Chapter Six
Alex, listen to me. You're better than this. You're stronger. Don't make this all your fault. I know you. That's what you do. But please, please don't do that. We can't just give up. Not after all this time. We have to stand together. We have to fight. Because it's just us now. There were five of us and now it's just you and I and it can't be just me. It can't be. I will go down swinging for you, Alex. You know I will. But that means you can't give up. You don't throw the fight. So whatever you're doing this for, please don't.
Alex had memorized that message she had left for him when he thought he was going to jail. He had played it over and over in his mind while he sat there.
…and now it's just you and I and it can't be just me. It can't be.
And now she thought he was leaving her, something he had promised he'd never do. He was completely numb. He had been sitting there for a couple of hours when Jo finally found him.
"There you are! I've been calling you! Why aren't you answering your phone?" She looked around, as if an explanation would be clear. "Why are you sitting out here?"
He didn't respond, and continued to stare straight ahead.
"Alex, what's wrong?"
"Mass Gen?" he turned to look at her through red, puffy eyes. "Were we even going to discuss it?"
Jo knew there were many things she should be feeling at the moment, but all she could feel was anger at his accusation. "Is that what this is all about? The placement interviews? Yes, I hope to go to Mass Gen. I would love to interview with them." Seeing his anguished expression infuriated her further. "I don't understand what the problem is here! I've been in training for five years. You've been helping to train me! I am doing what I have been trained to do!" Angry tears rolled down her face. "I haven't done anything wrong!" She stood up and paced as she spoke. "And of course I would have discussed it with you! No decision has been made. I don't even have the freaking job offer! Yes, we would have talked about it." She regarded the man she loved coldly. Clearly, she would never come first. "But now, I'm not so sure there's anything to talk about."
She let the words hang in the air. When he didn't react, she turned to leave. She took a few steps, then turned and walked quickly back to him. "You know, you have to figure out what you want, Alex. You claim to love me, but you're willing to let me walk away over what? A misunderstanding? I don't even know what to call this!"
He felt his blood begin to boil. "No! Not a misunderstanding! You decided that you were going to take me from my family without talking to me about it, and then decided to tell my family about it first. Do you know what that did to her? Do you have any idea about the damage you caused? Everyone she's loved has left or died. She was going to give you a fellowship in general. She trusted you, Jo! Do you know how hard that is for her? And then you freaking tell her you're taking her family away!"
Jo was furious, yet everything was suddenly clear to her. "What about me? I thought I was your family. I was thinking of our life together!" she yelled. "But that was never going to happen, because you already have your family. I've just been allowed to scrounge for scraps like a stray dog! You know what? I'm done. I'm free. I don't have to hide anymore. If I want to go to Mass Gen or freaking Mount Everest, I'm going. And you can just sit here and keep denying that you're in love with her. But do me a favor, hell do everyone a favor and figure it out so no one else has to get hurt because you two can't figure out that you love each other." Tears streamed down her face. "I'm keeping the apartment. You need to find somewhere to stay, but I'm guessing that won't be a problem. Good bye, Alex. Do not speak to me unless it's directly related to a patient." She turned on her heel and was gone.
…and now it's just you and I and it can't be just me. It can't be.
He put his head in his hands. Why hadn't he gone after her? Tell her that she is his family? Why didn't he deny it when she said he was in love with Meredith?
…and now it's just you and I and it can't be just me. It can't be.
He knew he couldn't fix things with Jo, and worse, he didn't know if he wanted to. He knew he could help one thing. He got up and set off to Meredith's house.
