A/N: How did everyone like the Deadpool appearance? Don't worry you'll see more of him. Only two chapters this week. Don't want to spoil you guys too much ;) Hope you like it!

Disclaimer: I do not own Marvel, Disney, ABC or the Avengers. Just Sera and my own personal chaos in this story.


The next evening...

"Can you pass me the butter? And I want both of you to spank me tonight." I said straight-faced at the dinner table. Steve stood stock still, trying to figure out if I actually said what I did, and Bucky was choking on his mashed potatoes.

"Uh," Steve said, glancing at Bucky with wide eyes.

"Sure ангел," Bucky coughed out, and took a drink of water.

"I've been thinking," I said, as Steve and Bucky continued feeding the kids.

"That's dangerous," Steve teased, and I narrowed my eyes at him.

"We are getting close to Christmas, and I want a big celebration this year. Last year, we had a small one with just us and whoever was there at SHIELD, and the years before, I didn't really get Christmas because of what I did."

"I've never spent a single Christmas with my whole family. And I think it would be a good team bonding time. What do you guys say?" I asked, and they both looked at each other.

"As long as it doesn't interrupt with training, and no missions pop up, I'm good with that." Steve said, rubbing my knee under the table.

"I'm behind you ангел," Bucky winked, smirking over at our mess-makers.

"I want a good first Christmas for them. One that I never got," I said softly.

"We understand, and we want that too," Steve said, as Bucky and him looked over the table at one another.

"Well, I'll get started on planning as soon as we get back to base tomorrow." I smiled forcefully, masking my pain that I hid in my heart. The guys shared a look again and I said, "I'm going to get your dessert. Be right back."

"Angel, Doll, tell me what's wrong." Steve said as he came into the kitchen, and as I whipped the whipping cream for our dessert.

"Nothing," I said softly, looking up at the clock.

"Oops, bedtime," I said cheerfully, as I went to scoop my little ones out of their high chairs. I busied myself with getting the kidlets ready for bed, and by the time they had fallen asleep, I knew I had no more excuses to hide from the guys. I went downstairs and finished off the whip cream, bringing out fresh double chocolate chip brownies and a tub of vanilla ice cream with the whip cream.

"Who wants what?" I said, starting to dish out brownies.

"Sera, please sit." Bucky said softly.

"You've been acting strange. Ever since you went out to meet that merc, you've been off. You haven't been your happy self."

"Steve, I'm fine. Can we please just eat dessert and then go to bed?"

"No Sera, you need to tell us what going on in your head, because unlike you, we can't force it out of your head."

"It's not force, it coercion." I said, in a clipped tone. I stopped dishing and said, "I'm sorry, that was rude and uncalled for."

"So was mine. I'm sorry." Steve said, gently.

"What did he say?" Bucky asked.

"It's not something he said, but something I said. I mentioned how twitchy I got if I didn't use my swords for strictly defense sometimes, and how he must feel like a kid on Christmas morning after the month of killing he's had."

"You get twitchy."

"I'm not proud of it, but sometimes, I like the feeling." I said, my hands shaking as I said the words.

"Oh, Sera." Bucky said, sliding his chair closer to mine. I recoiled from his touch once, and then he forcefully took my hands.

"You aren't alone in that." He said, tilting my head up to look into his eyes.

"I get flashbacks, as you both know, but what I don't say is the feelings they bring as well. A certain part of me liked it, as horrible as it was, and as horrible as it felt to be used as a killing machine. I liked the power, even when I was technically powerless."

"After Bucky fell," Steve said, looking at his bottle of beer, "My whole outlook on fighting changed."

"I told Erskine the truth at the World of Tomorrow Expo. "I don't want to kill anyone. I don't like bullies, I don't care where they are from." And then Bucky fell, and I told Peggy, "I'm not gonna stop till all of Hydra is dead or captured." I was getting my revenge, and for awhile, it felt good."

"Oh Steve, you never told me that." I said softly.

"I was in a dark place. It's why I crashed the plane. Even with the promise of Peggy and the life we could have had, it was nothing to the crippling loss I felt for Bucky. So I lied to Peggy. I could have put it down, I could have disabled the bombs, I could have done a lot of things, but I chose to die, because that was my escape from the pain."

"Steve," Bucky said, emotion caught in his throat.

"I may have wanted to kill all of Hydra, but I didn't want to live another day without you." Steve said, and I felt the weight of his love for Bucky.

"And then I woke up to an Angel," Steve said looking at me softly.

"And boy was she dangerous for my heart," He joked, taking my hand, and wiping a tear from my cheek. I didn't realize I was crying until he did that, and I wiped my eyes, furious of the show of emotion.

"I knew the second I woke up that it meant something. I could have survived that fall. And for a while, I didn't want to forgive myself for not coming after you Bucky. But I don't regret anyone I've killed in the process to get you back." Steve said, as I dug into my brownie and ice cream.

"Well, I don't seem to be a part of this, so I'm going to go clean up." I said softly to myself, taking my bowl and moving to the kitchen. Putting the dishes away in the dishwasher, starting it and scrubbing the pots form tonight's meal, I muttered to myself about things I had to do before we left tomorrow.

"Finish laundry, throw away perishables, take garbage out, pack the kids clothes. I can just thrown ours in a suitcase and deal with it at base," I said softly to myself as I walked towards our room, grabbing the basket, I started throwing t-shirts and worn jeans into it, still muttering to myself about my to do list.

"Ma'am," ARSENAL said as I finished putting the laundry in.

"What is it A?" I said, moving to the kids room to pack their bags.

"Captain Rogers and Sergeant Barnes have requested your presence in the living room."

"Tell them I'm in the middle of something, and I will be there in 10 minutes."

"Yes Ma'am." The AI replied. I packed quickly, not minding that I would have to refold and sort back at base. My mind was on the laundry I would have to change over in 40 minutes.

"ARSENAL, I need the expense report for the last month. And then I need to speak to Loki about the horses."

"Ma'am, Captain Rogers has asked me to refrain from giving you access to work for the evening. This includes reports, access to the mainframe, and locking you out of changing his command with a command override." She said, and my eye twitched in irritation.

"Do I still have the right to speak to Loki about my horses?" I said, closing the twins suitcase and walking towards the living room.

"He has also asked me to suspend video transmissions to Avengers Base."

"Oh, I am going to kick his star spangled ass for locking me out of my own syst….em," I said, as I angrily walked into the living room, to find a blanket set out before the fireplace, with pillows propping the guys up, as they sat in their underwear.

"We made you a love nest," Bucky said softly, blushing as I stood with a scowl on my face.

"And you had to lock me out of the system to get me down here." I said, looking at Steve.

"Sera, we realized something. We were unfair when we started talking about each other, when it was you we were worried about in the first place." Steve said, beckoning me to sit down between them. I continued to stand, wanting more of an explanation.

"You were upset because you said you liked killing people sometimes. While I don't understand that feeling, Bucky does, and I want to understand what you are going through. Explain it to us please." He said and I sighed, sitting down in between them.

"How shall I explain it?" I said, shucking my t-shirt off and shimming my leggings off.

"When you were a kid, and your mom used to bake you sweets, did you ever try and take one without her permission?"

"Yes," Bucky chuckled. Steve nodded shyly, clearly not always the good boy he personified.

"And you thought to yourself, "Wow, that was so good. I love the taste of it. Maybe just one more…" And soon you ate the whole cookie jar. You didn't care because they were so amazing, and mouthwatering. Soon you couldn't get enough of it, and you purposefully seek them out, snatching every sweet you can find, cause it fills that need, that craving." I said softly.

"I honestly thought I could forget the feeling, until I shot Malick's bodyguard. I forgot I loaded and brought my Glock. I was using ICER's and shock sticks for almost two years before that. Except on the Helicarrier, I was being attacked by one of Loki's henchman and I had to split him down the middle to stop him."

"I'm okay. I just need to clear my head." I sighed, closing my eyes.

"Hey, no more talk of this tonight. You asked us for something earlier tonight, and I would love to make good on it," Steve said, after a few moments of silence.

"I've been a bad girl, and I need to be punished," I breathed as the guys hands wandered over my body.

"Oh, yes!" I moaned as I was pulled across Bucky's lap.

"I'll be light with my left hand babe, but let us know. You know the word."

"Red," I said softly as Steve pulled my panties off slowly, exposing me.

"One," I panted lightly as the first smack sounded. I heard it before I felt it.