All right, so I know I said I'd probably not post an EPOV... Well, I decided to post this as it fits here perfectly. I wrote this last year for a fundraiser and didn't intend to post it here, but I wanted to surprise all of you. So, here's my gift to you for hanging in there and being so patient with me. Be gentle with Edward. He's a mess.

~AL~

Give it Up

April 1996

~ AL ~

"Hey, she keeps calling me and asking me questions about you. What do you want me to tell her? Or, better yet, why don't you call her yourself," said Peter exasperated with Bella's calling him all the time lately.

I sighed in frustration because this situation was messed up and it was my entire fault. "Don't tell her shit. Just … just don't answer her calls anymore," I answered.

He shrugged his shoulders exaggerating the gesture a bit more than he needed to. "Dude, whatever. It's your problem and better you than me."

I frowned, shaking my head at him. Fucker! He was being all smug; the only thing I could do lately was sit around and mope.

I fucked up. I knew I did but, honestly, it was bound to happen; maybe not the cheating part, but the desire to be sure that we were really it for each other. We both came out of other relationships directly to another serious relationship. I was always worried that because she was young, she'd regret settling down with me and want to live a little. She had been with Mike since she was in high school; what if she realized she didn't want to be tied down again so soon?

Then, there was my problem of needing to breathe a bit and make sure she was it for me. I thought I was in love before when I was married, but that didn't work out how I thought it would. It was devastating for me to have a failed marriage, to know that my ex-wife found someone she thought was better than me. She cheated and ended up leaving me for him.

I remembered getting ready to leave and file for divorce; she came home begging me to give her another chance. I did, but it only blew up in my face, as she decided to go with the home wrecker after all. I was left with egg on my face, like an idiot. I was so pissed because I hurt Bella in the process of that mess, as well.

But this one was all me. I hurt her and did to her exactly what my ex-wife did to me. Now, she'd moved on and, even though she'd been calling me every day and leaving me voicemails begging me to talk to her and cussing me out, I can't get myself to do it. I'm ashamed of myself and don't know what to say to her.

I'd been avoiding her at all costs. I even made sure that I didn't work at all when she was there for risk of running into her. I looked like shit … Peter said I was a mess and it wasn't any secret. People at work had noticed that Bella and I weren't talking, and we're not attached at the hip anymore. Their words, not mine.

Right after our trip to Vegas, I had bought us tickets to a Maná concert and, instead, I took the girl I met in Cabo. Fucked up, I knew it. She'd never forgive me now when she found out. That's also what she'd been calling Peter about. She wanted to know who I took to the concert and, honestly, I thought he told her who it was just to get her to let go once and for all.

I found out from Emmett and Jasper that Bella was dating Leah's brother. Nothing serious I heard but, nonetheless, she was moving on. That, more than anything hurt me. And, although she continued to call me, I knew she was spending her free time with another man. That burned me inside. It made me furious.

Of course, the guys had a ton of information from their girls, and they said Bella hadn't even introduced this guy to Matthew. I was relieved for some reason. God, I missed that little guy.

Peter's voice broke me from my thoughts. "Oh, and FYI, we're having a party on Saturday night here and I invited everyone. So, don't be surprised if she shows up."

"What? Why?" Jesus. Was he serious with this shit?

~AL~

Three days later, our house was packed with people. I began drinking before people started arriving, and was feeling quite good. Emmett and Jasper were walking toward me and I tensed. My back stiffened as I eyed behind them looking for the girls.

"Hey, man. What's up?" Emmett asked, giving me a manly smack on the back. Jasper just gave me his usual half shake and fist bump.

"Yo! What's up?" asked Jasper. I flicked my eyes to them and then back behind them, searching for the girls. I didn't want to get caught off guard.

Jasper cleared his throat. "You all right, man?"

I finally looked at him and said, "Yeah, I'm fine. Where are the girls?" My eyes wandered again.

Emmett laughed. "Seriously? You have to ask?" He shook his head. "They're at your mom's house, getting ready. You know how Alice has to make a huge production every time they go out."

Well, I guessed they'd be here later. I didn't want to ask if Bella was coming. They didn't mention her name so I decided not to either. But I really wanted to know.

"Yeah, believe me, I know," I snorted. "So, what do you want to drink?" I pointed over to the area behind me where Peter had a bar set up. "There's a bar over there and whatever you want to drink." I began walking over there, hoping they'd follow.

While I freshened up my beer, I saw Emmett go behind the bar, pull out the bottle of tequila, and pour shots. Fuck! I wasn't a good tequila drinker. I could go from zero to fucked up with one shot, especially with all the beer I'd been drinking.

I didn't know how many hours later or how many shots later, but when the hair on the back of my neck began to stand on end, I knew Bella had arrived. I could sense her; feel her in the same vicinity as me. I slowly turned around, scanning the room nonchalantly, hoping she wasn't looking at me. I honestly did not want to meet her eyes. I just wanted to get a look at her and ignore her existence. Yeah, I knew I was acting like a dick. I had done her wrong and I was the one pissed she was seeing someone else.

I extracted myself from the conversation I had been in with Peter and his girlfriend, Charlotte. My body turned of its own volition and, just like a moth to a flame, my eyes instantly found her. She was still near the front door, speaking intently with her head so close to Rosalie and Alice that they looked like conjoined triplets.

She was beautiful as usual, but even more so because it had been a while since I'd seen her. The navy blue pants she had on were so low on her hips and snug around her ass that I found myself groaning. It looked like she lost a bit of weight, actually losing some of her gorgeous curves. But, it didn't matter, she would always be stunning to me.

I had a feeling that she sensed me just as much as I sensed her, because she looked right at me. Our eyes locked for a split second before she turned back to the girls, her face flaming red. By the expression on her face, I knew it was from anger and not embarrassment. She had to have known I was going to be here; I mean, I lived here, for God's sake.

Since she had already seen me looking at her, I kept watching her, unabashedly. Watching the small, shimmering tank top sparkle every time she moved, I remembered what it was like touching the soft skin on her stomach. God! I automatically bit my knuckle while watching her plump ass. Even with the weight loss, her ass was juicy and perky.

I missed her more than she would ever know, and I regretted what I did more than anyone would ever know. If she ever gave me the chance, I'd spend the rest of my life making it up to her. But, I doubted that would ever happen, as I believed she had already moved on.

I watched as her discussion with the girls turned a bit heated. Her fists were tensing and her spine was rigid. She almost looked like she was going to stomp her foot; instead, she turned on her heel and walked out the front door.

My feet moved without my permission, taking me right out the front door after her. I spotted her right away, sitting on the block wall that bordered the house. I saw a red and orange ember burning and I wondered when she had started smoking. I just watched her for a few moments before I ruined her peace.

I walked the few paces left to get to her, her head snapping up. She threw the cigarette on the ground and stepped on it, twisting the ball of her foot back and forth a few times. "When did you start smoking?" I asked casually, although I was a mess on the inside.

She lifted her chin defiantly, her eyes squinted. She was pissed; more than pissed. "What the fuck do you care?" She stood up and pushed past me. Without thinking, I grabbed her wrist, pulling her back to face me. She tried to jerk her arm from me but I was holding on tightly.

"Get your fucking hands off me!" she growled. I had her left wrist in my left hand so she wasn't directly in front of me, but she was turned enough that I could see her face. "I said, let go!" she yelled, with a swift kick to my shin.

I could see the fury building in her eyes and her body. Her fists balled up and she was preparing herself for a fight. I laughed and that only made her angrier. Acting calm and cool, I sipped my beer and then felt a hard blow to the left side of my face. The cup fell out of my hand and, instinctively, I let go of her to reach for my face. "Fuck!" I charged at her.

She took a step back like she was retreating but then braced herself for a fight. I grabbed her by the biceps and shook her. "So, I hear you're dating someone!" I sneered.

"Are you fucking kidding me, Edward? I mean, seriously! You! You, of all people, have no right to ask me anything about my love life at all!" she yelled, trying to pull out of my grasp. I wasn't ready to let her go - ever. "I need to go! I shouldn't have come! Just let go, please, I need to go!" She was shaking her head back and forth as tears rolled down her face. Her lips were quivering. She lowered her head and whispered, "Please, let me go. You've done enough."

I remained confused and unmoving. Her pleas were hitting me directly in the heart, but I wanted to be near her. I wasn't sure I could let her go again. "Did you find someone better than me? Is that what you wanted? Someone with more money … a better car?" I taunted.

When her head snapped back up, I saw the fire in her eyes again. Struggling to get away, I held tighter and failed to see her knee traveling up to my balls. I bent over and wrapped one arm around my waist while the other cupped my poor dick. I couldn't breathe and a sharp pain ran right through my groin. "You fucking bitch!" I yelled.

She was walking away. "Fuck you, too, cheating asshole!" Then, she was gone.

I was an asshole. Instead of just trying to have a normal conversation with her, I had to start shit. I was just so angry and thought if I blamed it all on her, I'd feel better. The truth was that nothing could erase the guilt and anger I felt at myself. Sitting where she was when I first spotted her, I held my head in my hands.

I needed to get her back, but I had to do it the right way. I was going to give her time to date and have some time without me, while to fixed myself first. Because, when I did get her back, I wanted it to be the best version of myself, and for forever. She deserved the best and I wasn't quite ready yet, not to mention the fact that I doubted she'd even forgive me anytime soon.

I'd place myself back into her life little by little; maybe work a shift a week with her and gradually build up, so she'd get used to seeing me around. I'd have to prove to her my sincerity and genuineness in my desire to be with her for always.

~ AL ~

Okay, so these are Edward's thoughts in the state of dismay that he's in. They are neither his real excuses for cheating or anything he'd ever say to Bella. He's talking out of his ass. He's drunk and still confused about what he did. Just saying.

I want everyone to know, I don't take reviews that beat up my characters as an attack against me. I understand that characters can incite strong feelings and that for me is a good thing. Whether you hate them or love them, my job is to make you feel. My point ... Don't feel the need to leave a Guest review to tell me you hate Edward. I won't cuss you out or send you hate mail. I'll thank you for your honest opinion and thank you for reading as much as you did. I hate Guest reviews for the fact that I can't tell you that. And if you feel the need to stop reading, then, truly, thanks for making it this far. I knew many wouldn't make it because of the premise. That's all. ;)

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