Prompt 2-Complicated
She felt her nose twitch and she kicked herself for not being a better liar.
She pulled back as though she'd been burned. Chat's hands still gripped her back and she pushed his chest firmly, shaking her head in horror. She stumbled back and the sudden distance felt immeasurable.
"No."
His shoulders drooped and his expression twisted into something so heartbreakingly forlorn that she wanted to hold him again. But she couldn't.
"I'm sorry." She whispered. "But… This… We can't…"
It had been an accident really, initially anyway, his lips were soft and gentle and his scent so alluring that she couldn't resist. But the cold wind bought her to her senses and she stared at the ground, refusing to meet his eyes.
"Why?" He asked, voice quiet.
"I don't…" Her voice trailed off. "You know why." It wasn't that she didn't have feelings for Chat. In fact she did have feelings for him. They'd developed over the past few years and admittedly, they'd snuck up on her and she didn't realize the extent of her affections until his flirting suddenly meant something different. It had been like a slap in the face; Hawkmoth would definitely use their relationship to his advantage if he found out. Attacks were becoming more frequent, more dangerous. They'd been unable to save everyone in the last attack. People had died. She wouldn't let him be a tool for Hawkmoth to use to get to her. No. They couldn't be together.
She'd told him she didn't have feelings for him months ago and he'd accepted it. But the lines between banter and flirting and friendship and something more blurred more and more with each minute they spent together. Chat knew she was lying about her feelings, her nose always twitched when she lied.
"I don't know why." He reached for her hands and she flinched at the contact, after a moment his arms came to rest at his sides.
She lifted her chin. "I can't have feelings for you." The pain in her eyes was clear but she was proud that her voice didn't waver. If she made things clear now, they wouldn't have to revisit this topic again.
He stepped closer. "You can't? Or you don't?"
Danger! Danger! The voice rang through her head like his bell. He'd asked exactly the right question and he was getting too close to the truth.
"I don't." She corrected herself, his eyes narrowed when her nose twitched.
"You don't?" Another step closer, his eyes glinted with something she couldn't place and her heart hammered in her chest.
"No?" It sounded like a question.
"You're telling me that you don't have any feelings for me?" He took another step, desperate to put distance between them, she stepped back, away from him.
"I don't have any feelings for you." She affirmed, stepping back. Twitch. He matched his steps to hers and she felt like a deer caught in headlights. He was stalking his prey. Her back touched the wall and she was trapped. The space between them vanished.
"You said you loved me." He accused, eyes narrow.
Her mouth popped open. "As a friend Chat." She pressed back into the wall, begging it to open and swallow her whole. Anything to escape his accusatory stare. She felt her nose twitch and she kicked herself for not being a better liar. But maybe he didn't know her tell?
"I can hear your heart racing." Of course he knew.
She couldn't deny it.
"Why?" His gaze shifted into something softer, more pleading.
She looked away. "I just can't."
"Is it him?" He spat.
She felt a thrill of panic. "Who?"
"The civilian."
"I…" She hung her head. "I'm just confused."
He stepped away, the temperature in the alley dropped.
"Confused?"
"I don't want to have feelings for you!" She yelled.
He took another step back.
"I don't want to have feelings for you because it's dangerous!" Her thoughts exploded into words and ripped from her throat, he flinched but he didn't say anything. "What if Hawkmoth found out? We'd be in infinitely more danger. What if one of us," Dies? She refuses to say it. "Gets hurt? What if you don't like me in real life?" He was stunned into silence but she wasn't finished. " What if you leave…" Her voice cracked, and unable to say any more the pair descended into silence save for her heavy breathing.
He could only stare; panic replaced her agitation and her eyes filled with tears.
"Ladybug…"
"I'm so confused and..." I'm scared. The unspoken words hung in the air.
"I wouldn't." She looked up; he scratched the back of his head, looking away from her. "I wouldn't leave you."
"You don't know that."
"I do." His confidence astounded her.
"I'm so sorry." She whispered, horrified. The late night patrols and stress of her final school year, the divorce of her parents, coupled with the possibility of not finding an internship and her feelings for Chat suddenly came crashing down on her. It was too much. Her tears spilled over and she crouched on the ground in shame. Why did she do that?
"Hey, hey, hey." His voice is soothing and gentle hands are tugging at her wrists, pulling them away from her eyes. He was closer than she'd thought.
"Ladybug-"
"I'm so sorry."
"No, I- I shouldn't have pushed. Don't cry please. Please." His voice broke in anguish. "Just...I… I'm always here for you."
She let him hold her as she cried.
-_- I honestly have no idea WHY I continue to do this to myself. Seriously. Please review because I really love them. They're very encouraging.
