'Is that why you have PTSD?' Elio asked, months later when they'd returned from the winter break.

'What do you think?' Peter replied coldly.

What their relationship had lost in frostiness, it had gained in awkwardness immediately following the night Peter had told him about the accident. They'd entered that uncomfortable phase Elio had shared many a time with his straight male friends, where he'd witnessed a vulnearable moment but now had to carry on as though such a thing had never happened to save face. Christ, masculinity was exhausting. Once again they were lying in bed when this conversation occured as though the only way they could speak openly was when eye contact was impossible.

'What about that video? Has that got anything to do with it?' Elio asked, knowing how nosey he was being, but too curious not to ask.

Peter sighed. 'Juries still out on that one, officially.'

'But unofficially?'

'You'd think I'm nuts if I told you.'

'I won't judge.'

'You will, trust me.'

Elio relented, they fell into a silence, he turned over, closed his eyes and drifted off, forgetting about it.

It became a friendship of sorts, as spring began to near. They talked more, moving from a tolerance of each other to a more genuine connection. Sometimes they played videogames together, watched a movie. Though he'd never admit it; Elio got the feeling Peter felt a little lighter having shared his secret. Elio understood now whenever he had could be considered 'an episode' and was willing to help him through it. One day he even told him about Oliver.

'Do you still talk?'

Elio shook his head. 'We thought it would be better if we didn't. I didn't want to be facebook friends and just send each other memes every now and then.'

Peter laughed, 'You look him up though right?'

'So I can torture myself looking at pictures of him with his wife? No thanks.'

'I wish I had your willpower. I still have a look at what Bridget's doing sometimes. Not like, a lot, but every now and then.'

Elio nodded, internally annoyed that Peter could think a petty school boy crush was in anyway comparable to the romance he'd had, but he kept this to himself.

It surprised them both when it happened, as neither of them had any intention, certainly not Peter who had never considered himself anything other than entirely straight. Elio had been rearranging his bookshelf when Peter sat back from his laptop, muttering 'fuck,' under his breath.

'What happened?' Elio asked.

'I failed another assignment. Have to repeat in the summer.'

'That sucks, what went wrong?'

Peter shrugged. 'I don't know. Shit, Dad's gonna be pissed.'

'He'll understand.'

'Unlike Mom who'll think I'm doing it on purpose so I don't have to come home this summer,' he said, getting up and plonked onto his bed, he sat, hunched over and staring at the ground.

'Wanna play Mortal Kombat?' Elio asked, having learned that vintage video games tended to have the affect of cheering Peter up.

He shook his head. 'I need to study so I don't get kicked out of this stupid place,' he said, then made no effort whatsoever to move.

Elio picked up a load of dusty books, finding an old sock puppet he'd been given by Mafalda last Hanukkah squashed beneath them. He put the books down and put the puppet on his hand, turning to Peter with it. He touched his index finger to this thumb, then parted them, giving the effect of the puppets mouth opeing and closing. He then wound his hand towards Peter, as though the puppet was swimming his his direction.

'You just gonna sit there and mope while there's a perfectly annoying kids toy right in front of your face?' Elio said, waving the puppet around, opening its mouth before Peter's face.

The other boy rolled his eyes but smiled despite himself.

Elio sat down beside him, making the puppet kiss his cheek.

'Remember Bridget? Well this is her hotter older sister who just happens to want a piece of you,' Elio joked, making the puppet kiss Peter once more.

Peter gently swatted the puppet away a with grin. Elio lowered his hand upon seeing it had had the desired effect. He looked at his friend, really noticing for the first time that he was handsome enough when he took better care of himself. His brain had taken a vacation when he leaned over and pecked Peter's lips. Stranger still was the other boys reaction, he simply sat, then turned his head towards Elio, eyes falling from his eyes back down to his lips, as if daring him to do it again.

So he did, for longer this time, and not a peck but a proper kiss.

They didn't break apart for a while, probably because if they did they'd realise the insanity of this situation.

Elio moved lowered his mouth to Peter's neck, his hands too wandering further south.

'Wait,' Peter said, making him pause. 'I've never-'

Elio cut across to save him the embarrassment. 'I know you've never been with a guy before, it's ok.'

'No I- I've never been with anyone,' Peter admitted, surprising him. He tried to hide this, but got the feeling he was failing. His roomate blushed with embarrassment.

'I probably would have been if everything hadn't gone to shit.'

'It's alright,' Elio said, suddenly aware of who this was and how awkward this was bound to get afterwards. But if the awkwardness was inevitible then he at least wanted to get some kind of pleasure out of it first. 'I mean, if you still want to-'

Peter answered him with a kiss.

It got weird afterwards; neither of them knowing how to behave. It occured to Elio that maybe Peter didn't need to question his sexuality on top of everything else he was dealing with. Elio didn't want a relationship, that much was clear; and certainly not with someone he roomed with. It wasn't like it had been with Oliver, and of course he'd known that would be the case; but it still surprised him somehow. So he and Peter carried on as normal, or as close to normal as they could seem to manage; though some nights one or the other of them would crawl into the other's bed.

This was nothing like love, Elio knew when he lay next to Peter, getting to be the big spoon for once which he never could with Oliver, breathing in the scent of him, running his hands through his dark, curly hair. Need described it more accurately. Though more than a year had passed, Elio could still find himself with an acute sense of heartbreak when he thought about Oliver and how the two of them could never go back to what they'd had. He didn't want to fall in love again in some ways, as if it would be a betrayal to the memory to feel that way about someone else. But the sense of loneliness was much worse than it had ever been before he'd known Oliver to begin with. Sometimes he just needed someone to fill that void; the same way Peter just needed someone to care about and listen to him.

'So what happened?' Marzia asked. 'Does it always have to end in tragedy for you?'

Elio smiled, that glum, sad smile.