Caged: Retribution
Chapter 3
Touch me… tell me not to be afraid... mari, mari...
They had never intended to go to the room, but Rico didn't want Téa to wait outside and promised, Blanco is out looking for me. Which hurt but she had no claim to him, how could she, so she climbed the stairs of the quaint house with the fine decorations and the easy ocean breeze flowing through open windows. The sun was sinking, inside a canvas of golds, reds, and shadowy whites. She watched Rico ascend, his body lithe and unstressed. Unlike her. With her baby, with her changing form, her gait beginning to be affected.
And he was right. Todd wasn't at la casita. He was most likely searching for his missing lover because that's what he does. Gets possessive…he will find them. And by lover that could mean Rico or heroin. She should have known he'd return. Common sense screamed at her to get out, but she allowed herself to be lulled into safety. Rico wanted to show Téa his other notebook he'd stashed, the one with his plans to bring libertad across Havana. Liberty… reproduced in all sorts of shapes and colors. In all sorts of illicit places. Like his dancing stars.
It had been a surreal afternoon. She and Rico finished breakfast and in the silence of decision-making, they began to talk. Enough for them to warm to each other despite their connection. He had intended on leaving, armed with information yet still undecided on any plan, and she walked him down. When they got outside, Téa saw a star, his dancing star on the building across the street, and he flashed a rare small smile. Before long they embarked on a tour of personally vandalized property, especially government buildings. Walking like he did, cigarette dangling between fingers, he was discreet in identifying his work. He'd look in the direction of it, indicating its location quietly, and there it would be… the dancing happy star, oh-so-illegal. Some were so impossibly placed that nobody could remove them. He said, they cannot reach it. It was in those stuck high stars that Téa saw Rico's power. His small private grin as he gazed up, his eyes bright, for once the haunted look in them gone.
Does Blanco know you paint the city?
No.
Of course not. He's too selfish, too single-minded.
No, because I choose not to tell him.
Which meant she and Rico shared an unspoken truth, a commonality: they both held secret bits of themselves beyond and apart from...
Blanco.
Su amor.
El León.
Todd.
Téa then said Rico was a Cuban Spider Man... which made him really laugh, a deep-toned rolling laugh. They described the tights and she said he'd look pretty sexy in them and he said he wouldn't be caught dead dressed like that. He grinned as he spoke, cig hanging out of his mouth just like Todd, to the side, careless, about to drop.
When Todd had pulled Rico into him, a hard relieved pull, Téa recognized the layered, desperate want. When he pressed his lips to Rico's… so he kisses him… biting, rough kisses, sickness draping his whole being, her heart jumped because she felt them on her skin, on her own mouth, like one of Todd's body memories. The sensation drove her to the floor, to bury her face against her raised stockinged knee. She folded tight arms over her ears and hid behind proud-seated black Abram. The last time they laid eyes on each other devastated them.
So she hid like a child, like a thief.
But with a voyeur's compulsion she looked once more. Saw Todd pushing Rico onto the bed, getting on top… so he lays with him... embracing him with his whole body, feeling him. Rico was straining to see her, working to resist that force on him, but then he sighed, an audible aching sound, and he pitched his head back and he seemed to… give… GOD she knew how hard it was to stop el león. She knew. Then… then... she heard the soul-deep anguish in Todd's voice and she bit down, hiding once more. Tears burned and she pressed back to make herself smaller, as invisible as possible. Feeling the kick of the gun in her hands...
You used that scarf... why you do that? Is it my fault?
God, god, no matter her efforts, she couldn't escape the heated breathy struggle on the bed, the ragged talk, the scent of fear and sweat and the citified sea coming in above her head. The morning Esperanza was conceived, Téa had wondered how a person could disconnect from a rape. She felt him all along every inch of her, being oh-so-himself… wanting to get inside of her deeper, deeper than physically possible without tearing things, constantly shifting his hold to open her up more. She could not disconnect.
But now… now… in the most distant of ways, she felt a lifting above herself, a running madly, wildly, into the last of the afternoon's light. Anything to not see what was on the bed, en la Casa Particular de Sylvia...
What's the matter? What's wrong? Have I hurt you?
Rico could hardly breathe beneath the weight and want of his lion. His hair was caught up in Blanco's fist, his body trapped by powerful limbs. He held his lover by his t-shirt at the shoulders and looked him in the eyes. They clashed against the other, more a fight of wills than the start of a fuck because Rico was resisting.
A part of him wanted to give in… touch him all over, tear his shirt off, get into his pants, kiss him back until he's gasping for air. He wanted to flip over onto his belly and slip his jeans down. Open himself up to be fucked inside. Do it, mí león, take me, hurt me just a little. He also wanted to pull Blanco up higher so he would be straddling his chest, so he could take his stiff cock into his mouth. Let Blanco use those strong legs to pump his dick into a warm wet sucking mouth until he comes. Rico… wanted… so much to give anything, more than everything, to his lion even if it was all wrong and could never lead to…anything.
You used that scarf... why you do that? Is it my fault?
Rico shuddered because Blanco was on his neck, kissing the marks, his tongue wetting the tender skin, like he could somehow take them away or maybe he wanted to add to them...
I needed it, I had to feel that… Blanco, you have to stop…
Another part of him wanted to grab onto the humiliation. To shame and embarrass La Leona. To show her the heat of her man, the sword at his belly and his rolled eyes and parted lips saying fuck… getting a husband in front of a wife to show himself, to show his most raw self. He thrusted upwards beyond his control at that. Coño, a few more jerks and he'd be coming in his jeans… he groaned at the pain of it.
But he couldn't do any of it.
He liked Delgado and it wasn't fair this shit was happening. He had been careless, eager to show her his big fucking plans of painting Havana because he liked how his art made her smile, the dancing stars in her eyes when she looked up at them. And he knew Blanco wouldn't be there because he'd seen him while he and Téa were on the surprise tour, saw him heading to the beach house, hunched and sick and hair hanging. Walking, walking. Hands in his jacket pockets. Where did the jacket go? Téa hadn't noticed, gazing in another direction and Rico said nothing. So he knew the place would be empty when they got there. But they'd taken too long on their walk and he miscalculated how long Blanco would be gone, or how short.
So Rico slid a knee out and grabbed onto his lion's hair and an arm. Huffed, "STOP!" And with all his strength he knew would be unexpected, pushed back so forcefully that he got Blanco onto his back on the bed, with Rico now on top, breathing fast and looking down at wounded eyes, at grey and brown strands stuck to his forehead and cheek… sweating from illness, fear… his ever-present hate of the world.
"What's the matter? What's wrong? Have I hurt you?"
"No, no, no…," he said quietly. Rico worried at his brow and he caressed his lion's beard and dipped down so he could explain, lips at his ear. How innocent the man sounded, almost childlike in his concern. Gently pressing his head to Todd's, Rico said, "I am sorry. We are not alone in the room."
"Abram isn't a person-"
"Abram is not, but the other is very much a person."
"Wh-what?" Todd looked around, hands loosely on Rico's jacket, but because of his position and the low light in the room, he saw nothing. Rico slid off him, Todd sitting up, turning. He saw Abram… and then… he rasped, "Jesus fucking Christ."
He saw her directly behind the dog, huddled in the corner of the room… his Téa, looking small and tight, her face hidden beneath her folded arms and falling hair, and Abram. The dog eyed Todd with that ever-judgmental unwavering gaze.
God fucking damnit...
Todd slammed eyes back to Rico, his face a mask of shock, confusion… a mad fury. After a couple of agonized beats, he hissed, "What is this? Why… wh-why is she here? What the FUCK are you all up to?"
"We met… accidentally-"
He groaned with a mix of anger and horror and shame… and whatever fucking else was flying around inside of his messed-up self. A million things. The heroin sick roiled now, unfettered. "What the FUCK? What the FUCK?!"
Rico reached a hand and grabbed Todd's arm, a firm hold, haunted brown eyes staring, fierce now. They were both panting from stress and interrupted sex. "She did not mean this, Blanco. It is my fault she is here-"
Todd growled, so stunned to see Téa he couldn't even curse, and yanked his arm out of Rico's grasp. Flew off the bed. Téa was now looking up, now unapologetic for being where she shouldn't. His killer had dug in, yeah, got cool and prideful and no longer small. She sniffed, put her chin up. Her eyes never left his. Look at you, look at my true Delgado. He took careful steps to her, standing over her. Stringy hair hung over his face, his lips parted slightly. His chest rose and fell, every part of him trembling… his whole body humming with hate. The monster he'd become.
"Por favor, perdóname por estar aquí," she said raggedly. "Perdóname, perdóname…" She was strong in her words, holding his gaze, her eyes not weepy or soft or even womanly. She slowly got to her feet. Stood like mother fucking earth. He dropped his light eyes to the rounded womb beneath her full breasts.
I am Esperanza.
He snorted at the gall of it… what fucking HOPE?! The scars on his chest burned him, the entire pathway through his body alive with the Great Betrayal. He grunted softly, still smelling the sea on Rico, tasting the salt on his neck, and feeling his strength when he pushed him off. He wiped his mouth with the back of his hand. Growled like animal, a low rumble reverberating through him.
"I am sorry," Téa said, her eyes pleading.
Like a viper, he grabbed her by the hair and she gasped at it. He looked at her like prey… but she… she had the fucking nerve to look right back at him with no fear. Her eyes were just as hard, just as unmoved as they'd been when she was on the floor… looking up at him. He eyed her in his hands, moving her… in perverse evaluation. Where to bite first? Her neck, her side, her ass… maybe throw her on the ground and smash down on her chest, ripping her open so he could eat her heart. He shook her hard one time and she flexed her jaw, her lips tight… not wavering. Not an inch.
"Blanco, let her go! She is a mother!"
He shuddered in direct response to the words and jerked her slightly. Once more. Said raggedly, "She is no mother to me."
"She is a mother to your children...to the one inside of her."
"If you don't stop talking, Rico, I will fucking murder you where you stand."
Téa put her hands up, laid them on his chest, repeated in a heated whisper, "Perdóname, mí amor, mí vida. I hurt you… and I am sorry to the depth of my soul."
The words seemed to move Todd, if only the smallest bit… his eyes moved to her mouth as if trying to see the words repeated. And in his growl, there was the barest thread of a whimper. Hurt. Wounded-ness. Téa sighed. "I am sorry. I am so sorry."
"I cannot hear these words," he rasped in her ear. "They mean nothing to me. They are as empty as you… because you have no fucking soul."
She reached up and touched his cheek with backs of her fingers and she saw again his eyelids dip. Sorrow. "I am sorry," she repeated. "Lo siento… mucho, mucho…"
He wanted to kill her. He wanted so much to do right back to her what she'd done to him and it made the screaming betrayal louder in his head. The noise was so loud he lifted his head and gasped at the madness of it. Then he looked back at her and the hurt was coming like a fucking hurricane and he didn't want to feel that because it was too hard, too real, too truthful. And right behind that, the sickness came, his reality. He whimpered again, this time more noisily and he tightened his grip on her.
"Todd… please hear me…"
"Let go, mí león. You do not want to hurt her. This was not her fault. I brought her here…"
"You don't know what she did to me," he murmured.
"She shot you because she was afraid for her children. She was afraid of you."
Rico was close enough to be felt and it took everything in Todd not to look at him… to not punch the shit out of him. But he couldn't take his eyes off unflinching Téa. He growled, "She is a cold betraying… cunt."
"A cunt you will love until you die," she whispered.
"I am dead already… so I don't fuckin' love you! I am done loving you!" He shook her as he said those words to hurt her and she shut her eyes as he did it.
But then… she said, "You lie, mí amor." And now her eyes swam, glossy mocha-browns on his…fingertips on his beard, "You are not dead. I see it in your kisses of Rico, how you hold him beneath you, and move so hard against him… my god…" Tears broke free and ran down her silky skin… "You are so very much alive."
In that second they saw each other. The truth of who they were. Their whole lives before today, before that night in the kitchen and blood ran hot out of his body… before everything became known... before… before…
Lucia laughed in his head in the early morning and Téa breathed I love you as he made love to her in their bed late at night. Learning her for real, learning to be free of Statesville. The wind flowed through the trees outside their bedroom window while wolves howled in the distance… then the scent of coffee and newspaper filled his nose as he woke, blissful home… true peace… the sun shined through the glass doors and Téa looked at him from the couch and smiled knowingly and said, "The baby, the baby is coming… we need to go…" and they raced to the hospital because Reese was fighting to get out… and she held his hand in the delivery room as she gritted her teeth and pushed that child out and she never screamed, never cried, just pushed with that earthy grunt of a billion women before her all the way to Eve… and said… "your boy is is going to be a king…like you…" And then she lay in that bed with the boy in her arms and she looked at him and said, "You… you are my love, my light, my everything..."
He believed in something back then… she believed in him.
"You left me," he whispered.
"I know," she said, the tears easy now. "I am sorry. But you… you left me, too."
He released her and stepped back, sitting on the bed, deflated, all his raging energy gone. She'd opened him up and he was bleeding from deep inside. She shouldn't have done that… he wished she hadn't done that. Pain stabbed at him, heroin sickness and intimate beloved misery, and it was only by the grace of God that he wasn't puking at his Delgado's feet. Perspiration prickled the back of his neck and he was fast disconnecting because god, god, he did not want to be here in this moment, in this place, in this life. He needed to be gone.
"Todd?"
"Blanco?"
Abram jumped on the bed and got close to him. But it wasn't enough to stop the flow. He looked down and ugly crazy-making memories washed up around his boots like the sea's tide. He could see Peter and Caro… rising from the current, grabbing at him now, taking him down...
Oh shit, he said, oh fucking shit.
He heard talking… words flying over him... they were hurried and intense and fast. He breathed in and out, in and out. Everything swept up in a tsunami of recall, and he saw the past around him, HD 3D real, ohhhh his mind's favorite hallucinations. Alive and fucking WELL. He could drown in them. He felt the linens in his hands, felt Abram… Abram… but then he knew he was fighting his attackers, kicking hard at them, uselessly fighting because he was only a child and he had no power in his punch.
Pain fired through him, his choking need for heroin racing in his head and veins and he knew he was puking now, vomiting every bit of bile inside of him. Someone held him, a tight unyielding grip… the shit coming up from the core of him. He felt like he was throwing up everything that had ever happened to him. Over and over and over.
"Fuck," he groaned, wanting just a little dope to end this. Yeah, he needed just a little… because Caro and Peter were tearing him up and he felt it… he felt everything. The bullets too, tearing through him, making him cough up blood, the taste of metal in his mouth. And he was fighting again, fighting for his life, because someone was holding him down and if he didn't fight he would die. But then the white surrounded him, insulating him, protecting him. A different white than before. A manufactured white. A powdered white. He gasped… an orgasm that happened in his head and rolled through him like the ocean. Ohhhhh….. he grabbed onto the salty current and just floated, feeling nothing. No hate, no anger, no love either. Just being.
He breathed… and sighed… and lived in the white now… thanking god… getting on his knees and thanking FUCKING GOD.
He felt warmth, a deep blissful warmth, and he opened his eyes just enough. The craziness was gone and oh shit… he knew it was heroin that had saved him because Raquel was on the bed next to him and he was stoned. She was holding his arm in hers and pressing on the crook of his elbow. Rubbing something there. But then he realized it wasn't only his elbow. She was wiping him down with a cool cloth all over and it felt so good. Up and down his arm, along his shoulder, across and down his chest and belly. She reached across him and he smelled her… delicious scent of sweet bread. He was lying back against Rico. In between his legs, head on his chest, the zipper of the purple jacket cold on his back.
Todd was well in the present now. Stretched out. No boots on, no socks… no shirt… jeans only. They'd stripped him.
Téa leaned on the dresser, hands back on the smooth wood, her head turned, eyes out the window. Her feet were crossed, her black dress to her knees, her boots beneath the hem. Her beautiful profile, luscious dark hair he knew the feel of. Her body was rounder...fuller… It was raining and street lights were shining and the drops could be seen. Falling glistening rhythmic light in the black. He turned his head just a little and could hear Rico's heartbeat.
Téa said in an even tone, in Spanish, "She moves when she hears his voice. She moves more here in Havana. Like she knows he's here. Madness. My own madness."
Raquel gazed at Todd, the smallest smile as she silently recognized his consciousness, and he looked back at her. She responded to Téa quietly, "It is probably true that she feels him, but I believe more that she feels you, and your feelings for him. Be careful… a mother's emotions will determine the child's personality."
"That's true," she said. "My son is exactly as we were when my husband returned from Statesville… he clings to me, seems to want to go back into my womb. He is afraid of the dark… but Lucia was conceived before he left for prison… after we found each other again… and she's excited to live life…"
Todd shuddered because now the cloth was too cold and it got Rico's attention. "You are awake," he said.
Téa turned back and saw him. "Are you okay, amor?"
Amor. Amor. Delgado was as insane as he was. He sighed, "I'm high. I was trying to get off… why am I high?" He moaned though because it felt delicious, rubbing his head against Rico. He felt his heat… warmth at the top of his head, around him. He felt so good… it all felt so good.
Raquel explained, "I had no choice, Blanco. You were seeing things, you were fighting… you were violently ill. Your heart was too strained… you needed calm. Téa said you have an uneven heart rhythm. You could not go on like that. We will try again tomorrow. No heroin."
"Easy for you to say."
Rico caressed Todd's wrist now, a touch that got Todd to look at him. To reach up and touch his face. To see if he was real, if any of this shit was real. He sighed in his heroin bliss... eyes back on Téa… on the falling rain.
Raquel got up and stepped over to Téa, placing a hand on her belly. She listened, felt about. Raquel smiled at her when the baby kicked. "The baby is well. Strong. She will be born sooner than you might expect. Perhaps she, too, will be like your Lucia. Eager for life. While you are here in Havana… come to me if you need any assistance." She glanced at Todd, then added, "He will be unhappy again tomorrow. I'll come back."
"Thank you…" Téa smiled sadly and hugged Raquel. Whispered thank you again. Raquel left the room, taking one last concerned study of Blanco before she shut the door.
The rain came down in an easy constant beat accompanied by a stream of water pouring out a spout. Distant rumbling could be heard and it sounded dark and foreboding. Todd watched the rain but drifted… a little pissed-off but never regretting the wonderment of heroin. Must have been bad for Raquel to dose him up. He didn't even want to know. He eyed Téa… and she shook her head at him. Amusement? He had no idea what would be so fucking funny.
"What you laughin' at?" He said, knowing his voice was rough, his words slanted in his dopey buzz.
"I'm not laughing, I'm smiling at you. At how relaxed you are. I haven't seen you this relaxed in… I don't know how long. You are… soothed."
Keeping focused was hard. He fought to stay awake. He turned and looked at Rico… at those dark eyes. "I was sick… did I make a mess?"
"No… you aim pretty good… hitting the bowl right. We called Raquel when the blood came."
Todd sighed again, eyes on the darkness. "What about Rolon… won't yo' dog be worried 'bout you, Delgado? It's way pas' yo' bedtime."
"I let him know I was safe. And Jed, too. I told them I was with you… and Rico. Rolon has no say anyway."
"Don't let her walk back alone, yeah?"
"She's staying here. Sleep, mí león. Let everything go. Sleep."
It was strange the power of suggestion. All his worries just disappeared. He did let everything go… he closed his eyes and drifted in the dark. Walked hand in hand with the Princess that once ruled his life and was threatening to rule it again.
Téa lay on her side, next to Todd who lay peacefully asleep. She had been looking at her husband for a long while, counting his even breaths, fingertips on his beard… he was truly resting, his mind no longer tormented. It was a strange place to be, here in the dark, next to him again after so long apart. She saw the bullet wounds… the scars. A rough reality for her. It had broken her to watch Raquel inject him in the bathroom, Todd kicking out on the tiles, fighting unseen attackers, blood on his lips from the intense retching, then crying out for the drugs to stop the crazy. He was sane enough to recognize that the world was spinning out of control and that he needed help. Rico held him down while Raquel tied him off, working to find a good vein. Even knowing he was getting dope hadn't stopped him from fighting.
Please, please, please… don't let them kill me… ohhhh yeah, ohhhh yeah….
Rico was on the other side of him, looking to be sleeping, too. He'd woken up at some point and like a sleep-walker, stripped his jacket and t-shirt and shoes. Fell back hard on the bed, beat. Lay now with his back to them both. Curled up on his side.
The rain danced outside, falling in intermittent showers. The thunder banged in the distance, the storm seeming to be moving closer. Lightning lit up the room every so often. A yellow streetlamp gave the room a ghostly feel and the humidity weighed down the air. She stretched on the bed like a cat before climbing out. Went to the bathroom. She took off everything. Took a fast shower, the water warm and relaxing. Todd was much sicker than she previously realized. She hadn't seen him that lost in his past since over ten years ago… right after his conviction for the kidnapping. It had frightened her to see him lose his sense of reality to that degree. Terrifying. To go from a moment of hating her… to sudden sadness… right to his mental illness. This was serious.
Rico had handled it well, calmly. Kept Téa out of the fight, worried for the baby. He was strong, like she knew. He could hold Todd and keep him in place. He was so patient...
Stay back, chica, he will hurt you… I can handle him.
She came back to the room… back in her knit dress, wishing for her suitcase. She stood a moment… the floor cold beneath her feet. She folded the rest of her clothes in a pile on the dresser. She needed to eat, her stomach growling. Esperanza was hungry. Raquel had said the kitchen was stocked so she headed downstairs. Sleep not possible. She thought of Rolon. God, he'd been furious with her and her repeated disappearing acts but she had stood her ground. Said she wanted to stay, she needed to stay.
I'm not afraid anymore, Rolon. He won't hurt me. I'll see you tomorrow.
Woman!
There were a few lights on, not enough to chase away ghosts but enough for her to be brave. She opened the refrigerator and pulled out a plate of empanadas, meat-filled pastries. She pulled the bottle of milk out. Sat at the table and ate silently. Drank right from the bottle. In the kitchen. Another kitchen so far away from her own. She tried not to think of things. A noise made her look up. The bathroom… water… someone was awake. She ate a little more… the water upstairs stopping. She heard a door. Heard footsteps.
Eyes up once more.
In the doorway leaned Todd, shirtless, jeans only. Bare feet. She could smell the good smell of the soap. And JESUS… she had to take a breath because there in the low light was the man she knew as her husband. Tall, strong, lean muscles, dark expression on his face. Damp hair hanging. His cut arms were crossed, tattoos beneath just as Jedediah had mentioned… boasting complete commitment to the Mambo Kings. His strength was in his posture… he could kill someone. But there in his eyes was the wounded panther, lips pressed tight. He had a lot to hide, a lot to share. This man… god…
"Eat with me," she said. "Talk to me. We haven't talked in a long time."
He didn't move for a minute, debating maybe, but then he dragged himself off the doorframe and sat at the table across from her. He brooded, picking at the empanada.
"How are you feeling," she asked. He didn't answer, just continuing his study of her, finally taking a bite of the pastry. He chewed slowly and god, Téa ached at it. He was mainlining heroin and so went his appetite. He ate like he would throw it up any second. Probably would. He took a drink of milk to help choke down the rest of the single bite.
Raggedly asked, "Why are you here?"
"I ran into Rico yesterday. We talked. He was so tired he fell asleep in my room. We had breakfast… ended up spending the afternoon together. He had something to show me. He said you wouldn't be here… the rest is history."
Todd eyed her, something unreadable on his face, "He slept in your room?"
Téa smiled… but then pulled back, covering with a swig of milk. "We didn't sleep together if that's what you're wondering."
"Haha very funny," he said quietly. He ran a finger on the plate. Eyed her again. There was so much in his gaze and Téa wanted to shake it out of him. She knew she couldn't. They needed time. This would take… time.
He swallowed. Wiped his mouth, eyes on the darkness beyond her. Asked, "How is the baby? How are you?"
"I'm okay, she is fine. A girl."
"I know. Jed told me. Esperanza."
"Yes."
"You should go home."
"I'm not going home until I know you are okay. Today… tonight, I learned you are not okay. You are sick. Like before… like the time you had to be in a hospital. You are the one who needs to go home."
He didn't argue. He sighed painfully… fingers on his closed eyes. He rubbed his hair. Now his expression told her more. "I remember things and they are making me crazy. But… I need to take care of shit before I leave here. Primarily, killing Manuel Caro and maybe Pedro Moreno… and every other fucker who works for them."
"You are on Juarez's radar. He is very upset. If you don't start cooperating, he's going to arrest you but I suspect that he'd consider shooting you on sight."
"Let him try. He'll just go the way of Caro and Moreno."
"Like that man… in the room… the one you strangled."
He paused. Ran his tongue slowly across his lower lip with cold dead eyes. "He had to die. He raped a little girl… in front of me. I had to kill him."
"Baby…"
"Don't. You did not SEE IT."
Téa ate another bite, studying him as she chewed, then swallowed. Yes, her husband could kill someone. Took another swig of milk. Breathed deeply. She reached across the table and when she tried to touch his hand, he jerked it back, a hard huff forced from him. He was immediately on guard. He was afraid and Téa could have cried.
"I'm sorry…," she said.
Tears welled in his eyes, surprisingly easy, and he said, admitted, "I don't trust you. And I still fucking hate you. You shot me… twice. Like once wasn't enough."
Téa nodded, her own hurt suddenly in her throat. "I know. Give us time, okay? Let me… prove… that you're safe."
He shook his head, "No, no, no… it's stupid. I am stupid. I know what happened. I get it. I know how scared you were of ME. I am the one to be afraid of… not you. I hate you… but I don't. Okay?" His breathing normalized. Asked what he'd been dreading to hear. "How is Lucia? Reese?"
Téa worked to not burst into tears… he needed the most calm she could offer. She smiled and nodded, covering up her own feelings. "They're beautiful, Todd. Growing… Reese is talking a lot more. He's changing. Lucia is… so tough. Smart. Reads the most books in her class. They're with Viki. They love her, you know. She loves them. Spoils them but not too much." She added. "They miss you. They know you are…. missing."
The clock in the kitchen ticked away. Loudly. Her words were terrible to hear. He was missing. He wondered where they thought he was. But that was it, wasn't it? He was nowhere. Missing. Into the night. He stared at the clock's hands… clicking the minutes. He startled when Téa suddenly was behind him. The high was still hitting him hard.
"Come to bed," she said. "I'll sleep in another room. You need to rest. Come."
He agreed and slowly got up. They climbed the stairs and she opened the door to his room and stood holding it open in the doorway. He gazed at her as he passed her, close to her… soap, rain... Rico hadn't moved, hugging the side of the bed. Todd sat, still watching her. So much in that look, speaking to their base original draw to each other. The thing that always got them. She had to go. They were in dangerous territory, despite his hate, despite his upset. The madness. When she turned to leave, running, flying away from him, he stopped her cold, grabbing her hand, up now, behind her. That viper grab. The touch… was electric. She breathed out hard. She didn't look at him. Couldn't.
"Don't leave me," he rasped.
"Todd…"
"Please…," he said, "I am… in a strange scary place, Delgado."
"I know," she said, barely a voice coming.
He pulled her closer to him, an arm all the way across her chest. With his other hand, he reached down, crawling up her dress. Sighed when he hit her hip, bareness.
She fought it… she did…
"Just lie with me," he said.
She resisted his request… but then she gave in, the way Rico had given in… getting into the bed. He pulled her down, pulled her hard into him, powerfully…wrapping his arms around her, again her back to his chest.
He whispered, his breath hot in her ear… the smell of soap… water… the rain.. "Why are you here?"
There was no answer.
"Why… are… you here?"
He kissed her neck and pressed her to him, his hand beneath her breast. She couldn't help herself, sighing louder than she meant to, arching her back, her foot hooking his leg. He touched her under her dress, moving his hand up… and Téa gasped and held his hand to stop him. Some sense coming to her. She could feel him trembling… or maybe that was her.
"No," she breathed, his hand in hers, still under her dress. "We are not ready for this. You are so not ready… Rico is not ready. He loves you…"
She'd stabbed him with that one. Killed the moment. He grunted and turned over onto his back, all touching gone. Said emotionlessly, "He would beg to differ… on the love thing." He grew quiet, holding onto his high, the fuzzy thinking, the easy being. Then after a bit he said in a dreamy voice, "I'm… I'm… shit is weird. Confusing. Everything confuses me. You used to be the only thing I understood."
"I know," she whispered, fighting tears, "and I know what I did to that… to your trust."
She lay there in the hushed rainy rumbling dark until she heard his even breathing. She turned over onto her side to watch him again. A long while she studied him, thankful for dreamless sleep. It WAS crazy to be here. She couldn't explain why she was here other than seeking her own redemption. In the little light of the room, she suddenly realized Rico was awake and sitting up against the pillow. Watching her. He was expressionless. Saying nothing. He looked at her too hard, too steadily.
Lightning struck and lit up the room, followed by a loud crack of thunder. Louder than everything so far and Todd jerked awake, breathing hard, unnerved by the storm. He lay a long while as the rain pounded out the window. Then as if he didn't see Téa, as if he forgot she was the warmth next to him, he suddenly reached for and pulled Rico down for a kiss. It was soft and lingering. Rico bit his lip, pulling back, releasing him. A hand rested on Todd's chest.
"We are not alone, mí león," Rico whispered.
As if he didn't hear, Todd took Rico's hand and gently pulled it down to his crotch. He never left Rico's face. "Touch me," he said.
"We are not alone." Rico pulled his hand back…
"I know. Touch me anyway."
Rico glanced at Téa and she said nothing. Todd was not ready for her… she was not ready for him. But...he needed to be reminded he was alive. He had needed to be reminded of it since he'd found Rico earlier. She knew this. Her silence was acquiescence.
"Are you sure, mí león?"
"Touch me… tell me not to be afraid."
Rico was the one who was afraid. He panted a bit. He ran his hand down Todd's belly, touching the hair that flared above his jeans. He swallowed. "Touch me," Todd said again. Rico unbuttoned the first button… eyes on Téa. Her brown eyes were on his. Her husband was breathing unevenly now. Rico moved to the second button… then the third. Todd grabbed his hand, to stop him…asked in Spanish...
"Tell me not to be afraid."
Rico wanted to do it… he wavered between compliance and running out the door. But when he looked at Blanco, at that desperate need for understanding…when he saw Téa's calm… her curious eyes… patient eyes… her fearlessness…
"Do not be afraid because there is nothing to be afraid of. You are asking me… you want this… nobody is making you do this."
"It's nothing like before…"
"It is nothing like before."
That uneven breath caught Téa… caught her hard. In what way she couldn't say… jealousy, excitement, seeing him this way… She laid her hand on his stomach…feeling the rise and fall beneath. His warm skin. Almost like the black of his tattoo had its own heat. She touched him in case maybe he had forgotten her, but he didn't adjust his desire. He even glanced at her for a second or two. Rico undid another button and slipped his hand inside and Todd rocked his head back and gasped almost imperceptibly…
"Don't be afraid…" Rico repeated in English. "This is your choice… you are in control of whoever touches you. You own it."
"My choice," Todd breathed.
Still on her side, Téa moved her leg on top of Todd's leg, needing to relieve the pressure of the baby… wanting to offer what little she could. Todd put his hand on her and pulled her leg higher on him. Bringing Téa closer to him. Rico spit on his hand and stroked Todd's cock and Téa heard him grunt softly, huff at each slide of his palm. Rico moved slowly and tenderly. Gentle… gentle… Todd wasn't fully hard yet but he slowly moved his hips up, up into Rico's hold of him. He huffed and reached down to push his jeans lower… Téa moved so he could kick them off and when he did, he was now gloriously naked in the night's light and she nearly cried at how much she missed his scarred strong beautiful body. He pulled her to him again, getting her bent leg on him, getting her close.
Rico slid down, stretching out across the foot of the bed, and eyed Todd… maneuvered himself in between Todd's legs… put his mouth on his cock and Todd bit his lip and again, slowly lifted his hips. He unconsciously grabbed Rico's hair. Watched the languid bob of his head. Todd licked his lips. When Rico pulled away, Todd had stiffened, his cock hard and glistening in the low light. It disappeared into Rico's mouth again. He glancing at Téa … the edge of spite on his features… but then it was gone. He was high and relaxed and willing…
He watched Rico, the tip of his cock in his mouth… his hand around the shaft, moving from the balls…the mouth a pleasurable repeating kiss. The pop of the suction, a kiss, a kiss...
"Tell me again…," Todd groaned.
"Do not be afraid… I am not doing anything you don't want."
"I want this… I want this… fuck…"
Téa couldn't help it, seeing his sexuality so raw, so uncovered, she pressed her lips against Todd's and he kissed her back, kissing her hard, moving his cock into Rico's mouth, his hand on Rico's hand, encouraging him to stroke him while sucking him. Todd moaned into Tea's mouth...against her lips. His knee bent… falling open… he wanted more. He held Téa at his side, pressing her body firmly to him. She found herself excited… wet and hot against his body… and she lifted herself, raising the dress and getting on his thigh, on top of him… her wetness on his skin. She wanted the pressure, the friction. She wanted to feel him beneath her. The idea that she was wetting his skin made her shiver. She squeezed into Todd's grip of her. Her leg rubbed against Rico… her tongue deep in Todd's mouth… as she rocked her hips against him, a hand on the sheets, the other on his chest, holding herself up… and yet not up… so close to him.
He groaned and Rico did too… because he had his own cock in his hand and was jerking himself… his jeans lost a long time ago, needing to come, needing to feel this. Hanging on to Téa by her ass, keeping her on top him, her delicious wet cunt on his thigh, Todd got his hand behind Rico's head, holding him hard by the hair down in between his spread legs. He fucked Rico's mouth, thrusting into it, getting a little faster. Téa held him, rolling on his thigh, using his rhythm selfishly… breathing fast onto his neck. Whispering, "My beautiful man… my beautiful husband… you are so very much alive…fearless… safe…nobody can hurt you…"
She rubbed herself on his strong leg, moaning, needy and open, bucking faster because he'd gotten his fingers inside of her, how stealthily he'd done that … and soon she was coming, her voice sweet and hot and familiar and full of that desperate love that Todd lived for, before, before... and just as she did, groaning with her orgasm, Todd kissed her frantically, saying, "I love you… I fucking love you…"
But then he let go of her, lips parting in a silent gasp… as Téa slid to the side of him… watching him as he pumped into Rico's skilled mouth, his legs and ass working to chase the come… Rico's hands on his hips, making him hotter, needier, until Todd groaned… "fuck…," his head arching back… his whole body shaking with his heated orgasm… ejaculating into Rico's mouth… Rico taking every bit of it… never rejecting it…open, open...
Before Todd had a moment, Rico scrambled up to kiss Todd, landing firmly on him, moaning, "Do you taste yourself… do you see how good it is…mi león precioso…" and while Todd was letting himself do just that, kissing and tasting… Rico shifted his hips and grabbed Téa's hand and made her touch him… which she did, stroking Rico's cock… a beautiful thing… looking at Rico straight on as he kissed her husband… and her eyes were warm and accepting and she knew well how to do it… and a breathless Todd broke the kiss and watched her… and Rico's spasms soon shook him hard, spilling over Téa's fingers and Todd's hair at his cock… and he shuddered, pressed against his lion… with the lioness saying, "oh Rico...you are beautiful… my god…"
Rico fell on Todd once again, kissing him… kissing him solidly… his hand on Téa, around her, pulling her close. Finding it hard to recover… hard still… wanting more, wishing for more… so he just got on top, hands flanking Todd, and humped him in plain, blunt pursuit. Cock to cock, the way they always did. Todd grunted at the harshness, got caught in that… his hand at the nape of Rico's neck… all focus on the intensity of his mari…and Téa saw the shadow of smile… and heard him whisper hotly, freely, "Lemme see you come… "
… and that did it… Rico groaned at the loosed heat. Todd put his arms up, sharp eyes on Rico… not letting go because he wanted to see… watched, watched, taking as much as Rico needed to get to his end, whatever it took, and then… and then his lover was coming a second time… moaning, "Fuck, fuck, fuck…," wetness pulsing onto Todd's chest… Rico jerking his hips, his chin up, eyes closed, body lit by the yellow light… he rocked until there was nothing left… and then collapsed finally next to him…
The rain then slammed Havana again, a loud rush of water banging the metal gutters, and the window crashed open against the wall… far more open than before… and Todd turned to Téa, his heart racing, breathing fast… and whispered raggedly, "Oh my fucking god…. oh… shit."
And she knew he was afraid again and she held him close, lips at his ear, "Don't be afraid, mí amor… don't ever be afraid of who you are. I love you. I love you… I love you…"
To be continued….
