will allow you to learn more appropriate coping strategies," Riq IV tried again. "Don't think you're the first Rick that has to forgo alcohol by any means. You will get used to it in time, just as the others have done. Only the weak-willed succumb to their vices."

Rick was insulted by the notion and bit down his rising anger only for Morty's sake; if he lost it now, he knew it would send the youngster into another crying fit. "I'm not doing your dumb therapy sessions," he practically snarled out the words, "and you can't stop me from drinking no matter how hard you try."

"Two one-hour sessions," the other firmly stated as if it wasn't negotiable, "and are you certain of that? Don't test my capacity to cut your supply off."

Rick couldn't glare at him any harder. "Bite my ass, you pointy-haired bastard!"

"Two half-hour sessions," Riq IV returned, his voice brimming with overconfidence, almost like he was bidding on an auction. "And I'll call the guards off so you can have your privacy and freedom back. They were assigned to you for your protection, but you have proven many times over how capable you are of defending yourself."

Furrowing his brow, the scientist made small frustrated sounds as if he carefully deliberated over everything in his head; he could half-ass his way through therapy if he was forced into it, and he could get his hands on alcohol again if he was really determined. Whether or not the Council leader could be trusted to keep his word on the guards was yet to be seen, but Rick also knew how desperate he was to make him stay.

Playing and outwitting such a wily version of himself was going to be very interesting indeed.

"One last thing," the other smoothly added. "If you want to retain your privacy, then don't go around bragging that you're the Rickest Rick. Your underlings spent a considerable amount of effort hiding you from the rest of the Citadel, and once they learn that you've returned, they'll treat you like a celebrity and never leave you alone."

"Phh, why would I brag about that? I have nothing to prove." After another moment of silence, Rick finally gave in and begrudgingly agreed. "Fine, I guess I'll do it... no guards?"

"No guards," Riq IV affirmed, and then as if to sweeten the deal, he added, "and I can have room service sent to your apartment so you never have to think about where your next meal is coming from."

"Sure," Rick shrugged back. "But it doesn't really bother m-"

The conversation was brought to an abrupt end by Morty's shrill crying. His mood had tipped over the edge at last - he was hungry and long overdue for a nap.

Wincing in pain, the Council leader placed his left hand on his temple and sharply pointed at the door with his right. "It's a good thing we're done... get that thing out of my sight!"

Rick narrowed his eyes and shot the man one last dirty look before opening the door and leaving, genuinely glad for the escape – he was more than done.


Outside, Surgeon Rick sat on the bench next to Riq IV's private-chamber door, while Ricktus nervously paced up and down the same stretch of corridor he'd traversed the last time he'd been forced to wait there. Ricktiminus Sancheziminius didn't do much except lean against the wall while tapping his foot, bored out of his mind, while Quantum Rick stared blankly into nothingness, his mind off in another galaxy.

"Soooo," Surgeon Rick decided to break the silence by voicing his curiosity. "Does this shit happen often?"

"Never." Ricktiminus Sancheziminius gruffly replied, insulted by the fact he had to wait outside with the lower-ranked Ricks. "But I can no longer hear them shouting at each other, which is a good start."

"Are they actually negotiating in there?" Surgeon Rick put his ear to the door, but he was unable to discern what was happening inside. "Do you think it's gonna be like a Battle Royale or a Thunderdome thing? Like, two Ricks enter, one Rick leaves?"

The surgeon's question dragged Ricktus back to reality and he stopped in his tracks. "I sincerely hope not... Rick B-526 is a well-seasoned veteran in combat and would be the better candidate under normal circumstances, but in his current state, his injuries would hinder him quite badly." He anxiously glanced at the door. "Should we intervene?"

Ricktiminus Sancheziminius couldn't decide which of the two was being more annoying, so he glared at both of them. "I do not believe that there is going to be a physical altercation. Riq IV is a politician - he prefers to fight and win his battles with words over violence."

"Even with his handicap, the asset would still be the best choice to bet on." Quantum Rick managed to say through his cloud of thoughts. "Statistically, he's been in more fights, but he is the clear winner because he has made better choices overall."

"He might be our best self, but he's not infallible!" Ricktus protested. "Need I remind you that he already died twice?" He took the gold badge out of his pocket and tried to hand it back to the councilman. "There's no way in hell he's going to take this. We need to go back in there before-"

The sentence was never finished. There was a sudden muffled, high-pitched cry, and then a loud wooden thump as the door to Riq IV's chambers was flung open. Rick suddenly walked out, stopped to snatch the gold pin out of the doctor's hands, and then stormed off down the corridor.

"What? W-what the..." He tried to get the words out, but Ricktus just stood there, stunned by what had just taken place. "...what was that?"

A very disgruntled Riq IV appeared in the doorway. "That... is the newest gold-ranked member of the Citadel, so you've just earned yourselves 2.1 million Council credits. He is also your new boss. I suggest you run along and find out what he wants from you."

"Oh god," the doctor's eyes widened and his heart sank into his gut. "He really IS going to make our lives hell..." He gave a short nod of understanding and turned away to follow the scientist's lead.

"Whoa, for real? You're not shitting me?" It was Surgeon Rick's turn to look dumbfounded. "That can't be right... he came back here to tell you off. That's messed up, dude!" He sprang off the bench and ran after his old charge. "Yo, come back and tell us what's going on, bro! Don't leave us hanging! What did he buy you off with?"

After they were gone, the Council leader spoke again. "Double the guards and have the asset watched... quietly." His voice was barely above a whisper, but his tone was still commanding and full of authority. "We are either about to forge our strongest ally or our biggest threat, and I can't tell which one it's going to be. That Rick has enough charisma and influential power that he could turn the whole Citadel against us if he turns rogue... do NOT let that happen."

The other two councilmen gave a short nod in understanding and went their separate ways; everything was going according to plan.