A/N: Dearest readers, I'm still alive. I'm just terribly bad at writing nonstop. I might need a beta. Never had one, but maybe I should. Also considering starting a Tumblr blog just to keep me motivated and keep y'all updated on this story. What d'ya think? I would like to say thank you for the reviews for my last chapter though! I read each one and loved them all! Nothing motivates me more than reviews!

EDIT: I made a tumblr to track my progress: usagigorawr/tumblr/com. Replace slashes with periods. Link can also be found in profile!


Wrinkles and Diapers

Chapter 11: Elder-napping and Omelet Rice(?)


Letha Smith was very unhappy. She would like it to be on record that she never said she wanted Trafalgar Law's payment for the herbs to be a vacation. She'd also like it to be on record that this vacation was quite clearly a kidnapping... an adult-napping? Elder-napping? Either way, this was not how she planned her adventure-mission to start. Things were boding rather ill indeed.

She muttered all of this to herself as she sat meditatively in the dark and dusty closet they left her in next to the kitchen. If she looked on the bright side, at least the 'guest room' was private. On the other hand, the room was filled with cleaning supplies that were entirely too clean. That said a lot about the state of the submarine's cleanliness in general. She honestly wasn't surprised.

Letha sneezed. The result was a flurry of dust that made her sneeze even worse. She was beginning to get fed up with her temporary home. She had also finally gathered the courage to leave her closet for the world outside. Letha's joints groaned as she stood up to open the closet. The light was blinding for a moment, but then her eyes adjusted and she realized several white boiler-suited pirates in the kitchen were staring at her.

She closed the door. Then sneezed. She opened the door again. Her eyes adjusted more quickly now. They were still staring at her.

"H-Hello there, youngsters." Letha tried. One of them was crunching on a raw carrot. "I'll just um, leave you to your chores." Then she quickly scooted past them into the corridor.

Back in the kitchen, one pirate said to another, "Did we always have an old lady on board?"

"Captain brought her onboard just now from Primavera island."

"Huh." He chewed thoughtfully. "Should she be allowed to roam the submarine?"

The other pirate shrugged. "Probably not. Buuuuut not like she can escape anyways, we're submerged. The captain should probably know though- oh and it's his turn to cook again."

Both pirates paled. It was that time of month. Why they even let him cook was beyond them.


Law watched the door close behind the boiler-suited crew mate after the timely report. He had not forgotten about the ninety-something year old horticulturist aboard the submarine. If anything he was waiting to see what she would do. Live entertainment, if you will. However, he had more important matters at the moment.

After tending to the injured crew mates from their battle with Berry Good, Law adjourned to his office. Walking towards his private collection of medical books and journals, he pulled out some logbooks he managed to acquire from some accommodating pirate crews. You see, the Heart Pirates did not make it this far in the Grand Line from pure luck. Knowledge was power after all. This was something Law had to learn very early in his life. Information acquisition, planning, problem solving, adapting - Law was a methodical and clever man. He'd be damned if he let his crew die from a poorly informed plan. Nor could he let himself die either, he had a man to kill after all.

The next island was estimated to only be a day away. From his crew's report, the next island was called Ayatsuri island. It was an island even the marines were wary of. Which meant it was an island the Heart Pirate's could not just enter without any foreknowledge. Yet even the logbooks he had taken- received from other crews had nothing on the island in question. As another pirate would say, it was a mystery island.

There was knocking at the door.

"Come in."

"Captain!" His furry navigator exclaimed as he entered. "We're right on course for Ayatsuri island! But we're much closer than was last anticipated."

"Closer?"

"Six hours away."

"What?" Law exclaimed. "How is that possible?" He looked up from his logs, only to notice Bepo was carrying something. Or rather someone.

"Ms. Rose Rosemary Smith." Law acknowledged. "Perhaps you can enlighten us about this matter."

Letha was being held from the waist like a sack of potatoes at Bepo's side. On one hand, she was quite comfortable pressed up against his warm and soft side. On the other, she was utterly humiliated being caught so easily by the admittedly adorable polar bear. She had been sneaking along a corridor trying to find an exit when she happened on another pirate. However, this pirate was the famed and furry navigator of the Heart Pirates! Letha wondered how he managed to draw maps without opposable thumbs.

He had just left the navigation room when he stopped to sniff the air, turning towards her direction. Too little too late, Letha was caught and declared his subordinate. The next thing she knew she was facing Trafalgar bloody Law himself, the elder-kidnapper.

Letha lifted her head up from her position as a sack of potatoes to stare at the pirate captain.

"I have nothing to say to you pirate."

Then she slumped back into her default position.

There was a pause. Bepo shifted from one foot to the other.

"Ms. Rosemary, let me rephrase my request into an order." Law stated, leaning back into his chair and clasping his hands together. "You will tell me everything you know about Ayatsuri island." He nodded to Bepo, and the polar bear dropped her onto the floor.

Letha groaned from the splat. "Oww- pirates! Not even capable of treating an elder with respect." Boy she was really driving this old person angle home. She always knew she was an old soul on the inside.

"Respect is earned." He said, "Now tell me what you know."

Letha sat on her haunches and grumbled. "Ayatsuri island is not an island I am familiar with, Captain Trafalgar."

Law raised a brow. "Really? You are unfamiliar with a neighboring island to your home?"

Letha nodded. "We living on Primavera island do not take an interest in the islands around us. We are not necessarily isolationists, we simply tend to our own and keep to our own." But not everyone was like that on Primavera. Letha thought briefly about her siblings and the sailors at port before she continued, "So I'm afraid I cannot help you here."

Law settled into quiet thought. It was odd to be unfamiliar with a neighboring island, but it wasn't unheard of. Many civilians were content to live quiet lives in their tiny bubbles. That was only one example of the differences between pirates and civilians. Law breathed out in resignation. She didn't seem to be lying either. Nothing useful would come from this old bird regarding this.

He stood and motioned to Bepo, who hefted Letha up again under his arm. "It's time for dinner."

"Hey! Must you pick me up like this?" She cursed, dangling at his side once again.

"Yes." Bepo and Law said together, because Bepo worried her skinny bone legs wouldn't hold her up and Law simply found it amusing.

"Captain, it's your turn to cook." Bepo said as they walked to the mess hall.

"Yes, I was informed."

Letha turned her head to stare in disbelief. "Why does the captain cook too?"

Bepo explained in defense of his crew's rules. "Everyone shares duties equally on a rotating basis. Some duties are assigned permanently, but cooking is one of the rotating ones since we don't have a cook yet." Bepo smiled proudly, "And the captain does his fair share too!" It was what made the crew respect him even more, though secretly everyone wished he wouldn't when it came to cooking.

"I don't cook though." Bepo elaborated, a gloomy air circling overhead. "They didn't think raw fish was appetizing." Letha could see how that might be a problem, especially with the shedding. Also the opposable thumbs. How did he even manage?

Once they entered the mess hall, Bepo dropped her onto a bench and Law proceeded to the kitchen. Letha sat warily as one by one the crew entered the mess hall. She was mostly ignored, besides a couple curious stares, until Penguin entered and sauntered up to sit next to her.

"Enjoying your hard-earned vacation, granny?"

Letha could only give him a withering stare. "Not likely. This is an elder-napping you know."

Penguin shrugged. "Loosen up granny, we won't hurt you. We may be pirates, but we won't find joy in killing a helpless grandma like you. And we don't plan to starve you either."

Letha could only grimace weakly. Then she scrunched her nose. "Do you smell something burning?"

Penguin paled. "That would be the captain's cooking. Shachi's lucky he has to keep watch right now. At least he can escape this torture."

"Is it that bad?" Letha wondered in vague interest. She had to admit she was curious. Not many could say they had the opportunity to eat a pirate captain's cooking.

Penguin nodded towards the kitchen. "You'll see."

Captain Trafalgar Law rang the bell to signal the crew the food was ready.

Letha remained where she sat, entirely uncomfortable to be surrounded by boiler suited pirates. It was like she was in some kind of strange twilight zone. She would never have thought to be in such a situation. Before she could even snap herself out of it, Penguin did it for her when he placed a plate of something in front of her. He also gave her a glass of water.

"Bottoms up granny, you'll need it." Then he bravely dug into his burnt dinner.

Letha stared at the plate, poking at it with a fork. On the other side of her, the pirate captain himself sat down with his own plate.

"Eat up, and waste not. Consider it part of your payment." He said.

Letha watched him take a forkful of his own creation. His expression was carefully blank.

"What did you make, pirate captain... sir?" She looked at her plate dubiously.

"Omelet Rice." Oh, now that he mentions it she can see a sprig of parsley*.

Her stomach growled. Letha could not deny that she was hungry. But was this really the way she wanted to die? All around her, the crew was chugging water and shoveling the dinner down as if they were trying to get it over with.

Well sustenance was sustenance. Who knew when she would eat again? Letha Smith would like it to be on record that if this was the way she would die, at least it wasn't from being eaten by a polar bear.

So she took a bite.


*Ancient Greeks believed it was a hellish herb that denoted death.

Annnd that's it for now. I have plans for a next chapter, but knowing me I'll get distracted by something. Usually another story I'm writing that isn't set in the fanfiction world.

Review and tell me your thoughts!