26: Do I sound like I've been crying?

Jennifer slid her key into the lock with an arm that felt like lead. She had long slipped off her heels, the damned things dangling from her fingers, scuffed and dirty from the adventures of the evening. Her nose was stuffy, and she sniffled as she pushed the door open, her eyes itchy and red. She slipped inside quietly, setting her shoes down and hanging her keys on the key hook before locking the door behind her. With a tired sigh, she leaned her head against the white, wooden door. It was cool and soothing against her flushed skin. A soft "fuck" rushed past her lips as she ground her head into the grain of the wood.

"Well, how did it go?" Val's eager voice made Jennifer jump, her breath catching violently in her throat. She pressed a hand to her chest and turned to the source of the noise. When she saw it was Val, her expression morphed into one of disbelief and disgust.

"What the fuck are you still doing here?" she asked, her voice cracking and pained. Jennifer's unusually harsh tone made Val recoil quickly, the smile falling from her face. The light was dim in the entryway, but Val could see the tear tracks Jennifer was trying to hide shine on her cheeks. Val's shoulders fell, and she furrowed her brow with the realization that the night had not ended well for Jennifer. Jennifer could see her staring and quickly wiped the tears away, suddenly self-conscious. "Can you just leave?" she asked, turning away, exhausted and frustrated as she rubbed fingers across her aching temple.

"Let me help," she offered. Jennifer didn't look at her, but she did sniffle.

"Just get out of my apartment," she told her numbly.

"Jennifer, come on," Val sighed, deflating because Jennifer needed her right now whether she knew it or not.

"Look, I don't want you here. I don't want any more of your shitty advice. And I certainly don't want your pity," she growled weakly, her eyes finally meeting Val's. She was crying.

"What happened?" Val asked gently, ignoring everything her friend had just said. Jennifer just scoffed and shook her head, brushing past Val more harshly than Val expected. She walked into her kitchen and opened her fridge, the blinding white light illuminating the eyeliner that was staining her cheeks. It was the kind of smearing that came with harsh, breathless crying, and it broke Val's heart. She came back with a beer and dug a bottle opener from the drawer to her right. "Jen, come on, I'm sorry," Val told her as she leaned against the wall just outside the kitchen, partially hidden by the shadows in the dark apartment. The glow of the TV in the living room was their only source of light, and Jennifer didn't bother to turn anything else on.

"Go fuck yourself," she told her before tipping the bottle to her lips. Val sighed, letting her head loll to the side, her arms folded over her chest.

"Look, you knew rejection was a possibility long before I said anything."

"Which is why I never made a move before you decided to come in and fuck everything up!"

"Hey! You know what, despite everything, I'm proud of you. It takes a hell of a lot of guts to do what you did," Val protested honestly. Then she blinked and sighed, frustrated as she continued to lean against the wall. "Jennifer, I know you get scared. I know it's hard for you to put yourself out there like that, but you just have to, okay? It hurts, but it's better than having to suffer in silence for the rest of your damn life. Besides, it makes it easier to move on, you know?"

"That's rich coming from the woman who bottles more than Evian," she laughed derisively, taking another swig of her beer, her eyes wet and her nose red. Jennifer knew it was supposed to be a motivational speech, but it just seemed hypocritical to her.

"It worked with you," Val supplied casually, but Jennifer knew that the admission was difficult for her. More than anything, Val hated being vulnerable, and that meant that what she'd said was really fucking important to her. Jennifer quieted for a moment, lowering the bottle from her lips.

"That was different," she said softly.

"No it wasn't," Val shook her head, just as soft. "I mean it took a while, but I know that you're right. We're much better friends than we ever were girlfriends." They smiled at each other a little bit. "Look I don't mean to give you false hope but~"

"That but is why I told you to go fuck yourself," Jennifer warned with a stuffy nose, her tone softening.

"I'm just telling you that I know what I saw between you two. I don't know what happened tonight, but I'm positive that you can fix it. Regina cares about you too much for this to ruin your relationship. She's just scared," Val tried to reassure her from a room apart. Jennifer wiped her eyes quickly and sniffed before wrapping her hands around the beer bottle.

"I don't want to just be Regina's friend, though. Not after tonight," Jennifer explained. Val sighed sympathetically and pushed herself off the wall and walked to the counter that separated the kitchen from the living room.

"What did she do when you told her?"

"Well, I didn't exactly tell her. It was more like I showed her," Jennifer explained. Val's mouth fell open.

"Wait, you kissed her?" she yelped, her jaw dropping. "Christ, Jen, what happened? Did she kiss you back?" Jennifer smiled wistfully and glanced down at her beer, but there was a certain melancholy behind her eyes that Val didn't miss.

"She kissed me," she confirmed with a distant nod. "She...I mean, fuck, she kissed me," Jennifer bit her lip, containing a smile. Val smiled back, but it faded as quick as Jennifer's. She shook her head, looking down. "But then she told me that this was a mistake. That she doesn't feel that way about me. And then she left," Jennifer shrugged and swallowed.

"She left?" Val asked. Jennifer nodded, tears springing to her eyes. She was holding them back, her throat tight and burning. But she couldn't stop the sob that rolled through her shoulders. She gasped and pressed a hand to her mouth. She didn't want to lose it in front of Val, but there were tears running down her cheeks. She groaned, setting down her beer and pressing her hands over her face, her breath hitching and her shoulders shaking.

"God damn it," she drawled, keeping her hands there for a long moment as she collected herself before wiping the tears away and sniffling. "I hate myself."

"No, you don't."

"I hate you."

"That's fair," Val shrugged. Jennifer gasped out a laugh as more tears spilled from her eyes, her shoulders shaking. She was still sort of laughing, but mostly crying, and Val finally stepped forward, offering a hug. Jennifer just slipped quietly into her arms.

"I definitely hate myself," Jennifer cried into her shirt, her shoulders shaking, breath hitching painfully.

"No, you don't," Val tried to tell her even though she knew Jennifer wasn't listening.

"I feel like a piece of shit," Jennifer cried, her arms loosely around Val who was holding her tight.

"I know," she just sighed, rubbing her back soothingly.

. . .

Jennifer's phone buzzed on the coffee table, and the two women stared at it over their blankets, the glow of the TV the only thing illuminating their curious expressions. Jennifer was curled up on the end of the couch, but she leaned over to check the caller ID. It's not like they were actually watching whatever crime drama was on. It was just to keep the silence from getting too loud. "It's Emma," Jennifer said, glancing at Val.

"You gonna answer it?" Val raised an eyebrow over the low, blue light of her phone.

"Do I sound like I've been crying?"

"A little, yeah," Val admitted. Jennifer sniffed and sat up and answered it anyway.

"Hello?"

"Hey, Jennifer it's Henry!"

"Henry?" Jennifer asked. "Isn't it a little past your bedtime?"

"It's only like 10:30. Plus I was doing stuff with Neal," Henry said. Jennifer hummed. Right, Neal. She'd almost forgotten about the watch stealing bastard.

"And did you have fun?"

"Yeah, he's pretty cool, but I was wondering if you wanted to have breakfast tomorrow."

"Just me and you?" she asked with a furrowed brow.

"Yeah, Neal told me about this really good breakfast place. I was thinking we could try it out."

"You don't wanna have breakfast with Neal?"

"He's coming back to Storybrooke with us. You're not. So what d'ya say? Please?"

. . .

Val stayed the night at her apartment. Not because Jennifer asked her to or needed her to or anything. Plus she made her breakfast in the morning. Well, she put a piece of bread in the toaster and brewed a pot of coffee, but that was good enough for Jennifer. "I better get going," Val smiled as they sat in the kitchen. She was wearing some of the clothes she stashed at Jennifer's for emergencies.

"Work?"

"I have to meet a client in 40 minutes," she admitted as she stood up to leave. Before she walked to the door she sighed sympathetically, hesitant to actually go.

"I'm fine," Jennifer shrugged, her hair in a messy bun, the same makeup from yesterday still on her cheeks as she cradled a mug of steaming coffee like it was a baby.

"You're not fine," Val shook her head.

"I'll be fine," Jennifer corrected. "Now go," she shooed. Val sighed.

"Call me later. We'll go get drunk," she smirked. Jennifer rolled her eyes.

"Getting blackout drunk is not a healthy coping mechanism," she drawled, the doctor in her coming out.

"And you wonder why I don't take you to my bar," Val smiled before blowing her a kiss goodbye.

. . .

Henry told her to meet her at Penelope that morning. It was a restaurant she'd been to once or twice before and was definitely worth going to again. When one of the hostesses asked her what the party name was she said Henry and was led to a table. Henry told her to say that. He said Neal was dropping him off and that he'd probably be there before her.

However, when she got close enough she realized that the table she was being led to did not contain Henry at all. Sitting there, just as surprised as she was, was Emma Swan.