When Castiel woke in the morning, he was pleasantly surprised to find Dean still there. That, of course, meant that the night before hadn't been a dream, and Dean was still not rejecting him. He kept waiting for it, though, waiting for the moment that reality would hit and the hunter would turn away from him.
He just laid there for awhile, barely moving as his eyes drank Dean in for as long as he could. Eventually, though, his human needs refused to be ignored. He tried to be quiet and gentle, barely jostling the man as he extracted himself from the bed, but it didn't seem to matter. The moment their skin parted, Dean's eyes shot open as though shocked.
"Cas?" His voice was panicked, needy, and it broke the angel's heart.
"I'm here." Castiel touched his shoulder reassuringly, watching the way Dean instantly calmed and relaxed back into the bed. "I need to use the bathroom."
"Mm." Dean hummed sleepily, his eyes closing again.
Cas took longer than he expected in the bathroom, having decided to have a shower. He spent a long time relishing in the feel of hot water running over weary muscles, relaxing and enjoying it until the water ran cold.
Cleaned up and dressed, he pulled the bathroom door shut as he exited, then turned towards the bedrooms. He turned too fast, however, and dizziness hit, causing him to stumble and fall - straight into Dean's arms, who had come to check on him.
"Shit." Dean blinked as he hoisted the angel up into his arms, and looked down at him worriedly.
"I'm fine, Dean. I just turned too fast."
But Castiel's voice lacked the conviction it should have held, and his arm around dean's shoulder was shaking very slightly. And he had to admit, it felt nice being carried like that, held close against the hunter's body. Being cared for.
"Bullshit, Cas." Dean shifted slightly to get a better grip on the bridal-style carry, feeling the angels head drop onto his shoulder. "You're going back to bed."
"Dean, no, I have to- to eat, and research, and- Dean, my room is that way."
Dean had been walking while Castiel was protesting, ignoring him, and Cas hadn't realised at first that they weren't going toward his room. His new protest fell on deaf ears, however, as Dean gently lay him on the memory foam mattress in his own room and pushed him to lay down.
"Dean-"
His questioning tone was cut off by Dean's lips over his, swallowing his words. Cas gasped in surprise, the moment allowing the kiss to deepen, igniting sparks between them as lips and tongue moved together until they were breathless. Then Dean pulled back far too soon, and an honest to god whimper escaped Cas.
That brought a low chuckle from Dean as he pulled the rumpled sheets over Cas, ignoring the frustrated look the angel leveled at him.
"Settle down, Cas. You're still not well." He felt guilty even saying that, reminding himself of the reason he could never forget. "My bed is more comfortable. You're going to stay here and I mean, right here," He pointed at the bed to emphasise. "Until you're better. I'll bring you whatever you need."
"This is completely unnecessary Dean." Castiel huffed with a frown.
"Unnecessary my ass, Cas you nearly passed out."
"It was a momentary lapse."
"Which just happens to keep repeating itself."
"I'll just get up when you leave." The chin lifted stubbornly.
"Then I'll tie you to the bed." Lips quirked up in a smirk, one eyebrow raising.
Cas' mouth formed silent words as he stared at the stubborn hunter with that infuriating smirk on his face, arms crossed in an unmoveable stance as he stared him down. Once he felt heat spread across his cheeks he huffed and looked away, knowing he had just lost the argument.
"Fine. I will stay."
"Great." Den relaxed and clapped his hands together. "Now what do you want to eat."
"Food, obviously." Cas grumbled, feeling rather put out.
"Bacon it is!" Dean declared, then turned and left the room quickly.
Cas let his head drop back on the pillow, sighing. He just knew that Dean was going to become absolutely unbearable in the following days. Yet as much as he grumbled to himself, a small smile still played on his lips. He felt truly cared for and for that, he would put up with any amount of fussing.
The next few days passed in a haze of almost equal annoyance and bliss for Cas. He didn't stop protesting his restriction to Dean's bedroom and the bathroom - But he relished the time they spent together.
Dean would bring him books from the library and they would lay together on the bed, reading for hours in comfortable quiet. Other times Dean would sit at his desk and bring up pages on his computer, reading them aloud to Cas. Occasionally he would fall asleep, waking up to find Dean laying beside him just staring, or drawing him close in an intimate embrace.
More than once they would lose themselves, kissing each other breathless in the bed, hands roaming and exploring. Those times Cas almost thought things would go further - but Dean always cited his illness as a reason to pull away, leaving him frustrated and metaphorically pulling his hair out.
Every night they fell asleep in much the same way - curled into each other's arms, their fingers laced together. From the first night in his bed, Dean had expressly forbidden Cas from using the bond to remove the nightmares. He needed to recover, not exert himself more, Dean had said. But they quickly found it wasn't needed.
So long as their skin touched, neither man had dreams or nightmares. Rather it was a lot like they drifted on another plane of existence, their very essence melding together into a sea of raw emotions.
It wasn't until Wednesday morning that Dean's phone lit up with an incoming call. He was in the middle of making Cas breakfast, who was actually up and sitting at the kitchen table. Most of the colour had come back to his face, the dark circles were gone, and Dean had decided he was well enough to leave the bedroom.
"Cas will you get that?" Dean called over, busy with the frypan.
"Sure." Cas reached over and picked up Dean's phone from the table, answering the call and lifting it to his ear. "If you stop eating all our bacon. Hello?"
"Cas?" The voice on the other end was surprised.
"Oh, good morning Sam."
Dean's head whipped around to stare, eyes wide like a deer in headlights, bacon half way to his mouth. Cas gave him a small shrug, palms up in an I-don't-know-what-to-say gesture. Dean gestured back with a keep-going hand roll, turning back to the bacon. It was done, so he started plating.
"Uh... yes, Sam, he's here." Pause. "Because he's cooking breakfast." Pause. "Yes. I am much better now." Pause. "Sam, I don't - It's not - Um..."
Dean finished with the frypan and put it down, looking around at Cas again. At the last part he stared in a half horrified sort of way at the blush that was creeping across the angels cheeks while he stammered down the phone line.
I'm going to kill Sammy, He thought as he strode over and took the phone from Cas.
"Sam!" He spoke a bit louder than intended, slightly irritated by the laughter on the other end.
He mentioned for Cas to start eating, then turned and left the kitchen, headed for his bedroom. He knew that Sam was going to ask questions and he preferred to have the conversation privately.
"What the hell did you say to him?" Dean bit when he was safely behind a closed door.
"Nothing!" Sam insisted between laughs. "I just asked how you made up is all."
Dean pinched the bridge of his nose, sitting on the edge of the bed with his elbows on his knees. "Sam."
"Okay fine, I'll stop." A few more laughs before he settled down. "So, in all seriousness, you actually fixed it?"
"Yes, Sam. I don't know if I'll ever make up for it but... We're good."
"About damn time. Well, I was just calling to tell you I'm coming home today."
"Great. When will you be here?"
"Well I'm leaving around noon, so I should be there around 5 or 6. That enough time to get your clothes back on?" Sam snickered.
"Oka- what? No, I mean, yes, I mean-" Sam's snickers turned into full laughs as Dean took a breath and tried again. "It's not like that. I haven't-we haven't-" And there started the stammering again, this time with a blush crawling up his neck. God he so didn't want to go into this conversation with his little brother.
"Wait, you mean you haven't.." Sam trailed off, the laughing quickly coming to an end. "Why the hell not? I mean not that I wanna know about it but seriously, Dean, what's stopping you?"
Dean just breathed quietly for a moment, trying to find the right words. As much as he didn't want this conversation to happen, Sam was the only one he could talk to about it. And he knew something had been holding him back, it wasn't just Cas' illness.
"I dunno, man. Just... I dunno. Isn't it a bit early to be rushing things like that?"
"Years, Dean." Sam answered in an I-can't-believe-you-said-that voice. "You two have been pining after each other for years."
"Okay well, what if he's not ready?"
"Dean."
"What if I'm not ready?"
Silence.
"Just... if this doesn't work, we can still go back, y'know? It would kill but, we can. But if we go there..."
"You can't just go back to being friends." Sam finished for him, then sighed. "Funny, you never had this problem with any of your other hookups."
"Cas isn't just one of those hookups. This is different." Dean snapped, instantly angry.
"Exactly." Sam answered, letting Dean realise what he'd just said.
"I-what?" Dean was confused, not catching on.
"Dean, how do you feel about Castiel?"
"I don't- I mean- You know how I feel." Dean flustered, mumbling the last part.
"No, Dean, I don't. And neither does Cas." Sam paused there, then continued after a moment. "Dean I get you guys can feel this stuff through your bond. But how can he feel something that you won't admit to yourself, or let yourself feel?"
"He told you about that?"
"Yeah well, no offence Dean but someone had to pick him up after you shattered him."
Dean felt his heart crush with the words, but he couldn't argue. It was true, and he was glad in a way that his brother could be there when he wasn't.
"Dean?" Sam asked after he had been silent awhile.
"I just don't know if I can, Sammy." He had been running a hand through his hair and now he gripped the strands tight between his fingers, opening his mouth to admit his biggest fear. "What if I lose him again?"
"And what if you never get to truly have him in the first place?" Sam didn't miss a beat.
Dean went silent, the realisation hitting him hard. He knew Sam was right - this was something he needed to work through, and fast. He stayed quiet, mulling it over in his head.
"I'll call when I'm almost there."
"Yeah, ok." Dean answered with a sigh. "And Sammy? ...Thanks."
"No problem."
There was no goodbye, the call just ended. Dean sighed to himself and looked around the room he'd spent the majority of his time with Cas. He glanced down at the phone in his hand - he had ten hours until Sam got home. Ten hours to come to terms with his own feelings, and show Cas too.
