"So what do you do?" Beast Boy asked Xander. "Besides kill supervillains I mean," he added tactlessly, wincing when he realized what he'd said.
Xander laughed. "Don't worry about it, I'm not going to shed a tear that an unrepentant mass murderer has died by my hand."
"That makes you no better than he was!" Robin snapped out.
"Really?" Xander asked. "Do you want to get off your high horse and go tell all the police officers who have been forced to take a life in the line of duty how they're no better than Hitler or Stalin?"
"You were not a police officer acting in the line of duty," Robin said with a glare.
"No I was not," Xander agreed. "I was a mind controlled victim who was forced to kill by the sovereign king of another country while in battle against someone who had declared war."
"Most people would require counseling to get over their feelings of guilt," Raven said dryly, trying to get a feel for his emotions.
"Most people haven't been mind controlled before and come to grips with it," Xander replied. "Coming out of it to find I'd mortally wounded an unrepentant mass murderer was a relief."
"You actually mean that," Raven said.
"Considering what I could have been ordered to do?" Xander asked.
"I can't think of anything worse than to suddenly find I'd been forced to kill someone," Robin said.
"Then I both, envy and pity you," Xander replied.
"What?" Beast Boy asked confused.
"I'm guessing he can think of a lot worse things and envies the fact that Rob can't," Cyborg said.
"Pretty much," Xander agreed. "Pizza?"
"Don't mind if I do," Robin said, accepting a slice, his tone of voice saying the subject of discussion was over with for now.
"Where am I bunking?" Xander asked.
"We've got plenty of room, just pick one," Cyborg said cheerfully, in between bites of pizza.
"Until I can avoid being mind controlled I'll have to stick close to Raven," Xander decided. "You can control me, right?"
"Most people would consider that a bad thing," Raven drawled out.
"I seriously doubt you'd order me to do anything I'd disagree with," Xander replied. "I'm more concerned with being controlled by villains and being forced to hurt innocent people."
"The room next to mine will work," Raven offered, seeing the sense in his idea.
"We are to be roommates?" Starfire asked curiously, a broad smile on her face.
"The other side of my room," Raven corrected, causing Starfire to pout.
"It's pretty empty," Cyborg warned. "We didn't set this place up for company."
"As long as it has a TV and a futon, I'll be fine," Xander promised. "Did Bats return my luggage yet?"
"He's still running tests," Robin replied. "I'll get you the basics in the meantime. Any allergies?"
"Authority," Xander replied mock seriously.
"I'm sorta that way with responsibility," Beast Boy said cheerfully as Cyborg laughed.
"Don't we know it," Raven said with a sigh.
"No food allergies, magic cast on me has a tendency to go wrong, and I attract female demons," Xander listed off causing everyone to stare at him.
"Magic goes wrong?" Beast Boy asked curiously.
"It could have been novice mistakes or the influence of the Hellmouth, but some of the spells cast around me have gone seriously awry," Xander warned them.
"What's a Hellmouth?" Robin asked.
"A dimensional weak point," Raven replied, taking a closer look at Xander.
"Imagine living in a Stephen King novel," Xander said, as he thought about how best to explain it.
"Dude, seriously?" Beast Boy asked.
"Reality isn't really all that stable there and I've seen people's nightmares come to life," Xander explained. "One girl who was ignored or overlooked by everyone turned invisible. Naturally it attracts demons like moths to a candle flame."
"Why do people still live there?!" Beast Boy exclaimed.
Xander shrugged. "It's got a good school system and the best housing prices in California."
The Titans exchanged glances.
"Your people are very strange," Starfire told Robin.
"Sounds like the town needs a hero or five," Cyborg said.
"It's got one or two," Xander assured them. "If Sunnydale didn't have any, you'd know. Trust me on that."
"So basically, you grew up in a Stephen King novel," Beast Boy said. "Okay, I can see why you aren't upset about ganking Black Manta, I mean he was clearly a bad guy and you were being controlled, it's not part of some weird plot to raise Cthulhu."
"Straight forward, no hidden evils, everything easy to understand," Xander agreed.
"And you couldn't have explained this to the Justice League?" Robin asked. "It would have made things a lot easier."
Xander shrugged. "Batman rubbed me the wrong way and tried to steal my stuff, I'm the type to take offense at that and can hold a grudge. And… I have no idea why I'm telling you all this." He frowned.
Raven raised a hand. "Lesson one, attacks don't come at predetermined times when you're prepared to repel them, in fact they almost never do. You have to be on guard at all times, not just for obvious attacks but for subtle ones as well, like an empath encouraging you to be open and honest."
Xander groaned. "And resisting encouragement to do something you are already inclined to do is even more difficult."
Raven nodded. "You aren't entirely untutored."
"No, I learned a bit about resisting possession after… I mean, no I'm not," Xander agreed, forcing himself to stop talking.
"You're learning," Raven stated, pleased he'd caught on even if she was curious to learn more about him and the place where he'd grown up.
"I didn't know you could do that," Beast Boy said.
"There's a lot about me you don't know," Raven replied.
"Doesn't mean we don't want to know, nor are we unwilling to listen," Xander said, looking into her eyes.
Raven opened her mouth and then quickly shut it, looking a bit shocked before schooling her features. "I have to go meditate," she said, quickly leaving.
The table fell silent for a minute until Cyborg asked, "Are you an empath? Cause it looks like you turned her attack back on her and almost succeeded."
"I'm not an empath," Xander said, waving him off. "I am, however, empathetic. So all I really did was open myself up to her."
"How is that different?" Robin asked.
"Because lying with ones emotions is very difficult," Starfire said knowledgeably. "Genuine emotions are inherently honest. It is how we all connect to one another."
"Raven's really not the sharing type," Cyborg said.
"And my best friend didn't like parties," Xander said with a shrug." Doesn't mean she didn't like being invited."
"I always feel like I'm bugging her when I invite her to stuff," Beast Boy said.
"You are," the rest of the Titans chorused.
"You don't just ask, you badger," Cyborg pointed out.
"I thought you used the puppy to try and get her to do things," Starfire said confused. Beast Boy turned into a little green puppy and gave her a pleading look. "Yes, like that!"
"Doing things to the point of annoyance is known as badgering someone," Robin explained.
"It's because badgers are very stubborn animals that do what they want regardless of danger," Cyborg added.
"Oh, I see!" Starfire said brightly, the orange skinned aliens' green eyes lighting up.
"I'll try to dial it back a little," Beast Boy said, opening another pizza.
"Good luck with that." Robin snorted.
"Yeah, you don't have a low setting. It's either full-stop or charge," Cyborg said.
"So what's the weirdest thing you've seen?" Beast Boy asked Xander, shamelessly changing the subject.
"Most of it was more deadly than weird," Xander said thoughtfully considering what he could share that had happened publicly. "Hansel and Gretel turned out to be an illusion that a demon used to make the townsfolk kill off all their magic users so it could safely feed on them, for instance."
"Hansel and Gretel, like the story?" Cyborg asked.
"Yeah, turns out it was a demon who was the basis for the entire thing," Xander replied.
"How'd that turn out?" Robin asked.
"One of the posts they tied the witches to, for burning, got ripped out of the ground and driven through the demon, breaking the spell and dispersing the mob. One of the witches turned herself into a rat with a backfiring spell, but everyone else was fine. Which reminds me, anyone know how to turn a witch back to human, who's stuck in rat form?" Xander said hopefully.
"I'll send a message to Batman, I'm sure he knows someone," Robin offered.
"I appreciate it," Xander said.
"Cool story, now let me tell you about the time we all got turned into animals," Beast Boy said with a grin. "Raven was the cutest little bunny!"
"I'm listening," Xander said, amused by the thought of a bunny Raven.
0o0oo0o0o0o0o0
Xander stepped into his temporary room and poked around. Just as described it was pretty bare, not even up to motel standards, but it had a good sized TV and its own bathroom, so he was satisfied.
Turning on the TV he flipped through the channels, amazed at how many there were until he found a women centric station and waited for the commercials.
"At Bed, Bath and Beyond –" the ad began, when Xander sunk his hands into the screen, pulling out a stack of thick and fluffy towels, before grabbing a matching robe and additional bathing supplies.
0o0oo0o0o0o0o0
"It's a power cell," Superman explained.
"But how did it get on the bike and why does it bear your symbol?" Batman asked.
"Beats me," Superman said with a shrug. "If I was to hazard a guess, I would say it was a trade item from before Krypton's destruction. While very insular, Krypton did engage in some limited trade beyond their system. The only one who would have the records to track its sale and shipment would be Brainiac."
"Not curious?" Batman asked surprised.
"Structural analysis says it's from before Krypton's destruction and has spent the majority of its time in space around several different stars of varying types," Superman explained. "It's the equivalent of a car battery of no real significance, other than having been created by my family's factory for trade."
Batman nodded. "The leather on the seat is Czarnian skin."
"Surprising and tasteless," Superman said, shaking his head. "Of course, having met Lobo, I'm not as sympathetic or shocked as I might have been otherwise. At best it was a minor annoyance for whoever was skinned, considering their healing factor."
Batman was speechless for a moment before nodding. "I'll give you that. Still nothing about this makes any sense. We have dozens of clues that seem to suggest half a dozen different answers, none of which fit the Titans' preliminary report about the boy."
"I'm sure you'll figure it out eventually," Superman assured him.
"It's like he was coated in glue and rolled in strange items," Batman said, shaking his head. "It's almost enough to make me consider Blue Devil's theory about weirdness magnets!"
"Shayera said the axe was at least a century old, but since weapons are passed down family lines it could have been used by one of the soldiers during the invasion," Superman offered.
"That just proves my point," Batman said with a frown.
"Manhunter to Batman," Johnn's voice came over the com.
"Batman here," he instantly replied.
"The Joker has escaped while in transit to Arkham, just thought you might want to know," The Martian told him.
"I'm on it. Batman out," he replied and turned to face Superman. "Harris can wait, he's not a current threat."
"I'll keep you notified of anything else I discover," Superman promised.
Batman nodded and vanished at the tap of a button.
Superman turned and scanned the Motorcycle Harris had been riding once more. "It's almost like he built it from the remains of several invasions. Nah, what are the odds of his finding just the right pieces after each attack?" Superman headed out, leaving the table filled with neatly labelled tags on all of Xander's possessions behind.
Typed By – Sitheus Maximus
