Python
"Hey," Freddie greeted his wife as she walked though the door. "What's in the box?"
"Well," Sam said, carefully setting the box down on their kitchen table. "I was walking through the mall with Carly, you know, trying to get her to buy me another corn dog, when I saw it in the window."
"Saw what?"
"It was so adorable! I had to buy it! I loved the color, the way it looked, and it's perhaps the best thing I have ever spent good money on."
"So what is it? A dress or something?"
Sam looked at him like he was crazy. "A dress? Really nub?"
"Yeah, I don't know what I was thinking," he laughed, getting up to give her a kiss. "But come on, what is it?"
"Okay, close your eyes and I'll show you."
"Close my eyes?" he repeated. This sounded like one of Sam's infamous set-ups.
"Yes!" she nodded. "What? You don't trust your wife?"
"Fine," he conceded, closing his eyes. "But if I end up with another pretzel shoved up my nose, you're-AH!"
He felt something cold and heavy and, more importantly, moving in his hands. He opened his eyes to see a three-foot snake in his hands.
"Sam!"
"What? You don't think he's precious?"
"Precious?" he exclaimed, dropping the snake back in its box. "You bought a python!"
"His name is Baco-Snake," she corrected him, picking up the snake and smiling at it fondly.
"Baco-Snake? Sam, you did not get this at a pet shop."
"Pet shop, guy in an alley, same thing," she shrugged.
"That thing can squeeze us to death," he told her.
"But he's just a baby. Isn't he cute?"
"Cute? No! Puppies are cute, not that thing!"
Sam gasped.
"Look," Freddie tried to reason with his wife. "I know it's small now, but it's going to grow."
"But if we train him-"
Freddie gave her a look.
"Okay," she mumbled, looking sadly down at the creature in her hands. "I'll take him back."
"Thank you," Freddie said, relieved.
"Tomorrow."
