I am so pumped to start writing this chapter (I write the AN before the actual chapter) because I have been waiting to incorporate the other High Lords in some major way, and I finally figured out how to do it! Plus, is there anyone who is more fun to screw around with than Tamlin? I think not. Because I fully intent to mess with him, or mess him up. I'm not particular. Enjoy!
Feyre:
When Rhys told us that he had gotten a message from Tamlin, I was so, so angry at him. We told each other everything. And he hadn't told me. I might not have been so enraged if it had been anything else, but this… this was Tamlin! The male who had let me be broken, and no matter what he had done to atone, I could never forgive him for the things he had done.
He had locked me in that house. And Rhysand had been in my head, he knew exactly the mark that that had left on me. Knew exactly how it had broken me. And still… still he hadn't told me.
It didn't matter what he had said to me when he had saved Rhys. It didn't matter, none of it did. He was a monster. He hadn't helped me when I was broken. And then he had broken me ever farther.
I didn't even wait to hear what the message was, I didn't want to. Lucien was here with me. Alis wasn't there any more, she had gotten free with her nephews. So there was nothing there that concerned me. I got up, shoving my chair back, and without looking at my mate, or any of my family, I walked right out the front door and winnowed away.
And had ended up on the edge of the worst place I could imagine having gone. I had winnowed to the edge of Under the Mountain, as far as I could go.
I almost began crying right then. But my heart was harder than that at the moment. And in my heart I knew that this was the one place that Rhysand would not come, and I didn't want him to come right now. I wanted to be alone.
I knew it made me evil for doing it, but I didn't care. Things had been so good, and then slightly less good when Keir came, but they were still good. It was still home, and I still had my family. For something like this to happen… and for my mate to keep it from me… I wanted him to feel the pain in my heart.
Even if it was the heart that he had helped me fix.
So I snapped my wings out, and started flying to the mountain, and the entrance that I knew went into it.
A few minutes later, and I was walking through the same hall that I had when I had been a scared human girl, coming to rescue her taken love. I laughed bitterly, the sound echoing around me. How naive that girl had been. How oblivious.
I walked towards the center of the cavern, the same space where I had faced the Middengard Worm, where I had had to answer a riddle, and where I had… where I had put a knife through the hearts of two innocent faeries.
There was still a stain left on the ground from their blood spilling unto it.
The sight of the stain almost made me turn away and run, but made myself stay. I made myself remember looking into the Ouroboros, and what I had seen inside of it. How it had made me love every bit of me. Even the evil ones.
I loved those the best. I had told Rhys that day of the battle. And now, I wanted those parts to come to the surface.
I walked forward farther, stepping around the blood stain, and strode to the two thrones that were still there.
I could picture them, Amarantha and Tamlin, sitting on those thrones, the former grinning with evil delight, the latter showing no emotion.
Thinking back, I should have known. I should have known that if he truly loved me, the way that I loved him, I would have been able to see it. Even just a glimmer.
Turning my gaze to the secret hallway that was now opened up, I thought to myself that I definitely should have know then that Tamlin was not the one for me. When he had taken the single opportunity to get me away from everyone to try to have sex instead of getting me free of the hell that I was slowly succumbing to.
I would have turned the knife on myself. That's what I had told the Carver when Rhysand and I had gone to see him.
At the thought my knees gave out, and I fell to the ground in front of the throne that Tamlin had once sat in. I fell and I cried.
I cried because I had thought myself to be rid of him, and the taint he had left on my soul after him and Ianthe had been through with me.
And I cried for the two faeries that I had killed. I cried for the children that the Winter Court had lost. I cried for all of those who lost their lives during the Wars against Hybern, even the ones that I couldn't name.
I cried for Clare Beddor, who I had condemned to death.
I cried for my father, who had been another casualty of our war.
I cried and cried and cried, until there were no more tears.
And then I picked myself up off of the ground, and walked out of the cavern, and out of the tunnel, and out of Under the Mountain. I walked away from it.
I left all of those sadnesses and regrets behind in that awful place.
I left Under the Mountain for the second time. We got out.
Then I winnowed home. To Velaris. To my family. To my mate. To whatever bad news was awaiting me.
And when I arrived in the townhouses sitting room, I felt terrible. Not the way I had felt terrible in that throne room. But in the way that meant I was feeling guilty. Guilty for going where I had, leaving the others to worry, and going where I knew my mate would not follow.
But inside, I still felt better, and more willing to deal with Tamlin.
Sorry that that was so serious, but I kind of needed to add a serious chapter at some point, so I'm glad that I got it out of the way now. Till next time! Bye!
