Warning Character deaths.
Seven months later…
Rick made a sound that sounded like a strangled cry that stuck in his throat. He watched as Kate was moved from her regular room to an ICU room. His hand went immediately to cover his mouth to quiet his cry because he knew this was where she would be until the end came. He thought back to the previous month right after she delivered their daughter.
"Kate she is so beautiful. You've done a wonderful job!" Rick praised her after their daughter was brought into the world.
"Babe, you need to get Dr. Khatri in here for me. I'm not feeling my best right now."
"You just brought our daughter into the world. You're entitled to be a little exhausted," Rick told her.
"It's more than me being exhausted. The pain is everywhere - and something doesn't feel right. Get him please."
Rick rushed out of the delivery room and frantically searched for his wife's doctor. The first person he literally ran into was his older daughter.
"Alexis, have you seen Dr. Khatri anywhere?" He asked as he tried to stop her from falling.
"No Dad, why? What's wrong with Mom? Did she have the baby yet?" Alexis asked hopefully.
"Honey, what I need you to do right now is just take care of Reese and Jake for me for a little bit. I'll talk to you later once I find your mother's doctor. And she did have the baby - Lily is her name."
Alexis just watched as her father ran down the hall trying to find Dr. Khatri.
He finally found the doctor two floors down, in a consult with a patient, so he had to wait an additional five minutes before he could ask him to come up and see Kate. Seeing Rick, Dr. Khatri tried to wrap up his consult quickly, because what he saw on Rick's face was pure fear. He'd known that Kate would have a difficult pregnancy, but aside from giving her medication now, there's not much more he can do.
Xx
Dr. Khatri walked into Kate's room in the ICU and immediately took her hand in his. What he felt was cold. Her blood was not circulating the way it should within her body. He took her pulse and heart rate and observed her breathing. The OB was just finishing cleaning Kate up after she'd given birth. She obviously felt run down; the ordeal definitely took a toll on her body. When she opened her eyes and looked directly at him he felt bad for her. He saw the look in her eye - he has seen it many times before in people who know that their time in this world is short.
"What can I do for you, Kate?" Dr. Khatri asked.
"Ever since the epidural wore off, the pain is immense. It's like it's all over my body. My stomach, my back and even my head hurts. Is there anything you can do to ease the pain?"
"Kate, morphine will ease the pain you are now experiencing. But from my experience it won't last long. If you can stand it I'd like to wait until you have reached the threshold of your pain limit. This will ease what you are feeling when the time comes. Nothing will stop the progression of the disease. Even without doing a complete body scan I can tell you that it has progressed from your lungs to your kidney, liver, and stomach. But if you're serious about wanting to know how far it's spread we can set up a test to tell you exactly that," he added as a last resort.
He just looked at her, and she shook her head "no", knowing that it was futile to order any more tests.
Rick, who knew this was inevitable, asked Dr. Khatri if Kate could be made comfortable. The doctor agreed and ordered a morphine drip to ease her pain in direct defiance of her DNR. He ordered it - but didn't order the full dosage. He wanted her to be coherent but comfortable so he cut the dose in half.
Looking across her bed, Dr. Khatri nods to Rick, hoping he'd understand that he wanted to speak with him outside Kate's room in private. Rick got the message; he was outside in the hallway before the doctor could even think about moving out to meet him. When he finally met Rick out in the hallway he needed to tell him a couple of things that would most likely break him.
He put his hand on Rick's shoulder hoping to soften the blow a little.
"Rick, the next few weeks are going to be downright terrible. It will be terrible for both of you, but more for you than for her, I'm afraid. She will start to have shortness of breath. And eventually, once the cancer makes its last push, it will essentially have taken over her whole body. Her immune system will break down, and slowly, one by one, each of her organs will stop working."
"This will be hard for you to watch. I know that you want to be there for her, but she'll be in a lot of pain and you'll wish she had a quick end to that pain. Just for tonight why don't you go home to Alexis, Jake, Reese, and Lily. Be with them. Spend time with them, Rick, because the coming days will be hell on you."
"What can we expect to happen now?" Rick asked.
"By now her body has been compromised from having the baby. She already had a compromised immune system before she delivered Lily and now the cancer will only move faster through her body. In short, it will start to attack every untouched living organ. Her lungs will fill with water; her kidneys will stop working, and that will be the beginning of the end. Once her kidneys stop filtering all the contaminated urine it will be absorbed back into her bloodstream, which will cause her to go into septic shock. With the inability to breath correctly she will be trying to gasp for air that she can't pull into her lungs," Dr. Khatri said sadly.
"Thank you for telling me all this, Doctor."
Xx
Thinking back to that conversation, Rick wondered if she really knew what she was giving to their family. His bet was that she probably did. She gave the ultimate gift of life. She had given her life for her daughter's life. He had taken the night to be with his family three weeks ago, and it felt like a lifetime ago. He'd been practically living at the hospital, never leaving her room. He felt bad because Alexis has been taking care of Lily since the day he brought her back to the loft two weeks ago. But as he looked at Kate lying in her bed, he wondered if there was anything else they could do to make her a little more comfortable. Then another thought entered his head: why wouldn't Kate try to at least see Lily before she had become incapacitated? He decided to talk to her doctor about it.
Just as he finished that thought, he saw her eyes open and begin frantically searching for him. He knew that with all certainty she would never be able to see him again; even though her eyes had turned in his direction, she had never really seen him. He also knew that she had a DNR order in place because she didn't want life-saving measures to be spent on her when it was no longer possible to save her life. For her, it came down to the quality of life, which she would never have again. They had argued about it but in the end, he could see her reasoning. Why prolong something when the quality of your life is not what you want it to be? Even though she did have a DNR in place, Rick asked for her to have morphine to make her a little bit more comfortable in the end, and her doctor agreed.
"Rick, are you there?" Kate called out now.
It was eating him up on the inside, knowing that he was going to lose her any day now. She'd lost the ability to see two days ago and all they had to communicate with now was their voices and his touch.
"Kate, I'm right here. I'm not going anywhere."
"The pain is excruciating even with the morphine."
"I know, baby, I know. The doctors are doing everything they can for you. I am so sorry."
Rick listened as she tried to breathe in, not achieving a full breath. He could tell that she is not getting the air into her lungs like she used to. Then she started to cough.
"Kate, take it easy - slow, shallow breaths, okay?"
"No matter what I do it will be useless," she gasped. "And with the DNR I can't ask to be intubated. Not that I want to be - but I don't want to be a total invalid when the time comes."
Rick knew that the end was coming soon but he would hold off what he wanted to say until later.
"Honey, you know that you can always rescind the DNR, don't you?" Rick suggested.
"Why? Why would I do something that wouldn't give me a desired result? Listen, I know that I made my choice; actually, we made the choice, but it's a good choice, babe. We've had the last 17 years together and there is nothing I would change. Now do me a favor and go get the children and bring them back for one last visit."
"All right, Kate. I'll be back as quick as I can," Rick said, giving her a solemn look as he left her room.
When he left the room it felt to him like she knew something and she didn't want to share it with him.
He picked up the kids in record time. They were all piled in the SUV when his phone rang. Activating the answer button in the Mercedes SUV, he said, "Hello."
"Mr. Castle, this is Nurse Garnett. You need to return back to the hospital as soon as you possibly can. Your wife had a stroke and crashed twice on her hospital bed. We were about to resuscitate her but her doctor advised us that she has a DNR. It would be in your best interest to get here as quick as you can. I'm not too sure how long she will last," the nurse said.
Rick was always a careful driver, but now he floored it. He'd been halfway to the hospital when he got the call, and it only took him an additional 4 minutes to get the rest of the trip done. He got Alexis, Jake, and Reese out of the car and told Alexis where to take the boys inside the hospital. While they left, Rick circled round to remove Lily from the car seat base. Soon he was following all of his children to the elevator.
What he saw when he entered the room was nothing like when he left. The medical personnel had not done anything to resuscitate Kate. The DNR took care of that. It was her sheer will to stay alive that he admired about her because this was exactly what she was doing. She looked grave, and a moment after Alexis looked at Kate, she looked back to her father with tears in her eyes. She knew as well as he did that the end was closer than they all thought.
Even with the stroke affecting the right side of her body, Kate was still able to keep both eyes open and comprehend what was being said around her. She weakly raised her arm and hand to welcome her sons to her side. They stepped into her touch without hesitation.
"Jake, Reese, I need you to listen to your father from now on. Try not to give him any problems. Respect each other and your sister because you're all each other has in life."
"Mom, why is this happening to you?" Jake asked, wanting to understand.
"Sweetie, what is happening to me now really started a long time ago. Do you remember when daddy told you about the twin towers and when they fell?"
"I do."
"Well, I worked the area right after they fell, and without knowing it, I became sick way back then. It just took this long to take its toll."
"Mom, does it hurt?"
"Not in the least. And do you know why?"
"No," Reese answered.
"Because I have all of you here to make me feel loved. So, there is no hurt in my heart."
Alexis came forward and took her mother's hand into hers.
"Alexis, my beautiful girl."
"Mom, how are you really?" Alexis asked.
"Baby, you know that I have never lied to you. I always told you the truth. I'm fine. I've known you most of your life. I need you to do something for me, okay?"
"I will. What is it?"
"Make sure your father lives his life to the fullest. That goes for you too. Embrace life. Live long to remember me. I will always love you like you were my own child, Alexis."
Kate released her hand and Alexis wiped the tears that wouldn't stop flowing.
"Kate, you need to rest. Here, let me readjust your pillow so you are more comfortable."
Just as Rick moved to do just that, Kate reached for his hand and stopped him, and he slipped her hand into his.
"Babe, we've had a great run. I'd never trade anything for it. Watch out for them," she added, nodding to the children. "They are our future. I love you, Rick."
"I love you too, Kate."
Her hand fell limply to the bed and he instantly looked up at her eyes, saw that they were closed, and heard the heart monitor sound a steady tone and show a straight line.
Xx
Detective Katherine Houghton Beckett was laid to rest with full NYPD honors two days later. She was posthumously awarded the rank of Lieutenant and the benefits that accompanied that promotion.
Monday, June 12th, 2023
Richard Castle joined his wife six years later, almost to the day he lost his wife. He was diagnosed with what Kate had and more. His initial diagnosis was colon cancer and even treated, it spread from there. Knowing the pain that she endured, he had his doctor alter the pump that delivered the pain-relieving morphine to him. For all practical purposes, Dr. Amin Khatri would be blameless in what Rick ultimately did to end his life. He made sure of it.
Xx
Alexis closed the book she had been keeping over the last twenty-eight years since 9/11 when a warm hand caressed her shoulder.
"Baby, come to bed; it's really late," said a voice.
"I will. Just let me put this away," she replied.
Tyler watched as his wife of four years as she moved slowly toward the hutch where she kept every one of her father's novels. Her body betrayed her, stopping her from doing the simplest tasks. The doctors said that they might have a treatment for her, but Tyler wasn't holding his breath…
The last chapter will be posted on the 17th anniversary of 9/11. I will also post an A/N with a small description of what I went through on that day. Thank you so much for reading this and always remember those we lost on 9/11/01.
P2P
