A/N: So...I've been having some trouble with this fic. Not as far as figuring out where I want it to go, but how I want it to get there. So after several false starts, this is where it's at. There may be a few things concerning the 5 years of Ezra's absence that don't quite make sense, but have faith—or suspend disbelief and just enjoy the fluffy parts, whichever works for you.
Plans
Ezra shot up in bed, eyes scanning the darkness for a threat he could hardly remember now as the nightmare quickly faded. His breathing was rapid and shallow, muscles trembling, body damp with sweat. He focused hard on orienting himself to the present and his surroundings. He could feel the slight dip of the mattress beneath his hands, cool air on his face, the blankets tangled up with his legs; he could hear rain on the rooftop, the creak of metal as the tower swayed in the wind, the sound of Sabine's soft, sleep-slow breaths; he could smell the spiced sweetness of her lotion on her skin and the bitterness of an abandoned cup of caf sitting on his nightstand; he reminded himself that he was here, he was safe, and so was she.
On his way to calm now, Ezra was almost ready to lay back down and try to sleep again, but anxiety nagged at him until he had to be sure Sabine was alright. Gently, he brushed the backs of his fingers against the side of her neck. Her skin was warm and soft and he could feel the steadiness of her pulse. Relief surged and tears pricked his eyes. He held his head in his hands, struggling to maintain composure.
Beside him, Sabine stirred. She must have reached over to turn on her lamp, because the room was suddenly flooded with a dim light. She sat up, looking at him with heavy-lidded eyes. She said his name quietly before she scooted close and put her arm around him. He only barely flinched as she touched him. She waited for the tension to ease between his shoulder blades before she said, "What do you need?"
"Just this," he sighed. "You."
She threaded her fingers through his hair, fingernails grazing his scalp. "A nightmare?"
The sound of her voice, roughened by sleep and close to his ear, made him forget for a moment whether his heart was pounding from adrenaline left over from the dream or a surge of pure want as Sabine leaned into his side. Maybe it was both. "Yeah."
"Was it bad?" Her eyes narrowed and he knew she was ready to catch him in a lie if she needed to.
"By the time I woke up, it was gone. Couldn't remember," he answered truthfully. "Just the...panic was leftover."
She nodded, tightening her hold on him. "You're safe. I'm safe. We're alright."
He wanted to say I know but what he blurted instead was: "Don't you get tired of this?"
The subtext Because I do; I'm tired of seeing you wake up in the middle of the night worried about me was almost as clearly heard as the rain on the roof.
Moving so that she was sitting on her knees in front of him, Sabine framed his face in her hands. "No, cyar'ika," she said tenderly. "Never."
Her eyes were warm and so full of compassion—it was overwhelming. Ezra kissed her forehead and then pulled her to him, laying down. He could feel her heart beat against his chest and his breathing eventually slowed to match hers, lulling him back into drowsiness. Her weight and closeness kept him grounded. It wasn't the first time they'd spent the night like this. It wasn't the first time he'd woken in a panic, or even the twentieth. She never showed the tiniest spark of irritation or impatience. She never failed to listen to him talk through it, or to offer soothing words and touches when he couldn't.
"You're amazing," he said, thinking out loud.
Her answering laugh was just a quiet puff of air through her nose. "It'll take more than some bad dreams to scare me off, Ezra Bridger." Her tone softened. "And don't say it that way; you know I have demons, too."
He did know. "Any tonight?"
"No."
"Would you tell me?"
"Yes." She kissed his jaw, sealing the promise. "I would."
Satisfied, Ezra let it drop. For a while, he trailed his fingers up and down her spine, listening to the sound of their contented silence. It was on his tongue to tell her he wanted to always be this close to her, but she was already half-asleep again, and he finally gave in to drowsiness too. The nightmare didn't return.
Ezra's first conscious thought the next morning was, I want to marry her.
It wasn't the first time he'd thought that. It had been something he'd contemplated fuzzily, years ago. The idea seemed to become more of an attainable reality after she found him and they started building their life together. But ever since Jacen's oh-so-innocent suggestion that he add Sabine to his kalikori, he'd hardly been able to think of anything else.
He wanted to spend the rest of his days with her, to experience the good, the bad, and the ugly with her; and hadn't they already done that? They hadn't talked about marriage, but Ezra was sure, more than anything, that he wanted Sabine Wren to be his wife.
And he was pretty sure that if he asked, she'd say yes. Still, a little natural doubt remained, and he spent a lot of time trying to find a way to casually approach the subject of marriage in conversation with her. If she was onto him, she didn't say anything about it, which he took as a good sign either way. He was working up to straight-out asking her what she thought about it—slowly. He was slowly getting there.
Sabine seemed to have a few preoccupations of her own. She'd come home from running errands with an I'm thinking about something look in her eyes, absently humming as she cooked dinner and spent her evening in front of a canvas, looking at the artwork more than adding to it. But she seemed happy, if distracted, so Ezra didn't press.
When it was time for bed, he'd gone before her and she'd promised to follow soon. Just needed to shower, she said, maybe do some laundry. He tried to wait up for her, catching up on the HoloNews.
He wasn't quite sure when he'd dozed off. One minute, he'd been sitting up against the headboard, listening to news from the Mid-Rim, and the next, he jerked awake when his chin touched his chest, neck aching from being slumped at an odd angle. A tired irritation flared and he rubbed his eyes.
"Why'd you let me sleep like that?" He mumbled, shifting to lie down properly. He put his arm out, expecting to wrap it around Sabine's waist and pull her closer, but she wasn't there. Propping up on one elbow, he opened his eyes fully and saw that not only was her side of the bed empty and cold, there was no indication she'd ever been there. And all the lights were on. Everywhere. Now fully alert, he could hear her moving around in the kitchen. He tapped the chrono on his bedside table. It was zero two hundred. With a groan, Ezra got out of bed and shuffled down the hall.
He found her standing at the counter, preoccupied with putting sweetener and creamer in the caf she'd just poured. "Sabine," he began suspiciously, drawing up beside her. "You know what time it is, right?"
"Mhmm." She took a long, careful sip, letting the liquid warm and soothe her from the inside out. "I'm too wound up to sleep," she admitted. She flicked her eyes up to his and back down again.
"And you thought caf would help with that?" A frown started between his eyes. She leaned back against the counter top, legs crossed at the ankles, looking like she intended to stay there until she was un-wound up and ready for bed. Gently, he slid one hand along the curve of her waist, letting it rest on her hip. He thumbed the small gap of exposed skin between her sleep shirt and shorts. "What's going on?"
He took it as a good sign that she leaned closer instead of pulling away. "Nothing bad," she began slowly. "Just something I'm not sure about. Well…" She backtracked, organizing her thoughts as she spoke. "I'm sure about it; I just—"
"Don't know what I'm going to say," he guessed.
She nodded, biting her lip. "I don't want you to misunderstand."
Her words might have struck uncertainty into the heart of a lesser man, but Ezra knew Sabine was only trying to be open with him, and he loved her all the more for it. And he couldn't resist teasing her. He widened his eyes in mock-horror. "There's another man, isn't there? That tall Pantoran we saw—"
She gasped, punching him in the shoulder. "Ezra Bridger, I swear. I don't know how you could even think—"
"I don't, I don't!" He cried, laughing. He caught her hand, poised for another swat, and kissed the back of it. She glared hard, but he was sure he saw the corner of her mouth pulling up just the tiniest bit. He locked eyes with her so she'd know he meant what he said. "Whatever you have to say, cyar'ika, I'm listening. Don't be afraid—just talk to me."
Sabine's eyes brightened at the endearment spoken so tenderly in her native tongue. "Okay," she said with a small smile. She set her caf aside, braced her palms on the countertop, and swung herself up to sit on top of it. Ezra moved to stand between her knees, looking slightly up at her now. He held her hands, fingers loosely twined, silently encouraging her to continue.
She took a slow, deep breath. "You remember I told you I spent a year teaching art at one of the Capital City primary schools—right before I came to find you?"
Ezra squinted in confusion; of all the places he'd thought this conversation could possibly go, he hadn't thought it'd be here. "Yeah, I remember."
"Well, I ran into the administrator while I was at the market today. She…said that my old position is coming open again at the end of this year."
She held his gaze and the pieces started to click. "Are you gonna take it?"
"I—told her I'd get back to her within the week. I wanted to talk to you first."
He knew that wasn't all. "So talk to me."
"I think I'm…getting restless, Ezra." Her eyes shifted uneasily and she all but held her breath, waiting for him to respond. He almost laughed, pointing to her neglected cup of caf.
"I could have told you that." He leaned up to kiss her cheek. "Go on."
"These last several months have been incredible with you. I—still can't believe it's real, sometimes." She stopped, taking a tense breath. "You know I love you, right?"
"You never have to doubt that."
"Okay, good—I just—I think it's time for us to…find a new rhythm. Move forward. As much as I want to, we can't spend the rest of our lives the way we've spent the last few months. We can't—"
"Stay wrapped up in each other," he finished, understanding.
"Yeah." Her eyebrows drew together, almost wincing. "I've loved this time, Ezra, but I'm ready for something different, too. With you. Just—a new phase."
He nodded slowly. "I agree."
Surprise was plain on her face. "You do?"
He really did. It was something that had been on his mind lately as he thought more and more about their future together. They'd needed this time together to reclaim the last five years, but Sabine was right; they needed to move forward, too. Finding something to do outside of spending time together was a healthy step to take. And—if she'd thought about their future this far, then maybe, maybe he wasn't amiss in thinking now was a good time to bring up marriage. His heart slammed against his ribs, anticipation and excitement and nerves driving him absolutely crazy. But he kept himself in check. Narrowly.
"Yeah," he said, squeezing her hand. "I do. I know you loved that job, and if the opportunity is open, you should take it."
She faltered, looking like she was about to try and talk herself out of it for his sake. "It's not like we need to work." She gnawed her lower lip. "Between working with Ryder and teaching, I still have a good savings and you—you have that mysterious stash from that thing-with-pirates you're still tight-lipped about. So...we'll be fine for..." Her lips moved silently as she calculated. "A while if you—"
"Sabine." He laid a finger over her mouth and he leaned in close. "Take the job."
Pure joy sparked in her eyes. "Yeah?"
"Yeah."
She threw her arms around him and wrapped her legs around his waist. He lifted her easily off the counter, laughing. He started walking toward their bedroom, hoping—although not really expecting—that with this settled, she'd relax and go to sleep. A flick of his fingers turned the lights out behind them. He sat down on the edge of the mattress, but Sabine didn't extricate herself from him. Her expression turned thoughtful as she ran her fingers through the hair at his temples.
"What is it?" He asked.
"When I go back to work," she started slowly, "what will you do? Do you—" She stopped, pressing her lips together in a tight line. "Word from the Core is that Luke Skywalker is trying to re-establish the Jedi Order."
It was a statement and a question and he understood.
"I wish him well," Ezra said, "but that's not my path. When Kanan started training me, I wanted to become a Jedi so that I could do some good on Lothal." He cupped her chin in his hand. "I don't intend to leave again. Skywalker can have his Order. I have all I need right here."
Sabine exhaled a tense breath. "You're sure?"
"Very." It seemed like every muscle in her body relaxed then, and he wondered how long she'd been carrying the worry that he might choose being a Jedi over being with her. "I've never been more sure of anything."
She nodded. "Okay." She pecked a quick kiss to his cheek and smiled brightly as she climbed off his lap and walked around to her side of the bed. "There's still another four months until the new term starts, you know. Loads of time for us to spend together."
Ezra turned off his nightstand light and lay down, pulling the covers up under his chin. His eyes drooped closed as soon as his head hit the pillow. "If you're about to follow that statement up with something about cleaning and organizing, forget it," he mumbled.
Her light turned off and the room went dark. The bed shifted as she rolled onto her side. "I'll need help cleaning and organizing before school starts."
He was drowsy and only distantly aware of her fingers lacing through his. "Okay."
"I love you, cyar'ika," she whispered.
And he loved her, too, and his last thought before he fell back to sleep was that he was determined to make sure that when she went back to school, she'd go as Mrs. Bridger.
He just needed to make a plan.
