Title: C-Rank A-Holes

Summary: Kitora doesn't care what anyone says, Osamu can't 'smack a bitch' if he tried.

Rating: B for "Bitch-ass A-holes" [Translation="T"]

Warning: brief mention of fugitive arc…might as well read it :P

"You know what confuses me?" Izuho asked, "How siblings can come from the same parents and look completely different from each other!"

"You're right!" Akane agreed, "Sometimes you don't even realize that they're related…"

Chika nodded in agreement as the three girls sat once again in the restaurant Chika's innocence was endangered in, due to the fact that despite the circumstances the food was just as good as Akane predicted.

"My brother has blonde hair and dark eyes," Chika pointed out, "and yet I have dark hair and purple eyes…we don't look alike at all."

"Really?" Akane asked, "I've never seen him before, but that's pretty interesting…"

"It sounds like he looks more like me!" Izuho laughed, and the other two joined in agreement.

"I wonder how Yuma got his white hair though," Akane pondered, crossing her arms and thinking. "That's not normal, is it? Though he is a foreigner…"

"Megane-kun doesn't really look much like his mom either," Izuho pointed out, "I met her while he was in the hospital—I thought it was his sister for a second, but it turns out I was wrong…"

Chika shrugged. "They act alike, though…"

"I don't know about that," Izuho said, precariously balancing a chopstick on her nose. "She seemed super calm, almost like a doll or something! In a nice way, of course!"

"I think Osamu's pretty expressive," Akane agreed, "unless we're just completely wrong…"

"No no, you're both right," Chika assured, idly wondering how Osamu-kun had once again become their topic of conversation. "But they look the most alike when they're upset."

Akane and Izuho turned to the brunette, eyebrows raised.

"Osamu-kun…upset?" Izuho asked, "I…somehow can't imagine that…"

"I've seen him, like, laser focused," Akane said thoughtfully, "that one time that our teams fought, remember? But…he didn't seem 'upset' per se…"

Chika put a hand on her chin, thinking for a moment. "He very rarely gets mad," she said, "I can only remember two times that I saw him that way—once was when we helped those Neighbors Xeno and Lilith, and Osamu-kun…disagreed with something Xeno said, the other…"

"What happened the other time?" Izuho asked, "Did he lose his temper?"

"Oh no," Chika answered immediately, "not once had I ever seen him fully lose his temper…but one time he had gotten pretty close…"

Akane and Izuho leaned in closer, anticipating the story to follow.


"Kitora-san," Chika greeted as she encountered the Arashiyama Ace in one of the many, confusing hallways of Border Headquarters.

"What are you doing out here?" she asked, raising an eyebrow. "Your squad room is on the other side of the headquarters!"

"…I'm sorry," Chika apologized, bowing her head slightly. "I-I just—"

"Don't worry about it," Kitora interrupted flippantly, "I'll just walk you back to the main room and you can find your way back from there, right?"

"Y-yes!" Chika replied, bowing again. "T-thank you very much!"

The two of them made their way down the hallway, an awkward silence following their footsteps.

"Um…Kitora-san?"

Chika flinched slightly at the ace's naturally harsh glare. "What?"

"I-I had a question," she continued, looking down at the floor. "…are you rivals with Osamu-kun?"

"…we're here," Kitora answered, opening the door to the main room. "Try not to get lost again, okay?"

The girl smiled and bowed in thanks, missing the faint blush on Kitora's cheeks as she mumbled a "you're welcome" and left. Chika watched her go and heaved a sigh, preparing herself for the second attempt to find her own squad room.

"Well, isn't it the Amatori Cannon!"

Chika turned and saw three unfamiliar C-Ranks before her—no…she recognized them eventually.

"Um…hi…" she pointed to the first one. "…Teruteru…?"

"Damn straight!" the black haired boy affirmed, puffing out his chest.

"And…Fumifumi…?"

"You bet!"

"And…um…" Chika racked her brain for the last one. "…There's an 'H' in yours, right?"

The other two boys laughed at the third's crestfallen face. "It's 'Hidehide!'" he answered indignantly, crossing his arms and pouting.

"…right, sorry," she apologized, "It's…it's nice to see you guys are doing well, but I need to go—"

"We ain't done with you yet, girl!" Teruteru sneered in a yakuza kind of way, grabbing Chika's shoulder while puffing a cigar.

Then suddenly Osamu appeared behind them like a ninja, glasses tinting all scary-like.

"Do I need to smack a bitch?" Osamu asked, dangerously pushing up his glasses while looking super serious.

And then the three of them died instantly because they couldn't handle Osamu's "Megane Powers".

"Apparently not," the Megane-kun nodded in approval. "Are you okay, Chika?"

Chika nodded, swooning at Osamu's manliness. "I'm just fine, Osamu-kun…"

And then he whisked her away into the sunset, and Kitora rolled her eyes.


Chika blinked in confusion. "…Kitora-san?"

"I'm pretty sure Osamu-kun wouldn't 'smack a bitch'," Kitora sighed, motioning Chika to move over and sitting down beside her. "And why did those C-Ranks suddenly turn yakuza halfway through?"

"Osamu-kun's glasses sometimes do tint all scary-like though!" Akane insisted, "I've seen it!"

"And those three are annoying jerks," Izuho replied, "especially if they were messing with Chikako!"

Kitora rolled her eyes again. "Whatever," she muttered, "are you going to let her finish the story?"

"Are you interested?" Akane asked with a grin, "I'm willing to bet you've never seen Osamu-kun angry before either, huh?"

"Wrong," the ace deadpanned, "but I can't see him getting mad at anyone. It's just not in his nature."

"It's not," Chika agreed, "but the one time he did get angry, it felt like watching a storm gather over the ocean—you watch helplessly as it advances towards you, yet you're powerless to stop it."

The other three girls blinked at the vivid imagery.

"That…sounds terrifying," Akane shivered, "like…really terrifying."

"Yeah…" Izuho shuddered, "I better stay on Osamu-kun's good side…"

The Arashiyama Ace scoffed, rolling her eyes. "I'm pretty sure that's an exaggeration," she stated, "I mean it's Osamu-kun we're talking about…"

"That's what makes it so scary!" Akane exclaimed, "When levelheaded people get angry, that means something really bad had to have happened—when have you ever seen Tokieda-san upset?"

Kitora opened her mouth to protest, only to close it again. Not once has she seen much emotion from Tokieda at all (aside from that stupid smirk from when he was making fun of her for what has been dubbed 'The Great Noodle Incident' among trainees, damn him) let alone anger

"…I see your point," she decided, crossing her arms. "But I won't decide that until I hear the actual story—without any anecdotes from you two."

"Roger, Ace-sempai!" Izuho saluted.

"You got it, Ace-sempai!" Akane followed, doing the same.

"It's Kitora-san to you!" Kitora snapped, "You're not my kouhai and I don't want any stupid nicknames from you two!"

"What if Karasuma-san called you Ace-sempai?" Izuho asked, smirking deviously.

"'Oh, Ace-sempai…'" Akane mimicked, keeping her face straight. "'You're my little—'"

"You know that Border triggers won't kill you," Kitora seethed, "you'll just pass out from the pain."

That got the two of them to shut up instantly.

"That's what I thought," she muttered, crossing her arms. "Chika?"

"Right," Chika nodded, proceeding with her story.


"…right, sorry," she apologized, "It's…it's nice to see you guys are doing well, but I need to go—"

"Not before you battle us first!"Teruteru declared, pointing directly at her. "Battling a B-rank agent will be a surefire way to fame—you're B-rank, right?"

Chika nodded, eyes wide in confusion. "I-I don't think Osamu or Yuma-kun would want to—"

"Not a team rank battle!" Fumifumi interjected, "You're going to fight Teruteru-sempai head-to-head!"

"Yeah!" Hidehide agreed, "Then we'll become A-rank for sure!"

Panic clutched at Chika's chest. "I…I'd rather not—"

"What, are you scared?" Teruteru taunted, "You sure you're B-rank? You won't make it to A-rank with that attitude!"

You won't make it to A-rank.

"…Fine," Chika stated, clutching her fists.

"…what was that?" Fumifumi asked, "Say that a bit louder, huh?"

Chika took a deep breath and looked directly at Teruteru."I…I'll battle—"

"Like hell you are," Kitora muttered, appearing beside her. "You shouldn't stoop to their level."


"…Kitora-san?"

"Sorry," the A-rank apologized, "but those three…"

"They're so annoying!" Izuho whined, "They're the reason I want to get to B-rank—so I wouldn't have to deal with them anymore!"

"I've never heard of them before," Akane shrugged, "but I'm surprised that you took them on, Chika-kun."

"Well…I didn't really get a chance to," Chika admitted, "Because…"


"—Chika?"

The four turned and saw Osamu walking over to them, eyebrows furrowed with worry. "I texted you almost half an hour ago that we have to go over the plan for the next rank battle," he said, completely ignoring the three C-rank agents. "Is your phone on? Did you get lost?"

"I…got lost…" Chika admitted, bowing slightly. "I-I'm sorry…"

"It's fine," Osamu assured, lightly patting her on the head. "We need to hurry though because Usami-sempai's starting to come up with insane strategies that involve seduction and pop-tarts and Yuma-kun shouldn't be alone with her for too long or else—"

"We're not done with her yet!" Teruteru declared, grabbing Chika's arm and pulling her towards him. "We were gonna—"

He stopped abruptly when Osamu gripped his wrist rather tightly, causing the C-rank to let go with a cry.

"I'm sorry," the Megane-kun stated unapologetically, "but we're busy getting ready to fight other B-rank agents. Perhaps another time."

Chika stared as Osamu released Teruteru's wrist, an unreadable expression on his face as the C-rank scoffed.

"What, you afraid she's gonna lose or something?" Fumifumi interjected with a sneer, "You don't need to baby her so much!"

"Are you confident you can win?" Osamu shot back calmly, causing the three C-ranks (and Chika) to flinch. "If you're trying to posture as a captain, you might as well challenge a B-rank captain, correct?"


"Well Osamu certainly grew a pair," Kitora snorted, crossing her arms. "Even though he so weak himself…"

"You have to give him credit though," Akane pointed out, "He's still talented in his own way—it was pretty obvious when he beat our squad in rank wars…"

"Oh I'm sure he could beat those C-rank bozos easily," the ace agreed, "but he's not the type to posture like this—he knows he's weak, which is why he's not as annoying as these a-holes. Besides I highly doubt he'd even say he'd 'smack a bitch' let alone actually smacking one."

"A-rank? More like A-holes!" Izuho snorted, causing Akane to laugh insanely along with her.

Even Kitora smiled when she rolled her eyes. "Why am I even here…?"

"You wanted to hear the story, right?" Akane asked, trying to hold back her laughter and failing miserably. "Because we all want to see Mikumo-kun smack a bitch."

"For the last time, Osamu-kun cannot and will not smack a bitch," the ace stated, "It's Osamu-kun. Right Chika?"

Chika only replied with a shrug, causing Kitora to pale slightly.

"…right?"


"O-Osamu…kun…?" Chika stammered, "We should—"

"T-That won't be a problem!" Teruteru declared, "I can beat you in a heartbeat, just like I beat all those Neighbors during the Second Large Scale Invasion!"

"Um…Teruteru-sempai…?" Hidehide stammered, "He was the one who fought that rabbit-type when saving us, remember?"

The lead C-rank agent paled slightly. "Y-you know what?" he asked, crossing his arms. "I'mma just pretend that you didn't disrespect me, and we can call it even yeah? L-lets go guys—"

"Do you know what the purpose of rank wars is?" Osamu interrupted suddenly, his face still showing no emotion whatsoever.

The three C-ranks glanced at each other nervously. "T-to advance to A-rank, of course!" Teruteru claimed, crossing his arms and grinning. "Why else—"

"Training," the Megane-kun finished, "to keep you moving almost constantly, to avoid becoming complacent in the event that a Large-Scale Invasion occurs."

"T…that too…" Teruteru stammered, averting his gaze. "B-but that doesn't take away from the fact that I can—"

"Team rank wars help solidify teamwork and put you in situations that could easily happen when out fighting neighbors," Osamu continued, "while solo battles are for refining your fighting style, learn to read an opponent's moves, and yes, move higher up in the ranks. What do these two purposes have in common?"

Chika cocked her head to the side, thinking of the answer. "They can be used outside of fighting Neighbors, right?"

"Y-yeah, what she said!" Teruteru agreed hastily, "Right guys?"

This time the other two didn't even respond, only taking a step back as a deadly aura poured from the bespectacled brunette.

"That's right," Osamu agreed, "but there's another thing they have in common."

That answer came a lot easier to Chika, though she stayed quiet when she met Osamu's eyes for a brief moment.

"It's pointless if you can't win!" Teruteru declared, smirking. "I don't need you to talk down on me—"

"It's pointless if you run like a bitch at the slightest hint of difficulty," Osamu deadpanned, a shadow covering his face as his glasses tinted dangerously.


Izuho whistled. "Looks like you're wrong, Ace-sempai…"

"See!?" Akane exclaimed, "Mikumo-kun's glasses do glint evilly sometimes! Chika-kun's seen it!"

Kitora's eyes were wide with shock. "…that's got to be an exaggeration…"

Chika shook her head. "It's true," she said, "he really did say the 'B' word…he was really upset at that point…"

"But I thought he would have stopped when the C-rank backed down from his challenge," Kitora pointed out, "I mean, I guess you could say he successfully scared him off then, but now he's just being mean…"

"I think he was just trying to prove a point," Akane said thoughtfully, "because they sounded so sure they could beat Chika but chickened out when Osamu offered to fight in her stead."

"Like a knight in shining armor," Izuho agreed, nodding sagely.

"More like, 'pick on someone your own size,'" Kitora corrected, "I guess that makes sense…but still…"


"What'd you call me!?" Teruteru demanded, having the audacity to grab Osamu by his collar.

"I didn't call you anything," Osamu replied calmly, "I merely stated that the skills gained by rank battles are useless when you run like a bitch instead of using them. If that offended you then I apologize—I wasn't aware you were a coward."

"T-Teruteru sempai…" Fumifumi stammered, "P-people are looking…"

Chika sighed when she noticed he was right—people had started to gather around and stare at the rapidly escalating situation.

"Is that the Tamakoma-2 captain?"

"Yeah, and the Amatori Cannon too!"

"What are those C-ranks doing?"

"Are they going to fight?"

Teruteru scoffed as he let go of Osamu's collar. "I-I'm not a coward," he insisted with a smirk, "only second-rate people actually risk their lives—the only reason to climb the ranks of Border is for fame, not to become suicidal bastards like you! I'm not interested in being a hero!"

"Neither am I," Osamu replied, shocking the C-rank agents. "Don't get me wrong, I'm not perfect either. If I ran away from what I think I should do even once, then surely, I'd end up running away when I it matters most. I know the kind of person I am. I'm not doing it for others. I do it for myself."

Suddenly the aura disappeared, and Osamu smiled kindly. "Instead of thinking of it as a death wish," he said gently, "think of it as being the model captain people want to look up to—then you might actually get famous."

Before Teruteru could respond, the Megane-kun turned to Chika. "Let's go," he said, "I'm not sure if Yuma-kun could hold off Usami-sempai much longer."

Chika blinked several times, then smiled back. "Okay," she replied with a nod and the two of them walked away, ignoring the shocked stares of the C-ranks behind him.


"…wow," Akane said in awe, "that went zero to one-hundred back down to zero really fast.

Kitora was sitting there, shaking her head. "Unbelievable…" she muttered, "he covered up his bullying by making it seem like a life lesson? That fucking cop-out…"

"I don't think it's bullying if they deserve it," Izuho declared, crossing her arms. "They put their hands on Chika—I'm surprised he didn't deck them in the chin!"

"No one else is," Akane shot back, "This is Osamu-kun we're talking about…"

"The Osamu-kun that called someone a bitch and got away with it," Kitora sighed, "That Megane-kun…and people still see him as the better man?"

The other three girls looked at the ace, who shrugged.

"I heard a rumor that's spreading like wildfire around the lower ranks," she explained, "That Osamu-kun had—and I'm quoting this, this aren't my own words—'A C-rank had tried to fight with him, and Osamu just called him a "little bitch" and "bitch slapped the shit out of him".'"

"Osamu-kun actually ended up punching him in the face later on," Chika admitted, quieting the table immediately. "Teruteru-san had tried to corner him in the hallway, but Osamu-kun punched him out in self-defense."

Izuho looked up suddenly, remembering something. "That's why Osamu-kun took him to the infirmary?"

When she saw everyone's confused looks, she explained. "Pompadour-sempai said he saw Mikumo-kun carrying a C-rank into the infirmary a few days ago, and he wondered how he had injured himself while in his Trion form—and apparently he overheard Mikumo-kun telling the nurse to 'just go with it' and that 'he knows he's not really injured, but he won't stop whining'."

Chika shrugged. "Well, now Teruteru-san's been avoiding Osamu-kun like the plague so everything's okay."

Kitora shook her head. "If that's what you call fine," she murmured, "then yeah, I guess so…"


O-M-A-K-E


When their food eventually came, Kitora noticed something.

"…why am I the only one who got noodles?"


O-M-A-K-E-II


"Chika-kun!"

Chika looked up from her bowl or rice and smiled. "Hi Osamu-kun," she greeted, "are you walking me home again?"

"I-if you don't mind," he answered with a nod, "It's starting to get dark, so we should hurry."

"Hey Mikumo-kun," Akane said, "Kitora-san was asking about the time you called that C-rank a bitch and made him cry."

"W-what—!?" Kitora exclaimed in confusion, "I—!"

"I-I didn't make him cry," Osamu interrupted defensively, "he was faking it, I swear! You can't get bruised in your Trion body!"

Izuho and Akane burst into laughter, much to the Megane-kun's irritation and confusion.