Title: Kitora Ai, A-Rank Waifu

Rating: I for "Inside Jokes"

Summary: Fanatic devotion and bad photoshop lead to yet another hospital visit.


"I'll get the spicy miso noodle—"

Akane and Izuho giggled, while Chika covered her smile with her hands.

"Are you guys serious?" Kitora demanded, aggressively closing the menu. "When will you get over that?!"

"I-I-can't help it!" Izuho laughed, "It's still so funny!"

"Um...is there's something wrong with them?" the waitress asked timidly, "I know they're too spicy for me, but…"

"No, these two are just being immature," Kitora interrupted, "The food is fine; I wouldn't order it otherwise."

The waitress let out a sigh of relief. "Okay, good," she replied, "What else can I get for you?"

After the rest of them finished ordering, Kitora turned her glare on them. "You guys are ridiculous."

"Aw c'mon, it's like an inside joke," Akane mused, "See look, you're holding back laughter right now!"

Chika giggled at Kitora's red, pouting face. "S-s-shut up! I am not—"

"It's okay to like spicy noodles, Kitora-san," Chika said, "We all have our preferences."

She didn't realize how weird that sounded until Kitora sputtered incoherently. "N-n-not you too! You were supposed to be the cute one!"

The other three kept laughing, and Kitora simply put her head in her hands and groaned.

"Oh my gosh, is that Kitora Ai of Arashiyama-squad?!"

The laughter stopped as three fans surrounded their table. Kitora, who lifted her head at the unfamiliar voices, fought to keep her smile intact. "Hi," she greeted, sitting up straighter as she regained her composure, "I'd love to chat, but—"

"You're busy, we get it," another fan cut off, eyes gleaming. "We just want you to sign something really quick!"

Kitora's eyebrow twitched, probably at the thought of signing autographs again."Well—"

"It's just one thing, we promise!" a third person pleaded, "One of our friends is in the hospital and it'd really really really mean a lot to him!"

Chika noted the ace's smile turned genuine at that. "I guess I can't say no to that," she decided, taking out a sharpie from seemingly nowhere. "What am I signing?"

One person pulled out what looked like a harmless card, but was shoved aside when someone else slammed a giant pillow on the table. "Sign this!"

"Oh my-I thought we said we're not doing the waifu body pillow!" the maligned fan hissed, "That's such a stupid idea!"

The three agents rose their eyebrow at the body pillow, and Kitora's face blanched. "...um…"

On the pillow was Kitora's face badly photoshopped onto a woman—who was obviously much older than the agent herself—in a swimsuit. The skin wasn't even close to being the right color, not to mention that a piece of the ace's Border uniform collar was visible by her neck.

"That's so bad!" Akane guffawed, "Where did you even get that?!"

"It takes skill to be that bad at photoshop," Izuho laughed, "like, you can't have not tried—you did this on purpose!"

"I-I did too try!" The fan holding the body pillow insisted defensively, "It took me three weeks to finish this!"

"That's...nice…" Kitora murmured with a grimace, "I guess it's the thought that counts…?"

Chika noticed the fan holding the card pouting with his arms crossed. "I think the card would be a better idea," she tried, "because your friend might not have much space to put a big pillow in the hospital."

"I told you!" the card-holding fan exclaimed triumphantly, "Plus you're garbage at photoshop!"

"L-like you're any better!" The pillow holding fan snarked, holding said pillow defensively.

The card holding fan held up his card with a smirk. "I am, thank you very much!" he replied, "I made this pretty card all by my—"

The pillow holding fan plucked the card out of their hands and promptly ripped it in half.

"You son of a —!" The now cardless fan threw a hard jab at the pillow holding fan, resulting in a fist fight right there in front of the table.

"Please don't fight!" Chika shouted, "I'm sure we can tape the card—"

She was suddenly cut off by a stray elbow striking face, promptly sending her back down in her seat as a blinding pain seared her nose. Her vision blurred as the shouting around her became distorted, and the sniper dimly felt her nose running.

"—ka? Ca...ear me?"

Chika clenched her eyes tightly for a brief moment then reopened them, her vision suddenly clear enough to make out Kitora's concerned face before her.

"Kitora...san…?"

"I'm so sorry about my friends," the third fan apologized, bowing her head. "Usually I'm good at reigning them in, but…"

"O-oh, it's okay!" Chika replied, her voice sounding more nasally than usual. "I-it was an accident, I get it!"

"It's not okay, your nose is broken." Kitora chastised, waving down one of the waitresses. "Get me an ice pack, now."

The waitress nodded as she rushed to the kitchen, forcing her way through the crowd that had gathered around them.

Chika then noticed the other two fans lying unconscious on the floor. "Are they—?"

"They'll be fine," the third fan interrupted calmly, "those two knock themselves out on a regular basis. I doubt Kitora-san did much damage."

"I made sure to hold back," Kitora stated, looking down in her hands. "I've got defense duty later, so i didn't bother leaving my trion body."

"You're too soft," the third fan stated, "a few broken bones would've done them some good."

Kitora rolled her eyes at that. "Well I'm not exactly in the mood for an aggravated assault charge, thanks."

Chika noted the disappointment on the third fan's face. "I see."

Kitora noticed too and opened her mouth to comment, but then the waitress returned with both an ice pack and a first aid kit. "Sorry I took so long," she rushed out, "Do you need an ambulance? It's not serious, is it? Will she—"

"Relax," Kitora interrupted, taking both from her. "She'll be fine."

"Here, let me," Akane said suddenly, "I'm good at this."

Kitora raised an eyebrow, but moved out of the way nonetheless. "You better know what you're doing," she warned, "We'll take her to urgent care just in case."

"Border is closer," Izuho pointed out, glancing out the window. "Maybe that'll be faster?"

"Doubtful," Akane answered, taking the ice pack and wrapping it up in one of the cloth napkins on the table. "The nearest ER is only five minutes farther and we'll be helped immediately. If we go to Border we'll have to find the nearest medical quarters which will eat up the additional five minute head start we had."

"You...put a lot of thought into that," Kitora commented, "Should I ask?"

"It's a long story."

Chika winced as Akane gently placed the wrapped ice pack on Chika's face. "I don't think I have to go to the ER," she murmured, "I'm fine, really."

"It doesn't hurt to be safe," Izuho replied with a shrug, "I mean if we don't take you, Mikumo-kun sure will when he finds out."

"Plus I want to visit Arashiyama-san," Kitora mumbled under her breath.

"What was that?"

"Nothing."

Chika laughed as Akane stood up with the slightly melted ice pack. "Well her nose isn't too crooked," she said, "but we ought to still go just in case."

Right as she said that Osamu pushed himself through the crowd, barely catching himself on the table. "Chika are you alright?!" he asked, "What—"

"Stop," Kitora commanded, "panicking won't do her any good. We're about to take her to the ER right now, but if you're gonna freak out you can't come."

"Don't say that…" Chika protested, wincing as her nose began to throb again. "I want Osamu-kun here."

"Might as well," Izuho said, helping Chika up. "The more the merrier, right?"

Realizing she was outnumbered, Kitora sighed. "Alright fine," she conceded, "let's go then."


O-M-A-K-E


"Kitora-kun!" Arashiyama greeted as the five of them walked into the hospital room, "I see you've brou—"

His levity vanished when he saw the splint on Chika's nose. "What happened?" he asked, sitting up straighter with a wince. "Are you—"

"I'm fine," Chika assured him, "It was an accident."

"Some rowdy fans hit her," Kitora stated, crossing her arms. "I took care of them."

Arashiyama relaxed a bit, his smile returning. "Well, as long as you didn't hurt them too badly," he chuckled, "I assume I was an afterthought then?"

"Don't be stupid," Kitora scoffed, "I was planning on coming anyway."

"So you do miss me!" Arashiyama declared smugly, "I knew it!"

"I-It's because defense duty is tiresome without you, that's all!" the ace protested, "Don't read too much into it!"

Chika giggles as she watched the two teammates bicker back and forth, the throbbing in her nose slowly ebbing away.


O-M-A-K-E-II


"It's a good thing Kitora-san beat up those guys before Mikumo-kun did," Izuho joked, "He might have beat them up even more!"

"As if," Kitora scoffed, interrupting Osamu's incoherent noises of denial. "He may be progressing with his trion, but he'd still be lousy in a fight...probably."

"Adding 'probably' to the end does nothing to make that statement any less insulting," Osamu deadpanned, "Besides, I'm not confrontational like that."

"Here we go again…" Akane murmured as Kitora raised her eyebrows and sat up straighter.

"'Not confrontational'?" she asked, "You're still sticking with that? Try telling that to that C-Rank you called a bitch."

"Wait what?!" Arashiyama demanded, shock written all over his face. "What happened?!"

Osamu groaned while Kitora stared at him with a smug expression. "Why don't you explain yourself, Mikumo-kun?"

"Kitora-san, it wasn't his fault," Chika objected, "Teruteru deserved it."

"Don't forget when he played with Kagura-san's mind!" Izuho chimed in, "That was trippy!"

Arashiyama still looked lost. "Um…" he stammered, "Am I missing something?"

"Yes," Kitora answered bluntly, "It's an...inside joke of sorts."


FINALLY I UPDATED THIS?! WHOAG

I've been kinda busy with work and school, but I'm slowly but surely updating all my stories :D Please bear with me a little longer~!

I'm Still Taking requests btw~!