Konoha's Weasel Prince

Summary: Itachi never got to use his Susanoo in his fight with Sasuke. As soon as the Kirin hit, he was sent back through time to the founder's era and it was up to him to ensure a safer and surer future for Konoha and the world at large. KisaIta TobiMada HashiMito others mentioned

"How dare you! What you're saying is bordering on blasphemous! You insufferable idiot Senju, why can't you just admit that you are wrong this once!?"

"I will, when you actually give me an argument that proves me wrong, Uchiha! All you've given me so far are useless, childish rants! It's like arguing with an imbecile!"

"Better to be an imbecile than an idiot, you blasted fool!"

"So you do admit to being mentally retarded?"

"How dare you! I ought to-"

"Oh by the glorious mother of chakra!" Toka swore fervently in the background, going almost completely unheard over all the shouting, banging her head against the dinner table in the Uchiha brother's dinning room. It was a very near miss but she almost landed her entire face into her plate. "Someone, please, for the love of the gods, make the stop!"

"I thought they were finally getting along~!" Hashirama whined, looking ready to follow in his cousin's footsteps and he most assuredly would land in his plate so Mito pushed it a bit away from him.

"I swear I haven't ever seen Nii-san acting like this." Izuna grumbled, still somehow sounding mystified by it all. "I thought he finally settled down here and let himself relax outside those stupid meetings. I don't understand what could have gotten him so riled up that they are now arguing over colors!"

The incredulity was completely justified. Two of the strongest shinobi in the world were currently snapping at each other, bickering worse than a cat and a dog across a dinner table with their mouths half stuffed with food half of the time, over something as simple and quite unimportant (in comparison to their previous arguments, at least) as colors. And they hadn't even looked like they were in a snit when the evening started, which was the truly worrisome fact, since it meant that they have somehow provoked each other into this argument, which means it might last for a while.

''So much for the peaceful evening we were hoping for. One dinner, that's all I ask.'' Mito grumbled, sending a venomous glare in the direction of the two bickering parties. Which, as was expected, went completely unnoticed. It only made the pregnant woman's mood worse and she actually growled. It caused Hikaku to squeak in surprise and shuffle a few inches away from the Uzumaki.

''Maybe they'll get over it soon?'' The second youngest Uchiha suggested hopefully and Toka looked at him as though he had just grown a second head. ''What?''

''There is no way they are stopping until one of them wins. I know for a fact that my little cousin won't let it go until he wins.'' Izuna's eyes narrowed on the Senju kunoichi and he looked ready to growl.

''Who said anything about the white bunny winning?''

Toka returned the glower as good as she got. ''Well, it certainly won't be Madara that wins in an argument against Tobirama, that's for sure. He's not nearly sharp enough.''

''Are you insinuating my brother isn't intelligent?'' Two pair of Sharingan eyes flared almost in unison, both Uchiha brother's trying to glare their respective Senju opponent into submission, only it was entirely unconscious on Madara's part. It spoke a lot about the strength of their alliance and peace that neither Senju looked away from those deadly eyes like they had been trained their whole lives to do.

''I'm surprised you caught on to that much, pretty boy.''

''There's no need to be jealous of my looks, Toka. I am sure someone will be willing to put up with your appearance.''

''This is a nightmare.'' Hikaku whispered in disbelief as Toka's chakra flared in anger, Izuna's rising to meet the challenge in turn. At this point, they'll be lucky if they survive the night, especially as there was no doubt in anyone's mind that Madara and Tobirama will jump in to support their respective relative. It is more likely than not that the Uchiha Main House would end up destroyed before either of these silly arguments end.

''If they don't stop fighting,'' Mito promised in a hiss, her words clear and most definitely carrying a threat. ''I will make them. These levels of stress are not good for me or the baby.'' Month four and Mito's hormones were already making her quite moody and these moods usually stemmed from Madara's and Tobirama's interactions, sometimes Hashirama's depressive spells or his moping when Madara yells at him or Toka's and Izuna's increasing sexual tension. It was now literally a matter of time before she actually does rip someone apart and so far the only ones keeping on her good side constantly were Itachi and Hikaku, but Hikaku was still more than terrified and that at times had her rather overly emotional, too. She had made it quite clear how much she hated the effect of the hormones and would then stuff her face with the first treat she could find and no one dared comment on how ungraceful her eating at those times was. They found her scary as it was already. They didn't need any more proof of just how frightening a pregnant woman can be.

''Maybe we should focus on why Madara-sama and Tobirama-san fight so we can stop these fights before they happen?'' Hikaku proposed and Hashirama looked up to meet his curious gaze. "What?" He asked self consciously and crossed his arms defensively. "There has to be a reason behind such behavior, right? Right?"

"But of course." Itachi finally spoke up, lifting his gaze from his plate and gracing them all with his full attention. "Everything has a reason. It is just sometimes hidden even from the person doing the deed."

At the sound of Itachi's voice, however, before anyone else could say something as a reply to his rather cryptic observation (they were beginning to believe that Itachi actually knew why the two were always fighting and just wasn't telling anyone), Madara and Tobirama stopped yelling at each other and turned to look at the now (should be but Itachi didn't really feel any older and he hadn't aged a day since his arrival to the past) twenty two year old and make him the focus of their attention as though they were well trained dogs and he was the trainer, leaving Toka and Izuna to glare it out. Anyone else would have been unnerved under the red gazes of these two powerful shinobi, some of the most powerful to exist, but Itachi had faced down biju, immortals, Sannin, armies, had met the Sage of Sixth Paths and had defied death more than once, in rather interesting ways, so he wasn't afraid at all. He had stared down over two hundred red eyes just like Madara's and he had taken them all down. And besides, he was very close friend with both men so he knew they wouldn't hurt him. And even if they tried, Hashirama and Mito wouldn't hesitate to come to his aid. He was safe and he knew it.

"Itachi!" Both the Uchiha and the Senju called together, pointing at each other. "Tell him he's wrong!"

Now it was everyone who turned to the secret Uchiha, expectantly waiting an answer that will end this stupid debate in either side's favor just to end the argument once and for all. But really, how it came to be that they needed the youngest in the group to dissuade an argument about who was right in regards to black and white was just shameful. If anyone form within or out of the village were to learn of this, Konoha would lose all of its reputation and hundreds upon hundreds of clans would come to attack them. And while they might as well just send Tobirama and Madara out to deal with them while they are this aggravated - those two are scary enough when they are calm; when they are pissed, it promised to be hell - it wasn't safe to do so, as they might just turn on each other when they run out of opponents and Konoha cannot afford to lose either of them.

It was still a wonder of, well, the world at large that they even came to the topics of the two colors. Black and white are polar opposites and even if they are always placed together as contrasts, they re rarely related to each other in conversations. If one even has conversations about colors in the first place, that is. But these are Tobirama and Madara and they have been having increasingly more awkward conversations by the day. Sometimes, they would spend hours avoiding each other only to start a stilted conversation so awkward that one could cut the atmosphere it produces like butter. It was near painful to bear witness to such an event and, what's worse, half of those conversations ended in the two fighting like they were just now. They usually unwittingly draw Izuna and Toka into it, the two working through their own tension, which only makes it all that much worse.

Quite frankly, everyone grew sick of it real quick. It had been amusing in the beginning, watching Madara explode and the usually calm Tobirama snap like an aggravated dog, but it became too boring in a matter of about six weeks and people were starting to get exasperated. Other's were already well beyond annoyed and there were quite a few fearful that such bad relations between the Head of one clan and what is essentially the Heir of the other might just spiral them into war again and no one was eager for that to return. They quite liked the current peace, thank you, so they always relaxed a little when Itachi came to play peacemaker for the two powerhouses. Hashirama didn't know how to break them out of these arguments so it really was for the best that it is Itachi who is left to deal with it all. Mito would snap both of their necks, Toka would take Tobirama's side and Izuna Madara's and they'd both just make the situation that much worse and Hikaku didn't have the backbone needed to not only oppose a powerful opponent like Senju Tobirama but also to go against his Clan Head, so, yeah, Itachi. And Itachi never had any problems when dealing with them, so all was well.

Now, the clanless man just arched an eyebrow at the two quarreling men and they took it as their cue to state their opinions.

''Itachi, tell this insufferable fool that black is not a void of color! That's white! Black is definitely a real color.'' Madara huffed out with a venomous glare at Tobirama that might have set him on fire had he had the ability to use Amaterasu like Itachi could. The younger Senju brother was definitely lucky in that regard. Still, the albino shot Madara such a deadly glare, as though actual knives were flying from his eyes, that it was a surprise Madara wasn't already dead on the floor, lying in the pool of his own blood.

''Itachi, please explain to this idiot that he is wrong because white is not a lack of color, since it's the source of all of the other colors of the rainbow and every shade in between. I can't seem to make that thought penetrate his tick skull, although it makes me wonder if there is anywhere for it to stick even after it enters, since he clearly doesn't posses the all too precious organ called a brain.'' The white haired man said through grit teeth icily and Madara's chakra spike din rage at the insult.

''Why you little-!''

''Actually,'' Itachi said with a sigh, cutting in before they could go back to yelling. They gave each other one more glare before turning to look at Itachi, both obviously expecting him to agree with one of their theories and turn the other's down, declaring a winner. 'As if,' thought the secret Uchiha. That would just lead to another argument of a different topic and he would rather avoid that until the end of the evening. ''You're both wrong.''

Utter silence. Since the beginning of the evening, the entire house was washed in utter silence and Itachi enjoyed the brief moment.

''Come again?'' Toka asked, needing a clarification, because it had never happened before that Tobirama was wrong. Well, almost never.

''What do you mean, both of them are wrong?'' Hashirama asked, curious, since it was usually the situation that one of them was actually right. This was definitely a new development.

''Simple, really.'' The raven haired young man replied, pouring himself some green tea. '' Neither of them are right, so they are both wrong.''

''Itachi, please elaborate how they are wrong.'' Mito was obviously not amused by his dry response and Itachi didn't even bother to fight back a smirk at the twitching eyebrows he saw everyone but Hashirama sporting. Hey, he was allowed to have some fun, too, yes?

''Well, you see, while a lot of people would argue that one or the other is right out of their own personal opinions that actually come from habit and nothing scientific at all, they would be just as wrong. Because, you see, white is the synchronization of all colors at the beginning of one end of the spectrum, while black is all the colors mashed together at the other end. Either way, neither white nor black are a lack or a void of color, but are actually different mixtures of all the colors. As you can see, neither are right, so both are wrong. Black and white might be each other's opposites but they are actually twins. Identical twins, almost.''

''That actually makes sense.'' Tobirama was the first to grunt out while the rest just stared at Itachi as though he had grown a second head. ''How didn't I see this before?'' He muttered to himself and Itachi restrained the urge to roll his eyes.

'You were a bit too focused on Madara-san to notice, Tobirama'-san.' He thought and watched as the red faded from Madara's eyes, a contemplative silence overtaking him. The rest were finally calming down and relaxing since it became obvious that the fight was over and Itachi would not deny that he was both smug and pleased that he had managed to salvage the evening.

Half an hour later, he was suffering through a vicious headache that just won't let him be in peace as the yelling started again after someone - it was probably Hashirama's fault - toppled the seven feet tall block tower they had all been building together to pass time as a group. Thankfully, Izuna and Toka didn't feel like joining in this time around, to deep in their conversation about different kinds of blades, some of which were no longer used in Itachi's time or were rarely so since they required a long period of training before it can be brought out to the field and people just found it too bothersome (Itachi made note to monitor the influence of the ever lazy Nara so that the village doesn't fall into ruin after whenever he has to leave. It would be such a pity for Konoha to fall apart because of not an enemy's attack or a war, but due to the laziness of its own citizens). Mito had given up, trying to read a book to pass the time and not let her annoyance kill her brother in law and one of Konoha's founder, and Hashirama was still depressed because he had caused the topple. Hikaku had somehow managed to fall into a light doze, apparently all too used to the way his clan head was acting. They all were getting rather used to these rather spontaneous arguments and that said a lot about how often they happened. But when the shouting reached a new pitch, Itachi finally snapped.

'I've had enough!' He thought, jumping to his feet with all the speed and grace of an advancing cheetah on a hunt. It made the others look up and Itachi gestured for Mito to follow him before he marched right up to the two arguing men. Neither Madara nor Tobirama were ready to be quite literally yanked out of their argument by the backs of their collars and then dragged right across the house to the nearest guest room. Itachi knew where the three customary guest rooms were because one practically belonged to him now - and wasn't it ironic that it was the same room that will one day become his bedroom? - on the insisting (read whining) behest from the Uchiha brothers. He skipped over the one that was practically his and opened the door that was the furthest from the living room in order to give the two some sort of privacy that won't mean much for a while. He was pleased to hear Mito was right behind him, with the rest of their group following right behind out of curiosity, as he pushed the two sputtering and protesting men into the room and quickly inspected the window, finding it closed and seeing no other exits, he nodded and slammed the door shut.

''Mito-san, if you would be so kind as to put a seal on the door to lock it and damage-proof the entire room?'' The redhead blinked in surprise but did as he asked, trusting that Itachi knew what he was doing, placing three seals on the door, one an internal and external protection seal that made the walls near impenetrable, one that locked the door and the window and one that prevented the doors and window from being broken or opened from the inside due to chakra being released into the locks.

''Done.'' Mito told the weasel named man and Itachi nodded.

''Do you possibly have a seal that will muffle all sound?''

''What are you doing?'' An alarmed Izuna demanded, coming up to the door and pressing his ear to it. He could hear shuffling on the other side, making it rather obvious that Tobirama and Madara were trying to find a way out. ''Let them out! They're going to kill each other in there!''

''Yes?'' Mito answered when Itachi paid no attention to Izuna's protests. Said secret Uchiha nodded.

''Prepare it. We'll need it soon, for our sakes.'' He said just as shouting started again from inside the room, far louder and more aggressive sounding than it had been in the living room, or the dinning room earlier on or, well, any of their arguments since the founding of the village. Everyone bar Itachi exchanged uneasy looks, clearly thinking that this was going to escalate too soon and a full on battle was going to break out, when there was a loud thump coming from what sounded like the left wall and then all sound stopped.

In the deafening silence that followed, only Itachi could move and he lowered himself to his knees to peek through the keyhole into the room. The others just clustered around him and waited.