A/N: This chapter is M-ish, too.

The next two days continued in a blur and the lovers perfected lazing to an art form. They ate good food, made love, slept, made love, talked, made love, bathed, made love, swam, made love, watched the sun rise, made love, watched the sun set, made love, listened to music, made love, watched tv, made love, then made love some more. They couldn't get enough of each other and had yet to leave the room. Oh, it wasn't always about driving toward the big release. Sometimes it was about the closeness, the intimacy. Speaking to each other without words, in a way that neither had ever spoken to anyone else.

True to his word, John selected and ordered clothing for them for the week one afternoon as Joss napped. Joss seemed to love hers – John had great taste after all, but the clothing was useless as they spent their time either totally naked or naked under the Revel's robes.

Poor Geoffrey and the maids had caught them in flagrante delicto so many times. But he was respectful and professional – tip toeing out of the penthouse once he saw what John and Joss were up to. It was their own damn fault – never leaving the penthouse made it more difficult for the staff to do their jobs. Staff were fond of "The Warrens", nonetheless. The attractive couple always a smile for them, a good morning or good afternoon. Pleases and thank yous. Not being treated like hotel furniture was a wonderful change and they rewarded the Warrens' kindness with excellent service of the kind not extended to previous guests. Extra chocolates, special late-night desserts, extra hotel toiletries, suggestions on things to see and do.

John and Joss had made love on every surface inside the penthouse and outside the penthouse on the terrace. (Joss asked the maids to disinfect the kitchen island and prayed they wouldn't figure out why – but they did.) Tonight, they had made love on the terrace chaise. It began to rain, a drizzle at first, then a more persistent thunderstorm. They were drenched once they finally came indoors, but they resumed on the rug in front of the fireplace which they lit. When they finally finished, they quickly showered, put on robes and were drinking wine in the living area on the couch.

Joss asked John to play the penthouse's baby grand piano for her that night. He reluctantly agreed – it had after all been years and years since he had touched a keyboard.

John sat on the piano stool and stared at the keys for what seemed like an eternity. Finally, he started to play. The melody was slow and haunting, beautiful in its simplicity. Joss thought she recognized it as Liszt, but she wasn't sure. Midway through the dramatic part that had built to a crescendo, John stopped playing, dropped his head into his hands and began to cry. Joss rushed over to him, taking him into her arms, whispering to him, trying to comfort him but at the same time encouraging him to "let it all out".

When his sobbing stopped, she took John's hand and led him to the couch. She got him to stretch out comfortably and rest his head in her lap. She stroked his hair, his shoulders, in silence. At last, he spoke.

"I hate it Joss. They took everything from me, my life, the things I loved, enjoyed doing. Subverted almost anything that was good about me, every skill, every talent. They asked me to do things, made me do things…things that still give me nightmares and cause me to have to hide who and what I have become from the person I love. I'm nothing but a killer. I try to do better, be better, Joss, I do, I will, for you."

Joss remembered some of these or similar words during one of their breakups. She decided to fight this one last time for the man she loved.

"What things, John? What things did you do – were you forced to do?"

"I can't Joss, I can't tell you. You will hate me – I'll lose you."

"You won't lose me – trust me. Tell me, John." She prayed he would choose to free himself.

After a few moments, he began to speak. He told her about when the CIA first recruited him, trained him, then assigned him that nut job Kara as a partner, working for Mark Snow. He explained how he became John Reese. He talked about missions in Europe, Africa, Afghanistan, China, and other parts of the globe. Wet work. He paused at the really bloody parts and searched Joss's eyes for traces of fear and repulsion. Finding none, he resumed. After about an hour, he ended his litany.

"If you want to leave now, I'll understand", he whispered without tears as he had no more to shed. His heart leapt into his throat as he waited to hear the words that would end him.

Joss paused. "You were a soldier John, following orders, and not following orders when you could, when your judgement led you not to. I love you John, you, the little boy who 'manned up' so as not to worry his mother when his Dad died, when he himself needed comfort and care. The you that I saw when you sat in front of me the night we met. The you that risks his life to save others. The you that risked your life to save my son, the you that saved my life so many times, John." Joss took a deep breath. "And besides", she continued, "if I didn't leave your ass over that bitch Zoe, do you really think I would leave you over your service, misguided though it might have been at times due to no fault of your own?"

She smiled sweetly, leaned over and hugged him close. She was still talking to him, he saw her lips moving, but he couldn't hear her. Something was happening to him, had happened. He felt, lighter, somehow. Hopeful - like he felt when he first met Joss. And free…open, and dare he say it…truly loved. Loved by the one person in the world who mattered to him above all others. The feeling was wonderfully indescribable…

John rolled to his back, reached up and touched Joss's face tenderly. "Thank you…thank you so much. You saved me Joss. Saved me from myself and an empty life. You won't regret for 1 more second loving me and having faith in me, Joss. You have my word."

John got to his feet and held out his hand to the woman he loved. She took it and the two walked slowly to the bedroom to begin a new leg of their journey together.

A/N: Well! This story of John's and Joss's tale is complete. Looks like John is truly on the road to healing himself. But does Joss trust him? You should read or re-read Not Just Another Day. I am tweaking the first chapter and will re-post to account for some of the happenings in The Beginning of What? I will then continue this story to the remainder of their stay at The Revel. I hope you enjoyed this story. As always, thanks for the reviews and PMs. They are ALWAYS welcome.