Note: Thankyou for my first review! :)

This is going a little slow, I know, but I just feel that there's alot for them to go through in this story. Hopefully you enjoy reading as much as I enjoy writing.


Dean didn't even think, he just ran. When the door slammed behind him, he dropped to his knees, then pitched forward, hunched over with his head in his hands. The tears wouldn't stop, no matter how hard and painful his grip on his hair became.

'Dammit Dean why, why did you do that?!' He yelled at himself, face pressed into the floor.

It felt like his chest was ripping open, like he was in hell again having his skin shredded. Now that the emotions had started to leak through he couldn't stop them, and the pain was coming in waves so intense that he could clearly understand why it was referred to as being 'broken'. He couldn't breathe, couldn't think, all he could do was rock himself in a huddle on the floor, letting the waves of pain wash over him.


"Thankyou." Castiel accepted the beer Sam passed him gratefully, and took a large swig, then scrunched his nose. "It tastes awful."

"You get used to it." Sam replied, a smile playing on his lips. "So, what happened?"

Castiel just stared at him and slowly raised one eyebrow. "Which part?"

"Right. Um, well I guess how did you come back?"

Castiel sighed, took another mouthful of the beer and sat back in the chair. "I don't really... Remember it, so much? Just... I was in this place, and there was a being... I wasn't meant to be awake, but somehow I was. And... Well I think I annoyed said being enough for it to send me back."

Sam choked slightly on his drink, laughing at such a simple explanation. "That sounds like something you would do. And so you just woke up here?"

Castiel smiled in spite of himself, then stared down at the drink in his hands. "No. I woke up some way from here though... I seem to have come back with my 'angel powers' fully intact, so it didn't take me long to get back here." He frowned then, adding. "Although... I also appear to have come back with completely human needs also. This confuses me."

Sam cocked his head to the side, frowning. "What kind of human needs?"

"Eating. Sleeping. All of it. I don't understand this, Sam. One can either be human, or an angel. Not both, unless one is nephilim, and even then the human side is... Less intense."

"Hm." Sam had nothing to add on that, but it certainly was confusing him. "Oh, speaking of Nephilim-"

"Jack!" Cas sat forward suddenly. "Is he-"

Sam smiled slightly. "He's with Mom, Jody and the girls at the moment. Cas, he's amazing."

Castiel frowned slightly. "He's with... Why isn't he here?"

At that, Sam's face dropped. "Cas, you gotta know... When you died, Dean broke. For a week he wouldn't even speak to anyone. He just drank and slept."

Castiel let out a deep sigh and closed his eyes, wishing he didn't have to hear the pain Dean had went through. But, he had to - because he had felt some of it when Dean kissed him, that pain and loss and anger. Now he needed to understand what happened, so he could make it right. So he could fix his hunter.

"The second week he talked - but only about work, and he was just so damn angry. With everyone. Everything. It.. We couldn't have a baby around him Cas, it would have been too dangerous." Sam's hand flickered to touch a fairly fresh scar on his cheek, remembering how it happened. He'd lost his cool and told Dean to man up, that Castiel was never coming back - and Dean threw a blade at him. "So Mom and Jody sort of just decided that they would look after Jack, until - well, IF dean ever recovered."

Castiel took a long, deep drink from the beer bottle, draining the last of it. Wordlessly, Sam opened another beer and passed it to him. Castiel had not missed the movement of Sam's hand to that scar, and he didn't have to ask how. He just knew. He ran a hand back through his hair.

"And the third?" His voice was quiet now, truly rocked by the depth of Dean's despair.

"The third week-" Sam's voice broke then, and he shook his head, eyes glazing over slightly. "The third week he shut down. Cas, it was worse than when he was a demon. He just... it was Dean, but it wasn't, you know?"

"I don't quite.. Understand." He couldn't imagine what Sam was saying.

"I mean there was nothing. Just nothing. No sadness, no anger, nothing at all. He was a shell that just worked... It was... Well, I honestly started to wonder if his soul-" Sam stopped, gritting his teeth. He didn't like to talk about being without a soul, even after so long, but that was exactly what Dean had been like. "Cas he acted like me with no soul. But worse. I kept expecting things to change, somehow something would click and he'd start getting better. But it's been six months, man, and nothing."

Castiel tried to form words, but he couldn't find anything that would be right to say. He had no idea that his being gone, him of all people, would have such an effect on Dean. Part of him wondered if he had done something to cause him to react that way - and he hated himself for the possibility. Finally, after minutes had passed and he had finished the second beer, he looked up at Sam.

"But why?"

"Seriously?" Sam scoffed, shaking his head. "Cas... Either you're seriously dense, or you have very low self esteem. Maybe both. But I'm not going to answer that. It's something you need to work out with him."

"I don't understand any of this." Castiel huffed, frustrated. Then a thought dawned on him. "But earlier- When Dean came in here, he wasn't like that at all. He recovered?"

"Um. No, not really." Sam frowned then, staring at his own beer as he tried to sort the thoughts properly. "It was strange. And sudden. We'd just finished working a job, and a few hours before you called he suddenly had... Something. Emotion. I don't know."

"What do you mean?"

"I mean he... He felt something, and actually said that he wasn't doing okay, talked about it for like a minute. Not much but for Dean, that's huge."

Castiel suddenly went still, the beer bottle halfway to his mouth, as an impossible thought crossed his mind. "Sam, this will sound strange but... What time was it?"

Sam frowned at the odd question, then tried to think. "Um. Around noon, maybe?"

"That's impossible..." Castiel breathed, his eyes widening.

"What is?"

"That this happened... Right as I landed on this earth again."

The two of them locked eyes, realisation dawning at the same time as confusion.

"How-" Cas started.

"I don't know. But we need to find out." Sam said quickly, pulling out more beer. "Research time. Now."

Dean had rolled onto his side, curled into a ball. The waves had finally receded and now he was left feeling cold and empty, broken by so much emotion. He stared blankly at the wall, blinking away each tear that still came. And he stayed like that, slightly shivering from the shock, until he passed into a fitful sleep.

"Here." Sam looked up truimphantly, then pushed a book toward Castiel.

Cas looked up from the laptop, and took the book from Sam. His finger drifted down the page, following as he read the old script. With each word his eyes got slightly wider, and when he had finished, he moved back to the middle of the page, reading it aloud

"And should the spirits of two beings pure in form and intent be paired, a bond may be formed which will stretch through dimension and space..." Castiel blinked and looked up. "Sam this is... You think this may have happened? But how? When?"

"Possibly when you - uh - how do you put it... 'Gripped him tight and raised him from perdition?" Sam smirked slightly at the uncomfortable look on Castiel's face. "It does make sense when you think about it, Cas. You've always had this weird bond that nobody else had or could explain."

They went silent then, each pondering the possibility. And Sam was right - it made sense.

"Hey, Cas?" Sam sat up, suddenly remembering something. "When you called Dean, what did you say to him?"

"Hm? Oh - nothing, just... His name. The line went dead before I could say any more."

"So, then, how did he know you were here?" Sam asked, and confusion crossed Castiel's face. "I mean, you got a new phone, so he couldn't trace you. And you didn't tell him, so..."

"He knew somehow." Castiel finished, a light of hope dawning in his eyes. "Just the same as I felt him drawing nearer."

Sam just smiled, a knowing sort of smile that Castiel found odd. "I think it's time you went and sorted this out, don't you?"

Castiel frowned, fear and doubt creeping into his face. But he nodded and finished the beer in one gulp, then stood. He turned toward the direction that Dean had gone, then hesitated, looking back at Sam. Sam just nodded, with a little smile.

"Go. Everything will work out."

"Sam. Thankyou." Cas said softly, then turned again and began what felt like the longest journey of his life.