Castiel hesitated, staring at the dark wood in front of him. He felt terrified, a strange concept to him. But there it was, fear coursing through him so intense that his hands were shaking as he raised one to knock. He paused - what if this broke everything they had?

But what if it doesn't, a tiny voice whispered in his head.

Castiel took a deep, bracing breath, then gently rapped on the door three times.

"Dean?" His voice sounded small and pathetic to his own ears. "Dean, please let me in."

Silence.

"We have to talk about this, please." Cas begged.

"Cas" It was the softest of sounds, but he heard it and froze. "Cas... Don't leave me please, please, god, don't leave me..."

His eyes widened as he heard the panic in the soft voice. "Dean?"

There were no more words, but he heard faint sobs on the other side of the door, and it was all he could do not to kick the door down. He took a more civilised approach, touching a finger to the doorknob and releasing a tiny bit of grace, just enough for the click to signal it was unlocked.

"Dean, I'm coming in." Cas warned, then pushed the door gently open.

Dean was still curled on his side on the floor, but his eyes were closed though tears still leaked from them, his body shaking with quiet sobs. He was dreaming. "Cas please, no..." The fearful words slipped from his lips, and it broke Castiel to hear them. He crouched down next to Dean and gently reached a hand out - but as soon as he touched the hunter he was overwhelmed by a torrent of emotions that literally took his breath away, leaving him gasping for air. The strongest was pure, unfiltered fear.

Castiel rocked back on his heels, his hand snapping back to his chest and breathing hard. As though a switch had flipped, the emotions fled and left him only with his own pain. Confusion clouded his eyes as he glanced at the hunter - Dean had not stirred yet, but he had stopped talking although his face was still a mask of fear and pain.

Cautiously, Castiel reached his hand out again and touched his side. Again the emotions poured into his heart and mind, and he audibly gasped. It was still overwhelming but, having been prepared, he found he was able to maintain the contact. And somehow, he instinctually knew how to help.

His eyes burned blue as his grace activated, and he could suddenly feel the thread that connected them together. It was an almost tangible thread in his mind, connecting his soul to Dean's. He followed it, feeling a tear drop down his cheek as he felt the absolute chaos in Dean's soul.

"No, Cas." Dean groaned underneath his touch, his entire body tense and rigid.

Then Castiel saw it, just a glimpse, but it must have been what Dean was dreaming. His body, pale and lifeless atop a pyre. Dean's hands holding a lighter, ready to toss it into the pile.

"No." Castiel whispered. "You will not suffer this again."

Without knowing how, Castiel siphoned the images away from his mind, drawing them out like pulling poison from a wound. He could feel his strength waning as he used more of his grace, just as surely as he could feel the despair leaving Dean and entering his own soul. How he could do it, he didn't understand - but he knew it was working as he felt Dean slowly relax under his hand.

Then as suddenly as it had begun, the connection was severed, and Castiel was thrown back with an unknown force. He landed on his back, breathing hard as though he'd run a race. The emotions he had felt in dean continued to whirl inside his chest, leaving him breathless with the anguish. Nothing he had felt during his time as a human or otherwise even came close to what he was feeling now, what remained within him despite his touch with dean being severed.

Once he had pulled himself up to sit again, he glanced over at Dean. He was relaxed now, and quiet, an almost peaceful look on his face. He still hadn't woken, curled on his side, but the tremors and sobs were gone as though they had never existed.

Castiel, however, was shaking as he raised himself on unsteady legs and left the room, closing the door softly behind him. With one hand on the wall to steady himself, he made his way back out to the main room, finding it empty. Carefully and, very slowly, he made his way to the table, then slumped against it with exhaustion. Tears were tracking down his cheeks now, the anguish in his heart making itself known. And for the first time in his memory, Dean was not the brother he called.

"SAM!"


"Wow." Sam breathed, rocking back in his chair.

After Castiel had called out, Sam had first helped him regain his strength with coffee and food, then they had stayed up the rest of the night discussing what had happened. It was now morning, and they had just finished talking about what Castiel was feeling and the image he had seen. Sam ran his hand back through his hair, staring at the exhausted angel in front of him.

"I've never heard of anything like this, Cas." He finally said quietly. "Have any of the other angels ever-"

"No." Cas answered with a sigh. "I have searched my memories, and if ever there was such an incident it would have been... dealt with."

"Oh." Pause. "So should we be expecting interference?"

"No. Heaven does not possess the resources right now."

"Hm." Sam grunted, his eyes distant as he pondered. "I wonder though, why now? You've always had a bond, but not this... uh, intense I guess. So what's changed?"

Castiel shrugged and shook his head. "I don't know. Maybe-"

They stopped suddenly as dean entered the room, rubbing a hand sleepily through his hair. Castiel ran his eyes over the man, appraising him. He wore the same clothes he had come home in yesterday, wrinkled from where he had slept. Yet he seemed better than he was the night before, both in his appearance and through what Castiel could feel.

"Coffee?" Dean grunted, barely catching Castiel's eye for a second before directing the question to Sam.

"Got some last night." Sam answered, nodding toward the kitchen. "Instant."

Sam had indeed gone out last night - since they had barely been at the bunker for months, they had no supplies. When Castiel went to Dean, Sam had left to find a late night convenience store. He'd brought back plenty of supplies, among which had been a large jar of coffee.

Dean nodded his thanks and shuffled past them, headed for the kitchen and blessed coffee. He tried to ignore Castiel sitting there with his worried, tired face, but he could feel the angel watching him until he left the room. He also ignored the tingling that crept from the base of his spine at the thought of Cas watching him, putting it down to his nerves being on edge.

In the kitchen he made himself a fast coffee, frowning as he took the first few sips. Instant wasn't his favourite, but it would do in a pinch. And right now it wouldn't have mattered if it was the cheapest, bad tasting coffee, he still would have drunk it.

After a second cup of coffee, he started to make breakfast from the supplies that Sam had brought home - bacon, eggs and toast. He heard Sam's approach before he saw his brother, but decided to ignore him until he spoke. He was really getting good at this ignoring thing.

"Might want to put another plate out for Cas."

He turned sharply to meet Sam's gaze, confusion on his face.

"Yeah. By the way, Castiel needs to eat, sleep, and generally be human. Guess you'd know that if you weren't throwing a tantrum."

Dean scowled at the last part, biting back whatever he had been planning to say in favour of ignoring his brother. He did, however, add more bacon and eggs to the pan and pop in some more toast. He pulled another plate from a cupboard, adding it to the two on the bench, then busied himself making three cups of coffee.

"Dean-"

"Don't." Dean cut him off, stopping all movement as he looked up to meet Sam's eyes. "I know what you wanna talk about Sammy, and just don't, okay?"

"No." Sam pursed his lips, breathing through his nose. "Dammit Dean, to hell with that. You're not the only one in pain here, yeah?"

Dean scoffed and shook his head, turning away to flip the eggs. He picked up the plates and started getting ready to serve the breakfast he had cooked.

"What the hell is wrong with you, man?! Cas, by some miracle, is back from the dead, and first you're happy, but then you go all psycho and now you're treating him like crap! Do you have any idea the hell he's gone through all damn night because of you?!"

"Yes!" Dean shouted, throwing one of the empty plates against the wall and smashing it to pieces.

Sam shut his mouth, staring at his brother in surprise. Dean put his hands on the counter and bowed his head, his eyes closed as he took careful, measured breaths to calm the anger that was rising in him. They were silent as the minutes ticked by until Dean finally felt he was calm enough to speak.

"I get it, man. He's screwed up. Who can blame him after what I-" Dean stopped, gripping the counter until his knuckles lost colour, then continued. "I screwed everything up. And now I'm looking at losing my best friend, when I just got him back and I- I don't know if I can fix it."

"Dean, have you considered it might not be as bad as all that?"

"How could it not be?" Dean half laughed painfully. "Anyway I don't wanna talk about it. At least I can make a decent breakfast, and it's a start."

Sam shook his head and stood, moving around the bench to grab another plate and help his brother dish up the food. He'd clean the broken pieces up later. They silently laid the breakfast out on the kitchen table, and brought the coffee over before calling Castiel to join them for breakfast. It was a quiet affair, and Sam found himself wondering how his brother and friend had both become such blind idiots.


The rest of the day was fairly quiet - Castiel tried to do some research on the 'bond' that they had discovered, however there was very little lore and he found the day passing quicker than he expected as he combed through the books in the library. Sam tapped at his laptop most of the day, doing what Sam did - writing a summary of the last case for the men of letters files, then looking through articles and police databases to find a case. Dean spent his day in the garage, cleaning and polishing baby inside and out until she was good as new, relaxing to the tunes that pumped from the stereo.

Eventually the day passed, night crept on, and Dean ended up relaxing back into the driver's seat of the impala, his eyes closed as he let the music wash over him. He pushed all thought out of his mind, focusing on the music, memorising the lyrics as he listened. He was so immersed that he didn't hear the door to the garage open with a soft creak.

Castiel stepped into the room, balancing a plate on one hand, holding a six pack of beer in the other. He pushed the door closed with his foot, then looked around the massive room, awed by the collection of vehicles contained inside. He could hear music coming from - well, somewhere. He followed the sound until he saw the Impala, sitting there with the door open.

As he approached, he realised that Dean had not heard his entrance, and tried to stay quiet. It gave him a chance to truly appraise the man - the way his body melded into the seat, one leg hanging out the door, the other foot tapping the floor in time with the beat. His face was almost peaceful, the only sign that he was awake was his lips moving with unspoken words - the lyrics of the song, Castiel deduced.

Dean had lost weight, he noticed. His signature black shirt was much looser on him than Castiel remembered. Even the dark jeans he wore used to fit more snug - now they rode low, barely held up with a thin belt. Yet even though he seemed so unhealthily slim, Castiel could still see the rippling muscles that strained at his sleeves. It made him wonder what hell Dean had put himself through, physically, to have lost that amount of weight yet gained muscle.

Shaking out of his reverie, Castiel approached the vehicle and gently tapped on the bottom of the door with his boot. Dean immediately tensed, his foot no longer tapping to the beat as he opened his eyes a little, looking up at Castiel with a slight frown.

"I, um," Castiel coughed, feeling a slight heat under his collar as the man just kept staring. "I brought you food. Dinner. And beer. It's not much but... Well, here."

He held the tray out to Dean, who took it without a word, shifting his leg back inside the car so he could sit up and balance the tray in his lap. He took the beer Cas offered as well, flinching slightly when their fingertips brushed, sending a spark through them both.

Castiel dropped his eyes, the hurt flashing clear across his face even though he tried to hide it. Dean was surprised to note that he could almost feel the hurt he had caused - then he felt ashamed of himself. He looked back at the angel, then realised he had turned to go, the beer sitting on the ground beside the car.

"Cas-" Dean started, his voice uncertain. Castiel stopped, but didn't turn. "I.. Sorry."

"You don't need to apologise, Dean." Castiel kept his back turned, but he didn't move away yet.

Dean looked down at the tray in his lap. There was one plate, with two sandwiches on it. Bacon, lettuce and tomato by the look of it. On another plate was a generous slice of cherry pie.

"Sam make this?" Dean asked.

"No." Castiel answered, but he didn't elaborate further.

Dean felt a warmth in his chest as he realised that Cas had made this for him, knowing exactly what kind of food Dean would love when he was feeling down. A slight smile quirked his lips as he glanced up, noticing that Castiel still hadn't moved. He still hadn't forgotten what had happened, and his feelings of shame - but he felt impulsive anyway.

"Stay?" The word was barely more than a whisper.

Castiel's eyes widened slightly in surprise. He hadn't expected this, and he wasn't sure how to react - but he certainly was not going to refuse. He nodded slightly, schooling his face into an unreadable mask as he turned and made his way to the opposite side of the car. He slid into the seat, keeping a careful distance from the man.

Dean glanced over at his friend, feeling a heat that he didn't recognise crawling its way up his spine as their eyes met. He almost instantly looked away, down at his lap again. He offered one of the sandwich halves to Cas, who took it gratefully, along with another of the beers.

They ate in silence, the only sound coming from the stereo. When they had finished, Dean placed the tray on the ground outside the car and relaxed back in the seat again, slowly sipping at the beer.

"What was it like?" He asked softly, his eyes closing of their own accord as he leant his head back.

"Being dead?" Castiel replied bluntly. Dean grunted in agreement, not moving. "It was... nothing, I suppose. I was meant to just sleep forever. Somehow I awoke, and there was an entity... a keeper, if you will. It sent me back."

"Just like that?" Dean opened his eyes to look over at Castiel.

"Uh, not quite." A smile curved Castiel's mouth. "It wanted peace and quiet. I disturbed it enough."

He couldn't help it - a small laugh escaped, as dean shook his head at his companion.

"Somehow, I could imagine that wouldn't be hard for you."

Castiel scowled slightly at the man, dean laughed, and for a moment it was like nothing had changed. They were just two best friends, sitting in the beautiful car, sharing beers and stories. Dean looked down at his hands around the beer bottle with a slight frown, thinking about what he wanted to say, but hadn't.

"Cas..." He started, but as he looked up at the angel, his resolve faltered. Mostly. "I'm glad you're back." He finally sighed after a pause.

Castiel gave him a smile in return. "Me too, Dean."

They both smiled then, and relaxed once more. The time passed quickly as they drank, talk and laughed until late into the night. Maybe, just maybe, everything wasn't as screwed up as Dean assumed. He caught himself stealing glances at the angel, just watching the way his mouth curved when he laughed, or the expressions that crossed his face. He told himself he was just observing his body language so he knew whether or not he was forgiven - because he was definitely, absolutely, not drawn to Cas in an I'm-in-love-with-you-and-terrified-to-lose-you-again kind of way.


Note: Bit of a longer chapter, I was going to do it as two chapters but nope. I'm hoping that those who have read this far are still liking it :)