Konoha's Weasel Prince

Summary: Itachi never got to use his Susanoo in his fight with Sasuke. As soon as the Kirin hit, he was sent back through time to the founder's era and it was up to him to ensure a safer and surer future for Konoha and the world at large. KisaIta TobiMada HashiMito others mentioned

Their informants ended up being right and not a month later, Itachi, Tobirama and Madara had their first encounter with Kirigakure's ninja during a mission on Nagi Island. Just as Itachi was aware it was happening in the future (his present), the two ruling families had been about to settle the power play with a race of their champions and had hired ninja to protect their champions throughout the run. The Wasabi family had hired Konoha shinobi while, it would seem, the Wagarashi family had hired Kirigakure's shinobi.

All would have been good and the three geniuses would not have had any problems had there not been three deciding factors that made a mess.

Condition of the mess-maker number one: Tobirama and Madara had gotten into a nasty fight just a few days before they were supposed to leave for the mission and hadn't made up yet, so they spent most of their trip to the Land of Tea snapping and snipping at each other, trading insults like it was gossip or downright ignoring each other, warnings and recommendations during the mission all together.

Condition of the mess-maker number two: Kiri's ninja were still nowhere near as famous and infamous as Konoha's were so they were a far cheaper force to buy, so the Wagarashi family had hired three dozen jonin level shinobi for almost the same price as Itachi, Madara and Tobirama were hired (but, then again, they are some of the founders of Konoha and the best ninja in their village, so it was to be expected that they are that expensive and they had been asked for specifically), so it was ten to one, when the fighting to protect each family's champion began during the race.

Condition of mess-maker number three and the most crucial to their current fucked up situation: one of the ninja from Kiri was a Hoshigaki and Itachi had only had a second to realize what weapon she was using before their chakra had been drained almost completely dry. Thankfully, for the sake of their mission, the two champions have continued on racing and had gotten quite the bit away from the fighting, so they were both safe while the Kiri ninja were far more interested in the three Konoha shinobi to care about their mission (Itachi suspects that the results of this mission will later teach Kiri to breed its ninja to always put the mission first).

So they had scooped up the three unconscious men and had taken them to a nearby cave system that used to be a prison and they threw them in three separate cells before going off to finish their mission. It took a couple of hours for Tobirama and Madara to wake up while it took Itachi a whole day to recover from that awful drain due to his much smaller chakra reserves, but he was reassured to hear the couple bickering when he woke up, signaling that they were both okay, even if the arguing was annoying.

''No, it's your fault! How could you not sense something that drains chakra when it is just a few feet away!?'' Madara was screaming from his cell, right across from Tobirama while Itachi was in a cell a little to the left of the Senju and out of sight of both of his companions due to a stalagmite in between his and Madara's cell so no one was aware he was awake. Which in turn meant that their chakra was restrained. Itachi sighed in annoyance. Not this shit again.

''My fault!? What about those eyes of yours?! How didn't you see it coming, huh?! I thought the Sharingan sees everything!'' The albino shouted right back, aggravated at the blame all being pushed onto him. It was the toppled block tower all over again, it would seem.

''Would you two shut the fuck up!?'' A rough voice called from outside of their filed of vision but Itachi stiffened as he recognized that sort of drawl easily, a blue face with a sharp, sharky grin coming to mind with the ease of eight years of partnership. He clenched his fists even as his companions indeed quited and turned their focus to the approaching Kiri nin. ''I swear your lover's spat can be heard from all the way at the Todoroki shrine.'' Which would be considered quite the insult, since they weren't even within the ten mile radius of the Modoroki shrine. The two legendary shinobi glared death at the offender.

Itachi decided now was the best time to intervene before the Hoshigaki before him decided to drain their chakra some more. ''What do you want?''

The Hoshigaki turned to look at him in surprise and Itachi did his best not to react to the gills, to the blue skin, to the resemblance to a shark when he saw sharp teeth and beady, round yellow eyes. The woman was tall and muscular, almost as much as Kisame was with hair the color of seaweed in a tight, high braid that ran down her neck. Kirigakure still hadn't designed their standard jonin uniform - or ranks, for that matter. Official ranks were still being decided on even in Konoha - so the Hoshigaki was dressed in what must have been her clan's traditional battle garbs, consisting of a long kimono with a blue sash that had the emblem of her clan sewn into it. And, of course, the heirloom that had later been passed on to the Bloody Mist's Swordsmen, Samehada stood strapped to the Hoshigaki woman's back, wrapped in the white bandages like always.

Itachi cursed his luck as it occurred to him that hew as once again facing one of his important people's ancestors, this time possibly Kisame's grandmother or something. She even had large chakra reserves, although nothing quite like Kisame's enormous chakra reserves that had earned him the title of the Tailless Tailed Beast.

The blue woman stepped closer to the secret Uchiha's cell and regarded him curiously. ''I honestly didn't expect you to wake up so soon. You have way less chakra than these two and I sucked out enough chakra for them to b fatal had they been anyone else. You should have died or at least stayed unconscious for the next ten days.'' Itachi didn't bother answering and just stared her down, not flinching when she grinned in a very frightening (to anyone else) manner, showing off all of her pointy teeth. He fell in love with a grin like that. ''Interesting. Well, my name is Hoshigaki Fuka and I am the leader of this unit. I already know I hold Uchiha Madara,'' she pointed to the cell holding a suspiciously silent - and thus murderous - wild haired man before pointing to the equally silent - and equally murderous - albino in the second cell with a blue hand. ''And Senju Tobirama. But who might my third captive be?''

''It is rude not to answer someone's question.'' The weasel admonished, surprising the shark woman. If Itachi knew anything about his partner, it was that Kisame was almost as polite as Itachi himself was and he will keep pretending he was speaking to Kisame until this woman gave him reason not to honor her in such a way. It is easier to pretend. It is easier not to give away his secrets by escaping with the use of Amaterasu like he did the last time he had been restrained like this. Besides, if Kisame's ancestor was anything like his partner, then she will respect a polite disposition despite being crude or savage herself. He would bet his eyes on that.

His wager payed off.

Fuka's startlement disappeared and was replaced by a half amused, half bemused grin. ''My apologies. Well, since your interference had cost us the mission objective, we can't exactly return to Mizukage-sama empty handed, so we figured we'd take you three to him and get some information about Konohagakure out of you. Those two are bound to know something useful, but what about you? Who are you? Are you useful or should I kill you now?''

''Don't you dare touch him, you bitch!'' Madara screamed loud enough to echo throughout the whole cave system, glaring death at the female Hoshigaki. ''Don't you dare even look at him, or so help me god, I will murder you!''

Fuka only chuckled a bit sadistically at the older Uchiha, unaware that the younger's eyes had turned cold as soon as he heard what he had been suspecting to be the case. There was no animosity among the newly fledged villages yet for the Kiri nin to want death onto them, but Konoha had an unfair advantage that all the other villages would want to lessen or completely destroy.

The rivalry among the villages seems to have begun.

''And how do you plan to do that while you are trapped all the way over there, your chakra suppressed and chained as you are?'' She turned away from the two fuming older ninja to look at the younger - secret - Uchiha. ''I'll deal with you later. Even if you don't have any useful information for us or won't give it, we can still get quite a price for you with the slave market or the bounty collectors while taking your eyes for ourselves.'' All three of them stiffened at that, Madara going pale at the thought of his eyes being gouged out while Tobirama growled like a beast. Whatever leftover curtsy Itachi had been planning on giving the kunoichi that may have been a direct ancestor of Kisame's flew right out of the window at those words.

Madara and Izuna had exchanged eyes just a year and a half ago, when they have both been rendered nearly blind from how much they were using their Mangekyo Sharingan to protect Konoha on missions and from random bandit attacks from stupid groups who thought they can take on a village full of highly trained shinobi. Both brothers had been hesitant to let the operation happen, since it was usually used only for when one sibling was dying, but while Madara would be able to learn to live blind due to his sensory abilities, Izuna's weren't exactly the best and he'd have to retire as a shinobi within the next couple of months. And since both of them still wanted to be able to see the faces of their lovers, they conceded and went through with the operation. Madara recovered within two weeks but Izuna had needed two months before he could use his eyes again at all, Madara's eyes far too powerful for him. Madara somehow got the true Eternal Mangekyo Sharingan and perfect sight, allowing him to make the full body perfect Susanoo, while Izuna was still stuck with only the powers of the Mangekyo Sharingan but he still had perfect sight. No one could explain how that worked but the brothers weren't complaining - not counting Izuna's teasing complaints about Madara becoming even stronger and as such even more pigheaded just to annoy the guilt out of his brother for the half-success Izuna's operation turned out to be - so no one else made a big deal out of it, either. After the operation, Izuna and Madara became even more protective of their eyes, more so than any other Uchiha did with their precious Sharingan.

Itachi better deal with Hoshigaki Fuka himself or Madara will kill her. The ex ANBU wasn't ready to risk Kisame's life on the possibility that this was just some grandaunt or something.

''I am Dare no Ichozoko no Itachi.'' He introduced himself, drawing her attention back to himself and away from thoughts of Uchiha eyes and slave markets and bounties and everything else that would have spelled really bad news for the powerhouse couple. Those yellow eyes turned in shock to him and Itachi raised his chin defiantly. He liked this particular Hoshigaki even less for the grin that tugged at her lips next.

''Well, the peacemaker Itachi himself! What an honor! I think you might make me even more money than these two together.'' Tobirama and Madara started tugging fruitlessly at their restraints when she, without further ado, unlocked Itachi's cell and walked in, grabbing the weakened weasel by the chains on his own wrists and started dragging him out of the cell block. ''Although, the Mizukage-sama might want to meet you and negotiate for some goods with Konoha instead. And if he doesn't, you're pretty enough to earn quite the buck in the slave market. That, however, doesn't mean we can't find out some intel from you first.''

''Don't do this, Hoshigaki!'' Tobirma warned, yelling almost as loudly as Madara had when he managed to catch a glimpse of her dragging his best friend away. ''Konoha will have retribution! We won't let this go unpunished!'' And all three Konoha nin knew that was the truth. Hashirama - despite wanting to get along with everyone - will gladly lead the charge to save Itachi. And even if he didn't, the rest of the village will defer to their two main generals to get back their favorite administrator.

''And Kiri will be waiting, although it might be a bit too late for your friend by then~!'' The kunoichi singsonged before she dragged Itachi out of sight but not hearing range. The cave system wasn't nearly as large as Itachi had been under the impression of and under just a minute of walking, he could hear the rest of the Kiri nin, grumbling over their failed mission or gleefully crowing over defeating not only Senju Tobirama, but the infamous Uchiha Madara, too.

Itachi pitied these fools.

With a surge of chakra through his body despite the restraints - his chakra control had only gotten better over the years he had been here, especially since his chakra reserves had grown quite a bit due to all the stamina training he kept having four times a week with his friends - Itachi let said chakra gather in his eyes until he felt the familiar sting of the Mangekyo Sharingan as black flames caught the cold metal of the chakra restraints. Fuka yelped as Amaterasu set him free, the metal shackles falling to the ground with a loud clunk. Using her surprise against her, Itachi whirled around on the Hoshigaki before she could reach for Samehada and looked her straight in the eyes.

Hoshigakis were a particularly savage clan and he knew from Kisame's stories of his early life that quite a few of them loved torturing their opponents once beaten. Kisame didn't particularly like to prolong one's end, but even he did occasionally like the screams his victims produced in their last moments, only if Itachi wasn't around, though. Kisame had also told him that it was one of the things the Kiri nin as a whole most enjoyed after becoming chuunin. Still, the blue man had said he had not known real torture until that one time he had startled Itachi awake from a nightmare accidentally and found himself trapped in a world of horror under a red moon.

Knowing what Fuka had had in mind for him and remembering what she had said she had planned for Madara and Tobirama, Itachi felt no remorse when he let his Tsukuyomi entrap the woman. He didn't feel pity for her when she started screaming as millions of tiny sharks started tearing off her flesh, piece by piece. He didn't bat an eyelid when crows came and started scratching her eyes out. There was not a trace of regret in him when he let her experience a rather intimate and deadly painful encounter with the Samehada in a way that would be impossible everywhere outside of his Tsukuyomi. If she wanted torture, humiliation, pain and unwilling debauchery onto others, then she should be prepared to face someone just as sadistic as her.

For people like her, Itachi had no mercy.

He ignored her screams as he pulled out of his Tsukuyomi, letting her experience the full 72 hours of his jutsu while erasing the sight of his eyes from her memory. Her screams had attracted her fellow Kiri nin's attention and all thirteen that had survived the initial battle ran further into the cave, only to stop short of their whimpering leader and a cold-faced little Konoha shinobi with eyes blazing rubies like hell fire. Not bothering with drawing weapons or making hand seals, Itachi trapped them in a regular Sharingan genjutsu, ignoring their screams as he erased their memories as well. He came up to one that was whimpering particularly pathetically, dragging his head up from between his knees when he had been in the fatal position and looking into his eyes. It was disgustingly easy to find out where their stuff was and how to get out of the caves from him and he walked back over to Hoshigaki Fuka, briefly searching her person over before finding what he was looking for.

With keys in hand, he returned to where Madara and Tobirama were still locked up, his fellow Konoha shinobi stopping their struggles when they saw him coming, unscathed despite all the screams that had been echoing down the halls.

''Are you okay?'' Tobirama asked instantly, red eyes roving over Itachi's figure to find any possible hidden or less obvious injuries. He seemed to sigh in relief when he saw that Itachi was fine, especially when Itachi nodded as he unlocked Madara's cage first and took off his restraints.

''You two need to hash things out while I go and get our stuff.'' The ex Akatsuki said as Madara rubbed his wrists where they had gotten raw and sore from the restraints. He gave the keys to Madara before leaving to go in search of their things. He paused at the sprawled form of Fuka to hastily unstrap Samehada from her back and move it away, out of her reach, lest it somehow help her get out of the Tsukuyomi before continuing on with his little quest. He returned about five minutes later with their things, only to find Madara in Tobirama's lap, the two lazily kissing as though they were not in a dungeon. He paused, pondered and made a grimace, deciding he would rather not know about any strange kinks they might have before drawing their attention to himself. ''You couldn't wait until we return to Konoha, could you?''

Madara's smirk was answer enough.